The Urusei Yatsura Short Story Collection!
by VeralicProductions
Summary: After the events of RTP, the Tomobiki gang settle in for more of their chaotic misadventures and romantic mishaps! A continuation made of totally random ideas and stories set in the world of Rumiko Takahashi's masterpiece. Some OCs, sequel to RtP, enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Introducing, the Silent Giant, Gen Takamura!

* * *

It was a humid afternoon in Tomobiki when Ataru and Lum went out to fetch Ten, who was spending the day with his friend Kotatsuneko. Ataru wanted to keep his eyes forward and grab the brat quick, but Lum was distracting him constantly with her unnecessary nudging and hand holding. He was about to say something dejective enough to shoo her away, but some delicious aroma went by his nose and turned his head. Lum felt the air shifting as Ataru started involuntarily dragging her along with him.

"Darling!" Lum shouted. "We're going the wrong way. What's wrong?" Her concerned inquiry couldn't pierce the cloud of Ataru's mind, which was fixated on that wonderful smell of fresh baked, sugary food. By the time the smell became almost palpable, Lum picked up on it too. "What's that smell?"

"That's what I want to know!" Ataru said happily. He could sense it with one of his many extra-human senses, that the food was just around the next corner. They turned the corner on Ataru's heel just in time to watch a huge man eating the last Taiyaki in a box. The man looked down at the couple curiously, as Ataru's eyes were white with disappointment.

"Hi" Lum said cheerfully. "Sorry to bother you, he just smelled your food and automatically came this way..." she explained, obviously embarrassed. The man nodded and stood up, easily six feet tall and built with a strong girth, like a sumo wrestler.

"You wouldn't happen to have any spare food?" Ataru asked earnestly. Lum smacked him and tried to drag him off, but the man interjected. He put up his hand and grunted. Lum and Ataru looked at him as he fished inside his t-shirt and pulled out a piece of paper. He unfolded the paper and pointed at the drawing of an upright-walking cat smoking a pipe.

"Eh!?" Ataru exclaimed. "That's..."

"Kotatsuneko" Lum finished. "Who are you?" she asked. The man sat back down and let out a heavy sigh, as he began to tell his story...

* * *

Many a year ago, it seemed, this man's ancestors shooed away their own pet cat into the harsh winter where it died. Because they were so cruel to an innocent beast, they and their family were placed under a never-ending curse until the cat's spirit could be put to rest properly. That cat was to die and become Kotatsuneko, as was told by a fortune teller to this man and his parents. However, as misfortune would have it, the man's parents succumbed to the dread of the curse and are bedridden with a horrid cold, heaven's retribution for the death of a cat who wanted only warmth. They placed it upon him, their only son, to find this Ghost Cat who Loves Kotatsus and plead for the family's freedom from the curse. As the fortune teller had told them, the cat himself took up residence in a place where Death's shadow walks like a friend to all, and where mayhem never ceased to be short. That place, as this man had come to research upon from newspapers and television reports, was unquestionably Tomobiki, the place where Earth was nearly taken over in a game of tag...twice. So goes the story of this man, Gen Takamura.

* * *

"Wow, that's so sad" Lum commented.

"You're a great storyteller, Gen" Ataru added. Gen sadly nodded, and with tears in his eyes he clenched his fist up to his face and stood back up in a huff.

"Listen, Gen" Lum started sympathetically. "I know you're pressured to find Kotatsuneko to reverse your family's curse, but you won't find him by just stomping around randomly." Gen turned and almost began down the street, when Ataru stood up and grabbed Lum by the arm.

"Come on Lum," he said, "we have to go pick up Ten from Kotatsuneko remember?" Gen's eyes lit up. He turned just in time to watch the couple round the corner. He followed them distantly as they both walked in tandem down to the vacant construction lot where Cherry lived. As they rounded another corner while Gen wasn't looking, Lum gave Ataru a deep kiss on the cheek. He winced and pulled away.

"What the heck!?" he protested. Lum giggled and clasped his hand with hers.

"I just think you're being sweet today" she said, batting her lashes at his cautious face. He sighed and scratched away her lip mark on his cheek.

"I just have a soft spot for cursed people, I guess" he explained meekly. "Heck, I am one" and as he said that, he look over at Lum and kept looking at her until she got it and got angry.

"You're miserable sometimes, Darling" she said haughtily. They both rounded the last corner and walked into the grassy lot with Gen right behind them. There was a tent, a small fire pit with a worn pot over it, and the usual signs of Cherry's existence, but no signs of Kotatsuneko or Jariten. This jarred Lum, who had told Ten to wait for her and Darling to pick him up later, and now he was gone without a trace.

"Ten!" Lum shouted, hoping he was nearby enough to hear her. Ataru thought for a second, and got an idea.

"They might have gone with Cherry to Sakura's" he suggested. Lum shot around and nodded.

"Good idea, Darling" she said. Ataru smiled at the prospect of going over to Sakura's but Lum picked up on his idea in time. "I'll go there and see if they're there, you and Gen stay here in case they come back." Ataru looked surprised, when he really wasn't. Lum flew off before Ataru could protest, so he decided to conserve his energy and sat on a concrete pillar. Gen followed him, moving the whole pile of pillars in the process.

"That stupid girl" Ataru complained. "She always does this to me...leaves me sitting around with nothing to do, and when I go out by myself she just wants to cling to me like a sickness! She's so annoying sometimes, you know?" Gen just nodded at Ataru's confessional, although Ataru took it in good light and calmed down slightly.

"Well, if they don't come back here, we can always try again tomorrow right?" Ataru suggested. Gen nodded, though very slowly and almost sadly. "You're right. It's best to undo your curse thing ASAP. I should know, I get cursed by something every other day..."

While Ataru moped about his own troubles, Cherry came back to his campsite to the presence of a stranger sitting on his favorite pile of concrete.

"You there!" he shouted. The surprise of his horrid voice mad Gen jump and threw Ataru's face to the ground. Ataru pushed himself up, expecting some dark prophecy, but was instead treated as a step while Cherry hopped on his head and pointed at Gen. "You have a sense of destiny about you, don't you?" Gen nodded. "You have a resounding purpose to be here, do you not?" Gen nodded emphatically. "Well, that's nice" Cherry finished. Ataru reached around, picked him up by the collar and slammed him to the ground in spite.

"'Well, that's nice'?" Ataru quoted angrily. "Don't you have any stupid Hindu wisdom to spit out at him like you do me?" Cherry conked the boy on the head, again forcing him into the dirt and hopped back on him.

"It's Buddhist" Cherry corrected, "and yes." Gen leaned in to listen to the apparent sage. "Heed me, for I shall tell you when your destiny shall culminate." Gen nodded, taking stern mental notes. "It shall pass over you if you don't look, but look to hard and your eyes will deceive you..." Gen tried to interpret Cherry's suggestive prophecy, and after a brief stare down Cherry took his spiritual wand and turned Gen's head to the open street, where a vendor was passing by with food to sell.

Ataru pushed himself back up in time to rub his sore head and watch as Gen took out his own money to buy for the sleaziest monk in the world. Ataru felt compelled to rush over and bean the old man right in the face, but he couldn't bring himself to boil. He could see the hope on Gen's face, the hope of a lost man in the desert as he eyes down a spring of water; the hope of a cursed man gazing upon his cure.

"Here is what you shall do" Cherry instructed. "That young man over there is the incarnate of universal misfortune himself..."

"Go to hell!" Ataru shouted, hearing the remark.

"...but his resonance of good fortune can often out-play his bad. Stay with him and you shall meet with he you must meet with in less than a full day." As Cherry finished off his ice cream nosily, Gen started off over to Ataru, looking at him with a stern sense of objective. Before he could stomp very far, however, Cherry again stopped him by his shirt. "...but to work the forces of the universe must work unhindered. You can only follow him, not alter his path, or your destiny will be forever unfulfilled." Reluctantly, Gen nodded, and calmly walked back over to Ataru, who had heard the whole thing.

"Well," Ataru said thoughtfully, "I suppose you could stay with me. It can't be for that long, right?" Although he turned to Cherry for confirmation, the monk was gone like magic. Ataru looked around for a second, then shrugged and started off. Gen silently strode behind him like a massive shadow, and Ataru paid him no mind as he headed home. Then, Gen tapped his shoulder. Ataru looked back to Gen pointing behind him, obviously signaling his trustee of destiny that they were supposed to stay there.

"Yeah" Ataru started gleefully, "but I don't think we'll get with the flow of the universe if we sit still, right? We've got to move with it!" Gen smiled and hit his palm with his fist. So, Ataru marched off down the road, keeping an eye out for chicks, while Lum was just now arriving at Sakura's.

* * *

"So they aren't here?" Lum said sadly. Sakura shrugged in the doorway, smoking a cigarette and went back inside. Lum turned back around and took off into the air again to scan the streets for a giant walking cat and tiny spec of tiger-stripes.

_Oh, they could be anywhere!_ She thought to herself. _I hope they've already gone back with Cherry...or perhaps they visited someone else already. Kotatsuneko has plenty of friends besides just Ten and Cherry, like Mr. Fujinami or the principal..._ Lum stopped in mid-air, accidentally catching herself picturing both men at once and almost succumbing to the shock. _Although, if he's with them I don't want to find him that bad..._ Lum sighed and started flying off towards home. _At least I can count on Ten to come back safe...that's enough for now._ While she went through town back home, she neglected to scan anymore and passed right over exactly what she was looking for: A Kotatsu sled pulled by a Kotatsu.

Kotatsuneko sat lazily huffing his pipe as his self-propelled vehicle of very odd design sped on down the street towards his predetermined home. He sat back and lazed, thinking about how his day had gone. He had some taiyaki and talked with the mature Ten, though he mostly listened and talked little. Of course, he expected a good meal wherever he was going, as every house that would take him in always gave him the best fish or, hopefully, taiyaki they could afford. Especially friendly was a particular old lady who thought he was her son, or her old cat...it was different on different days.

Finally, he felt his sled skid to a stop and looked over at his house for the evening. He took a drag from his pipe, and puffed out a trail of smoke apathetically.

* * *

"She was pretty cute, eh?" Ataru said, rubbing at his new cheek wound. Gen sighed and looked away. He felt defeated, cheated of his own purpose. Was fate really so cruel as to make him follow around a young man with absolutely no responsibility for his own relationship? And with a girl that can _fly _no less. Gen took sad glances at his own reflection, seeing his sick parents lying in their beds, barely able to move each time. While Ataru kept hitting on totally random girls, Gen's heart began to sink.

"DARLING!" roared a voice from above. Ataru's face shifted from flirtatiously goofy to stone-cold serious. He grabbed his current two-second crush and jumped out of the way of a lightning bolt striking the very ground where he stood. Gen was thrown back in astonishment and looked over. Ataru was safe, and fuming over the fresh slap he just received.

"Hey, I just saved you!" he shouted after the ungrateful fleeing girl. He looked up, and perched dramatically atop a lamppost was his 'wife', scowling furiously with her arms crossed. "Yo! You find Kotatsuneko?" Ataru asked neutrally.

"You're unbelievable, Darling!" she shouted as she descended slowly. Gen couldn't help but notice that her clothes were smoking a little. "I searched for who knows how long, and you were off hitting on girls the whole time!"

"That's not true, is it Gen?" Ataru asked, trying to refocus the blame. Gen looked away and twiddled his fingers, but Lum didn't even look for his feign.

"Don't blame this on Gen!" Lum shouted. "You're the only person stupid enough to do what you do. I know you!"

"You don't know me!"

"You never talk!"

This arguing went back and forth, and Gen pulled up a chair to make himself comfortable. Staying with these two wouldn't be easy, and he could tell it wouldn't be enjoyable, but if he was to save his entire family then he would do it. He repeated his own mantra of perseverance...for about twenty minutes. After that the fight started getting boring. Finally, Gen had enough. He raised up his arms, slapped his hands down on his lap and 'Hrumph!'-ed loud enough to stop the couple's chattering. Ataru and Lum looked at him with surprise, then turned back to each other in silence.

"Well?" Lum pushed. Ataru looked far away, rubbing his neck and openly gritting his teeth.

"You know I'm no good at apologies..." he admitted. Lum smiled at him. He looked back over and smiled back. Soon, they were both laughing together, until Lum grabbed Ataru's nose and zapped him until he became luminescent.

"I forgive you, Darling!" she said cheerfully as she let go. Ataru smoldered at her, literally, and coughed up a ring of smoke. Even if it wasn't the most heartfelt apology, or even a normal one, Gen was satisfied. He pushed himself up, and Lum took her Darling in a walking, snuggling hug as all three set out for home. Ataru did so with his hands in his pockets and a deep sense of bitterness on his face.

* * *

"We're home!" Ataru called out once he reached the front door. The three took off their shoes and stepped inside. "By the way, I have a guest."

"Welcome back" his mother called out as she was cooking, "and who?"

"Just another poor, cursed soul" Ataru explained, once again looking at Lum as he talked. She frowned as they both went upstairs and Ataru's mother came out with a pan in hand to greet the large man.

"Well" she said shakily, "welcome to our house. If you happened to be curse because of Ataru, please feel free to beat him up a bit." Gen smiled nervously to the woman's apparent warmth and apathy towards her son's history with curses and started upstairs himself. Gen followed the steps up to the open room, where he heard something that peaked his interest greatly.

"Oh, you're here too Kotatsuneko?" Ataru's voice said. Gen's eyes were burst wide open and glinting with soulful flames. He hurried the rest of the way and barged his way into the room. He looked to the right, where Ataru and Lum were both pointing to the left. He looked to the left, and there he saw a huge cat sitting under a Kotatsu and eating taiyaki. A moment of pause took place as Gen stared in disbelief. Kotatsuneko held up a sign, on which he had written 'Hello' in Japanese.

"Kotatsuneko, you'll never believe who this man is!" Lum said excitedly. Kotatsuneko gulped down the last of his snack and looked at her. "He's the descendant from your original owners!" It seemed that the memory of those people struck a nerve with him, as Kotatsuneko willingly stepped out from his warm comfort and took a karate-sumo pose at Gen. Ataru and Lum looked dumbly at the cat, then over at Gen who walked in and took a serious sumo-like pose. A heavy air of anger settled down in the room.

"That probably wasn't the best introduction" Ataru whispered to Lum. She nodded and looked on with remorse.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Ancient Feud between Kotatsuneko and Gen

* * *

The two huge figures were posed off at one another with threatening eyes. Gen had the unflappable determination for retribution, while Kotatsuneko was fueled by his era-old hatred for the reason of his eternal, peaceless afterlife.

"Uh..." Lum began, unsure of how to proceed without getting anything broke. "Why don't we just settle this over some tea instead of fighting?" The two were unmoved but still ready for action.

"And snacks?" Ataru added. Moments later, as Ataru went down to retrieve the peace tea and snacks, Gen and Kotatsuneko were seated across a kotatsu from each other. Lum sat nervously on the other adjacent side of the table and nervously shifted between them both.

_This is a little out of my league_ Lum told herself. _Sakura usually reverses curses, and Darling at least knows a little about them. I've never been cursed that I know of! How can I break this tension? _"Uh, Gen, why don't you tell Kotatsuneko why you're here?" Gen nodded with a grunt and Kotatsuneko leaned its arm on the table with judging eyes.

Downstairs, Ataru was preparing some snacks a bit half-heartedly for his guests. His mother came in to help him, knowing how much her son could screw even the littlest things up given the right amount of effort.

"Why don't you just make a quick taiyaki run, Ataru?" Mrs. Moroboshi asked her son.

"I'm broke, that's why" Ataru said. He was now stuffing some very crude-looking fish waffles with chocolate.

"You know how much he'll hate this" Mrs. Moroboshi pointed out. "That cat can smell real taiyaki from miles away. I doubt he would be satisfied with some cheap knockoffs."

"Well he'll have to deal" Ataru roughly said. He finished pressing the open waffle space together and popped the cakes in the over for a moment to let the chocolate melt and the batter harden a little more. _I wonder how Lum is keeping the peace together..._ he wondered. Upstairs, Gen gave a sigh as he finished his woeful story and plea to his only hope. Lum had shed a tear and wiped it away from the moving poetry of Gen's speech, but Kotatsuneko remained skeptically staring.

"Isn't it sad, Kotatsuneko?" Lum said. "The family that abandoned you got cursed and now Gen's parents are dying! How can you not want to help him?" Kotatsuneko humphed and turned away. "Oh right, they killed you. Hmm..." Lum crossed her arms and placed a thoughtful finger to her lips. "This is a crisis I can't rightly solve at the moment" she admitted. Gen sighed in defeat and got up to walk away, but he was stopped by the white paw of Kotatsuneko. Gen turned hopefully and saw the challenging glare of the ancestral cat with an ageless grudge still heavy on its heart.

"Yo!" Ataru called. He opened the door with a tray of cups and poorly-crafted snacks that oozed with dark-chocolate goo. "I brought the food..." Upon seeing the scene that had almost instantly developed, he turned with a glare of disappointment to Lum. She shook her head and hands, trying desperately to feign fault.

"Fuu!" Kotatsuneko grunted. He reached behind him and picked up a sign that said 'Honor Duel' on it. Gen looked at it and gulped, then clenched a fist in determination.

"Now what?" Lum said.

"They're fighting to see who does what" Ataru said. "If Kotatsuneko wins, he stays, but if Gen wins he goes with him. Right guys?" They both nodded to Ataru and then faced off once again. "Hey, wait a second!" Ataru called. Gen and Kotatsuneko drew back their hands for a powerful exchange of blows that Lum hovered away from, and threw them forward at once. Ataru caught both palms in his hands and had his face smooshed by his own knuckles, unable to actually stop the huge bodies from punching forward. "If you're gonna fight, do it outside!" The two adversaries looked at each other and blinked.

* * *

Ten was wobbling through the air with a clear plastic bag around his shoulder like a handbag that had apples inside. He was eating one, struggling to hold the whole thing up with his tiny, infant arms, and taking huge chunks out with each bite.

"At least this training is easy" Ten noted. He was barely a few feet from the ground as opposed to his regular altitude of path taking that would lead him over the houses and straight back to Ataru and Lum. Now he had to struggle to navigate the streets from a lower perspective. "Still, if I end up getting lost because of how low I'm flying I'm gonna have Lum zap Cherry for me for suggesting this! A young man like me should be carrying and eating tasty things and more flavorful things than apples, like candy."

As Ten came upon the familiar street at twilight, he saw Kotatsuneko's kotatsu sled out front of the Moroboshi home. "Oh!" Ten exclaimed. "It looks like Kotatsuneko is here. That's good. Maybe he can give me some advice." Ten started hovering for the door, but the familiar and unfamiliar sump grunts form the small yard drew him away. He hovered over and looked into the side yard to see Kotatsuneko, his friend, stretching against a larger man he did not know with Lum and Ataru watching from the porch.

"Lum!" Ten called. Lum instantly snapped her head in his direction wit ha smile and flew over with outstretched arms.

"Ten!" Lum cooed. She grabbed him and cradled him lovingly. "I was really worried about you! Where did you go?" Lum noticed the bag and had to make mention of it. "What's with the apples?"

"I'm trying to train to fly faster" Ten explained. "Cherry said I had to eat lots of red fruit and carry lots of weight. I tried eating cherries, but I had to buy a whole lot of them before they slowed me down and that was too expensive. The only red fruit that comes from Uru eats people, so that was out. Apples are the only non-lethal, cheap, heavy red fruit I could find."

"What about tomatoes?" Ataru asked.

"Those are vegetables" Ten said "you idiot!" Ataru glowered at Ten and rose up a hand to hit him, but Lum glared it down. "What's going on back here anyway?"

"Blood feud" Ataru said.

"A descendant" Lum began kindly "of the people of who abandoned Kotatsuneko came here seeking retribution for his ancestors and Kotatsuneko won't forgive him. Now his parents are going to die of a curse unless Gen can win a fight against Kotatsuneko. It's going to be fun!"

"Come on" Ataru called, already back on the porch. "These are the best seats over here!"

"Has it started yet?" Mrs. Moroboshi asked, coming out of the house from behind with some appetizers in hand.

"I got us some seats" Ataru's father said, holding up some cushions. Ataru darted his head back and forth out of confusion until Lum came back down and hovered onto the porch beside him.

"This isn't right" Ataru groaned. He hung his head with an expression of pained sickness that Lum took immediate notice to.

"What's wrong, Darling?" she nicely asked.

"I feel..." Ataru began, "like what we're doing...is wrong. Watching these two fight for their reasons, or Kotatsuneko's lack thereof, it makes me feel wrong. We shouldn't watch this suffering!"

"Aw, Darling" Lum cooed, brushing up closer and taking his arm. "Does this remind you too much of your curses?" Ataru stared at her for a while, and when she got the joke she zapped him. "Oh, you're terrible..." She still laid her head on his smoking shoulder and let him laugh until the fight actually started. Gen and Kotatsuneko stomped at each other and pounded their primary fists into the ground. In terms of physique, demeanor, and overall projection, they were mirror images. Except one was a cat.

Suddenly, the huge forms smashed together and shook the ground. They grappled hand-in-hand while the Moroboshi family watched and nibbled on fresh onigiri. Their wills were unwavering, a battle of unmovable testaments of inner strength! Their actions spoke volumes of words that summed up verbally with powerful and strained grunts and groans.

"HUGH!" Gen grunted. His face said 'you are a selfish cat, not to pity the curse you have bestowed upon my innocent family!'

"NG!" Kotatsuneko responded. His eyes said 'it is not my problem, you must learn to carry your ancestor's burdens!'

"What amazing strength!" Mrs. Moroboshi praised. "And such determination despite such overwhelming power!" She moved her hand up above her head and brought it down hard with a slap on her uncaring son's head. "Ataru! Why can't you be more like that with your schoolwork?"

"This is to save lives" Ataru said, "not to get goods grades in some worthless class."

* * *

After a solid 45 minutes of bare-knuckle, breathless grappling and pushing, the fight was getting a little tired for the young Ten. Plus, he noticed that the quality of supernatural versus extraordinary strength was taking its toll on the grass. Both fighters had huge holes around their feet from where so much pressure was being exerted."Maybe we should break this up a bit" Ten pointed out. "The yard's getting really dug up." No one minded the little boy, as the fight was just about to get exciting. Maybe. Right now they had both been in the same pose for too long for anyone to know if it was going to change or not.

"Oh, right" Ataru suddenly said. "I'm supposed to be disgusted by this. Until someone comes to their senses, I'm just going to go to bed."

"Good night" Lum called. It was another ten minutes until Ten decided to leave as well, and then five minutes after that that Lum realized Darling was gone.

"Let's all just go to bed" Mrs. Moroboshi said. "If they're still here by morning we'll try and help them then." Lum agreed and flew straight up to Ataru's bedroom. He was watching out the window in his pajamas and waiting for Lum to get in.

"Will they be okay?" Lum asked, looking back one more time.

"Of course" Ataru said. "It's not like they aren't some kind of super-human, right?" Ataru closed his window and drew the blinds back for a good nights sleep while the fight continued silently outside. When morning came, Ataru had nearly forgotten about the fight, but once he got up and remembered, he assumed that they would still be out there trying to grapple each other. He drew his blinds again, squinted in the bright morning light, and looked down in the yard.

No one was there!

"Huh?" Ataru grunted. "That...that hasn't happened before. When people fight in my yard they're usually there until someone dies!" Lum slid open her closet and rubbed her eyes of sleep.

"What's going on, Darling?" Lum asked.

"They're gone" Ataru said. Lum looked over as if saying 'who?' so Ataru reminded her. "Them! Gen and Kotatsuneko! They're gone." Lum raised her brows up in surprise and flew over to see for herself. They were indeed gone, and no one could possibly know why. Except Lum.

"What's that?" Lum asked, pointing out a note pinned to the tree in Ataru's backyard. Ataru couldn't see it from up on his balcony, but somehow Lum could with her keen vision for tiny details. She opened the window and flew down to grab the paper from the tree and read it.

_My dear friends_ the letter read as written by Gen, _during the long hours of our fight it became clear to both of us that violence could not solve this trouble of mine. We have agreed to part ways for now. Kotatsuneko has promised to consider my offer, but at the present cannot bring himself to forgive the people that killed him so long ago. However, he said that he enjoyed my company and considers me a friend, or at least a pleasant acquaintance, so I have not lost hope. As for me, I shall heed the word of my prophecies and stay here in Tomobiki. Do not worry about me being a burden to either of you, as I shall find housing and income on my own. Thank you so much for helping me reunite with my destiny. I am sure that, someday, my family's curse will be lifted._

_Sincerely, Gen Takamura._

"That's great" Lum said.

"Yeah" Ataru said, now somehow right over her shoulder reading the letter she held. "Although, I can't help but feel a bit of unsatisfied sense of purpose because of this. Weird, right?"

"Not really" Lum said, folding he letter up. "You really wanted to help Gen because, you know, you're such an _expert_ at _curses_." Ataru chuckled at the emphasis Lum put in her stride when she mentioned those two words. She smiled slyly at him from over her shoulder and started flying back up to her window. "You think they'll be okay?" Lum asked finally.

"They should be fine" Ataru said. "People with curses usually end up conquering them in the end. Plus, Kotatsuneko is a reasonable...cat. He'll forgive Gen's ancestors eventually." Lum smiled and swooshed back into Ataru's room through his window and let Ataru stand in his yard peacefully for a moment longer. He turned around to walk back inside, but accidentally stepped into one of the deep holes bored by Gen's feet and found himself stuck from the knee down. "Ah, damn" Ataru cursed.

* * *

Elsewhere in Tomobiki, Gen walked the street with his backpack around his shoulder. He was defeated, but not hopeless. He would definitely cure his family, someday, and he was very grateful for this chance at destiny. He continued walking past the construction yard where Kotatsuneko sat, looking at the sky. He thought about his obligations to Gen and his family past, and also about Taiyaki. In fact, he thought mostly about Taiyaki at the moment. He would take up the responsibility later, when he wasn't hungry.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Gen Takamura's Struggle! Finding a job in chaotic Tomobiki.

* * *

The birds were chirping on this wonderful, sunny summer day. It was the day that brought out the happiest in all the people, and it drew the girls out in droves. All those cute girls, wearing skirts and light shirts to walk around and hang about in the cool heat. It was the perfect weather...for perverts. Thus, Ataru brought it upon himself to get a date today, no matter what. He entered the park, sprawling with beautiful young women everywhere, and smiled his goofy smile. His little black book was readily stashed in his back pocket.

"Hee hee!" Ataru giggled. "So many girls. Who to start with? Who, who..." Ataru searched vigorously, grinning as he saw all the pretty babes for him to choose, until finally he saw the perfect choice. He could only see the back of her head from the bench she was on, but from there she looked utterly perfect. According to the perverse nature of Ataru's luck, she _had _to be beautiful or he wouldn't want to hit on her so bad. Ataru crept up from behind and jumped over and sat next to her. "Hey cutie! Can I have your name address and-" a foot to the face.

"Moroboshi" Sakura chided "do you never stop being obnoxious?" Ataru removed the foot from his face and saw that the girl he was driven to was Sakura, and he was pleased.

"So where's Tsubame?" Ataru said, looking around. Sakura became irritated and lit up a cigarette. "Is he here? No? He's not? Okay! Looks like you're free for a date, right?" Ataru turned around and saw Sakura with her cheeks puffed out. She made a sharp exhale and blew a cloud of smoke in Ataru's face. He drew back quickly and tried to wave the smoke away.

"Don't bother me, Moroboshi" Sakura said. "'m not in the mood to deal with you right now."

"You know" Ataru coughed "second-hand smoke can kill people!" Eventually ,Ataru gave up as he didn't want his eyes to water any worse. His whole face stayed red for a few minutes after the smoke attack, but he continued searching for girls anyway. "Wanna date?" he shot out to one girl. "Hey girls! How about some tea?" he offered to another. This pattern of ask and decline kept itself up almost indefinitely, wounding Ataru's spirit.

"I know!" Ataru realized. "I should wait for girls to come _to_ me for once! That usually works in some way or another. I'll get a table and, when a single girl walks in, I'll offer them a seat and snare them. It's perfect! Now, to chose a restaurant..." In the immediate area Ataru saw a ramen shop, a pastry shop, a noodle shop, a western cafe, and a nice sit-down sushi restaurant. The sushi restaurant was the best choice, as no girl would resist some free sushi. With a gleeful smile, Ataru walked to the door and found himself faced down by a pleasant but unexpected character.

"Hm?" grunted the large Gen in a tiny apron and chef hat. His eyes were focused on his waiting tablet, so Ataru saw him first.

"Gen?" Ataru asked. Gen looked down and was pleasantly surprised to see his young friend Ataru. He smiled and bowed in greeting. "Hiya! How are you? You left kind of suddenly that night, you know. How are you doing with the whole Kotatsuneko thing?"

"Takamura!" the head chef called from behind the bar. "We don't pay you to make idle talk, no matter how well you can do it! Seat your customers!" Gen saluted and sighed. Ataru instantly understood the situation. Gen led him into the restaurant and gave him a table. For some odd reason, Ataru didn't feel at all like asking him to pull the first single girl that walked in to his table. Now he was concerned.

"So Gen" Ataru began, "what's the deal here?" Gen sighed and, despite his earlier warning, began the sad tale of how he came to work at a minimum wage job as a waiter...

* * *

It all started on the night he and Kotatsuneko faced off. Once they went their separated ways, Gen found himself without a home and without any knowledge of the area. He was lost at sea, so to speak. He quickly started searching the town and the newspaper the next day for want ads, but to little avail. He had hoped to find a job that suited him as a large, strong man, a job that involved outside activity and physical work. A dock loader or a crate mover, anything that would help him grow strong as he worked in case he should encounter his ghostly destiny at any time. Alas, no avail. There were only three jobs in town he could apply for: part-time waiter, part-time monk, or part-time advertiser.

Gen decided to try them in the reversed order first. The employer that was in need of an 'advertiser' for his small business was a horse-faced gentleman who met Gen under private terms. Apparently he lived behind the high school building.

"What I need" Mr. Fujinami was remembered as saying "is someone to go around and put up some posters for me. I won't lie to you, I can't pay you much. But, I am willing to throw in a room for free." Mr. Fujinami led Gen into the small but livable room with a bed and a dresser. "Of course you'll be responsible for your own food." Gen nodded, content with the deal, and was handed a bundle of posters to spread around. He set out to work immediately and posted one on every phone-pole he came across until he very quickly ran out, then he headed back for his pay. Once he returned to the Fujinami home he heard a very loud and clear chaos inside.

"What the hell's wrong with you!?" a young man's voice blared. "Can you not do a single worthwhile thing with your life!?"

"Don't talk to me that way son!" Mr. Fujinami demanded.

"SON!?" the young man roared. "I'm a chick, dammit! And how dare you give away my oom while I'm away!!!" Gen realized just then the amount of grief he had seemingly caused. A father and son were fighting because of the father's foolishness and the son's anger. Just as Gen was silently mourning over his curse, Mr. Fujinami went flying through the window and landed head-first on the ground.

"Oh, you're back" Mr. Fujinami said. He flipped back up to his feet and dug in his pocket. "Well, I was serious about paying you, but you'll have to find another place to sleep tonight. Sorry my friend." Gen modestly took the money anyway, a measly pay that wasn't even enough for a proper meal, but at least it was better than nothing. "RYUUNOSUKE!!!" Mr. Fujinami shouted. "You've become sloppy! I'll show you how to throw people around!"

"Bring it!" the son shouted inside. Mr. Fujinami rushed in haughtily and ready for a fight, and the chaos resumed. Gen fled the area as fast as possible.

The next job that was open was addressed to a small, traditional temple-style building with a shrine very nearby. The offer went out from a woman named Sakura, asking for someone who would have no trouble taking calls for a priestess for hire.

"It's easy" the beautiful raven-haired woman said upon Gen's arrival. "I'll be making some herbal remedies in a shed out back. If anyone calls for me, come tell me." Gen understood and nodded politely. It wasn't the most physically challenging task, but it was simple and he would get paid to do it. So he sat down next to the phone and waited. After four hours, Gen had become tired of waiting and was practicing Judo stances next to the phone. His impatience and natural urgency to save his family drove him to move non-stop. His heavy body stomped down as he changed poses and made loud thuds across the floor.

At last, the phone rang, and Gen sprung to answer it with a grunt. "Hello?" a man's voice asked. "Um...Sakura? Are you feeling well?" Gen wondered what he should do, so he started asking questions. After a lengthy conversation, Gen had gathered that Tsubame, Sakura's fiancée, was wondering about some of the finer details for their coming wedding day. Gen wrote all the questions down and ran out behind the house to find Sakura's shed. He knocked on the door and Sakura answered.

"Who called?" Sakura asked breathlessly. Gen could see that medicine making was a dangerous process that frayed her hair and gave her a very disturbed and panicked look. Gen handed her the note and, for some odd reason, she started becoming angry at it. Perhaps it was the wording of the questions Tsubame had left, or perhaps it was just one worry too many for Sakura, but that one note sent her off on a raging tangent. "Can't he ever think of _important_ things!? What kind of cloth should the napkins be made of? What key should the music be played in? Is it western or traditional style?" Sakura did a double take at one of the questions on the list and grew venomous. Gen had to stand back and watch her berserk around her medicine hut. "WHY!? Why am I marrying this IDIOT! Gods, tell me!!!"

Gen, uneducated at handling these kinds of delicate situations, decided to leave without official notice and let the phone ring on its own for the day. After that he made an effort to avoid that house as much as possible. Finally, the last item on the list, a waiter position. Gen had given up on having a normal job, so he walked into the restaurant with low expectations.

That was all about three or four days ago.

* * *

And now Gen delivered the last of Ataru's food while finishing his well articulated if not strange story.

"That sucks, Gen" Ataru sympathized. "I'm sorry you couldn't talk Sakura into giving you a room for the night." Gen sighed and looked at his silly friend who smiled back. "I mean, that's what I would have done. Hee! It looks like you've got it going well now, though. You have a place to stay with this job, right?" Gen nodded. "That's great then! Now all you have to do is figure out a way to get Kotatsuneko to help your folks." Gen nodded determinedly. His eyes were aflame with purpose! He was ready to face heaven and hell to save his poor parents. Right now though, he sill had more than two hours in his shift, so he went back to work.

"He's a nice guy" Ataru mused. "I should try to help him if I can. Waiting on people really doesn't suit that guy..." Ataru's luck took a good turn just then. Walking past him, wearing a shirt marked all over with Onsen symbols was Onsen mark, accompanying the principal of Tomobiki high!

"Moroboshi?" Onsen-mark said. By instinctive response, Ataru jumped up and defended himself by reaching for a hammer he didn't have.

"You!?" Ataru gasped.

"I have a name!" Onsen-mark demanded.

"Onses-mark!?" Ataru gasped.

"That's better" Onsen-mark said.

"It's nice to see you out and about, young man" the principal said, helping himself to a seat. Onsen-mark didn't bother detailing his superior with any proper etiquette and just sat down with him. "How is your summer break going?"

"Just fine" Ataru said. "I've already been in space so far, and I'm alive."

"Strange criteria for 'just fine'" the principal noted. "How is the food here?"

"It's great" Ataru said, becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Just then, a though swept through his head. "Say sir, I heard this as a rumor, but isn't there an opening position for a P.E. Teacher at school for the fall semester?"

"Unfortunately" the principal began "it is true. Our former teacher, Mr. Moriyama, contracted the plague and died."

"He retired, sir" Onsen-mark corrected.

"We're barely within the budget to hire someone new" the principal continued mournfully, "and I'm afraid with a reputation following the predecessor, no one will want to reapply..."

"What reputation?" Onsen-mark demanded. "I told you, he retired!"

As those two old men went on, Ataru looked back and waited for opportunity to come. He laughed quietly to himself and waited for his big friend to come back with his check. As the principal and Onsen-mark finished their argument a waiter came by, and they nervously shifted.

"Oh, we're sorry" the principal apologized "we seated ourselves, it seems."

"Sirs" Ataru began, "this is Gen Takamura." Ataru motioned stylishly with his hand to the immense waiter and Gen looked back curiously. "He's currently looking for a steady-paying job that can also pay him in housing. He's a good friend of mine, one with leagues of unspoken physical prowess, that would make an excellent Physical Education coach."

"My" the principal mused, adjusting his glasses. "He's tall, isn't he?"

"What are your credentials, Mr. Takamura?" Gen, who had been put on the spot against his own whim, struggled to answer, until Ataru stepped in like the friend he was and summed his strength up in a simple sentence.

"He can hold his own against Kotatsuneko" Ataru said.

"My friend" the principal began, "would you be interested in helping out the youths of the school to stay in shape?" Gen looked at Ataru, who winked and nodded, then he looked back respectfully at the principal. Their hands connected and shook, and the deal was taken with great happiness. "Very good! I'm certain we can work out a deal for you. Perhaps we can clear out an unused shed an allow you to stay in there. Maybe there's a classroom not being used..."

"You don't run an apartment complex" Onsen-mark demanded. Gen looked back on the verge of ecstatic tears at his helpful friend, Ataru, who had disappeared without paying his check. Gen was too happy and surprised to go looking for him, but he kept the mental note to thank him when they met again. Thanks to Ataru, Gen had a residence in the town Kotatsuneko lived in and was one step closer to saving his family.

* * *

Ataru, on the other hand, was feeling mighty proud for helping the poor cursed man out and even happier that he got away clean with skipping out on his bill.

_I should use this feeling_ Ataru thought _to give myself a charismatic boost! I can't very well pick up girls on a low ego, and right now I'm feeling pretty damn great about myself! YEAH! Those girls will be flocking to this saintly man in no time flat! _True to his luck, the universe threw him together with a cute girl yet again. Again, he could only see the back of her head as she was walking away on the park street, but he could see that she was a cutie. He ran up to her, brimming with almost palpable pride, and cut in front of her like a swift bolt of lightning.

"Hey there, darling" Ataru suavely flirted, "how about a date?" As he caught a focused view of his prey, his pride and awesomeness turned into a sinking terror. It was Lum, who went from confused to passively aggravated. She crossed her arms and looked down at Ataru with half-opened eyes.

"Darling...?" Lum began, "What have you been up to exactly?" Ataru, unable to think of a way to summarize his day in a believable way, just smiled and shrugged. Lum grabbed his shoulders and gave him a few thousand volts. "You were flirting with random girls again, weren't you!? I can't believe you Darling! Any time you leave the house you cause nothing but trouble!!!"

_Untrue!_ Ataru victoriously thought. _Today I did something great, even if it didn't get me a date!_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Break Up Plan! Ryoko and Shingo!?!?

* * *

At the start of a rather hum-drum day in Tomobiki, Shutaro Mendo walked the halls of his illustrious mansion to find the kitchen. He made his way, by jeep, through the huge halls and outside areas to the main housing from his hangar bedroom. All the way he was tired and yawned constantly.

"I can tell" Shutaro told himself "this will be a boring day..." As he pulled the jeep up to the entrance of his home a disgusting shiver fell down through his body. He ignored it, thinking it was just his natural instinct to beware of closed doors. In his experiences, no good surprises ever awaited behind those doors. Still, he was starving, and that breakfast wouldn't retrieve itself and place it at his lap. He needed the kitchen staff to do that. Shutaro stepped through the door and shambled through main sitting room, ignoring the loud explosions.

"Take that!" Shingo shouted, throwing more shuriken at Ryoko.

"You missed!" Ryoko called. Mr. And Mrs. Mendo were sitting, ignorant to the battle around them, and sipping their morning tea.

"Good morning mother, father" Shutaro graciously greeted with a bow.

"Good morning my son" Mr. Mendo replied. "Unfortunately, you'll have to get your own breakfast today."

"What?" Shutaro said with surprise. "Why?" Shingo landed right next to Shutaro, who still refused to acknowledge the chaos he was causing, and drew out a blade. Ryoko dove straight down in her ninja garb and equipped her own sword. They started fencing around Shutaro, making battle grunts and taunting each other endlessly.

"They all took a medical leave" Mrs. Mendo explained. "I can't imagine why."

"Stay alert, my son" Mr. Mendo warned. "There may be a virus going around. I don't want you catching it and missing out on your tutoring sessions."

"I'll stay vigilant, father" Shutaro promised. He started making his way to the kitchen a few rooms over while Ryoko and Shingo continued to sword-fight around him. Hard as he tried, the stray thoughts kept entering his mind. _Their posture is completely off! They're fighting with their wrists, not their arms! It's a mockery of all thins kendo!_ Still, he endured and didn't make a word about it. This chaos had been going on for quite a while, since the past events that were agreed unspeakable. Shingo, through some strange methods, had learned incorrectly that courting a woman meant making attempts on her life regularly in as flamboyant a style as possible. Therefore Shingo has started 'dating' Ryoko, attacking her and ambushing her using his extensive knowledge of the Mendo compound.

"What shall I have this morning?" Shutaro asked himself. Suddenly, his annoying little sister took the opportunity to make herself known. Once she saw her brother reaching for something she threw a shuriken at it. Shutaro froze up the first time it happened, but became quite lethargic after that and just reached for something else. Shingo caught on and took a different angle, kunai-knifing anything Shutaro reached for. A vein twitched in Shutaro's head.

"You should have toast!" Ryoko shouted, moving in close to him.

"With hot bread!" Shingo added, hanging off Shutaro's arm.

"Try some eggs, brother" Ryoko annoyed.

"Steak is delicious!" Shingo declared.

"Maybe some takoyaki?" Ryoko said.

"Eel!" Shingo demanded. "You must eat eel for maximum natural results!" Shutaro was starting to get severely annoyed and winced painfully as the two annoying beings started crowding closer and closer.

"It stops at the affected area and immediately dissolves!" Ryoko cheered.

"You should eat some toast!" Shingo said. Shutaro finally reached his breaking point and started shaking. Ryoko and Shingo backed off and observed. "You think he found something to eat?" Shingo asked. Shutaro snapped around with his sword up and started attacking blindly. Ryoko and Shingo both defended as best they could, but the havoc that Shutaro could create with his sword was greater than what they could defend against.

"Kyaaa!" Ryoko shouted frightfully. "Big brother, you monster! How could you attack your little sister!?"

"Stop Master Shutaro!" Shingo begged. "I don't want to have to kill you!"

"You!?" Shutaro growled. "Kill me? Oh, quite the opposite. Shingo, I will kill-!" and Ryoko stopped him. She threw a huge, iron bell over her brother and started innocently collapsed to her knees and cried in her hands.

"UWAAAAH!!" Shutaro bellowed. "It's dark! It's cramped! I'm SCARED!!!"

"Boo hoo hoo..." Ryoko dramatically sobbed. "How could he...? How could he...? Boo hoo."

"Are you alright?" Shingo asked, pointing his sword at her.

"I suppose" Ryoko answered. "Please, help my brother get some fresh air, Shingo." Shingo nodded, picked up the bell, and carried it away. As he did, Shutaro used his paranoia-honed fear and busted the bell into pieces. Shingo just tightened his grip and drew his arms around his master.

"Stop, you moron!" Shutaro demanded. "Help! Someone help! I need a man in black glasses!"

"They're on medical leave" Mr. Mendo said, taking a sip of tea.

"All of them!?" Shutaro exclaimed. Shingo made a running start and chucked Shutaro far away from the main compound. He landed in the surrounding forest with an inaudible crash...

* * *

"This" Shutaro "is madness...what can I do? How can I stop this stupidity within my own home!?" Shutaro got up using his sheathe as a crutch and started hobbling through the woods, totally unsure as to where he was going and how to get out. "Shingo and my sister...a travesty. A crime! I won't allow my little sister to court with such a lowly man as Shingo! He isn't even a partially decent bodyguard. If only I could acquire some aid in quelling this monstrous uprising, I could convince Ryoko against getting involved with Shingo!"

Shutaro attempted to make his way through the forest of his compound, but was quickly lost among the growing density of the trees. Eventually he came upon a steep hill and scaled it. For some reason, a large splash of water cascaded from the hill which Shutaro barely dodged.

"What was that?" Shutaro asked. He finally finished scaling the hill, brushed himself off of the dirt and grass he accumulated, and stopped right in Tobimaro's face.

"Shu-chan!?" Tobimaro exclaimed. Shutaro's eyes bugged out and his mouth hung open in a twitching smirk. "What are you doing all the way out here?"

"...out...?" Shutaro repeated.

"How did you find me in the uncharted wilderness?" Tobimaro asked. Shutaro quickly gathered himself, clenched his fist and morphed his angry face into that of an enraged octopus! The smack to the upside of Tobimaro's head was heard in low orbit. Shutaro had beaten his skull with the blunt side of his sword.

"Wilderness!?" Shutaro roared to the pained Tobimaro. "This is my HOME! You IDIOT!!!"

"It is?" Tobimaro dumbly asked. Indeed, obviously, it was. "Imagine that." Tobimaro got back up to his feet, but Shutaro smashed him back down to the ground. "What's your problem, Shu-chan!? You wanna go at it!?"

Shutaro growled a few more times, then sighed and regained his handsome disposition. He sheathed his sword and sighed. "No, I do not" he admitted. "My sister and my 'bodyguard' have gotten on my family's nerves lately, and we can't rightly do anything about it anymore..."

"How so?" Tobimaro said. "It's not like you'll miss Shingo."

"Ryoko isn't flirting her usual way" Shutaro said, surprising Tobimaro. "They are cavorting freely and daily in the constant and progressing attempt to annoy the very sanity out of me! I swear, I think this may just be a plot they conspired to get me into a crazy home! Or worse, a poor house!"

"Well," Tobimaro helpfully began "I wish I could help you, Shu-chan. However, the thought of your sister tormenting someone other than me is too pleasant for me to care about anything else. You're on your own!"

"You bastard!" Shutaro cursed.

"Grandson!" shouted an old man from the thicket. Shutaro and Tobimaro turned together and saw the bushes near the top of the hill rustling like someone was on the other side of them. An old man in ninja-garb came bursting out with tears in his eyes. "GRANDSON!" He made a flying leap towrd Shutaro, who took his sheathe from his waist and pinned the old man to the ground with it.

"I'm your master ,dammit!" Shutaro bellowed. "Get it right for once!" The old man looked up and realized his errors yet again.

"Young master!" the old man said in shock. "Thank goodness! You must aid me! My grandson, Shingo, has left me again! I can't find him! One day he was watching _Zorro: The Masked Swordsman_, said he had an idea for Lady Ryoko and departed without a word!" Shutaro could see it all already. In his inner mind theater he watched Shingo watching his 'grandfather' with a biting question in mind...

* * *

"_Grandfather" Shingo asked the television set, "I have met a wonderful woman, but she is too distant from me. How can I tell her how I feel and how can I be sure she feels the same way?" Inevitably, a fight scene between Zorro and the beautiful lady of the film would break out and it would end in those two falling deeply in love...for some reason. "I see!" Shingo said. "That must be it! I will challenge her to a due land win her heart!" Then he left and began this torturous cycle that Shutaro had to live through. _

"_Shingo?" Shingo's grandfather kindly called. "Come here. I'll show you how to work the lawnmower!" The grandfather walked into the room and saw that it was empty. However, his memory was so bad that not seeing Shingo got blocked out by the movie and he watched the ending in Shingo's place..._"It makes total sense that way" Tobimaro noted, having peeked in on Shutaro's subconscious somehow. "Regardless, it's not my problem. Farewell." Tobimaro left his rival for his nearby campsite, complete with a large tent and campfire. Shutaro saw his accommodation as a means of leverage.

* * *

"Of course it's your problem" Shutaro said in his suave and persuading way with his sword out. "You're technically on my property. You know how fast it would take for my guards to find you and arrest you for potential to commit off-season war-crimes via subterfuge of our private facilities!?" Tobimaro, shocked by Shutaro's use of war-related technical banter, turned wit ha start. "You could be up here plotting how to cut off our water supply ,then attempt to raid us with your private army! We'll be forced to drink from the lake until you drain that too, and we all become delirious of dehydration! You monster! How dare you try to underhand the great Shutaro MENDO!?"

"You came up with all that yourself!" Tobimaro said. "Honestly Shutaro, what do you want me to do!? What can either of us do!?"

"We can unite" Shutaro said "and take down both of those trouble-making pains. If you can distract Ryoko away from Shingo, I can debilitate him and get him away from her long enough to reprogram him! He's an idiot, so it should be easy!"

"That's all fine" someone else besides any of the present three said, "but what about me?" Tobimaro looked back at his tent, where the voice was coming from, and someone came out. Shutaro, so surprised and somewhat terrified to see who it was, dropped his sword and started shivering.

"No!" he gasped. "You? How!? Where!?!? How did you get here!?" The curious young man stood at equal height to Shutaro and Tobimaro, of a modest or meager build, and had some rather naturally styled yet unkempt hair. "Tell me, how did you get in my compound, Moroboshi!?"

Ataru smiled dastardly, then turned his face to a more neutral, casual appearance and pointed with his thumb to Tobimaro. "This guy was lost" Ataru explained "in my backyard, so I guided him here to get away from Lum."

"It's true" Tobimaro admitted. "I should have told you sooner, I guess." Shutaro was at an utter loss for words.

"Well why are you still here?" Shutaro asked. Ataru shrugged innocently and chuckled.

"I'm not too sure" Ataru said, laughing. "I may be lost, to be honest! Hehehe!!" Shutaro grimaced deeply and thoughtfully considered seppuku to absolve his problems. "I do have a plan though. We can get Shingo away from Ryoko and reprogram him easily, but the main problem will be distracting Ryoko long enough to get Shingo away from her."

"???" Tobimaro grunted, tilting his head sharply onto his shoulder with his hands folded in his samurai-garb sleeves.

"Listen" Ataru said provocatively. "Here's what we do..."

* * *

Over an hour later, with still no sign of Shutaro, the Mr. and Mrs. of the estate decided to act on getting their own lunch.

"Do you know how to cook still?" Mr. Mendo asked his wife.

"Somewhat" Mrs. Mendo admitted. Suddenly, there was a knock at the main doors. Mr. Mendo got up, ignorantly avoiding some flying projectiles, and walked over to answer it. As he neared the door it blew open with a plume of hot smoke that stunned Mr. Mendo and forced him to belch a puff of smoke in response before falling down.

"Who is it dear?" Mrs. Mendo called. Ryoko and Shingo stopped fighting to stare at the blown-open doors.

"What was that?" Shingo asked.

"Perhaps it is my brother" Ryoko said "come to spoil the fun!"

"That's right, my devious little sister!" Shutaro called from the clearing smoke screen. Soon four figures wearing matching ninja-garb outfits, part of which were taken from the decommissioned (by Ryoko) Kuroko outfits came into view. One held a huge iron Oni-style mace on his shoulder, one wielded a wooden hammer, one with particularly bad posture held his hands out as his weapons, and finally one had a shining samurai sword. To hide themselves, each one wore an identical octopus mask. "You're reign of chaos has lasted more than long enough! We are here to break you two up!"

"What!?" Ryoko dramatically gasped.

"What does that mean?" Shingo asked.

The one with the katana posed it in a practical kendo fashion and aimed at both the lovers. "This affair is over!" he roared. The Octopus-men sprinted forward at the two ninja-warriors and met them head on!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Octopus Battle! Shingo's Confession of...Love?

* * *

"You're going to separate us?" Ryoko said with dire distress. She clinged close to Shingo as the strange octopus-masked men came charging into the Mendo home, weapons in hand. "Oh, but our love is sweet and innocent! How can tyrants like you understand pure love? Shingo!" Ryoko then sternly commanded, "Kill them!" Shingo wordlessly sprang to action and intercepted the octopus holding the sword with his own.

"You'd better move" the octopus samurai said.

"Why?" Shingo said. They were locked in a deadly power struggle. Neither of them wanted to back down and their equal power prevented them from taking each other over.

"Moroboshi!" Shutaro whispered to his side, "help me! Please!"

"I'll save you, young master!" Shingo's grandfather shouted. He flew in from behind and landed with his hands poised at Shingo's back. Before Shingo could turn around to face his opponent the geezer dropped to the ground clutching his hip. "Oh! Ow! My hip! I forgot how old I was!"

"MORON!" Shutaro shouted.

"Ryoko!" Tobimaro shouted, charging with his bat in hand ready to swing a homerun. "You've pestered us all long enough! Consider this my formal declination as well!" Ryoko was confused. She didn't know just who that was under the mask, but the signs apparently pointed to it being Tobimaro. The flying samurai-style ponytail coming out the back of the mask was the dead give-away. "HUAAAH! DIE!" Ryoko reached out her leg and made a swift kick for his crotch. Tobimaro jumped away just in time and panted out of fear.

"Poor little Ton-chan" Ryoko mocked, breaking out in condescending laughter. "You should know better! I own you Ton-chan! Nothing you can do will separate us either!"

"What about me?" Ataru asked from behind. He ran his fingers up Ryoko's slender sides and forced her to stick out her tongue in disgust and shiver. "I'd love to be your pet, Ryokoooo!" Ryoko turned around quickly and pulled a metal mallet from her dimensional storage. She used it to knock Moroboshi through the roof and far away.

"DIE!" Tobimaro shouted once more. Ryoko turned and defended with her mallet as Tobimaro's Oni mace crashed down and dented it in one swing. Ryoko backed off and pulled out a different weapon, this time an electrically charged club. She made a stab for Tobimaro's gut, but he tucked it in deep and backed away. With a loud breath out Tobimaro's abs returned and started aching from imploding so much.

"You're mine" Ryoko said, "forever!" She made a baseball swing that barely missed the mark. Now Tobimaro decided to fight back with a home run swing of his own, but he accidentally triggered his mace to grow exponentially. His mace drifted back and hit the ground next to Shutaro and Shingo, separating them at last from their power struggle. Tobimaro was stuck under the weight of his huge mace, and the merciless Ryoko took advantage of the situation by shocking him unconscious.

"How pathetic of you" Ryoko mocked. Suddenly, a chill sent her back reeling back in a terrified arch and her fingers twitched. Ataru was, somehow, pawing at her again.

"You didn't need him anyway" he said. "You're too good and rich and cute for a guy like him!" Ryoko shoved him down and pulled out an automatic rifle, shooting at him as much as possible. While she was attempting a fatality her brother snuck up on her and sent a death shiver down her spine. She spun around and saw the angry octopus making a head-splitting slice through the air.

"KYAA!" Ryoko shouted. She quickly raised her gun to block the sword but only slowed it long enough to get away. She stepped on the empty robes that the perverse octopus wore but paid them no mind as her demented brother was angrily treading toward her.

"You've been a nuisance to me" Shutaro growled under his mask "nearly since you were born. Ryoko, you are a terrible little sister! You always flee to mother or father to get your way and throw grenades at me when I have something to say!"

"That's what little sisters do" Ryoko said very matter-of-factly. Ataru rose up from nowhere and draped his arm around her shoulder with a scoff.

"Honestly Shutaro" Ataru chided, "how can you be so thick. You need to let your sister be herself, and love her regardless of who she dates." Ryoko elbowed the breath out of Ataru but he still managed to pull off his goofy chuckle as he sank away in pain. Shingo came flipping through the air and landed with his back to Ryoko. She cowered away with fright, thinking he was an enemy, then looked up with hope at the young man with outstretched arms protecting her.

"Oh, Shingo" Ryoko cooed.

"Out of the way, idiot" Shutaro ordered. "I must punish my wicked sister for harassing me _and_ disabling our entire workforce!"

"No!" Shingo shouted. "She is mine alone to kill!" Shutaro's mask mimicked his very confused look at Shingo's snippet. Ryoko didn't know what to think. She just kept her innocent smile and nervously started backing away. Shingo snapped around with sword in hand in a stabbing motion that stopped just short of her eye. "She is my nemesis, my rival. If you try to intervene, I'll have to kill you as well!"

"Wait..." Ataru began, "what?" Shingo's grandfather pounded his fist into his palm a distance away from the fight.

"Ah yes" he said. "Now I remember. He's not after love at all! He wants revenge!"

"Revenge?" Ataru asked.

* * *

To be properly explained in any way that can make sense, we must go back several days to when this stupidity began. Shingo was sitting in the gardening shed with his sleeping, old grandfather and brand new, 27" color...grandfather. He was watching the television intently, hoping to learn some words of profound wisdom as responses to the questions he asked.

"Grandfather" he asked "I have met a girl. She drives me utterly insane! I don't know what to do in this situation."

"Explain yourself" a TV character demanded.

"Alright" Shingo agreed. "Well, she's not very nice at all and she has a tendency to get my master into trouble frequently. I don't want to be a burden to anyone as a bodyguard, but she is my master's sister. Not only that, but ever since we returned to Earth from space, you know, you were there, she's been trying to get me to fight her using our similar ninja weapons."

"That is your rival in there!" another character shouted. "She can't be easily bested! You need to train every day, compete against her every chance you get, become the strongest dancer in all of Japan! Do you hear me, Aiko!?"

"Yes Mr. Ima!" the girl shouted.

"I don't know who Aiko is" Shingo shouted at the top of his lungs with passion and drive, arms thrust in to the air and feet planted on the arms of his couch, "but yes, I understand! She is my rival!!! So what now?" he asked very calm and studiously. He sat back down and accidentally changed that channel to some strange horror film.

"We must kill them" a grim looking character said.

"Very well" Shingo said. He suited himself up and brandished his short sword as he prepared to head out to kill his new rival with somewhat lackluster enthusiasm. In his motions to leave the shack he disturbed and awoke his real grandfather, who nearly fell off his bed.

"Young master" the old man said "where are you going?"

"To kill my rival" Shingo plainly explained "master Shutaro's sister Ryoko."

"Ah, I see" the old man said. He laid himself down to back to sleep and nearly let Shingo leave. "Wait a moment!" the old man shouted. He stopped Shingo from progressing any further than the electric circuit-board grass that bordered the tiny hut in the middle of the electrical jungle deep in the darkest corner of the Mendo estate grounds. "You aren't really going to kill her, are you!?"

"It's what grandfather wants me to do" Shingo said. "I must obey my grandfather! He knows so much." The old man could see the wanderlust in Shingo's eyes. He would not truly kill if his real grandfather were to tell him otherwise.

"Listen, young master" the old man began, "reconsider. How can this girl be your rival if she is dead? You must compete with her, spar with her, show her your mettle is greater and earn her respect."

"Then kill her?" Shingo asked.

"Never kill her" the old man instructed. "Just fight with her in a friendly manner until you can fight no more. Then return here and rest. It will be good practice you can use to protect master Shutaro with. Just make sure you don't hurt either of them mortally, alright?"

"Yes, sure" Shingo said. He darted off through the woods to the Mendo mansion and began his annoying practices immediately with his wise old grandfather looking out with a sense of pride.

* * *

"PRIDE MY ASS!!!" Shutaro said, smashing the old man's head with the blunt end of his sword. The old man was knocked out and thrown to the ground. "Unbelievable..."

"Ahem!" Ryoko cutely chimed in. Shingo was still standing over her with his blade ready to drop right into her chest and no one had done anything about it. "Help? Please big brother?"

"Consider this" Shutaro started. He took off his mask and sheathed his sword, then leaned on it to appear care-free. "Maybe I don't want you alive anymore. All you do is bother me and try to sabotage my dates with miss Asuka. Perhaps I'll be better off if you're dead."

"Shutaro!" Mrs. Mendo shouted. "How dare you consider such actions against your little sister!"

"I agree" Ataru said, siding way too close with Mrs. Mendo. "Shutaro, you get that idiot off your sister right now!"

"Make her promise" Shutaro demanded "that she will hence leave me alone when I am with Asuka! That is the one thing I will not move on!" Suddenly, from the smoky debris, Mr. Mendo emerged and put his hand on his son's shoulder. Only a few times in Shutaro's life had he ever felt such a terrifying presence. It made him shiver from head to toe in fear.

"Shu...ta...ro..." Mr. Mendo growled out. The family and waking Tobimaro looked on with anticipation as to what would happen. Mr. Mendo coughed out a ball of smoke and fell back over to the ground. Shutaro was still shock-still for a moment, the regained his composure and combed his hair.

"Big brother" Ryoko began, catching everyone's attention once again, "I agree."

"Really?" Shutaro asked in disbelief.

"I won't trouble you around miss Asuka" Ryoko promised. "I know you like her, and I...just want you to be happy."

"Ryoko" Shutaro said solemnly. Shingo looked very confused at that moment, but from what he heard it meant that his fight was over for the day and he sheathed his sword.

"Come on, grandson" the old man said grabbing the shoulder of his only kin, "let us go back home."

"You idiot!" Shutaro shouted. "I'm not Shingo!"

"Ah yes" the grandpa said. Shingo helped Ryoko up and made sure she stayed on her feet.

"It's been fun so far" Ryoko told him. She pulled him in for a hug, which Ataru hated to see happen, and moved her lips close to his ear. "You will walk to the moon barefoot before you ever get close to killing me, you worthless maggot!" The sheer hatred in her hiss reminded everyone just why Ryoko was scary, even though she pushed him away with a somewhat forlorn smile and walked innocently away. Shingo was left confused, mindless and very tired for some odd reason.

"Well, I'd best leave as well" Ataru said, picking up his clothes as he was still in his boxers and undershirt. "It's been quite nice, Mrs. Mendo. We'll have to have tea sometime soon." Mrs. Mendo gave a lady-like wave good bye as Ataru gentlemanly spun Ryoko around by her wrist. Shutaro picked up his father and propped him on his shoulders, shooting Ataru a mean glance on his way out.

"I blame you for this" Shutaro said. "You'd better be ready to face the consequences of this moronic incident!"

"Ah, whatever" Ataru huffed. He picked up Tobimaro and dragged him out by the collar of his suit. "I'll send a check in the mail." The sarcasm actually left a bite mark on Shutaro somehow. He shrugged his father over his shoulder to make him more comfortable and approached his family.

"So what now?" Ryoko asked. All four stomachs of the regal Mendo family growled extremely loudly. Obviously, in all the panic, everyone had forgotten to eat.

"May I suggest" Shutaro said "some gourmet delivery?"


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Hotel Moroboshi, Open for Private Business Only!

* * *

At the Moroboshi household, it was business as usual. Mrs. Moroboshi was maintaining the frail state of her umpteen-time leveled house, silently praying that nothing would happen to wreck it again. Mr. Moroboshi was relaxing after a day of toil and work to provide for his mostly grateful family. Ataru was out on the town, inevitably causing trouble, with Lum and Ten keeping a very close eye on him all the while.

"I swear" Mrs. Moroboshi began suddenly, "that son of mine makes more trouble than he's worth. When is he going to start pulling his weight around here?"

"Calm down a bit dear" her husband said from the other room. "Ataru's still in his endless youth. He thinks the world is his for the taking, and most likely, he's out there taking it all in."

"Why are you siding with him?" she asked. "All the damage he does comes from your paycheck." Mr. Moroboshi sighed and hung his head down.

"I know" he shamefully admitted. Out in the Tomobiki streets, Ataru walked in an unbreakable gait with Lum hovering close behind. They both wore their own casual clothes, with Lum actually dressed up in a sweater and khaki pants. She held Ten in her arms, knowing he couldn't keep up with them otherwise. Ataru wore a plain white shirt and plain brown pants, trying hard not to stand out with an alien hovering along with him.

"What about there?" Lum asked, pointing her finger right across Ataru's face to a random shop.

"Nope" Ataru said. She went back to her observing the shops they passed and prepared another question for her begrudged husband.

"That one?" she again asked.

"There aren't any love hotels around here" Ataru said spitefully. "Can you quit asking?"

"I think it's useful information" Lum argued. "After all, we're a couple. We need to be able to go out by ourselves and enjoy our company in private right?"

"How many girls could I bring to make it company?" Ataru asked. Lum snarled at him and he just laughed. Ten wasn't listening to their strange and somewhat perverse banter. He brought along a small alien device that played music so he wouldn't have to hear Ataru's voice. "Let's head home" Ataru motioned. "It looks like it might rain soon."

"Really?" Lum said. She floated down to her feet and walked alongside her Darling. She could feel a cool breeze move her hair around playfully. The clouds in the sky were large and bulbous. In the distance behind them, above the roofs of the street shops and houses, the sky began to darken.

"Yup" Ataru said. "Trust me, I know how to spot a bad omen after living through most of them."

"Was that another shot at me?" Lum angrily asked.

"Not intentionally" Ataru admitted. "Although, now that the notion is in my head, I may as well make it a shot at you." Lum gave him a stiff elbow to the chest, opting out of her normal shocking with an infant in her arms. "Ow!" Ataru grunted. As the couple rounded a corner to make their way back home they were greeted with a rather strange and unpredicted sight. A small hut built out of scrap wood and spare parts was built in the middle of the road, blocking the light traffic and infuriating drivers.

"What's that?" Lum asked.

"Not sure" Ataru answered. He moved to inspect it, his curiosity budding for strange reasons about the not-so-odd thing in the very-strange Tomobiki streets. He approached, with Lum close behind him, a the line of spectators already present.

"Hey kid!" a random man leaning inside the small structure shouted. "Wake up and move your pile of crap! We're trying to get home! Couldn't you build this eye-sore somewhere else?" That man was promptly ejected by some surprising force. The rest of the normal spectators retreated a bit in fear, but Ataru decided he was no normal man and approached the entrance to the small hut.

"Yo!" he called. "Is someone in here?" Ataru leaned down into the wooden hut and saw, of all people, Tobimaro Mizunokoji brewing stew over a small campfire inside. Tobimaro looked up and found himself likewise surprised by Ataru's presence.

"Moroboshi?" Tobimaro said in surprise. Lum hovered into sight as well with a her brows cocked in a curious way. "Lum? You too? Can you tell me why so many people are out in the foothills?" It was obvious what happened. Ataru and Lum shared a mutual glance of eye-to-eye embarrassment. Tobimaro darted his head between the two of them and tried to reach a conclusion as to why they were so deep in the woods...

* * *

Eventually Lum and Ataru talked Tobimaro into coming with them. He realized quickly just where he was and paced behind them with his hair draped over his face in shame.

"It always happens" Tobimaro mumbled to himself in grief. "Every time I try to get away and find some place peaceful that Asuka can't find me, I almost always end up lost!"

"Where are we taking him?" Lum asked, far enough ahead of the downtrodden young heir to speak clearly to Ataru. Ataru winked and put a finger over his grinning mouth.

"Listen" Ataru said, "Tobimaro is nearly as rich as Mendo is, right?" Lum rolled her eyes up thoughtfully and tried to make an estimate of some kind. "I figure we can take him in out of good hospitality until he thinks is safe for him to go home."

"For a price" Lum said, finishing for him. Ataru didn't answer her directly. He just leaned back and chuckled. "That's a bit cruel, Darling. I'm sorry, but I don't want to exploit and extort our friends for cheap profit!"

"I'll use the money" Ataru said "to pay for a date with you after he leaves." Lum's face reset at the prospect. Now she was eagerly nodding and wanted the plan to follow through. She grappled into Ataru's arm with her free hand, still letting him move on his own. He turned around to face his glum buddy and spoke up. "Say Tobimaro, if you need a place to stay we can rent you a room at my house."

"Ah!" Tobimaro gasped. "Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Sure friend" Ataru said, turning full around with a grin. Lum posed herself with a seductive smile on his shoulder, obviously very comfortable with her position physically and emotionally. "Anything for a buddy of mine...so long as you can afford the rent."

"Rent?" Tobimaro asked. "Ah, that's right." He moved his hands into his robes and stopped walking. Ataru and Lum stopped as well, keeping their faces nervously frozen for fear that they may have lost their prospective funding. "That's what's customary in this kind of situation. I can't blame you though, and I very well can't refuse. For housing away from Asuka, and moreover a place where I can train my baseball prowess, I will gladly pay." Ataru and Lum exhaled finally after holding their breath.

"Well then, let's head home" Ataru said.

"All four of us" Lum added.

"Yes" Tobimaro said seriously "of course!" He walked a bit closer to his two hosts with a sense of duty and purpose. _Although_ he thought _I should still be as gracious and hard-working as I normally am. It isn't often that I get a hand extended to help me. If I must exchange a bit of pocket change to support the Moroboshi household then I will pull my weight and become as strong as possible in this time!!!_

_Sucker_ Ataru thought with a snide smile. _I'll be rich in nearly no time! I'll be able to buy myself out of any inedible dinner this woman makes me for well over a year!_

_A date with Darling_ Lum thought dreamily. She snuggled up closer to her Darling and sighed happily. _If all goes well, our budget will be so big we can go to the city and visit a love hotel! He won't have an excuse if it works, so I'll help him by being the best hostess I know how to be!_

_I wonder what just happened _Ten thought with a lethargic face. _Oh well. I'm sure I'll end up finding out soon enough... _After a rather spry jog, and just before the first roll of thunder passed, Ataru successfully guided himself and his company home. He entered his house and removed his shoes.

"We're home!" he called to his parents. Tobimaro saw the shoes y the door and noticed that his sandals were quite dirty. He took them off and prepared to step onto the clean carpet, but noticed that his socks too were dirty.

"Come on in" Lum offered kindly. "Our home is, for now, your home."

"Can I request something?" Tobimaro humbly asked. Ataru snapped around, not wanting his guest's well-paid request to go unheard. "Would you have some house shoes I can use? My socks are a bit...worn in. I'd hate to dirty your carpet as soon as I come in."

"Sure thing man" Ataru said. He went to the closet and fished around for a moment before coming up with some well-maintained slippers that belonged to his father. He ignored that fact and gave the slippers to his guest.

"Thank you" Tobimaro said. He slipped the shoes on and stepped up into the house. "You know, I don't quite remember ever coming in here. It's nice and quaint. I don't know what Shu-chan complains about."

"Well, you know Mendo" Ataru said jokingly. "He's just a big blusterer."

"True" Tobimaro said with a grin. They both laughed softly before Ataru made a split-decision.

"Oh yeah" Ataru began, "we have plenty of extra futons and sheets for you if you don't have any. Just set yourself up in here and we'll bring them down to you."

"Thank you very much" Tobimaro said. Ataru led him into the main sitting room. The table was empty and the seat cushions were vacant. The TV in the corner was currently off and much smaller than the one Tobimaro was more used to watching at his own home, but it was for the better in his opinion. He noticed the side yard was spacious enough for him to train in without disturbing anyone during whatever hours he chose to practice in.

"Oh!" Mrs. Moroboshi said in surprise. She entered the room with a steamy rice cooker in her hands. Her husband was coming in behind her with a plate of delicious fish and pork. "I didn't know we were having company."

"Oh yes" Tobimaro said. "I'll be staying here for a while. Not for free, of course."

"Now hold on" Mrs. Moroboshi began, "who ever said this wasn't a normal house? You can---" Ataru cut her off from finishing her gracious rant. He whispered quickly in her ear about, most likely, the fortune there was to be made. "I hope you're hungry" she said in a totally different, very pleased tone. "We made plenty of food, and as our guest, you may take as much as you wish!"

"Now wait a minute!" Mr. Moroboshi demanded. He set the food on the table and stood up with his arms pumping angrily. "I'm the breadwinner here! I should---" Lum made it her duty to inform him of the exact situation. His attitude changed instantly. He left the room, leaving Tobimaro to take a seat on one of the cushions between Ataru and Lum. Ten floated down beside Ataru as Mr. Moroboshi reentered the room with a cushion in hand.

"So you're an heir too?" Mr. Moroboshi happily said, assuming small talk. "My son seems to attract so many interesting, wealthy people!" He started chuckling goofily like his son until his wife elbowed him.

"Be less subtle" she hissed privately.

"I must deeply thank you all for your hospitality" Tobimaro said. "However, I won't take this stay of mine lightly. I must use every moment I have here to its fullest, sharpening my mind and body for the inevitable! If it is alright with you, I would only like a light meal of rice before my training."

"Training?" Mrs. Moroboshi said.

"The greatest of samurai" Tobimaro began "even if they are born as geniuses, can die in battle if they do not practice. If I wish to be the greatest baseball player of all time, to bring limitless pride and joy to my parent's name, I must practice everyday against the harsh elements to hone my skill! I must pour myself into each swing of my bat and survive on nothing but baseball! That is my goal, and those are my methods! Now, if you will excuse me," he took a pause between his preaching to quickly gobble down a bowl of rice and then clapped his hands together in thanks when he was done, "I shall retire to the yard to train. Thank you for the meal, it was delicious." Tobimaro got up and moved out of the room for the yard.

"Nice guy, isn't he?" Ataru said. "He even left all this food for us to eat!" Ataru made a reach for the plate of meat but had his hand slapped by his own mother.

"You better share some of that fortune with us" she snarled referring to herself and her husband. "We're the ones keeping this roof over your head!"

"Like you'd have ever thought of this on your own" Ataru said. "This is solely my brainchild! The profits are mine alone!"

"And then we'll have an expensive date!" Lum mentioned. Ataru's face shifted to a very blank but nervous state. He had hoped she forgot about that already. "Just like you promised!"

"Maybe I should have paid more attention today" Ten said to himself. "I feel like I missed out on a lot of stuff..."

* * *

3:00 in the morning. Where the usual sounds of painful and panicked screaming would have jarred the neighbors, now the faint metal clank of bat against ball was heard above the soft, pattering rain. Tobimaro was training still, retrieving a baseball from under his soaked garments and using his weighted Oni club to swing it into the distance. He had already succeeded in pissing off a majority of the neighborhood by breaking a few windows and, apparently, setting off a car alarm, but this was all nothing!

_Training here_ Tobimaro told himself _will only aid my control. I must learn to gauge the power of my swings if I don't want to break things. Yes! That will be my proper training while I stay with the gracious Moroboshi! I could not ask for anything greater than this opportunity! Even though he hasn't given me a number, I will be sure to pay him and his family handsomely for this!_

Ataru, on the other hand, was having second thoughts. He was tossing about in his bed, clutching his ears with a pillow to try and dampen the shouts of his neighbors and the metal clanking of Tobimaro's bat. Even Lum's patience had a limit, it seemed, as she stuck her head out of her closet bed and saw her Darling awake through irritated eyes.

"You sure you can't just work for money, Darling?" she asked annoyedly. Ataru turned around, unwilling to deal with her, and winced as another crack of metal sounded. Ataru's parents, on the other hand, were smart enough and experienced enough in noisy nights to have equipped themselves with earplugs and were sleeping quite soundly. Tobimaro ecstatically hit what he declared to be a home run and smiled. He didn't care about the rain, it was just another natural condition like the woods and wilds he trained in so much.

_Thank you Moroboshi!_ Tobimaro said graciously. _Thank you so much!_ So far, he was the happiest person at the household.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Demands Go Out! Just Who Needs Rescuing Here?

* * *

It was another sleepless night for Ataru. Being the manager of a highly profitable housing service for the illustrious Tobimaro was beginning to take its tole.

"I'm so sick of this" he mumbled at the breakfast table his guest was absent from. "Even Lum is absent this morning."

"I thought you'd be happy about that" his mother said.

"That just tells me" Ataru explained "that this is a really bad idea. Lum never gets up if she knows she's just going to end up crying herself to sleep for some reason. Either that or she isn't getting any sleep at all, like me, but she would still want to try and sit with me or something. Tobimaro is stretching my last nerve..."

"I think the phrase" his father said "is 'he's getting on my last nerve'."

"That's another thing!" Ataru demanded. "Why are you two so damn cheery every morning!? Are you actually getting sleep?"

"Well" his mother said, not making eye contact with her dubious son.

"I need to get up in the morning, so...." his father said, looking away.

"I knew it!" Ataru exclaimed. "You're hoarding ear plugs, aren't you!?" Ataru sank into a pout, then fell over due to exhaustion. He sighed away his frustration and embraced his comfortable floor. He heard a pounding on the floor and shot back up, acting as energetic as he could for Tobimaro, his guest, so he could not see the effects his stay was having.

"Good morning, Tobimaro" Mrs. Moroboshi greeted.

"Good morning" Tobimaro politely said. He sat next to Ataru, who was eating and smiling, and rested his club against his shoulder like a sheathed sword. "I must say, Moroboshi, this training is really paying off for me. Perhaps after my morning stretching you could join me. I could use a pitcher so I can properly hit a moving ball as a professional would."

"Oh, sure pal" Ataru agreed happily. "I just need to see if Lum's going to get up and I'll be right out." Tobimaro smiled graciously and began eating. Ataru finished eating whatever he was eating, as he was too tired to see or care, and made a break for the upstairs. He made it inside his own room and fell flat to the floor. He remained there for a moment before pushing himself back up hesitantly and made his way to the closet.

_If he knows how bad we're all doing_ Ataru reminded himself _he'll get all humble and want to leave on our behalf. So far I've gotten enough out of him to rebuild this whole house, which is great, but to pay off all the girls necessary and get a building permit, it'll take a few more weeks until I can build a harem. I can't wait or survive that long!_ He opened his closet door and saw the curled body of Lum sleeping angelically. Her beauty in slumber didn't stop him from nudging her until he got a satisfactory grunt of acknowledgment.

"Uggh...Darling?" Lum mumbled.

"Can you give me a wake-up shock?" Ataru politely asked. "Tobimaro needs me as a training partner." Lum looked over, shading her eyes with her arm, and reached out to oblige him. In her tired state she could only muster up a weak shock that seemed not to phase Ataru at all. "No, that didn't do it." Lum grabbed him again, this time at the throat, and shocked him emotionally as she tried to grip his trachea out. "Hey!" Lum finally gave him a fierce blast of electricity before grabbing his shirt and pulling him towards her.

"Darling" she lowed, "I can't take this anymore. I can't sleep. I can't wake up. I'm extremely crabby and emotional right now. If I can't get a good night's rest here I'll go up to my UFO and stay there!"

"Let's not jump the gun here" Ataru said, his own personal way of pleading her to stay under the threat of her telling her powerful father. "I mean, we're making great money off of this!" Lum grabbed him with her other hand and pulled him in far too close for comfort.

"If you don't get him to leave soon" she growled "I'll flash-fry you both! Then I'll get Asuka to break you into tiny little pieces and gather them up so I can shoot you into SPACE!"

"Wait," Ataru said in a stroke of sudden brilliance, "that's it!"

"What?" Lum asked. Ataru broke himself loose and gently pushed Lum back into her closet. He even leaned in out of joy and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Thanks, Lum!" Ataru said. He cheerfully went on his way, leaving Lum in utter confusion. The feelings of tired frustration got the better of her dreamy love and forced her hand to angrily slam her door close to shut out the light. Ataru hurried downstairs, made sure Tobimaro was unable to interrupt him, and made a quick phone call...

* * *

At the grand Mizunokoji estate, a girl in blue shades ran with a phone to one of the main rooms. Inside the greater controlling forces of the Mizunokoji empire sat across from each other at the breakfast table, hired hands waiting in a dutiful line at the wall.

"Sir! Madam!" the girl shouted. "A phone call for you!"

"Can't it wait?" Mrs. Mizunokoji said in her maidenly, calm way.

"Master Tobimaro has been found!" the girl reported. Mrs. Mizunokoji was so excited about the news she accidentally spit a high-pressure stream of tea at her husband, knocking him over.

"Who is it on the phone!?" she demanded with great hostility, although she kept her tight smile. "Trace the call, send in an assault team, throw down some bombs! I want my son's captor killed within an inch of his life!"

"It's Ataru Moroboshi, madam" the girl said in fright. "He's allowed Master Tobimaro to stay with him at his own will for the past few days, but now says he wishes to return home."

"Oh" Mrs. Mizunokoji said with relief. "What a relief! That Moroboshi, he can be quite dependable sometimes."

"Although" the girl continued, "he has made somewhat of a demand. He said Tobimaro won't budge on his own. He suggested...rather inclined subtly, that his sister is sent to retrieve him."

"What!?" Mrs. Mizunokoji said in shock. "Does he not know the dangers? The damage?"

"It may be the only way" the girl said in desperation. "He is still on the line, if you want to try and convince him otherwise."

"Give me the phone" the noble lady demanded. Once the phone was in hand she brought it up slowly to her face. Her husband was being helped back up to his proper position by the waiting women, the stream having knocked the sense from him. "Hello?" she asked. "Is this Ataru?" Ataru was heard going off an a rather lengthy tangent on the other line. All the girls leaned in to listen. Even Mr. Mizunokoji got curious and wanted to hear what was happening. At length the conversation ended with Mrs. Mizunokoji in a sweat as she silently hung up the phone.

"Get Asuka from her quarters" she ordered "and give her a map to the Moroboshi residence. She'll need it."

"Uh...yes madam" the girl agreed. Her brow was twitching above her stylish blue shades. _What kind of linguistic skills does that Ataru have!?_ Eventually the orders were made clear. Nothing beyond the absolutely essential would be divulged to Asuka and that essentialness was this: her Big Brother Tobimaro had been captured and needed immediate rescuing. The girls would tell her this and acquire a map to guide her from her greatly sheltered estate through the man-riddled streets of greater Tomobiki and finally bring her to the destination where her dear brother waited rescue.

"It seems pretty concrete" a girl in blue shades said to another on the jeep they rode on.

"That's what worries me" the driver said. "You know how easily Lady Asuka can break concrete." Although metaphorical, the statement was dreadful for the girls. They were stirring a deadly hive with this act, even if it would result in a greater cause for someone. The girls finally arrived at Asuka's huge, private training facility, located mainly underground, and departed for the ground level entrance. There was a piece of paper in Asuka's handwriting that read 'No Men Allowed!' with men written with a shaky hand.

"Let's hope this goes well" the girl said. The other one gulped in fear. They entered and made their way through a short hall until they saw their Lady Asuka with one of her private tutors detailing the relationships between men and women. Asuka was cowering behind an upturned table.

"It's quite alright, miss Asuka" the lady said.

"No!" Asuka shouted. "No more! I don't want to know anything about what men do to girls! They're scary!" The tutor sighed and pinched her eyes.

"Lady Asuka" the girls in blue shades said dutifully. Asuka turned to them and walked over. "We have dire news. Your brother has been taken...um, captive." Asuka looked at them sternly. Obviously, the next part wouldn't go over too well. "He is being held, it seems...by Ataru Moroboshi." Asuka froze. Several seconds later she started shaking, and then she started drawing in a long breath through her nose.

"KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" She screamed.

"Lady Asuka!" one girl shouted to cut off her screaming. "What is more important!? The safety of your big brother or your fear of men?" Asuka gave it a long and hard consideration from behind her table, but then resorted back to her shrill crying.

"KYAAAA!!!" she screamed. The girls put hands to forehead and decided to let her make her own decision.

* * *

Eventually, around lunchtime, Asuka emerged from her quarters with her elegant, lady-like armor equipped. She had decided, at last, that her brother's safety trumped her totally rational fear of Ataru Moroboshi.

"For the sake of my brother" Asuka said dutifully from beneath her helmet "I would gladly risk life and limb!"

"My lady" a girl said, coming to her. "Here." The girl handed her a piece of paper.

"Eh?" Asuka grunted, taking the paper handed to her.

"It's a map" the girl explained "detailing how to get to Moroboshi's house. Your brother is there, no doubt, and we are all counting on you to bring him back safely before nightfall."

"Right!" Asuka cheered. "I'll do my best!"

"We've also made a path" the girl added "where we have determined men are least likely to be."

"Men?" Asuka said dreadfully. "Oh no. You mean...there will be more of them out there? Even before I reach my brother?"

"Indeed, Asuka" a motherly voice said. Mrs. Mizunokoji came in on horseback, as elegant an entrance as ever, to give her daughter her parting words of wisdom. "There are many men in the outside world. You know this. However, in order to succeed and bring you brother back safely, you must face your fear and bravely march through the throngs of men that will impede your path."

"I believe I will be alright, mother" Asuka said. She lifted off her helmet and revealed her glasses, given to her by the gracious teachers at her private school for girls. "With these on no man can approach me. I shall be fine, and I will remove them when I find my brother so he may come home with me."

"I am proud of you Asuka" Mrs. Mizunokoji said. "Now go! Rescue your brother from the grasp of fate!" Asuka put her helmet back on and made a dash for the exit. She passed by every and any moving vehicle in her way and leaped clear over the gilded front gates.

"Madam" the guard girl asked, "if you don't think I'm prying, why not just call Tobimaro and ask him to come home? Why send Asuka? She will only berserk and destroy things!" Mrs. Mizunokoji had to take a tissue to her tearing eyes and sniffle before she made a response. Of course, her face stayed the same with its perpetual, reserved smile.

"That young man" she began with tears of joy, "he is truly a good young man. That Ataru Moroboshi. He knows that Asuka will have to overcome her fear of men to save her brother, and that's what he wants. He is aiding us in so many ways for very little compensation. He is truly a good, blessed man to help us so!"

"Ma'am" the girl said, "I don't believe that for a second."

"I know" the noble lady said. "I didn't either..."

* * *

"Come now!" Tobimaro demanded. "Pitch like a man! Right down the center." After much pleading and several soda drinks, Ataru was finally helping Tobimaro by pitching. Unfortunately, Tobimaro's control was so inhibited that all the balls he hit would only go a few meters, barely making it back to Ataru, and he was able to blame it all on the groggy, half-minded Ataru. Regardless, Ataru winded up and pitched with all he had. It was a great pitch, and Tobimaro's swing was powerful, but the instant efforts of his training kicked in and the ball barely traveled.

"How is that helping me?" Tobimaro asked. He waited for the ball to roll right back to its pitcher and they both tried again. "Are you even trying?"

"You know pal" Ataru said, scooping the ball back up, "not all of us are monsters."

"What does that mean?" Tobimaro asked, almost ignorantly. Ataru pitched again and the ball just rolled back to him again.

"I mean" Ataru continued "that not all of us are totally meant for baseball. We have other obligations...like sleep." Another pitch, another bunt.

"You can't blame this on fatigue" Tobimaro said. "I've only been sleeping four or so hours nightly and I am always at the peak of energy the next day."

"Personal differences" Ataru said. He felt the energy in his previous food quickly wearing off as his knees began to give out. "Say, why don't you use some power?"

"That's not the point" Tobimaro said. "It's all in the control. If I can swing as hard as possible without actually moving the ball, it will throw the entire enemy team off long enough for someone to steal a base!"

"You've got that mastered" Ataru complimented. "Try belting this one with minimal movement, then."

"Alright" Tobimaro agreed. Ataru pitched, and Tobimaro made a slow and lackluster swing. The ball vanished. There was a jet roar and a gust of sonic-boom that followed after the ball that apparently went high overhead. The sudden burst of unexpected power woke Ataru right up and he looked at Tobimaro with complete shock and a building sense of excitement.

"That" Ataru slowly began "is what will win a game!"

"Thanks" Tobimaro said. Now that Ataru was awake and willing, he reached for another ball in their extra pit and prepared to pitch it. The ball Tobimaro had obliterated finally landed without a bounce into the concrete of a building. It made a deep, gray crater and stopped spinning long enough to smoke. A hand reached calmly out and grabbed it from the wall. That hand brought the ball up to a green and blue armored face with a silver face plate that slid up to reveal a girl's sparkling, starry eyes.

"This is my Big Brother's baseball!" Asuka said. "It must have come from him! It's a distress signal!" Asuka crushed the ball in her hand, small pieces of leather and string oozing out from her grip. "I need to hurry! No telling what horrible things that...man is doing to my Big Brother!" Asuka dashed off across the rooftops in what she assumed was the direction the ball flew from. She was only a few minutes of uninterrupted roof-jumping away. But of course, in Tomobiki, Murphy's Law takes precedence over everything else and her progress was inevitably impeded by men. She stopped jumping from the roofs and ducked into an alley, watching all the horrible, random men walking by.

_Oh no!_ She exclaimed. _What do I do now!? _Seeing no way out from where she was, Asuka sank to her knees in the dark alley and just quivered in fear. She would make it, somehow, just not anytime soon.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Asuka on the Town! Men, Run for your Life!

* * *

"That's right!" Asuka quietly realized in her dark alley cover, "I have a map!" She pulled out the piece of paper and analyzed it to the best of her ability. Judging from the articulate mapping and detailed line length, she was able to path a way out of trouble and straight to Moroboshi's house. However, upon a second look, she saw a small note written in the margin of the paper.

_Dear Asuka_ her mother wrote, _in order to reach your brother in time, you must take the route we have detailed for you. If you ever get lost, just find your way back to the landmarks we have detailed along the route._

"So mother made this path" Asuka said. "Then I must retrieve my Brother according to her directions. Any other way and there will surely be men lurking around..." Asuka rolled up the map and tucked into an open crease in her armor. She crouched low, readying herself to sprint across the street and up a drainpipe to the roofs just as soon as the men were gone. Asuka looked across the street, seeing only women coming and going, so she moved. It was just a brief flash, but the gust she kicked up from her desperate sprint startled all the foot traffickers nearby. She scurried up to the rooftops and made a scan of her surroundings.

"My nearest landmark" she said "should be a bathhouse..." Asuka looked all around, keeping a hand above her brow as a visor and her other hand was daintily poised at her hips with the back of her hand facing up. She finally observed a large plume of smoke coming from a long chimney and nearly leaped in joy. "I found it! Hold on, Big Brother!" Asuka dashed off across the roofs for her target. Once she arrived, like a ninja, she dashed into the shadows unseen and retrieved her map.

_Now that I'm here_ she thought, _I need to get on the other side of this block. The alley's are all blocked by dead ends, the roofs are all slanted, but the bathhouse extends all the way to the other side of the block! Perfect! I just need to go through the bathhouse and get onto the street!_ Asuka hid her map again and carefully considered her actions. She was in heavy, protective armor that she couldn't just leave lying around with men moving about, but she needed to go through the public baths to reach the other side. She had to choose between her discretion and her vulnerability.

That's when fate threw her a curve!

"That meeting was great!" a feminine voice said near the entrance. Asuka moved in the shadows to see the entrance of the bathhouse and peeked through her visor. A group of ladies wearing strange, colorful sci-fi garb came into view, chatting each other up with heavy makeup and oddly out-of-place stubbles.

"Oh, I know!" another said in a very forced high-pitch. "Those cabaret performers always dance up a storm!"

"We should try out next year" a stout lady said with a graveled voice. Her comment forced the others to giggle in a disgustingly womanly way. Asuka's eyes beamed with hope. If she could blend in with those...'women', she could slip into the bathhouse unnoticed, then make her exit out the back somehow. It was a perfect plan. She jumped out from the shadows, landed silently behind the group of 'ladies' and started walking behind them.

"Us three, please" the leading girl said to the clerk.

"Um..." the nervous young woman hummed, looking over the obviously trans-gender group of people before her. "Which...side?"

"Mens, please" the leader whispered. "Of course, it should go without saying where we should go, honey! Hohoho!"

"Ohohoho!" the fellow cross-dressers chuckled. Asuka tittered lightly, still avoiding detection in her own ,awkwardly subtle way, and sank back a step from them as they went into the unmarked left side of the baths. Asuka approached the desk, threw some rather large pocket change on the counter, and followed her cover into the locker room. Once in she hid inside a locker, still staying as stealthy as ever, and waited for silence.

"Ah, what a day" the first cross-dresser sighed. "I'm still all sweaty from that limbo tournament."

"Damn those 'Blues Brother' rejects" the gravel-voiced one growled. "I don't know how they won, but I still know that they cheated!"

"Getting mad over those men" the leader defended "will get us nowhere. Next year, our performance will top the charts of everyone's heart!"

_I wonder what they're talking about_ Asuka thought, _these strange women..._ Asuka made the grave, unknown mistake of stepping out of her cover prematurely. She crouched down to the floor, keeping only the faces of the 'women' in view above the tops of the lockers, then she reached the end of the metal wall and saw their flat chests wrapped in towels. Asuka's mind skipped a few beats at first. She didn't know what to do or think in a situation like this. The women she had been tailing for cover...were actually men!

And she was in the men's locker room!!! She didn't even try to scream. She just made a shuffling scramble for the doors outside, but instead she lost her bearings in the mental black-out and opened the door to the actual baths with a slam. After seeing a whole bath house full of men for more than a second, her fears started working up to the surface and made her armor clank and rattle loudly.

"Honey?" the lading cross-dresser still in blond wig asked as he leaned in too close, "are you alright?" Asuka drew in a few shaky, gasping breaths, then took in one smooth, long huff through her lips.

"**KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!**"

"What the heck was that?" Tobimaro asked from Ataru's backyard. Well over a mile away and even he could hear the scream.

"Who knows?" Ataru said. "It sounded like a girl." Ataru gave a sly, almost perverted chuckle. He was having so much fun watching Tobimaro belt baseballs with a skill that rivaled, no, totally eclipsed that of any professional that he had forgotten about his entire plan.

* * *

One property damage report later, Asuka was back on track. In a blind fury she had blasted her way through the rear wall of the bathhouse, injuring several men and downing the entire separator wall in the building. Needless to say, that particular bathhouse would be closed down for quite a while. Now she was walking on the roofs, staying out of view from the street that were busy with men and women alike, and read her map carefully.

"The next landmark" she read "seems to be some sort of store. Hmm. I don't recall ever going into an outlet store before. All my clothes are traditional hand-me-downs from my mother. My armor is all custom made on the estate as well..." Asuka stopped and sighed. "This scary world full of men...I feel almost regretful for not seeing more of it already. I mean...there are men out here, a _lot_ of them, and some of them even try to trick people into thinking they're women! But there are still so many things that I'm sure are safe for women to do in this town. Maybe...if I can find Big Brother, he can take me there..."

Asuka felt herself getting wrapped up in the dizzying lust of freedom that was sweeping over her. The want to explore and see the world outside her mansion, except for the men, was overwhelming to her. Then something hit her, her helmet specifically, and knocked her off balance. She stumbled desperately to keep herself on her own two feet, but fell over and dented the concrete roof she stood on with her armored butt.

"What!?" she shouted, darting her head around in confusion. "What, what..." She finally slowed down and saw the accusatory object on the floor beside her. It was a baseball. She took it up, eyed it over, and then an overwhelming sense of duty washed over her. "That's right!" she declared. "I can't ask my Big Brother to help me explore the outside world if he's _**dead!**_ I need to rescue him immediately!!!" Asuka started sprinting and jumping from roof to roof in the direction of her next checkpoint. It was a small corner shop that was having a special clearance sale on men's wear. It was bustling, almost thick with human traffic, all of it manly.

Asuka hid inside a mailbox and waited for a perfect opportunity to move. Unfortunately, after a few minutes of waiting, no women came by. This was because of a special women's wear clearance happening on the opposite corner of the block. Asuka had to cut through a swath of her own worst fears to reach her brother, at least according to the map her mother had made.

_I just need to get through_ Asuka decided _without drawing attention. If men start looking at me they'll want to chase me, and there are so many men I don't know if I could avid or fight them all off..._ Asuka shivered in fear, shaking the mailbox off of its bolted legs and denting it from within. _Okay, here I go. I'll move between them and stay low, then duck into those round shirt-displaying...things..._ Asuka moved swiftly, like a breeze, into the shop and ducked into a stand that curtained her with shirts. She peered out between two shirts and saw some men pass by as they remarked on what great deals they were getting. She ducked back in fearfully, gulped, and dashed across the floor into another stand.

"Hey cool" a boy said, picking a shirt from the cloth wall Asuka was behind. "This is just my size!" The boy didn't notice her and moved on with the shirt. Asuka had held her breath and puffed her eyes out in pure fear when she knew a man was behind her. Thankfully, for everyone, she went unseen.

"Hurry up, people" the shop-keeper yelled. "We're closing up shop soon. Get what you can in the next ten minutes!"

"Woah!" a young man shouted. "That was fast! Hey I need to check out!"

"Me too!" another man said. A mad scramble broke out for the counter. Men startied pouring into the shop from the exit that Asuka needed to take. She felt sick from fear but persevered. When a gap in the stampede showed itself she darted across the floor and made a panicked shuffle to another curtain of shirts.

"I need one of these!" a man exclaimed.

"That's just my style!" another shouted.

"Cool! Muscle shirts!" a rougher man pointed out. Hand after hand grabbed at Asuka's cover. It was deteriorating away, much like her sane control was, as the men made their final decisions and dashed for the counter.

"Yes!" a bespectacled suit-wearing man shouted, grabbing a polo shirt from the rack. "Haha! The last one! I've got it! Hey! Make way to the register!" The curtain was finally bare. The men who attempted to grab from it sulked away in defeat as much of the store was either out of stock or not their style. Asuka was up above, grabbing the ceiling and pushing against it with her feet for support. She stayed up there effortlessly and slowly shimmied her way above the mess of men to the outside where she hooked her hand on the ledge of an adjoining building and climbed up to the roofs.

"I MADE IIIIIIT!!!!" Asuka daintily declared to the heavens. She collapsed under the weight of her accumulated fear and started breathing heavily. "I made it" she said again. "Thank goodness. I just need to go through the park, the baseball diamond, the car dealership and the bar to get to the Moroboshi house and save my brother now! It should be easy...!"

* * *

"Oh dear" Mr. Mizunokoji sighed. "I feel we've done something terrible."

"Oh, my dear" Mrs. Mizunokoji responded, "whatever makes you wonder that?" Aside from the several and omens, his sandals snapping and the twelve spontaneously broken teacups on the table, he couldn't think of anything to say.

"I just worry" he said "for our daughter. Will this really work?"

"Oh, it must" she said happily. "I worry for her so much. Her perverse fixation on her brother is one thing but the irrational fear of men shuts her off from exploring the outside world completely! How can she be trusted with the legacy of her good fortune if she can't even approach a man without shouting in terror?"

"It is a necessary thing" he agreed, "I just wish there were a better way to go about this."

"That young Moroboshi isn't a fool" she said. Her words received a rather hot gaze from her adoring, perpetually-expressionless husband's face. "Well, he is no ordinary fool, at least. He seemed quite confidant that his plan would work."

"Sending her through gauntlet after gauntlet" he said "seems incredibly invasive to me. I don't know. With Asuka I always thought a more subtle touch would work better."

"Her tutor has tried that already" she defended "but every time the subject of men comes up she screams and cowers behind her desk!"

"At least we'll have our son back after this" he said with a sigh. "If those two travel together perhaps Asuka's fear can subside or just vanish altogether."

"Oh we can't have that" she said gleefully. "If my daughter has no fear, then how can she learn? All great warriors and diligent people learn off of fear, such as the fear of losing their jobs. I won't have my daughter by bleached of her fears for now. How else can I control her?"

"What!?" he said in shock. "Wait a minute, where is this coming from?"

"Oh, hush" she said. "I still want her Androphobia to clear up, just not completely. That's why we have a helicoptor team waiting to _re_capture Tobimaro once she gets there so he can continue training while she can continue searching to clear up her fear of men in the city!"

"Won't that do more harm than good?" he asked as a final statement, knowing his wife would not budge from plans she had apparently worked so hard on conceiving.

"No" she quaintly answered. As she poured her tea into a fine, expensive glass it cracked, then split straight down the middle and rolled on its two halves on the metal tray it came in on. "Oh my. How very strange." Her husband sighed and cocked his head. The denial in the room was choking him, but movement in these conditions would surely blow him away...

* * *

And meanwhile, at the Moroboshi abode, Lum had finally awoken to find Ataru enjoying a friendly game of catch and 'Tobimaro can't throw to save his or anyone else's life' in the side yard. She was sitting on the balcony, sickly slumped over herself with exhaustion, with her legs between the metal banister rails.

"Throw harder, Tobimaro" she called quietly.

"I am most certainly trying" Tobimaro graciously answered. Ataru stood, ready to catch, near the tree. Tobimaro wound up his arm, gave a roaring battle cry of "AAAAAAAHHHH!!!" and pitched the ball as hard as he could. Ataru leaned to the side with a smirk and let the ball bounce off the tree. It impacted hard, kicking off some bark, then returned straight into Tobimaro's unprepared face. The recoil was so fierce it knocked him over and winded him. Ataru was stifling his giggles while a humorless, sleepless Lum was leaning into the metal rail with her own arms as pillows.

"That wasn't funny, Darling" she called. "Help him up. We still need money from him for today."

"Yeah, yeah" Ataru said, waving her off, "I didn't forget it!" Apparently he has still forgotten about his plan, though, as he was neither gleefully expecting Asuka or bothering to prepare for her arrival by barricading every wall and door in case she went on a rampage. Had Lum known she might help...but now she was asleep in her own arms.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Asuka's Gauntlet Ends! The Rescue of Poor Tobimaro!

* * *

"That's odd" a stressful business man noted as he made his way into his most favorite bar. "I don't recall a model being here before..." It was her final obstacle, the last terrible stop in her gauntlet of fear, the bar. Not just any bar, but one that catered specifically and explicitly to men. It was a haven for the stressed and exhausted business workers of the city's greater service-industry infrastructure. It was a large bar, twice the size of any normal walk-in bar, and played loud beating music that echoed into the streets.

Seeing no immediate recourse, Asuka had abandoned her armor at her last stop and was now posing in her gymnastic leotard and special anti-approach glasses with a bead of sweat dripping down her face. Hiding in plain sight, that was her plan to bypass this man-heavy traffic area.

"Huh" the man grunted. "Well, I'm glad their at least giving some forward now. I never know who's performing first anymore..." He left, being one of the only men so far who had been drawn to notice her. Asuka felt compelled to sigh with her immense relief but was too frightened to move. So far today she had been exposed and in near physical contact with more men than ever before in her life.

_Oh my..._ Asuka thought. _How can I escape now? If I make a wrong move those men will find me out! But the longer I stay here, the longer my dearest Big Brother is being tormented at the hands of M-m-Moroboshi!_ And then the reel of Asuka's inner mind theater started rolling.

"_Fuahaha!" Ataru laughed evilly, tongue forked and horns sprouting form his forehead. "It is futile, Tobimaro! Your sister will never arrive in time!" And in the dark evil gloom of the chamber in which he was held, Tobimaro _or Asuka's vision of him _let off a brilliant glowing light from his head._

"_I am in despair" Tobimaro wept, his arms bound by heavy chains. "But, deep in my heart, there is a glow of fire! Somehow I know my dearest little sister is on her way right now to rescue me!"_

_  
"She will never make it!" Ataru growled, raising up a horse-whipping crop and beating Tobimaro with it. "She is far too cowardly and afraid of me! No force in the world would send her this way!"_

"_But there is such a force" Tobimaro said. He stood up, tore the chains apart with his own arms and extinguished the demon Ataru to nothing but a puff of smoke in his dazzling light. "That force...is Love!"_

_And somehow, through some magical and senseless clairvoyance, Asuka saw Lum asleep on the banister of a balcony railing. _

_I have to help him!_ Asuka said adamantly, returning from her demented little trek through her own mind. She looked to the left and saw a line of men entering the bar. Then she looked to her right and saw the entrance to an alley and a short procession of men who had just gotten out work. She saw no way out but to cause some kind of distraction so no eyes would be cast on her. Then she could duck into the alley, make her way up to the roofs and make the short dash required to get to Moroboshi's house.

_It's now or never_ Asuka thought. Without a moment of concrete planning, Asuka looked to her feet and saw a rather large rock. She slowly inched her foot away from the rock, preparing to give it a good kick, then aimed for the solid wall just across the street from the bar. She moved her foot forward quickly, tapped the rock and sent it spiraling into and through the wall, causing a very loud and distracting detonation as the wall and part of the building behind it gave way to the extreme force. All the men and anyone else in the street looked toward the dusty destruction and away from Asuka, who vanished in a split second. Now in the shadows of the alley, Asuka felt confident and safe enough to make her own move for the roof.

"Hang on Big Brother" Asuka said, running up the wall and onto the roof of the bar, "I'm coming to rescue you!"

"Rescue who?" A vagrant drinker who somehow found the roof and was sitting against an air-duct asked. Asuka turned to see him and jumped with fear, her legs kicking high up and her hands brought up to her gaping mouth.

"Uhhh..." she moaned with uncertainty. The man was far enough away in her vision and he didn't seem to be moving, so she thought all was fine.

"Why're you up on tha roof, li'le boy?" the man drunkenly asked. Asuka started shaking.

"I" she began with a slight stutter "am not a boy. I'm a g-g-girl!"

"Are ya?" the man asked. He leaned forward a bit, squinting his eyes, then closed them tight and rubbed them. "Ah, I need glasses" he groaned. "Sorry..." The man plopped his head against the block of concrete and stopped talking. His breathing slowed and he passed out from his excess of drinking. Asuka had never seen such a thing, someone passing out with a bottle in their hands. She was so pure in her upbringing, despite her questionable tendencies, that she had never been exposed to alcohol and was never taught about it.

"How did that happen?" she wondered out loud. "Is he perhaps dead? Or is he simply to exhausted that he couldn't stay awake? Was it whatever was in that bottle?" Asuka looked at the bottle closely, of course without approaching the snoring man, and saw the word 'sake' printed on the side. "Sake?" she said aloud to hear the word. "I wonder what it is...?"

* * *

Back at the Moroboshi house, Asuka's ultimate destination, Ataru and Lum were enjoying the first slim window at peaceful quietness they had access to in days. Tobimaro was still out cold from receiving the full force of his own strong fastball to the face and had a wet towel draped over his forehead as he laid on the floor of his unused guest room. Ataru was sitting at the table in his own room, nodding off while reading a manga, and Lum was sitting next to him, sleeping on his shoulder. He was too tired to care.

"It's another great day" Ataru said sleepily. Lum stirred on his shoulder, then found a comfortable spot and leaned into him. "Man, I think this needs to stop. If she's too tired to give me trouble then it means I really do have a problem. I'm too tired to even enjoy her being quiet, so what's the point?"

"Hi, Ataru!" Ten said happily as he floated on in. For some reason the little Oni was full of life and energy. "What'cha reading?"

"What's with you?" Ataru asked, squinting his bagged eyes. "Why're you so alert and cheerful?"

"Cause I'm so little" Ten answered. "I don't need all the sleep you an Lum do all at once. I can get a full night's worth of sleep in a couple of naps!"

"That's a good idea!" Ataru noted. "Maybe I can do that too. I don't think Tobimaro will be up for a bit anyway."

"He's still going at it with the baseball, eh?" Ten asked. "Man, really. He ought to just give up, right Ataru?" Ten turned and saw Ataru's head hanging back far with drool coming out of the side of his wide open mouth. He was out and snoring loudly, totally disregarding Lum that was right on him. Ten huffed and started floating away. "Moron" he said as he left the room. While he slept Ataru dreamed of something he very often dreamed of.

"_YAHOO!!!" Ataru shouted with glee. He was sitting at a huge, elegant seat at the top of a set of stairs in his elaborate, precious harem full of exotic beauties. At his immediate sides were a girl wearing a veil holding a tray of fine wine and resting on his shoulder was Lum. "I love this place!"_

"_Drink?" the drink girl asked in a cute, dainty voice. Ataru grabbed the neck of a glass and kissed the imaginary neck of Lum as he did, kicking his feet up. He turned over to the girl and gave her a nice perverse look through the bottom of his quickly-emptied glass. Her face was blurred and distorted by the glass, but it seemed familiar. Then he lowered the glass and saw that those stars in her eyes weren't part of his own drunken imagination._

"_Well, hey" Ataru lecherously said, Lum clinging to his arm as he moved closer. "I didn't think you'd show up! Where have you been?"_

"_Oh" Asuka said shyly, "I was afraid...I didn't want to come...but I had to. I just couldn't stay away."_

"_HEHEHE!!!" Ataru laughed loudly. "I know, I know! It's always hard to stay away! Come here, cutie!" He reeled her in close with his arm and prepared to kiss her, but her presence unlocked a memory he had hidden for the last hour or so. He started stuttering in fear in his dreamworld..._

...and then woke up with a shivering spine and curling fingers in the real world. _OH CRAP! I totally forgot that Asuka is coming here soon!!!_ Now was the crunch time for him. He had to somehow prepare for the berserk girl's arrival, but first he had to shake his better half. He carefully kept Lum's head and her arms in position with his hands and shuffled out from under her. She didn't drift down to the floor, but instead her Oni instincts of power came to and she started to float up.

"Well that's convenient" Ataru noted. He went crawling away to secure Tobimaro, leaving Lum to dream her own dreams and enjoy her sleep for now. Ataru hurried downstairs and veered into Tobimaro's guest room. Just then there was a knock at the door. Ataru was stunned with fear and anticipation.

"I'll get it" Mrs. Moroboshi called.

"Good idea, ma!" Ataru replied. "Whoever it is, just stall them for a while!"

"Alright" she replied. Somehow her son's response wasn't too out of the ordinary for her. She walked from the kitchen to the door while Ataru locked down the side room and opened the front door.

"Good afternoon" a male figure greeted. It was Mendo, holding a flower in his hand and a glimmer in his smile. "You look lovely today, ma'am."

"What did he do now?" Mrs. Moroboshi asked.

"Oh, it's not like that at all" Mendo said with a sly chuckle. "I am merely here because I have heard that my friend Tobimaro Mizunokoji has been staying for the past couple of days and I wanted to visit him."

"What's the flower for?" she asked. Mendo looked down at what may or may not have been an elaborate trap of some kind and threw it away with an embarrassed smile.

"Oh, nothing at all" he said with a nervous, laugh. "May I come in?"

"You may as well" she replied. "Ataru is up to something though, so try not to destroy anything if you have to attack him or whatever it is you do."

"Any damage incurred" Mendo reassured "will be fully compensated." She nodded and made way for the sophisticated young man. "Forgive my intrusion" he said as he removed his leather shoes. Once totally inside the house he concentrated on his inner feelings.

_I can feel his evil_ Mendo noted as the strong physical pull tugged at him from the side. _He is near...very near. I know it...but where could he be?_Mendo noticed the room to his right and made his way into it. There was no one in there at the present but with a large table and several cushions spread out it looked like a meal would be taking place soon. _Where...is Moroboshi?_ Mendo asked himself, hand tight around his sword handle.

* * *

Asuka had broken out into a sweat and a sprint. She panted as she ran through the streets and the alleys to hide in all the while making her way to Moroboshi's abode. She was being followed, she felt, by a man. She looked behind her, scanning the skyline, and for a brief moment thought she caught sight of her chaser. She increased the desperate intensity of her run until she found herself in a wide open street. Exhaustion and fear overcame her and she fell in defeat to her knees in a womanly fashion.

"Oh, it's hopeless" she lamented. "With a man chasing me, what could I possibly do? He would surely catch up to me and...and..." and then do whatever it was that men did. Asuka still wasn't sure what that was but she also never wanted to find out. "I'll never rescue my Big Brother now..."

"Moroboshi, submit!!!" a feint but familiar voice roared through the air. Asuka looked over and saw, serendipitously, Moroboshi's house. She made it!

"What are you talking about?" the other, much more fearful voice responded. She recognized that instantly as Ataru Moroboshi, her greatest fear.

"Of course" Asuka told herself. "There is still one more peril for me to overcome...but...it's too scary! I don't think I can bare it!"

"Both of you, QUIET!!!" the angry voice of Lum screamed. She went on talking, her speech muted by the distance and the wall of shrubs in the yard. Asuka started crawling in with high arms and shuffling knees to get closer and listen for a good chance to move. She moved into the brush, pushing it apart with her face, and peered through the bushes just in time to get a faceful of electrified Ataru! The explosive rage of Lum had propelled both Mendo and Ataru from the yard, though Mendo ended up on someone else's roof. Ataru was lying on top of Asuka, who was jarred and stunned form the shock, right in the middle of the street. A cranky Lum circled over the bushes with a snarl and looked down at the perverted accident on the ground.

"Ow..." Tobimaro groaned, stepping through the hole Ataru made in the bushes. "I feel like I've been hit by lightning. Huh?" He looked over and saw, partly to his immense horror, his little sister with Ataru unconscious on top of her. Then, adding to his sense of fear, Ataru started to stir before her and pushed himself up. "GAH!" Tobimaro shouted.

"Grr..." Ataru growled. "It wasn't my fault, dammit! Why don't you hover over someone who-eh?" Ataru noticed just where he was, and smothered the crawling feeling of fear with his own perverted excitement.

"Get off her!" Tobimaro shouted as he kicked him into the stars.

"Thank you" Lum said dizzily. "Does she look okay?"

"No" Tobimaro said. "In fact, she looks terrible. Her eyes look sore and her fingers are all red from constant wringing. She must have had a terrible time to come all this way on her own."

"If you want" Lum offered "she can stay here until she wakes up."

"No" Tobimaro began dramatically. He took his sister in his arms and stood up heroically. "I have neglected my family for too long. These past few days have been god-sent and well worth the pay, and the practice has been invaluable to me. However, my family is truly more important, especially my little sister. She is still too confused about the world, and I need to take up the responsibility of undoing an entire life worth of corrupted influence.

"How nice of you" Lum cooed. "now, today's pay?"

"Oh, it's in my pocket" he mentioned. Lum fished around in his robes while Ataru returned leaning on a stick he got from the forest he landed in. Lum was waving goodbye while Tobimaro departed into the distance with his little sister quietly in his arms.

"Glad that's over" Ataru said.

"Me too" Lum said, looking at he wad of cash. She stuffed it magically into her top and the grabbed her darling's arm. "Let's go to bed...and not wake up for a loooong time."

"Great idea" Ataru said. They walked into the house together, Ataru limping on his cane. Tobimaro continued walking down the street, quickly becoming lost, while Asuka slowly stirred from her shocked slumber. When she came to she saw her beloved Big Brother's face looking about and became overwhelmed with joy.

"I DID IT!" Asuka cheered, jumping out of his arms and embracing him in a rib-shattering death grip. "I saved him! I don't know how, but I saved you, Big Brother! I'm sorry I took so long!"

"GUAGH!" Tobimaro shouted. With and impacted chest, he couldn't say much else...and so the silly suffering of a terrified young girl comes to an end. As does the longest period of good health Tobimaro had since he met his sister...


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

A Trip Through Time! Lum's Childhood Revisited!

* * *

"Come on Shinobu" Inaba begged. "It looks great on you!" His response was a firm, painful door in the face. Shinobu, fed up with Inaba's inter-dimensional hijinks and general oddness, forced her boyfriend out into the streets where he so graciously claimed to live. He held in his dejected hands a slimming black bunny-girl suit complete with ears. He sighed in defeat and tucked the suit for his girlfriend into his own hammer-space tuxedo and proceeded into the streets for the night.

"I thought she'd like it" Inaba said. "And when she wore it back when we met it looked great on her. I wonder if Ataru really knows women as well as he says he does..." While Inaba contemplated his friend's compitence, that very same pervert came screeching around the corner in a yellow and orange sweater and jeans with a stern look on his face and a fresh smoldering stream of smoke coming from him.

"Inaba!" Ataru called. Inaba turned toward the rushing boy with a start. Ataru started sprinting with red veins popping into his eyes and his lower lip clinching over the upper one. He grabbed Inaba on his way past and narrowly dodged a huge blast of lightning from the distant dark sky. Lum was up piloting her UFO, chasing after her Darling with fangs bared.

"How dare you, Darling!" she growled. "You've made a fool of me for the last time! I'm going to blast you into sub-space, and then you can find your own way back!!!" Lum was sitting behind the piloting console of her craft in her normal tiger-skin garb, but this time she wore a different top of lacy pink. Minutes earlier, Ataru gave the bra (which was actually some other girl's and didn't fit well) to Lum as a gift. Lum was too happy to be skeptical and received the gift with a gracious glee.

_"Oh Darling!" she exclaimed, holding it to her breasts. "How thoughtful! I love it!"_

_"Why don't you try it on?" Ataru asked slyly._

_"I will!" Lum cheered. She untied her on bra, not seeing Ataru's scheming grin, and held her new one up while setting the other aside. Ataru glanced over at her tiger-skin bikini top, always full of strange alien devices through some sort of amazing manipulation of time-space and made a grab for it. Lum snapped her bra on and hopped up to show it off with a cute smile and an even cuter pose._

_"How is it?" she asked. Ataru held both his hands behind his back and tensed up suddenly._

_"It" he began in a low, serious tone, "looks lovely. In fact, it's almost a shame that you'll have to wear a shirt over it from now on...such a shame..."_

_"It feels a bit big" Lum said. She bounced a few times on her toes and watched the reaction her breasts gave while Ataru inched himself to the balcony window. "Darling, what size is this?" Ataru was half-way out the window with her bra visibly in hand. The jig was most certainly up, but Lum looked more confused than angry at the moment. Ataru used that to his advantage and, very suddenly, pointed dramatically to the ceiling!_

_"Darling" Lum started with great annoyance in her voice, "why are you stealing my bra?" Ataru just held his pose and kept pointing. A lesser man who knew that tone would have backed down, but Ataru is no mere man! He is a godly pervert! "Darling!" Lum shouted. Somehow, his plan worked, and Lum found herself curious to look at where he pointed. Ataru dove out of the window and rolled as he hit the grass. He then started sprinting away with the bra full of alien technology gripped firmly in hand. Lum looked back finally and realized what had happened..._

So she gave chase.

"How dare you!?" she exclaimed angrily, aiming and firing another shot that Ataru leaped over. "You're going to try and use my tools to get girls, aren't you!? I knew I couldn't trust you, and I knew this bra wasn't meant for me! It's a size too big!!!" Lum ripped the bra to shreds with her claws and threw them over her head. The shameless alien continued ragefully piloting her ship after her nefarious husband.

Ataru, meanwhile, had taken the smart route and used Inaba as a resource. Lum lost sight of Ataru who had slipped into the Rabbit-Hole, the dimension of predetermined destinies. Inaba was panting in the half-open doorway of some alternate-reality blackness while holding Ataru from falling into an infinity of sub-space doorways. Ataru was happily combing through all the awesome gadgets in Lum's bra.

"What do you think this does?" Ataru asked, holding some bizarre little box with a rotating antennae and beeping light.

"I can't hold onto you forever!" Inaba said.

"I know" Ataru said calmly, "but first tell me what this does."

"GAAAHHH!!!" Inaba shouted. His grip finally gave way and Ataru fell. Inaba dove after him and grabbed onto his shoulders panting.

"Lift me back up!" Ataru demanded.

"Too tired" Inaba said gravely. "You...you should jog more."

"SHUT UP!" Ataru roared. "Just get me back up there so we don't fall!"

"Grab a door" Inaba said weakly "and pull us in. At least that way...we won't be falling." Ataru panicked and grabbed onto a random door with Lum's bra wrapped around his neck. His arm jerked as he stopped suddenly, though with his inter-dimensional boxers on Inaba was weightless in this place. Ataru pulled himself up, turned the knob, and opened the door outward. Then he stepped in with panic on his face and plopped to the ground of green-blue grass.

"Ow" Ataru groaned. He kept the strange device from before away from the crushing force of his and Inaba's bodies, saving what may be the choice device for his girl-hunting from destruction. "Get off!" Ataru demanded. Inaba rolled off and got up panting. Ataru panted as well, the bra now on his head, and looked around. He was startled by what he saw. An entirely alien landscape that seemed eerily familiar to him with tall bushes of wildflowers and rolling fields of lavender and gold. Another ringed planet was in the distant starry sky, and thin ethereal clouds of blue and green floated across a sky of deep purple that faded off into a glowing yellow near the horizon.

"Where are we?" Ataru asked.

"The past somewhere" Inaba said, straightening his back out.

"How do you know?" Ataru asked. Inaba pointed up, and Ataru followed his finger into a dense field of stars visible in the daylight sky.

"That cluster" Inaba explained "is known as the Crawling Dog Nebula. It's named after an old galactic explorer named Odysseus who took a huge dog named Argos with him everywhere he went."

"Isn't that the Odyssey?" Ataru asked.

"Judging by the current formation," Inaba intellectually began, "we're approximately eleven years in the past, but thankfully we're still in our own universe."

"Really?" Ataru asked.

"Yes" Inaba answered. "Obviously we're on an alien planet."

"Really?" Ataru growled sarcastically. He noticed the device in his hand was moving, the antennae readjusting itself and pointing off in a direction and the green beeping turning to a steady green glow. Electricity started crackling off the top of the metal rod. Ataru looked off in the distance and saw only the wide rolling plains of this strange alien world. Something told him he knew where he was. "Hey...I think I know where we are."

"That's great!" Inaba said. "I can get both of us home in no time if I can just figure out where the biggest spacial distortion is. What planet is it?"

"I think" Ataru said, gazing hypnotically at the device as its beeping became a single, cheerful ding, "we're on Lum's home planet..."

* * *

After hours of walking, Ataru found what he knew was there before he ever suspected it. Lum's childhood home, a tall and wide tiger-stripped UFO with many windows and what looked like armed weapons on its sides. A small child with long, lime-green hair was running around just outside the front entrance of the home. Ataru recognized her instantly and gasped long and gapingly at her.

"That's Lum!" Ataru wheezed. "That's Lum as a child!" His second observation was more clear and awing than the first. Inaba thoughtfully cupped his chin and nodded.

"I believe" Inaba began "we can make a sort of artificial wormhole in this situation."

"How so?" Ataru asked. Inaba took the bra from Ataru's pocket (where it was stored up til now) and examined it. "Hey, don't you have any shame! That's Lum's, you pervert!"

"Exactly" Inaba said. "If young Lum comes into contact with the clothing of her older self, the fabric of space and time will bend just enough for me to make a door leading back to our present!"

"...Can you explain that" Ataru asked "without sounding crazy?"

"This bra" Inaba began "contains the energy and physical memory of the Lum from our present. It is essentially a lesser extension of her own body, specifically her bosom. If the Lum we see now, the Lum of the past, delivers her own physical memory to the bra by simply touching it, the clashing of two similar forces from different time periods will cause an anomaly in the universe. Through that anomaly we can easily form a tunnel that branches this time with our own and travel back to the future!"

"Woah woah woah!" Ataru insisted. "First off, there's no room for crossover-references in this story. Let's keep them simple and general, like earlier." Inaba just looked up and away. "Second, why can't you take us back to the present right now?"

"No gateways" Inaba said with a shrug. "I can't just make a door or tunnel through sub-space appear out of nowhere, although that is what it may seem like. I need a spacial distortion or opening in the fabric of time-space somewhere in order to make a sufficient tunnel. Also, you can't fly through the normal version of sub-space, so just taking you there to search for random doors wouldn't work bcause you couldn't follow me."

"Oh" Ataru said. He thought for a second and came up with a third complaint. "Alright then, how can we make this work without causing our own paradox? If I meet Lum here in the past, then her memory of me will alter in the present...right?

"Hmmm..." Inaba hummed in thought. "Yes, that may be a problem. I'd better do it. The worst that will happen is that I fade from existence temporarily and return in a bout a half a year."

"What!?" Ataru exclaimed. "You're willing to do that just so I can get home?"

"Oh right" Inaba flatly said, planting his palm on his face. "If I fade from reality, I can't open the door for you!" Ataru fell down to the ground with a crash. "I guess you'll just have to get her to touch the bra in as discrete a way as possible." Ataru got back up, sat with his legs crossed and hands on his feet, then started to think. His amazingly perverted mind came up with a myriad of different situations that would end in a little girl touching a bra designed for a much older girl to wear, but nothing striking and sure-fire was hitting him.

"It's no good" Ataru said. "I don't think I can think of anything."

"Then allow me to try" Inaba said, grabbing firm hold of the now mystical item "while you formulate your own plans." Ataru nodded in agreement. Inaba sped off down the long hill and hid in the brush, shooing away the strange little critters that were nesting in the bush before him. _I'll just attach a string to the bra_ Inaba planned _and throw it out there. She's at such a curious age, she'll have to touch the bra. Then when the space-time warp begins happening I'll reel the bra back in, call Ataru and open the door all from behind this bush! By the time she comes around to check what's going on, we'll have slipped through sub-space and be back home!_

Though his plan was thorough and very well articulated, he noticed that he was missing one very important item: string. He tilted his head sadly when he realized that and felt defeated for a moment. Then he raised his head up in determination and watched the young Lum frolic. She was adorably terrorizing a small bullfrog-like alien with horns by running around growling at it with her arms up.

"RAWR!" she growled in her innocent little six-year-old voice. The creature just squinted and hopped away, humoring the foolish young Oni as she player her silly game. "GRR! Run, you! I'll zap you! RAWR!"

_She's adorable!_ Inaba thought with a perfectly straight, serious face. _I wonder, why would Ataru go to such lengths to avoid and deceive her if she used to be this innocent? I know for a fact that Ataru has never been an innocent child, even though Lum had once attempted to correct his behavior with electroshock therapy._

"So" Ataru whispered, startling Inaba from his relaxed pose, "got any bright ideas?"

"You scared me!" Inaba said, holding his chest and panting. "I have an idea, bu I don't have any string or rope!"

"You were going to use the bra" Ataru began "like a fishing lure to get her to touch it and then just reel it back in? That's all you could think of?"

_He's a genius!!!_ Inaba exclaimed. "It's just a simple plan, a base if anything. What's your plan?"

"LUUUUUMMM!!!!!" the beastly voice of Lum's father roared. He was sticking his fanged head out the doorway and shouting for his daughter. Lum look up and floated slowly up, kicking her legs and flapping her arms in such tiny, cute motions to help her fly.

"Hi, daddy!" the young Lum greeted with a coo.

"There you are" her father said with relief. "Your mother was getting a bit worried. Come inside, it's time for supper."

"Okay" Lum agreed. Just before she fully entered her house she turned in the air and waved goodbye to the frog-thing as it jumped away apathetically. The door slid shut like all science-fiction doors do and left Ataru and Inaba out in the darkening evening sky with that much progress already lost. Ataru and Inaba turned around and sat, Ataru in a huff with his arms crossed and Inaba in a slouch with his arms supporting his body from the ground.

"Looks like" Ataru said "we're spending the night here in the past. We'll just have to figure out how to get back to the present tomorrow." Ataru snatched the rightfully-stolen bra from Inaba and searched inside it for something that resembled an easily set-up tent or housing of some kind. He found a small, white box with two green stripes on it and started walking up the hill.

* * *

Fortunately, Ataru's instincts were correct, and now he and Inaba slept through the night in a metal insta-materialization tent made for two...unfortunately the two it was made for was Ataru and Lum, and so the boys took a long time deciding on who should sleep outside or on the ceiling. Eventually it was decided, through intense rock-scissor-paper competition, that Ataru would have to brave the elements while Inaba used his space and shelter to contemplate bearing and power distribution using para-dimensional algebra formulas so he could tunnel straight back home once they found the paradox energy.

Now that he was outside, Ataru began drifting off as he held Lum's bra in his hand for safekeeping. He thought, mostly, of how he could trick the younger Lum into at least touching the bra to generate whatever Inaba was talking about. Between those thoughts, though, his mind drifted off into missing the Lum he knew and wondering with a grin what she was doing in the present...

Let's find that out now!

"DAAARLIIIIING!!!!" Lum roared through the empty, sleeping Tomobiki streets. One random civilian rose from his bed and stormed down his home's steps and threw open the door with his wife close behind him.

"What's all that racket out there!?" the man demanded.

"Why would someone keep people up like that?" his wife asked. They both looked out into the street and saw a strange young woman standing in the night air. It was Lum, wearing a thick tiger-skin cape on her back with the arms wrapped around her breasts and the head up on her face like a hood. She held a massive gun resembling a .50-caliber rifle with several glowing attachments meant to fire full-strength lightning. She wore thick alien shades that covered her eyes entirely, giving her a very strange and menacing appearance.

Lum turned to the couple, who were now quaking in their slippers, and turned to them. "Have you seen Ataru Moroboshi?" she asked sweetly.

"Who?" the husband asked.

"That troublemaker" the wife said. "You know, the one who hounded after Reiko the other day?"

"Oh him?" the husband asked again. "Um, not recently, no."

"Then get back inside!" Lum shouted, pointing her gun at them with one hand. "I don't need to shoot around innocent people when I find him! The couple ran back inside and locked their doors while Lum hovered on down the street, her tiger-skin cape blowing behind her. "Darling! Come out! I won't kill you, I'll just hospitalize you!" Her arguments weren't the most persuasive...especially for a man trapped eleven years in the past!


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Paradox! Ataru and Inaba, Back to the Present!

* * *

One he woke up Ataru stretched his stiff back and rolled his cramped shoulders. Sleeping outside made him reflect on just how comfortable his own room was, with or without the constant menagerie of alien life. He sighed as he watched the sun rising up from the pink horizon and shaded his eyes with a steady hand.

"Somehow" Ataru said to himself, "I feel like today is a lucky day!"

"Not by my calculations" Inaba said. He got out of the tent in a new, cleanly pressed white tuxedo with a rabbit-shaped pin on his bow-tie. "In fact, should you be alive, this is an incredible _un_lucky day for you. The stars say it all."

"Ah, what do they know?" Ataru asked.

"Hey you two!" a random Oni shouted. He was running up the hill, his pouting jaw full of fangs and his hair full of grease, waving a baton. He wore shades. "You're trespassing on the Warlord's private property! Get out of here or else!"

"Or else what?" Ataru asked.

"Let's hide Ataru" Inaba pleaded. Ataru reached inside his shirt and pulled out a blaster of some kind. Hoping it was the kind of gun he was looking for, he fired and thankfully he stunned the Oni in time-space.

"Yes!" Ataru cheered, looking at the gun. "Thank god! I thought for a second that I killed a man!"

"That's a sub-space transmission gun" Inaba pointed out.

"So?" Ataru asked. Inaba pointed to where the guard was. Now a patch of unrealistic purple flowers that whistled and sang were in his place. The guard found himself somewhere in the deep forests of sub-space, only his upper torso and face sticking above the ground in a field of Song Violets. Ataru's mouth was agape with an oddly mixed pleasure and horror. The day wasn't going very well so far, and according to Inaba it could only get worse...

"Have fun, Lum!" Lum's father called. "Don't stay out past your bedtime!" From the front door of the alien craft a tiny childish Lum floated out and landed in the grass. She began running and giggling down a cleanly cut path of grass, off to her nearby neighbor's house to play. As she ran and chased the alien horned butterflies, Ataru and Inaba observed from the side of hill.

"Target sighted" Ataru said. He clacked the binoculars together and handed them off to Inaba. Both of them were covered in grass and flowers and Ataru even wore a horned rabbit-turtle...creature on his head to fully complete the illusion.

"How can you sit there" Inaba began "and not think that she's just completely adorable at this age?"

"I'm tired of her" Ataru said "regardless of her age or form. If she turned into a completely different girl then, yeah, I'd think she were lots of things. Now, down to business." Ataru sat up with his legs crossed and took out the bra. "We need to set up a trap to get her to touch this. Now, I've got some ideas, but we need to do a test first."

"How?" Inaba asked. Moments later, as Lum stopped to stare down a little horned frog, a strange figure came awkwardly shuffling out of the brush. It was wearing a trench coat and had an enormously extended posterior that seemed to move separately from the main body. There was a horned rabbit-turtle sleeping on the creature's head, but it wore sunglasses and a white contagion mask to conceal its face. The creature cleared its throat, scaring away the frog and catching the little Oni girl's attention.

"Who're you?" little Lum asked.

"Just a person" Ataru responded in a masked voice. He took the bra out from inside the trench coat and held it out. "Here. Touch this quick."

"No thanks!" Lum cheerfully declined. She went skipping away while Ataru waved her good-bye with his free hand. Once out of sight, Ataru grabbed his maskings and revealed his angrily defeated face.

"Damn!" Ataru cursed. "She's just as clever now as she is _now!_" Inaba removed himself from the rear of the coat and straightened his bow-tie.

"How was that supposed to work?" Inaba asked in a partial daze.

"She won't just touch it for no reason" Ataru said. "We know that. However, she is very easily distracted. Particularly by frogs."

"Auuwauu!" the strange, strange creature on Ataru's head called. He picked it up and set it on the ground, where it hopped away slowly.

"So what should we do now?" Inaba asked.

"We can't approach her" Ataru said "as ourselves. That'll compromise...something, I bet. My idea is to casually drop it in disguise and see if she picks it up for us!"

"That's brilliant!" Inaba said. "I will volunteer to disguise myself!"

"Great!" Ataru exclaimed. "Honestly, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to find a good disguise out in the middle of alien nowhere, but I'm sure you can do it!"

"Oh" Inaba flatly said. "Um...thanks."

* * *

After a swift trip into sub-space to pick some flowers and large, silky leaves to make the bulk of his dress. Ataru followed the childish, gleeful Lum as she skipped merrily onward to, who else, Ran's house. She sang in her Oni tongue the whole way, making short bursts of untrained flight, and then settling back down to her little feet. Finally, Inaba was out of sub-space and dressed in the strangest, weirdest choice of a disguise Ataru could have imagined.

"What are you doing..." Ataru whispered. Inaba had fashioned the silken leaves into a one-piece swimsuit-style of dress with flowery boots and a headdress made of snake-like vines of ivy. He wore the same shades that Ataru used before to complete his disguise and carried the bra in a loose little satchel. As he came up to Lum he let his arm swing and the bra fell down onto the road, directly in front of Lum. The little Oni slowed down to look at it. Ataru's eyes nearly bulged from his head in anticipation.

"Hey weird guy!" Lum called, forcing Inaba to vault his face to the ground. "You dropped your bra back here!" With his cover basically broken, Inaba spoke in his regular, male voice and looked over from where his arms stopped his face from smearing more dirt.

"Well, can you pick it up for me?" Inaba innocently asked.

"Okay" Lum said. Victory was in sight!

"CRAW!!!" crowed a strange black bird.

"KYA!" Lum shouted in fear. She ducked down into the bushes as a crow twice her size came down and inspected the bra. Lum was already long gone...as were Ataru and Inaba. The crow pecked around at the bra, accidentally letting the sub-space transmission gun fall out onto the ground. It fired, enveloped the crow in a strange, pulsating light, and then it was warped into sub-space where a tremendous pigeon quickly swooped down and ate it in one gulp.

An ironic end to an idiotic plan.

After several minutes of running around, Ataru and Inaba met back up and grabbed the bra as they ran down the length of the path, just catching sight of Lum standing at Ran's doorway. The door slid open at last, and the tiny red-headed alien child peered around the corner of the door with an innocent, sheepish smile.

"Sorry I'm late!" Lum called as Ran answered the door. "A non-horned super-crow tried to eat me and some weird cross-dresser!"

"Were they alright?" the timid, still sane and passive Ran asked.

"I don't know" Lum admitted with a childish grin on her face.

"Well then why are you so upbeat?" Ran asked. "That man could be dead for all you know!"

"No" Lum said. "I'm pretty sure I heard him screaming after I flew away. He's probably fine!" Lum waved the matter off as unimportant. She entered and the door closed behind her. Ataru clutched the bra tight in his fist while Inaba straightened the pin of his bow-tie once again, having redressed himself once the crow was gone.

"We've got to get in there" Ataru said.

"Why?" Inaba asked. "What can we do in there, exactly?"

"If that's someone's house" Ataru said, ignoring that it was really Ran's house and looked almost exactly like it, "then they must have a fridge! We can put this in the fridge, she'll touch it out of curiosity, and we'll have our wormhole!"

"If it's a house it has a fridge" Inaba said. Ataru nodded and looked prosperously back at the house he was about to invade. "So then, if it has a fridge is it a house? Would a random sector of subspace with a talking refrigerator be considered an extension of home?"

"Um" Ataru hummed in thought, "no, because it doesn't have a bathroom or television."

"Ah" Inaba said, pounding fist into hand. "Your logic is utterly flawless!" Ataru got up out of the brush and made a mad dash for the front door. He wouldn't use it, of course, but it was the nearest place he could get to without being spotted from the road and seeming suspicious. Inaba followed closely behind and stayed at the bottom of the enclosed stairs. Ataru leaned his ear against the door, only to hear metallic clicks and beeps.

"It's mechanical" Ataru said.

"It's a spaceship" Inaba added. Ataru ran down the steps and glanced around. He ran around the left side of the wide land-fixed saucer while Inaba kept himself nearby. Ataru pointed up to a window with a nod, and Inaba saluted in comply. He lifted Ataru up above his head and set him on his shoulders. Ataru peered in, just barely able to see above the windowsill, and saw Lum having a tea party with two strange creatures and one other little girl with burgundy-red hair.

"Is that Ran?" Ataru asked. "Ran's an alien!?!?!?"

"Don't shout!" Inaba warned as he wavered.

"That's weird" Ataru said, still looking and keeping his deteriorating balance. "Somehow, I'm not very surprised." Inaba and Ataru both fell hard onto the ground. While there, Ataru looked up and spotted an emergency hatch marked in alien script. "Hey, what's that say?" Inaba crawled out from under Ataru and looked at the symbols.

"'Kitchen waste disposal'" Inaba read. "Looks like our best bet at getting inside."

"Right" Ataru said. He took the bra and handed it carefully to Inaba. "After you."

"Um, okay" the complacent Inaba said. He opened the hatch and avoided a short rain of old food and discarded wrapping sheets. He looked up into the hole and saw the narrow chute that was the trashcan this waste had come from. He looked back at Ataru before ascending, receiving an encouraging two thumbs-up, and he started climbing. Ataru, meanwhile, ran out from under the craft and searched for an alternate, safe entrance.

"While they're busy with Inaba" Ataru plotted "I'll sneak in somewhere else and wait it out. Inaba will find his own way in, probably, and then I'll get him to pass the bra to me so I can plant it myself." Ataru finally found a cracked window and jumped the several feet off the ground to get himself a solid grip. He pulled himself up to see through the window and watched as Ran's sexy mother slipped a racing suit over her naked back. Ataru became totally hypnotized, and therefore useless to the plans he had already gone through so much to conceive.

* * *

Thankfully Inaba made it up into the kitchen without suffering a single physical altercation. He popped out of the trash can and wriggled his way out onto the floor, disposing of a discarded fruit peel that was on his head.

"Now then" Inaba whispered. He took the bra, spotless for the preservation of its chronological data, and found the fridge. He opened it to stock it with the tiger-skinned ticket back to the present, but was overcome by an alien rainbow of extravagant colors and shapes and wondrous scents. His nose twitched much like a rabbits as he smelled the gourmet delicacies that Ran's expert family had stocked their fridge with.

"Ran" Ran's mother called as she exited her room with a helmet under arm. "Mommy's going out for a bit with her friends. Will you girls be alright here?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Lum happily chirped.

"I'll take care of the house" Ran promised as lady-like as she could.

"Okay girls" Ran's mother said. "I trust you! Good bye!"

"Bye bye!" Lum called.

"Have a nice time!" Ran called. The other strange alien creatures with multiple eyes and tentacled arms waved and smiled with their beaked jaws as well. "Hang on. I'm going to get us another cake from the kitchen."

"I'll come with you" Lum offered. "I'll pick us out a really, really strong-flavored cake!"

"No!" one of the other girls called. "I couldn't taste for three weeks after the last cake Lum picked!"

"Shut up!" Lum childishly demanded. "It wasn't that spicy!"

"Lum, it's okay!" Ran said, trying hard to calm to excitable girl down. "I'll get a sweet one, okay? We all like sweet things."

"Alright" Lum agreed. Ran walked into the kitchen with her hands folded neatly on her little girly dress. Inaba had safely secured himself under the kitchen cabinet after hiding away the bra, but now he feared the main plan would be ruined by the unexpected interloper.

_This isn't good!_ Inaba thought. _Chromatic data like this is fragile. If another being from this time comes into contact with it, an explosive overload of sub-space ruptures could occur! A detonation of time and space will take place! All tunnels leading out from here will cave in and Ataru Moroboshi and I will be stuck in this time period forever!!! I have to prevent her from touching that bra!_ Inaba peeked out the slim crack of the cabinet and waited for the tiny Ran to open the fridge door. When she did he began reaching out to grab her and steal her away as a preventative measure, but he was surprised to see that she ignored the bra he had left in totally plain view. Instead she grabbed a small cake, smiled at it and went off on her way with it. Inaba sighed and closed the cabinet door.

"That was close" Ataru said. Inaba banged his head hard against the inside of the counter from the sheer shock.

"W-w-w-w-when did you...?" Inaba stuttered,clutching his head.

"A bit ago" Ataru said. "We need to get Lum over here. I have an idea."

"I'm getting worried about your ideas" Inaba admitted. "They always end in pain or some kind of general bad luck!"

"You've been hanging around Cherry too much" Ataru said, exiting the cabinet warily. He looked around and then ducked into the fridge to retrieve the bra...and a cake. He stuffed the bra into his shirt, finding it shockingly cold, and began eating the cake sloppily, making a mess on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Inaba whispered as he crawled out onto the floor.

"It tastes like soap" Ataru groaned, taking a big sloppy handful. "I can't believe aliens would eat this crap." Still he stuffed his face with hand after hand of the alien cake until it was all gone except for what was on his shirt. He brushed that off and grabbed a towel to scrub off the rest, leaving the disastrous mess in the kitchen for someone to discover. "Now Lum needs to come over here and pass out, or somehow loose her memory..." Ataru took out a device that looked like a joystick detached from its base with a small flashing screen and several buttons on it. "Does this look right?"

"Yes" Inaba said. "I recognize that from an alternate reality. It pauses a person's mind until used again."

"That's perfect!" Ataru exclaimed quietly. "We just need Lum to-"

"I hope you don't mind Ran" Lum called "but I'm going to look in your fridge!"

"Don't make a mess!" Ran called. Ataru smirked and hid up on the counter, waiting for Lum to come around the corner. Inaba went back into hiding and tried to use his feeble, rabbit brain to piece together how Ataru's plan would work. Once Lum was in sight but not seeing the mess of cake Ataru threw the bra down right at her feet. She looked down at it curiously, wondering what it was doing here, wondering how it had gotten there or where it came from, and then she reached down to pick it up.

"No" Lum said. "I shouldn't touch it. It's probably Ran's mom's or something." Inaba sighed with defeat and started to sulk, but he saw that Ataru was still confidently smiling.

_No_ Inaba thought. _Even if he is a scheming genius, he couldn't have planned it all out that well!!!_ But he is and he did! Lum looked over at last and saw the mess. Her mouth went wide, showing all her tiny fangs, as she gasped and groaned in horror.

"Oh no!" she quietly squealed. "Ran's gonna kill me! She'll think I did it! I have to clean it up!" Lum looked aorund for some kind of cleaning implement but found none. One was on the floor but she suspected that it was already dirty since it was crumbled up and dripping wet. Lum looked behind her and saw the bra. It was the only thing around that could possibly be used to clean the mess up, whether it be clothing or not, and she didn't want to get blamed for the mess. "I'll just throw it away" Lum said "when I'm done using it! Yeah!" Lum ran over and picked it up.

Victory!!! Ataru aimed his device at Lum and paused her mind. Inaba crawled out in a hurry and grabbed the bra. It was glowing in a dark purple light that resonated with some strange rupture of space-time, difinately what Inaba was looking for.

"Yes!" Ataru cheered in a whisper. "Now what?"

"We need to get outside" Inaba said "for me to use it correctly."

"Of course we do" Ataru sighed. "Down the chute, I guess." Inaba nodded and climbed back down the garbage chute. Just as Ataru was leaving he looked back and was overcome with a strange feeling of regret. He felt bad for making the little Lum take the brunt blame of his own mess, so he did the unthinkable.

_For me doing this_ Ataru thought as he cleaned the mess with his own sweatshirt, _you'd better let me off easy in the future for stealing your bra._ He cleaned the whole mess, edge to edge, and left through the chute, flashing Lum's memory back to normal as he slid away with the device. Lum snapped out of her delusion with no bra in hand and no mess in sight. She blinked a few times and looked around.

"What happened?" she cooed.

* * *

"Stand back!" Inaba announced. He and Ataru had gone into a clear field so the ritual Inaba would perform would be easier. The fluctuation of time-space was getting more and more fierce as the seconds passed. Inaba pressed his hands together and turned his side away from the rippling air. Ataru just stood back in his undershirt and watched with a dumb look on his face. Inaba started humming, somewhat in rhythm with the force he was trying to control, and slowly started moving his hand towards the pulsing air. The bra lifted itself into the air and exploded with energy that coursed out in waves of purple and blue.

"Oh!" Ataru gasped, suddenly serious.

"Hooooooooooo..." Inaba hummed. His hand was palm-down, then his wrist let out and his fingers faced down as well, drawing closer and closer to the paradoxical abnormality of time and space.

"HAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Inaba shouted. His hand contacted the air, he flipped his hand up, and he grabbed  
A DOORKNOB! The energy dispersed and the collected all into a single, unpainted wooden door.

"Aright" Inaba said, opening the door into a long hallway of paneled wood, "let's go home!"

"That was anti-climactic" Ataru said. "But yeah, home sounds good right now."

"I rather enjoyed this little outing" Inaba admitted. "It's not every day you get to manipulate the fabric of reality with a piece of lingerie. By the way, here it is." After fishing in his pocket, Inaba handed Ataru the frayed and deteriorated bra. It looked like it was going to fall apart. Still, Ataru was somewhat happy to see it. "I hope she isn't too mad still."

"She's had a day to calm down" Ataru said. "Everything will be fine when we get back."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the present, the sky was black with artificial storm clouds and lighting struck at every street corner and every trash can. Incalculable damage was spread so wide and far from Lum's search efforts that all peace in Tomobiki had become a thing of folk legend nearly overnight. The terrible queen of this menacing campaign stood proudly and fiercely on the edge of her low-flying UFO, her chest still barely covered by the paws of her tiger-skin blanket.

"This has gone too far, Darling" she lowed. "Once I find you, I'm going to make sure you _pay_ for my humiliation..." Even though she had basically taken over and fearfully oppressed every single inhabitant of this particular ward in Japan, the fact that she had to do it all topless was embarrassing for her and made a significant hit in her pride as a woman.

"I still say it made you look cool" Benten said behind her best friend. Lum snarled loudly at her, prompting an apologetic hand waving, then went back to glaring at the sky. Yes...all in all, everything was relatively normal for the little city of Tomobiki...the nexus of all of the universe's oddities.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Ataru Against the Invasion! Is the Universe Really that Simple!?

* * *

Ataru and Inaba stood with their mouths wide open. The time-space door slammed shut behind them and faded off into nothingness. The sky let in no light but the dim gray flashes of lightning that passed through the thick clouds. The streets were scorched with the blasted heat of umpteen lightning strikes, the houses were all locked air-tight out of fear, and a menacing craft hovered just above the treeline of the distant hill-side shrine. A newspaper blew close to the duo who stood brain-dead under the black sky. A bolt of lighting that struck the sudden-moving paper woke them up and prompted them to take immediate cover behind a mailbox.

"What the hell happened!?" Ataru demanded.

"Everything looks normal to me" Inaba said flatly. "What do you think has changed?" Ataru gave him a stern slap to the back of the head and leaned out to check the streets.

"Looks like Lum is holding up way over there" he said, pointing to her ship. "We need to get somewhere safe."

"Safe how?" Inaba asked. "Perhaps the school would be safe enough?"

"What makes you think that?" Ataru asked. "That crappy building is destroyed bi-monthly."

"Exactly" Inaba said. "It is a gathering place of misfortune. I can willingly manipulate the boundaries of space inside the school, namely making dimensional rifts to further away places using some of the already unstable locker doors and windows!"

"A lot of freaky stuff does happen in my room" Ataru said. "Alright. The school is about three blocks that way." Ataru pointed down a long and narrow street lined with houses. Somehow the half-block run seemed much longer and much more deadly than it otherwise should. No people or cars or bicycles made Tomobiki's streets nearly ten times wider in this light.

"Well" Inaba said with a nervous chuckle, "shall we get going?"

"Oh, after you" Ataru insisted politely. The two made their cautious way down the road, clinging close to the walls of the buildings, flinching at every distant rumble they heard. "Here's a thought" Ataru suddenly began. "What if I go the other way, towards Lum, and give myself up? The worst that'll happen to me is a severe shocking, and I think my resistance to electricity has built up nearly to the point of being rubber. Then we can go about fixing this whole mess."

"I would advise against it" Inaba said sternly. "I think I'm finally understanding the predicament we're in. I'll explain as we run."

"Why?" Ataru asked. Inaba went jump-running across the street, his rabbit instincts still making him want to go jumping and hopping about. "Why not just tell me now!?" Ataru ran after him in his usual, escapist gait. The two were spotted soon after by the clouds and bright streaks of lightning cracked through the air, hitting just behind them in rapid succession. Ataru jumped forward quickly at every explosive shock. Inaba let himself glide when the ground shook and took on a wholly terryfied face.

"So tell me" Ataru said between frantic panting, "just what's going on? Why is there no easy way out!?"

"That will take time to find" Inaba said. "It's not like there aren't shortcuts in destiny."

"Ah, that's right" Ataru said casually before an explosive blast of lightning blew them both off their feet. "Haahhhh" Ataru sighed, breathing out a grateful breath of air. "Inaba, you alright?"

"If I lie perfectly still" he told himself in a codling voice "then they can't see me. Yes...they can't see me."

"Oh great" Ataru said. "You've snapped. Can you at least be crazy while we run?"

"Sure" Inaba said. They resumed running and finally made it to the gate of the school. The sky rumbled over them, threatening them with more divine judgment without delivering the true pain.

"Why is it locked!?" Ataru demanded, shaking the gate with all his might. "Why would they lock the gate, no, leave it closed even in such circumstances!?"

"Ataru" Inaba called.

"What?" Ataru asked. "You got a key for this thing? Or a doorknob?" Ataru looked over while his arms and legs were wrapped around the metal bars of the gate, apparently in some strange wrestling style of gate-breaking. Inaba had found a large hole in the wall and was pointing his hand through it. An ambient silence, save for the rumble of clouds, followed.

"There's a hole here."

"I KNOW THAT NOW!!!" Ataru screamed.

* * *

The schools' interior was nothing like its exterior, which was all busted up and blasted with black scorch marks. The inside was perfectly fine, although dark and empty. Ataru walked casually, knowing there was nothing within to hurt him, and Inaba followed, staying close by and glancing around with slight worry.

"Anyway" Inaba began, "earlier I said that I may know just what is going on and how to fix it. Interested in listening?"

"Of course" Ataru demanded. "The sooner life can resume to normal the better."

"Has life ever really been normal" Inaba pointed out "since Lum came here?"

"Oh yeah" Ataru grumbled. He threw his hands into his pockets and became cross. "Why'd you have to bring that up."

"No, that's the reason!" Inaba said. Ataru stopped and listened to the white-tuxedo'd rabbit begin what would surely be a lengthy and confusing explanation. "Weird things always happen around you two because of you two being together. Ataru, before Lum came you had a relatively normal life, hunting girls and being generally burdenous to others." Ataru glared him down. "Well, at least, that's what I've heard, heh. However, when Lum came the structure of your everyday reality changed completely. Normal ceased to exist in Tomobiki. It wasn't even replaced or redefined. Every day has been truly unique, exceptional, and above it all strange."

"You aren't saying anything" Ataru brashly shouted "that has to do with out current situation! Tell me now! Why can't I just give Lum her top back and call it a day? EH!?"

"I'd like to know that as well!" a familiarly annoying voice called. Ataru and Inaba looked in its direction, behind Inaba, as if they were expecting some horrifying specter to jump out and scare them lifeless. From the shadows a wiggling figure emerged, and then with a skip and a slide it made itself known, a terrible face and masculine body gilded up in ridiculous armor made of trashcan parts and cooking pots. It was Mr. Fujinami, wearing a cocky wide-toothed grin as he sped into scene. "PLEASE! DON'T MIND MEEEEE!!!!"

One hammering later, Ataru and Inaba leaned against the walls while Mr. Fujinami rested his face in the broken tiles of the school. "Inaba" Ataru began, "did you heart stop?"

"Oh yeah" Inaba groaned. Several minutes later, after a forced apology and proper reintroduction, Mr. Fujinami led Ataru and Inaba to his home, the school store. Only they weren't alone in there. Ataru noticed all his classmates geared up for battle with rubber-lined armor and crudely refashioned weapons at their sides.

"What's all this about?" Ataru asked.

"We" Mr. Fuujinami began "are the Tomobiki Liberation Force, Sector 'Hamachaya', school district." After a short pause, Ataru faced one of his more familiar classmates and knelt down to the floor with him.

"What's all this about?" Ataru asked. Mr. Fujinami reeled in embarrassment.

"If I may" Inaba said, grabbing everyone's attention, "I think I can explain everything from what I've seen."

"Oh really?" one guy asked sarcastically. "Well, go right ahead, waiter!" Inaba took but a second to gather his thoughts, then he began.

"Let's all suppose" Inaba started "that the fabric of all our reality is like a quilt. Each person is a different design on that quilt, and therefore the quilt is huge, but every person has enough room around their design so that they can incorporate their own, smaller versions of other people's designs into their own. This essentially means that a person is responsible for his own plot in the universe. Ataru Moroboshi, age 17, was unfortunately stitched into a darker backdrop of that quilt than all others his age. He was born not near or adjacent to, but right on top of the nexus of all misfortune, a black-hole of cosmic bad luck and a depression in the fabric of reality! Therefore, all the space around his design constituted a light-canceling blackness. It's really, really weird to think about, but it makes sense."

The assembly nodded while Ataru just fumed. "Lum, the alien girl, was born under a star of universal love, a sign that nearly every single being would adore her for the wonder that she is. When she forced herself into Ataru's life, she didn't pull him away from where his design was sewn into reality. No! Instead, she took her plot of quilt, lovingly remodeled it, and created a tapestry that radiated light against the total darkness! Ever since then, the darkness of Moroboshi's space and the light of Lum's space have been violently clashing, creating various disturbances, rips, folds and even holes in the very fabric of all reality!"

"AH!" the students gasped. "I get it!" one said. "So, what you're saying is, um, uuhhhhh..."

"Don't make this too complicated" Ataru said in his cool voice. "I think I know where you're going with this. Because I left this reality and slipped off into another one, or at least another part of reality, I took too much of that misfortunate space with me, and now Lum's space has taken over."

"Exactly!" Inaba said, snapping his finger and pumping his arm.

"Then that would mean" Ataru continued "that direct contact with her this early would essentially screw up the fabric even more, creating holes and folds and who knows what else!"

"Bravo!" Inaba cheered, applauding with his hands over his head.

"Then the only way" Ataru continued, becoming even more serious "is to wait until my fabric can safely get sewn back together with Lum's, so at least the strange space we created will be restored safely!"

"So smart!" Inaba said aside to Fujinami, who had gotten bored and was eating snacks.

"If I had a daughter" Fujinami began "I'd consider him a proper suitor."

"Don't patronize me!" Ataru demanded. "Anyway, what are you guys going to do, huh? Just go up and get killed? Don't you understand? Time and space are on her side right now! The universe hasn't gotten adjusted to me being here yet!"

"That's right" Inaba said, regaining his manly tone. "besides, at the very least, you'll need some proper guns and ammo. An Oni-slaying saber a spatula does not make." One boy removed the spatula from his belt, and then several others followed.

"Wait a sec" Ataru said. He turned to Inaba and grabbed his shoulders. "That's right! This school, this area, is rich with holes, isn't it? You can open a tunnel here, right? So we can get some proper supplies and stuff for when we choose to encounter Lum! Can you do it? For a friend???"

"I'd do it regardless" Inaba said. "However, before we make a rush for Lum, I would like to further examine our situation. I can get a good view of the sky from somewhere high up and distant from Tomobiki itself, a place with much less unfortunate energy."

"I think" one boy said "I know a place like that...I think we all do..." he turned to his comrades and chuckled. The chuckling broke into laughter, which Mr. Fujinami joined, wrapping his arms around Inaba and opening his mouth wide. Inaba and Ataru laughed as well, nervously at first, then honestly and heartily.

* * *

The Mendo Estate. A sprawling, gigantic, indescribably extensive area all belonging to the worlds most prominent and wealthy family. The Liberation Front was scrounging through Mendo's armory, the artificial clouds far in the distance and out of harming range. Inaba studied the sky beyond the clouds, peering into the stars themselves against the infinite canvas of space. Ataru was content to wear Shutaro's private, extravagantly octopus-patterned kimono while layering it with a rubber trash bag underneath to protect from the eventual volts he'd doubtlessly get. Ataru noticed Inaba deep in concentration and walked over to him while tying his hair up in a samurai knot.

"What's up?" Ataru asked.

"This isn't good" Inaba said in a serious, almost grave tone.

"What is it now?" Ataru asked.

"From what I can tell" Inaba began "our return had some equally devastating repercussions as our departure did. As soon as your energy returned to this area of reality, it impacted several of the people close to you. At least, cosmically close."

"Really?" Ataru asked. "Who was that?"

"Shutaro Mendo" Inaba began "vanished from his panic room, where he was safe although scarred because it was dark. Shinobu Miyake vanished from her house and her parents are still worried to death about her. Sakura and Cherry both vanished while trying to fight back the apparent explosion of demons that came out on our return, though they seem to have left out of boredom now. Tobimaro and Asuka vanished when she tried to enter the bath with him...thankfully. Ryuunosuke Fujinami vanished upon our return, where she was otherwise deep undercover, close to the shrine itself where Lum is holding fort."

"No way" Ataru said. "Well, what about Ran? Or Oyuki? Benten or Kurama? Well, not that I've seen her much, but all of them?"

"Benten is here" Inaba said, forcing Ataru to nearly face-plant into the floor. "She helped Lum with the conquest. Ran...I can't tell. She may have fled into sub-space where my tracking skills don't work, and I don't think Oyuki is aware of all of this yet. Likewise, the nation of Japan has declared Tomobiki to be a 'quarantine-zone' and banned all public and private transportation otherwise heading here, so the situation is technically contained."

"How is that like Oyuki not knowing...?" Ataru asked. "More importantly, how close are we to being able to get Lum dressed?" Ataru pulled out the bra, which he kept inside his kimono near his chest, so Inaba could see it.

"We are just about ready" Inaba said. "Due to all the reality-warping the vanishments caused, there was plenty of open space for you to move in and begin setting yourself back into this frame of reality."

"Man" Ataru sighed, "it must take a lot of brainpower to learn and understand all this space stuff."

"Actually" Inaba said "I only understand myself about half of the time. I'm otherwise channeling knowledge that I heard or read but I barely get it myself." What caused Ataru's face to meet the floor so quickly was not what Inaba said, but the fact that his voice was unwaveringly proud as he said it.

"Line UP!" Mr. Fujinami demanded. He began pacing, making long, wide steps as he went across the line. All the soldiers were re-armed and suited up in the finest military combat gear that the Mendo family had in their gigantic armory. Each young man had doubled his weight with the metal of guns and other equipment they thought handy for the coming chaos. "MEN! This shall be our finest hour! Where the market district failed, where Sector 'Tako-gaken' fell, we will persevere and force our way into victory!"

"UAAAAHHH!!!" the small, pathetic army screamed.

"Say Inaba" Ataru whispered, "why don't you let me slip ahead real quick. I'll stay hidden until you give me the word that it's safe, okay?"

"That seems like a good idea" Inaba agreed. "Let's go somewhere else to do it, though. I don't think you want to get there from the school." Inaba and Ataru walked away while Fujinami continued his pep rally, complete with strange posing and fan-dancing.

"We're gonna do what!?" he asked.

"KICK SOME ASS!" the boys called.

"We're gonna do what!?" he asked again.

"KICK SOME ASS!!" the boys shouted once more.

"WE'RE GONNA DO WHAT!?!?" he shouted, shaking his head.

"KICK! SOME! AAAASSSS!!!!" they shouted. There were only about twelve of them, but they still made their voices echo and mesh together to form a perfectly manly cry of utter futility.

* * *

The hilltop shrine, the only place in Tomobiki where lightning hadn't blasted the grass into a fresh black. Benten stood on top of Lum's hovering UFO with a pair of binoculars and a strange glove-like device with a detonator-like firing mechanism gripped in her palm. After scanning the scene and making her final observations, she lowered the alien technology with a grin.

"Looks like they're moving out" Benten said. "Great. I need all the target practice I can get." Benten suddenly heard something behind her, a rustling in the trees. She turned around on her heel and aimed the device on her hand at the area. A dim beam of red light shined out and hit the ground as a dot. She nearly pressed the trigger, but the innocent expression on the frightened rabbit stopped her from blasting it into a roast. She smiled and hopped down to a ladder, then slid down to the ground. She walked over to the rabbit but it ran away. Still, she seemed pleased.

"Go run along" Benten said to the rabbit. "You won't want to be around here...when the bullets start flying." Ataru, hiding in the nearby bushes after making his way out of a cosmic exit from a literal rabbit hole, heard Benten's words and observed all her actions, though with more lust than actual research. He ringed his fingers on the silken kimono and furrowed his brow with a stern, wild gaze.

_This may be bad_ Ataru told himself. _I wouldn't have a problem with missiles or lasers, but live bullets are a lot harder to avoid...!_


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Operation Anti-Invasion! Darling, Give it Back!!!

* * *

The Mendo Armory had been fully raided of all things useful for the troop of teenaged rebels led by an insane old man. That man, now wearing some accursed warpaint that only succeeded in making his intolerably ugly face even worse turned impatiently on Inaba and began his subtle orders.

"HEY BUNNY BOOOY!!!" Fujinami bellowed. "Where's Moroboshi at!?"

"He went ahead" Inaba said.

"WHAAAAAAA!?" Fujinami shakily gasped, standing on one foot and curling his fingers. "That...that brave young man!" Fujinami, in his random fit of stupidity and insanity, fell ot his knees and pounded the ground crying. "Why? WHY!? WHY couldn't my son be more like him!? At least with his looks, Ryuunosuke might attract some girls if he constantly searched for them like Moroboshi does!"

"So anyway" one of the more responsible boys said, "will he be alright?"

"He should be fine" Inaba said politely. Then he looked to the side with a serious, demure glance. _Of course, there's always the strong chance that he will get discovered. Plus, I know Ataru well enough. He is likely to become impatient and rush in before the universe is ready! Stars will explode and seas will vaporize if he acts irresponsibly...I think. The inter-dimensional Butterfly Effect is confusing as hell!_

"Okay" another boy said. He kicked at the sobbing, fetal-positioned Fujinami and only got a dry wheeze out of him. "We need a new leader to boot. Man, this isn't going so wall."

"No one's gotten close yet" another boy pointed out. "The closest the Market District got was up to the shrine steps, then boom! Lightning everywhere!"

"I used to like Lum" one boy admitted with a clenched, shaking fist. "She was an object of my admiration, right up there with all those swimsuit models and that singer Steffanie! Now she's taken over our town in the span of a single night and forced us all into isolation! Who knows where her beautiful terror will end!?"

"We can only hope" another boy said "that she decides to be merciful, and uses us like horses to transport her friends around town in carts and whatnot."

"Hey" another boy said, this one slightly enthusiastic, "maybe if she treats us like horses, she'll end up _studding_ us like horses!"

"Are you serious!?" another boy shouted anxiously.

"I'm beginning to like the prospects of invasion" another boy mused.

"Hey!" Inaba weakly called. "Aren't we moving out yet?"

Up on the hill where the ship was carefully docked, Ataru managed to get himself into a comfortable yet functional stealth position. He was inside the small shrine that the UFO hovered just above, breathing slow and quietly so as not to alert the war-mongering Benten. He had nothing to eat, and had had nothing to eat all night. All the excitement from back in the past and the dread of discovery kept him awake and alert, but his stomach was notoriously loud when he was starving. He knew he couldn't risk discovery this early, when the universe wasn't ready for Lum to be clothed, so he did the only thing he could at the time. He ate his kimono. Rather, he ate Mendo's kimono, and found it disgustingly cloth-like.

"Bad idea" Ataru groaned with a torn piece of cloth in his mouth.

"You up now?" Benten called outside. Ataru gulped accidentally and listened in. He gathered that Benten was talking to someone. "How're you feeling?"

"Alright" Lum answered. Ataru feared for his life. "I'm getting annoyed, though. This thing you gave me isn't helping."

"Just relax" Benten said. "Plate-mail bikinis aren't really made for comfort, y'know."

"Yeah, yeah" Lum sighed. She sounded tired for some reason. Ataru felt like he should know why, but all he was focusing on was the fact that she was walking over to the shrine with Benten. He scrambled silently to find some at least half-appropriate hiding place where he couldn't be touched, but found nothing quickly. Then, as the girls began sliding the door open, Ataru went to his trump-card and hid...

* * *

Lum had the metal bikini in hand and discarded it outside the shrine as she entered. Her tiger cape still covered her bare chest, thankfully, and her hood was down. Ataru, from under the floorboards, heard her stop and looked out through a tiny hole he chewed to breath through. He saw her reflection in a golden Buddha statue grotesquely resembling a certain cretinous Monk and saw that she looked sad. Lum sighed, another obvious sign of her sadness, and walked over to the very mat Ataru hid under. She first untied her cape, which Ataru enjoyed silently, then laid it down over his breathing/peeping hole to sit down.

"What's up?" Benten asked, sitting next to her. Lum's head drifted slowly down with her eyes. She caught herself and snapped her head back up and her eyes wide open. "You were up all night, weren't you?"

"Of course I was" Lum said. "There was a chance that Darling would show up in an inopportune time, so of course I had to take that chance and scan for him."

"But now you're exhausted" Benten said. "I came down here to help you conquer and invade the planet, which you promised to share with me, not to find that perv so I can get a free, amateur breast exam!"

"Be nicer to him" Lum said sleepily. "He's just easily excitable, you know that...maybe you should wear more."

"Oh, really?" Benten began. Lum realized she really wasn't in a position to make that argument work, so she shut her mouth and hung her head, accidentally drifting off to sleep for a split second. "You should eat or drink something, Lum. It might perk you up a bit."

"No" Lum said. "I started this and I need to maintain it."

"You know" Benten said, patting her friend on the back, "your dad would probably be proud of you for what you're doing. Sure, you're breaking a treaty and essentially making yourself a criminal, but wanting to be a Warlord would definitely make him happy."

"I've been thinking about that" Lum admitted. "At first, I was really angry and just patrolled the neighborhood with a gun in my hands. Then I realized what I was really doing was scaring the people, some of whom I thought were my friends, into locking themselves in so tight that they couldn't get out. Then I just kept going and going and Mendo's parents mobilized their own defense force to neutralize my 'rampage'. Then Mendo used his police force to fight his parents and they blew apart most of Tomobiki with their bombers. Then of course you came down and everyone saw you and I together, and I automatically got the credit for the town getting destroyed."

"We couldn't have planned it better!" Benten said with a smile.

"But really" Lum began. She made a brief sniffle, one Ataru had heard before and knew as honest, and then she said through her building sobbing "I just miss Darling!" Lum leaned in and grabbed Benten, whose hands were holding her crossed sitting legs. Lum began crying, now awake with emotions, and Benten very awkwardly looked up and away while patting her on the back.

_Oh no_ Ataru thought, _I can feel the guilt pooling in me! It's overwhelming me! I...I have to make myself known! NO! No way! Even if I wanted to for once, I have to wait until Inaba gives me the okay. That bastard, making the universe so fickle to opportunity! This it the perfect time to surprise her and Benten! That's right, Benten's here! She only comes around every so often, too! I won't get to see her for who knows how long after she leaves! GAAAH! STUPID UNIVERSE!!!_

"Hey now" Benten began, "cheer up, okay? It's not like he's dead, right? You saw him leave, right?" Lum became slightly cheered up, knowing how rugged and rough her friend was. Dishing out such sympathy was definitely against Benten's character. Suddenly a klaxon blaring, followed by the roaring of random gun fire. "What the hell?" Benten asked. She got up and peeked out the door, only to duck back in with a panic when a loud stream of terrible bullets came roaring at her. A grenade or two followed, though they both exploded off and away from the shrine she hid in. "Hey, Lum! Those jackasses actually got up here for once!"

"Really?" Lum asked, hovering up.

"I'm taking my fight to them" Benten said. "Get inside the UFO and look of Ataru if you want! If a a team of fighters actually got this far then he's bound to be around."

"Got it" Lum cheerfully said. She tied her arms back around her chest so her breasts weren't as wildly exposed and flew off. When the coast was clear Ataru emerged with the tatami mat leaning against him. He was in a dire state of seriousness that he tried desperately to crack, despite his mouth's equally dire resistance.

"I..." he struggled "miss you too...L...L...L-**BENTEEEEEN**!!!"

* * *

"Eh?" Benten grunted. "Did someone call my name?"

"Hey you!" Fujinami shouted through a rolled-up newspaper as a bullhorn. "The butch girl always cavorting with my son! How about an arranged marriage!?" he angrily shouted. One of the boys hit some sense in him with the butt of a gun. "Give us back Tomobiki or suffer some pain!"

"You're threatening me?" Benten said in amusement. She then began a loud, gaudy cackle while leaning back. "Don't make me bust a damn gut! I've got a lightning gun on my wrist, moron!"

"Oh crap" Fujinami said, reeling back. "I'd forgotten about that somehow!"

"Useless!" the boys shouted.

"Everyone" Inaba said, stepping forward dramatically with his hat on his head. "Leave this to me! I am no mere mortal, I can absorb the lightning blasts while you advance and take her down!"

"Why don't we shoot her" a boy asked "and hide under the trees?"

"GOOO!!!!" Inaba shouted, pointing forward. He reached into the lapel of his suit and pulled out a set of rabbit ears. He removed his hat, folding it inside-out and into another dimension, then put the ears on. He waited for Benten to make her move, then he would leap!

"I LOVE THE SEEEEEEEEAA!!!!!" Fujinami shouted, riding on a low wave of water with a jutte in his hand. Benten smiled at the oncoming challenge and prepared her self. Hand on her hip and device aiming down, she pressed the button and a flashing red beam appeared on Fujinami's forehead.

"This" Benten whispered "is for Ryuunosuke!" The device clicked, shot out a beam, and sent a simultaneous signal to the sky. Where the beam ended lightning would strike! Inaba jumped high into the air, right over Fujinami and the advancing crew, and intercepted the lightning with skeleton-flashing pain. Once the electricity stopped he started to fall and Benten began firing again. Inaba shook off the pain and crouched down horizontally in the air, leaping off the wind itself, to get hit by yet more lightning.

Inside Lum's craft the Oni girl desperately scanned the city of anyone matching her Darling's exact DNA pattern. After a brief moment of searching her computer came up with an answer, right in the center of the map where her UFO was shown. "Ah!" she gasped. "That can't be. Darling is here?"

"UWAAAAAHHH!" Inaba shouted in pain. He cratered into the ground just in front of Benten while the others continued ahead. With a cough he rose back up and caught a glimpse of space beyond the swirling black clouds. The universe was just nearly in its proper place, but there was still time hanging. "Not yet! We have to hold out a little long-" The boys came rushing in to tackle Benten in a style eerily similar to what Ataru would do and finally subdued her.

"GUAH!" Benten shouted. "LUM! Come out here and Zap these punks! Before I get mad and kill them myself!"

"Benten!" Lum called happily. "Darling is here! He's right here! Right here!!!"

"I feel lots of unwanted hands" Benten said, standing back up while the boys hung off her "but my skin's not quite crawling from them yet."

"There's still time!" Inaba said. "If they reunite too soon..."

"LUM!" Ataru shouted. Lum's face went blank with joy. She looked over where she heard his voice and saw him, standing on the top of her UFO. "I'm here Lum. And...I've got this for you." Ataru took her bra out from inside his kimono and held it out for her. Lum was overcome with a flooding torrent of emotions, but her exhausted state made the angered Oni disposition stand out above her unrequited love. She flew up with her fangs bared and a terrible glare on her face, her hair floating and crackling with lightning. No matter how glad she was to see him, her voice became demonic and lower than she had ever used it before.

"Darling" she growled. "Do you know how much I worried!?"

"Yeah" Ataru said calmly. "Now, come on. Take it."

"Grrrrr!" Lum growled. She pumped her arms in frustration and leaned in to continue yelling at the unusually passive Ataru. "DARLING! I'm mad at you! How can you just show up after disappearing, leaving me alone, with that stupid smile on your face?" Lum's voice changed from angry to sad as she began to shed tears. The time was still not right, as Inaba could see, but the crushed lungs and scorched lungs made it hard to vocalize a warning.

* * *

"It's right here for you" Ataru offered seriously. "Come take it, if you still want it."

"Darling" Lum sobbed. "Why...Look out there! You see what happened because of you? This whole thing was because of you! Because you took my bra away you...you...Darling you IDIOT!!!" Lum's surge of anger spiked into a spire of lightning that shattered the clouds and revealed a hole of blue sky beyond them. Ataru was smiling, and held the bra close to his face, looking at it almost lovingly.

"That's right" Ataru said. "Everything really took off when I took your bra...off! Hehehehe!"

"Now you're laughing at me!?" Lum said in outrage. "Do you want to die, Darling!?"

"I did" Ataru said, "back then. Man, I was in a state of perpetual panic in those ten days. The fate of the whole world and all its people rested on me and me alone! I had to do something! Any little taste of victory gave me so much excitement, like I really could win, so when I had that first little bit I got excited and my hands just went off in their own ways! Next thing I knew there was something soft in my hand, and I knew what it was, so I unconsciously grabbed at it. Then I was on the ground, so overcome with sadness over losing yet another day's worth of time that I couldn't focus on the treasure I had stolen from your chest! YES! Everything started for me on that day Lum, and for you as well! That tiny slip is what led the world, the universe, and all its people here!!!"

"What are you talking about?" Benten shouted. "Just give her the bra, moron!"

"Not yet" Inaba shouted. "Hold out for just a minute or two!" Lum didn't hear either of them. Ataru forcing those memories on her had thrown her for a total loop. She hadn't expected Darling, of all people, to look back on such memories with a positive inflection. She always thought those were his nightmares, the days where he got closer and closer to losing his youthful freedom...

"Darling" Lum cooed. The thunder rumbled in the distance, a portrait in the sky was formed from the scenery of charred buildings and the dark sky. Lum lowered herself to the hull of her craft and began walking. Inaba jumped up, coming into plain sight behind her, waving his hands and shaking his head. Ataru gulped, wondering how muc hlonger he could keep such a stunt up. "Darling...I missed you."

"I know Lum" Ataru said. She stopped.

"So" Lum said with a light smile "I assume you only missed Benten and Ryuunosuke? How about Ran, Shinobu, Sakura, Asuka and Ryoko? Were they on your mind the whole time when you were gone?"

"Well, Ran was" Ataru admitted. Lum scoffed. "Hey, did you know Ran's an alien."

"HEH!?" Lum exclaimed. "How-When-Wh, where did you...How did you find out, Darling? We've both tried so hard to defend her secret!"

"I won't tell" Ataru said. "However, I want you to introduce me to her mom. What a babe!"

"Darling!" Lum chided. Ataru chuckled in his goofy, lecherous way and smiled. Lum felt the urge to tackle and bite him but his pleasantness towards her was so warm and welcoming. Plus, he was openly revealing himself after running away and avoiding her for a full day. Such maturity demanded some kind of reward, and the only reward Lum knew Ataru would want was her patience. "Alright. I can do that." Ataru stopped chuckling on a curious note.

"Hey bunny boy" Benten began in an irked voice. Inaba landed and prepared to jump again, but first he looked up at Benten. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Come hold her down with us!" Fujinami demanded. Benten finally grew too annoyed with him and pounded him away. "AOH! Masakoooo..." he groaned as he drifted into an ugly unconscious state. The boys climbed off her in fear while Inaba went about explaining the delicate structure of the universe...again, in a manner that Benten could understand. Meanwhile Ataru was still trying to hold together his constitution and resist the urge to run away. He was also trying to resist the urge to fly forward and hug Lum on a sudden whim.

_Keep it together_ Ataru told himself. _I'm not sure what reuniting entails, but I need to make sure she doesn't actually touch me or the bra until Inaba gives me an okay._

"HEY! MOROBOSHI!" Benten shouted. She climbed up the side of the UFO and ran at him, trying to hide a sly smile under an angry scowl. She ran into him and got him in a sudden headlock with her arms and leg lock with her legs.

"Benten!" Lum shouted. "What are you doing!? Darling and I were about to make up!"

"Well" Benten said "maybe I don't want you to make up!" Lum drew back at her words and started gathering energy. "Invading and conquering and stuff, it ain't my style exactly, but it's still a hell of a lot of fun! I'm not gonna let that fun end just because you want it to!" Benten squeezed her arms and knocked Ataru out with her sheer force. Making sure the bra stayed in his grip Benten took him away and began running down the UFO for the stairs on the hill. Lum was shocked into a stunned state for a few moments, then the clouds gathered again and uncontrollable lightning came.

"RAAAAAAAAWR! BENTEEEEEN!!!!!!" Lum roared.

"That's it, Benten" Inaba said, looking at the sky. "Take Moroboshi to the park in town and the universe will be ready!"

"Man" one boy said, dropping all his equipment, "I'm glad I'm not in his class."

"You kidding?" another boy said. "Just talking to him drags you into twisted, weird situations like this!"

"He's officially on my do-not-approach list," another boy said "right up there with poison ivy and amateur sushi!"

* * *

"Oh, Benten" Ataru lecherously chuckled. "Uh...under any other circumstances I'd be delighted with your behavior, but today is sort of a bad day. Maybe we can reschedule our date?"

"Who's dating you?" Benten asked. "I'm just stalling for time while Inaba sets his thing up!"

"Thing?" Ataru asked. Finally they arrived in the park with Lum hot on their tails. Benten dropped Ataru to the ground where he quickly recovered. "What thing?" Benten scoffed and crossed her arms.

"That guy" she began "is going to try and pass all this warped space through some kind of door and get everything back to the way it was before me and Lum had out little rampage."

"So" Ataru said "he's going to reset the damage?"

"He said" Benten corrected "that he's going to rewind space and time while retaining the memories of the main universal foci...or...something like that. I was half listening, but I think I got the main points down." A blast of lightning hit Benten and she flew against a tree with smoke pouring form her skin. Ataru was stunned out of reflexive fear at the nearby lightning, but the real fear came when Lum descended with her eyes glowing. She was looking at Ataru like it was all his fault!

"Lum!" Ataru said, shifting his glance rapidly. "You...you saved me! What a relief."

"Darling" she growled. Ataru nearly dropped the bra as his arms were up in surrender. He wanted to back away but the combined fear and want to be close to her after so much strange time was too great. Lum moved in, a nebula of static crackling all around her. She was within just a footstep when she released the paws of her tiger cowl from her body, letting it fall down to the ground. She moved his hands to grip her top with both hands and then she moved into it, and into him, with a kiss. Ataru was still stunned and couldn't move, but soon he calmed himself and relaxed into the kiss as well, wrapping Lum's bra around her back and tying it together in a tight knot.

She finally released from him and settled on simply hugging him in her arms. "Thank you" Lum said.

"That should be my line" Ataru replied. "Lum...I'm sorry."

"I know" Lum said. They stayed immobile while Benten's skin continued to smoke from the lightning, her presence going unnoticed with all the love in the air.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Spacial Disaster! Shutaro, the Sufferer of the Universe!

* * *

Now, in the dystopic present of Tomobiki, Ataru and Lum stood together in the center of the park while Inaba drew a line of pink chalk around them.

"Inaba" Ataru began, "what's going on?"

"Simple" Inaba said as he finished the line. He put the chalk in his hat and then the hat upon his head, then turned to them with a smile and upwards-pointing finger. "I'm going to reset reality to repair the damage that's been done. As long as you stay inside the circle I drew, the after effects of such a huge move like memory loss and temporal displacement won't happen to you!"

"Good to know" Ataru said. Lum nodded and held herself tighter against his arm. The boys and Mr. Fujinami watched on from the treeline, unwanting to get mixed up in the rabbit's magic, and Benten watched from her bike with fresh bandages around her stomach. Inaba stepped inside the circle and spun around on his heels to face the same direction as Ataru and Lum, Northeast. He made several strange, martial-arts poses before finally throwing an open palm into the air and twisting it as if he were grabbing a knob. The world suddenly made a low hum as reality began warping in drastically strange ways. The ground began shaking outside the safe pink circle.

"What's going on?" Ataru demanded.

"Darling!" Lum replied, holding him tight. He held her back for the sake of safety.

"Hey Inaba!" Ataru shouted over the roar of the planet. "Are you trying to destroy the world or something? Stop the earthquakes!" Inaba stared up at the sky with his hands folded behind his back. After several moments of light swimming in the pools of his eyes he turned around with a totally innocent smile.

"In order for the previous reality to be restored" Inaba said "we must eliminate this one. So yes, in a way, I am ending the world." At that very cue the ground all around them started to open up. Buildings fell into an infinite, dark abyss. Fujinami danced around, avoiding the cracks for a while, but eventually the ground opened up beneath him and he was swallowed by the sea of black. Benten couldn't start her bike in time and was taken down by a falling boulder of rubble, falling down until and explosion from her bike blasted light up out of the darkness below. Inaba's smile made the whole scene seem even more surreal and creepy than it already was.

"Darling!" Lum shouted. "I'm scared!"

"I'm kicking your ass, Inaba!" Ataru shouted. He and Lum couldn't stand the pressure of watching their world be destroyed and they fell to their knees in a huddle.

"It's alright" Inaba said. The chaos and destruction reflected in the blue of his eyes as he watched it all happily. "Everything will be fine." Finally, in the ending stages of the world's deconstruction, the moon capsized in an invisible sea and form the sun came a huge, wooden door that approached the Earth. As it opened it revealed a dark, night sky scarce of clouds and slowly began to pass through what was once the Earth. Lum and Ataru were both crying out of panic, having never expected such a timid and witless young man like Inaba to be capable of Armageddon.

"We're just going down the rabbit hole and back up again" Inaba said. "It's all very...very simple..." Finally the group passed the threshold and the door was shut. The night sky turned out to be the same dim evening across from the golden sunset, both of which could be seen from the balcony that Ataru was stopped with a dead chill on. Lum had on a pink, lacy bra instead of her normal one, which was in Ataru's hand. They were in dire shock, unable to breath for a few moments, then a figure appeared. Inaba teleported in from sub-space and stood on the banister of Ataru's balcony, forcing him to the floor as he crawled away.

"And that's that!" Inaba cheerfully said. "Everything is right again! I've set time and space to just before you ruined both, so no damage has been done!" Ataru kicked Inaba in the stomach and Lum stomped on his head.

"What was the point of all that!?" she demanded.

"I had a heart attack" Ataru said with a quivering voice, then he broke out in a yell to say "YOU DAMN BUNNY! When you're about to end the world around your two friends, **YOU TELL THEM!!!**" Ataru delivered another swift smack to his blond head as Lum floated up and flipped around behind her Darling's back, defensively looking over his shoulder. Inaba got himself up and brushed off the damage.

"Sorry guys" Inaba apologized. "That was the only way, unfortunately. Now we're back to normal space, although I'll still need to iron out a few wrinkles here and there. Nothing major, just some minor alterations in spacial structure. You two can go about your business as usual. Ah, and Ataru, I'd suggest getting a map of sub-space multi-fate dimensions the next time you hide out there. It'll prevent further unfortunate happenings. Farewell!" Inaba leaped from the balcony and vanished in thin air, gone before Ataru could find him. His eyes were bugging, wide and red with dryness and mental exhaustion. When he turned back his eyes closed and only opened halfway while his eyebrows drifted up...

"Inaba is strange" Lum said.

"Most of our friends are" Ataru said. He noticed that Lum's bra was still in his hand, so he got up and crawled over to make things right again. Lum took the bra from him, turned around and put it back on. "Why can't I see them again?" Ataru asked.

"Can't you be satisfied for once?" Lum asked. "Darling, aren't you even tired from all that excitement?" Ataru's stomach growled loudly. He remembered that he barely got to eat anything in either time space frame. He chuckled when it stopped and look at Lum, who's stomach was also making noise.

"Let's get dinner" Ataru said.

"I'm hungry for rabbit stew" Lum said, obviously still angry at Inaba.

* * *

The white-suited boy realized, as he walked through an infinite darkness populated by the ticking, clicking mechanics of trans-dimensional clocks, that he only had so much time to repair his damage until he had to meet Shinobu for their arranged date.

"She'll get mad" he said "if I'm late. She tends to be very easily thrown into rage when it comes to dating...maybe she isn't really that right for me." Inaba stopped on the center of a dial just as the giant thing hit high noon. "No, I'm being ridiculous. Shinobu and I are a wonderful couple! I love her and she...well, from the test we accomplished together, I know she loves me. I can't give in to hopelessness! Even if there is no chance of victory in sight that doesn't mean it doesn't exist! What has Ataru taught me if not that it's never okay to give in!!!" Inaba ripped open a hole and poked his head through a notably loud problem area. He was in the Mendo home, perfectly orderly with men in black shades running around with trays of food and other necessities for the evening of their gracious master Shutaro.

"If I'm not mistaken" Inaba said as he steadies himself on solid ground, "this is where that Shutaro fellow lives. I think I know who to look for for signs of a spacial anomaly, then. Off I go!" Inaba jumped and leaped through the halls, apparently undetected by the staff as he nearly flew through the halls and when it suited him through the walls. He finally arrived at an outside area with a huge moat surrounding a small building where a smoke-stack let out constant steam.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" Shutaro screamed.

"Yes!" Inaba cheered. "Right on time!" Loud, stomping footsepes were heard as Mendo exited what appeared to be a private bathhouse. His men gathered in front of the door and waited for him to come out and reveal whatever trivial matter had made his cream.

"MOROBOSHI!" Mendo shouted to the heavens. "This is your fault, isn't it!? Only you would do something like this to meeeee!!!!" Mendo came out with long flowing hair, curvacious hips and a perky bust both covered by a Mendo-marked towel. He was a woman...again, and his guards fainted at the sight. Inaba held in his laughter and got into his workplace mindset. "He did this" Mendo growled. "I know he did! I'm positive he did it! He absolutely did this to me! Only Moroboshi's mind is so very wrong as to make this happen!!!" Even though his form was that of a cute girl, his voice was vicious and unchanged.

"Oh, brother?" Ryoko called. "I heard your distress! Have you fallen into the deep end of your tub? Or perhaps Mr. Moroboshi replaced the water in your faucet with soup?"

"Ryoko!!!" Shutaro shouted in panic. His guards were finally up and working again, forming a human circle around him...her.

"No worries, master" a guard said. "Your sister won't realize your condition anytime soon. Quickly! Get dressed!"

"Right" Shutaro agreed. He went into the bathhouse once more and locked the doors. Inaba floated on over and through the inattentive guards, then into the bathhouse itself where he accidentally caught a nose-bleeding glimpse of the female Shutaro changing into her underwear. Innocently she turned to him and covered her breasts with her arms, screaming a girlish, man-voiced "Kyaaa! A man!" Inaba's face met floor. After a brief explanation and the guards holding the Kuroko at bay long enough for Ryoko to get bored and leave, Shutaro was dressed in his normal attire with his hair back in a pony tail.

"So I was technically correct" Shutaro said. "This really _is_ Morobohsi' fault! I must move out and punish him, and by punish I mean kill!"

"Now wait" Inaba pleaded. "I can fix this easily! Trust me!"

"Why should I trust you" Shutaro asked as he made for his sword "when you have admitted to aiding in Moroboshi's sins?" Mendo drew out her blade and aimed it at Inaba's face. Inaba didn't flinch. Mortal weapons didn't scare him the same as regular people. "Listen, blond-hair hare! Unless you want to become my evening soup I suggest you cure me posthaste and then speedily hop away!"

"I gladly will" Inaba said "if I can get one of the hairs from your sister's head." Mendo lost his balance and nearly fell over at the absurd request.

"What!?" he shouted. "Why do you need that?"

"I don't know" Inaba admitted, fully vaulting Shutaro to the floor. "I don't question the universe, honestly. I just work for it, and right now to fix this situation I need one of the hairs from her head or you'll be stuck like this forever."

"Forever you say?" Shutaro said with dread. Inaba nodded and Shutaro fell into the venomous trap that was the female mind of emotions. She became instantly sad and started crying, though the manly tone didn't leave her voice. "I suppose, like this, Miss Asuka would accept me, but what of Moroboshi and his wretched hands?"

Of course, this scene was reproduced in Mendo's Mind Theater, featuring Shutaro as a babe and Ataru as himself...

* * *

"_Hey Mendo!" Ataru shouted as he ran forward with the face of a hungry wolf, "Why don't we hang out more!?"_

"_Get away!" Shutaro shouted in distress. "Moroboshi, don't touch me!" Ataru tackled him and began stripping him just off of Mendo's own camera vision._

"_Don't be so unfamiliar" Ataru said. "We're practically brothers, aren't we!?"_

"_NOOOOOO!!!!!" Shutaro bellowed._

He came out of that nightmare on the verge of vomiting, but was able to gag it back into his throat in a painful lump and fell to the bathhouse floor.

"Inaba" Shutaro began weakly, "I think I have a plan...can you get one of my sister's school dresses from her room undetected?"

"I have a dress right here" Inaba said, pulling out an elegant rabbit-patterned sundress and pair of bunny ears.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND!!!" Shutaro roared. Minutes later the gigantic estate doorbell, literally set high up in a bell tower with a myriad of octopus-marked bells, rang. Ryoko looked away from her current work, a clay doll of her brother with his own hairs set into it, and walked to the threshold of her room. A kuroko came to her feet obediently.

"Who is at the door?" She asked.

"A young girl" the kuroko reported "claiming to be here to see young master Mendo. She also states that she is from the same school as you, mistress."

"What?" Ryoko said in distress. _What is this? A possible suitor, aiming to steal away my older brother? And he already has his own engagement to worry about! This poor young woman...I must take it upon myself to steer her away from the heartbreak of discovering this terrible turn of events!_

"Kuroko A!" Ryoko commanded. "Bring that girl to me immediately!"

"Yes ma'am" he said. "Although, I am actually Kuroko 'L'" With ninja speed the man vanished, although in reality his comrade kuroko simply put a panel of speed lines in front of him and he walked away for the elevator. The kuroko traveled fast on a moped through the halls of the estate, stealthily avoiding the rest of the staff, while Inaba tracked him by passing through the walls.

_So that's Mendo's plan_ Inaba said. _He knows his sister so well!_ Shutaro waited down below in the living room with her hair up in a bun much like a traditional Japanese woman. He wore glasses and lipstick to completely conceal his appearance from the various guards and familiar staff of his own estate.

_I hope this works_ Shutaro thought. _I can't bear being like this for much longer._

"Excuse me" kuroko L said. "The Lady Ryoko wishes to speak with you before you meet the young master."

"Oh?" Shutaro said in an extremely falsetto, effeminate voice. Inaba ducked his head through the wall with a flat look on his face. "Whatever might she want with little old me?"

_His acting_ Inaba thought _is not as strong as Moroboshi's. He could convince me he is a girl, but Shutaro hasn't built on that particular skill quite yet...Still, I will stand by and wait for him to acquire a stray hair of his sister's so that I may fix this patch of damage in space/time._ Shutaro boarded the moped, sitting side-saddle, and the kuroko sped off to deliver her to Ryoko's egregiously huge bedroom suite. It was across the entire front castle and through a delicate Japanese garden of beautiful flowers and a lake of playful Koi.

_I'm glad to see this is all being so well maintained_ Shutaro said. _I hope my precious octopi are getting along well without me. It's already past their feeding time...I can't possibly face them like this. I need to return to normal so they don't starve!_ Finally Shutaro arrived, was placed inside an old and rustic elevator, and brought up to the highest floor with the tallest ceiling to face his twisted sister.

"Please" Ryoko offered, sitting at a long tea table, "come in." Shutaro gulped, knowing some kind of peril awaited him, and began entering. On his first step he heard something snap and made an elegant, feminine combat roll away as a huge guillotine blade came crashing down.

_Leave it to my sister_ Shutaro thought _to try and kill a potential girlfriend of mine without a moment of hesitation._

"Please" Ryoko repeated, "take a seat. Any one you like." Shutaro knew her trick. He marched straight across the length of the table and sat next to Ryoko, who was quite surprised but kept it under a calm demeanor. "Why would you sit there? Doesn't it seem awfully familiar of you?" Inaba's face appeared in Ryoko's tea cup, warping and wiggling in the tea. Shutaro acknowledged it and looked up with a sickly sweet face at Ryoko.

"Oh, forgive me!" she said in an obviously fake voice. "I thought you wanted to talk with me, and with such great distance between us, neither of us would be able to carry on a conversation!"

_How dare she catch on to me_ Ryoko scathed. _No matter. Whatever her motives are, I will root them out..._

_HELP INABA!_ Shutaro shouted internally with an uncomfortable face. _I'm begging you, I can't hold out much longer here!_The meeting went on with an uncomfortable, eerie silence. Shutaro ignored the presence of the army of kuroko in the room hiding in all sorts of bizarre places and standing in plain sight, while Ryoko peacefully sipped from her cup of tea. Shutaro wanted to take a sip, but Inaba held up a sign for poison in the reflection of his cup, possibly warning that drinking would be a mistake.

* * *

"So" Ryoko finally began, clapping for her attendants to carry away the tea and snacks, "you wish to date my brother?"

"Oh of course!" Shutaro admitted bashfully. "That is to say, I've only seen him a few times coming and going from school, but he is ever so dashing and handsome! And I hear he is so very smart as well! I feel I'd make a perfect wife for such a man!"

"I'm sorry to say" Ryoko said "that my brother, while quite flighty, has decided that he wishes to remain with a certain strange woman from a rival family. It is a dangerous relationship for both our families but one that is assured to bring peace between our two families. So, you see, my brother cannot choose any other bride. He has no choice. He must marry that barbarous girl and suffer unimaginable pain for the rest of his life! At best, you'd make a housewife, destined to forever scrub his shoes until you die."

"Ah" Shutaro gasped. "Is that so? Is she really...that mean?" _HOW DARE YOU, RYOKO! Asuka is nothing but the sweetest, most innocent girl in the world and mocking her strength shows nothing but your own jealously. I need to end this before I snap._

"Plus" Ryoko added "you're ugly. My brother doesn't lean towards ugly woman."

"What was that!?" Shutaro shouted in his normal voice, slamming the table. The kuroko all took a simultaneous step forward and forced a nervous chuckled out of Shutaro. "Oh, I'm sorry!" he apologized, equipping his female voice once more. "I, uh, perhaps you can arrange for me to meet him? Just once? If I can't marry him, perhaps I can just let him know my feelings and leave it at that..."

"What a naïve, foolish request" Ryoko mocked. "Very well." Shutaro sighed with relief and sat down. "Kuroko, spread out and find my brother! Spare no expense! Bring him back bound in iron cords if need be!"

"Yes, mistress!" the army shouted. They left through all manners of secret passage, slipping under the bed and disappearing, climbing up the walls and vanishing, all leaving the area while Shutaro and Ryoko remained alone. Ryoko began pacing towards the window to wait, while Shutaro moved for her dresser drawer and searched for one of her long, brown hairs.

_I only have a moment_ Shutaro thought in a panic. _Damn that rabbit-man! Why isn't he helping me!? _Almost as he thought that Inaba appeared in the mirror and startled Mendo. Inaba pointed over to Ryoko at the window with her back and long, flowing hair turned. Mendo gulped at the consequences but realized he had no other option. He would have to simply pull one of her hairs and run away at top speed. Shutaro began daintily pacing over to Ryoko with his hands tensed and his face nervous beyond his muscular limits.

_Oh, my poor dear brother_ Ryoko thought. _If only he were strong enough to resist the temptations of that wicked girl, if only he could look Asuka in the eyes and reject her like I know he can, then he would be happy and I would be happy as well! I only want the best for him, after all. I love him so..._

"OW!" Ryoko suddenly shouted. Shutaro was sprinting away at mach speed for the distant door with on long hair of his sister's in his hand. Ryoko turned with a pissed expression and snapped her fingers. The scenery of her room started moving and kuroko came out from nowhere. Shutaro dodged them and their prop weapons with the agility and athletic strength that had taken him so long to train and hone.

"Hahaha!" Shutaro laughed in his normal voice. "You are too trusting, Ryoko! Don't you know not to turn you back on a potential enemy!?"

"I know this" Ryoko said as metal bars fell down to lock Shutaro in the room just as he came close to the door. He turned around and saw the demonic energy gathering around his evil sister. "All women are enemies upon meeting. As a woman of the Mendo clan, it is my outright duty to dispatch my enemies and make them my enemies no more!"

"Why not try to make them your friends instead?" Shutaro asked.

"Too troublesome" Ryoko said as a velvet rope dropped from the ceiling just to her side. She grabbed it and smirked. "It's much easier, and fun for me, to hear them screaming..."

"Shutaro!" Inaba whispered. He phased up from the floor as Shutaro was paralyzed and grabbed him, pulling him through space and down several stories. A huge log came swinging down to smash Shutaro, but he escaped successfully, leaving Ryoko disheartened and slightly sad.

"Oh my" Ryoko sighed. "Another playmate gone..."

* * *

Shutaro woke up to a dark night sky. He sat up and rubbed his head, then felt at his familiar chest. Through some unknown means Inaba had repaired sub-space and Shutaro began cackling victoriously as he inspected the rest of his body.

"GUAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Shutaro laughed madly. "Take that, Moroboshi! I refuse to stay a woman! You hear me!? **I AM A MAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!**" Shutaro shouted those words with a sundress and women's underwear on, but thankfully Inaba had delivered him into the furthest reachable depths of the Mendo estate so no one was around but the birds and wild animals to see his ironic declaration. Now that his job was done, Inaba stood before Shinobu's door not with a bunny costume but a bouquet of flowers. When the door opened he smiled and revealed the gift from behind his back. Shinobu was surprised at first, then she was joyful and smiled to accept the gift, holding the flowers close and smelling them.

Space is strange indeed, but sub-space tends to be that much stranger, and the flowers Inaba picked from there gave off the loving aroma of fresh-baked pastries. Their relationship tightened likes steel after that...


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Bum from Beyond the Stars!

* * *

With the cosmic anomalies of before finally fixed the days went on as normal. Granted, Tomobiki Town is rarely under the rest of the world's definition of normal, but the regular events transpired in the time. Ataru and Lum had their spats out in public which either Shinobu or Mendo, if he was nearby, threw themselves into to quell what could escalate into a much worse problem. Sakura lived her regular passive life outside of her nursing position and exorcised a few apparitions from local market stands and other random places. Cherry lounged in his lot with his friend Kotatsuneko and observed the omens in his soup from time to time.

Yes, the clouds passed by without harm above peaceful Tomobiki, and one day some extra-terrestrial even peacefully passed through them.

"WAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" Benten shouted as her bike was led straight down by a blazing hot air. "HOOOOT! HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOOOOOTTTT!!!!" Benten did what she could to redirect her bike into a familiar, damage-absorbent area but her engine was shot and her brakes were broken. She was free falling to the ground at amazing speed and had no choice anymore but to abandon her bike. "Dammit! GOD DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!!!" Benten took a parachute with her and let her bike spiral into the ground below. She dropped for a moment and then opened her chute with a huge sigh of relief.

"Damn" she whined. "That bike's gonna cost me an assload! What a perfect waste of my time, too. I spent months getting that thing's engine perfect!" As Benten sulked the calm winds of the day carried her closer to the wreckage. The whole impact site she made was finally becoming visible. Her bike was driven straight through all three floors of the front of Tomobiki High School, a pillar of smoke building up from inside the ruined walls of the building. "Ah, crap!" she said with a chuckle. "Looks like I've hit something important this time! Ah well..." She floated down and landed right in the courtyard of the school as its main tenants, the extended Fujinami family, came running out to see the destruction. Benten's parachute fell over her and hid her as she fought it off.

"What the hell!?" Ryuunosuke exclaimed.

"It's some kind of attack" her dad said. "RYUUNOSUKE! We must defend our home against the invaders! Go with your fiance and construct an anti-assault catapult! I'll go assess the damage!"

"Got it" Ryuunosuke confirmed. Of course, her father skipped back to his house to lounge and ignore the whole affair while Ryuunosuke and Nagisa scratched their heads to figure out how a catapult would solve any problems. "HEY! The damage is closer to the FRONT! Jackass!"

"I'm going to help him" Nagisa said, pointing in that direction. Ryuunosuke caught him by his ponytail.

"Help him what?" Ryuunosuke growled. "To piss me off?" Ryuunosuke yanked Nagisa in and hooked his arm between her legs, then straddled his back and twisted his arm with her hands. "You don't need to work so hard to do THAT!" Nagisa reversed the hold and caught Ryuunosuke's leg in her arms and dropped her to the ground, pulling hard on her leg until Ryuunosuke hit the ground with her fist.

"It isn't ladylike" Nagisa politely scolded "for a lady to do such drastic things." Nagisa pulled hard one last time, forcing a long pained grunt out of her. Then he got up and skipped right back to join his father-in-law at slacking inside. Ryuunosuke kept her face to the ground in shame and started pushing her fingers at her head in frustration. That's when Benten walked up with a clinking of her chains. Ryuunosuke looked up and saw her extending a friendly hand to get up.

"Benten!?" Ryuunosuke shouted. "Wha, what are you-?"

"It's my bike" Benten said, helping Ryuunosuke up. Benten pointed over to the damaged building to finish her point. Ryuunosuke hung her head and looked away.

"Sorry you had to see that" Ryuunosuke apologized shamefully. "I'm not strong enough to kick his ass yet...other wise that wouldn't have happened."

"His?" Benten asked. Her brain was easily able to piece together the puzzle based on the clues and she held a hand up to her mouth to prevent an uproar of mocking laughter. Ryuunosuke saw her stifling her laughs for her sake and marched off with a spin of her heel. "Hey wait, Ryuu!" Benten shouted, still holding herself back as she ran. "Come back! I'm sorry, dude!"

"DON'T CALL ME **DUDE!!!**" Ryuunosuke roared. She spun around and punched Benten's hand into her mouth, forcing her to the ground with a bounce that landed her a few steps back. Counter-critical Benten started shaking with her rage for battle and got up to her feet, taking he bruised hand to her side and taking a steady, angry hand to the chain on her chest.

"You damn..." she began. Her rage subsided, however, in favor of something closer to sympathy when she saw the tears shaking Ryuunosuke's eyes and her clenched lip. "Oh...Um...Sorry, Ryuu." Ryuunosuke didn't reply instantly. She waited until she was able to swallow her sadness and clenched both her fist, wiping away her tears with her short sleeve. Ryuunosuke tried to form words, but her manly instincts kicked in and she attempted to retreat before her emotions were on display for the whole world to see. Benten caught her with her good hand and got her in a half-hug half-headlock. Ryuunosuke started sobbing and Benten gripped her harder across her upper chest.

"I'm sorry" Ryuunosuke finally said with a shaky voice. She turned around and started quietly crying into her friend's metal-braced chest.

* * *

The afternoon passed and Ryuunosuke finally regained her former composure. After the fire department came by and found Benten's bike she was quick to reclaim it and set it up in Ryuunosuke's small backyard. The two sat as the sun sank beneath the urban scenery and talked for a while, mostly justly angered ranting from Ryuunosuke. At last she was more passive and sipped some of her cheap-tasting tea that her father bought some months ago.

"So that's that, eh?" Benten said. "Man, you're really unlucky, you know? Living here must get annoying after a while."

"It's getting unbearable" Ryuunosuke said. "I can't even sleep without my chest getting groped by Nagisa and my dad doesn't make anything easier. If anything he encourages that crap and makes me drive him through a wall that he makes _me_ fix in the evening! God damn, stupid son of a..." Before continuing, Ryuunosuke took a long drink from her cup and snapped her head to the side to breath out in satisfaction. "It's nice and cool today, eh?" Benten chuckled very softly and captured Ryuunosuke's attention.

"Well, at least you've got a home" Benten said. "My pops kicked me out when I decided to leave school to go biking around the universe. I don't hold it against him, though. His parents did the same for him and he's a Warlord now. If anything living on his own helped him out. For me, it's just the same, constant freedom and living from second to second, but I rarely get any rest out there."

"At least you" Ryuunosuke began in a low tone "get to wear that." Benten looked down at her garb, plate-mail all, and smiled.

"You want one?" she asked.

"Yes!" Ryuunosuke answered, unaware that Benten made a joke at her expense. That just made Benten laugh harder. "Hey, shut up!"

"Ryuu" Benten began, wiping her eyes, "tell me something." Benten took a second to get serious again and looked Ryuunosuke right in the eyes with her own sparkling, wildly feminine eyes. "Just what is femininity to you?"

"Eh?" Ryuunosuke grunted. She cupped her chin and scratched her jaw with her index finger to think. She hummed and looked up at the sky. "Well, I guess it's being girly, you know? Eathing politely and talking politely and uh...um, eating cakes all the time...hmm...I guess being able to cook nice food?" Benten was just staring at Ryuunosuke as if she were a child innocently with her toys. Ryuunosuke noticed her smile and became uncomfortable, falling into a momentary silence as she stared Benten down. "What!?" she suddenly shouted, forcing Benten to chuckle.

"You really don't know" Benten said "the first thing about being a woman, do you?" Ryuunosuke blinked. She had the feeling that somehow the super-jockish woman in front of her, one whom she could spar with and never really win, had some well-hidden knowledge about being a woman. Ryuunosuke curled up and leaned in to listen. "There isn't any gold standard for womanhood, you know. Or motherhood. As long as you can raise your children with love you'll succeed in the end, even if they hate you." Ryuunosuke kept her eyes half-closed and her eyebrows high. "It's true!" Benten defended.

"You know" Ryuunosuke started "I don't think I should take advice about this from you. I mean, you fight all the time, you're handy with a bike, you don't show any interest in guys no matter who they are, you carry around more than twice your weight in guns and just look at you! If you turned the wrong way someone could see the rest of you boobs!" Benten looked down and started turning her chest without moving her head. "KNOCK THAT OFF!!!" Benten just chuckled at Ryuu's impatience.

"You may be manly" Benten said "but you know that you're a girl inside. And you know what? That's all that really matters. If I gave a crap about what other people thought about me not only would I have never ridden on a bike before but you and I might have never met at all!"

"Really?" Ryuunosuke asked. "How's that so?"

"Because" Benten said "the day I realized who I was I started making decisions for myself. I never thought about other people when I did things that I liked, not even my friends. Well, sometimes, they're different. But I made myself a woman based on what I thought a woman was: a proud, strong and independent girl who can stare the world in the face without flinching."

"Well you're lucky" Ryuunosuke said, still remaining as pessimistic about herself as always. "You must have had a great role model to build that belief off of. I've never even had any friends who were girls who would believe I wasn't a guy! You know what most of the girls at school still think, even though everyone knows I'm a guy?"

"Who cares?" Benten asked. "I probably know what the girls at your school think of me, but I'm gonna show up and interrupt them anyway, menace or not."

"The wordplay was harsher" Ryuunosuke said "than just 'menace'. More like 'hussy' and 'show-off'."

"Geez" Benten huffed. "Are all schoolgirls that prudent?" Ryuunosuke laughed now that Benten was finally on the end of a joke like that. She had gotten tired of constantly being at the receiving end of such jokes regarding her own prudence and sexual regard. "That's how I think and you still see me as more feminine than you. Now, how do you think it'd go over if you tried thinking like me?" Ryuunosuke gave that offer considerable thought, then made a snap decision by crushing her tea cup in her bare hand.

"Alright" she said confidently. "I got it now!" She glared up at the sky with a shaking, balled fist and started shouting in the manliest way she could. Benten got up next to her and started shouting as well, pulling out a gun and firing it into the air. "GAH! Watch it!!!"

"Oops!" Benten said, chuckling in embarrassment. "My bad! Got too excited again! Hehe..."

* * *

"Thanks for the food" the Fujinami family said.

"Hell yeah!" Benten added. "Hot rice!" Benten started shoveling food into her mouth with complete disregard for anything that could be defined as womanly manners. She sat across from Mr. Fujinami with Ryuunosuke at her right and Nagisa at her left, eating the already meager meal of the poor family.

"Hey!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "No one invited you to join us, you know!?"

"But my bike's shot" Benten happily argued as she ate. "I can't just sleep in the streets, can I?"

"Of course you can" Ryuunosuke said. "You're a tough girl. You'll be just fine out there."

"Ah, Ryuunosuke" Benten said, shaking her head and leaning away. "How cruel of you. Is that any way to treat a hungry young lady?"

"That's right, Ryuunosuke" her father said calmly. "Treat this woman with some respect boy. Have I taught you nothing?" Ryuunosuke growled briefly, then glanced at a winking Benten and went about eating her rice and fish slices. Nagisa's glace shifted uneasily, going from one person to another as he hid his face in his shallow bowl of rice.

_I don't like this_ Nagisa thought. _My Ryuunosuke may be flirting with this...bare-chested harlot and father isn't doing anything to stop it. I may be up to me to stop such perverse acts at our sacred family dinner table. Perhaps getting closer to Ryuunosuke might increase her attraction to me?_ Nagisa edged himself a little closer to the table and used his own definition of getting closer by leaning in and trying to bite the fish that hung in the grip of Ryuunosuke's chopsticks. Ryuu pulled it away as Nagisa bit and glowered at him. "Aahh~~" Nagisa hummed.

One nasty lump later Nagisa had resumed his dainty, feminine eating position, watching the manly Benten scarf down dish after dish of food until it was down to just her and Ryuunosuke over the last piece of fish. Mr. Fujinami eyed it as well, and in the tradition of the fighting family Nagisa furrowed his brow. A fight was about to ensue.

"HOLY HELL!!!" Benten shouted, standing up from the table and pointing to the sky outside the window. "What in all creation is THAT!?!?!?"

"WHERE?" Mr. Fujinami shouted, leaping up to the window to get a glance.

"I don't see it!" Nagisa shouted, falling for the trick as well. Nagisa noticed just too late that Ryuunosuke and Benten hadn't fallen for seeing whatever there was to see. _Oh no!_ He thought. _Now they are alone at the dinner table! I may have already failed! They could be batting perverted looks to each other as I stand and breathe!!!_

"Thanks for that" Ryuunosuke said. Benten gave her a wink and stole from her father's plate. "Hey! I was gonna do that!"

"Too late, bud" Benten mocked. She slurped up her bounty and grinned while Ryuunosuke took on a combative friendly face, a sneer with a smile.

"Why you" she growled, preparing to steal from Benten. Benten offered her a free shot with her chopsticks and arms drawn away. Ryuunosuke saw it as a friendly motion but Nagisa saw it as a blatant opening and delivered a flat foot straight to Benten's face and sent her rolling into the wall. Her noodles spilled on the floor. Ryuunosuke was pissed.

"You were open" Nagisa said. Ryuunosuke grabbed him by the short of his ponytail and whipped his head to the floor.

"No kicking across the damn table!!!" she shouted.

"No wasting fooooood!" Mr. Fujinami shouted as he drifted in with a martial arts pose.

"You wanna go already!?" Ryuunosuke shouted, standing up in her own pose.

"This is fun!" Benten said, holding two space-age pistols to their heads. "Let's see who can move faster than a speeding bullet!" Ryuunosuke looked to the side, not breaking her manly glare while her father froze up and started to sweat. He somehow teleported back to his place and noisily finished his meager meal.

"Come come" he said. "The dinner table is no place for fighting." Ryuunosuke and Benten fell straight down, an unfortunate move, as Nagisa took the opportunity to get Benten in a full-figure leg lock, clanking her metal boots together.

"Take this!" Nagisa said. Benten groaned but bared it until Ryuunosuke came over and grabbed Nagisa with a fist under his chest and pushed. His breath was gone and his grip weakened. Ryuunosuke gave him a full suplex and let his head slam through the weak tatami mats and wood flooring.

"What a joke" Ryuunosuke said, clutching her fists. "Come on! You really want to fight me now? I've had training!"

"No you haven't" Benten bluntly said.

"SHUT UP!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "He doesn't need to know that!"

"I need to save you from yourself!" Nagisa said as he set himself up painlessly for more combat. "You're leading yourself down a terrible road of self-sabotage! For the sake of our relationship, Ryuunosuke my dear, I will beat the living crap out of you!"

"Jeez" Benten said.

"What the hell are you talking about!?" Ryuunosuke demanded.

"I'm fine with this" her father said. "Ryuunosuke may have as many suitors as he wants. It's only healthy for a man to sleep around before committing."

"**SHUT IT!!!**" Ryuunosuke shouted. Benten chuckled and stood up, wrapping her arm around Ryuunosuke and making her blush.

"Aw," Benten began, keeping herself from laughing, "I'm flattered. I didn't think I was your type."

"My son was raised" Mr. Fujinami said, butting in suddenly "to appreciate women for their strength and teir bodies. He's a man among men!"

"**ORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!**"

* * *

One destructive rampage later we join the Moroboshi household in an alternately average night at home.

"And now" the TV announcer began "our most popular segment here on our wi-wi-wide show. We turn to our missing person's segment with one of our frequently featured parents and his guest. Sir?"

"RYUUNOSUKE!!!!" Mr. Fujinami shouted. "Come home now! Your wife is hysterical!!!"

"Oh my dear!" Nagisa shouted over his shoulder, "Please come home! I promise never to be too cruel or too loving to you again!"

"Maybe" Lum began "you two should go home soon."

"I'm not complaining" Ataru said. "You can stay as long as you like, Ryuu-chan!"

"Cram it!" Ryuunosuke growled. She sat at the table with Lum, Ten, Benten and Ataru in his home, using it as a safe-haven from her father. Benten stayed with her as she still had no bike to take her elsewhere. "This ain't exactly heaven for me, y'know!"

"I bet heaven" Benten began "involves a lot more fighting for you, eh?"


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Ryuunosuke Uncovers the Great Dappya Conspiracy!!

* * *

It had been a few days since Ryuunosuke and by attachment Benten moved into the Moroboshi household. Ataru didn't mind, in fact he quite enjoyed it, but Lum was getting more and more furious at his un-gentlemanly advances. He had even taken the excessive time and energy to drill a hole into the bathroom wall and construct a stealthy cover for peeping but Lum discovered him too quickly and he received a three-fold beating of womanly power. Now he couldn't get out of bed without Ryuunosuke's assistance as she was the only one strong enough to help him up _and_ beat him down.

"Ryuunosuke?" Mrs. Moroboshi called.

"Yeah?" she answered, coming swiftly down the stairs.

"I'm sorry" she said "but can you run out to the market and pick up some fresh onions? I'm all out."

"Oh, no problem" Ryuunosuke said. She took the money and left as the general chaos and uncouthness of the house had finally gotten to her. Benten was upstairs, playing cards with Lum when she left, but Ataru was in the same room so she knew nothing good could come.

She looked quite handsome walking down the street in her borrowed clothes. A long-sleeve shirt of broad black-and-green stripes left over from Christmas and some tight jeans to accentuate her feminine figure from the waist down. She kept the money in her pocket and her hands on the money, untrusting of society as a whole, and walked down the road into the market street at last.

"Let's see" she mused, looking into the grocer's window. "What kind of onions did she want? Ah...I guess if she usually goes here the guy inside should know what she wants, right? I'll just say it's for her." Ryuunosuke entered the store just as a scuffle broke out on the street.

"Ah, yeah?" one delinquent said to another. "I bet I can jump higher than you!" So he jumped, bent his knees in the air and landed right in front of the store. He had a pimpled face and squinting eyes that he kept under a tuft of hair sticking out of a beret hat.

"That's nothing" the other said, jumping into frame as well.

"That wasn't higher!" the first said, leaning in and pressing as close to the larger, wider, and taller delinquent with the pompador and leather jacket as he could.

"Was so!" the fat one said.

"Face it Toshiro" the first, ratty one said. "No one is badder at our school than me!"

"Fah!" Toshiro shouted with a wide mouth and a flicking tongue. "You mean no one's as much of a whiner at school than you! Watanabe you poser!"

"Who's a poser!?" Watanabe demanded. Toshior turned around and looked up calmly.

"You heard me" he said.

"Take that back!" Watanabe exclaimed, jumping onto Toshiro and yanking at his thick neck. Toshiro tried to wiggle him off but ended up dancing in the street instead. "You want a poser? I'll pose all over you're neck!"

"You ain't got class!" Toshiro shouted, grabbing his friend and chucking him forward into a passing cart. He rose up out of the pasted tomatoes, waited for the to drip from his angry head and picked one particularly large one out of the bunch.

"What a thing to say" Watanabe said. "Look who's got tomato on his face!"

"You mean egg!" a random civilian said. Watanabe wound up and threw the tomato with full force, missing as Toshiro ducked out of the way. The tomato continued sailing through the air until it hit the turning, inattentive head of Ryuunosuke who had just exited the store with a fresh bundle of welsh onions in a bag. Toshiro and Watanabe looked at her, who they thought was a barrel-chested he, with great anxiety. Ryuunosuke made no effort to scrape the fruit away. She let it drip off her to slowly reveal her rather calm anger with twitching brow and head-vein complete.

"You two..." she growled. They both tensed up and tried to retreat a few steps back, but it was all in vain. "**GO PICK A FIGHT AT HOME, YOU BASTAAAARDS!!!!**" She made a tandem connection with her fist and sent them both into orbit, far form the public view. Then she started cursing softly and wiped away the tomato with her sleeves, ignoring the fact that the shirt wasn't hers.

"Here" a girly voice offered, handing her a handkerchief.

"Ah, thanks" Ryuunosuke said. "Don't leave til you get this back, alright? I don't want to have to return it to you like some crummy love story. It's happened before."

"I know" Ran said. "I was there." Ryuunosuke looked up and saw the red-headed girl standing oh-so politely with a dainty smile on her face. Ryuunosuke straightened up immediately and tried to make herself more presentable to someone who she thought was a glimmering example of femininity. "Hi there, Ryuu-Ryuu" Ran greeted. "Whatcha doin'?"

_She's so cute!_ Ryuunosuke exclaimed. "Uh, just out shoppin' for the Moroboshis."

"EEEHHHH?" Ran growled. She had broken her cutesy calm just at the mention of Lum's adoptive name but before Ryuunosuke could notice she snapped right back and dimpled her cheeks with her fingers.

* * *

"I see" Ryuunosuke said as she walked along with Ran. "So, how long have you been an alien?"

"I told you that in confidence, got it?" Ran said, still maintaining her cute mood. "Lum doesn't want anyone to know that lil' Ran's an alien. It might encite a riot of sorts!"

"No one ever riots against aliens" Ryuunosuke said. "In fact, lots of people don't seem to mind them at all." Ryuunosuke looked away from her traveling companion to watch a Dappya Monster in his environmental suit walking along with a backpack on. He was heading into the market obviously for some trading business based on his gait and the apparent weight of his satchel. Three more came running while holding a long piece of some kind of material above their heads.

"Oh, no one minds them" Ran said. "They're everywhere, though. Even in sub-space, Dappya Monsters all own the less important checkpoint stores."

"Checkpoints?" Ryuunosuke asked.

"Places in the long, long roads" Ran explained "where a traveler can sleep or where the inter-dimensional police inspect suspicious people who may be fleeing the law!"

"I know what they are" Ryuunosuke said "...well, now I do. I wonder why, though."

"No one knows" Ran said.

"Where do these guys come from?" Ryuunosuke asked.

"I can't rightly say" Ran said, pouting her lip and looking towards her head. "You know, now that I think about it, I'm not at all sure where Dappya men come from...no one's ever wondered that hard to begin with." Ryuunosuke found one scurrying along in a little rush and stopped him politely with her foot to his helmet face. He panicked and fell right over.

"Wha-What'dya want, Dappya!?" he shouted. Ryuunosuke crouched down and got up close to its face. It shrank away the closer she got.

"Hey" she greeted. "Sorry to bother you, but I'm really curious. Where do you Dappya-guys come from?" The monster blinked and stood back up.

"Well" it began, "we reproduce through eggs, Dappya. When a man-Dappya and a woman-Dappya-"

"SPARE ME!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "I know how biology works, dammit, what planet are you guys from!?"

"Yeah!" Ran said, equally fierce. "Tell us or we're taking you to my home to make fish fillet!" Ryuunosuke looked back surprised, which forced Ran to panic back into her dimpled cute mode.

"Ah, well" the monster began, "that's an entirely different question, Dappya. We all come from planet Dappya, obviously, an all-water planet where we live at the bottom of the ocean, Dappya. We came from far across space to colonize other worlds but couldn't find one with a suitable water to land ratio, Dappya. Our species developed these suits to help us breath above water, Dappya, and now those of here on Earth are amassing funds to purchase a small area of land below water to create a new colony." Ryuunosuke and Ran shared a few blank blinks. Ryuunosuke got up and turned to Ran.

"That's pretty uncommon in space" she said, "right?"

"How should I know?" Ran said, quite shocked and at a loss of words. "I've never heard a story like that before. I assumed they just had that annoying habit of popping up wherever they want _whenever_ they want like Darling does."

"I'm gonna be late, Dappya~~!" he shakily shouted. He continued running in broad hops of his stout legs, tripping occasionally until he was out of sight. Ryuunosuke and Ran just stared off into the distance blankly until a unison thought reached through their heads and they looked at each other with a nod to confirm it. They both went dashing off in the direction of the Dappya-Monster to follow it closely and find out its imminent plans of capital gain. If they were just then there would be no problem, but if the planet were threatened Ryuunosuke was prepared to take up her fists in a righteous cause.

Ran wanted to find their headquarters as she believed an aquatic race would have expert methods of fish and other marine-life food preparation, something she hadn't done in a while, and wanted to surprise Rei with her cooking on their next date.

* * *

"Here it is" Ryuunosuke said as she crouched low behind a garbage can. Ran was low behind her, refusing to sinking so low as to hide behind an actual trash can for such a minor purpose. The Dappya men were all marching one-by-one into a door in an alley that led into an old, unpurchased shop at the center of the shopping arcade on Tomobiki street.

"What are they doing?" Ran asked.

"Looks like a meeting" Ryuunosuke said. "We can't figure out what they're doing if we can't get in, but it looks like it's a Dappya-only sort of meeting."

"Oh, really?" Ran said slyly. She looked out into the street and ran off in one direction.

"Hey, Ran!" Ryuunosuke called in a hush. She snapped her fingers, assuming Ran had run off at the prospect of eventual combat, and made herself a plan. "Looks like it's up to me now. I'll just have to fight them off and bust their schemes wide open with my own two fists!" Ryuunosuke hopped out of her cover and into a long dash with her fists tightly knotted up. "Hyaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!" The Dappya-Monsters never saw it coming, despite her screaming. With one high-sailing kick she blew away three of them, and with a straight jab down she knocked one into another and sent both into a wall. She reposed herself and heard the battle-cry (actually a panicked scream) behind her. She turned on a dime and delivered a too-fast-to-follow kick to the creature's shoulder. It took a few seconds before the hit fully registered and then the Dappya fell to the ground while Ryuunosuke spun her leg up over her head and brought it calmly back down to the ground. She exhaled and calmed herself down from the sudden rush of beating so many helpless little men down with her iron fists of fury and looked back down the alley where she heard running footsteps.

"Dappya~!" Ran cutely said through a huge fish-man mask. "Tee-hee! Just kidding. Lil' Ran thought we could wear there disguises and sneak in undetec-UGH!" Her voice went from cute and girlish to masculine and threatening with just one look of the scattered remains of Ryuunosuke's conquest. "HEY! What the hell's the matter with you, you macho-woman freak!? Why'd you beat them all up!?!?" Ryuunosuke looked at the costumes, then all around her, then angrily smashed her palm into her forehead and muttered obscenities. Ran draped a costume over her while she teared up over the bruise she made a shook her fist with rage.

"There there" Ran said. "It's okay. Sometimes we can't help but hurt the one's we love, even if there is no love between us..." After a short pep talk and swift hiding of the bodies the girls were dressed up like golden Koi fish with legs and fishbowl helmets. Ryuunosuke had her own very verbally abusive opinions about the costumes but they seemed to be working as she and Ran had progressed straight into what looked like a meeting hall.

"Dappya" a tally-marker greeted.

"Dappya~" Ran cutely replied.

"**Dapp-YAH!"** Ryuunosuke half-shouted. He didn't flinch, just put down two more marks on the sheet.

"Hey!" Ran whispered, "are you trying to scare these guys and blow our cover? Say it cutely, like a girl would!"

"But they're monster's right?" Ryuunosuke asked.

"What kind of monsters" Ran began "did you grow up with? Giant lizards and tentacled horrors!?"

"Be seated!" the leading Dappya, one behind a podium wearing pop-on antenna on his helmet. "Dappya!" he called out to the shall crowd.

"Dappya!" they all called back, except Ryuunosuke who doubted her abilities to do it in a girly voice too long and missed her chance.

"Esteemed workers" he began, speaking in the exact same voice as every other member of his species, "we have gathered here for one reason!"

_This is it!_ Ryuunosuke thought. _Now to find ut what they're planning..._

_This is pointless_ Ran thought. She got up and prepared to sneak in the back. _I wonder where they keep their recipe books...?_

"We are gathered here" the leader said once more "to finalize our plans!" One Dappya stood up near Ryuunosuke, who was on uneasy guard, and held out a paper sheet.

"The taiyaki shop next to Mach Speed Noodles" the Dappya began "has agreed to settle with us. The adjoining ramen joint has already hired four Dappyas into their regular staff, one of them being the lead cook on duty. With that we've successfully taken residence in the central area of the Street." The Dappya sat down, leaving Ryuunosuke confused, and another stood up.

"We've completely taken the park" the Dappya said happily. "All the food carts are now owned and operated by Dappya-workers!"

"Dappya!" the room called.

"Ah, that's great" the leader said with a short sigh. "Now that we've gotten that part underway, it's only a matter of time until out union gains a majority rule and I, as our elected union leader, can run for market-union office!"

"Dappya!" the room cheered once more.

"That's it!" Ryuunosuke shouted, standing up and tearing her costume apart. She stood in her Christmas shirt with an angry stance and her arms out. "I don't know what the hell you're planning but dammit I'm not letting you take over the town! You're not even that threatening, you're barely monsters!!!" Ryuunosuke took a fighting stance with one hand as a claw above her face and the other drawn back at her waist as a fist. "**Come on, you monsters!!!**"

"Wait a sec!" the leader declared, drawing back in fear, "What's going on!?"

"Did the market union send you?" a Dappya asked. Ryuunosuke began once again kicking and thrashing every alien ass in the room while Ran was in the kitchen apathetically stealing secrets.

"What's all this crap?" Ran asked as she scanned through the books. Each book was printed in the Dappya language, crude crayon drawings of ingredients, timers and finished dishes drawn with brighter colors and happy families eating them. "What am I, a little kid? Stuff like this shouldn't sold out of a damn dumpster..."

* * *

Finally, at long last, Ryuunosuke returned with the onions and the shame she brought on herself from beating a defenseless room of aspiring traders. It turned out the Dappya men were attempting to acquire as much of the profitable land as they could in Tomobiki by renting and leasing out old or failing businesses. Their plans were to remarket the original products, such as ramen and taiyaki, with an alien-improved image, when really they were just replacing the staff with themselves or making the original staff act like mind-controlled slaves while the Dappya managed finances and kept books.

In short, for exchange of doing managerial duties, the Dappya men would take over the Tomobiki market at little to no cost of employment. Those losing their jobs were finely reimbursed and ensured excellent referencing provided the Dappya-Monster union leader got elected in the summer election. He was weighed against Japanese merchants who had all won before, but his cute-appeal and the myriad of posters that were posted nearly over night in already Dappya-heavy populous areas like the park and the middle of town. Ryuunosuke noticed them on her way back, even one in front of the Moroboshi house, where he was winking and giving a peace-sign with his fins at the camera with a blue star-speckled background that read, simply, '~DAPPYA~'

With a sigh Ryuunosuke returned to her surrogate home and closed the home tiredly. Beating helpless creatures took it all out of her. Ran had already gone home a long time ago to test out the Dappya recopies to determine their true worthlessness as a cooking culture. She placed the he dish of questionable breaded content on a table and leaned back, sniffling slightly, and took a chomp of the food. She swallowed it and blinked. Then she made another more delicate chomp and swallowed it, then made a girlish squeal and wiggle in her seat.

"Holy hell!" she cutely shouted. "That's amazing! Those fishies can really cook, can't they!?" She ate until she was full but wasn't satisfied. She didn't answer her phone for the next few days, as her rampant gorging had made her terribly bloated and sick...but such is life. In Tomobiki, for worse or better, friends all go along for the ride. Where one receives the pain of shame the other receives a battery of self-destruction at the hands of gourmet space-cooking. One word that best sums up the moral of this story is one lent by one of the greatest of civilizations:

**DAPPYA~!!**


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Night at Home. Can it get any more Peaceful?

* * *

Another day comes to a slow close at the Moroboshi abode. Ataru and his guests, some uninvited and others too-warmly-welcomed, sat up in his room where he wore a sly, sneaky grin behind a hand of cards. Ryuunosuke's brow twitched very visibly as she peered at her own cards with contempt. Both Ten and Benten looked at her cards and then looked back at Ataru's confident, goofy expression.

"Jeez" Benten groaned. "Can't you play cards at all?"

"Of course I can!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "I can play 'Old Maid'..."

"But we're playing Poker" Ataru reminded. "Strip poker." He let out his disgustingly perverted giggle at that and shook as he tittered. "You only lost one hand. Don't get too depressed!"

"Yeah" Ryuunosuke whispered "but I can't miss anymore...or else..."

"It's just a shirt, ya'know" Benten said. "You've got a wrap underneath, right?"

"Cram it!" Ryuunosuke shouted. She repositioned her cards, getting tenser and tenser, unaware that Ataru's hand wasn't anywhere near a winning one. He had been cheating the whole time, slipping cards from underneath the table, taken from the counted deck he hid in his shoes. Ten was eager for Ataru to win, of course, and Benten was waiting for Ryuunosuke to catch up to her and figure out that he was cheating the whole time. "I quit!" Ryuunosuke shouted, throwing her hand at Ataru. He caught the cards and placed them on the table, then compared them to his own.

"You lost, Ryuu-chan!" Ataru said. "Come on now!"

"No way!" Ryuunosuke shouted, shooting up to her feet. "I said I quit! I ain't playing your weird, pervert games!"

"Well" Benten said, standing up with her and placing a hand on her shoulder, "you _did_ technically throw your cards before you quit, so that hand's valid!"

"Yeah, yeah!" Ataru said, lurching up with grabby hands. "It's only fair! Take it off, it's the rules!" Ryuunosuke began her retreat but Benten stopped her and grabbed her from behind in an arm-lock.

"LEMME GO!" Ryuunosuke shouted. Ataru nearly pounced on her but he suddenly heard the door to his room open. Then his instincts set in. Not the lustful, perverted instincts but the natural ones that pique at lethal danger approaching. The door began opening and everything was set back to normal once again. Ataru sat across from Ten this time playing Old Maid while Benten and Ryuunosuke pretended to watch on opposites sides. Somehow, by some cruel twist of fate, Ryuunosuke wound up on Ataru's side.

"Darling!" Lum called, opening the door with a box full of what seemed to be disorganized alien junk. "Look what I brought down form my ship!"

"Oh, hi Lum!" Ataru greeted, a bit off on the timing. "Well, what is it there?" His tension was palpable and Ryuunosuke glared him down as he acted his way out of trouble yet again.

"Looks like haz-mat equipment" Benten said, standing up to peer inside.

"Nope" Lum said, waving a finger. "It's 3-D solar-system simulation model! The commercial I ordered it form said it was a perfect activity for couples to come together with!"

"So who's it for?" Ataru asked. Every so often he had a slip like that where his mind trailed off into a dangerously dry area of humor. Ryuunosuke crawled away to avoid the lightning, but surprisingly none came. Lum set the box on the table and hugged Ataru instead, and what's more she was giggling happily.

"Oh, you silly Darling!" Lum said. "It's for us, of course!"

"You don't say" Ataru said, feigning a pleasant expression as hard as he could.

"Hey" Benten interrupted. "I was thinking, my bike's nearly fixed at that lot where I'm repairing it, so why don't we all go out tonight? It may be the last chance we get together for a while, Lum."

"You sure?" Lum said. "Why wouldn't you want to stick around longer?" Benten's eyes drifted to the side. The reason was as obvious as it was obnoxious to her but it wasn't the only one. She sighed, unable to organize all her excuses, and gave the least offensive one she could think of.

"You know me" Benten said. "I'm a drifter. Leaving once I've become an accustomed part of people's lives. It's just what I've gotta do."

"You're gonna bum off Oyuki next" Ryuunosuke predicted. Benten tuck out her tongue and smiled.

"She's got a huge cooking staff!" Benten said, thinking of that wonderful feast she would get to enjoy. "Besides, she never throws me into debt or anything! I just test-drive a couple experimental vehicles for her once in a while and I get all the free digs I want!"

"Isn't it great here?" Lum said, latching herself to an uncomfortable, defiant Ataru. The silence of the room was the obvious answer.

"Are you coming, Ryuu?" Benten asked. Ryuunosuke pointed to herself in confusion. "Those two obviously ain't going. They've got a...thing to build."

"No!" Ataru protested. "We're going, right Lum?"

"If Benten wants a going-away party" Lum stubbornly said "she should have it here, with her friends."

"My friends" Benten retorted "here, who live with their in-laws, don't have any booze! Come on, Ryuu, no one's gonna card you!"

"Eh?" Ryuunosuke grunted. She was being pulled away by the collar and grabbed onto the nearest thing she could to stop her. Unfortunately she grabbed Ten, who paddled halepessly in the air as he was inadvertently dragged along for a night of rambunctious binge drinking with a biker-babe from outer space. Lum flew after them to catch up but barely saw their backsides racing down the street.

"BenTEEEEEN!" Lum shouted into the twilight sky, "If Ten gets hurt or drunk I'm gonna make sure you never get past the moon!!!"

"Where are they off to at this hour?" Mrs. Moroboshi asked.

"Better you don't know" Lum said with a defeated voice. She hovered around and saw her in-laws all dressed up in casual clothes as if they were going to travel. "Where are _you _going, mother?"

"Oh" Mrs. Moroboshi began, "I got a call from a friend of mine in Butsumetsu. Her daughter's very sick and she's out on business, so we're going there to look after her."

"And her fridge is fully stocked" Mr. Moroboshi shamelessly added. "Since that Benten girl started staying here I've eaten nothing but scraps from everyone's dinner plates." He suddenly went from timid and incidental in tone to preaching and slightly enraged. "I do all the work, bring in all the money, pay for every meal little by little and that very food is **stolen** straight from my **MOUTH!!!**" Then he went straight back to his regular, passive tone and expression. "We're trusting the house to you and Ataru for the night."

"EH!?" Ataru shouted from the doorway. "Wa-wait a sec! Take me with you!"

"No way" his mother said. "You'll eat all the food before us! Lum, keep him on a short leash."

"Alright" Lum said. She saw them off, holding Ataru from chasing them down with a leg-lock around his throat, and waved cheerfully as they walked to the train station...

* * *

_And so_ Ataru thought _the stage is set for terror._

"What'cha thinking about, Darling?" Lum asked.

"Who knows" Ataru coldly replied. Now that they were along Ataru shifted into his defensive mood, trying his best to make sure he did nothing to make Lum overly amorous. Still, as he read his latest digest on trendy TV premiers and eccentric celebrities he couldn't ignore the lovely head of hair pressed against his chest. He shifted uncomfortably but Lum stayed with him, arms wrapped around his shoulders, glued with love to her darling. She gave a comfy sigh and nuzzled in closer to his chest, forcing his eyelids to shiver and his mouth to curl with grand discomfort.

Minutes passed like this until Lum took the box of alien mechanics from the edge of the table and pushed it closer to the center.

"Darling?" she cooed, nudging his shoulder. He didn't respond, so she clasped her hands together and brushed against him with her side. "Da~~~rling?" she cooed, even more amorously. Ataru's spine shook and he turned his back to her. She brushed against him twice more, looking from the corner of her eye neutrally, then decided to hug him from behind. The danger senses in his head went berserk and he nearly tore his magazine apart at the spine. "Can we build the model now, Darling?"

"Go ahead" Ataru said.

"It's for both of us" Lum said, placing her chin on his shoulder. He shrugged it away gently and scooted himself away from her.

"I'm busy" Ataru argued. "I'm studying!"

"No you aren't" Lum said. She realized that she wouldn't easily win against her Darling's extreme stubbornness and that her own patience was at its limit, so she took a long, deep breath to calm down. She decided the model could wait and got up to go out of the room. She left silently as the door was already ajar, and floated on down to the stairs. Ataru didn't notice a thing until he felt a regularity around his back. He turned and saw that Lum was gone, then got up and looked around the room for her, starting with the ceiling.

"Lum?" he asked. "Lum?" he called.

"What, Darling?" Lum answered from downstairs. Ataru nodded in realization and went back to his magazine.

"Get me some rice cakes!" Ataru called.

"That's what I'm doing!" Lum called back. A few moments later after Ataru speed-read through his magazine Lum returned with a plate of chocolate-flavored rice cakes and two cups of tea, one for each of them.

"Thanks Lum" Ataru said, taking his tea and a cake. He threw the whole thing into his mouth and noisily chewed it while Lum bit one in half and politely pushed the rest into her mouth. They ate silently, aside from the crunching and sipping, then somehow managed to wind up leaning against each other, back to back. Lum sighed with comfort and heard Ataru do the same, though he caught himself after and nearly flew into a panic.

_This is bad_ Ataru thought. He turned his head to see her glancing at him from the side. She smiled and tilted her head at him. Unconsciously, he smiled back before turning with his face tense with panic. _She's getting too close and I'm getting too comfortable with it! I need to reestablish boundaries with her before she does something totally reckless...or before **I** do something reckless!_

"Say Lum" Ataru began, "shouldn't you try to go out looking for Ten? I mean, out with two girls trying to drink at bars, who knows what kind of trouble he'll get into."

"Are you joking?" Lum said. "I'm counting on him to reign in Benten and make sure she doesn't get into trouble. Besides, Ryuunosuke can protect him. She'd see it as paying us back if she saved my little cousin."

"That's true" Ataru hesitantly agreed. He shifted anxiously, rubbed at his cheek, then after much unnecessary movement Lum turned him around and latched herself onto his arm.

"Calm down Darling" she said, sedating him with her voice. "I'm not planning anything bad. I promise. I just want to be close to you. It feels like it's been a while since we got to just sit together like this..."

"Well" Ataru began, "to my immediate recollection, we've never sat together like this."

"Sure we have" Lum said, snuggling in closer. "You just don't want to remember." Ataru couldn't argue with that point and he didn't want to try. Even his mind fell for the trap that her body had set. He was calm, peaceful, and above that enjoying being with Lum, alone, for the first time he really _could_ remember. He leaned in with her, causing her to move up and wrap her arms around his neck, and kept that pose for as long as he dared.

A solid half-hour of mutual enjoyment passed. The sun left the sky, finally, and nightfall descended upon the quiet Tomobiki town. Ataru's eyes were getting heavy as the hours became late. He looked down and noticed Lum taking a deep yawn, then grinned as she squeaked and groaned it out. Several thoughts passed through his head, only one being set into verbal action.

"Maybe" Ataru said "we should go to bed?"

"mm-mm" Lum denied. Ataru was confused and put his body back on full alert. He lifted his one arm out from her grip, forcing her to vice herself around his chest instead, then he got aggrivated. He pushed at her head but she zapped him and startled him into stopping. He shook off the stun and pushed at her once more, but she just giggled and pushed forward enough to get him on the ground. Now his body entered a state of panic and he automaticaally reacted by reaching for the nearest blunt instrument to swing at her with.

"Ahh!" Ataru shouted as he struggled away. For one brief moment he escaped but Lum darted forward and tackled him once more. "GAAAHHH!!! GET OFF!!!"

"NO!" Lum shouted. "I'm not done yet!"

"It's been long enough!" Ataru argued. "Let me go!"

"NO!" Lum protested, clinging harder and wrapping around him with her legs. He was free to run until she heel-jabbed him dangerously close to his groin and stunned him just before he reached his door.

"Demons out!" Ataru chanted. "Good luck in!!!"

* * *

After their 'struggle' Ataru decided it would be best if they went straight to bed. Therefore, Ataru went downstairs with his futon and pillow to sleep in the living room while Lum stayed upstairs, alone and guilt-ridden. She had upset her husband and placed a tremendous burden on herself to move past his stubbornness and try to earn his forgiveness.

"GAAAHHH!!!!" Lum roared suddenly, throwing her arms and legs up into the air. "Why should I apologize to him!? He's just being the same, stupid, distant, un-romantic slob that he always is! How's it my fault!?" Lum collapsed onto her side and glared at the dark floor. She always longed to sleep there only to watch the morning sun lift open her eyes with its warm kiss, granting the first conscious vision of her day to be the still-sleeping face of her beloved. Now that opportunity was completely gone and she had no reason to be sleeping where her Darling was supposed to.

In a heated instant she made her decision. She stood right up, wobbled due to headrush, and began marching to the door. Flying would make things less dramatic. She wanted to storm downstairs on her own two feet, confront Ataru and really apologize with the most lovely and seductive face she could possibly manage!

"Wait" Lum thought aloud, "that won't work. Darling's immune to my charms...I need to get his forgiveness some other way..." After a second of thought Lum realized the easiest way to her man's heart.

Ataru reclined into his hand, elbow on the table, watching television downstairs. For some strange reason he couldn't calm down enough to get to sleep. It was past mid-night, the time when most strange things happen in general mythology, so he decided to wait out the night for Benten and Ryuunosuke to return. He stretched away his tiredness and gave a contradictory yawn. He sensed some strange presence behind him and turned, eyes half open. It was Lum, standing with a sweet, apologetic smile and her hands behind her back, holding something.

"What?" Ataru asked coldly. Lum walked over, sat next to him and he recoiled away.

"I deserve that" Lum said. She took what was behind her back, a wicker basket covered with a piece of checkerboard cloth, and offered it to Ataru. Food, the ultimate, wordless apology. "I'm sorry, Darling" Lum said. "Can you accept this and-"

"Thanks!" Ataru said, greedily taking the basket and uncovering the food within. He looked it over, picking up slices of buttered sweet-bread and finely crafted sandwiches, giving them a cold analytical eye. "Did you-?" he began.

"You mother made them" Lum said. "I've been keeping them in a temporal stasis field, frozen in time, so they would stay fresh until we could go on a romantic picnic...but, well, I can understand if you don't want to do anything romantic in a while. I was out of line."

"For doing what?" Ataru asked, mouth already full with a sandwich. He began eating the moment he realized Lum didn't prepare the food.

"For shocking you" Lum said "and refusing to stop hugging you when you didn't want me to."

"That's nothing new" Ataru said. "I'm not mad about that, anyway. I just don't want Ryuu-chan and Benten to think we abandoned them so quickly." Ataru looked and noticed Lum wasn't fixated on his face. She was watching her hands as she nervously twiddled with her fingers in her lap. Ataru took the initiative, gulping back the piece of bread still hanging from his mouth, and fully turned to her, placing his hand with hers. She looked up and saw him smiling.

"Lum" Ataru began, "there's not a lot of things I can get angry at you for. You don't give me much leeway sometimes but I respect that. It doesn't mean I'm gonna stop doing stuff that gets me zapped. Every time you zap me though you aren't angry at me. You get it all out with one quick blast. I like that about you, a lot. I can't bear people who hold long-standing grudges. You don't have to apologize for zapping me, ever, but I would wish that you don't do it when we're hugging or kissing. That just takes the enjoyment out of it for me." Lum took all the carefully-worded sincerity he gave her with happy eyes and snatched his hand in her loving grip. She brought it up to her chest and rolled into him, nuzzling him hard. Ataru freed his hand, she regained her own arms and they hugged once more.

"I get it" Lum said, holding him as tight as her muscles would allow. "No zapping."

"Right" Ataru said. "And while I've got you here, why don't we lay down some more ground rules about spontaneous hugs and kisses and whatnot, like none ever?"

"Deal with it" Lum cooed. "I'm going to hug you whenever I want."

"Fine" Ataru said, "but no random kisses! I need to keep my pride."

"What pride?" Lum said. "You'd sell your pride for a beef bowl."

"Probably" Ataru admitted, looking to the ceiling. While they joked back and forth, becoming increasingly more comfortable, the night waned on and the people of the streets thinned to the usual rare sighting of a drunken fool staggering home. This night, if one looked hard enough, the sight of a sober hard-headed young girl dragging a staggeringly drunken, violent girl in one hand and holding a sleeping baby in the other could be seen. Ryuunosuke stomped down the street while Benten sang drunken alien songs in her sleep. She was totally blacked out, unaware of her surroundings, and utterly smashed. Ryuunosuke was no pleased as she had to headbutt the door open to keep her footing in case her drunken fried began struggling away.

"Sh'okay" Benten mumbled. "Ryuu, it'sh jusht breastsh. Show em! SHOW EM!!!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" Ryuunosuke shouted, throwing Benten to the floor where she lost consciousness and slept. She tossed Ten onto Benten as well, he floating gently into her metal-plated breasts and snuggling into them, the perverted little child he was. "Man, that was annoying! I'm never going out with you again, you dumbass! You got my shirt soaking wet!" Ryuunosuke took the bottom of her shirt and tried to ring it out, although it was already wrung out to hell and back. "Dammit..." Ryuunosuke heard some girlish tittering from the main room and stepped toward it. She crouched down, trying to be stealthy for some reason. She opened the door just the slightest bit and saw Ataru and Lum, close together, feeding each other with playful smiles.

Her pupils receded and became tiny, her legs straightened out of surprise and her face became deathly serious.

_What the hell!?_ Ryuunosuke thought. _Are they...with...what....how......what's going on!?_ Ryuunosuke anxiously took her stealthy position once more and continued to watch them sit together. They ran out of food, which made Ataru visibly discomforted. Lum said something to him which he denied, then happily made another remark which Ataru nodded at. It must have been a convincing one because he wrapped his arm around her and allowed her to lay her head and hands on his chest. Ryuunosuke was amazed and partially horrified. She had never guessed that something like this could actually happen, yet here she was watching it happen before her very eyes.

_It's impossible_ Ryuunosuke thought. _This...they...since when!?_Despite her constant mental disagreement, Ryuunosuke continued to watch Ataru and Lum lovingly stick together. The romance was palpable and somewhat sickening. Ryuunosuke wasn't used to that level of cuteness and mushy emotionality. Her life as a boy, a hardened male who declined his own romantic feelings, had never prepared her to tolerate the gushy little display that Ataru and Lum were having. They were just watching TV in each others arms, but that was still enough to make any sane person gag that knew their regular history.

* * *

"I love you" Lum cooed. The TV was turned down now, something Ryuunosuke hadn't noticed, so she leaned in to listen to what they were saying.

"I know you do" Ataru said. She hugged him tightly and he responded with his own one-armed embrace. "Not a smart thing for you to do, really."

"Love isn't always smart" Lum said, looking up into his eyes. "Love just is."

"Yeah" Ataru agreed. "Love is fickle."

"You're fickle" Lum retorted, shoving him lightly. He nudged back and laughed. "Love is weird, isn't it Darling? It just comes from nowhere."

"No it doesn't" Ataru said. She looked up at him curiously. "Love doesn't always run into you around the corner or barrel into you from down the street. Love almost always comes...from the sky."

"How come" Lum began, obviously smitten "you never romantically like that with me?"

"I need to save all my good lines" Ataru said "for the girls!" He hung his tongue out of his mouth and cackled. Lum elbowed him and made him bite his tongue, then they met glares, exchanged playful hatred and ended up laughing and holding each other. They pulled away, beaming smiles at each other, then adapted tired looks which they exchanged constantly. Lum blinked with heavy eyelids hung half over her eyes and Ataru let his brow drifted down. Ryuunosuke thought they were done and was thankful for their stopping. Now she could breath easily and know that they were done making her sick.

"Lum" Ataru whispered.

"Darling" she cooed back. They leaned into each other and kissed, shocking Ryuunosuke into a comatose. She missed the rest of the tender moment, drifting into her own mad world of dreams...

"I love you" Lum cooed once more in the brief time her lips were parted. She went straight back, leaving Ataru with little breath to continue. He broke away and took in a long, deep breath, then turned to the lust-hungry Lum with caution.

"C-Calm down, okay?" Ataru said. Lum blinked and shook away her craze, then gazed back at him with her previous, regular romance-starved face.

"Sorry" Lum said. "I got excited." They met lips once more, all while Benten drunkenly slept in the hall and Ryuunosuke twitched in her torrid dreaming sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Departure of Dear Friends...

* * *

The morning came. Ataru was the first to stir. He lazily opened his eyes, trying to keep them closed despite the arrogant sun's advances, but in the end lost to the stubbornness of shining light. He groaned and tried to sit up in his bed, though he found out soon that he wasn't _in_ his bed. Not only that but there was that weight on his chest, like someone was sleeping on him. His first sight in the morning was Lum, who was sleeping on his chest, looking so lovely and comfortable that even he didn't want to disturb her for a few seconds. Then instinct kicked in and he was up and moving with a sudden blast of adrenaline. Lum's head floated in the air, defying gravity all over her codling love for the Darling she thought she was sleeping on. Ataru had retreated all the way up to a corner of the wall that met the ceiling and pressed himself into it like some kind of ninja.

_Oh_ Ataru thought, _wait. That's right. We fell asleep like that. And I didn't get zapped the whole night! Lucky me!_ Ataru began carefully crawling down to the floor, but he jumped straight back up into his corner when he saw and heard Lum begin her morning stretch. She didn't forget where she had fallen the night before, knowing full well how much room she had to move around for once, and took full advantage of the space by floating above the table and stretching as she flipped slowly in the air, ending with her legs curled up and her arms pumped.

"AHHHH!!!!" she sighed loudly. "It feels good to move around..." Lum rubbed her eyes one last time, then looked down for the presence of her restless Darling, anxious and happy to see him before anything else for the first time, just as she always wanted. She opened her eyes just a peeking crack, barely enough for a sliver of vision, then shut them tight when she saw no Ataru. "Darling?" she called tiredly. "Darling, where are you?"

"Right here" Ataru said, dropping back down to the floor. He stretched and rubbed the back of his head, then walked calmly over to her.

"Where!?" she suddenly shouted, whipping around and hitting him with her long hair. He wasn't hurt, but his face had been slapped with flowing waves of green first thing in the morning, so he was understandably irked. "I want to see you first thing today, Darling! Can you move me into the right position?"

"Oh sure!" Ataru said. "I'll just get us both in a good light." Ataru grabbed Lum's shoulders, pushing her through the air she floated so gracefully in, and moved her towards the window. Lum was growing impatient with his romantic movements, and then suddenly the light was dimmed in front of her. She had lost her sense of position, willingly allowing her Darling to better move her according to his own romantic will...which she still believed in. Ataru had placed her so she could see nothing but the screen.

"Alright" Ataru said, "go ahead. I'm right here." Lum opened her eyes just as Ataru turned to TV on. Lum's first glimpse of the world in the morning was an infomercial.

"DAPPYA!" the Dappya-monster on the screen cheered. "Come on down to our new opening on the Tomobiki Shopping Street! We're selling foooood!!!" Then a human cook, whom the business had been purchased from, came in with a sliding crouch and jazzing hands.

"And it's deliciooooous!!!" he added. Lum's fangs were sticking out from her mouth in her anger and static crackled up her body. Ataru stood a good distance away, braced for his punishment. Lum shot to her toes to get a height advantage on Ataru who leaned back in withdraw anyway.

"That was mean, Darling!" Lum shouted. "I wanted to see you first thing in the morning! Why didn't you let me!?"

"I don't know" Ataru admitted with an honest shrug. "I thought it was pretty funny, actually." He grinned and made some breathy chuckles through his teeth while Lum floated over and planted her feet right next to his and her hands on her hips. She looked offended, waiting retribution or at least an apology, then she laughed. It was a small laugh, a girly little titter which threw Ataru completely off guard. She then wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself in.

"You're so cute" Lum said, moving in to steal his lips. "At least we woke up together..." She silenced whatever retort he was going to try and make with a romantic sealing of his lips with hers. Ataru's eyes were bugging from the sudden kiss and his fingers were all twitching and uncurled. Still, seeing nowhere to retreat, he closed his eyes with a stern, defiant furrow of his brow and grabbed her by the middle of her back, proving that he wasn't a coward by pulling her even further into the kiss. Lum gave a happy sigh through her nose and embraced her Darling hard.

Thankfully, out in the hallway, the girls and Ten were still asleep and couldn't see the hideously lovey-dovey display going on. Ryuu's lip still quivered in her sleep from the utterly confusing disgust she felt from catching them the night before...

* * *

"Guaaahhh..." Benten groaned. She opened her eyes with heavy blinks and then shut them tight. She grabbed her head with an apparently wet rag nearby and groaned over her hangover pains. The light stung her eyes, the ambiance of the nearby world made her ears throb, and above all that something smelled like pee. She took a look at her rag, Ten's diaper still attached to the napping infant, and let go of it with a quick jerk away. "GIH!" She started crawling up to her feet to stumble her way for a bathroom when she stepped on Ryuunosuke's throat, quickly waking the rough, tough girl with a gagging shout. Lum and Ataru broke their kiss and looked at the door to the hallway at the same time.

"What was that?" Lum asked. Ataru broke away and peeked out into the hallway, just in time to see Ryuunosuke making a lunging grab for Benten's hair in retaliation.

"Come here!" Ryuunosuke shouted, yanking Benten to the ground. "You damn bastard!" Ryuunosuke made a short leap up and then a powerful elbow-guided drop down, right on top of Benten's stomach. Benten felt an entire night's worth of sake and food unsettle in her gut, swelling up into her throat. "Ah...wait, no! Not on me!" Ryuunosuke picked her up and ran her upstairs, throwing her into the bathroom and slamming the door just in time to hear the sounds of post-drinking vomitting and groaning sound out.

"RYUU-CHAN!" Ataru shouted, prompting Ryuunosuke to jerk back to her fighting senses. Ataru came crawl-running up the steps to the second-floor bathroom with his mouth open and his tongue freely flapping. "I'm so glad you got back safely! I missed you!!!" Ataru made a flying leap for her chest, but was swiftly floored by her expertly-timed ax-kick to the head. She kept her foot on his head so his face would stay in the wood floor and waited for Lum to come back up.

"Hello?" Lum called.

"Hey Lum" Ryuunosuke greeted as Lum floated up with a dizzily unconscious Ten in her hands. Ryuunosuke was calm and cool, like normal, until she saw Lum's blushing, girly face of worry come into view. Then she remembered the romance and the kissing and the general feelings of her own swelling gut from before. She fought back the temptation to look surprised and covered up with her lady-killing smile, not by choice, of course. "So...did you wait for us long?" Ryuunosuke asked with a cock of her head and a glint of her teeth. Lum just blinked curiously at her and landed on Ataru's back.

"Why're you looking at me like that?" Lum asked. "Oh, did either of you give Ten any liquor last night?"

"No!" Ryuunosuke nervously defended. "Benten was the only one who drank! I swear! Ten just had some juice from a bunch of the ladies in the bars we went to. Stuff like, uh, 'Margerie-tas' and um...Pina 'Colides'?"

"WHAT!?" Lum exclaimed. "Those are alcoholic beverages!" Ryuunosuke froze up. Ten finally stirred with a dizzy voice and foolish laugh.

"My mouf tase funneh..." he slurred, still out of it. Lum gasped and looked him in the eyes.

"Ten?" she said, holding him up. "Ten, oh, are you alright? How much did you have last night!?"

"I thought" Ataru said, his voice muffled by the floor, "Oni could only get drunk from eating pickled plums."

"......**they can?**" Ryuunosuke asked, losing all her cool composure and slumping her shoulders down. Lum looked at her in a panic, a motherly contempt for the girl who had lost all her respect. Ryuunosuke felt overwhelming dishonor, disappointment, and most of all she felt complete failure. She failed to reign in Benten's destructive partying and she failed to look after Ten. Sure, he was fine drinking those juices, flying as sober as a tiny bird, but one pickled plum and he was out of his senses, totally hammered. After that he ate more and more, Ryuunosuke looking on an thinking it was harmless, but then he burned down that one bar which blew up after wards...

"BUAAAAH!!!!" Benten shouted, throwing open the door and wiping her proud, smiling mouth with a rag. "That's much better! I feel good enough to win a war! Let's all go drinking!" Benten finally opened her eyes and lowered her arms (as well as her smile) when she saw a glowering Lum. Ataru snaked his way out from below Ryuunosuke's heel and grabbed Ten by the dry back of his diaper, leaving Lum uninhibited to spark and crackle as much as she wanted.

"You..." Lum growled, "How can you be so irresponsible!?"

"Come on" Benten said casually. "We've met before, right?" Lum wasn't listening. The next thirty seconds were filled with painful screams and the sounds of pure electric energy blasting away... Still, even with Benten's smoldering unconscious body at her feet, Ryuunosuke couldn't bring herself to relieve all the guilt that was piled up on her in the short night she spent out. She had let her friends down, even after all they had done for her, and worst of all she didn't take the blame for any of it. As disguising as the thought was to her she would gladly submit to Ataru's perverted will and own up to her strip-poker deal if it would get rid of the corrosive guilt within her. Sadly, with Lum around and as close to him as she was, and with him as close to her as he seemed to be the previous night, taking off her shirt wouldn't do a thing to help anyone...

* * *

Later that morning Mr. and Mrs. Moroboshi returned to regale their son and his guests with the details of their own overnight excursion, but the very sight they came home to was one worth more than a thousand words. Lum and Ataru sitting together at breakfast, much closer than usual, Ten with an ice-pack on his head and sipping a home-made tea to remedy hangovers, Benten with half her skin smoking and blackened from a powerful shocking and Ryuunosuke who sat with her regular school shirt tied around her waist, revealing her tightly wrapped bust which she displayed in passive shame. Yes, just another unpredictably strange morning at the Moroboshi household.

"So..." Mrs. Moroboshi began, "Ataru, did you see anything interesting in the news last night?"

"Nope" Ataru answered flatly. "Not much worth watching, really."

"Ah, I see" his mother replied.

"I saw a game" Benten began "at some bar. I think it was called 'Football'. Looked like fun."

"Rugby's better" Ryuunosuke argued bluntly. Ten groaned and sprinkled some headache powder into his team.

"Ahhh....can we keep it down?" Ten politely asked. He took a long sip from his cup and then a long breath from the air.

"How's your head, Ten?" Lum quietly asked. Ten just nodded at her and ate a soft piece of bread. Benten turned away in shame and shoveled the rest of her rice away. Just as things seemed to be normal, Ryuunosuke finished her meal and placed it on the table. Then she stood up.

"Everyone" Ryuunosuke began in a serious tone, "thank you." Despite her exposed cleavage she bowed deeply to everyone she could, even Ataru, who grinned slyly at it. "I know I was a bit of an inconvenience to you sometimes, and even though I swore it, I never did repay you for having me here. I was just so happy most of the time to be away from my dad and that crazy Nagisa that I couldn't think about work. It treated your hospitality unfairly, like a vacation, and I apologize for that."

"No, dear" Mrs. Moroboshi said, standing up. "You don't have to apologize for anything. We know that you have a hard life at home, and I'm glad that I can help you get away. Please, here, have some more rice." She held out a full bowl of rice, which she had stolen from her husband, who wasn't willing to debate the ownership of his own food so early in the morning.

"No thank you" Ryuunosuke said. "I'm sorry, but I can't stay here like a freeloader anymore. I have a personal code against this kind of thing. If I just stay here and live off your money and food, then I'm no better than my good-for-nothing father..." The hatred in the lowing of her voice really carried through the room, casting a sudden silence on everyone, freezing them up. Benten had a sneaky shade over her eyes and began a slithering smile from the corners of her mouth. "I'll get my stuff and leave. Thank you for letting me stay here for as long as I have..." With her good-byes carefully worded Ryuunosuke left the room with a final bow. Ataru didn't bother trying to stop her and when Lum tried he stopped her as well.

"It's her problem" Ataru said. "We can't help her with this."

"Whoops!" Benten cheerfully exclaimed, throwing her bowls neatly onto the table. "I, uh, just remembered something! I need to get outside so I can...place a beacon! Sorry, excuse me!" She was already rushing out the door by the time Mrs. Moroboshi got her words out.

"I don't want any UFOs landing in my yard!" she called as the door slammed. Benten ran down the street to catch up to the stoic young lady marching off into the distance with her bag of clothes hung over shoulder and her button-down shirt breezily hanging from her shoulders. Ryuunosuke heard her coming and turned around, lady-killing face accidentally equipped. Benten caught up and reached for her knees to catch her breath.

"You" Benten began, "are looking hot today, boy!" Ryuunosuke caught her mistake and assumed a more surprised and aggrivated face.

"What'dya want!?" Ryuunosuke demanded. "This is all your fault, anyway! Lum's pissed at both of us for letting Ten get drunk, but I was the one in charge of you!"

"You should be glad!" Benten protested. "You ever get one of those shocks without that idiot Ataru conducting most of it?"

"Leave me alone" Ryuunosuke said solemnly as she turned back to face the gusting morning breeze. "I need to get away for a while. I can't go back home because of my insane dad and I can't go back to the Moroboshi's with my tail between my legs...I can't really go anywhere anymore. I just need to find a good place to stay alone for a couple days and get a job somewhere, like working with the Dappya-guys."

"Don't talk like an idiot, alright?" Benten said. "I know where you can go, just don't act all down and out over a little misunderstanding."

"Little misunderstanding?" Ryuunosuke shot back. "You both got so drunk that you puked and pissed respectively!"

"Hey" Benten suddenly said with a combative smile on her face. Ryuunosuke retorted with her own combative glare and nearly turned with fists balled to fight, but her motions were too quick for her own good. Benten extended a hand with her keys dangling on a chain (literally) and flipped them up to catch them between her thumb and index finger. She pressed a button with a beeping ring and waited a few seconds. "You wanna ride?" Suddenly, swooping down from the sky, came her own fully-repaired bike, shining in the sunlight like brand new. Ryuunosuke's mouth gaped at it while her brain made sudden sense of her friend's cryptic invite. She straightened her head and neck together and stared straight into Benten's unmoved, serious eyes.

"EH!?" Ryuunosuke shouted in confusion, also shouting to clear her voice over the sound of the engine. "You-you, you wanna take me...to outer space!?"

"I know a place" Benten said "where we can crash without being bums or anything. I usually live there when no one wants me around, so now seems like a good time to head there."

"Wait a sec" Ryuunosuke said. "You want to take me to your planet?"

"Not mine" Benten admitted. "It's more like a space-station for bikers like me. I have a whole gang up there that I hang out with when I've got nothing to do in this system."

"And" Ryuunosuke began, becoming increasingly hopeful to the opportunity, "there's a bunch of girls like you, who dress like you and act like you, that I'll get to meet?"

"If that's what you're into..." Benten said, looking away to fake some ignorance of Ryuunosuke's actual preference.

"SHUT UP!" Ryuunosuke shouted. She remained hopeful of the offer and looked into Benten's eyes. "Please don't be lying to me. You're telling the truth, right? I can...really...I......." Ryuunosuke was too choked up to continue, but her good friend turned her head as he bike lowered and went into a quieter idling chug on the street beside her.

"Yup" Benten answered, keeping her proud and arrogant smile. "You can finally be the w**oman you want to be**." Ryuunosuke looked up. Tears were formed in her eyes by some unknown force, the force of emotions that she didn't want to acknowledge. Finally, however, she embraced that sacred femininity and rushed into Benten's chest with light tears. Benten just held her chest out like a pround warrior and let it get chilled with Ryuunosuke's happy tears. Ryuu snapped back into her more manly personality, grabbing Benten's hands with that warrior expression, like she was about to rush head-first into a battle with Benten firing rockets right behind her. Then, she gave a sharp nod of acceptance.

"Great" Benten said, clutching her hands with a tight, powerful grip of her own. She planted her feet sternly at the ground, squared with her shoulders, and heaved Ryuunosuke onto the bike where she landed with a sudden thud. Benten hopped on, equipped her helmet, then drew another one out from a somewhat hidden compartment up front to hand back to Ryuunosuke. She took the helmet, examined it for a moment, then put it on, drowning out the sounds of the space-bike she rode on. She knew how to ride a motorcycle, at least as a passenger, and assumed the practice was the same. She wrapped her hands around Benten's stomach and gave her a nod.

"Off we go!" Benten shouted, revving her bike up powerfully. It ascended up from the ground, hovering a short distance up, then began a sheer vertical drive for the atmosphere.

* * *

And so, with little more than a sternly-worded apology, Ryuunosuke left the earth and the lives she held dear behind. She and Benten went off to space unknown to live according to their war-like manners. Two women with the violence of men and the power of multiple men, two sisters born separately in the cosmos, fulfilling their destinies to live as true sisters far off in some distant star system. The adventures that await Ryuunosuke and Benten are sure to be full of action, combat and of course that twisted femininity of the warrior women from outer space!

A new Fukujin, a Lucky God, is too be born, and her name is Ryuunosuke!!! Elsewhere, however, in a certain tiny shack in Tomobiki, the morning of startling new stars was not going over so well. A stern, mean and ugly faced father sat with arms and legs crossed in the darkness, only a crack of dawn light illuminating his angered face. He sat staring at the empty table of his room, a table that had long ago been repaired from the aftermath of one such destructive rampage from his very own 'son', a terrible contempt growing from within him.

"Hmm...." Mr. Fujinami grunted. Suddenly, he saw some strange movement. A ghostly shadow flitted across the beams of light which were on the table, and then it blocked on out entirely. Fujinami's eyes went wide and his mouth let out a low and terrible growl. "HUAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" he roared, shooting up to his feet with an arm swung over head. He came down to his knee and delivered a chop, splitting the table perfectly in half. "That damn boy of mine...he's done something incredibly foolish!"

"What is it?" Nagisa asked from the kitchen where the only window was. He stood just so his pony-tailed hair was blocking one of the broad strands of light, and his ghostly presence added a certain otherworldly glow into the room. "Where is she, anyway?"

"That boy!" Fujinami growled, looking up at his ceiling. "That **BOY!** That BOY BOY BOY BOY BOY BOY BOOOOY!!!" Deep in his paternal glands, the fatherly regions of his twisted little brain, a twinge was set off, one indicating his daughter's extreme happiness somewhere in the wide, wide world. Only there was one problem: until his son married his fiance, **he had no daughter, by law ****or otherwise...** At least, that's what he thought...


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Mendo Discovers the Great Dappya Conspiracy!

* * *

After the absence of their house guests had subsided, the Moroboshi's continued on with their life as normal. One day was waning on particularly slowly as the sun was high up in the sky, beating down its rays upon the poor denizens of Tomobiki, searing their asphalt and scalding their feet. It was too hot to be formal, so Ataru went around town in shorts and an undershirt while Lum followed close in her regular bikini. No one bothered to stop them and ask about their many trials and tribulations today. It was just too damn hot.

Still, some people hold tradition over reason...

Down the street, riding on a certain animal-powered sled, was Shutaro Mendo, sweating beads on his statue-esque face in his regular all-white attire.

"Men" he began in his dignified tone, "why is the Octopus Sled not moving?" Yes. I suppose 'cephalopod' powered sled would be more accurate for this. The octopi, in addition to getting a walk, were getting their exercise by pulling their master and two of his more trusted subordinates into town. The two men in black shades had their black outer shirts off and folded neatly under their bottoms so they wouldn't scold their butts on the searing-hot sled surface.

"Sorry sir" one man said. "We're out of water. The octopi are drying up."

"What!?" Shutaro demanded, standing from his seat. "We brought enough water to go to town and back at least twice! How did we get out of water so quickly!?" The other guard picked up the bucket and held it upside-down.

"It evaporated" he said.

"No it didn't!" Shutaro bellowed. "You two fools drank it all!!"

"Calm down sir" the first guard said, rubbing one of the octopi's heads. It was rough and rubbery, not slippery like it should be. "It's the heat. It's ridiculous today. Not a good idea to take a walk, if you ask me."

"NO ONE DID!!!" Mendo shouted. He smoothed his hair back and hopped off the sled. He began walking into a nearby shop. "Keep watch over the sled and make sure the octopi don't wither away. Their lives are more important to me than yours are, so if you get some spare water from a passer by give it to them first!"

"Yes sir!" the guards saluted. Mendo entered the shop and the guards grinned at each other. They retrieved two spare bottles of water from their pockets and toasted with them flashing bright grins. They started guzzling the warm, somewhat hot water, and immediately spat it out onto the octopi. Mendo, meanwhile, entered the store and looked around. He stopped in the entry way and stood in the cool air-conditioned breeze that blew the little stray strands of his hair softly. The store itself seemed quiet. Very few people were in it, browsing the store for its goods and leaning down low to look in the glass windows.

"No shelves?" Mendo noticed as he stepped in. "Just refrigerators?" He looked away, ever focused on the items he intended to buy, and bumped his head hard. He fell backwards, hit the ground, and then shot straight up to peer at what had hit him. He saw a very feint dark reflection of himself and reached to touch it. Now he realized why people were bent over so low. "This is the ceiling? This low!? And it's made of glass?"

"Space glass!" exclaimed a Dappya-monster from below. The unpredicted shock was so great that Mendo jumped and slammed his head once more against the ceiling. This time he fell on his face and stayed down for a moment. "Da~~ppya!" the monster exclaimed with a salute. Mendo reached forward and grabbed the short alien by the collar of its environmental suit. He got both hands around it and dragged his rageful face off the ground, eyes wide open and brow furrowed deeply with a twitching mad grin.

"Youuuu..." Mendo growled. "What's with the height problems here?"

"It's a Dappya Shop" the Dappya-monster explained. "Obviously, it has to be suited to Dappya-men, Dappya!"

"Don't you 'Dappya' me!" Mendo demanded. "Take a look!" He forced the Dappya man to look at the human customers who were all looking at him strangely. "Even I can see that you're too short to reach the items on the top shelves, and there are more humans here than Dappya-monsters. Why not raise the ceiling or at least post a sign explaining the private operation of this shop? Huh? EH!?"

"That would decrease profits, Dappya" the Dappya-monster defended. Mendo groaned, unable to fight back logically, and carefully stood up. He stood tall, away from the ceiling, and folded his hand at his chest in a dignified, mannerly way.

"Very well" Mendo said. "Then, I bid you good day. I will buy my water elsewhere." Mendo turned to leave but the Dappya-manager stopped him.

"No you won't" he said. "This is the only shop in town with water!" Mendo stopped dead and jostled in place. He sighed, brushed his hair back with his hand again, and turned to face the manager. He stayed still for a moment, collecting his pride and his tact, then made a brilliant declaration.

"Get me some water" he ordered.

"Get it yourself, Dappya" the manager said. Mendo sulked down low, bending under the ceiling and walked to the coolers.

* * *

"Stop!" the guard begged. "Please, please just stop! For God sake, stop!"

"They aren't stopping!" the other guard said above the squeaky whining. The Octopi were crying for their master to come back with water. They were so thirsty and the hot water had only hurt them. "Damn it! We're screwed! I say we leave!"

"He'll just find us" the guard said "and punish us!" The octopi intensified their whining and crying to the point where they passed out. The guards panicked and shouted. They turned to the graceful citizens that passed by, wondering what smelled like uncooked octopus, and began begging for water and mercy. "Please! Water!"

"They'll all die!!!"

Mendo came marching out form the store with a whole bundle of water in his arms. He ignored his guards rolling around on the ground with their hands cupped to each passer by. They were so busy begging that they didn't notice their young master's return with sweet, cold water. He set the bag of plastic bottles down on the sled. He took one out, slowly unscrewed it and started pouring it out on the octopi heads that gathered so tightly around in an unconscious heap. One by one the little creatures awoke, and as the water splashed the guards turned around and saw, to their shock, their master watering his octopi down.

"Wah! Young Master!" the guards exclaimed. They snapped into deep bows, heads on their folded-over fingers and faces down. "We're terribly sorry! We let you down!" Mendo drained the last drop of water from yet another bottle and set the empty container carefully with the others. He picked up three bottles, the last ones, and tossed two down to the ground before his subordinates. They looked up and ravenously bit the tops off the bottles, so thirsty and needy they were that they didn't even bother with proper thoughts or manners.

Mendo would have minded had he been looking, but he was taking a long draw from his square bottle for himself. The octopi were restlessly shifting around, all full of energy and wetness. Mendo screwed the top back onto his bottle and turned to his men with a happy face and a beaming smile.

"Oh, don't worry a bit about it" "Mendo cheerfully said. The guards stopped guzzling their water and looked up at the strangely out of place handsome smile on their master's face. He even started chuckling gleefully at them. "Everything's alright now. I got water, and at a great, perfectly reasonable price! It was basically theft! Ahh-hahahaha!" The guards were curious about his oddly good mood, but even more curious and attentive to the block of ice floating over his head. They both jumped up and leaned in to look at it up close.

"Uh, master" one guard said, "what is that?" He swiped his hand under the ice to see if something unseen was holding it up, but then withdrew in shock when nothing happened. "It's cold!"

"Where did you get it?" the other guard asked. "What kind of shop was that, exactly?"

"Oh, you two with your questions" Mendo said. He climbed up on the sled, stirring the octopi with glee and energy. With just the splash of some cold water they were more energetic than when they had left. The guards were flabbergasted, to say the least. "Please, come! We've got a bit to go still." The guards nodded and hopped on board as Mendo took the reigns once more. The Ice Cooler hanging over his head and staying up thanks to his cool and calm demeanor. The residual chilled air that slid away from his already cool head floated down and cooled the backs of his men as they traveled on down the street at super octopus speeds.

_What a marvelous coincidence!_ Mendo thought, still maintaining his forced inflection of pleasure and happiness to keep the brick of ice suspended in mid-air. _Those pleasant little entrepreneurs setting up shop from street corner to corner along the market district! Perhaps I should inform my father about this potential competition...oh who am I kidding?_ Mendo decided to play risky. Besides, he was getting cold. He took a more serious, straight face and thought in his regular voice again. _What are these aliens up to? Are they selling things illegally? Are they trying to overthrow the local economy as a first step in world domination? Are they after our money? That's it! They know how much we depend on our money as a society and they want to cripple us so they can make our planet theirs! I see it now!_

"Of course!!!" Mendo shouted as he stood up. "I see! I understand it all!!!"

"Understand what, sir?" his first guard asked.

"Change of course" he commanded as he sat back down and heightened his inner thoughts to keep the ice above his head. "We're heading for the Moroboshi house!" And so the guards occupied the octopi, holding their food just out of reach to steer them, then giving it to them when they got on their proper course while Mendo massaged them remotely with the ends of his reigns, keeping them happy and motivated. Finally, after only a few speedy minutes, they reached the Moroboshi house where Mendo dismounted his ship and knocked on the door. Mrs. Moroboshi answered and steered them away politely. Mendo stood for a moment with a flat expression, then became driven once more.

"Back downtown, men!" he shouted.

"Right!" the replied. All three mounted back up and went downtown. They asked a street cop if he had seen a girl in a tiger-skin bikini and he pointed them to the park where he overheard her whining to go with some hyper-active young man.

"To the park!" Mendo shouted, standing on his chair on the sled and pointing in some random direction. "Move out!" Thankfully, even in his hot rage, the ice stayed afloat and frozen.

* * *

"Ahhh~!" Lum sighed. "What a gorgeous day, eh Darling?"

"Beats me" Ataru said, his tongue handing out of his mouth. "It would be nicer if I had a **sun hat!**" Lum winked at him and pulled on the brim of her hat.

"Don't be silly" Lum said, grabbing his hand and floating beside him. "You'd look silly in a sun hat."

"Then just a hat!" Ataru said, calling to the ignorant heavens. "I just want a hat before I burn to death!"

"You'll be fine" Lum said, floating close. "Besides, we can get some burn ointment at that Dappya shop on the market anytime."

"Ah, you're right" Ataru said contently. He took in a sharp breath and sighed it out, yanking on his already loose and sweaty collar to cool off. "We should go back, before one of us bakes to death. It's too hot for a walk." Lum noticed the park's fountain just beyond some trees and grabbed Ataru's arm to drag him off in that direction.

"What about the fountain?" she asked. "That's probably nice and cool."

"Are you stupid?" Ataru said, yanking her back to his side. "You know what kind of stuff gets tossed in that thing on a daily basis?" Lum honestly began thinking about it but was stopped by the loud, approaching clatter of some strange object on wooden legs. Both of them looked down the concrete pathway and saw Mendo, atop his octopus chariot, wielding his sword up on high.

"Moroboshi, hiii!!!!" he gleefully greeted, again with an annoyingly chipper laugh at the end. Coupling all the parts together Ataru decided to take Lum with him and hid in the bushes. Mendo back-flipped from the top of his chair just in time to land approximately where Moroboshi had stood while his carriage kept stampeding along with the super-power of octopus propulsion to pick him up again. "Oh, you foolish chum of mine!" he said through his wide grin again. "Come on out. I'm not going to cut you!"

Ataru popped up form the bushes with his sweaty hair full of leaves and sticks. "So lose the sword!" he demanded. Mendo sheathed his blade with a smile and stood straight, ever cool and collected. Ataru cautiously stepped out and approached slowly, keeping Lum close as a human-sized taser just in case, and stayed that cautious until he saw the block of ice.

"Oh!" Lum gasped. "An Ice Cooler! Remember, Darling?"

"Ah" Ataru sighed nostalgically, "yeah, I remember...Geheheheheheee!!" His perverted chuckle was obviously brought on by the memories of what had happened the last time Lum brought those cursed objects to school. Ataru was in traction for days when it squashed him, but with all those imagination-spawned beauteous bodies inside being squashed was quite the sight! Lum caught his laughter and slapped the thoughts out of his head, reverting him back to mischievous and nefarious Ataru who began planning against the calm and somewhat meditative Mendo. He reached forward and pinched his nose shut.

"So where'd you get one of those?" Ataru asked, pulling on Mendo's nose in a circle. Mendo simply slapped Ataru's hands away but kept his grin. He then stepped in and got threateningly close to Ataru's face, forcing the nervous Ataru back a step.

"Never mind that for now, pal" Mendo said, obviously having a hard time acting. "I've got an important question for you!" he then turned to Lum and added "Actually, this is for both of you." Lum skipped over and hugged Ataru's arm up high. Mendo's ice block visibly dropped, then floated back up as he leaned back to straighten himself out and adapt his handsome face once more. "Have either of you noticed a strangely sharp increase in alien activity around here in the past few days?"

"Nope" Ataru said.

"No" Lum answered. Mendo groaned with a creaking sound of defeat, like a door that had been rusted nearly shut being opened to reveal just how empty the inside was...

"No, eh?" he said with a twitching, irked face. His Ice Cooler was getting dangerously close to his head as he was kneeling down at the knees and staring at his slowly tightening fingers, turning them into angry fists. "Is that so? Oh, darn. Here I thought my problems were answered! I suppose I'll have to ask someone else...!"

"You could ask Ran" Ataru said. "She's an alien." Lum screamed and shut him up by slapping her hand across his face.

"Darling!!!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, I know about that, miss Lum" Shutaro admitted, regaining his posture and his expression to regain the Cooler's altitude. "My extensive interactions with that Inaba fellow confirmed that." Lum sighed with great relief. At least, if Shutaro revealed his discovery, her own secret would be kept so long as she could explain it properly to Ran. Although, with her mood swings, it might not work out that way at all... "Anyway, I am talking of course about the Dappya-monsters and their increased frequency of shop ownership."

"Oh that?" Ataru said. "Yeah, that's been happening."

"We knew about that" Lum added. Mendo brought his arms up and caught the Cooler which had dropped suddenly out of his sheer, intense frustration. He struggled to regain control of his emotions and was offered to sit down. After a short but detailed explanation, as told to them by Ryuunosuke and Ran in an aside conversation, Mendo was fully caught up with the general schematics of the great Dappya 'conspiracy'.

* * *

"Oh?" Mendo began. "That's it? Are you sure they don't want the whole planet?"

"Dappya-monsters" Lum began "have always been passive and peaceful aliens. Even my dad didn't bother trying to conquer them because they agreed to such a lenient peace treaty. They've never been in a war because they always buy or negotiate their way out of it."

"It's like a whole species of me" Ataru said, offering his own angle of explanation. "I mean, in that, I wouldn't want to fight anyone. I'd much rather be peaceful!"

"You'd just run away" Lum said in a mocking tone.

"Ah, yeah" Ataru passively agreed. Mendo still had thoughts on his mind that caused his Cooler to melt faster. He still wanted to know so many things that he felt only these two could help him answer. However, as hard as he thought, Ataru poking him with a stick in the neck wasn't helping him at all. What's worse, he couldn't defend himself because of how happy Lum looked knowing Ataru's arm was around her and because the block of ice would definitely hurt if it fell now.

"So then" Mendo began "don't we have to worry about the local economy falling apart? Will they spend their profits accordingly?"

"I'm sure they will" Lum said. "They're always nice to us when we shop at their stores."

"The nice ones" Ataru began "are the ones who you _can't_ trust."

"Well that only applies to humans" Lum argued. She stuck her tongue out, which Ataru wanted to grab, but she turned and stuck it back in just as his swipe missed. "Don't worry about them, Shutaro. You should be glad they're here, anyway. They have an untapped market for everyone to use to their advantage."

"Alien stuff" Ataru said. "Most of the time we could only get our hands on it through deus ex machina." Lum elbowed him to shut him up. Shutaro looked burdened, somber even, but he didn't look distressed. Now he just felt shameful for the way he had treated the manager of the store he stopped in before. However, there was still time in the day, and for the second time now his chariot was circling around with the ever energetic octopi pulling it. Seeing them reminded Ataru of something which he just had to voice. "I'm hungry."

"Very well then" Shutaro said, making a heroic stand. His Cooler had melted away harmlessly, dousing his head with its misty coolness in its last-ditch attempt at keeping him cool. "I know what I can do to make this right!"

"Treat me to dinner?" Ataru asked. Knowing the ice was gone, Shutaro grabbed his sword scabbard and gave Ataru a swift knock to his face. Ataru dodged it and the swing sailed gracefully just past Lum's face.

"Why would I!?" Shutaro roared specifically at Ataru. He turned to Lum with a smile. "Miss Lum, thank you for telling me all this. I, Shutaro Mendo, vow to ensure the safe operations of the Dappya-men so long as they wish to sell in Tomobiki."

"Good for you" Lum said. "Just spend at their stores if you really want to support them."

"What about us?" Ataru asked. Shutaro made another graceful athletic back flip, this time onto his moving sled, and fell back into his seat with his right leg crossed up onto his left and his sword scabbard rested across his chest. "What about foood!!!??" Ataru shouted after them. They were gone, though. Off to their objective downtown. Lum floated over and tested Ataru's reaction by touching him. It was close to high noon right now, and the cicadas were buzzing especially loudly. Ataru relased a bit, adding slack to his knees, and yanked at his collar again. "Man...it's hot out today."

"Want my hat?" Lum offered. Ataru just began walking with Lum floating close beside him. She floated up and tilted her head so the brim of her hat covered his head and kept him a little bit cool, just close enough so their faces were touching.

* * *

Downtown, inside a shop with a peculiar sled driven by a flock...or pod (or whatever) of octopi, Shutaro stood at the border of the glowing blue low ceiling of the shop. He saw nothing but Dappya-men searching the aisles of the shop, eying the stock with their mouths hanging half open. Shutaro brushed his hair back and grunted in place.

"You again?" the manager said, appearing suddenly out of nowhere. Shutaro jumped in place but quickly recovered his pose with a smile.

"Yes" Shutaro said. "I came to apologize for earlier. I'm sorry that I inconvenienced you so. Please, if you will, accept my further patronage while I'm here." Mendo took a gracious bow with his head low and a hand across his chest.

"Alright, Dappya" the manager agreed. "What'll you buy?" Mendo rose up with a grin and a serious, business-ready expression equipped.

"Where I am returning" Mendo began "there is little to no functioning air conditioning. Therefore, if it wouldn't trouble you, I'd like to buy out your stock of Ice Coolers and the pamphlets on their use."

"Alrighty" the manager agreed without so much as a second of thought. "Come on over and I'll ring you up, Dappya." Mendo ducked down, avoiding the corner of the ceiling, and followed the manager behind the corner, keeping a low bend to his knees. He waited politely behind a Dappya buying a supply of water for his tank, which came in the very same plastic bottles which Mendo had bought earlier, and then took out his regally gilded checkbook to scrawl out the funds for the aspiring businessman.

"This will cover it" Mendo said, tearing out the check. The Dappya took the check behind the counter and stamped it for 'immediate deposit' in the Dappya language of childish hieroglyphics.

"Go around back" the manager said "and we'll give you all the boxes, Dappya. Good thing too, no one else wanted to buy them for some reason."

_Oh I know why_ Mendo thought. Of course he smiled while he did and kept his own thoughts to himself. He met the supplier out back, took the ten boxes of dispensers kept in still more boxes and got them tethered tightly to his sled. The octopi had no trouble moving out once they had a spritzing of the Dappya water and the octopus-powered vehicle went off through the streets carrying a load far too wide and tall to safely haul.

"How about some lunch?" one guard asked, a Cooler hovering over his head.

"Let's wait until we get back" Mendo said, enduring the heat. "The cooks don't work for no reason, you know."

"Still" the other guard said "this trip seemed like a waste of time to me...I don't know why."

"Ah relax" the cooling guard said. "As long as he doesn't find out we nearly killed the octopi."

"I _know_ you nearly let them die" Mendo said. The guard was so shocked that he broke his concentration and was hit on the head by a block the size of hail. The other guard recoiled away and started shivering in fear. Mendo smiled warmly as the hot sun beat him down. A nice warm day in good old normal Tomobiki...


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Dangerous Double Dating!

* * *

Ataru walked about town on the warm summer day. He kept his apparel light, a plain shirt with his own name on a shooting star tail and some knee-length shorts with cargo pockets. He breezed through the streets on his worn brown sneakers and kept a confident, happy smile as he made his merry way to the park.

"AH!" Ataru sighed loudly. He began lifting his legs higher and pumping his arms farther as he walked. "I wonder what lovely girls I'll meet today! HUAHAHAHA!!!" His jovial mood was cut short by the lovely voice that shot into his ears like lightning from the sky.

"Darling!" Lum called from an unseen distance. Ataru's face shifted from joyful to shocked and neutral, then to serious as he turned with a glare to the open sky.

_Damn her_ Ataru growled with knotted fists. _She just doesn't want me to have a good time on my own! Whatever. I'm a better escapist than she is a chaser. I'll just run away!_

"Come on, Darling!" Lum continued calling as she flew through the low sky. "I've got food!" Ataru nearly wore the sole of his shoe out stopping so quickly. He turned to the sky with a grin but his inner instincts, the more powerful ones, set his mind back on its proper goal of girl-hunting. He shook his head and retreated into an alley, taking a shortcut to the park. Lum descended right after, just missing him. She held a wicker basket full of food for a romantic picnic, candles not included. She wore her wide sunhat and a dressy little sundress, hoping to wrangle Ataru up for an afternoon together.

"Huh. I though he was here" she said, floating down to her feet. She raised her fist and gently tapped on her head. "My telepathy must be getting dull..." Ten suddenly opened the basket, wearing his own little straw hat and shades, hiding among the food in the inter-dimensional storage space so he could depart in the park once Lum was there. However, he revealed himself to ask a naïve little question.

"You have telepathy!?" Ten exclaimed. Lum picked him up and glared at him as he floated in front of her. "Uh, heh-heh. Hi, Lum."

"Sorry Ten" Lum said gently as she began flying away. "This date's just going to be for me and Darling."

"Wait, Lum wait!" Ten pleaded. She left, however, leaving him biting with curiosity. "Do you really have telepathy!?" he shouted.

_Poor Ten_ Lum thought as she flew through the sky. _He's going to be awfully bored on his own. I'm sure he'll go to find Kotatsuneko to hang around with. Darling and I are going to have such a good date...once I find him. _And with that spark of hopefulness Lum raced to the park in search of her predictable Darling. Meanwhile, just now entering the park was Shinobu and her boy, Inaba arm in arm.

"Haaah" Shinobu sighed, leaning into Inaba's arm lovingly. "See, Inaba? This is how areal couple should be seen. Together in public, arm in arm, hand in hand, showing the world just how perfect they go together."

"I agree" Inaba began "but I still defend that a walk in sub-space is essentially the same thing...only with more toxic plants and man-eating-"

"No sub-space!" Shinobu snapped. Inaba flinched back in fear and waited for Shinobu to stop growling at him. Once she was smiling and pressed against his arm again Inaba became more relaxed and walked with his hands in his pockets. He looked around and saw all the other couples walking together, girls holding guys arms and hands being held together. He believed her, seeing how happy she was like this in her summer skirt, and went on to smile on his own despite the itchy, clingy clothes she made him wear.

"Hi there!" Lum greeted as she fell down from above. Shinobu grabbed harder at Inaba's arm in reflex.

"Hi Lum" Shinobu greeted.

"Hello" Inaba said.

"I'm sorry" Lum began "but I lost sight of Darling while I was trying to take him on a date. Have you seen him come by here?"

"If I did" Shinobu began "I'd have made sure to boot him towards the fountain."

"That specific?" Lum asked.

"Yes" Shinobu replied confidently. "There's fewer girls at the fountain, mostly just lonely guys waiting for dates."

"So I should avoid that place?" Lum asked. While the girls continued chatting Inaba rolled his head and gave a heavy sigh towards the sky, which had caught his attention suddenly. He was paying peculiar attention to how the clouds were moving and, pulling his arm free from Shinobu, he pointed up towards the sky dramatically.

"Something terrible is about to happen" Inaba prophesied "to Ataru Moroboshi!"

"Eh?" Shinobu grunted.

"What!?" Lum exclaimed. Lum dropped her basket and grappled Inaba by the shoulders, shaking him furiously. "What? What's going to happen? IS someone going to hurt my Darling!"

"No, actually" Inaba said. "It'll be horrible for him, however. Just wait a few seconds."

"Oh, MISS!!!" a lecherous voiced called. A girl went running down the park road, hands in the air and feet blasting away dust, as a monstrous pervert chased her on hands and knees. "It's just a date! Why so shy!?"

"GET AWAY FROM MEEEEE!!!" the young woman shouted as she blazed past the standing trio. Ataru predictable continued chasing her right up until he saw Shinobu, then slowed himself down just enough so that when he kicked his feet off the ground he'd go sailing straight into her bosom.

"Oh, Shinobu! HELLOOOOO!!!!!" Shinobu was recoiling in terror already, ready to turn away or kick or punch if needed, but Lum intervened. She glided in front of Ataru's path, shocking his heart to skip a beat, and zapped him to the ground in a smoldering pile.

"I've been looking for you, Darling!" Lum growled. Inaba nodded with a flat expression.

"Terrible for him, anyway..." he said.

* * *

"Why're you here?" Ataru demanded in his grumpy seat on the picnic cloth. Shinobu looked over from her adjacent blanket with a snarl, Inaba crossed his eyes down curiously, trying to see himself, and Lum recoiled in dramatic grief.

"Excuse me!?" Lum demanded, hitting Ataru on the head with a sandwich. "I brought the food, you know! I'm your date!"

"That's exactly why I'm afraid to eat it" Ataru said, enduring it with his stubborn crossed arms and legs. He just turned away from the beating he took until Lum stopped. Then he glanced over his shoulder cautiously.

"Oh, you" Lum huffed. She was growing impatient and angry. She growled at the thought of admitting what she was about to say, but for the sake of her date she simply had to. "I didn't even make these. I bought them!" While Lum raged Ataru stole the sandwich and effortlessly ate it in a single gulp.

"Disgusting!" Shinobu groaned. Lum sighed with defeat, unable to tame the wild lech yet again.

"The way we're all together" Inaba began joyfully "you'd think we're on some kind of double date! Hahahaha!" A dark shadow was cast over the group.

"Anything but that..." Shinobu muttered.

"What was that?" Lum asked.

"Oh, nothing!" Shinobu said, innocently waving her hand and dismissing the matter. "I guess what other people think is what other people think! Hehehe!"

"The park sure is nice" Ataru said, changing the subject in a lackadaisical way. "Spring's just about over. The cherry blossoms are falling, the trees are turning a more vibrant, full green. The girls are wearing less and less. Haaa~, it's a nice day indeeeed!"

"Darling" Lum said, leaning in, "one of those things didn't seem to fit."

"It's too sad" Shinobu said, prompting the attention to get turned her way. "The way things are going it'll be April and then we'll all have to go back to school again! I can't stand that place. Just the thought of having to go back and endure more of those deviant teachers makes me furious!" Her anger was evidenced by everyone drawing away form her cautiously as she unrooted a tree root with her bare knuckles and squeezed it dry. Shinobu thrust it back into the ground ashamedly while the other three simply vaulted away from her blunt actions.

"Still" Inaba began "I think I have a better reason to detest the spring even more."

"Don't talk dumb" Ataru said. "Even I like spring. I love spring! It's the season of love!"

"Oh!" Lum gasped, wrapping herself around his shoulders as he nodded in deep thought. "Darling, who romantic of you!"

"The season where desperate girls show up!" Ataru proclaimed. Lum looked sick. "After the long, cold winters of depression, where so many relationship end, these beauties look to start a new life amidst the falling pink cherry petals of the spring! Hot babes in shorts, all of them desperate enough to date even meeeee! UAHAHAHA!!!" Lum did a high-altitude flying elbow-drop to his face and left him down there for a while as he groaned in pain.

"If you hadn't gone into that last part" Lum began "I would have actually praised you for being poetic!" Lum let him recover, which he did quickly, so she could lean forward and shout right into his ear "Idiot Darling!"

"I can't help it!" Ataru shouted back, undaunted by her threatening face. "I happen to be a very poetic soul!"

"So recite something" Inaba said.

"Yes, Ataru" Shinobu said, crossing her arms expectantly. Lum hovered back onto her knees with her arms crossed, wielding a more angry and anticipatory face than Shinobu's sinister glaring. Inaba looked at both of them and crossed his arms as well, so as not to feel left out. "Show us your linguistic skills..."

"Alright then" Ataru said, standing up confidently. "I shall!" A spring breeze blew past the group. The frilly edge of Shinobu's dress fluttered along with the skipping gale and Lum's hair was caught in the dainty gust as well. Inaba had a glare but he had no reason for it, keeping it for the sake of looking good with his girlfriend. Ataru cleared his throat to begin, then took a hand to his chest and one to the air in a leaning pose as he proclaimed, all the way up to the heavens, "**I LOVE SPRIIING!!!**"

Silence passed after that. The patient breeze became awkward, still blowing the disgusted Lum's hair along the checkerboard picnic cloth. Ataru had the gall and audacity to actually take a bow for his performance and, surprisingly, received some minor praise from the people nearby who heard his decree. There were a few people applauding and even some cheering and whistling in agreement.

"Ah, thank you, thank you" Ataru said, bowing in all directions. "You're all too kind, too kind indeed, hey pretty chick! You want a date? No? Okay, some other time! Hey, thanks a lot!" Lum stood up and stared straight into his eyes, her own usually starry and loving eyes now filled with some mysterious hatred that Ataru couldn't quite understand. He drew back a step, ready to run with a perfect route already planned, and almost got away until Inaba stood up for a standing ovation. Shinobu tried to feign ignorance, eating a finger sandwich to hide her face from the embarrassing actions of her boy.

"Well" Lum began, reliving her hate harmlessly into the air with a dieways glance. "I guess...it could have been worse...At least you were honest, and that's what counts in a poem." Lum turned back to him, rage vented, with a sweet smile. Ataru's heart nearly rose from his chest but his amazing self-control kept it down and silenced. Ataru became humble standing on one leg while rubbing his calf with the other and scratching his cheek.

"It wasn't that much" he admitted. "I didn't even think about it for too long."

"Don't get ahead of yourself" Lum said. "I wasn't offering you that much praise, either."

"Then it works out perfectly!" Ataru said with a wide grin to her. They both went off on a tangent of mutual amused laughter, ever smiling at each other while the crowds departed and Inaba was the only one left clapping.

"Encore!" Inaba shouted. The wind carried his voice far away...

* * *

The date continued downtown in a restaurant, a quaint but classy little stir-fry joint with a menu of amazing variety. Ataru had ordered a sampler special with extra octopus, Lum ordered the spiciest thing they could legally make, Shinobu ordered a main-course vegetable in soy-sauce claiming to be on a diet and Inaba asked to be surprised.

"So Inaba" Ataru said across the table, leaning onto it impolitely with his elbows, "you said you despise Spring more than any of us. Why is that?"

"Because" Inaba began, placing his chin into his woven fingers that also impolitely rested with his elbows at the table, "Spring is the time of new beginnings."

"Exactly!" Ataru said, leaning back with a grin. "That's why you should be happy!"

"Spring is romantic" Lum said, arguing with a smile. "You two are in love. Can't you appreciate the romantic atmosphere that spring brings?"

"Yeah, Inaba" Shinobu began, inadvertently turning the entire table on Inaba. "You can't just hate spring for the sake of hating it." Inaba closed his eyes and paused so as to gather the attention of his companions.

"It's not the season itself I don't like" Inaba began "but the very connotations it carries with people." A cacophony of odd grunts and strange looks. It seemed that he would have to explain further. "During the winter holidays of Christmas and New Years, the Dream Maker Agency is flooded with potential futures to construct, most of which are either burned or recycled in the following months. However, after each lull in business comes another peak, and that peak which lasts us the whole year always happens in spring. You see, any time a young man swears to do better this year in school or a young woman swears to find the love of her life in spring time, they shape for us a new future that needs constructing. So we, at the agency, must work tirelessly making the dreams and hopeful futures of billions of people, most of which are never used or altered so radically in the following months that we end up burning over half the doors we made!"

"Excuse me" the waitress greeted with two arms full of steamy plates. "Your food is ready!"

"Thank you very much!" the group said happily. Everything had been expertly grilled to their expectations, even Ataru's fried octopus. Inaba's dish was slathered in what looked like Worcestershire sauce and contained whole parts of seared fish and a mountain of indeterminate vegetables.

"Is that safe at all?" Shinobu asked. A wafting scene clouded her senses and cleared her sinuses, a smell she immediately traced back to Lum's sizzling, bubbling plate of super-spicy ingredients, all of which together were at the very least lethal. Lum split her chopsticks and just looked at her.

"What's wrong?" Lum asked.

"Nothing" Shinobu said, holding her nose. Could you point that in another direction?"

"So" Ataru began, stirring his food in its high-rimmed plate, "you just hate spring because it means work?"

"Yes" Inaba said bluntly.

"That's stupid" Ataru said. He split his chopsticks but one didn't break the whole way, an occurrence that Ataru didn't mind but still seemed to get a bit irked about. "That's like hating the fall because it means typhoons, or winter because it means shoveling."

"I love typhoons!" Lum exclaimed.

"You're weird!" Shinobu exclaimed back with less enthusiasm and more scolding force. Lum stuck her tongue out across the table and squinted her eyes.

"Yes" Inaba said, "I agree with your position, Moroboshi, but crafting an entire plotted future isn't any simple job that anyone can do. It's incredibly time consuming, even in a realm where time itself is relative."

"That doesn't make sense" Lum said with her mouth full, the only other entity at the table who really understood enough to make sense of it all. "What kind of problem arises in labor when you live in a realm that has no barriers or solid definitions of time or space?"

"Just that" Inaba said, straightening up and flattening out his face. "There's only about six of us to do it all." Lum fell from her chair. In popular fashion Shinobu fell as well. Ataru didn't care, he was eating. Lum climbed her way back up and pushed herself back up above the table.

"So get more people!" Lum exclaimed.

"You say that like I've never considered it" Inaba said with a more defensive, saddened face. "No one wants a job like that! I barely wanted to do it but ended up doing it anyway for lack of anything better to do!" Lum fell again. Now Shinobu climbed back with her chair back on all four of its legs.

"So you only do it to kill time?" Shinobu growled. Inaba shook his head.

"The pay's alright" he said. Shinobu didn't want to fall again so instead she hid her head into her folded arms and rubbed it around frantically. Ataru continued to noisily eat away at his delicious meal while his friends made big deals out of nothing around him.

"Wanted ads attract desperate people" Ataru noted. Now Shinobu fell.

"Sub-dimensional areas of time/space don't have newspapers" Inaba admitted sullenly, taking his chopsticks finally to his food.

"Really?" Ataru asked. "That's odd."

* * *

Lunch was over but the date persisted. Now, under the constant pleading of Lum the group went for ice cream as sold from a familiar Dappya vendor. The ice cream itself had a strange and original alien flare to it, making it look more authentically otherworldly. To Ataru, who had terrible experiences with alien ice cream in the past and Shinobu, a very down-to-Earth Earth-raised earthling, the light blue and dark green globs with sprinkles of pink didn't look too appetizing. Lum, however, loved it. Inaba seemed emotionless towards it. Now, with cold treats in hand, they walked together in two distinct pairs. Lum hovered with her arm hooked around Ataru's while Shinobu leaned her head into Inaba's shoulder. It was a picturesque scene of romance and loving, all until Ataru interrupted it.

"Alright!" he shouted suddenly, throwing his hand up into the air. "Let's switch!" Shinobu pounded him sufficiently. Lum wasn't strong enough to cause the same degree of bruises. With their anger vented they resumed walking as if nothing had transpired, although Ataru's bow-legged march seemed a bit more grumpy than normal.

"Darling" Lum began sweetly, "aren't you going to finish your ice cream? It's melting." Ataru looked over and saw the creeping ooze dripping down near his finger. Sensing danger he moved his finger and gripped it precariously by the pointed tip at the bottom. "Darling, it's just ice cream."

"How do you know?" Ataru demanded.

"I ate it" Lum defended "and I'm fine!"

"You're an alien, though" Shinobu said.

"Who asked you?" Lum said, sticking her tongue out again. Ataru was gazing up at the sky, observing the fluffy clouds as they passed overhead, on to better places.

"Spring always makes me nostalgic" Ataru admitted.

"I know what you mean" Lum said, cuddling up into his arm and stealing his ice cream with a bite. "I always remember my childhood during the spring..."

"That's kind of cheesy" Shinobu said, inciting the wrath of Lum. She endured it fearlessly and even shot her own hot gaze back. "It is! Everyone thinks about their childhood at spring."

"Except me" Inaba added with a grin.

"You're different" Shinobu pointed out. "At least it isn't freezing cold anymore. That's one of the reasons I hate winter."

"Winter's fine" Ataru said "if you know where to go."

"For what?" Lum asked. Ataru didn't answer. He was safer that way. Lum reached her hand around to the other side of his face and began pulling on his cheek. "Hey. Darling. What for?" He yanked his face away and then turned his head away. Now Lum started pushing on his cheeks with both fingers as they walked. Shinobu grinned in amusement over watching Ataru passively take her obnoxious punishment. No one was watching the path they took until it became blockaded by a single man.

"Moroboshi!" the regal voice of Mendo called out, receiving the attention of all four boys and girls. He had a somewhat prosthetic face with a handsome grin and glittering teeth. "Ah! All of you here together. What an interesting coincidence."

"Actually" Lum happily began, "we're double-dating!"

"Finishing off" Inaba began, holding Shinobu around the shoulder "with a walk in the park just seemed to make the most sense. You know?" Shinobu giggled and grabbed back at his arm. Mendo's face stayed exactly the way it was, just a neutral and inviting grin with drawn, seducing eyes, until a vein showed up on his forehead. On instinct, he vented his rage through the handle of his majestic blade and aimed all his annoyance at Ataru, who he pounced upon with his blade and had pinned to the ground as the lech kept the metal tightly clasped between his hands.

"Miss Lum" Mendo began, ignoring the struggle he created intentionally, "would you happen to own any sort of alien muscle-relaxant?" Lum poked her lip and tried to trace her memory, ignoring her Darling's peril as he seemed to be defending himself well enough, despite all the struggled grunts he was making.

"Not with me" Lum said with a shrug, "but I think I do somewhere. Why?"

"Ah, how unfortunate" Mendo said in his regular regal lilting voice. "I have been implementing new alien devices for the staff of my compound that require us to keep a perfectly calm mind and, as a result, my face has frozen." Mendo turned to Ataru, the blade and mere inches separating them, and grinned at him. "Moroboshi, you wouldn't be able to help at all, would you?"

"Sure" Ataru said, desperate to escape. "Get the hell off me!" Mendo stood up and sheathed his sword neatly while Ataru pushed himself up and clutched his chest. "That was close. I thought my grip would give out for a second there..." Mendo pushed back a stray strand of his hair and slicked it into the rest of his perfectly formed slick.

"So?" Mendo asked.

"So what?" Ataru cautiously replied.

"Miss Shinobu?" Mendo said, turning to her now, "What devious tricks did Ataru use to put you up to this idea of 'double-dating'? And Inaba, how are you alright with this...?" Shinobu blinked. She thought a man as educated as Mendo would understand a concept as simple as double-dating, but she felt that in his perpetually calm voice and shiveringly tense frozen face there was a strange misunderstanding.

"Mendo" Shinobu began "just what do you think double-dating is?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Mendo asked. "Dating two women at once. The fact that Moroboshi not only attempted it but was successful baffles my mind!" There was a long, awkward silence between them. Mendo's face had unfrozen only slightly so his eyebrows could move down angrily and the hinted anger in his voice was another ringing signal that his mind was slowly thawing his features. Ataru, meanwhile, was whispering to Lum behind Mendo, after a few exchanges of which she nodded and floated over with charged hands.

"It...isn't?" Mendo asked. Shinobu shook her head. Mendo's face snapped, his eyes wide and his mouth pursed and lowered and his nostrils flared with embarrassment. Just after that, leaving him only a brief moment of control over his expressions, Mendo was jolted with a blast of lightning from behind.

* * *

"Mendo?" Shinobu asked, her voice so distant and unclear. "Mendo, are you alright?"

"He's awake!" Inaba exclaimed. Mendo grunted and tried to get up, his vision clouded on all sides by a smokey haze. He struggled to raise himself from below the waist, not feeling his legs at all, and reached out for help which came, oddly, from a jovial Ataru. Once he was up, the blood returned to his legs, and his breathing was regular once more, Mendo faced Ataru sternly and growled in his nearly-laughing face.

"What!?" Ataru just started giggling.

"At least you're awake" Lum said. Mendo turned to her and saw that she was barely holding back her laughter as well. Though his face was no longer frozen in its calm and cool demeanor, it had been stuck into a newer, goofier expression. In lieu of a lengthy description, he perfectly resembled an octopus at the moment.

"Poor Mendo" Shinobu bemoaned. She fell her head into Inaba's chest as the octopus-faced Mendo curiously blinked his huge, wide eyes at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a muffle from his lips shaped in a funnel. Ataru held his hand over his mouth and turned away to guffaw. "WHAT IS IT!?" Mendo shouted. Even Inaba, in his neutrality and Lum, in her sincerity, couldn't help it any longer. The totally imperfect end to a romantic date, a frantic Mendo shifting rapidly between his scathe for Ataru and his concern for the girls, was the sun set of the evening, as both couples wound up laughing themselves into each other's arms.

"**WHAT'S SO FUNNYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!??"** No one told him until he got home, and for days Mendo secluded himself to his room, staying under the covers in fear of the light and in fear of the cramped darkness, an octopus in its pot too afraid to go out.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Yukata of Invincibility! Ataru's Great, Tacky Defender!

* * *

It was hot weather. Far too hot for a Dappya-monster to be standing in the street, fanning his fogged-up helmet with a paper fan. Another Dappya, a smaller and younger one, came out from the back door of a shop followed by a cloud of cool mist grinning.

"It's cold in there, Dappya!" it said to the hot Dappya. The hot one looked back and saw the smaller one wearing tiger-striped yukata robe. The fan-wielder smashed his fan against the coat-Dappya's helmet and knocked him over. "What was that for. Dappya!?"

"It's too hot out for a Yukata, isn't it?" the Dappya asked. "Throw that away, Dappya! It's tacky!"

"I like it" the Dappya admitted, looking at his stylish little robe with a big, fish-lipped grin. Suddenly the waves of heat beat against him and he realized just how hot it was. Panting already, he disrobed from the yukata and tossed it into a trash can. "It's too hot...Dappya."

"Just like I said, Dappya!" the other one said, still fanning himself. Serendipity intervened just then. Walking down the road in his bow-legged, goofy gait was Ataru, on the prowl for market-street girls who were too tired from the heat to argue against him. Finally, he saw one, yawning tiredly with a bag full of food on her arm. The moisture from the bottles of water and juice she carried had condensed and poured away into the bag, weighing it down. Ataru watched the plastic straps of the bag as the heat expanded them and forced them even further toward the ground. She didn't notice, however, until the weight of the bag had completely left her arm. She looked down and watched her groceries fall down to the ground.

"MIIIIISSS!!!!" Ataru shouted, sliding to the rescue. He leaped in just in time, grabbing the shortened bag by the flimsy edges. Suavely, he stood back up with the bottles, one in his grinning mouth, and handed the bundle over to the girl.

"Oh, thank you!" she said gratefully. "Thank you so much!"

"Oh, no problem" Ataru said, throwing his voice expertly until she took the bottle from his mouth and let him grin and giggle. She sighed her heavy mouth and hunched over. "It's so hot! What's with this heat? It's barely even summer yet and we're already in this huge heatwave...eh?" Ataru had already made his move, and she had just now noticed. He was pawing at her shoulders from behind and giggling in a low, lecherous voice.

"Ah, yes" Ataru began, making her shiver from the perverse twistedness in his voice. "It's quite hot indeed. You know what we should do to beat the heat? Let's go on a date, it'll take you mind off the heat!"

"Uh..." the girl groaned awkwardly, keeping him in the cautious corner of her eye. "I don't know...isn't it kinda hot for a date?"

"Nonsense!" Ataru protested jovially. "We'll go get a snow-cone, some shaved ice, you know they'll be selling that! We can just take our clothes off if it gets too hot, or-" A nasty red hand-mark was placed on his face soon thereafter, and he was left alone as the angry, far-too-hot-for-comfort girl stomped away with her bottles awkwardly clumped together in her arms. "Hey, wait! Come back! You don't have to strip entirely, just down to your underwear!" Now he got a sternly-thrown bottle of water to his face that exploded and soaked his clothes. He fell over, half tripping and half being pushed back by force, and looked down at his soaked clothes.

"Aw, dammit" he cursed as he stood up. At first the cool moisture against his skin felt alright, even refreshing, but then it just dragged him down even further in the hot summer heat. He started panting and staggering around as the water in his clothes evaporated and shrunk his shirt in too tight. "Gukh! Too tight! Can't breathe!" Ataru struggled around chaotically for a while, trying to tear his shirt off or lift it over his head or some how remove it, but the fabric had been woven too tight around him to be easily removed. He gasped and panted while crawling around and finally his shirt burst open as it rubbed against the searing hot ground. Now, without a shirt, Ataru was destined to have his bare skin burned.

"Ah hell" Ataru moaned, planting his face on the sidewalk and perking his butt in the air. "It's too hot today...geh..." His last, hot breath out signaled his utter defeat. Even for Ataru it was too hot to girl hunt. That meant it was lethal heat. He listened to the cicadas, most of which sounded just as tired of buzzing as Ataru was of living. He slowly scooted himself across the baking asphalt and lifted his head up to rest his chin on the ground as his cheek was already turning red. In a nearby trash can he spied a strange, tiger-striped garment, and in the heat all he could visualize was Lum leaning against the can as a seat, her knees up and cupped in her hands, her eyes batting innocently, provocatively.

"It's too hot to deal with you..." Ataru moaned. He reached out and pushed the trash can, hoping to jar her and topple her off, which she did and fluttered right down onto him. Clarity resounded through Ataru's mind as his head was covered with the tiger-striped yukata robe from the trash. He got up on his hands and knees, turned around in confusion like a dog, and finally stood up and carefully took the yukata off to eye it down. "What a tacky looking thing" he observed. After a moment or two he decided, against any other reason, to put it on and keep his back from getting baked any further. He stretched a few times, working his back and squatting, leaning and reaching with his arms, and made a happy decision at last. "I like this thing! I think I'll just take it. No reason to let it get dirty in the garbage!" And so Ataru walked back home, full of energy and life, wearing that mysterious alien garb over his back...

* * *

"Huwaaaaahhhh...." sighed a weary, baking Ten. He wore comically big shades and a little sun hat on his head to protect himself from heat stroke and sat in the shade of Kotatsuneko in the lot where he hung out. This weather was perfect for a cold-hating cat like Kotatsuneko, but due to his own preferential hang-ups, he still sat under a working kotatsu. In utter pleasure, the ghost cat gave his own sigh and took out a pipe from under the table. "It's hoooot out, huuuuh?" Ten asked. Kotatsuneko nodded as he lit his pipe and waved the fire from the match away.

Just as all seemed calm and right, as the clouds became static and peaceful overhead and the cicadas all chirped harmoniously with the glee of the hot, summer sun, something terrible happened.

"Haaaah" Cherry sighed as he emerged from his tent, clad only in a thin red loincloth. "Such a blessedly hot day. Surely this is an omen...of what I can't say." He took his ugly face to the sky, shading his eyes with a hand, and got seared by a sudden blast of light from the sun. "GAH! Wickedness! Something flashy and disastrous is on its way!!!" Just then, from one of the lot's openings, Ataru walked by in a happy, long-stride gait wearing his tiger-striped yukata robe. Technically, that was the prophesy being fulfilled, though Ten just hovered up over the kotatsu and turned to chide Cherry.

"It's too hot for prediction!" Ten shouted as Cherry knelt down in pain, begging for mercy of the sun as he rolled and retreated back into his tent. "Idiot. I hope he roasts in there..." Kotatsuneko was in no mood to disagree. He liked it when it was hot. He looked around for a moment and blew a smoke ring away from Ten's space and caught a glimpse of a staring Gen Takamura wearing an undershirt and boxers, wielding a cold plate of freshly prepared sushi. Gen knew fine eating, cold sushi on a hot day. Kotatsuneko shrugged him off with a quick turn of his head and Gen, though miffed, went on his own way eating the sushi. On the first bite, unfortunately, he winced and began sweating. Nothing quite as disappointing as spicy sushi on such a hot day...

Getting back to the star of the story, Ataru finally made it home in an exponentially greater mood than the one he left in, all bright and cheery, a skip and a twirl in each step, and not a bead of sweat across his brow. It was as if, during this intense heat, he was whisked off and away into his own air-conditioned world. He opened the door and hopped out of his sandals and announced his presence in a rising sing-song voice.

"I'm hooome!" His mother leaned out, her hair stringy from the heat, and watched him happily move around, shifting from foot to foot.

"Ataru" she said tiredly, "it's too hot to dance."

"I'm not dancing" Ataru defended. He then began hopping from foot to foot, staying on his toes, feeling light enough to float. "I just can't stop moving! I'll be up in my room! Seeya!"

"Wait a second" he mother halted. Ataru simply ran up the steps and entered his room, ignoring his mother's calls. "Ataru, where'd you buy that tacky yukata in the summer? Was it on sale!?" She blinked twice, shaking her son's financial affairs from her mind, and returned to trying to work in the kitchen once more. It was far too hot to cook, obviously, and her lettuce for chopping had already heated up past an appetizing point. "Who sells yukata's this early in the year...?" she wondered. Upstairs, Ataru ran inside his room and shut the door with a quick spin. Lum was slow to notice, the intense heat even making her lethargic. She was just sitting against the wall reading a magazine full of 'helpful' romantic tips.

"Hi Darling" she greeted, mustering up as much sincerity and care as she could in her lazy attitude. "Poor hunting conditions, eh?"

"I guess so" Ataru said as he sat down with a grin. Lum looked at him, uneasy over his seemingly uncharacteristic good mood. He was never, or at least rarely, that happy to see her first thing. Then she noticed the robe and hovered forward with a grin. Ataru noticed her and held out the fabric for her to touch. "Neat, huh? It's a little tacky, I guess, but wearing it feels so good!" Lum came over and started running her hands on the outside of the yukata, feeling its silky-smooth fur and looking over its slender tiger stripes that mimicked the patterns on her own clothes.

"Darling, it's so handsome on you!" she said excitedly. She bounced around to his front and sat in front of him, leaning in unexpectedly for a sneak-hug that Ataru allowed. "Where'd you find it, anyway?"

"A garbage can!" Ataru proudly admitted. Lum retreated into the air, her arms drawn back and her face plastered with disgust. "It was clean!" Ataru argued. "Perfectly clean, okay? I looked it over, front and back, and there weren't any spots on it at all!"

"Well..." Lum said, "as long as it wasn't dirty, then I guess it's okay, but Darling isn't it too hot for a yukata?"

"What'dya mean?" Ataru asked, fanning the front brim of his coat to blow a refreshingly cool air off his body. "It's not half bad wearing this. I think it's air-conditioned."

"Let me check" Lum said, sneaking in and looking around the back of the robe. Ataru tried to push her away in protest but didn't avail to moving her. Lum found a slim, paper-thin packet on the back with faded alien script that she struggled to read.

"Get outta my coat!" Ataru exclaimed. He continued pushing on her but that only provoked her to fly around and circled his back to come out holding her shoulders and shivering.

"Yeah" Lum confirmed, her breath visible at his face, "it's air-conditioned."

"Took you long enough" Ataru said, glaring her down.

* * *

In time, as the day wore on and the heat continued to drag down the morale of the noble citizens and the Dappya-men retreated in panic to their cooler climate-controlled rooms, Ataru and Lum found themselves in their own comfortable positions. Unfortunately, for Lum's comfort there was a necessary sacrifice of Ataru's comfort, as she refused to leave his yukata which he refused to take off. So he had his arms crossed in protest while she cuddled up close, head in his chest and arms wrapped behind his neck.

"Hey" he said flatly, his face full of irk and annoyance.

"Hmm?" she cutely cooed. Ataru suddenly stood up and started flailing his body back and forth, trying to heave her off him. She thought it was funny, her mood elevated by the cool-air yukata, and giggled as he scornfully threw his back and neck and arms around to try and loosen her.

"You have your own tiger-stripe crap!" Ataru protested. "Get outta my robe!"

"Oh, silly Darling!" Lum said, laughter coating her words. "But I love snuggling with you!"

"No one asked you!" Ataru raged. He reached around his back, trying to wrench her hands apart with all his might, but her stubbornness was far too much of a force for him, a rivaling immovable object to Ataru's impassible and domineering perseverance. Eventually he had grabbed both of her hands in his own and brought them back over his head, holding them in front with a tightly-constrained face of anger. Lum just smiled and held his hands as well, loosening them with her soft, gentle nature, and leaned in to give him a surprise kiss. This surprise he did not accept and pull away at the first sign of her advance.

"Come on" Lum cutely whined.

"No way!" Ataru protested, hopping away from the flying alien's pursed lips.

"Come o~~n" she hummed tauntingly. Ataru's lips were moistening with devious thoughts.

"N-never!" Ataru argued, his brow and lips twitching together. He continued inching back while she inched forward, ever determined to give him a kiss. Suddenly, just as spontaneously as it had begun, the battle stopped as Lum drew away to Ataru's arm length and giggled.

"I'm sorry Darling" she said, letting go of his hands and closing her eyes innocently. "I didn't mean to cause you any discomfort. I'll just get out my climate-control blanket." Lum walked toward the closet, unaware of the precarious predicament she had left Ataru in. Not noticing in her good mood, Ataru was teetering, trying to keep his balance as he stood with his toes on the edge of the rail of his balcony that led straight down into the side-yard. He began stuttering cautious nonsense, swimming his way back up so his hands could latch onto the roof ledge. Then his feet gave way, and with a sharp yelp he slid down, saving himself by the single graceful hair of god by catching the rail with his hands. Now he dangled down over the hard, hot ground below.

"Uh..." Ataru groaned worriedly. He tried to pull himself up with sheer strength, finding it incredibly difficult without any motivation, and his hands began accumulating sweat from the heat of the metal rail that he desperately held. Lum turned around with a blanket in her arms, promptly dropping it and zooming to the window in a hurry.

"Darling!" she exclaimed. "Don't fall!"

"Sure, easy!" Ataru raged back. The heat of the metal rail finally gave its way to Ataru's sweat and he fell down. "UWAAAHH!!!" he shouted, ending suddenly as his back smashed into the ground.

"DARLING!" Lum shouted. She nearly had an anxiety attack and flew down as quick as she could to recover Ataru's body. She first pulled it up out of the ground like a stubborn root and placed him gingerly in her arms, keeping his head in her hand and his surely bruised, or possibly broken, back in a gentle embrace. She was already tearing up. "Darling...no, Darling. Are you alright? Darling!?" Ataru tiredly stirred, sending a warm surge of relief through Lum. She buried her head back into his chest and began breathing deep breaths. "Thank goodness, Darling. I was so worried!"

"Huh?" Ataru groaned. He sat up, stood up, rubbed his head and then stood with his hands on his hips. He tilted his head swiftly from side to side and shrugged his shoulders, cracking his neck joints and then rolled his head around twice. "That...that didn't hurt at all. I didn't feel a thing, it's like I never stopped falling...except for the gravity." Lum got up from her kneeling position and grappled his arm lovingly, letting her tears of sadness show as tears of joy. Ataru was too busy watching his fingers twitch in perfect health to care about her proximity. His mind was already working itself in full gear to make sense of his painless action, and finally he realized what had happened. In that moment he detached Lum from his arm and began running away into the streets.

"Darling?" Lum asked, watching his swift dust trail. She floated up and watched him weave his way through the alleys with an excited speed invoked only from the twisted motivation of- "Darling!" Lum roared. "Get back here! You might be hurt! It's too dangerous for you to go girl hunting!** DARLING!!!**" Her angry, concerned roars flew to deaf ears. Ataru was too excited to care. He had to test it out, he just had to!

* * *

"Excuse me" ataru politely asked with a perverse face, "but how about a date? It's nice and cool inside my yukata!" He got slapped so hard that he was lifted off the ground and spun around while the girl he asked made an angry huffing exit. Ataru landed on his feet and nearly lost his balance, keeping himself standing upright and smiling by continuing the spin he was launched into. Then, with the girl gone, Ataru began a triumphant laugh that drifted away from his regular, goofy voice and trailed into a serious, borderline Mendo-imitation of cackling.

"I get it!" Ataru proclaimed, aiming his head and fist high up to the heavens. "The heavens have blessed me today!" He let his fist bloom open into a gracious open palm and continued reaching. "Finally, after an entire lifetime of punishment without warrant, I have been given compensation! A yukata of **invincibility!** I feel no pain, I suffer from no injury, I am an immortal man, and this magical, heavenly, still tacky yukata has delivered me such power! **AAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!**"

"Darling!" Lum shouted.

"Gah!" Ataru shouted in recoil. "A demon in the sky!" Lum was hovering clearly overhead, her hands on her hips and an angry, toothy scowl across her face.

"I knew you'd be up to no good" Lum said.

"Of course you did" Ataru smugly said, crossing his arms. "I always do this. If it took you all this time to realize what I do daily then, honestly, I've lost a lot of respect for you. I thought you were naïve, but not entirely stupid."

"**You want to die, DON'T'CHA!?!?!?**" Lum roared. She charged up a glaring ball of jagged lightning, wound up her pitching form and threw a heavy bolt of pure electricity at Ataru. "Take that! **DIVINE PUNISHMENT!!!**" Ataru just looked at the lightning, squinting slightly from the brightness, waiting for it to ineffectually strike him. A crater full of smoke and noise surrounded Ataru, the proclaimedly immortal man. Lum hovered down, still fuming with rage but uncertain to her Darling's fate, and waited. The smoke continued to clear, slowly revealing the blurry standing silhouette of a man.

"Hehehe" Ataru laughed. Lum squinted to try and peer through the thick cloud, but still her vision was impeded by the slowly retreating dust she had blasted up. The first thing visible was Ataru's upwards-pointing finger. "I guess you heard already, Lum. This yukata has made me immortal!"

"Don't let a little cool air" Lum chided "get to your head, Darling. You're not immortal. Obviously your cheek's just numb from some other girl slapping you earlier and your back didn't break because you have the devil's luck."

"Oh?" Ataru said. The smoke finally cleared and revealed Ataru, standing straight in a taunting disco-pose and cocking an eyebrow at Lum, **untouched by the lightning.** "Then how do you explain this, eh?" Lum was dumbfounded. She shook it off, however, as it was unbecoming of her.

"Obvious" Lum said. "You've gotten used to my high-voltage attacks. I just needed to make a bigger lightning bolt, that's all."

"Oh, sure!" Ataru yelled sarcastically. "Blow up everyone's houses while you're at it!" Lum turned in a huff and crossed arms in anger. Her cheeks puffed up from her aggravation as well, and she set her sights away from her obnoxious husband. "Anyway" Ataru said, regathering himself for a more pleasant tone, "I'm off to hit on more girls. It's what the heavens mandated by giving me this cool-suit, after all." With that strange logic in mind, Ataru skipped off out of the crater and down the remaining, intact street. Lum, glanced to the side, hoping to catch a regretful look back from Ataru, but instead found a likely source of his acclaimed immortality. She hovered over and went down into the crater, looking at its sides.

"Wait a second" Lum said. She saw her handiwork in the form of arcing streaks of lightning jumping from thick-metal circuit to circuit just under the layer of roasted asphalt. Her scientific mind easily deduced the logical end of Ataru's survival and she gasped. She was right on both previous occasions, and her mind filled with dread over her further being right about her Darling's dire situation. She gasped and, without hesitation, began to give chase desperately after Ataru.

Ataru, meanwhile, was hitting on and being hit by every girl he approached in the park. It was a simple exorcise of repetition and rhythm. He walked up, made a remark in less that three syllables, the girl would get appalled, slap him hard while he giggled and held the mark while she fled. This pattern repeated many times, Ataru simply taking the blows, ignoring the pain of slap-stacked-upon-slap as it wasn't there, and marched through the park in search of a perfect beauty.

"Darling!" Lum called. "Darling, you aren't immortal! You're just lucky! Incredibly stupid and lucky! Please give up before you get seriously hurt!"

"Shut up!" Ataru called back, his cheeks puffed out and pulsing red. "I was given this robe by the powers of heaven itself! It's serendipity! No one else but me can use the powers of the mystical tacky yukata correctly!!!" Lum hovered down to the ground, looking more seductively beautiful than usual in Ataru's eyes, and started walking with swaying hips towards him.

"Who's to say" Lum said, getting right up to press her chest against his "that your way is the best way?" Ataru's eye twitched, not with danger but with excitement. "Why don't you let me try it on...I'm sure I could find another, much more _heavenly use_ for it." With that she winked and turned around. "A girl shouldn't bare too much skin, you know?" Leering out of the corner of her eye with her head turned just over her shoulder, Lum reached behind her back and untied her top. Ataru was salivating. "Can I borrow that...Darling?" Her inflection drove him wild. Billows of steam arose as she turned to accept the robe.

"NO WAY!" Ataru shouted. "This...this is a way better use for it! HEHEHE!!!"

* * *

And that's how Ataru found himself uncomfortably resting in bed, a wet cloth on his head and his head on Lum's folded knees.

"So he just passed out?" Ataru's mother said with distress. Lum nodded and stroked his sweat-soaked bangs.

"It must have been heat stroke" Lum said regretfully. "The air-conditioning module on the back of the yukata must have broken Darling's fall from the balcony. After that I'm surprised he was in just the right place to avoid my shock.

"Well" Mrs. Moroboshi began "that's Ataru for you. No one ever said having the devil's luck is a good thing. And don't worry, Lum. He'll be fine with enough rest and cool water."

"Alright" Lum affirmed. Ataru's mother got up and left the room, knowing Lum was responsible enough to handle an unconscious Ataru on her own. She simply sat, gazing down lovingly at his sleeping, steady face, smiling over her great fortune. "I heard you call my name a few times, Darling" she said with a short titter. "I wonder what you could have been seeing in your heat-induced hallucinations that left you so vulnerable?" As Lum mused Ataru dreamed, dreamed of his future, magnificent Harem where all the girls wore nothing but the sexiest of modern lingerie and tiger-stripped yukata robes.

"Guhahahah!" he laughed atop his silk-spread throne, surrounded by the enticing beauties of Lum and Sakura and Ran and Shinobu and Ryoko and Benten, all exposing the valleys of joy between their buxom bosoms as they leaned in to seductively stare him down. "**I love these tacky things!!!**" And so Ataru harbored a new-found appreciation for tall things tiger-striped...


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Boy who Stared at the Sun.

* * *

The incessant chirping of cicadas, a regular sign of a hot summer's life. The sun cooked the land and baked all of its creatures. The regular, tame street cats and dogs of Tomobiki had long ago gone into hiding from the summer sun and sulked all day at the waving roads they once claimed to own. The people had taken a similar approach to the heat, hiding away in their air-conditioned homes, bemoaning the seemingly endless heat wave that preceded even the summer months.

The most puzzling of affairs persisted in the backs of very few minds. It was barely April and such heat was not only uncommon but downright impossible. Meteorologists worked until they collapsed to try and ascertain the nature of nature's strange happenings, but in their frail state of physicality amplified by the intense heat, such periods of work were markedly short and unproductive. Still, there was little more to do than hope the climate would balance out as the actual summer got closer...

The charming chirping of cicadas was accompanied in one secluded area of dense woods by the sickly groaning of a certain young man. Staring up into the sky with his mouth agape and letting out a prolonged, gurgling moan was the regularly elusive Tobimaro, training in the mountains. He had his tent, his unneeded cooking pot (the sun was hot enough to boil water with a magnifying glass), his armory of baseballs and bats and a pole balanced on two sturdy sticks where he hung all his laundry. Right now the stick was loaded to the point of maximum bending.

"Uuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhh" His groaning threw the cicadas out of tune. His graveling, gargling voice harmonized with no one as his throat vibrated through incredibly hot air. The air itself sometimes left him feeling sick, or perhaps it was the baseballs he had eaten. It was that time of his training, it seemed, where food ran out and baseballs sustained him. His endless pursuit of baseball oneness, a pro career for the Giants, was all he needed to stay alive. Just that hope. Truly he was a fantastic, idiotic specimen of man.

And now that specimen began to choke and gag. He fell to the hot grass and started retching loudly, trying to wrench something out of his throat. After a rough cough he spat out a baseball, perfectly intact, and then fell back onto his rear. He wiped his mouth and looked up at the sky. Even in his passion the sun drained his energies and his eyes only sparkled slightly in place of the usual determined flames.

"Why?" Tobimaro lamented. "All the greatest players are still so far out of my reach. Even though my homerun is perfected, my range within my control, my swings 100% awesome, I cannot live my life on baseball alone! What kind of pathetic player am I to have **women** and **food** and **sleep** come in the way of my pursuit of perfection!?" Tobimaro, despite the sun's harshness, shot up to his feet and stood amongst a fiery field of fierce flames that kicked up from his youthful heart! "**Sadahuru **doesn't have to deal with womeeeen!!!" His completely baseless statement over a baseball great forced him to, once more, hurl up a baseball from deep within his belly. This time he coughed several times and clutched his throat in pain.

"No matter what I try" Tobimaro began in pained reflection "these baseballs never settle in my stomach! I've tried boiling them, baking them, stir-frying them, peeling and sauteing them, straining them for their juice..." Tobimaro let the cicadas stop and think about what he had said while he himself got back up and crossed his arms with a nod. "That may have been one of my worse ideas out here." Finally, the reason for his frustration made itself painfully known. Tobimaro whipped off his upper robes and wiped his brow with them, then threw the sweat-soaked kimono onto the pole which snapped under the pressure.

"It's that damn sun!" Tobimaro said. "The sun is making me weak, draining me of my reason and my vital nutrients, like water! Is water a nutrient! I don't know!" In his excited and impassioned speaking, Tobimaro lurched over with shaking fists and started snarling at the ground. "AAAGH! I'm talking to myself like some kind of sad, obsessed moron! When will the sun's tyranny end!?" Tobimaro turned his sparkling glare upwards, straight at the sun. Despite the myriad warnings his common sense was throwing his way, he refused to look away. He was determined to stare down the sun until he was satisfied that it was beyond his power to quell the merciless heat.

_Maybe I **am** a bit crazy_ Tobimaro admitted internally, _but I would still move that the sun should be blamed for that. There is sucha thing as maddening heat..._ Tobimaro's glare, just as intense as the sun he hatefully glowered at, matched the intensity of the solar orb mark for mark. His eyes became as hot and as bright as the sun itself and dried up instantaneously. In the instant before Tobimaro was rendered blind, he saw something that forced him to tumble backwards in utter disbelief. _Was that real...just now? Did I really see that?...._

"MY EYES!!!" Tobimaro roared in pain. "Oh god, my eyes! I'M BLIND!!!" His comically delayed reaction gave warrant to no assistance. All the way out here, in the hills that bordered his own family's expansive mansion complex, there was no one to hear his hurt cries from far or wide, but through a cosmic bond of sibling love, there was one person who felt it. Upon thrusting yet another pestle through both mortar and table during a tea ceremony practice, Asuka looked up with worry and felt her brother's pain.

"Miss Asuka?" her tutor asked, noting the finer points on a chalkboard and ignoring her destruction. Asuka stood up and dropped the pestle, one made of metal that wouldn't be plainly crushed in her delicate grip. "What's wrong, young mistress?" the girl in blue glasses asked.

"Isn't it a bad omen?" Asuka asked. "If a mortar breaks during a tea ceremony, doesn't it mean that your loved one is in dire trouble?" Asuka turned with a dire look to the guard girl, who sighed and stood up, snapping to attention with a duteous salute.

"We'll look into it, young mistress" she promised. Asuka nodded shyly and sat back down, her elegant robes draping over her legs and falling over her arms in colorful cascades.

"Dearest Big Brother" Asuka whimpered into her sleeve. "Please be alright." Tobimaro, meanwhile, baked in the sun and twitched as his body had finally given in to its horrific exposure. His skin tone had changed to resemble a ripened beet now. Burnt down to his bones.

* * *

Upon recovery and subsequent treatment in his own mansion, Tobimaro was visited by his parents and his submissive sister. To keep her from making his injuries all the more worse, Asuka was bound in heavy metal chains from behind. The chains were attached to a military-grade engine that would pull her in should she get too close and too amorous. Just one of the many precautions she had learned to ignore.

"Oh, son" Mr. Mizunokoji sobbed with his plain, unchanging face. "How could this happen, mother?"

"Oh, boohoo" Mrs. Mizunokoji sobbed with her elegant smile plastered on. "Our poor, foolish son, staying alone for so long in the hot summer sun, all day and night! What a waste!"

"Mother...Father." Finally, he stirred. All bound up in bandages in an elevated bed, tethered down with medical hoses and machines to monitor his vitals, Tobimaro finally was able to move and turned his head to meet his family that had gathered for him so kindly. He was even glad to see Asuka, who was already tearing up. The chains tightened a bit against her, but she didn't seem to mind at all.

"Big Brother" she cooed. "I...I am very glad you are alright! I was very worried about you!" Tobimaro grinned as wide as he dared, careful not to agitate his already tortuously injured skin. He was glad that she wasn't trying to pounce on him, but he didn't voice it openly.

"It was Lady Asuka" a girl in blue glasses began "that ordered for your search and rescue, young Master. You might be in even worse condition if not for her."

"That's correct, Tobimaro" Mrs. Mizunokoji said with a nod. She placed a hand at Asuka's shoulder, allowing her to take in all the credit for his safety. "Your little sister's perfectly normal, platonic sibling love for you is what saved you. Nothing perverted about her at all. Not anymore..." So proud was she in her own faith that she nearly died in the fall to the floor when Asuka leaned forward and uttered the following.

"Would you like me to sleep with you until you heal, Big Brother?" Her mother's face went through the floorboards and hit the actual ground. Her husband followed down and landed sideways with his arms crossed.

"Our hopes may have been set to high" he said underneath the foundation. She just got made and shook with rage. Asuka advanced a few steps, but stopped at Tobimaro's very slow head shaking.

"It's better for me to heal alone" he said. "Besides, I don't want you suffering from anything I may have. I will be fine in time, Asuka." She was so comforted that she backed her self off and overfed the engine with her chain, causing it to stall and stop, leaving her restraints oddly relaxed. Once his parents were pulled up from the floor and the hole was boarded up by some stand-by carpenters, Tobimaro caught everyone's attention in the beginning of his explanation.

"I know" Tobimaro began "what did this to me. It was the sun, the blasted sun burnt my skin and nearly killed me! However, it isn't a rare occurance for a summer sun to burn one's skin if one isn't prepared."

"That goes without saying" his mother agreed. "All of the men in our family tend to have fair and easily-burnt skin, just like you, Tobimaro."

"Mother" Tobimaro began, "do you not find it odd that it is so very hot so early in the year...?" That question, oddly, had never been raised to her mind before. She had to think about it for a moment and a half while Asuka motioned to answer.

"Yes" Asuka said. "The cycles of seasons are not as I learned. It's too hot to be spring right now. That's why there aren't as many healthy Sakura trees right now."

"Exactly!" Tobimaro exclaimed, sitting up. He froze up in pain and was lying back down and crying. "That's right....Asuka."

"Are you okay?" Asuka asked. "Maybe you should try and stay still."

"I will try" Tobimaro said. "As I blacked out from staring so deeply at the sun, I realized the true reason for this insane heat. It has nothing to do with out planet or even our own sun...there's something more to it than that."

"How so?" Asuka asked.

"Perhaps he means" mother began "he saw some kind of space-based anomaly that is triggering this weather...but a question still remains."

"What?" Tobimaro asked. His mother thrust an accusatory finger his way and stood up to further provoke her purpose.

"You are an idiot, Tobimaro!" she shouted. "How could you understand something as complex and scientific as a space anomaly!?" His father was shocked by her logic! Asuka laid down with her wrist on her head and bemoaned her poor brother's idiocy. Tobimaro was just...miffed. He half-expected something like that to happen but it didn't make his brow furrow any less that she was honest. And it didn't make his skin hurt any less from furrowing his brow that much...

* * *

At the Mizunokoji top secret space-research observatory, somewhere within the deep reaches of the wooded complex, a staff of trained astronomers in lab coats and regulation short-shorts and yellow tops looked through each scope and lens and long-distance camera, nearly top of the line technology that the Mendo family had either abandoned or hadn't invested in yet, staring at the sun through their already sun-proof blue glasses. Mrs. Mizunokoji stood watch at the entrance to the sterile-white facility and watched them as they worked fervently to appease her.

"Ma'am!" a girl peering through a huge telescope called. "I think young master Tobimaro was really on to something! Come take a look!" Mrs. Mizunokoji walked her way over to the giant observer where the girl who called her jumped down from her chair and offered her a pair of sun-blocking lenses.

"Does that gigantic thing" she began "not already have some means of blocking the sunlight installed?"

"It does" she said "but it's mostly meant for night-time observation, so the blockage isn't exactly right for looking straight at the sun. You'll need the extra protection." Mrs. Mizunokoji nodded and allowed the handmaiden to equip her graceful lady with the thick, black shades. She then hopped up to the seat in a single bound and sat daintily in the seat with her legs folded under her, ever a traditionalist Japanese woman. Once her seat was lowered and the device adjusted just so by the technicians, she peered through and closed one eye. She saw the sun only in its flaming outline of dark orange and dim yellow. Even so, with all her protection equipped, it stung her eyes and forced her to squint slightly.

"I don't see anything unusual" Mrs. Mizunokoji reported. "Amaterasu still retains her heavenly form."

"Let your eyes adjust, m'lady" a technician called. "It may take a few moments of direct staring, but eventually you will see..." She kept staring just the same, keeping her gaze fixed straight at the center of the celestial sphere of fire. Once the vision seemed to blur appropriately she could see the outline of the sun just a little better, as well as the other static sphere located down near the sun's lower right edge, pulsing out its own flames.

"Wait a moment" she remarked, "it seems there is something else near the sun..."

"That's it!" a technician confirmed. After a long mechanical whining from some calculation machines another girl ran out into the floor with a long string of symbols and scientific shorthand jargoned in black ink.

"We know what it is!" she announced. Mrs. Mizunokoji leaped down from her seat and took her shades off, immediately overcome by the natural low lighting of the place and thrown limply to her knees. Unable to see she was offered help up by two of the scientists and rubbed at her eyes with a dainty smile.

"What?" she asked.

"According to our readings and images taken" she said, holding up a gray-scale picture of the sun with a smaller body exactly where Mrs. Mizunokoji had seen it, "there is **another, smaller sun in close orbit with our own!**"

"Are you serious!?" the technicians and scientists blared out. A ruckus of scathing jeering and panic began to echo out and the esteemed Mrs. Mizunokoji was taken from the room by her aides while the doors closed, leaving the bickering and chaos to echo in silence. She had understood approximately what was wrong, but even in her greatest motherly wisdom she had no idea what to make of the situation, especially not from a logistical or astronomical stand point.

"Shut down the complex" she hastily ordered. "From what I've learned, the heat is caused by an additional sun. We can't let any of that perplexing heat damage the fair skin of anyone else here. Not Asuka, my beloved daughter, or any of the waiting women or her tutors or her trainers or her watchers, or me especially...or my husband! No one may be permitted outside until this pandemic is over!" As always, despite her intensity of planning, her gentle tone and perpetual smile only made her point seem vague and emotionally twisted.

The doors slammed open, the rampaging cat-fight within audible for a moment, and the frizzy-haired woman who instigated it with her claims shut the doors behind her panting. The picture in her hand was still intact, as well as most of the slip of paper she had clutched in her fist.

"Ma'am" she said ,grabbing her lady's attention for a moment. "I propose an expedition immediately!"

"Expedition?" Mrs. Mizunokoji asked. "To space? Preposterous. No one has such technology to travel so far into space, let alone to the sun!" The guards stayed silent for a bit, hoping the smile on her face meant she was joking. She was not.

"Don't you know, madam?" a guard whispered into her ear. "That Moroboshi is in the know with a myriad of aliens from outer space. He has regular access to space-traveling equipment." She just blinked and led on further silence. "The young master and mistress were in space some time back? On another planet? Remember...?"

"Contact Ataru Moroboshi at once!" she demanded suddenly. "If anyone he, with his many extraterrestrial connections, should have the resources to make such an expedition possible!" The scientist girl was brimming with enthusiasm. The guards turned around, about their madam's face, and sighed. Thankfully, knowing such a result was imminent, Ataru was already in mid-contact.

* * *

"Oh really?" Ataru said with a slight giggle. He brought his right leg up to scratch the back of his left in the hallway. The heat wave hit his house with just as much force as every other, but fate had been conspiring against him once more and his family's air-conditioning bill was just report as overrun and now there was no cold air. To that end he was dressed down only to his boxers and his newly repaired tiger-striped yukata robe. He stayed cool while the rest of his family suffered and scowled at him in passing, and now he was hogging the phone talking to girls.

"I bet that'd look good on you!" He said with another perverse giggle after. The girl in blue glasses on the other end was near her breaking point and her mouth quivered sickly. Talking to this guy took every ounce of her self-control not to just slam the phone down and break it.

"Oh, you think so?" she said in the sweetest voice possible. "I was thinking about getting the green one with stripes. It reminds me of a watermelon, and since summer is kinda close..."

"Oh yeah!" Ataru agreed vigorously. "I bet you'd wear that good too, HEHEHEE!" That was her limit. She departed, holding her mouth, and set the phone face-down on her desk. Another guard girl came by with a stern and serious face, mouth full of pre-planned demands and statements to control and subdue the perverted, voracious Ataru Moroboshi. She began with a blaring, demanding tone.

"Ataru Moroboshi!" she shouted with command into the phone, causing Ataru on the other end to recoil and stumble slightly. "This is, and has been, the Mizunokoji Manor. We have made a list of demands of you for an upcoming project, and humbly ask for your participation!" Ataru was cleaning his ear, making sure he hadn't gone deaf, and carefully switched the phone to his other ear as she talked to him.

"So you're giving me a choice?" he asked. "If you're making demands, babe, shouldn't you say that I've got no choice?"

"That isn't important right now" she said, unwilling to argue semantics with this man. "We have recently discovered the source of the intolerable heat wave to be an extra solar body orbiting near the Sun, causing an increase in residual heat and light being passed through the Earth's atmosphere. We require a space-travel worthy vessel to undertake a manned operation to attempt to extinguish or otherwise move the new sun and prevent a global meltdown."

"That sounds familiar" Ataru noted. "Mendo called me earlier and shouted at me to use Lum's spaceship. I guess this is what it's for."

"What!?" she shouted, becoming flustered. She palmed the receiver of the phone and turned with panic to her fellow gathered guards. "The Mendo family beat us to the punch again!"

"Use your feminine charm!" a girl shouted. "He'll give it to us if you say something sexy!" Now she was frightened. The thought of speaking to Ataru Moroboshi extensively already gave her chills. Now she had to pander to his disgusting libido!? She cleared her throat and put on her most seductive face possible, then leaned the phone against her shoulder and ear so she could put her hands up to her chest and puff out something seductive for him to consider.

"Of course..." she began, "you'd be the manliest part of the mission if you were to go along with us...it's just going to be us girls for who knows how long, alone in space..." The girls were hushing her and waving negatively with panicking arms.

"Really?" Ataru asked, sounding apathetic. "I guess I'd go then."

"NO!" she shouted, holding the phone away and palming the reciever again. "He accepted! What have I done!?"

"You got too into it!" another girl said.

"You imbecile!" one accused with flashing fangs. "We shouldn't have trusted you! You couldn't talk dirt to dirt!"

"What's that supposed to mean!?" she roared back. A cat-fight was on the verge of breaking out when another click was heard. Another phone picked up the conversation and split it three ways.

"Darling?" Lum asked.

"Lum?" Ataru replied. "What're you doing? Since when was there a phone in the bathroom?" Lum had taken to beating the heat by staying soaked in the tub for most of the day, a usual practice for the forgivably lazy alien girl during the off-months of spring and summer. It was especially calming when she knew her Darling was calling other girls on the phone all day. Now she hacked into the phone transmission with her alien device and listened in from the bubbly bath she laid in.

"Since I brought it" she explained. "Are you still talking to Mendo about that space mission?"

"Nope" Ataru said. He snapped his fingers. "Ah, that's right! I put him on hold a half-hour ago when some girl called!"

"What?" Lum demanded.

"Don't be alarmed, miss Lum" the Mizunokoji girl said in her duteous, stern voice. "It wasn't a call for pleasure, I assure you." Ataru set up the phone to connect Mendo into the conversation as well.

* * *

The sweaty prince in his loose, traditional Japanese robes sat in the middle of a shallow pool that used to be a collection of ice and fans. The fans, however only made yelling at Ataru harder, so off they went and the ice was swiftly melted.

"Moroboshi?" Mendo asked. He started off calm, then erupted into an empassioned roaring. "YOU BASTARD! How are you keep me waiting so inexorably long! I should have the hit I placed on you unrevoked!"

"You did what!?" Lum exclaimed.

"Miss Lum!" Shutaro said with great worry. "M-my apologies. I thought Moroboshi had reconnected our previous call..."

"I did" Ataru said.

"Hello, young master Shu-chan" the girl greeted.

"Moroboshi!" Mendo began, "would you mind informing me of what I've been dragged into? Why am I on the line with someone from the Mizunokoji complex?"

"How'd you know so fast!?" Ataru asked in wonderment.

"I have an idea" Lum said, interjecting actual reason back into the conversation. "Why not make it a joint operation, this trip into space, between the Mendo and Mizunokoji families?"

"It's not so simple, Miss Lum" Mendo began.

"Indeed" the girl added, cutting Mendo off and creasing his forehead with anger. "The Mizunokoji family is in direct competition with the Mendo family. To side with them on any project would be, among other things, an unfitting thing to do. Should we agree to such an arrangement, I'm sure the Mendo family would have some bizarre conditions to be met so their own assets are within their control and level of comfort."

"Untrue" Shutaro defended. "The Mendo family would never negotiate a biased deal, whether it benefited us or not."

"Is that how you got to be so successful?" Ataru asked.

"No" Mendo explained. "That was all regular business, taking the beneficial deals while making less beneficial deals work for us through forceful negotiation." Mendo bit his tongue, realizing just who he had said all of that to. The girl crossed her arms and became cross but felt pleasantly vindicated at the same time. Lum twirled her hair in the bath and strained the bubbles from her bangs with a grin, entertained over the whole thing.

"Well" she began again, acting as the negotiator in this cross-fire, "I'll most certainly agree to end you my own resources to take a trip into space...but only if you can find a way to work it out evenly between both families." There was a short silence, interrupted by Ataru's own breathing and his uneven motions of scratching himself on the back.

"Very well" Mendo agreed. "I shall schedule a meeting immediately and reconvene with the Moroboshi residence at some later date."

"I hope you can talk fast" the girl said. "According to our calculations, this heat is only going to get worse." She hung up.

"Farewell, Miss Lum" Mendo said. "I thank you for your assistance." He hung up without even acknowledging Ataru, not that he was at all surprised about it.

"Well that was weird" Ataru noted. "I guess one way or another we're taking a trip up to the sun, Lum."

"What!?" she squealed. "The sun!? Are you insane!?" Ataru heard her stand up in the bath and immediately hung up the phone, unable to deal with a panicking and emotionally fervent alien woman. After a brief and peaceful pause he heard a door open upstairs and cringed slightly. A bubble-soaked, towel-clad Lum floated down and latched her hands onto his shoulders, lightly shaking him. "I didn't know you were going to the sun! Darling, that's suicidal! Even my ship would burn up if it got too close!" Ataru forced Lum to the ground where she was less exposed. After realizing what he had done to prevent any embarrassing slip-ups she tugged down on her towel and blushed, bearing her fangs slightly while Ataru just stared her down.

"Well" he began jovially and care-free, "what's done is done! Maybe you shouldn't be making promises without knowing the full length of the consequences, huh?"

"It's not my fault I'm too nice!" she argued, still blushing, though more from her anger now than her embarrassment. "No one has a ship that can go that close to a star, not even a small one like the Sun!" Ataru began walking away as she ranted, but turned around just before reaching the steps, looking cool as he turned around to face her again. With a cool grin he faced her, eye to eye, and defied her entirely with a simple statement of

"Oh yes we do!"

"No we don't" Lum said in correction. Ataru folded his arms together and tilted his head onto his shoulder.

"Oh, we don't?" he asked.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Hottest Topic: The Gathered Reporters on the Mission to the Sun!

* * *

The meetings were held. Negotiations were called. Questions were answered. The media was sedated as much as possible to drown out the conspiracy theories that circulated about an Armageddon-sized explosion coming from the eventual destruction of the tiny solar body orbiting the already prominent star of the celestial system. Both parties, Mendo and Mizunokoji, showed the limits of their individual participation by having the heads of each family appear in person for a public forum on the event, a trip to the sun. The whole world was abuzz with excitement over this grand happening, one that held as much dread as it did eagerness in anticipation. Shutaro peaked out at the gathered crowd of bustling humans readying their notepads and then drew the curtain stealthily back as he retreated.

"It's a public affair out there" he said, straightening the white tie of his white suit. The theme of his monotonic color was only broken up by the light-blue shirt under his white outer suit that gave him a bit more presence than did a pure, stark-white suit like he normally wore. He even had a ceremonial scabbard and sword tied around his waist, all white with a gilding of golden floral patterns near the actual open sheathe. He tightened his cufflinks and glanced to his side, keeping his eyes there while he worked out one wrist and switched to the other. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah" Ataru said, trying to pry off his bow-tie with both arms. "Can you help me out with this?" Ataru wore a more traditional black-and-white tuxedo with a red elastic bow-tie around his neck. Mendo had instructed one of his guards who helped Ataru get dressed to tighten the tie as much as possible without directly injuring him, just his passive-aggressive way of justifying having to be in the same forum as Ataru Moroboshi. Mendo smirked and finished his own work before happily helping out Ataru. He loosened the tie and made it more suitable for Ataru's neck to wear.

"Thanks" Ataru said.

"Don't mention it" Mendo said. "Is Miss Lum ready yet?"

"Who knows?" Ataru asked. Mendo took his apathy personally, predictable to Ataru, who smugly turned on the spot and caught his slicing sword. Remembering his place on easily penetrated media-frenzy ground, Mendo quickly sheathed his sword and Ataru pocketed his hands, mimicking Mendo's act in display that his hands too were weapons worth hiding. At least, that's how Mendo took it and kept Ataru in the corner of his smug scowl until his sword clicked back in place. Then he brushed back his hair and held up a hand to Ataru.

"Lum is the centerpiece of our discussion" Mendo calmly noted. "She is a necessity to the entire debate that is sure to ensue. If she is not ready, then the meeting cannot go underway."

"I see how that's a problem" Ataru admitted "but how is it my problem?"

"Should you not keep tabs" Mendo asked "on your housemates?"

"What is she, my wife?" Ataru asked, taking slight offense. Mendo took even worse offense. His fingers began twitching and his face fell disturbingly flat as his head clicked its way out of place and onto his shoulder. He was tempted to take another deep swing at Ataru, and lowered his hand and fumed his breath to do so, but was stopped by the sudden entrance of a frantic reporter.

"Mr. Shutaro Mendo!" he shouted, in close retreat of the charging Mendo guards. "Can you give me an exclusive-" Tackle! He was grounded, his mouth taped and a bag thrown over his head as the guards took him up by the ankles and shoulders and ran him through a backstage exit that led out of the media grounds. Ataru and Mendo both watched the occurrence, Mendo with passive disinterest and Ataru with a gaping mouth and cocked eyebrows.

"...Mendo" Ataru began, "why did that happen?"

"Darling!" Lum called from behind. Mendo set his sights past Ataru and onto Lum, then forced him with a swift kick to the shin to turn around as well. Though he was hesitant at first, seeing Lum's sparkling gown in the backstage light. It was, predictably, tiger-striped up and down. It was long and slender, hugging her naturally curvy form and flowing out past her hips with slits at her sides. At its ends and at her shoulders it ended in sandy-colored frays of fur. Her hair was done up expertly by the Mizunokoji beauty technicians in a Chinese style bun and tied around itself like a green, spiral-petaled flower. Her eyes were emphasized in their beauty even more by the green liner and the supple curves of her lips shone with a seductive red. Mendo was drooling. Ataru....just looked at her as she floated down on her elegant heels to his side.

"Ta-da!" she exclaimed, latching to his arm. "What do you think, Darling? Don't I look gorgeous?"

"I don't know" Ataru said flatly. He reached up and started rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I haven't seen you gorgeous before, so how would I know?" Lum, instead of lashing out violently like Mendo thought she would and braced for by making sure he was standing on something that wouldn't transfer electricity, just laughed as her Darling laughed and slowly reached her hand up to his face.

"Miss Lum, wait a moment!" Mendo shouted. Lum turned to him, venting all her visible anger at him through her clutched teeth and glaring, flaring eyes while Ataru kept her terrible, clawed hand at bay. "Please, wait until after the forum. I don't want any of us to have to answer questions regarding Moroboshi's bleeding face!"

"No one wants to answer that" Ataru said, keeping her hand from his face. Lum agreed with a huff and lowered her hand to latch back to her Darling's arm and yank him in closer. She leered over at him and caught his nervous attention. He knew he was in an undefendable position and just smiled as he walked her into position behind the huge, opaque curtain. Mendo followed them, once again brushing his hair back with his hand to smooth it down. A kuroko, hiding in the darkness, handed him a comb which he took without a second notice to the man's existence.

* * *

"Any word from my sister?" he asked the kuroko after setting his hair properly.

"No sir" the kuroko answered. "She has yet to accept or decline the forum invite."

"Honestly" Shutaro groaned, tossing the comb back to the darkness. "She's bound to make a spectacle of herself if she does show up, and she doesn't even know what's going on today! That troublesome sister of mine..." Mendo began a march to his position behind the curtain and got himself into place, standing with a dignified hand to his chest and a regal, high-society look upon his face. He glanced over and saw, to his surprise, that Ataru looked just as serious as he with Lum lovingly clutched to his arm. They looked like a better couple than his parents across from them, who stood only side by side with his father in a plain gray business suit and his mother in her fanciful Japanese kimono all colored up with vibrant patterns of octopi and flying birds.

_Now or never_ he thought with an internal sigh.

_I'm hungry_ Ataru thought, keeping his face as serious and straight as he could. Lum's mind raced with her own mixture of imperceptible alien muttering at her rage towards Ataru and her fawning over her proximity to him. It was impossible to easily decipher into a written word...

Mendo's parents stood side by side and thought nothing at all, as they intended to escape questioning by simply blending into the furniture they sat on in front of the gathered crowd and passing the responsibility of quelling such an enormous media frenzy to their son. After a few moments of consensual silence, Mrs. Mendo spoke up to her husband.

"Where is Ryoko?" she asked.

"No one seems to know" Mr. Mendo answered. "She never accepted or directly declined the invitation to the forum, and if she had accepted she would have little to talk about as she isn't involved in the project."

"Such a pity" she said. "She just hasn't been getting out regularly. I fear for her."

"...We all fear for her in one way or another" he said, under his breath and off to the side. Ataru observed them talking and gathered, through their lip movement, that Ryoko might not show. He glanced over at Mendo, ready to ask him the obvious question, but the curtain was already being drawn.

"Smile, Darling" Lum said. "Once we're in sight they'll be taking hundreds of pictures per second!"

"I think that's an exaggeration" Ataru said, loosening his bow-tie slightly. As the red curtain raised up and the Mendo seal on the front continued to draw away, the crowd was slowly revealed in the giant, open ground where the reporters were forced to gather. Despite his best discipline, Ataru couldn't help but be shocked into swallowing a big nervous lump when he saw the thousands of people gathered under loosely organized sections marked off by national flags.

From high up on the elevated balcony where the apparently esteemed members of the forum stood it looked like a churning and excited ocean of people, tossing papers and notepads about as foaming waves. The entire Mendo mansion complex was taken up by human traffic and fenced in by a powerful cooling system that prevented the hot suns from beating them all into submission with heat. Every nation on Earth, the entire earth itself, was represented at this forum of magnanimous, worldly importance. Ataru glanced at Mendo quickly to see just how cool and composed he was by comparison. There was no comparison. Mendo was glowing in this light. He obviously lived for this attention and was reveling in it.

_Oh sweet, merciful lord no_ Mendo thought. _I have to sneeze. I have to sneeze so badly...Moroboshi, damn you!_ Lum was waving and grinning while Ataru just tried not to look any more nervous or out of place while he slowly moved into place at the beat of the Mendo-symphony anthem. After a measured time of camera flashes and orchestral music, the members of the forum were seated in the order where they entered, meaning Ataru was at the center of hundreds upon thousands of journalistic photos. Thousands of curses just waiting to happen for him, but that misfortune just went passively by him.

Finally, the first question came. The lot was drawn from a gilded, golden octopus-catching pot next to Mr. Mendo and the number was read off from his esteemed, mustached mouth.

"Number 7354426" he read. Ataru gaped at the incredulous of the number as a single man among the sea of people cheered and his fellow journalists from America cheered for him. Ataru turned to Mendo, leaning against his chair armrests and whispered a question.

"Mendo, is that how many people are here?" he asked. Mendo just looked at him with a half-raised eye.

"They're all random numbers" Mendo said. "We thought it would be better for the people who truly wanted to be heard if they had to memorize a complicated series of numbers. That way only responsible journalists would get a chance to ask us important questions."

"Ah, I see" Ataru said, leaning back into his seat.

"Do you really?" Lum asked him quietly.

"Rich people are weird" Ataru simply observed. The Mendo guards moved hastily through the crowd with their wireless audio amplification equipment in hand and gave the man a microphone to speak into. He moved to the front of his group and spoke in the clearest Japanese he could.

"This question is for Shutaro Mendo" he said. Shutaro stood up and approached a pedestal with a microphone on it to address the following question. "Could you please clarify the rumors about the discovery of this extra sun in our solar system? Is it true that your childhood rival, Tobimaro Mizunokoji, saw it first and his estate sold the information directly to you?"

"Hmph" Shutaro began arrogantly. He swept his hair back in his outlandishly cocky hand motion and stood up straight to the microphone. "What an exaggerated misunderstanding. No, in fact eh..heh-hah, HA-**KACHOOO!!!!**" The sneeze was so sudden that the entire crowd was paralyzed with curiosity. Ataru and Lum both plugged their ears preemptively to prevent the extremely loud sneeze from bothering them as much as the undefended people. A brief silence passed through the crowd. A strand of hair drifted down over Mendo's frazzled face and he leaned forward to finish. "Yes, we did" he summed. All that charisma, broken so suddenly, it was like an earthquake. So many people hit the ground. Even his father stumbled out of his chair but quickly recovered. Mendo sat back down and tried to recollect his charismatic energies in preparation for the next lot.

"Nice job, buddy!" Ataru whispered.

"Go to hell, Moroboshi" Mendo quietly sobbed.

* * *

Mr. Mendo drew the second lot. The number was a hysterical coincidence, and was replied by a native Japanese professional reporter.

"2" Mr. Mendo announced. Ataru buckled forward and stomped his foot to reel himself back and breath long, gathered breaths.

"Yes" the reporter began into his microphone. "I would like to address this question to Lum Invader." Lum gave a quick grin to Ataru and floated over to the pedestal. Some parts of the world had forgotten about her debut when the Oni came to take the planet and were surprised to see her flying. Regardless, she approached the microphone and gave a light titter with her saccharine grin. "Will the funding from the combined resources of the Mendo and Mizunokoji estates be enough to procure an adequate space vessel from your people?" Lum started with an innocent laugh.

"They aren't paying for it" Lum said. "I'm getting them a ship for free." For that she got a round of applause. The question was answered and the guards pulled away. Lum went back to her seat all glowing and chipper, shaking Ataru's hand and asking for his appraisal on her performance.

"You did better than Mendo" Ataru said. Lum became lightly flustered.

"That's not saying much" she whined. She looked over to Mendo, who was crouched over himself, propped up by his sheathed sword, swallowed by a deep depressing darkness. "Uh...sorry Shutaro." Mr. Mendo drew the next lot.

"4" he announced.

"That doesn't seem as random" Ataru noted.

"I didn't write the lots, young man" he said back, throwing the lot to the side.

"Those are all hand written...?" Ataru asked. The holder of that number, a German reporter, was all the way across the field from the Japanese where the Mendo guards just were. It took a full minute to get to them and a big-bodied man with two pads, one holding a translation to his question and the other blank and awaiting an answer, moved out to receive the microphone.

"This question is for Lum to address" he announced. Again, Lum got up and floated over to the stage with her hands folded and her lips beautifully curved in an innocent little grin. "Will the vessel to be procured be given a commemorative name? Such as a name given after the Mendo or Mizunokoji estates?" Lum turned her head and pressed on her chin in thought.

"I'm...not sure" Lum said. "To tell the truth, I haven't found a vessel or crew that's willing to take part in the mission just yet, so naming the ship itself is a bit of a stretch for me." The crowd erupted based on the interpretations. It all came down to her line of not having a ship, however, that seemed to wreck the diplomacy of the gathered masses. Ataru suddenly appeared and jerked Lum back into her seat.

"Bad move, Lum" Ataru said. Lum was confused.

"Unfortunately" Mendo began, fully gathered, "Moroboshi is right. The last thing these people wanted to hear was that we don't even have a ship to use yet..."

"Oopsie" Lum exclaimed. "Sorry!" The crowd took quite a while to cool down, but eventually (two hours later) Mr. Mendo was informed that peace had been restored and also that as a result of the chaos and rampaging riotous behavior the on-sight infirmary was full. Regardless, he drew the next lot.

"1967" he announced. This time it was yet another Japanese journalist, dressed in dark clothing despite the hot sun and wearing a brimmed hat to hide his face. The microphone came up to him hastily and he approached it with his arms holding pad and pen.

"This question" he began "I would like to address to Ataru Moroboshi." The crowd bustled with curious murmuring. Ataru approached the pedestal to confront the constant indirect barrage of negativity that was spoken about him. He felt his nose itch from over a thousand-fold rumoring comments, all of them undoubtedly about his ineptitude at anything intellectual.

_Bastards_ he cursed, staving his brow from twitching but letting his eyes angrily squint as much as they wanted.

"In your opinion" the reporter began, sounding quite cocky for some reason, "what is the projected success rate for this mission based on the other missions you have undertaken in a space or space-like setting using alien technology in the past?" Ataru gave it a moment of stern and extremely deep thought, tilting his head and cupping his chin, looking at the sky above and then all around at the sea of journalists waiting on bated breath for his response. He worded his answer in a way that resounded equally in all languages.

"Huh?" he grunted. The reporter grinned while everyone else did a handless push-up. Mendo shot up from his chair in utter rage.

"Moroboshi!" he shouted. "Are you completely unaware of how many people are depending on the answers given from this forum to help them understand the direness of the global situation!? This is a pandemic!"

"Come on, Darling!" Lum said, sounding more empathetic than scathing. "Just say something smart to give them a bit of confidence?"

"Excuse me" the reporter continued, uninterrupted by the guards who were busy recovering KO's bodies from the field. "I would like to address Shu-chan now."

"Wait a moment" Shutaro said. He turned to the crowd and found that man with the microphone and rushed to the edge of the balcony to glare him down. "It can't be..."

"Given the staff at hand and their experience in space exploration" he continued "should the Mendo estate consider waiving their control of the operation over to the Mizunokoji estate?" Mendo shoved Ataru away and grabbed the microphone from the pedestal.

"Silence!" he harshly demanded. "I'm not sure how you got here or why you're trying to sabotage this meeting, but I have seen through your ruse...**Ton-chan!!!**" Tobimaro tilted his head up and let his sparkling eyes shine forth into the air. He grabbed his stuffy clothes and tore them off with swift, expert hands to reveal his regular samurai-style garb underneath. His skin was perfectly fine now thanks to the extreme care his staff had taken in curing his seemingly incurable condition.

"I knew your incompetence would ruin this day on its own" Tobimaro announced, his hair blowing in imaginary wind. "I just wanted to make sure you would place the final nail in your own coffin! A guaranteed victory!" Suddenly the suns were blocked out by an enormous cloud that captured the attention of everyone conscious. Tobimaro looked up heroically. Mendo looked up, concentrating his rage towards the huge, opaque object in the sky. An enormous zeppelin was flying in front of the clouds and throwing a hailing rain of papers down into the crowd. Each sheet of paper had a hand-drawn and photo-copied picture of Shutaro flashing a peace sign with his face realistically replaced with an octopus and the heading 'Octo-taro' in bold print across the top and in caligraphy along the bottom. Just another sabotage on Shutaro's reputation form a reliably predictable source...

* * *

"Hohohoho!!!" the menacing female voice from the zeppelin cackled. "I'm here, brother dear! I can't believe you would start the party without me!!!"

"That voice...!" Mendo growled with dread. Ataru chuckled gleefully and clapped his hands together with excitement.

"Ryoko-chan!" he exclaimed.

"Her?" Lum said, more curious than angry at Ataru's predictable behavior. "I thought she wasn't suppose to be here, right?" She addressed this question to Mr. and Mrs. Mendo who were already being escorted away to safety by the Mendo guard.

"I'm sorry" Mr. Mendo said, "you'll need to wait until I draw your lot to ask a question."

"Hey!" Lum shouted as they retreated behind the stage and out of sight. She went to Ataru and grabbed his arm. "Darling, what should we do? This whole thing has fallen apart!"

"SHOOT HER DOWN!!!" Mendo ordered. A militia of Mendo guards in black flak jackets and bandanas wielding rocket-launchers appeared and shot a volley of missiles up at the balloon.

"How cruel of you, brother" Ryoko called. "I just wanted to be a part of this family event!"

"You don't even know what's going on!" Mendo roared into the microphone. Tobimaro looked up at the chaos as a manly tear formed in his eye. He clutched his fist hard and held a baseball hat like a sword in his other hand as he tilted his head towards the darkened sky.

"I've done it" he said. "By inviting Ryoko to the forum, even at the expense of my own health, I have ruined Shu-chan's reputation...I have won the never-ending war!" And just as he reveled in the first feeling of true victory he had ever felt from his life of competition with Shutaro, a cache of grenades fell down from the zeppelin above and settled at his feet. His victory was over as his life of torment at Ryoko's hands flashed before his eyes...

In the gigantic explosion Tobimaro was chucked into the air and right on top of Shutaro on the balcony. Lum hid behind Ataru who just stood and let the world collapse around him. The entire world watched this display of uncontrollable military force used for the fleeting and trivial means of sibling rivalry develop until all the cameras were destroyed and the fates of the world's reporters were left unknown...

The aftermath. A terrible warzone. Bombs had cratered the landscape in scorching ruins of doom and destruction. The zeppelin crashed and was being extinghised so the rest of the forest didn't catch fire. Ataru and Lum stood side by side, his hands in his pockets and hers clasped together with liquid-filled eyes that held back the tears worked up from watching the sibling war.

"That was terrible..." she lamented.

"It was bound to happen" Ataru said with a flat shrug. "You know how these guys are." Lum straightened up and wiped her melodramatic tears away.

"Yeah, I guess so" she flatly said. "So, what about the rest of the forum?"

"I have a question" a struggling voice said. Ataru and Lum both followed it and saw a reporter from Japan crawling up the vertical wall with a torn pad and broken pen clutched for dear life in his hands. He stopped and caught his breath there on the floor before them while they just looked at him until he was ready to ask his question.

"What's up?" Ataru asked.

"Who will be in the crew for the mission?" he asked. "Will you be requesting the expertly-trained NASA astronauts from America for the job?"

"Oh no" Lum said with a wave of her hand. "Me and Darling are among the most qualified people on Earth for operating a spaceship."

"...eh?" Ataru grunted.

"Aside from us, the fastest learner about complicated stuff like that would have to be Shutaro." Mendo rose himself up from a pile of heavy solid rubble, straightening his suit and turning quite suspiciously in Ataru's direction.

"Eh?" Ataru once more grunted, this time with a louder volume.

"I'll have to call on some of my other alien friends" Lum said, which Ataru grinned and panted at.

"Eh?" he hopefully grunted. "Eh, eh eheheheheeheehee!!" Lum slapped him to quiet him down and he cleared his throat in apology. "I guess the first real important thing will be finding a ship, though. To be honest, even all the courses on space-travel I took in high school, I have no idea if there's a ship out there designed for moving stars from star systems. It could be impossible."

Another reporter emerged from the rubble and debris of war with his pad intact and an eye swollen shut. "What about a contingency plan!?" he asked gruffly. Yet another rose up like a zombie, looking half-dead at the couple.

"Have you considered nuclear capabilities?" He asked in a breathy drone.

"Are you nuts?" Ataru exclaimed. "That'd just make things worse!"

"He's correct" Mendo answered. His battle-damage that scuffed his perfectly white suit and his drawn sword made his appearance seem much more heroic and resounding than before. He drew and captivated the attention of all around him with his waving strands of renegade hair and his tightly clutched fist held tight to his chest. "I would never allow such circumstances to come to pass! Rest assured, if there is no ship in the universe to make this voyage, for the sake of the planet, I will fund one! Hell, I'll go about building it myself if I must!"

"Really?" Lum asked. Shutaro looked down at the ground to the side, orienting his body to face her while his eyes were cast down under the beaten shade of his brow.

"Alas, I may be speaking too optimistically" Shutaro admitted. "However" he began with renewed vigor and a newly stricken pose with his sword pointed to the cloudy sky, "let my philanthropy be known far and wide! Whatever solution the radiant Miss Lum manages to come up with, I shall back her a thousand-fold. The Mendo Conglomerate shall take on the task of preserving our beautiful planet no matter what the cost may be."

"RAAAGH!!!" Tobimaro roared as he kicked away the rubble that shut him into an artificial premature grave. "Shu-chan! Don't think I'll let you get away with acting cool for no reason! Don't forget that the Mizunokoji found out about this problem first, and the we were the ones who had the most answers before anyone else! My family will contribute just as much as Mendo's will in order to protect the world!"

"You think you can outdo my generosity" Mendo lowed "and get away with it!?" He jumped, sword overhead, and initiated battle! "Die, Ton-chan!" Tobimaro blocked with a metal bat and held Shutaro's samurai stance while he worked a lump up out of his throat and spit a high-speed spitball at Mendo, point blank. Mendo stumbled back and tried to regain himself in time to block. With an awkward swing he stopped Tobimaro's charge and they danced around in hectic battle. The reporters didn't care.

"So you'll take them both!?" a reporter exclaimed to Ataru.

"Whoever wants to go, I guess" Ataru said, rubbing the back of his leg with his other shin. Lum looked at him proudly with her hands folded together. "We'll need whoever we can get if it's such a big mission the space-travel expert of the entire planet can't figure it out on her own." Lum broke her cool and stomped the ground with her hands refolded into fists.

"Wait now!" she exclaimed, hopping up into a hover. "I didn't say I couldn't solve the problem! I just didn't have everything worked out at the moment! It's not my fault that traveling within the magnetic field of any given star is akin to driving a car into an exploding brick wall!"

"You're the alien expert!" Ataru shouted back, initiating his own combat. "How can you not know, off hand, if your entire species has access to something that can get close to a sun or not? You can go between dimensions with something the size of a piece of candy and travel back in time but you can't move stars? What kind of logic is that!?"

"COMMON LOGIC!!!" Lum roared back.

* * *

The reporters got every word of their battle and the results of the forum were printed world-wide. In one weeks time Lum would get Earth a space vessel that she could not only pilot but perfectly operate to get within a distance of the new sun and pluck it from orbit and send it into a black-hole that would permanently eliminate it.

Also, as a side-column story, Shutaro and Tobimaro were simultaneously hospitalized after beating each other senseless. Ryoko had no comment and has not left the hospital since, despite the constant screams that come from the boys rooms when she is with them...


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Preparations for the Solar Mission. Study, Study, Study!

* * *

From the Mendo Estate in its wide and expansive glory Shutaro rested in the esteemed first-rate medical care facility. A result of the aftermath from Ryoko's intrusion and Tobimaro's battling was that he would be restricted to his bed and his legs finely wrapped in casts for the week. Even kept to his singular bed like a prison, Shutaro did not rest. He worked hard, reading up to three books at a time, all the while listening to the orchestral melodies from the stereo systems that bordered his room. With a casual sigh he looked up at the white, lacy-curtain hung ceiling and grinned.

"Calm music" Shutaro mused "soothes the soul and heals the heart. Ahhh" he sighed "what a glorious setting for me to study in." His books were handed to him personally by the only person he trusted with such material, Lum herself. One beginners spaceship flaying and maintenance manual, one encyclopedic collection of various star and sun-sized-star based theories with bookmarks under the headings he assumed had to do with moving said stars...and one 'Japanese to Oni' remedial education text to read the other two with. He studied with incredible verve and concentration, sometimes drowning out the music as he read and other times drifting off to his own little world where the worlds filled the air and fluttered daintily around as butterflies.

"_Master Shutaro"_ the gingerly gentle voice of a woman called. He turned around, seeing an expanse of rolling, glowing grassy fields and the beautiful owner of the voice running to him with a basket hooked in her arm. _"Master Shutaroooo!!"_

"Ah" Shutaro said. "You're too good to me...Miss Lum." Yes, it was Lum in his fevered fantasy. She wore her brilliantly pure white sundress and a white sun hat with white roses tied to a white ribbon around the top. A radiant image of beauty, all for Shutaro, just as his ego thought it should be. She sat down on a gilded, finely crafted cushioned metal chair and placed her basket on her lap.

"_I brought you something to eat"_ she said. _"You're always studying so hard. You deserve the best from me."_

"You really are too good to me" he said, taking from the basket a sandwich. He ate it slowly while she watched him lovingly, her eyes glistening with a starry longing and the reflection of his face as he grinned in pleasure. "It's delicious" he said. Lum clapped her hands together and smiled happily.

"_I'm so glad, Shutaro! I love seeing you pleased..."_ Her radiant happiness brightened Shutaro's world to a glaring degree. He looked up at the blue sky and squinted his eyes at the bright sun. Lum followed his gaze and looked up at the white light above, moving her hand onto his.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Shutaro said...

Back in reality a nurse and group of doctors were checking Shutaro's pulse on his wrist and shining a light into his dilated pupils.

"What the hell happened!?" one doctor demanded. The nurse moved a book from the bed and found a device connected to a thick wire under it.

"Oh, here's the problem" she said, taking the button in her hand. "One of his books was on his morphine button. He's drugged mindless."

"That idiot!" a doctor raged. "How can he be so careless! We need to do something to counteract the morphine before his heart stops!" Shutaro just drooled and moaned dumbly from the shock of drugs while his dreamy little world continued seamlessly.

Elsewhere, at the Mizunokoji compound, Tobimaro was undertaking a different kind of training. Despite an injured arm and a mostly wrapped and bound up body, Tobimaro was swinging a bat and hitting balls that exploded from an amplified ball machine. He was batting at a perfect percent so far and each ball disappeared far into the distance with a strong gust chasing it.

"Not yet" Tobimaro growled as he got back into his pose. "The leading hitter can't just hit run after run! I need to learn to control my swings and get a triple, ONLY a triple!" A ball was fired near 90mph. Tobimaro's eyes flared up and his bat swung hard through the air. **TO THIRD BAAAASE!!!!!**" His bat cracked the ball and sent it skipping across the ground so rapidly that it dented the meticulously cut grass with holes down to the dirt.

A delicate tea cup was fractured somewhere in the compound. Mrs. Mizunokoji with her doll-like perpetual smile was shaking with an energy of malice, holding in her hands the broken ancestral cup.

"Oh, that foolish son of mine" she lowed pleasantly. "Why has he insisted on embarking on such a dangerous journey alone!?"

"It's not his fault, mother" Mr. Mizunokoji said. "He's a young man, and above that he's already gained semi-celebrity status. If he went on this mission it would show that our family and the Mendo family stand on common enough ground to coexist peacefully."

"Asuka is already set to wed young Shutaro" she said, making note of the obvious. "Our son has no purpose in the Mendo's affairs anymore." Despite the ominous crack in her cup she sipped from it while down her husband's forehead rolled beads of sweat.

_It sounds like she wants to disown him!!!_ he thought in exclamation. Tobimaro continued his rigorous work in the yard under the surveillance of the girls in blue shades when along came Asuka in her formal daytime attire of a beauteous kimono with a pattern of birds flying from a wave. She watched her dear big brother work his physical might with a moan of sorrow.

"What's wrong, lady Asuka?" a guard girl asked.

"My poor Big Brother" she said, looking down and covering her mouth with her sleeves shyly. "He's working so hard that he's forgotten all about his mission to the sun..."

"Well" the guard began "he hasn't forgotten. He's just not working in the proper way." Asuka cooed in confusion. "He's training his body to endure the incredible pressure of gravity from the sun. Normally, we'd assume that the alien craft Lum would provide would have a sufficient way to counter the pull of the sun, but we can't be entirely certain until we've seen it for ourselves. To that end, young master Tobimaro has been training his body to endure great strain and pressure, even going so far as to do weighted push-ups under water."

"He almost died doing that" a girl said, casting a demure mood on the entire line.

"He's an idiot" another girl said.

"He's a royal idiot" another added. Asuka looked innocently between the girls who talked and took to skipping down to her brother as he swung his bat. The girls knew they couldn't stop her and just let her go on her own. Tobimaro's bat was smoking now from the pummeling of baseballs and his breath was haggard and heavy. He tried to raise it up again as the machine whirred to prepare yet another fast ball, but the wooden bat was too heavy in his injured arms now.

"No" he moaned. "Not yet...I can still play...I'm still in the game!!" The ball was fired and flew straight for Tobimaro. Asuka intervened, she stole the bat and kendo-swung the ball so far into the ground it made a perfectly smooth tunnel down through the dirt. The ball machine was out of ammo now. Tobimaro fell down flat and looked up at Asuka who rushed to his aid.

"Are you alright, Big Brother?" Asuka asked sincerely. "You look hurt...are you hurt, Big Brother?" Tobimaro made an arrogant smirk.

"I've already forgotten, Asuka" he said, much to her shock. "I've forgotten that a man alone does not win the game...**but his team wins the game.**" Asuka, while lost in the cryptic message he delivered, was relieved to realize that he hadn't forgotten about his actual training. She pulled him in for a hug, which he did not feel upon fainting from the sudden horror, and gave him a gently embrace. For once she didn't break anything when she held him and she cooed happily against his shoulder.

"I believe in you, Big Brother" she whispered. "Do your best." Tobimaro was foaming now. The guard girls were rushing in with stretchers and morphine ready.

* * *

Lum stared down her console screen like she was trying to break it with her eyes. So far, of all the catalogs and auctions she had gone through with the meager allowance given by her people, there was nothing that stuck out as able to move a star. No gravitational device seemed to be powerful enough, no ship boasted such dense armor as to enter the gravitational pull of a star and escape unscathed. There wasn't a single vessel in space that could get the job done, which meant that Lum couldn't do her job, which of course meant even more negative propaganda in the magazines that would print her failure after the Earth was burnt to ashes...

"**GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!**" she roared, thrashing her arms and legs as she pushed away from her UFO console. "This is so **aggravating!!!**" She started raking at her skull and mussing up her hair with gleaming fangs and grit teeth.

"You alright, Lum?" Ataru shouted from a few rooms over. Lum quickly went back to her saccharine disposition and lovely smile with her hands folded over her knee. Ataru popped his head out from one of the sliding doors as he had taken to her UFO while he learned how to pilot it for a nearby physical reference. He also boarded with her because it was cooler in space than it was on Earth. Lum just looked over with her sweet little grin and gave a light giggle.

"Oh, I'm fine Darling" she sweetly called. "Are you still studying?"

"Oh yeah" Ataru said. He held up a book from behind his back and started skimming over it in front of her. "I think I'm understanding some of this. I'll just grab some water and keep reading. You don't try to hard either, alright?"

"Okay" Lum said with a giggle. She watched Ataru go and waved him away with a wide smile and happy eyes. Once he was out of sight she silently continued her rage by floating around, kicking and huffing at the air and holding back her screams into quiet, strained grunts. Ataru jumped onto Lum's huge, round bed and threw the closed technical manual away in favor of some comics. He hadn't been studying at all. He simply played to Lum's moods and made himself at home. Ten did so as well, reading an all-picture book while floating around in the air, but was visibly disgusted at Ataru for cheating Lum's trust.

"Why don't you actually try and study?" Ten asked.

"Meh" Ataru grunted. "I don't feel like it. Besides, Mendo's going on the trip and he's better at learning stuff like this. I'll just let him deal with it." Ataru took a chip, one from the reserve of earth food he brought with him, and started noisily eating as he lounged across the bed-spread.

"You're a hopeless mess" Ten chided. Ataru rolled up onto his chest and grabbed Ten between his feet.

"**Rolling Kicking Banana SHOOTER!**" Ataru called. He rolled forward on the bed spread and kicked his legs out to throw Ten against the solid wall across the room. Once he saw Ten dizzily floating down in defeat he rolled up onto a knee and pumped his fist in victory. "Boo-yah!" he shouted. Ten regained himself in the air, much to Ataru's personal horror, and started floating up with smoky, angry breaths.

"You bastard!" Ten growled. Ataru hopped back and held out a frying pan to absorb the heat. A face of ensued for a moment, but that moment was ended by the wrathful scream of the alien princess in the other room. Then something was thrown and broken against a wall, causing both boys to flinch and cast their eyes in that direction. The noise had stopped aside from what sounded like an intermittent pumping, so they assumed her rage was over and went to stealthily inspect. Ataru and Ten leaned out from the hallway and peered over to her seat. She was hunched over, her face buried in her arms, sobbing softly.

_Oh crap_ Ataru thought. _She's crying and in control of the ship that's currently orbiting the Earth. I should have actually studied! I might have been able to save my life if she decided to berserk and take us all out in a daring blaze of hot rage! This is burning me up!...Holy Hell it's hot in here!_ Ten was blowing a steady stream of fire at his rear to get him to leap forward. Ataru scrambled into the room, patting himself out, then snapped to attention when Lum stopped sobbing, thinking she noticed him. She resumed with sniffles and short bursts of sadness much to his double-edged relief. He looked back to see his only escape blocked by Ten who pointed forward.

_Go, you idiot!_ He chided in signals. _Comfort her or I'll hurt you!_ Ataru replied with a flick of his tongue. Then he turned and began the slow march over to where Lum was crying. He looked around and saw that her console screen was blank and her chair was apparently smoking from the constant surging of electricity that she emitted. Ataru could tell that she was just coming down from a destructive rage and was now sobbing. That was obvious, but he had no Earthly or Spacely idea as to what was making her sob so.

_Oh man_ Ataru thought. _This isn't good. My heart stopped beating a few paces back. Maybe I should take a break and see if I can't stay alive for long enough to actually try and comfort her..._ Too late. Before he realized it he was standing perfectly still and right ebhind her. He could feel the electrical heat already but none of it had arced from the metal of the chair to him, so he assumed that it was mostly safe. He steadily reached out his hand, saw Ten had left, and started rubbing Lum's neck from behind. She looked up and tried to blink her tears away before turning around with her cheeks wet from her crying.

"Darling..." she softly said. Ataru was smiling at her, a kind and caring smile that she had never thought of receiving from him before. A reflection of her own sincerity that she showed to him in his own dire hours. She began crying for a new reason and hopped up to wrap her arms around him. "Darling!"

"There, there" Ataru said, patting her back softly. "You'll be alright...and so will I once I get some rubber gloves." Lum looked up and saw him gaze caringly down at her with his hair standing up from the static electricity. The stupidity of his outstanding hair brought a smile back to Lum's face and a laugh to her voice. Ataru had barely done anything and, already, he had remedied the situation. Still...his hair was screwed up.

* * *

Moments later, after a de-static brushing and a retire to Lum's bed, the couple sat together while Lum turned down the lights and activated the dim, calming luminescent effects of the holographic projector. Suddenly Ataru saw dozens of floating, glowing orbs of deep blue and soft, dark pink. He looked back and forth with his arms and legs crossed in their normal way, watching them float by and staring cross eyed as they went over his face. Lum stretched herself out in the air and floated down to lay her head on his lap.

"Hey" Ataru said roughly, "who said you could lie there?"

"I'll cry" Lum said stubbornly.

"Of course you would" Ataru said snidely. "So, what were you crying about earlier?" This time he asked as plainly as he could. Lum made herself comfy and stretched her chest out with her arms thrown over her head. Ataru was not distracted.

"I've been trying for the last few days" she began "but no matter where I look, no one has any kind of ship that can get close to the sun, let alone remove a sun from its normal orbit entirely. There aren't any devices on any markets that I saw that had the gravitational power to move an entire star either, regardless of distance."

"Jeez" Ataru said in exasperation. "You'd think, with all the aliens out there with all the weird devices they already have, someone would come up with the means to move stars around!"

"I'm more upset than you are" Lum said. "I promised the world, and basically the Galaxy, that I could find something like that in a week. It's only been two days, Darling, and I haven't made any commissions or requests to anyone! The Fukujin refuse to work directly with an Oni, regardless of the purpose, so even if they _had_ something I wouldn't get to use it..."

"Well what about Benten?" Ataru asked.

"What about her?" Lum asked in reply. Ataru started giggling. Lum could see where his thoughts were going at first and lightly hit her head against his lap. He reacted instantaneously and straightened up with a perfectly serious face.

"She's your friend, right?" he mentioned. "She's also got some access to Fukujin stuff, right? I bet she'd be able to find you a ship as long as she got to pilot it, right?"

"That might work" Lum said, tiredly turned herself around. "I tried to get in contact with Oyuki too. There's always the possibility that she's got heat-proof spaceships on reserve as well as cool-resistant."

"At the very least we could get some nice air conditioning from her for the trip" Ataru noted. Lum giggled as he laughed. The laughter trailed off and left a smile on Ataru's face, one of the longing for the sight of the slender feminine figure that always lurked beneath those cold kimono robes the Ice Queen wore. Lum was just too comfy not to smile, laying in his lap and being doted to in his own peculiar way. Ataru uncrossed his arms and pounded a fist into his palm. Lum turned lazily over and looked up at him. He had apparently had a recent epiphany.

"What is it, Darling?" Lum asked.

"I've got an idea" Ataru said. "It'll mean waiving some fame to Mendo and his family, though, and I'm not entirely for or against that."

"Why not?" Lum asked.

"I don't care about fame" Ataru admitted, scratching his head. "The less girls know about me the easier it'll be to hit on them, you know?" Ataru looked down and suddenly remembered who he was talking to. Lum didn't look upset. She was just looking at him with half-open, tired eyes and a discrete little grin. She brought her arms around as pillows and curled her legs up. Ataru placed a hand on her head as she cooed lovingly and sank back into his lap again.

"I just remembered" Ataru continued "that Mendo was showing off something to me one time."

"What was it this time?" Lum asked.

"I forget" Ataru said. Lum's eyes shot open and her mouth shrank in the shock of his admittance. "It was some kind of super metal, capable of withstanding even a Nuclear attack. He lined this big safe with it."

"Oh" Lum said, sinking back into her tired state.

"I bet he can get his people" Ataru said as if pitching his plan for her approval "to coat whatever ship we can get with the stuff!"

"In under a week?" she skeptically asked.

"Well, consider this" Ataru said. "If I've just now thought about this then he must have already figure it out and is already working on it as we speak! He's that kind of guy, after all, to steal my ideas before I even get to tell them to him...that jerk..." Lum looked to see Ataru had slouched forward in a huff. She slid up and met him face to face.

"He can't steal everything from you" Lum said as she leaned in, stunning Ataru with confusion. She stroked the side of his face with a gentle touch, sending chills across his back and flushing his skin red. He knew something was coming but his body was mistaking his terror reflex with arousal. Lum leaned in, wrapping her arms around his neck, and rubbed her cheek against his cheek as she whispered into his ear "He could never steal me, my Darling." Ataru gulped so loud that it hurt his ears. Lum gave him a tighter embrace, pushed slowly away to gaze deeply into his eyes...

Then she floated away and deactivated the holographic effects, leaving Ataru in a purgatory of thought. She landed in the doorway and stretched her arms up above her head again, turning around to look back at her Darling and make sure he was still stunned and confused.

"I guess I'm just lucky, aren't I?" Ataru asked as he lounged and read manga. Lum fell down and her legs hung straight up in the air. In the end, she was defeated by Ataru's stubborn willpower. She admitted her loss and floated back to begin her attempts at contacting both Shutaro and Benten in the hope that something would just cosmically work out. When Ataru saw that Lum was gone and double-checked to make sure she was back at her post, he rushed on to the round sofa at the foot of her bed and began reading the manual deeply. His current state made reading his regular comedic exploitative comics impossible, and he was somehow forced into the mood of diligent studying.

_Damn her_ Ataru thought. _She did this to me somehow. She's a witch! No, wait, she's actually a demon! She twisted my heart with her sharp nails!_ Still, even though he didn't think it at all, he couldn't deny that he enjoyed her efforts to ultimately distract his mind.

* * *

"Young master" a man in black glasses said as he approached Shutaro with a phone with a long trailing cord. Shutaro slowly turned in his bed, still dizzy and drowsy from the effects of his accidental morphine overdose, and looked at the guard with heavy eyes and a slacking jaw. The guard had to stop and adjust his eyes with heavy blinks and a quick rub of each eye to make sure he wasn't accidentally approaching Ataru Moroboshi by mistake.

"What is it?" he asked in Shutaro's unmistakable voice. The guard handed him the phone and tapped the receiving button on the back. Shutaro held the phone up to his head and listened in as a low whine became a more sharp, piercing tenor screech over the line. "What is this? Some kind of prank?"

"Hello?" Lum asked. A prank it was not. Shutaro snapped the phone back to his ear and rid himself of all signs of fatigue.

"Yes" he began, "this is Shutaro Mendo of the Mendo Estate speaking. May I assume that this is Miss Lum calling?"

"It is" Lum answered. "Shutaro, Darling told me that you had a super-durable metal that might be able to withstand the intense heat of the suns. Can you confirm an amount on that?"

"Given a rough estimate" Shutaro said, stroking his chin, trying to appear charismatic even thought she obviously couldn't see him, "I'd say we have several tons of it in reserve. I can't make any promising figures unless I can see some more exact numbers, though. I can assure you that I have enough to coat the hulls of a Naval grade battleship."

"You do?" Lum asked hopefully. "AH! That's terrific! We need you to get that metal onto a ship before the mission. Can you do that?"

"Undoubtedly" Shutaro said. "Never underestimate the ingenuity and determination to supersede all others when it comes to the Mendo family, Miss Lum. It is our creedo to-"

"I'll get back to you later" she said, finishing his speech in mid-word. "Once I get a ship I'll have it sent straight to your estate for further instructions. Until then, keep studying."

"Oh, I am!" Shutaro said, sounding desperate to keep her tied to him. "I've already cleared the first twelve chapters of the translation manual and through that I've-" No good. She hung up on him. What creased him to the point of crushing the antique phone in his own fist was the fact that he knew Ataru was somehow behind her haste to stop talking to him once again, and through the jealous (egotistical) rage he drifted off in to yet another segment of 'Mendo Inner-Mind Theater.'

Lum had another call to place, which takes precedence over Shutaro's silly ego problems,so we join her now as her fated call was finally patched through. As of now she received only a box of alien text displaying 'No Visual Feed' in large bold letters while a static-humming transmission sounded out.

"Yeah?" a rough, masculine female voice said through the transmission. Lum sighed with relief and sank far back into her chair.

"Benten!" she exclaimed. "Thank goodness. I thought I would never get a hold of you. Listen-"

"She isn't here" the voice said, prompting Lum to snap to attention with her eyes wide open. She leaned forward and spoke in a low tone.

"...who is this?" she asked. The visuals snapped on with the image of a wrap-pressed girl's bust. Ryuunosuke leaned back from the screen with a haggard look on her face and plenty of dirty scuffs from some unknown drudgery she had undertaken. She blinked and rubbed her eyes as she saw Lum for the first time in what seemed like a long time.

"Lum?" Ryuunosuke asked.

"Ryuunosuke???" Lum asked with much more curiosity. "What...are you doing at Benten's place?"

"Oh her place got blown up" Ryuunosuke passively mentioned. "We're staying in some huge garage, or something. Frankly, with her temper, I doubt this place will last very long. So what's up? Benten's out on a bike ride with her friends, but she's trusted me with her...'house'." Lum put on her thinking face and decided to make the best of the situation rather then dwell on why Benten's outpost was blown up.

"Can you connect me to the Fukijin spaceship market?" Lum politely asked. "Since I'm an Oni I can't get through..."

"That all?" Ryuunosuke asked. She made a quick entry onto a console at her side and Lum was instantly patched through to the previously prohibited marketplace. Lum clapped her hands in excitement and Ryuunosuke smiled at her from across the galaxy. Now the plan could finally move forward!


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

0

Courageous Test of Skill! Darling's Impromptu Pilot Exam!

0

Days had passed. The week was nearly over, and the mission was near. A Fukujin Navy-grade ship was seen entering the airspace around the Mendo compound in the morning, and already near noon the Mendo workers had coated the bow with the super durable, nigh indestructible Mendo family super metal. Shutaro oversaw the entire process as a foreman. It was through his alien linguistics and basic understanding of the space-age technology that allowed the work to progress. It would surely be finished by the end of the week, when he and the rest of the team would be called to man the ship and take the battle for the Earth's atmosphere all the way to the sun.

"Master Shutaro" a Mendo guard said as he approached his young master, arm still in a sling and cast and his head bandaged from the press war injuries he retained. "We have a call from Miss Lum."

"Place it through" Shutaro ordered. The guard brought over two more guards who carried a phone. Shutaro picked up the phone and held it up to his ear. "This is Mendo Shutaro. Miss Lum, how are you?"

"Hey Mendo!" Ataru greeted, forcing Shutaro to take on a more ugly face. "How're things going over there?"

"Moroboshi!" Shutaro exclaimed. "I didn't expect you to be so close to home on such an important week! Why are you not studying your materials?"

"What're you talking about?" Ataru asked. "I've been rooming with Lum this past week so I could go straight to the source and ask her about while I work." Mendo's face was so very pressed with rage and his hand so tight that he nearly crushed the hard plastic instrument into pieces.

"You've been living with her?" Shutaro lowed. "In her own home?"

"It's nothing new" Ataru said, audibly eating something. "She's been living in my room for...jeez, I've lost count of how long."

"It's fine for her!" Shutaro shouted, trying to defend the glory of Lum's name against the heathen advances of Ataru's own perverted mind. "She doesn't know any better. She's an alien! She's never been properly told about the actual, legally sanctioned boundaries between dating and marriage!" Lum had already joined the conversation at this point, hearing that she was an alien as the first thing.

"Hello, Shutaro" she greeted. Mendo froze right up. "Can I get a status update on our ship?"

"Yes ma'am" Shutaro said, still half-dead. He recovered and turned to the progress which took up an entire hangar. The spaceship was the size of and made in the apparent style of a regular naval warship on earth. It had a bridge that extended up from the main deck, which was offloaded of all its optional equipment like cannons or radars, and a long and narrow front deck where the gravity well device, known as a 'Weller' by Lum, was attached. A huge and strange looking product of Dappya technology scientists, a pump that simulates gravity by changing the relative space and direction of an object as it's moving. With this incredible gravity pump the extra sun could be carried to the furthest reaches of the solar system or flow into a totally void part of space where it would bother no one, and this magnificent unnamed craft was the vehicle that would drag such a cosmic load through the void of space...

"The plating is going excellently" Shutaro reported. "The device has been properly secured as per your translated instructions. I believe we shall have no problem with activating it once my hired technicians finish hooking it up."

"Hired?" Lum asked.

"I called the support of the Dappya-monster union from the market street" Mendo said. "They were glad to help, for a minimal fee, so that they could help end the heatwave. The only consolation for such low pay is that they wanted to design the ship themselves. I can think of nothing-" The phone cut out. Shutaro froze up for a moment, having been cut out in the middle of a very self-important monologue, and looked around. A Dappya-man had tripped over the long phone cord and accidentally unplugged it. Shutaro glared back and clutched the phone so hard it cracked.

"Sorry, Dappya!" the alien said. It went about its regular work at a quick-footed pace while Shutaro struggled against the guards holding him back to draw his sword.

"No inter-species war, master!" the men in black shades said.

"Let me go!" Shutaro demanded. "How dare he? LET ME GO!!!"

Meanwhile, at the Mizunokoji compound, a test was underway. In one of their more high-tech facilities, a G-force simulation under the guise of a family-friendly amusement park ride in testing for their family parks was prepped and ready for its first tester. In entered Tobimaro, whose hair blew even in the windless metallic room. He walked forward, hopped into the carriage and slid down the restraining bar until it was locked tight against his chest. A group of careful technicians were in the operating room along with their esteemed lady of the estate who watched on her son's testing.

"Initiating test" a girl said as the mechanics began to whir. The simulator started with a gentle whir as the long metal arm began spinning around its pivot. The speed gradually increased and Tobimaro felt the full force of his own weight multiplied many times over as the force kept climbing and sealing him to his seat.

"This won't do, will it?" Mrs. Mizunokoji asked.

"Not at all" one girl in blue glasses said. "We're still increasing the force. If it happens all at once his body will be crushed. We need to go slowly."

"Even so" another girl said, "we know that master Tobimaro prefers to do things quickly, and therefore we're accelerating at the fastest safe rate."

"I see" Mrs. Mizunokoji said. She watched her son's face as it was displayed on the monitor fed from the camera that was right beside his face. His skin was rippling and his head was indenting into the space-age cushion material behind it. However, she could see no pain or torture on his face, which only meant that he found no challenge in what he was doing, no purpose or entertaining goal. He was just sitting in a fast-moving chair until someone told him otherwise. "Increase his speed at once!" she commanded sweetly.

"Yes ma'am" the girls said. The forces were climbing ever higher, higher than was necessary and higher than any other test thereto performed. Tobimaro was the first human to endure such levels of gravity, and once the ride was over he fell straight down and moaned sickly on the floor, unable to move.

"Get up son" his mother said over an intercom. "We can't have the press seeing how weak of a constitution you have when it comes to spinning around!" Tobimaro tried desperately to inch himself up but a sick gagging overtook him.

"Watch it!" a girl called. "He's going to vomit!" Tobimaro's throat swelled up and a baseball is what he coughed up. "Oh" the same girl said flatly. "Nevermind, it was just a baseball." She turned to her mistress and covered the microphone. "Just a baseball, ma'am." The veins pulsed out in her head, though her face stayed the same.

"Oh, that foolish son of mine!" she calmly raged. "However will he be able to bring us an honorable reputation on this sun mission if he can't handle a simple little physical evaluation!?"

"Well ma'am" a girl said, "we can still get a good name through one of your children."

"Hmm?" she hummed. A monitor displaying the spin-down process on Asuka shot up. She looked unphased, even though she had endured nearly twice as many Gs as her brother did. She even lifted the harness over he head, hopped down to the floor and regained her balance instantly. She was completely unaffected by the incredible force that was applies against her.

"What?" Mrs. Mizunokoji said in astonishment. "Give her something to test her coordination. She could be dizzy beyond belief and we're just not seeing it!" A girl pressed a button and released a small pendulum that descended from the ceiling. It swung briefly in front of Asuka until she grabbed it and looked at it. She had crushed the five yen that was tied to the string in her mighty grip and remained puzzled.

"Did win something?" she asked, holding up the crushed coin. Her mother was in tears, happy and joyful tears for her daughter's magnanimous success.

_Damn_ she thought. _If the results show that Asuka is the more applicable candidate then she'll be the one to go, and if she's alone on a ship with either that Mendo boy or that perverted Moroboshi lad...the consequences will be horrific!_ She could see it already. The headlines of the world-wide news would read 'Berserk Mizunokoji Girl Ruptures Space Ship Hull, All Crew Dead'. All that guilt would be piled onto Mrs. Mizunokoji's head, as it has been her duty to raise Asuka from her birth away from the world, and not being able to deal with something as simple as a few men would come back in the form of a media flood that would drown her.

Suddenly, a realization struck her. She stood up and approached one of the computer terminals to lean over the girl working it. "Switch the results" she said. The girl looked over her shoulder in shock to see her mistress hovering so close by. "Asuka cannot be permitted on such a dangerous mission, but Tobimaro's test results are unacceptable. Therefore, we must switch the test results, for the good of all mankind!"

"Mankind?" a girl asked.

"Those delusions of grandeur" another girl added "are what you expect from the Mendo house!"

0

A lovely cascade of water poured out from the faucet head. The droplets came rushing out and splashed against soft skin and soaked into the flowing, beautiful hair from the alien girl's head. Lum took a soapy hand to her hair and slid the suds along the length of her long and wavy hair as the water kept hitting her and the steam from her shower veiled her covetous body from prying eyes. Her ship was automatically moving on a guided course around the Earth to keep its orbit from decaying. Ataru walked through the ship with nothing to do. He had plenty of books to read and manuals to memorize, but he wasn't going to do them any time soon. He made a short pace past the bathroom where Lum showered as he walked on a random course to find something to do.

"Oh Daaaarliiiing" Lum sang. He lazily turned around and saw steam pouring out from the open door. Lum's fingers seductively wrapped around the edge of the door and she leaned out with an innocent blinking and her hair all tied up in a soapy bun. "Can you come and wash my back, please?"

"No" he said, without hesitation or any kind of humor. Lum huffed at him as he turned. She drew her jaw and fangs back and ducked behind the door once more.

"Daaaaaaarliiiiiiiing" she sang again. Ataru humored her and turned. She was stepping out with a naked, shining wet leg beckoning him over and a slender, curvy silhouette behind the foggy, thick-glass door. Ataru scoffed smugly at her attempts.

"Don't take me for a fool" Ataru said. He stomped forward and pointed an accusatory finger at her. "You're wearing a towel behind that door!" Lum's leg stopped moving. She hovered out, a towel around her body, and huffed with her hands on her hips.

"That doesn't make it less effective!" Lum defended. Ataru just waved the issue away as unimportant, further creasing Lum. "Oh, come on! What kind of man are you?"

"A man who doesn't tempt fate" Ataru said. "I'm gonna take a nap."

"Did you read through your flight-trainer?" she asked skeptically. Ataru, never one to show that he was lying, turned with a goofy smile and bad posture, giggling.

"Yeah I did!" he said. "Why wouldn't I? Of course I did!"

"Liar" Lum said. "Go back and actually read it."

"It's too boring" Ataru whined. "There aren't even any pictures of hot chicks to keep my attention. How am I supposed to concentrate if there aren't girl involved?"

"Go read it!" Lum commanded, stomping her foot. Her towel slipped slightly but she caught it and pulled it up, straightening her back and forcing Ataru away with her guiding finger. Ataru frowned and walked away, defeated. Lum sighed and returned to her shower, tossing her towel onto a anti-gravity pad that dried and fluffed it instantly. She stepped back into the water and started to manage her hair. "Poor Darling. I know how hard it is for him to do these kinds of things, but if he doesn't it could really mean trouble for the rest of us! We can't just have one pilot for a battleship..."

Lum took a quick glance through her wall of water at her bikini top and thought for a moment. She went deep into planning over something, so much so that her efforts at scheming made her smile and blush. Ataru had gone back to his room, which was Lum's room, and was tossing a ball up and down on the bed. Ten finally floated in and caught the ball, forcing Ataru to sit up and face him down.

"Give that back, Jariten" Ataru said. Ten took in a deep breath and incinerated the ball. "Hey! You little punk!"

"I'm going down toEarth" Ten said. "And before I go, I'm gonna tell Lum that you were slacking instead of studying!"

"Big deal" Ataru said, picking at his ear. "She's not gonna do anything but force me to read. Even so, I just have to ask her to make me dinner while I sneak some of my own snacks and she'll be too happy to be mad at me." Ten realized the truth to what Ataru said and started floating away when Ataru looked up at him with a smug look of victory on his face. "Face it, Ten, there's no way for me to get on her bad side anymore! She loves me too much to want to get me angry!"

"Well" Ten began, "what do you know? You don't love her, that's obvious even to a kid like me! She'll find out what you're doing and then you'll be out on your ass!"

"Who said I didn't love her?" Ataru said. "Well, not that _I'd_ ever really say it, but still." Ataru's brash attitude was getting Ten riled up. His face turned red and smoke started coming from his nose.

"IDIOT!" Ten shouted. "Stupid idiot! You don't deserve Lum!" Ten floated away in a rage and got on his little hover scooter to zoom out the door and down to Earth. Ataru had taken offense to his last words and looked up to the ceiling. He laid back on the bed again with his arms folded up behind his head, and he started thinking.

_Why's she still with me_ he thought _if she knows that I don't deserve her? I mean, of course I do, right? Otherwise we wouldn't be together. She's a smart girl. She wouldn't just stay with me to make herself look good. She's in this for the long haul, good or bad. I guess I've been making it bad more than good lately. Damn._ Ataru sat up, grabbed a book, and opened it to where he had left of from his previous attempt at studying. _She at least deserves for me to do my best at this! Hell, even I can do this for her!_ Restless with thought, Ataru began pacing around until he wandered out of the room entirely.

0

Just as Ataru made his second pace in front of the main console and intermittent, obnoxious light. It flashed right in his eyes until he had to pry them away from his book and look up at the screen. He recognized the word. He just learned it from his book. It meant 'CAUTION', which of course didn't mean anything good. He dropped his book and jaw at the same time and made a fast break for the bathroom. He pounded at the door frantically until he heard some kind of moving response within, namely the water hitting a floor instead of softly landing on skin.

"What is it?" Lum asked.

"Lum!" Ataru shouted. "Something's wrong with the ship!"

"Oh is there?" she asked skeptically. She didn't bother opening the door, either. It stayed locked. "Well, why don't you go and fix it, Darling? All that studying that you've done should pay off, right?" It wasn't subtle but her plan was in motion. Lum had deactivated her ship's autopilot from the control in her bikini and now stood against the door, listening and waiting for Ataru to panic. She waited for a while but heard nothing. She opened the door just a peek and looked around but he was gone.

"Okay!" Ataru exclaimed at the helm of the ship. "I'll figure this out! I'm good at stuff! Who says I'm not!?" Ataru looked around at the buttons and keys on the console, then immediately referenced his book. He looked back and forth between the book and the screen, trying to find the appropriate alien instructions to correct the displayed problem. He slowly reached out for a key, then changed his mind and chose a different one. He pressed it, the flashing stopped and a new display popped up. Five different lines of alien text and a diagram showing the projected trajectory of the ship's course. Apparently, within an hour of dysfunctional engines, the ship would fall from its orbit and hit the water in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Even with the space-age materials and flawless Oni design, falling from orbit and into the ocean would doubtlessly lead to some life-preservation problems.

"Okay" Ataru said, scanning through his book. "I understand this part. It's a list of options. Which one is 'fix problem now'?" Of course such an option wouldn't exist, but he stayed hopefully. Translating each line word by word, he understood his options and selected the third, 'check auto-pilot status'. It displayed simply 'Off'. "Alright then, we'll turn that back on" Ataru said. He searched through the lists of instructions for accessing the ship's controls. All of these commands had to be entered manually, by memory. Ataru found one to open the technical operations and slowly entered it, making sure to double check each key stroke he made.

"Damn" Ataru cursed. "That's not it. That's a diagnostic. Maybe it's under something else..." As Ataru diligently worked to correct the course and the problem at hand Lum watched him lovingly from around the corner. She was amazed at his diligence, his drive and his professionalism. She knew it would turn out like this, but her plan was only just beginning. She left to properly finish her shower just as Ataru finally managed to fix the ship's auto-pilot.

"Yahoo!" Ataru cheered. "That was easy! Now...I wonder, what else can I do?" Ataru began scanning through his book, giggling giddily at one particular instructional passage, and began typing with a mysterious and exciting new prospect. Lum rinsed the soap from her hair and massaged her shoulder, wrapping her arms and happily smiling as her mind wandered away...

She hoped the rest of the day would pan out based on Ataru's gained confidence.

"_I've done it!" Ataru cheered, pumping his arm up. "I can fly a spaceship now! All I had to do was pressure myself into..." and then he stopped. He realized a great truth behind his actions and turned to Lum, who waited by his side patiently. "No. I didn't do it alone, did I Lum?"_

"_Oh Darling" Lum said. He took her in his arms and they embraced lovingly. "I'm so glad that I could help you, Darling. I always knew you could do it!" Ataru pulled away just enough to look into her eyes. They shared such a tender moment, such a grand romantic pause that Lum's breath even stopped as he leaned in to thank her._

With her shower over Lum skipped out of the room in her regular bikini and a short, fluffy robe. She was so giddy and excited to make her fantasy a reality that she flew straight for the console room where she knew Ataru was still working. She peeked around the corner, seeing Ataru still seated so carefully and working so hard by typing and glancing between book and screen. She couldn't help it. She flew straight over and latched her arms around his neck, ignoring his cringe and pulling herself in close.

"Darling, you did it!" she cheered. She pressed in and kissed his cheek.

"Of course I did" Ataru said, turning the chair away from the screen. "I'm not an idiot. I studied enough to know how to...do the things."

"I'm so proud of you" Lum said, nuzzling into his neck. He gave her a one-arm hug back. Not as romantic as she imagined but he was trying, and that's what she counted. She looked up into his eyes, which were dodgy as usual, and pushed away just enough to give him breathing room. He turned his head away and Lum moved in front of it, determined to spark up some romance. He smiled nervously. "You don't have to be modest, Darling. I knew you could do it. Whenever you see something you want, you always pull through and get it."

"Yeaaaah" Ataru agreed. "I'm a pretty awesome guy." Lum played her hand, specifically by placing her hand on his cheek and forcing his thoughts to her lips.

"You're my Darling" Lum said softly. Ataru was nearly swept away in the moment, just an inch away from a victory, when the feed from the monitor registered a distant-sounding splash noise. Lum was pulled away, distracted from her own romance, and turned to the screen. Ataru tried to stop her, but once she got a glance it was too late. Ataru had discovered the program for using the UFO's telescopic zoom and was watching an open-air public bath. The girl's side where some playful young women were moving around with towels barely clutched to their breasts and steamy water rippling around their curvacious hips. Lum's smile quickly turned to a stunned look of disgust, but considering the perpetrator even that expression stopped and became pure, disappointed rage.

"What?" Ataru asked. "I figure out how to do that all on my own. Aren't you proud of me for that too?"

"**GRAAAAAAHHH!!!!!**" Lum roared. She toppled the chair, pushed Ataru to the ground and dug her nails into his shoulders. An electric light show shined out from the mid-orbit UFO and the light of Lum's lightning blasts reflected off of nearby satellites and reflective debris in the atmosphere. The keen eye could see a dim flash over the skies of Tomobiki, a phenomenon that Ten observed with Kotatsuneko over a cool slice of watermelon.

"Looks like he got what was coming to him" Ten said. Kotatsuneko nodded in agreement.


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Great and Perilous Mission Send-off!

* * *

The day before the mission began, the day when all the boys and girls who would man the great as-of-yet unnamed ship, the Mendo family decided it would be a most prudent and beneficial idea to hold a gallant banquet for the crew and all of their benefactors. Of course such a dinner party would be held inside, as the heat was beyond excruciating. The limousines busing dignitaries and shareholders whose careful money was invested in the plan all sat in a line outside the Mendo compound, each man in their stuffy suits anxiously waiting their turn to enter and be ushered into the fresh, cold Mendo mansion. The guards led group after group into the main ballroom located in East Block, Sector 12 under the tenth Eastern Silo.

The guests were treated to a harmonic symphony of strings half of which were played by able-handed Dappya-men in formal environmental suits to add to the atmosphere of galactic significance. The human populace mingled effortlessly, talking of better days and what they'd been doing since the heat increased, while most of the aliens already in attendance impatiently and some violently attacked the buffet table with all their strength. Of those aliens, obviously, was Benten.

"Dammit" Benten huffed. She took a handful of food and stuffed it in her face. Ryuunosuke watched her and sighed. For once she was dressed to kill instead of killing over a dress. She had an armored one-piece-style space-suit and slimming black thigh-high boots. She leaned to the table and pulled Benten away by her hair.

"You know" Ryuunosuke began, "that food's for the other guests too."

"Screw them" Benten said, grabbing Ryuunosuke's hair and standing up. "I can't believe you, Ryu! Of all the people to offer illegal trade to, why'd you have to trade to an Oni?"

"What're you talking about?" Ryuunosuke asked. "Lum's your friend as much as she is mine! I was just trying to help her out."

"Still" Benten said "when you jip my people you're jipping the greatest space-explorers and fleet commanders in the galaxy! Right when I had adopted you as my sister, you go and do something so royally idiotic! Now we could both get in trouble if anyone traces this back to us!"

"So why're we here!?" Ryuunosuke demanded. They looked around and saw a crowd of eyes turned their way. They casually parted and huddled their backs to the crowd, leaning in to talk in privacy.

"Just in case someone's raiding our home base" Benten whispered "they won't be able to charge us with anything if they can't find us in direct possession of any incriminating evidence. If we're here, they can't possible arrest us for treason, cause we aren't actively using the stolen data for anything."

"I don't get it" Ryuunosuke bluntly admitted. Benten grinned and groped her head, tussling her hair around and forcing her down.

"You're pretty simple, ain'tcha?" Benten said. Ryuunosuke broke her hold, grabbed her hand and twisted her arm around her back Benten cringed in pain and moved to the side to try and get an upper hold over Ryuunosuke. A wrestling match had spontaneously evolved, with many of the guests in attendance watching the two space girls rumble and tangle with each other. Most people just moved past them and went to the buffet tabled next to them, remaining passive to their unfeminine grunting and wrestling about.

"Ladies and Gentlemen" a man in black shades announced, pulling the attention of the crowd including both Benten and Ryuunosuke his way. "The crew of the ship, and the leading force to save humanity. I present to you, proudly, young master Shutaro Mendo and his company!" The guard bowed and walked away as clouds of hissing steam poured out form the floor and a huge platform began rising up from below the ground. On this platform was a Harrier Jet, and standing beside that jet was the illustrious Shutaro Mendo himself, waving and sparkling his teeth as he posed in his pure-white suit. The much more famous yet less esteemed Ataru Moroboshi stood some ways away in a plain tuxedo, keeping his balance with shaking arms and bowed legs so he didn't fall over. Lum hovered next to him wearing her tiger-patterned side-split dress, hooking her arm around his, to keep him steady. Tobimaro stood on top of the jet in his unwashed robes, unnoticed as of yet by Mendo himself, with his hair blowing heroically in the wind.

"Hello everyone!" Mendo greeted as the stage stopped moving with a loud mechanical clank. "I trust you are all in good health to see us off!" There was applause. Obviously there were enough stuff-shirts around the world to appreciate the tacky flair of a Mendo entrance to a party.

"Looks like his crowd" Ataru said, looking out into the mass of unfamiliar faces. He scanned the crowd, mostly for beautiful faces, and upon finding the most familiar two that he could his jaw dropped and his eyes began to sparkle.

"Just humor him, Darling" Lum said. "You know how he gets when his reputation seems to be on the line. Just smile and wave, okay?" Somehow Ataru had broken away and left Lum hugging his empty shirt sleeve. He tore his way through the crowd and made a diving reach for both Benten and Ryuunosuke, wordlessly shouting his voracious lust. Both girls took two steps back, let him land, then made a perfectly symmetrical and simultaneous push-kick to his chest. Ataru was knocked off his feet, flipped through the air, and landed expertly on his feet. The crowd was astounded with his acrobatics and amazing endurance until he grabbed his chest and buckled down to the floor in pain. Benten and Ryuunosuke stomped their feet and cocked their hips with cocky flips of their hair.

"Nice to see you too, Moroboshi" Benten said.

"Nice ain't the word I'm thinking of" Ryuunosuke said. "It's nice to hit you, though." Ataru was crying, and grinning, so at least he was happy. Lum darted through the air and grabbed him by the neck, pulling him up and holding him tight with a furious face. She started shocking him, then looked happily at the two girls.

"It's nice to see you two!" Lum said. Benten looked aggravated, but she was holding it back behind a breaking smile. Ryuunosuke grinned honestly and modestly shifted her weight.

_You better not make a spectacle of us, Lum_ Benten thought in anger. _The less I have to explain to the Fukujin fleet who had one of their ships stolen, the better._

"Everyone!" Lum announced, speaking into a microphone, "I have a special announcement!" Benten's heart stopped. She clutched her plate-mail chest in pain as a fearful cold sweat began cascading across her skin. Lum hovered over and all the live camera feeds were focused on her, Ryuunosuke and Benten who turned away and panted. "These are the real heroes that made this possible. At the last minute, when I was nearly ready to give up hope, my two friends Benten and Ryuunosuke Fujinami were able to get us the ship that we'll be piloting on our mission to the sun!" Loud and roaring applause for the girls. Ataru wormed his way into the shot, crawling up Ryuunosuke's side with a perverted grin, only to get elbowed away and forced out of the frame.

Somewhere in Tomobiki a television set was left on, and that live feed was played into the house proper of Ryuunosuke's family at the school. Of course, it had been so long and the peace had been so comfortable, that Mr. Fujinami and Nagisa paid her name no mind.

"What's that about?" Nagisa asked.

"My son's up to something" Mr. Fujinami said. "Don't worry. We'll see him again."

"Oh" Nagisa said, turning to the TV, "right there he is." Mr. Fujinami turned as well.

"Ah. Yeah, that's him. Ryuunosuke." They just made the passive note of it all and went on eating. Eventually he changed the channel to animal sports...

* * *

Once things calmed down a bit the true event began, a regal and gallant dinner with amazingly crafted meals in sets of eight courses all served on the finest Mendo-clan marked plates the young master would bother to allow his guests to eat off of. He couldn't easily order a separate one for Moroboshi, but letting him slop all over his very best china would be an unforgivable thing. The main crew sat at the head table with all the greatest dignitaries, which now included spots for the Fukujin representatives Benten and her adoptive sister Ryuunosuke. Lum and Ataru were beaming to see them again while Mendo just tried to make sure Tobimaro didn't try to spike his food, as he was wont to do.

"You'll have to tell us" Lum said "all about what you've been up to later, Ryuunosuke."

"It's not all that" Ryuunosuke admitted. She stayed modest as ever and just shrugged and chuckled off most praise, though she was grateful to see her friends again. She even smiled down the table to Ataru when she addressed him. Benten wasn't very approachable. Now that she'd been found out she was sure a scathing rant from her superiors was in her future, and she couldn't bring herself to enjoy the free food and its massive quantity. Ryuunosuke nudged her to knock her out of her lethargic coma and pointed down the table.

"Oh yeah" Benten said. "Hey, great pick with that ship, Lum. It's one of the best in the galactic fleet, y'know?" Benten chuckled dryly.

"Yeah" Lum chirped back. "I read the specs on it and everything. It's just what we-"

"And you knooow" Benten said, toying with the rim of her wine glass, "that ship is owned by a really well-know Fukujin warrior clan....One of the best fighters in the galaxy, riiight, Ryu?"

"Uh.....yeah" Ryuunosuke answered, not sure where her trailing was leading. Mendo looked over and sipped from his glass, not drinking wine as it would be grossly irresponsible, but a mildly flavored water that tasted very vaguely of tea. He wanted to make sure that any conflicts that could arise would be quelled before they evolved into conflicts at all. He pushed his chair out and politely set his napkin on his seat to preserve it. Tobimaro reached over and poured something into his drink.

"So what'd you think'd happen" Benten said, beginning some lazy slur of her words to emphasize her point, "if he found out who'd taken it from'im and changed it without'is 'mission?" Lum blinked at her for a moment. Ataru leaned out and looked down the table at her seductive glare and was smitten immediately. Lum clawed his thigh and nailed him in place, exerting her anger on him rather than show it.

"Benten...." Lum began in a concerned, low tone. Benten grinned at her, still trying to find a way to save her own face. Ryuunosuke just nervously leaned back and tried to enjoy her meal as the sparks seemed to shoot out between the two alien friends. "Are you drunk already?" Lum asked. Benten caught herself just before her head hit the table and pushed herself back straight to calmly breath herself to a more relaxed state. "You've barely had three glasses already. If you're already getting drunk so fast maybe you should be training you stomach again. You used to-" Benten cut her off with a volume-controlled bash of her hand against the table. She was visibly irked now. She was just about to shoot to her feet and shout Lum's ear off when Shutaro came up from behind and preemptively placd his hands on her shoulders.

"There, there, Miss Benten" he said charmingly, rubbing her shoulders. She was more confused than shocked or angry, though the anger was definitely there. Ryuunosuke whistled and sipped on her drink while Ataru fumed and disappeared, leaving Lum once again clutching the air. "I have no doubts that the Mendo Family's negotiation powers cannot extend even to your people. I'm sure they will understand the pretenses of what had happened and I can promise you that nothing bad will come of this." Shutarp turned around, keeping himself charming and calm, and looked straight at Tobimaro. "I saw that Ton-chan" he said. "Get me another drink" he ordered with a snap of his finger. Tobimaro turned back and snapped his fingers in defeat.

"You know" Ataru began, "I never realized how knotted up you are, Benten." Shutaro looked down at his hands to see that he was massaging the air. Not surprising, though he certainly looked shocked at first, but Ataru had taken his place and was slowly rubbing his elbow into Benten's shoulder. She shifted with the weight of his pressing, shrugging one shoulder after the other, calm again at last. Lum would have killed him outright if he hadn't prevented a fight just now. Shutaro began to draw his sword to kill him out of sheer anger but Ryuunosuke stopped his hand with a tight grip and finished her drink.

"Non-alcoholic, huh?" Ryuunosuke noted as she peered into her empty wine glass. She snapped to a passing waiter and drew him forward while still holding Mendo at bay. "Excuse me. Can I please get some normal wine? Any kind will do."

"Sure thing" the waiter said.

"Thanks, man" Ryuunosuke replied as he left. Mendo went on his knees. His knuckles were being cracked by an outside force.

"You shouldn't worry so much" Ataru said. "What's the worst that could happen if someone finds out you let Lum borrow a ship? A war?"

"Nothing new would happen" Benten said "if the Fukujin and the Oni just up and decided to go to war. This is a new era, Moroboshi. I'll probably get some kind of prohibition and Ryu will get canned from the clan I just got her into."

"Not that I did much work" Ryuunosuke admitted, still crushing Mendo's hand. "You just harped them out constantly to get me in."

"It worked, right?" Benten said. She was feeling so relaxed by Ataru's expert hands that she decided to lean forward and rest her head in a nest of her arms, much to the appall of the dignitaries sitting to her left, over her blatant lack of table manners. Lum got up and floated over, just to monitor Ataru's work and make sure it was perfectly legit at all times. "Besides, at the very worst, if I take all the blame for it, I'll get a royal scolding and be suspended to some kind of probationary duties on Neptune....or something." Lum was getting worried over how much she seemed to be enjoying the massage.

"Don't worry Benten" Ataru said in as manly a voice as he could. "If you have to stay on Neptune, that's fine. I'll be sure to visit every single day to keep your spirits up!" Lum clawed his shoulder and broke his manly form, reducing him to the slack-jawed fool that he really was. She leaned in and flashed her fangs at him, then softly retracted her position and just stood at the side once more.

"The only thing I'm worried about" Benten began "is the lack of certainty there is to that thing. Even if it's a Fukujin craft, and even if it's equipped with the most awesome gravity machinery available.....no ship has ever been seriously designed to move anything as hot or as dangerous as a star. Never mind the size of your sun compared to other stars out there, it's still an incredible danger to the entire galaxy and a whole slew of other cosmic life forms if the orbit of the sun gets screwed up." Ryuunosuke finally released Mendo, who whined and groaned in a high-pitch squeal for a moment before returning flawlessly to his prince-like charisma.

"Never fear, Miss Benten" Mendo exclaimed. "I did not invite all these people here just to wine and dine them into safety. They know better. More than half the people here are from military services the world over. Without a demonstration there would be no point in contacting them whatsoever." Mendo raised an arm up over his head and pointed to the heavens. He parted his legs and swept back his hair with his other hand, then made an echoing snap with his fingers.

"Let the demonstration begin!" He announced. Tobimaro swapped his plate with Mendo's. "Put that back, Ton-chan" Mendo said, not averting his heroic gaze from the ceiling. Tobimaro pounded the table with both his fists in exasperation.

* * *

The moment of truth was finally here. The moment that so many people had waited for. The unveiling of the super-ship, the great marvel of space technology combined with the fantastic mechanics of Earth engineering, which was also done by aliens. With Shutaro at the podium stood his crew, Benten and Ryuunosuke as guests and representatives from the Fukujin, the president of the neighborhood market association Mr. Dappya and of course the ever-clueless Tobimaro.

"What's under that big cover?" Tobimaro asked, referencing the ship that laid in the entire eleventh silo, taking up all of its expansive space. Mendo refused to acknowledge him. Everyone else just ignored his question as an all-too-obvious joke. Mendo turned to the audience and began his speech.

"Since man first looked to the stars" he began in a dated cliché, "he has always wondered what there could be beyond them. Now we know, in just these past few years we have come to know all that we can about the galactic existence above ourselves. More recently, many of those such beings have taken up residence in our humble town of Tomobiki, and have cornered their own job market." The Dappya crowd, which was sizable enough to stand out, applauded at their mention. The Dappya president applauded as well, then stopped and motioned up to Shutaro to continue. "Now we face a great danger from our once benevolent space."

"Benevolent?" Ataru said with a skeptical glare. "What kind of benevolence tries to destroy the Earth on a regular basis."

"Darling" Lum hushed, "it's nowhere near regular. It's completely irregular, if anything."

"But it still happens" Ataru argued.

"An extra-solar anomaly" Shutaro exclaimed "has plagued us for the past few months. Where and how it may have formed, no one quite knows, but I do know this: we modest people have the Earth shall not gravely go into this torture that the universe has thrust upon us. I say we shall fight back against the greater nature and triumph over it, using the collective power of all our galactic knowledge, from end to end of the solar system and far, far beyond! This, my friends, is the result of so much hard work, dedication, and the ultimate collaboration between Earth and its universe! I give to you..." and he stalled with yet another snap. He posed with a hand fanned out onto his chest and a stylish little spin.

Nothing happened. He opened his eyes, not breaking his cocky grin, and snapped again. Ataru just grinned and watched him snap and snap again.

"Damn!" Shutaro shouted, gripping his own hand and glaring at it. "What's going on? That was the signal! They should lower the cover now! What the hell!?"

"Maybe you aren't snapping right" Ataru said.

"Oh, shut up you!" Shutaro demanded. Ataru stepped away from Lum, did a spin identical to Shutaro and ended in the same pose with his hand straight up and ready to snap. Then he flicked his wrist and snapped his fingers as he threw his head up. A dramatic chord of pounding taiko drums sounded out as the cover was slowly drawn down from the massive frame of the ship. Shutaro was dumbstruck, utterly speechless, while Ataru received all the praise and brushed himself off and straightened up his tuxedo to make it look even easier than it really was. Lum looked coyly at him from the corner of her eyes.

"You two sure do think alike" she said. Ataru started chuckling gleefully. Mendo just stared at them.

"Eh?" he finally squeaked out. The heavy veil finally hit the ground and was blown slowly away by the roaring engines of the super-armored vessel. Shutaro recovered himself and took the microphone from the podium so that he could pose and dance around with it as he talked. "Behold! The great ship of the future, the _**Dappyamato!!!**_" The ship was certainly bulkier than the former slender, sleek battle-ship frame it arrived in. The hull had been considerably added to, making it incredibly thick, tolerant even to a nuclear explosion. The bridge was reinforced and covered in a domed structure of Mendo super-metal, which provided it with more natural protection due to the shielded shape. The giant gravity cannon had been affixed to a platform that slowly rose up from within the hull and detailed with super-metal in key parts of its structure to keep it from breaking down in the intense vacuum of space.

There was also a promotional portrait of president Mr. Dappya painted across the whole thing. He was on the sides, grinning with peace signs, on the gravity cannon on a knee giving spirit fins of astonishment, he was on the bridge with a soldierly salute and if one could see closely, under the flag of Japan and the Mendo clan, he had his own flag there as well. The audience was quizzical, and while most applauded they did so with curious and very strange looks on their faces. This was one surprise that they weren't expecting. It certainly trumped the spontaneous massage between earth-man and space-biker and the girl-on-girl brawl earlier. This topped it easily. The Dappya crowd applauded very loudly and even cheered with their eponymous calls.

"Is that the best name you could come up with?" Tobimaro asked loudly.

"Well" Shutaro began smoothly, "most of the work was done by the Dappya-men as led be Mr....Dappya, head of the marketing union. We couldn't refuse something as simple as a name request. It goes along perfectly with both of our designs, as I wanted to name it the _Yamato_."

"Wasn't it the _YamaMendo?" _Ataru said.

"That's even worse" Lum said with a grin.

"I forget what that thing's supposed to be called" Benten said, pressing a finger to her forehead. "Something with 'dragon' and 'sleeping', but not 'sleeping dragon'."

"It was called the 'Fierce Dragon of a Sleepless Moon'" Ryuunosuke recited. "Even I remembered that, Benten. Try and keep up, will ya?"

"Ah, shut it!" Benten teased, grinding her fist into Ryuunosuke's head. Ryuunosuke returned the gesture and a mild power struggle ensued.

"But there's one problem we haven't addressed yet" Lum said. Mendo turned to her and offered her the microphone. She refused it and beckoned him in further. He leaned in and let her whisper to him. "That ship has a minimum crew requirement of over 500 trained people. We only have six.....I think we're short on a realistic crew, Shutaro." Mendo drew away and just grinned.

"Don't tell me" Ataru began in disbelief. Shutaro took out a comb and brushed his hair back.

"Obviously" Shutaro said "you didn't expect me to let a slight oversight like that slip by? I prepared for everything!" Shutaro casually brought a hand up and snapped his fingers, this time triggering just what he wanted immediately. From below, a veritable army stood, all suited up in representative space suits. There were white-suited Men in black Shades from the Mendo compound, proudly wearing Shutaro's family crest on their shoulders. A legion of Girls in blue Glasses sporting the sporty khaki colored suits with the Tobimaro clan emblem on their back. And of course, most qualified of all, the the most willing and adept space-cadets from the Tokyo region, the Dappya-corps. They all gave a click-heel stomp and salute to the powerful young man. Lum and Ataru were speechless.

"How is that, Miss Lum?" Shutaro asked smugly. "Is that enough learned crewmen for you?" He turned and grinned a sparkling, cocky smile at her. She just grimace it off while the sparkle cause a glare and blinded Ataru. Tobimaro was observing the army while Ryuunosuke and Benten continued their pushing contest at the other end of the platform.

"Is there more?" he asked.

"What!?" Shutaro exclaimed. "How could we need any more people!?"

"I'm just saying" Tobimaro began "that you could have gotten more, right?" Shutaro grunted speechlessly and slapped his forehead, smoothing his hair back with a tense hand.

"You" Shutaro said, glaring through his lashes at his childhood rival, "will not be making it back from the mission safely....I can guarantee that..." Tobimaro smirked and stepped forward to accept the challenge.

"We'll just see about tha-" and the fight found its way to him. Benten and Ryuunosuke accidentally plowed into Tobimaro and sent him down from the platform while Mendo smugly brushed his hair above, listening to the impact and the two girls harmlessly going at it while Tobimaro made no sound from below..

"I hope they're okay" Lum said.

"Ah, they'll be fine" Ataru said. "Tobimaro too. I'm sure we can bandage him up and throw him in the ship before lift-off, right Mendo?" Mendo nodded. And so the great ship was revealed, its proper crew established, and already the first infirmary bed was filled. Perhaps it would stay filled for the rest of the mission...


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Mission Begins! Take Flight, Dappyamato!!!

* * *

The crew was suited up and ready to board. The gangplanks descended from the main portcullises of the ship, twenty strong and sturdy space-metal boarding walkways for the crew of well over five hundred to march up after their superior officers. Those officers, the six least likely yet most suitable commanders, were still fitting their space suits in the separate changing rooms.

"Agh, damn!" Mendo shouted suddenly. "Why didn't I think to do this before!? We'll be late for the send off. We'll have to delay the fireworks by at least a half an hour so they don't hit us on our take off ascent!"

"What'd that do?" Ataru asked as he slipped off his tux jacket. Mendo grabbed a phone off the wall and shouted into it.

"Delay the fireworks! 30 minutes!" Ataru looked at him curiously as he unbuttoned his white shirt and removed his tie.

"Seriously" Ataru began, "that ship can withstand the heat of the sun up close. What would a bunch of fireworks do?"

"Are you a fool" Mendo asked "or are you just plain mad!? The ship needs a perfect vertical ascent in order to break orbit. It's been automatically set to get itself on course once it's out of the atmosphere from a very specific launching position. If the position is at all compromised pre-orbit, we would miss the sun entirely and drift off into space with until we could get that gigantic ship to turn around and head back for Earth so that we can try again!!!" Mendo was panting hard both from the anger of his rushed explanation and the amount he had just spoken in a single breath. Ataru turned away and looked up and away from Mendo.

"'S that so?" Ataru said. "Well I'll be..." That was it. All of Mendo's hard work at explaining had been wasted and he fell to the floor. Tobimaro was already legging up his suit across the room, staying stoic and determined as he slipped the thickly padded thing up over his head and over his arms.

"Why are these suits so thick?" Tobimaro asked. "We're going to the sun. Shouldn't we wear less?"

"Fool!" Mendo said, pushing himself up from the floor to his feet. "These suits are insulated to prevent our bodies from overheating. They are the best space suits manufactured here on Earth."

"Couldn't you afford alien ones?" Ataru asked as he slipped off his pants. "I mean, they are better at making them." Mendo scoffed and turned away, looking miffed.

"My father" Mendo began "realized the same thing, but the contractual obligations that my family made in order to undertake this operation were quite strict. I had to use as many earthly materials as I could in preparing myself and my crew for this mission, which doesn't apply to the Dappya men who worked for the promotional benefits of naming our ship. We would have lost the astronomical amount of money that we spent if we hadn't picked up the world-wide sponsorship and approval, and therefore we have to represent our planet proudly. Even if that means lacking the appropriate alien-crafted resources to make our journey easier, we must endure for the sake of our proud planet!"

"And the egotistically proud Mendo name!" Ataru added, slipping himself beside Shutaro.

"Yes!" Mendo agreed. "My family is more egotistical than most, after all..." Only now did he catch himself and wring his fist. He looked over with a glare, but Ataru was already across the room, zipping up his suit and latching up the air-tight locks. Shutaro saw that Tobimaro already had his helmet on and was standing with his ponytail billowing in front of his face, twitching and tickling his nose. Shutaro was far behind and began tossing his clothes off as quickly as he could.

Meanwhile, in the girl's locker room, the extra suits from the reserve had been brought in for Ryuunosuke and Benten to wear while Lum was already suited from her hips down. She flipped her hair behind her back and reached down for a pin on the bench to tie it all back.

"Jeez" Ryuunosuke said as she began to unbuckle her armor. "I wish I had hair like yours, Lum, even if I wouldn't know what to do with it."

"Thanks, Ryuunosuke" Lum said. Benten just scoffed. "What?" Lum asked. "You know, without that chain, you have pretty long hair too." Benten gained a cocky, yet aggravated, smirk while Ryuunosuke looked at her with a sense of defeat.

"That's why I wear the chain" Benten said as she dropped her plate mail. "Without it my hair could get dirty on the battlefield, or some punk could grab it and yank me around."

"True" Lum said with a shrug. The blatant casualness that she handled the entire situation with was starting to get on Benten's nerves. She had been exploited as a potential traitor on a galactic level, and her people were surly on their way to reclaim the stolen ship before it was sent hurtling into the sun against their wishes. Benten turned around and fluffed her hair up before detaching her chain, making sure her nervous face couldn't be seen by either of the two girls.

_This ain't good_ she thought. _The Fukujin war-fleet is directly responsible for handling treachery and thievery of this level. Those rich royal bastards are going to have a hay-day hanging me up and whipping me for insolence! Lum just doesn't understand the real danger of this entire situation! Nobody does! We could get killed!!!_Benten straightened up as she was beginning to slip on her insulated gloves, having immediately come to the realization of where the mission was headed.

"Well" she quietly began, "I suppose we could be dead regardless of what we do, so it isn't worth stopping." She sighed and pulled the rest of the suit on and zipped it up across her back.

"What was that?" Lum asked.

"Ah, just talking to myself" Benten said, waving the matter off as unimportant. "I'm kinda anxious to see how this all works out, if at all, y'know?"

"It better work out" Lum said "or we'll all die."

"Damn" Ryuunosuke bluntly said. She slipped her sleeves on with her wrap holding her breasts and managed to zip it up herself, only noticing until after it was on that she was wearing the regulation male suit.

"Wow" Benten said. "That's a laugh." Lum just looked it over while Ryuunosuke fumed and steamed viciously.

"I guess they ran out of girl's suits" Lum said, innocently placing a finger to her mouth. Ryuunosuke took in a sharp breath and prepared to scream...

* * *

One busted face later, Ryuunosuke had herself a girl's regulation suit and was standing next to Benten at the base of one of the many gangplanks that led to the proper interior of the massive ship that hovered behind. The crowd of investors, representatives, journalists and generally gathered esteemed public cheered and applauded as the ascent began.

In special seating, right in the front row and guarded by a wall of faithful Mendo guards, Ataru's parents clapped and cried joyful tears over their departing son, who undertook a task greater than nearly any other man. Ataru waved to them, then promptly began waving and grinning at all the pretty faces he could spot. Lum's mother, representing her father as well, cheered for her among a host of tiger-striped battle-armored Oni guards. Mendo's parents stayed dignified and stoic through the end, giving their charismatically waving son a nod and a gentle sense of appreciation. The Mizunokoji family did the same, seeing their son standing so boldly with his helmet already on, his ponytail whipping up and tossing itself into his eyes.

"Seems like a big thing" Ryuunosuke said to Benten. "We've been in space plenty of times. The most of a send of we got was getting stuff tossed at us as we left."

"Well" Benten said, tightening up her gloves, "I guess that's just the kind of send off girls like us should be used to. They're just being downright dramatic about this...for good reason." Ryuunosuke looked at her strangely.

"What reason?" she asked.

"Well" Benten said, fastening her gloves again after refitting them to her hands, "you honestly think this is going to go off without a hitch? We ain't just going for some out-of-the-way planet, Ryu. We're heading for the Sun, the center of the entire solar system. How many things you think can escape the Sun's orbit at a terminal velocity and come back to tell people about it?" Ryuunosuke looked away and cupped her chin to think, but Benten didn't allow her the convenience of actual time. She simply answered "None. Nothing gets away from something like that. It's like trying to investigate a black hole up close. You get pulled in, and that's it. Only in this case, we're going to get incinerated before we get super-compressed from the pressure and implode." Ryuunosuke was stunned by her cynicism and nervously crossed her arms.

"I guess one good thing" Ryuunosuke began in a defeated voice "is that my own dad ain't here to screw this up."

"That's the spirit!" Benten shouted, slamming her on the back, shooting the strong force of her powerful arm through the padding of her space suit and jarring her back. "Stay on the positive side before it gets roasted off!" After the formalities of farewell were over, the processions of columned troops began marching up the planks to the melodic Japanese tunes played by a beautiful, symphonic orchaestra that echoed high above the dull roar of the hovering spacial engine noises. Each column of the crew was led by a more famous member of the bridge, each resident Tomobiki player guiding their own group of men or women up the planks and into the ship. Mendo, Ataru and Tobimaro all guided the men, Lum and Benten the women and Ryuunosuke begrudgingly guided the Dappya-monsters who stayed in disciplined order as they climbed the slant.

After a solid ten minutes of marching and boarding, the gangplanks were drawn up and into the ship, closing the latches shut and sealing them over with Mendo-metal coated port doors.

"Isn't this a majestic day, mother?" Mr. Moroboshi said to his wife, who continued to wipe away tears form her cheek as they rolled down from her face. She nodded and looked u at him.

"He's such a reliable boy when he wants to be" she said. She turned to her husband and embraced him, pulling away to meet his eyes. "Now we can have all the food we want!"

"And it'll never run out prematurely!" he agreed. There was joyous crying from them.....for a joyous occasion. The ship was commanded by the first-class engineers already on board, Dappya-men at the helm of the bridge, and the initial take-off was underway. The ship began to shake as it slowly began its straight vertical ascent into the blazing hot noon sun. The group of six met up in the curved hallway that led to the elevator to the bridge and looked at each other with a rushing sense of panic, all of it coming from Mendo.

"We're moving" Mendo said. "Everyone to their rehearsed positions!"

"Roger!" Ryuunosuke shouted. She and Benten boarded the lift first, then Ataru dove in after them followed by an irked Lum, a militantly dashing Shutaro and finally joined by the cool Tobimaro. The doors slid closed and the lift went up. In any other case the elevator ride would have been bearable, but the suits made it so cramped that no one could easily breath. Shutaro stayed reserved and focused but Ataru and Lum were gasping against the wall.

"Gwah!" Lum gasped. "Why did we have to put these on so soon?" she asked.

"Publicity, I'm afraid" Shutaro answered. Ryuunosuke was desperately trying to push Ataru away from her as the cramped space was pushing him into her.

"Get offa me, jerk!" she exclaimed.

"I can't help it!" Ataru defended. He turned around and went chest to padded chest with her, wearing a goofy smile on his face. "You should just enjoy it while you can, Ryu-chan! We've got a lot of catching up to do anyway!" Benten grinded her unpadded fist into his head and grinned at Lum who nodded approvingly. Finally the elevator dinged, the doors opened and Shutaro and Tobimaro fell out from the pressure.

"I may have miscalculated the thickness of these suits" Shutaro admitted "when I was considering the actual dimensions of the ship."

"Fool!" Tobimaro said. They were promptly trampled on by the rest of their commanding crew who walked up a wide flight of stairs to the huge, open-spaced bridge closed up by the thickest military-grade space-glass possible to manufacture. It wasn't thick in inches, but in mass and molecular structure the beings of the greater cosmos were hard pressed to find glass that got any better than the Fukujin military glass. Benten grinned at the thought of that while the rest of her friends gawked at the impressive layout of the bridge.

"Ain't seen anything like it before, have ya?" she asked.

"No" Lum said in total awe. "This is amazing! Daddy's warships aren't even this big!" The room was a full court of three descending levels. On the bottom row, a rounded row of many consoles with their own small displays and arrays of knobs and button panels, spread the entire length of the bridge. The second level was almost fully manned already by Dappyas, and held the majority of the flight controls in a similarly arranged but more spread apart fashion. Only five consoles there, each bigger than the ones down below, and each holding an important function that was managed by a single, well-learned technician.

On the top level, a steep hill of velvet red surrounded by floating holographic displays and constantly scrolling readouts in English, Japanese and traditional pan-Galactic script, there sat a single hovering chair with a straight back and straighter arms. The Captain's seat, a raw and powerful throne of command where the most learned of operators sat to monitor all the ship's processes and give their orders with the charismatic control of a magnificent leader. It was only fitting for such a leader to take that seat, and from that seat spun in a hovering swivel and Dappya-man who flashed a peace sign before hopping out and descending the stairs to the main crew.

"Here's the key" he said, tossing a metal card to Ataru. He fumbled it but gripped it and looked it over. "Make sure you don't gun it too hard, Dappya. We'll be out of the atmosphere in a few minutes, so just leave it to us, Dappya!" and the currently working crew replied with a loud and sudden "Dappya!!!"

"You heard him" Shutaro said. "We must waste no time." Ataru looked over the card with intense curiosity.

_How is this a key?_ He wondered.

* * *

"Alright" Shutaro began. "The first thing for us to do is change into our proper garb." Shutaro therefore stole the card from Ataru's hand, pressed a button and let his suit fall around him automatically. Benten snickered, expecting something a bit more perverted to happen, but the grin was quickly wiped from her face when she saw him.

Everyone looked a bit startled when they saw him fully clad, from head to foot, in a regal and sleek space uniform. It was pure white with a black V-shaped dip going from around the tight collar to the belt around his waist. From the wrists of his sleeves another black V stripe extended on the outer edge to his elbow. His slacks were white with black stripes on the outside seam that followed down into the tight black shoes on his feet. Everything seemed silken and sleek, very fitting and flattering to his form, with a Mendo family crest badge next to his heart. He brought a tight fist up to his chest and brought his other arm around behind his back, letting it hang there pressed against the small of his back.

"Mendo" Ataru began in awe, "where'd that come from?" Mendo glanced back at him with a look of disgust.

"Fool!" He shouted as he whipped around on his sleek, space-material heels. "This is the true uniform we will be wearing for our voyage. The Dappya-men from the market district had a stock of space-silk lying around and an old space-loom to use at a commissioners request." Arrogantly he continued after a brush of his hand through his hair. "However, their normal business isn't as well versed in alien culture as I, so immediately upon learning of their technological access, I had suits made for those of us who would embark on this quest."

"Really?" Tobimaro asked. "Then, why weren't they in our lockers in the locker room back on the ground?" Mendo was hit with the blunt force of Tobimaro's question so hard that he lost his footing and was barely standing on the toes of one foot with his arms up over his head making painful signs. The others had simply vaulted to the floor. Mendo stomped forward and rushed Tobimaro with flaring eyes.

"It didn't occur to me" Mendo raged "that you fools wouldn't check your own lockers in a **changing room!!!**"

"Well, whatever" Ataru said as he slowly disrobed of his suit. He let the padded mess hit the floor and garnered a disgusted look from Mendo, and amorous and skeevy look from Benten and a plain, passive look from Lum. He was giggling victoriously in his boxers and undershirt, standing bowlegged with his fists at his hips, grinning madly down at Mendo. "Regardless, I was still smart enough to stay dressed! This is my victory, Mendo! Heehahaha!!!" Mendo threw an octopus pot at him and shattered it against Ataru's head. He didn't fall over, he just kept his head tilted back from the force of the blow.

"Victory over _**what!?**_" Mendo demanded.

"Y'know" Ataru defended, his head rolled onto his shoulder, "stuff." Mendo stomped and gave a frustrated growl, holding his hands against the sides of his head. He then slowly turned around and crouched far, far down, staying on his toes as he covered his head from the madness behind him and shook fearfully.

_Calm down, Shutaro Mendo_ he said to himself. _Through no mistake of your own have you ended up with the most moronic, self-destructive fool in the entire universe, the bane of all things with positive karma and the registered nexus of all misfortune! Not only that, but a war-hungry alien prone to extremely destructive bursts of violence, Miss Ryuunosuke who is of Earth but with similar tendencies and a shorter temper, Ton-chan who needs no explanation and, thought it pains me to admit, I believe Lum tends toward the path of destruction rather than intellectualism...I must pull myself together and harbor all the strength we have, allowing no weakness to take hold of the crew, so that the mission may be successful!_

Benten lightly kicked at him from behind. "Yo" she called. "You dead down there?"

"Don't disturb him" Lum warned. "He may break down if you push him too far!"

"Push, Benten, push!" Ataru cheered. Lum gave him a stern, padded elbow that he giggled at. "Come on, Lum! I'm just as qualified to pilot this thing as he is, you know that."

"Maybe so" Lum said, "but it is still partly Shutaro's ship. He modified it under his own name, so we're obligated to let him lead however he wants." Benten couldn't help but overhear that and succumb to a twitching grin.

_Seriously?_ Benten thought. _I can use this guy as a scapegoat and get away with it? I can even let Lum get away with it with me! Neither of us have to suffer or blame each other! This guy'll take the blame for us! I don't even have to give him anything and he'd do it! Just a wink or blow him a kiss, he's just as dumb as Moroboshi is anyway!!! YES!!! I AM BLAMELESS!!!!_ Benten leaned down and laid a gentle hand at Shutaro's back.

"Cheer up captain" she said. "We need a leader right now, y'know?" She gave him a sparked little wink and got back up to her feet again. She waited a moment, looking down as seductively and sweetly as she could, and after only a short moment went back to trying to stir him with a soft kick and a stern "Yo! Wake up!"

"That doesn't help" Ryuunosuke said. "Anyway, if we have to be in costume for this crap, I need to find where to change at. All I'm wearing under here is my wrap." Tobimaro turned to her curiously and looked down his own suit.

"Ah, dammit!" Tobimaro groaned. He unzipped and let fall his suit, revealing that he was still fully garbed up in his samurai robes underneath it all. "I knew I forgot something back there!" He snapped his fingers and planted his fists to his hips.

"You two are hopeless" Ryuunosuke said, mentioning both Tobimaro and Shutaro together. Tobimaro scoffed and let a cool breeze pick up his hair while he folded his hands into his big sleeves.

"Shu-chan was always that way" Tobimaro said, speaking up to an invisible sky or stage light or something that would otherwise receive the focus of his dramatic prose. "He's a spoiled kind of guy. If he doesn't get his way, exactly as he wants things to go, he breaks down and gets mad. That's why he and I are rivals. Because, while we compete against each other so fervently, **I'm exactly the SAME WAY!!!**" He announced his last lines with the kind of verve and power usually accompanied by the loud crash of a wave against some rocks. Benten was looking at him with an entertained smirk when Shutaro rose to his feet, gathering up the attention of his crew, setting all eyes upon him by his presence alone when he was fully erect. He turned slowly and grinned so brightly that the shadows around him fled in fear.

* * *

"Everyone" he began, light sparkling around him, "we can do this. I know it seems like an impossible task, with impossible effort required, a mission fit only for a group of daring adventurers who take all risks and break through the most impossible of obstacles, but I believe that if we come together, together there shall be nothing out of our reach. Together, manning this magnificent station as one, we shall pluck the very immature sun from the orbit of our great Amaterasu like a grape from a vine, and take it far away, to the edges of out own understanding of the galaxy, and accomplish what no one in the entire universe deems as possible! I believe, together, that we can do it! TOGETHEEEEEER!!!!" The shining, gleaming light around him only served to force him to stand out against the hard red floor underneath him. If anything, his team was even more unsure of him than they were before.

Finally, Lum spoke up. Shutaro turned to her, one hand pressed against his chest and the other reaching out like he was trying to take hers and make a gracious bow with it. "Um, that's all fine Shutaro, but can you at least tell us where the uniforms would be?" Shutaro didn't break his charismatic pose, not a single inch was given. He was still grinning bright and his eyes still sparkled with inspiration. Finally, bashfully, Lum spoke up again and very slowly unzipped the back of her suit. Ataru was behind her. He reeled back in shock at what he saw.

"You see," Lum began softly, bringing down the wide metal color of her suit just enough for her bare naked back to be seen by Shutaro, "I....don't have my uniform on either...." Shutaro's pose was broken. He fell to the realm of earthly men and dropped his arms flat down, a twitching bob taking over his nose and a twitching grin building up one jerking twitch at a time.

".....D-Don't you, now???" he said. His eyes rolled back and projected into his mind a series of hopeful images, a naked Lum laying on a spread of delicate silk, biting her finger or stroking her cheek, covered by the dainty and thin layer of silken pink that floated around with her, until one final image blasted his heart with lust and gushed blood from his nose. Even so, with his white uniform recolored red down the torso and Lum's bare back still exposed, Shutaro retained a dignified look and smiled as he gave a positive thumb up.

"Miss Lum" he began, "I appoint you second in command."

"What kind of process is that?" Ataru asked. "Move Benten to the chair. This ship was made by her people." Lum turned around with a gleeful smile bitten down by her upper lip, tickled and utterly giddy over her shameless prank. Her bra was on, hooked around her neck instead of around her back, and the strap hidden by a thin layer of her unbound hair. Her bottom was on as well, but the less they knew was more fun for her. Benten snickered along and eventually fell to the floor with boisterous laughter. Ryuunosuke was unamused and turned to Tobimaro.

"Let's just ask around" she said. Tobimaro nodded and walked with her. "It's gotta be close, I bet."

"Let's hope it's not across the ship" Tobimaro said. The entered the elevator, now with plenty of space, and left the control room to their four disappointing friends. Ataru patted Mendo on the back and knocked him to the floor. His blood-loss required immediate medical attention. On the trip along side his stretcher, Lum guiltily wrung her hands together and looked down. Ataru gave her a pat on the back, untied her top and reset its knot a bit lower down her back. She grinned at him and looked away.

"Ah, I thought it was funny, Lum" Ataru said, hand around her shoulders, pulling her in.

"You wanna see what _I'm_ not wearing under here?" Benten said to Shutaro's body as she pulled on her flexible, metal fastening collar. His eyes rolled back again and a pair of forceps clamped on his nose before the blood could come.

"Please don't provoke the patient, Dappya" the Dappya-nurse said. Benten chuckled and leaned back.

"Seriously, though, I'm totally nude under this thing" she said casually and loudly. Ataru tripped back in delight while Shutaro's body sat upright, grabbed the edges of his blanket and sprayed out the last of his blood before passing back out. Benten just stared at him and watched the Dappyas cart him ever faster into the blood-recovery wing of the infirmary. The ship had just broken orbit, leaving behind a sky adorned with bright and glittering fireworks, the true action behind the crew's parting left unknown to the rest of the waiting world...


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Great Space Voyage of the Amazing, Super-Versatile Crew!!!

* * *

The ship ascended far above the atmosphere, above the thin blue outline of our precious planet, and aimed its bow for the sun. With the open darkness of space and the moon far behind it, the engines kicked on to a full sparking blast and a streaking line of power shot across the sky like a bright shooting start carving through the starry night. The Dappyamato, a ship greater than its name, began propelling itself through space with the heavy gun stored for use under the deck, a fully manned crew taking their stations within the mighty ship. At the command center, taking the helm of the captain's seat was Tobimaro, whose only duty at the present was to sit and warm the seat. He didn't take grudge against the orders, or question. He just did them as they were simple enough for him to understand and do effortlessly. What other reason should he need to do such a simple job?

Mendo was fine once more and sat up in his bed with gauze rolls in his nostrils. The infirmary, though alien in build and construction, bore great resemblance to a regular earthly hospital. It had the rows of beds against the wall with the machinery for maintaining basic life functions pre-built into the hull. The heartbeat and other miscellaneous vitals were read through a holographic digital read-out screen in Fukujin and Japanese text that hovered right over the patient's bed for all to see. A legion of nurses and doctors made rounds, even though they only had one real patient and many space-sick travelers, wearing all-white suits and dispensers around their waists that drew out sterile gloves and tongue depressors.

Mendo clasped his hands together and sighed, then turned to his friends who had gathered with a grin.

"Worry not, everyone" he said. "I am quite alright now. Thankfully, they had plenty of AB positive blood in storage to keep me alive, and though my spleen has suffered a great duress to resupply my body in such a short time, I have been ensured that it too will make a full recovery."

"You're blood type is AB positive too?" Ataru said in amazement. He then giggled gleefully. "Man, we're like twins!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!!!!" Mendo roared in reflex. He drew back, looking between Ataru and the floor, with a gracefully withheld rage on his face. "In any case, I'm just glad to see you finally obeying some orders for once, Moroboshi." Ataru was dressed in his commander's uniform. It was much like Mendo's except the color scheme of his was white with red triangular marks and his top was looser and bound tight to his waist with a technology-powered utility belt. In it were multiple pocket dimensions that led off to some compressed super-space where he had a whole menagerie of items at his disposal, like cameras and binoculars and tongue depressors and, for some odd reason, rope. He could pull miles and miles of rope from one pocket along his belt.

Ataru gave himself a look over and kicked the tough heels of his space boots against the floor. "Yeah" he began, "well, I wear it pretty well." He puffed out his chest and pressed his fists against his hips, striking a heroic pose with a manly face. "You have to be a great kind of man to wear something like this!" Lum grabbed the fat of his belly and forced him to exhale all his manly energy and drop back down to his regular self, scowling at Lum as she continued to clutch his stomach.

"I hate you" Ataru said. "You know, just as an aside." Lum stuck her tongue out playfully and drew her hand back with a smile. Her outfit was the same, but much tighter and form-fitting. Also, it was obviously tiger-stripped to suit her own alien preferences and she kept her regular casual boots on over the skin-tight stockings. Benten's was white and red, standard Fukujin colors, but the scantness of its tightness made her uncomfortable, and she was busy scanning over her body very carefully, front and back, knowing she wore nothing but a micro-fiber weave of energy-resistant fabric.

_I get how Lum can be comfy in this_ Benten thought. _She's used to flying around, half naked, and she's got no reason to be ashamed of it. Neither do I, per se, but still, it feels like I'm naked. And with Moroboshi so nearby....._ Benten felt a shiver. The leering eyes of some pervert were definitely on her, stripping her slowly from top to bottom, emitting a terrible lecherous aura. Benten clutched her breasts and tried to huddle her knees together in vain while Ataru and Lum silently bickered with light pushes and hot glares. Still, through it, they were smiling, and they were glaring at each other.

But Benten slammed Ataru on the head with a wrench anyway, as a reflex.

"Die, perv!" she roared. Lum looked down at her Darling, then up at the weapon and the panting Benten, grabbed the wrench and jolted Benten with a quick zap. She smoked and smoldered for a moment before opening her mouth and puffing out a cloud of black smoke. "What'dya do that fer?" she asked.

"Why did you hit Darling?" Lum demanded, hovering protectively over his body.

"He was creeping me out!" Benten said with a visible shudder.

"How?" Lum demanded. "He wasn't even looking at you! I was staring him dead in the eyes the entire time!"

"Well I felt someone staring at me!" Benten said. Shutaro slowly drew his eyes away, then turned his head with a diabolical grin.

_Of course she blames Moroboshi_ he thought. _Who else would do it? Certainly not me, the esteemed Shutaro Mendo and head of the current Dappyamato expedition, would glare so lecherously at any beautiful girl. Not I, who is already in the throes of intense pain and hospitalization, but the perfectly and perpetually healthy Moroboshi! Of course...._ Shutaro look down at the defeated Moroboshi as Lum's rage escalated.

"Darling's better than he used to be!" Lum shouted, stomping down onto his back as she tensed up her stance. Benten stomped as well, just barely missing his head. "He doesn't just randomly flirt or grope girls anymore when I'm around. And even when I'm not, I haven't heard of him doing anything terrible around town! He's a much better Darling!!!"

"Like I'd believe that!" Benten roared. Shutaro's evil grin resonated with a red glow.

_And with this_ he thought, _it is **my victory**, Moroboshi!!!_ The doctors walked past the scene, half-stopping to see it, then they turned and walked away. Mendo reiterated his victory for good measure, widening his eyes with menace. _Mine! MINE! Not yours! MUAHAHAHA!!!_

"You okay, Shutaro?" Lum asked, catching him in the act. She leaned in to look at his face but he nervously turned away and laughed it off. Benten just crossed her arms, finally knowing the truth, while he continued to laugh and laugh. Ataru rubbed his head and stood back up, used to the pain, and saw Lum hovering over Shutaro's bed. "You looked bad for a second. Are you in pain?" Shutaro didn't answer her. He was too nervous to give himself away. He just kept laughing while Ataru and Benten watched curiously. Then Ataru looked around.

"Where's Ryu-chan?" he asked with pursed lips. Benten cocked her brows at him, then cupped her chin and titled her head away to think.

"Hmmm" she hummed. "Where _did_ that guy go?"

* * *

Ryuunosuke posed in a mirror. At first it was a straight and narrow pose, then she took a more feminine pose to accentuate her figure. One arm up and palm resting on the back of her head, the other pushing at her hip while her leg cocked up. She tried half-shutting here eyes and pursing forward her lips, but the effect was absolutely not feminine as intended. Her safety wrap was showing too greatly in her gray and blue skin-tight suit, and aside from that the great discomfort of feeling naked struck at her and made her unable to think right. She posed again. This time both hands on her hips, her hips cocked to the side, and a quick throw of her head so her bangs would flip to the side and swing back down to give her a windswept look.

She continued to pose while Dappya-monsters made their way in and out of the locker room, wearing their regular sea-blue scaled environmental suits that doubled as space-ready with just the slipping of gloves over their fins. Ryuunosuke realized her defeat with a sight and began removing the arduously well-fitted suit. She unzipped it partially from the back, as far down as her reach there would go, and then just peeled it off with her hands. As she did she continued to sigh and look at the extra men's regulation uniform on the bench to her side. Her last option. It would feel like regular clothing at the expense of her femininity, but it would be better for her to wear than something that feels like nothing at all.

_This sucks_ she thought as she stripped. She stopped at her sarashi wrap and sighed, watching her chest barely move. _I thought I'd get past wearing this if I hung out with Benten long enough. I mean, she doesn't use one and she's just about as girly as I am...but I guess I can't just kick a habit that I went on forming for nearly all my life so far.....I can't just get used to not wearing this and being fine with it. It doesn't work that way..._ She placed a hand at her chest and gripped the top layer of the wrap, slowly pulling it out. Her breasts seemed to fill the slack the wrap gave up to a certain point, a certain D-cup sized point. _I swear, these things keep getting bigger and bigger! I hope they stop soon. Eventually it ain't gonna matter how tight my wrap is..._

Ryuunosuke went to put on the male uniform, but stopped for a moment and deeply considered her option with a very serious thinking pose. _Well, I guess I could just not wear my wrap and tie it down with a belt. That'd make my chest stand out, but then again, without a bra I'd just be leaving it unguarded entirely. And with Moroboshi on board......Damn. I guess I'm totally out of options. I'm gonna have to wear my wrap no matter what. The least I can do is leave it a little loose so it isn't choking me down or nothing...._

Ryuunosuke was about to give in and surrender to her limited options when she looked up and saw something in an alien speak. It was Fukujin, a language she had been learning and nearly perfecting recently, and it was on a guiding sign that led down a turning hall. She read it carefully, knowing how the ancient script could be easily misread. It read 'ARMORY' each time she read it. Ryuunosuke made a hurried grab and pulled on her panties, making sure she was at least partially clothed before marching off in that direction.

Meanwhile, outside the dressing rooms of the ship's aft section, near the engines so the showers could heat faster, Tobimaro made a bored pace. He was stretching his arms over his head and leaning his body in time to some inane rhythm that pulsed inside his head.

"I'm bored" Tobimaro said. "I wish this place had a place for me to train in. I can't stand just sitting around, not doing anything, for so long.....where am I?" He looked up at the Japanese sign for the women's changing room and turned around with a stern stare to the floor. His mouth was in a quivering tension. "Ah, I see, I've wandered all the way here. I should go then. Wouldn't want any unnecessary slip-ups or awkward situations to come up around me...." He was too late. He heard the stomping of metal feet against the floor as they came in his direction from the changing room. Ryuunosuke returned to the floor decked in armor, plated and padded space armor fit for flying amidst the ballistic battalions without a ship around her. Superior armor for fighting on any planet that didn't use lasers, or superior against the brute physical force of the Fukijin traditional ground wars fought with clubs and sabers and spears.

Tobimaro was first amazed with the flawless crossing of modern and old, traditional Japanese themes in the armor. It was part Samurai with plates tied to solid plates, part domineering Hockey equipment with the soft yet firm padding and the wide, wrapping grips of the leg and arm braces. There were even six slots where swords of differing types could be fitted around the waist, but they went unused. Ryuunosuke had the helmet down behind her like a hood. When activated a lower jaw rose up as the helmet was drawn over the head and when clamped together the wearer had nigh impermeability in the head region. Closed it was sealed and rounded to fit a face with a ring of holes around the mouth and a one-way reflective visor at the eyes, otherwise forming a very dense yet distant dome around the head.

Tobimaro took one look, one half of a look, and instantly was enthralled by it. The perfect blending of contemporary and modern, the flawless designing of the fitting clamps and the straps that held the shoulders so loosely to the breastplate for easier movement. He approached it and awed over it as if it weren't occupied. Ryuunosuke looked down and grabbed him by his ponytail, tugging at it so that his starry eyes and agape, drooling mouth were fixed on her face instead of her armored chest.

"See something you like, pal?" she asked humbly. Tobimaro grabbed her hand and puffed steam from his nose.

"Where did you get this armor!?" he demanded. Ryuunosuke used her other arm and pointed behind her, into the women's locker room. Ignoring the obvious, Tobimaro made a dashing sprint through to the armory wing and cackled loudly as he ripped through it to find more armor. He finally reached a far wall where rows of the same armor hung down gloriously, like heavenly fruit bore from the branches of a Buddha-incarnate tree. Tobimaro fell to his knees and sobbed.

"It's all so perfect!" he said, covering his face with his sleeve. "The design, the textures, the effortless assembly, all at a limited-time offer value scheme of color! The customizability, the mobility support, the protection....It's all so **wonderful!!! AHHHH!!!!!**" Such was his ecstatic joy that he had to scream it all out. He had no more words for the armor. It was just too beautiful. Ryuunosuke, meanwhile, was drawn aback with her eyes wide and mouth twitching as she watched the apparently mad boy roar from the far back of the ladies changing room.

_What the hell?_ She thought. _Is this guy some kind of freak or something? _Ryuunosuke began a slow retreat, inching herself away from the room where the frantic boy howled, and made her way to the main deck alone...

* * *

"Why is no one manning this place!?" Ryuunosuke loudly demanded. A few Dappya-men and a Mizunokoji technician were working a few of the lower-level consoles on the bridge, but that was it. No one was delegating. No one was in the captain's seat.

"Everyone else is in the infirmary, sir" the woman said with a salute.

"That's ma'am to you!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "I'm a damn chick!" The woman sat back down timidly. Ryuunosuke looked around and sighed in disappointment. She ran her hand through her bangs and flipped them up. "Man, this ain't very good organizing. Those guys'll be hearing this all the way to the sun and back if we don't get things in order. But I can't expect too much out of 'em. I mean, Tobimaro's not that much of a leader. He's okay, but he's too easily swept up in nonsense. Benten's gotta be our leader. This ship is from her people, so she should know how to fly it better than anyone else, but I know Mendo's gonna try and pull some political crap or hold his high and mighty status over me to get the captain's position. Gah, this sucks. My first time back on Earth and already I've gotta deal with the messes these guys make."

Ryuunosuke finished her complaints and sat in the captain's chair, feeling quite tall and enforcing in her heavy armor gear. She monitored the moving texts and read-outs, scanning through the glowing text, until she had read it all and gave a satisfied, relieved smile. "Alright" she said, "everything's going good. We're on course, engine output is optimal, gravitational break is imminent. Things are going great for once. Hopefully those guys can manage not to screw this up for too long."

"Ma'am" a Dappya called. Ryuunosuke looked down to the lower floor instantly, so giddy at being called ma'am for once. "We've got a message going through the ship. Shall I display it to all the crew, Dappya?"

"Where's the communication coming from?" Ryuunosuke asked.

"The infirmary" the woman said. "It may be young master Shutaro Mendo issuing some form of decree."

"Well it's his mission" Ryuunosuke said. "Alright, go ahead. Let the whole crew hear it." The woman nodded and worked her console to network the visible Shutaro's face on a projected image through the entire ship. Every room and from many monitors in the larger rooms, Mendo's face appeared struck with seriousness and ready to deliver an important message.

"Greetings, crew" Mendo began. "This is the honorable Shutaro Mendo speaking."

"Duh" Ryuunosuke said. She rolled her hand and leaned into her wrist against the solid arm of the hover chair. "Get on with it, stupid mouthy rich boy..."

"As of now" Shutaro began "I officially relinquish my position as captain proper." The entire crew gasped. Even though they had planned this announcement beside him, Lum and Ataru gasped as well. "It is my duty to see that all of the crew is returned safely to Earth in the event of a disaster at space. Therefore, as a captain, I would be ill-advised from leading a full-scale evacuation. In lieu of that information, I have changed my rank to that of the Commandant First-degree, meaning that I am the highest ranked civilian class crewman, and a representative of the entire crew. Should a catastrophe befall the Dappyamato, I will lead the evacuation of all but the captain's closest crew."

"So I'm captain now, eh?" Ataru said off camera with an irk of aggravation. Shutaro ignored him and continued staring ahead into the camera. He could tell that his crew was confused and worried, unsure about this new change, but really they weren't being emotional at all. It was an obvious move, for Mendo at least, to change his rank if it would mean going down with the ship.

"The new rank of captain," Shutaro continued "and all the other-worldly benefits that go with it, will be given to the next person able to make it to the captain's chair." Ryuunosuke's eyes went blank. The crew below her slumped down in their seats, weighed down by their guilt. They were a part of the plan all along to get someone into the chair. Ryuunosuke was just the unfortunate first to get to it. "It may seem like a grim thought now, but keep in mind the chances of the Dappyamato encountering anything that even scrapes the surface of the definition of 'disaster' are basically zero. Whoever gets there will have a free ride on the lap of luxury, a spacious bed and gourmet meals prepared from spices never before to touch an Earthly beings lips. Pleasures beyond our limited galactic understanding, all up for grabs, to the first person in the captain's chair...." His challenge was certainly inviting enough, and caused a wide-scale panic, but Ryuunosuke refused to be pleased. She gripped the arms of her chair so hard that he space-gloves creaked under the pressure of her grip.

"What a load...." she said. She suddenly shot up from her seat and started shouting at the one-way transmission. "Fukujn captains don't do **CRAP!** They just sit at a seat and shout things people already know! I've fought Fukujin captains before! They're fat, arrogant, noisy slobs who couldn't crank a valve if their hands were made of **DAMN WRENCHES!!!!**"

"Calm down, ma'am" the Mizunokoji woman called as Ryuunosuke breathed heavily. "You can just as easily give up the seat and let the next person come in to claim it! We can pretend we never saw you!"

"No way!" Ryuunosuke said, making a sudden sweep with her arm. "I'm no damn coward. Besides, it'd be better if I were captain anyway. We have a job to do. If Moroboshi or Shutaro got it they'd have the absolute authority to divert the ship's course and send it straight to Neptune or some other planet to hit on alien chicks. If Lum were captain we might get stuff done but then she'd start pandering to Ataru and give him too much power for his own good. Of course Benten's acting like a damn coward. If she got into the seat she'd try to deliver the ship back to the General we stole it from to stay out of trouble."

"Oh, would I?" Benten said.

* * *

Ryuunosuke turned around sharply in her armor and saw Benten leaning against the side of the chair. She forgot, however that it was a hover chair and pushed it away, causing her to lose her wall and fall straight to the floor. A bead of sweat formed on Ryuunosuke's head as she waited for Benten to regain her composure. She stood up, at last, and wiped her nose to relieve its pain. "You don't know me very well for a girl who claims to be my sister."

"Oh, yes I do" Ryuunosuke said, tensing her fists. Benten laughed down at Ryuunosuke with her head turned up and away, a very haughty and taunting laugh, then she grit her teeth and glared down with her combative smile glaring through Ryuunosuke's guard.

"You wouldn't admit this outright" Benten began "but you know that I'm the best for the job! You just want that cushy bed and all the delicious, free food you can eat! Well I'm not letting you spoil yourself rotten like a little richy, spoiled puke for a day just because you can get away with it! We're Fukujin warriors! We don't need fancy beds or perks to do our jobs!"

"Then why would you want it?" Ryuunosuke demanded as she rushed at Benten.

"Isn't it obvious!?" Benten shouted. She dashed forward with a shoulder-tackle and blasted apart Ryuunosuke's shoulder plates. Then she grabbed Ryuunosuke's exposed arm and flipped her over her head, back flat to the ground and armor shaken. "I'm just gonna **blow up the extra sun!!!**" Ryuunosuke shot her eyes open. She rolled onto her back and kicked her heavily armored legs in a windmill to get back up. She rushed in again, throwing her other arm armor off with a punch, then proceeded to deliver a quick flurry of brawling swings at the elusive, dodgy Benten.

"You moron!" Ryuunosuke shouted as she delivered a low knee-kick. Benten turned away from it and kicked Ryuunosuke's hip so hard the clasps of her armor came undone. "That'd kill people! An explosion of that caliber could even mess up the real sun!"

"So?" Benten asked. "This ain't the only planet human's have!" Benten punched. Ryuunosuke quickly activated her helmet which got dented beyond use and detached from the rest of her suit, saving her from a terribly powerful punch. Ryuunosuke couldn't tell but the skin-suit that Benten wore was manufactured from the same material, and in the same style, as the powersuit she had used before. It amplified her physical strength multiple times and protected her body from the pain of delivering such high-power blows. Benten went on the offensive and began dismantling Ryuunosuke's armor, blow by blow, latch by latch until she was stripped down of all her glorious armaments. Benten jumped back and prepared for a finishing blow when she saw it. Ryuunosuke wasn't ashamed or embarrassed or even the slightest bit reserved, for in the armory, inside each set or armor, was a matching set of **spandex shorts and sports bras!!!!!!!**

"Spandex....?" Benten awed. Ryuunosuke was proudly standing, her breasts unbound and held fast and firm by the thick and supportive bra around them, while her legs were as free as if they were naked but clad in the white and red colors of the Fukijin fighting tradition. She grinned and charged in with a roar and one fist wound tightly by her hip. "I didn't thin you'd wear spandex...." Benten was struck and defeated all at once by the mighty, floor-to-face uppercut that Ryuunosuke delivered with a growling scowl. Ryuunosuke landed from the lifting hop and got into her pose. Benten landed on her side and rolled to her back a moment later, unconscious. Ryuunosuke panted and moved to the seat, placing her booted foot on it and forcing its heavy, hovering metal frame to lean slightly forward.

_I guess I might as well just take it_ she thought. _Obviously, if Benten can't even take it by force, I'm the only one who can hold it down..._

"Uwaaahhh!" a Dappya crewman moaned. "Too much fighting. I need a place to sit!" He wandered by Ryuunosuke and tried to hop up onto the floating throne. Ryuunosuke denied it and moved it away swiftly, causing him to land straight on the ground while she looked down with her hands planted at her hips.

"No way" Ryuunosuke said. "We aren't having any of _that_ crap on _my _bridge." Already, she could feel the commanding power she held, and she held it with pride in her sports-bra covered chest.


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

An Episode of Drastic Conflict!

* * *

Ryuunosuke, a stern and strong beacon of command, sat at her command seat with a domineering gaze. She watched space pass by with its myriad of twinkling, bright lights and saw under the dark void the arrays and spanning sea of functional machines that lit up the floor. Everything was as orderly as it could be under the human Fukujinn's rule. She kept herself scantily clad in her spandex but wore plate-mail armor on her shoulders, on her legs and thick, metal boots. She stood up suddenly from her seat, drawing the eyes of the nearby technicians, among them Lum and Ataru. With a powerful swing of her arm Ryuunosuke aimed her spread fingers toward the stars and shouted her orders.

"Increase speed and correct trajectory!" she ordered. The lower floors lit up with activity. The Dappyas and humans worked perfectly together and recalibrated the output of the engines to increase their speed while maintaining the perfectly calculated trajectory for their objective, the mini-sun, in view a great distance away. The huge tinted window blocked out most of the bright, harmful sunlight without being totally opaque and showed the bright, flaring orbs that flickered their orange and red fires softly around the surface. Ryuunosuke aimed her arm down to her immediate technical commanders. "Keep a close eye on the engine output and start the shift change" she ordered in a closer-proximity voice. "We need a crew shift soon before someone slips up."

"We've only been going for six hours" a Mendo guardsman said. "It's nothing for guys like us."

"We're more used to working around the clock as well" a Mizunokoji girl said.

"I'm not willing" Ryuunosuke began "to let your performances as guards reflect your capabilities as technicians and engineers. A single flaw could be fatal to us all. Decompression could collapse any section of the ship if the heat gets through. We could have a meltdown, and fire, a misfire of the gravity-well cannon, all because you were too tired not to press a button. I'm not willing to run any risks on my ship."

"It's true, y'know" Ataru said, leaning over to mock them men in black shades. "You guys don't do a very good job keeping people off the estate."

"Well, we can get tricked just like anyone else..." a guard helplessly defended. Mendo glared at Ataru, leaving his eyes from the screen for just a second, then returning to continue his work.

"Mendo! Moroboshi!" Ryuunosuke called. Both boys shot up and saluted with straight, almost identical faces. "Take a break" she said, pointing her thumb over her shoulder. Ataru walked gleefully past her with a wink. She ignored it. Shutaro paced up to her in the utmost respect and caught her attention.

"May I speak freely, captain?" he asked.

"Sure, dude" Ryuunosuke carelessly replied, her arms crossed together. Despite rank she kept herself more loose and casual that Shutaro who she had just dismissed.

"With all due respect" he began "I think letting Ataru off on a break is an unwise idea. He's bound to cause some kind of incident, possibly one related to the mass of female crew members on board the ship..." His insinuation was picked up, but brushed off.

"Is that really something worth worrying about?" Ryuunosuke asked. Shutaro loosened up to the point of widening his eyes at her.

"Darling can be an idiot" Lum admitted, picking up on the conversation as she turned her chair around, "but, that's just how Darling is. I don't resent him for that at all."

"So you're over him flirting with girls?" Ryuunosuke asked. Lum whipped her head around and avoided eye contact.

"I never said that, did I?" Lum said plainly.

_Nice hide_ Shutaro thought with flat eyes.

"If it's that concerning to you" Ryuunosuke said, "go keep an eye on him. I'll keep you two on a pager in case I need some extra help, so stay calm but ready."

"Of course" Shutaro said. With a regal, respectful bow he turned and parted down the hill of steps. Once out of sight, he made a fast break after Ataru, proceeding in the first direction he thought the lech would go, right towards the women's quarters. "That fool has no idea! I have ingeniously deduced his entire thinking pattern! I know where he'll go, how fast he can get there and why! I just have to think like Ataru, think of nothing but girls, and I'll catch up to him in no time at all!!!" And while Mendo ran through the halls to the women's quarters, Ataru walked in the completely opposite direction towards the bow of the ship, rubbing his stomach.

_I'm hungry_ he thought. _I wonder what kind of food we get on a spaceship. Freeze dried? Instant-cook? Hopefully something with beef, though. I'm not going to tolerate a high-tech space-ship not being able to store and cook beef..._

Back on deck, with order held tightly in her strong fist, Ryuunosuke continued to call her commands and order the crew. The shift change took place, the seats were refilled by well-rested, enthusiastic and wide-awake technicians. Lum stayed on board with the upper-classmen leveled technicians and stretched out against her chair restlessly.

"Wanna go chase him?" Ryuunosuke asked. Lum spun her chair fully around and started twisting a strand of hair between her fingers nervously. Ryuunosuke stood up. "Ensign Lum Invader! You are dismissed for now. Go take a break." Lum stepped out of her chair and look at Ryuunosuke she winked and grinned at her. Lum clicked her heels and saluted, then flew off towards the mess hall, following the tug of her heart to find Ataru. Now with the ship fully manned with competent, strong-minded, adamant workers, Ryuunosuke sat back in her chair and watched the carefully sliding text to monitor what she could.

However, still sitting in the sick bay, a jealous force was stirring up trouble for the captain and her crew. Benten sat cross-legged on her bed, bandages still freshly wrapped around her, and huffed her chin in to her hand. Her other hand grabbed her bent knee and gripped it with rage. Then she formed a fist and punched the soft cushion of the bed. Her hand had drifted off her chin and was sifting through her hair, rubbing her skull, and suddenly she froze up with inspiration and shot to her feet a moment later.

_I'll show her what a true captain has to go through_ Benten schemed with a shaking fist of excitement. _That little runt is going to learn a thing or two about the chain or responsibility! Hehehe..._

"Miss!" a nurse called. "Miss, you shouldn't be standing! We anesthetized you a short time ago!" Too late. Benten's body went limp, pale, and fell to the floor with her butt poised up in the air. She groaned and drooled unconsciously while a small staff put her back into bed.

* * *

A while later Ataru and Lum left the mess hall together. What started as a hunt ended as a sudden luncheon together where Ataru had gorged a healthy portion of the stocked inter-dimensional beef on his own while Lum guzzled down two bottles of the spiciest legally salable hot sauce on board. The happy couple left smiling together, eyed down in disgust by the rest of the crew who watched them leave. It was mostly disbelief rather than disgust at how much food Ataru could seamlessly stuff away.

Mendo, meanwhile, had set up a small booth in the hallway of the women's quarters that read 'Flirt with a Prince' and offered free flirting from the illustrious Shutaro Mendo himself for no cost. Kissing was extra and so costly that no single girl in blue shades had gotten enough money on her own to afford a kiss on the lips. The most someone had gotten so far was on the hand and she was still on the floor swooning.

"Next" Mendo called. A flow of girlish squeals and excited tittering followed. One skeptical girl leaned out fro mthe line and watched the quiet exchange of words going on far down the curving hall, then turned around to her fellow crew woman.

"Why are we lined up for this?" she asked. "He's a perv, isn't he? Just a sophisticated version of Ataru Moroboshi?"

"Yeah" she replied "but that isn't the point."

"What is?" she asked.

"He's handsome" a girl in front of her said.

"That's all!?" the skeptic exclaimed. "What!?" Her exclamatory observation aside, the girl in line ran from the line to report for her duties elsewhere, a shining smile on her face and a vibrant glow of happiness glaring off her blue shades.

"Next?" Mendo politely called. More shrieking and girls giggling. He accepted the next caller and began his art of talking once more...

Meanwhile, where important things were happening, Ryuunosuke sat in her captain's seat with a visible lethargy. She was reclined far back and tapped the solid, metal arm of her chair impatiently, watching all green readings scroll and pan across her hovering, holographic screen. It was an endless loop reading off the system analysis in plain Japanese and Fukijin, both of which she understood, cycling through each section and subsection of the ship to report on the status of all the most important branches.

"Huh" Ryuunosuke grunted. Tobimaro spun his seat around in dramatic alertness. "The phonetics for 'ku' are nearly the same in Japanese and Fukujin. I never noticed that before..." Tobimaro stayed frozen, his fiery gaze locked on her for a moment longer, and when she turned her eyes to look at him he turned back around with a heavy air of defeat.

_Why couldn't I notice sooner!?_ He thought with a scream. _Damn me! I'm so slow!!!_

Suddenly there was a blaring stream of red text accompanied by a beeping alarm. Ryuunosuke shot back up to her straight-backed position and read the report. 'Hold damage detected: Minor'. Ryuunosuke frowned at the blasé readout and sat back again, looking away.

_I wish we were at war_ she thought. _I could be a figher pilot..._ Suddenly a more distinct an frequent beeping, along with a brighter-shining red, came across the holographic field. 'Hull Compromise Detected' it read, flashing over and over, the alarmist beeping changing to a klaxon blare. Ryuunosuke pounded the arms of her chair and stood to her fullest height.

"Where's the damage!?" she demanded.

"Port side" a technician on the elevated level called. "It seems the Mendo Super Metal plates have come loose and are hanging off the side."

"What?" Ryuunosuke said. "Show me a visual. Get a visual!" The huge window in front of her, and her crew, was replaced by a camera feed that showed a large section of the Super Metal plating peeling away from the ship like the rind from an orange. It was still flat, but it was disconnected from its main plate locks, meaning it could be thrown into space and off the ship's collective super-hull at any given moment, leaving the small patch of the ship exposed to the sun's extreme heat. Ryuunosuke didn't want to chance anything, that was the creedo she was governing by, and so far everything was working perfectly. She wouldn't pass up any opportunity to prove herself, so she issued her commands as captain.

"Get Moroboshi and Mendo out there to repair it now!" she shouted.

"Captain!" Tobimaro called. "Send me out as well!"

"You stay where you are and monitor them" she commanded.

"Okay" Tobimaro said casually, placing a headset over his ears. "I'll establish a link with them as soon as they come online and guide them through the reattachment process..." Tobimaro opened the manual for the securing of the hull in just such the event as was unfolding. A short section showed up on his console screen in detailed translated Japanese explaining the exact process for attaching the plates piece by piece. "Oh, I didn't know this was here?" Ryuunosuke turned away, dodging the obvious 'Then how'd you open it?' quip and made a well-preserved march down the stairs.

"Get Lum in the seat" she called over her shoulder, her final order of business. "I need to talk to our resident professional about this problem!"

"Yes, captain!" the crew shouted. Three more technicians brought microphones up to their mouths and made the ship-wide page.

"Ataru Moroboshi and Shutaro Mendo, report to the port airlock chamber for suiting." Ataru and Mendo looked up at the same time, in different places, and began a sudden rush off.

"I apologize" Mendo called to the still long of ladies, of which the skeptic girl had finally reached the front of with enough money for a lip kiss. "I swear to you all that I shall make up for this, but I am needed elsewhere!" Mendo dashed off, leaving the girls bidding farewell and the expectant one with pursed lips leaning carefully and daintily at the empty air.

"Go Darling!" Lum said, pushing Ataru along. "You know where the airlock chamber is, right?"

"Airlock chamber?" Ataru said in shock. "I don't even know where port is!" Lum gave him a final push to send him off and he went running. "I'll do my best!" he called.

"Good luck!" Lum called. "I love you!" Ataru just gave her a stern wave and rounded a corner. Lum began floating for the nearest hall that led to the bridge when she saw Ryuunosuke waiting for an elevator to arrive. "Captain!" Lum called. She floated over in a hurry and stopped Ryuunosuke from boarding the elevator just as it had arrived. "Ryuunosuke, what's going on? Is there trouble?"

"There's some hull damage" she explained "that needs some manual repair. Don't worry about Ataru, though. You said he proved himself capable, so I believe in him." Ryuunosuke boarded the elevator and ordered it to descend for the sick bay immediately.

"Lum Invader, report to take captain's duties" the technician paged. Lum shut her eyes, fighting off tears, and flew at full speed for the bridge.

* * *

"Now then" Mendo said, eying over the thick space-walk suit he was to wear. He made it to the airlock hangar first, as was expected of Ataru to be late. The room was huge enough to fit a small squad of fighter ships, at least, and had an expansive wall of identical space suits floating over gravity pads. It was hugely puffy to the point where it was a nearly perfectly round object with padded gloves, huge, thick feet and a normal head-sized helmet. It was colored standard, just like most of the things on the ship, solid white with red triangular marks around the wrists, distending from the neck and padding each elbow and knee. "How in the world would one move in such a thing...?" He took his finger and thumb and gently stroked along his chin while he thought.

Ataru, meanwhile, fell from an airduct and landed on his back, breathing hard and falling out to his full length. Mendo was stunned and disgusted, to say the least of his expressions. His bangs even fell a strand out of place as he stared at Ataru on the ground. "Ow" Ataru finally groaned. He sat up and rubbed his head. "Man, I've gotta come up with better ideas for this in the future." Ataru stood up and brushed himself off. He looked over at Mendo who was holding up a pointing, shaking finger to him. ".......what?" Ataru finally asked passively.

"How did you-" Mendo began frantically. He stopped, paused, and recollected all his charisma with a quick sweep of his hand over his hair and a pull of his collar. He cleared his throat and looked over the overtly bulky suit once more while Ataru joined him. "It seems we need to put these on." Mendo explained.

"I see that" Ataru replied. "How?"

"I'm not entirely sure" Mendo admitted. A passing Dappya-mechanic looked up at the troubled boys and rushed to their aid.

"'Scuse me, Dappya!" he called. Ataru and Mendo turned to the little fish-man and gave him their attention. "Sorry to interupt, Dappya, but I think you can crawl in through the back. Just give it a nudge and turn it around." Mendo blinked with confusion. Ataru acted by pushing the side of the suit and spinning it around with his gentle force. There was indeed an explosed hole in the back of the heavily padded suit through which he could climb, so he got in and look around.

"I can't even reach the helmet" Ataru said.

"Jump into it, Dappya!" the mechanic called.

"Are you certain about this?" Mendo asked in a low tone.

"Pal, I'm a professional" the Dappya began, turning modestly away. "I've worked on hundreds of ships, all of them bringing my eager people to the farthest reaches of the galaxy, looking for work and new places to live, and I've maintained the preservative functions of thousands of suits. I'm what you'd call a veteran repairman, and if there's a space-walk regulated suit out there that I can't handle, well pal, I haven't seen it yet. Dappya." Mendo took his words with the wise solace he spoke from and nodded. Still, seeing Ataru's head stuck in the helmet while he hung onto the edges of the open side to keep his head from detaching, and hearing his shouts of struggle, Mendo couldn't help but feel diheartened.

"Mind if I ask you a few questions?" Mendo said. The end result of Ataru's vain struggle was outside help.

"Hey!" Ataru shouted as they zipped him into the suit. He moved his arms and legs into the corresponding holes as they came up and felt the weight lift from his neck. Now his whole body was encased in a thick, immobile shell. "Hey! How'm I supposed to move in this thing!?"

"You gotta release the storage lock" the mechanic shouted. He walked over, made sure the suit was tightly zipped and secured, then spun it around and leaped up to press a button on the center of the chest. The suit rumbled a bit and instantly compressed into a form-fitting, sleek, air-tight, super-dense, light as air layer of white and red. The only thing that remained the same was the helmet which fit Ataru's head nicely. He had ample room in it to breathe and move around, and the filtration system for his storage tanks of oxygen was working flawlessly.

"This is great!" Ataru said, looking over his sleek, form-fitted frame. "I look like some superhero on TV!" Mendo's suit compressed next and he hopped down to the floor from the gravity pad. Ataru stayed floating, now trapped by his inability to move out of the swell of anti-gravity.

"Take us to the airlock, sir" Mendo spoke to the mechanic.

"Daaaappya" he said. Ataru was swimming now against the air but was still locked in the gravity field.

"Hey! Help!" he called. "I'm in on this too, you know!"

Ataru and Mendo, at length, were ushered to a large, round metallic door that was unlocked with the loud hiss and clampings of thick, heavy space-metal bolts and mechanics. They walked inside, Mendo with his hands folded behind his back and Ataru with his hands netted at the back of his head, and the door was closed. The Dappya mechanic gave them a quick thumb-fin up and vacuumed the lock out of air. It was an instant, sharp hiss followed by a dulling of all other sound. The former heavy thuds of bolts and intricate gears moving was reduced to a distant and drowned thudding within the walls. Mendo exited, uninhibited by gravity, and grabbed the handles of the opened vault door that led into infinite space. Ataru carefully kept his balance and walked out, nearly getting trapped in the same anti-gravitational pull of freedom and unrestraint that had him caught just moments before. He clamped his hands onto a slender handle in the door and pulled himself to contact the solid metal for dear life.

"Moroboshi" Mendo called over a two-way helmet radio. "Can you hear me? Respond verbally, over." Ataru was too busy trying not to get thrown out into space to follow an exact procedure and let his volume go beyond a safe threshold.

"Hey! Why can't we just walk on the surface of the stupid ship, huh? Don't we have magnets in our suits!?" Mendo jarred away when Ataru started talking. The concept of having such a voice in his head was already getting him angry, but he withheld it and focues instead on their mission.

"Please say over when you're done" Mendo said. "Over."

"Fine" Ataru replied. "Over. Anyway, what-"

"You fool!" Mendo shouted. "You already said 'over', you half-wit, that means you're done speaking! You can't say 'over' and then prattle on-"

"Maaan" Ataru began, "this is pretty freaky, isn't it Mendo?" Mendo had frozen in defeat, hunched over himself, fighting off the silent urges to start banging his head against the hull of the ship in frustration. "Anyway, did you ever learn about doing this stuff when you studied your ship manuals? Over." Mendo recovered and looked over at him.

"I was in charge of the project to fit the Mendo Super Metal panels to the hull of the ship" Mendo said. "I know everything that the engineers and welders who placed them together know. Naturally, I can recall that information for just such an emergency. Over."

"'S that so?" Ataru said. "Well, I guess you can be pretty dependable when you wanna be, eh Mendo? Over." Mendo started seething and shaking his fist with rage. He nearly lurched forward to grab him when a new transmission from inside the ship stopped him in his tracks.

"Shu-chan? Ataru? Do you copy, over?" Tobimaro's voice came in loud and clear, just loud enough and clear enough to suit Mendo's expectations of professionalism.

"We read you" Mendo said. "What is our mission status, over?"

"Can we activate our magnet boots yet, over?" Ataru asked.

"Idiot!" Shutaro shouted. "If we had the boots the mechanic would've said something! Can't you go a few minutes straight without-" Suddenly they were pulled by their feet onto the metal edge of the ship. Apparently their boots were time-activated and stayed on as long as the battery was charged. That's what the suddenly active HUD read out, and that's what Ataru grinned to and Shutaro suffered to. ".........Over" he finished, ending his transmission with his voice on the border of sobs.

* * *

Ryuunosuke arrived on the sick bay floor and proceeded to march through the wing. Her metal boots slammed against the hard, steel floor with each step she strode. The staff moved away from her as she walked, making a clean parted floor for her to march over without encountering any unwant resistance. The anger in her eyes told the nurses well what duties lied ahead for them. They hurried to prepare an emergency bone-setting and full-body casting for Benten. Ryuunosuke entered the wing where only Benten was kept and the rest of the doctors fled. Benten, still mildly tired from her drugs, looked up from her bed and grinned.

"Yo" she greeted. "How's it going, captain?"

"Something went wrong" Ryuunosuke said "but I'm taking care of it."

"Great" Benten said, looking away. "I'm sure you are..."

"Hey" Ryuunosuke said, "look at me." Benten didn't move. She kept her eyes averted to the wall, avoiding direct attention as much as possible. "That's an order now. Look at me." Ryuunosuke repeated. Benten turned around and looked at her with half-open eyes. "What's wrong with you? I know this isn't how you'd act if _you_ were in charge."

"Well I'm not, am I?" Benten asked. "That's all your job now."

"I can't believe this" Ryuunosuke said, turning away with a sneer. "You're jealous of me? Are you kidding?"

"Jealous?" Benten said. "Hey, hey. Whoever said I was jealous of you? So you get to sit in the bigger chair. What does that mean to me?"

"Obviously a lot" Ryuunosuke said. She made the motion to leave, but Benten fought against her sleepy dreariness to get her to stay.

"Hold on!" Benten called. "Where're you even going? You know you aren't done talking to me! You aren't done 'talking' until you've planted your elbow into someone's face!" Ryuunosuke stopped and glared over her shoulder. Benten smirked at her victory of stealing away her attention for good. "That's better. Those are the eyes of the Ryuunosuke I know and fought for." Ryuunosuke turned full around while Benten grabbed the metal rail of her bed and stood up on weak, shivering legs. "Do you know how pissed off I was when I realized what you did!?"

"What did I do?" Ryuunosuke asked. "I was just helping out _your_ friend. Are you saying if you had answered Lum's call the Earth wouldn't have a space ship to use at all!?"

"Not one like this" Benten said. "This is too outstanding! The only reason I haven't abandoned ship in my cruiser yet is because we haven't been shot at by any pursuing Fukijin warships yet. This is a crime!"

"That's pretty two-faced of you" Ryuunosuke said. "Talking about crimes when you fight and steal and run amok just as much as any other gang of villainous bikers in the galaxy. You blow crap up without any reason half the time."

"Not crap that belongs to anyone" Benten said. "Besides, who was the girl that insisted on trying to take over a space colony to show off to the men of her immediate clan family?"

"I was humoring them" Ryuunosuke argued. "What would I do with an entire space colony? You think I'm that uncontrolled that I can't stop myself from making a bad decision?"

"I think you're scared!" Benten shouted. "Just because your family is a failure you think you're automatically going to be a failure too!"

"Don't you drag my ****ing family into this!" Ryuunosuke roared. "Leaving Earth was the best thing that happened to me in recent years, Benten. Getting to be treated like a woman, and be called a sister and be admired for my strength and femininity...that was the best..." Ryuunosuke stopped shouting and lowered her head to hide her pooling tears. "Somehow you always found a way around all that. You ignored me being glad just to wear something that wasn't originally a guy's uniform and tried to outdo me all the time. I got sick of it! I can't believe that you still can't accept me having something over you."

Benten fell silent. Her heart had been pieced heavily by Ryuunosuke's words, because she was right. Benten had been fighting against her all this time because she felt inferior. She was used to being the leader, or at least the protagonist of the majority of events in her life. She was never used to being an underling. She hadn't considered herself to be Lum's underling in school because she was the instegator of more events than Lum ever undertook with her. She was an independent, a soloist. Now that she had a sister to look after she forgot her place in her clan. The Big Sisters always have the responsibility to make great warriors and women out of their younger sisters. Benten never understood that, being a self-made woman and warrior, but now that she saw a struggling hopeful Fukijin warrior, she made her decision with an adamant pride.

"Ryu" Benten began, "......." Unfortunately, the years of masculine lifestyle prevented her from forming the words 'I'm sorry' without first biting her lip to moisten her mouth. Ryuunosuke rubbed her eyes and brushed away her tears, no longer frustrated to the point of crying. "I'm sorry. I'll try better from now on..." Benten finally said. Ryuunosuke stared at her with her mouth agape for a moment. Benten was still shied away, half in her embarrassment and half in her inability to stay conscious for long. Ryuunosuke stepped forward and grabbed her on the shoulder, forcing her eyes back up.

"Thanks, Sis" Ryuunosuke said. They stood there for a while, staring into each others eyes, communicating their appreciation the only way warriors could: with silent reserve.

* * *

"So" Benten said, walking with Ryuunosuke down the hall after her anesthesia had worn off, "you're not upset with me sabotaging the ship?"

"Nah" Ryuunosuke said. "On the plus side, you got Ataru and Mendo out for a while."

"You bitch" Benten coyly sneered. "Sending those boys out on a space-walk errand? I didn't know you could be so mean!"

"I'm a warrior!" Ryuunosuke said with a tight fist clenched near her chest. "I'll do whatever I can to deliver my own brand of justice wherever I can!" They shared a hearty, boisterous laugh as they made their way back to the bridge. The screens were lit up brightly with the intensity of celebration. Lum stood in the captain's chair in the middle of a cacophony of cheer while the images of Ataru and Shutaro showed outside on the camera feed, both of them standing heroically with the insanely huge panel of metal flawlessly repaired.

"She did it!" the crew cheered. "Captain Lum averted a catastrophic tragedy!"

"Way to go, Captain!" Tobimaro said, turning in his seat with his eyes afire. Lum just smiled and waved in her seat. Ryuunosuke and Benten's faces fell flat, and they sank out of the room in defeat. Obviously they weren't needed regardless of their class or qualifications. Lum outshone them in every way right now...


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

An Episode of Daring Courage!

* * *

"We are approaching the damage, over" Shutaro said.

"Good" Tobimaro relayed. "Continue and report back when you reach the edge of the panel. Over." Ataru and Shutaro, using a light magnetic current calibrated through their helmet, floated across the surface of the hull in outer space. The gigantic ship's exterior, extra hull seemed to go on rolling over itself in the distance for an eternally long time. Ataru spun around and kicked to keep his speed up while looking off into space. It captivated him and constantly drew his attention away. Somehow he had let the mystical beauty of space pass him by all this time and never noticed just how much he had missed in watching it all right now.

"Moroboshi!" Mendo shouted. Ataru spun back around and turned to him.

"You need to say over, remember? Over." Ataru said.

"Pay attention" Shutaro chided. "Any mistake could cost us valuable time and I won't have us reporting any incidental incidents to the world-wide media when we return to Earth! Over!" Ataru huffed and kicked himself forward to catch up to Mendo.

"You don't have to be so damn angry" Ataru said. "....over." The two finally neared the main source of damage. A huge piece of the hull, wide as a parking lot and thick as two stories, was wrenched from most of its supports. It was slowly groaning in the silence of space and breaking away from the rest of the main structure. Shutaro and Ataru hit their feet to the surface and readjusted their magnetic gravity-center alignment mechanisms, drawing quick motions in the air that the suit registered as movement on the digital HUD screen. Shutaro looked up at the panel then around at the multitude of thick locks and pillars that held it into place before. Most of the sockets for the locks were empty holes and the pillars and bolts were all drawn into their gear-operated mechanisms.

"Seems simple enough" Shutaro said. Ataru jerked his head in his direction.

"Really?" Ataru asked.

"We're in space," Shutaro pointed out, "so obviously weight is of little concern to us. Mass and volume, possibly, but weight is a force of gravity. This single panel of metal weighs well into the tons of kilograms. It is exceedingly heavy, even for the most sophisticated machinery to lift. However, now that there is no gravity, there is no problem. All we have to do is move it back in place and reengage the locks."

".........Ok" Ataru said after a lengthy pause. "Now, how do we do that?"

"...what?" Shutaro asked after a moment of hesitance.

"Securing it" Ataru asked. "How do we do that?"

"Oh" Shutaro said. "Ah, that's simple." He knelt down and opened a panel with a twist of a lock and a forceful tug. Inside the opened panel door was a small switch and several buttons. "We just need to input the proper locking code for each panel and switch the connectors on with but a flip of this lever." Ataru bent down and looked the things Mendo was talking about over quickly. Ataru bent over his knees and leaned in to flip the switch. It did nothing.

"It's broken" Ataru said. Mendo shoved him away by his helmet. Ataru flipped through space and stomped his feet down onto the metal floor. "What was that for!?"

"Do you ever listen properly!?" Mendo roared.

"Do I?" Ataru asked.

"Each panel requires a code" Mendo said. "That's the only way to release the technological locks on the actual locks in each panel. It's very simple."

"So what's the code?" Ataru asked. "How many numbers?"

"Five for each" Mendo said, holding up all five fingers for him.

"That's ridiculous!" Ataru exclaimed. "How're we supposed to finish this in time!?"

"Hmph" Shutaro scoffed, closing the panel lid and locking it back up. "You underestimate my prowess for thinking ahead. You see, each code for each panel can be accessed and entered from the bridge. With all the technicians working on all the codes at once, all we have to do is operate the mechanical side by flipping the switches one at a time."

"That's still ridiculous!" Ataru shouted in outrage.

"Well then don't worry" Shutaro said coyly. "You won't be in charge of flipping all the switches, I will. All you have to do is move the panel back in place."

"Alright" Ataru said. "How do I do that? Is there a space-crane or something I can use? Can I get some rope?" Shutaro was glaring at Ataru, glaring with a scheming, smirking face, but through the opacity of his helmet Ataru couldn't feel it. He just felt a sudden chill run down his spine that he related to being in a frozen vacuum environment, brushing it off with an over-shoulder back scratch.

_Oh, you foolish foolhearty fool._ Mendo thought. _You've no idea the anxiety I'm about to put you through, do you? Of course not, because you're a FOOL!!!_ "GAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!" Mendo laughed aloud. Ataru flinched away quickly and cringed in an unknown horror at Mendo's excitement.

* * *

Up on the bridge, Lum had arrived and took central command, flying into the chair and observing the scrolling text of warning. She was barely seated in the captain's chair when she was shocked into standing up. She was watching the huge display from the external camera feed, and saw only a charismatic figure standing on the precipice of the uplifted panel looking around and flashing a thumbs-up to the camera for the crew to see.

"Darling?" Lum called. She knew, almost instantly, that it wasn't him. He was far to uncomposed to be so charismatic-looking. "Where'd he go?"

"Ah!" Tobimaro exclaimed, turning in his seat. "You're here, Lum?"

"Of course I am" Lum said. She floated over to his station immediately. "Where's Darling? Did he make it out okay?" Tobimaro pressed a few buttons and the camera feed began to move. The camera itself was small and connected to the ship via a thick, twisting batch of malleable cables holding inside the motors and moving metal coils that moved the feed around by a snaking cord. The camera closed in as Shutaro called on his short-range frequency to Ataru, who was down against the bare hull of the Fukijin ship, the massive chunk of metal ominously floating overhead. He was shock still with fear.

"Are you in place, Moroboshi?" Mendo asked. "Over."

"Ah....." Ataru grunted. He squawked with an ambiguous squeak of fear.

"Good" Mendo said. "Engage! Over."

"....screw that" Ataru said. He crossed his arms in defiance and nervously cast his rigid grin and wide ,worrying eyes down to the exposed, smooth metal hull of the Fukujin ship that rested under the amazingly thick Mendo Metal exterior. It was a great task to ascend, he figured, which was undoubtedly his greatest worry.

"Moroboshi!" Mendo shouted. "Come on! The sooner we get this done the sooner we can go back inside! Engage magnetic pull, over!"

"No way!" Ataru roared. "Don't you think this plan is a little dangerous and stupid!?"

"What are you talking about?" Mendo asked. "I'm sure we'll be perfectly fine. Over."

"Screw this!" Ataru roared. "I'm not going along with a plan that came from you. I'll get killed! That's usually the whole point of it...over."

"Shutaro?" Lum called. Thanks to Tobimaro's thoughtlessness in leaving the line open, the short-range radio transmissions had been intercepted and transferred to a longer-range frequency automatically. "What plan?" Mendo's face had frozen in a handsome, arrogant smile. His eyes slowly widened in fear and his mouth folded his lips in on themselves. He turned to the camera, his opaque helmet hiding his shock and terror, and surrendered to the transmitted image of Lum and Tobimaro taken from his console on deck. Lum looked suspiciously curious, and with good reason.

"Apparently" Tobimaro began, "Shu-chan's plan was to have Ataru stand underneath the disconnected metal panel and increase the magnetic frequency in his boots to the point where the metal in the hull got pulled down into place. Ataru, meanwhile, just had to stand down there, one leg down and the other one up, while he used his reserves of oxygen to make a visible connection of gas particles to be electromagnetically charged so the panel could be pulled down.....and that's it. I don't think they discussed any kind of escape for this tactic....Captain?" Tobimaro looked over and saw Lum's fangs out. Her eyebrow was twitching as well. Shutaro's face was white. He knew he was in trouble.

"Shutaro" Lum said her nagging voice. "You weren't planning on doing anything to endanger my Darling, were you?"

"Of course not!" Mendo exclaimed in astonished anger. "How you could even begin to accuse me of such things is beyond me! I can't believe it! I...shan't!" Ever determined to keep his ultimate essence of composure, Shutaro posed and pulled a plastic flower from some pocket of unknown space, holding it up to his helmet to fake even more charisma. "Miss Lum, in my life, have I ever assaulted Ataru Moroboshi in such a manner as to end his life?" He was met with her eyes blank and staring in disbelief. Ataru's face joined the video screens on Mendo's HUD.

"You tried to kill me this morning" he said.

"That didn't count" Mendo said, tossing the flower away.

"There has to be an easier way to do this" Lum said. "Figure it out. I'm not going to tolerate my Darling's life being risked for something as small as a chance at fixing a minor problem."

"But, Miss Lum" Mendo began.

"I agree with her" Ataru said. "I'm coming up right now, you got that? Er, Over." Ataru began marching across the metal siding, a fair distance from the sheer wall of metal and mechanical holes he jumped down earlier. All was well enough for now. Lum arranged for an excavation vehicle be used to do the job instead while Shutaro was to remain outside to flip all the manual switches. Shutaro was worrisome over the conditions of his possible treason and Ataru calmly fumed for a moment before being swallowed by other thoughts.

_I hope Lum didn't read too much into me agreeing with her_ he thought. _I mean, I do, but she tends to exaggerate my approval and go overboard with stuff, like agreeing to sleep in the same bed leading to her arranging a wedding ceremony....and then, of course, I can't get to sleep. Man, that reminds me....where am I supposed to sleep when I'm done today?_ All was going well, totally complacence resonated through the universe.

Then fate punched Ataru in the gut. With iron knuckles on. A piece of drifting debris, a tiny fragment of a passing comet from some time ago, flew through space and impacted on the side of the panel. Momentum took over and force beget action. The panel began, very slowly, to move downward, a pressing clamp heading Ataru's way. Once he reached the edge of the wall he set his gravity boots against the vertical wall. He only noticed the impeding shadow of the panel as he stood horizontal on the wall, looking up at the decreasing line of stars in the sky.

"........huh" he grunted. "That's weird...."

* * *

"Captain!" a technician shouted. "Unexpected space-debris shower!"

"What!?" Lum shouted, flying up to look down at the lower station directly. "Why wasn't there any warning?"

"....because it's unexpected" the technician said.

"Something else is happening!" Tobimaro shouted, calling Lum's attention back to his console. "Apparently some debris hit the panel and it's falling."

"What?" she said. "Where's Darling?"

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Ataru screeched through the radio. He was sprinting at full speed up the side of the wall while the heavy metal panel fell down from above like an armored hand moving to squash a cornered, unfortunate cockroach. "Help! Stop it! HELP!!! OVER!!!"

"Darling!" Lum shouted in distress. "Darling, run! Run!" Mendo rushed to the side and saw the huge metal panel come sinking down. He also heard the dull metallic taps of tiny debris start to shower the surface of the super-dense metal. The tiny rocks and dusty balls either shattered into wisps of fragmented dust or simply bounced off. Mendo looked up and saw the hits coming against the super-hard protective visor of his helmet. He doubted, however, that the bigger rocks incoming would simply be broken away. He increased the magnetic power of his boots and crouched down low, his simulated gravity as close to an Earthly level as he could recall.

"This is bad" Mendo said. He started to leap and dodge away from the larger impacts, warned by the proximity-triggered radar of his HUD, leaping about with all his weight being pushed and moved through the motions of his legs and feet. "Miss Lum, any possible suggestions, over?"

"Save Darling!" she frantically demanded. "I don't think he's climbing up fast enough!"

"Shu-chan" Tobimaro began, "you should have a beam sword somewhere on you. It's part of the uniform. Use it to defend yourself while helping Ataru."

"Why do space-walk suits come equipped with beam swords?" Mendo asked.

"This is a Fukujin ship, Shutaro" Lum said in demanding explanation. "They're always prepared for anything at all in terms of war." Shutaro reached to his hip and pulled out a thin, metallic object no longer than a sword handle, perfectly sleek with a notch at one end. He gripped it hard. Something flashed too quick in his HUD to read and the sword blasted on, its shining blue blade even and ending in a pointed tip. Mendo marveled at the blade for a moment, looking up at the expansive space, then began deflecting the increasingly larger debris with the burning laser blade. The rocks shattered on contact or split apart and flew past him and into the metal.

"Ah, now this is reminiscent" Mendo said. He started getting flashy, side-stepping the bigger rocks and slashing them as they came up from bouncing off the super-dense, impermeable metal hull. He swayed and slashed over his head, spinning his sword by the handle, leaving thick streaks of crackling blue light in space as he swung. "Haha! Naturally I'd be good at this! All of these rocks look like Moroboshi to me! Ahahaha!"

"Darling, are you okay?" Lum asked.

"UAAAAAHHH!!!!" Ataru screamed. "I'm not gonna make it! I'm not gonna make it!" Ataru continued running at full speed straight up the width of the hull panel, running around the huge holes where the bolts and locks were stored, hopping over the creases and small maintenance holes made in the highly-sophisticated structure's side. "I'mnotgonnamakeitI'mnotgonnamakeit! Tell my mother she was right!!!"

"About what?" Tobimaro asked. "Over."

"I never _did_ look for colleges!!!" Ataru howled in distress.

"Darling, don't give up!" Lum commanded. "I believe in you! Just run as fast as you can! You can make it! I believe in you! I love you! RUN!!!"

"Is that supposed to encourage me!?" Ataru shouted. Lum was suddenly stricken with paralytic grief and shock. She didn't ever imagine, in his possible final moments of struggle, that Ataru would seriously say something that scathing and cruel to her. She shrank away from the screen and stumbled into her captain's throne.

"The port side of the hull is getting hit by the debris" a woman technician reported "but there is currently no contact from the starboard side."

"Our engines are burning at full capacity" a male reported. "Extra power for auxiliary boosters is at full strength."

"We're twelve minutes til clear of the storm" a Dappya reported. "Estimating speed of panel-security to be three minutes. Panel will be closed to the surface of the ship's inner hull in approximately fifty seconds. Dappya."

"Captain" Tobimaro called, "we need orders..." Lum was doubled over herself with anguish. She couldn't see past the blur of tars that streamed down her cheeks. Her nails clawed uselessly at the metal arms of her chair. She looked up with a stern, aggressive determination on her face and shot up to her feet. With a throw of her open hand she initiated her commands.

"Rotate the ship in a clockwise motion at once!" she called. The consoles were worked with blindingly fast fingers as her orders were implemented seconds after she delivered them. She darted through the air over to Tobimaro and linked herself to Mendo's radio. "Shutaro, listen, Darling can handle himself. You need to be ready to secure the main lock immediately. You can't afford to waste a second. If that panel touches down with the force it's carrying right now it will bounce back up and stay out of alignment. You'll have roughly a few seconds to hit the switch."

"Understood, captain" Shutaro replied. "I'm staying near the first manual switch as we speak. Over."

"Tobimaro" Lum said, pulling away the headset she used, "input the code for the lock now."

"Already did, captain" Tobimaro said. "The lock is ready to engage manual switch. Shu-chan. Await the signal from me. Over."

"Understood" Mendo replied. "Over." Tobimaro pulled his headset away as well and looked up to Lum, who had placed her headset fully on the holder on the side of his console. "What about Ataru? Shouldn't we check on him, or at least give him some extraneous-situational orders? Hmm?" Tobimaro saw Lum biting her lip and hiding her eyes in her bangs. She was cradling her arms and shook slightly from the deeply withheld sobs. She parted her teeth from her reddened lower lip and turned away.

"It doesn't matter anymore" Lum shakily stated. "We have a mission....that's more important...." Tobimaro's eyes sparkled with insight. He saw straight past the coldness and into the burning fury and worry in her heart. He understood her pain, and how unbearable it was for her....

* * *

"Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap-crapitty DAMN!!!" Ataru shouted in a breathless string of cursing. He could see it now. Even if he made it to the edge, even if he could manage to get past the quickly-closing gap, he couldn't for the life of him see himself living through it. He had planned out countless scenarios already, using the highly-toned part of his brain usually reserved for processing spontaneous girl-hunting ventures or dates with his prize catches out of thin air. In the best scenario he would deactivate his magnetic boots and make a flying leap through the gap as it closed, by he would be going so fast that he would drift too far away from the ship to recover. In the end he would exhaust all of his oxygen through the emergency jets on his back to get back to the ship's hull. Before he could recover properly in the sick bay he would suffocate and die.....what a way to go.

Every other thought ended in him split in half or completely squished and broken. _This can't be happening. Dammit, this can't be happening! This is ridiculous! This whole damn thing is ridiculous! AAAAHHH!!! What can I do!? I'm supposed to be the golden survival-man of the __cosmos, able to withstand megaton-explosions worth of Zakks from Lum in a single sitting! I've taken enough damage and abuse to kill at least twenty lesser men! I can't believe it's going to end this way! DAMN!!!_

"Moroboshi!" Mendo called. "Listen to me carefully! Over!"

"What!?" Ataru shouted, unable to care about the semantics of proper conversation at this point.

"How close are you to the top of the hull ledge?" he asked.

"Not very" Ataur said. "I can't tell!" he panicked. "Ahh, it's all close and far away at the same time!"

"Jump up and tell me," Mendo began, "based on how many sockets you see, how far away you are!" Ataru obeyed without a single thought. He saw two full lock holes before him, far apart from each other.

"Two!" Ataru answered.

"Cease ascension at once!" Mendo commanded. "You can't make it, trust me! You'll just end up forcing yourself to go backwards in the end!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!???" Ataru screamed.

"**THAT HURT!!!!" **Mendo roared back, crackling loud static with his volume. Ataru stopped. "I am **not** willing to leave any casualties on this mission, especially not a national hero, now pay attention so I can **save you, FOOL!!!**"

_Save me or insult me_ Ataru thought with a skeptic glare. _Always so indecisive, Shu-chan..._

"Enter the nearest lock you can get to right now" Mendo commanded. "It doesn't matter if it's behind you or not."

"Okay" Ataru said. He complied and made a sprint along the wall sideways in stead of straight up. He made at least a ten-meter dash across the super-dense metal and jumped into the hole, lightening his gravity and landing softly on a drawn-in metal piston made from a lighter, thinner metal than the super-metal around it. "Alright, now what?"

"You've bought yourself some time" Mendo said. "Look for a hatch. These panels were built under the speculation that they would need mechanical repair. As emergency measures, and to prevent expensive deconstruction costs, all the panels are installed with service tunnels that lead to the top side. Find the hatch and get in and crawl along the guiding arrows as fast as you can!"

"Alright" Ataru confirmed. "Over and out!" Ataru disconnected his radio. It saved him energy. Now his suit was dedicated to helping him find the hatch while operating with minimal energy. Ataru looked around, his sight guided by a bright, head-positioned flashlight, and he found the hatch, just wide enough to open and crawl into. It closed behind him automatically, and his fate was left to his direction.

Mendo, as he had been delivering his instructions and even as Ataru worked to save himself from his previously grueling fate, continued fighting off larger and larger chunks of space debris. He was dodging and counter-cutting more than he was simply deflecting. The rocks were easily as large as he was now, and although his suit was heavily padded from the condensing of its previous form, the speed and power of each rock was too great for him to try and fight against. Still, he only moved minimally, and kept all the rocks, regardless of size, from hitting the manual control for the main lock.

Mendo found a break in the debris storm, looking overhead to see that it was drifting away to the bottom side of the ship. What he didn't realize or notice or feel at all was that the ship was in fact spinning around to avoid the storm completely. Mendo then looked back at the panel and saw that it was nearly in place. The huge width of the panel descended and shrank very clearly to him. The gap had already been closed. Mendo sighed and deactivated his beam sword.

_Moroboshi_ he thought in solemn silence, _I hope you managed to find your way alright. I did the best I could, but I am only human. Only so many of those myriad tunnels had maintenance hatches. Should I be wrong about this, you may very well have to wait for me in the afterlife to punish me yourself. I will accept it no matter what...._ Mendo, in his deep and remorseful state, sat down, his feet transferring the magnetic energy into his shins so he could be formal, and he waited, watching the metal slide down, listening sharply for his command. The metal became even all across. The hull resonated with a very dense thud. Shutaro pressed the switch.

Huge gears started unlocking and spinning. Four giant metal pistons shot out from the panel and into the empty sockets of the other, locking and stopping the movement of the renegade panel at once. The main lock had registered and was successful. Mendo raised his hands up to his face and clapped, keeping them together in front of his face honorably.

"Mission complete" he reported. "I shall engage the rest of the locks for safety and return to the hangar posthaste. Shutaro Mendo out..." With that Mendo stood and faced the camera, making a bow with his hands together.

Inside the bridge Lum silently cried, biting her lip with a fist balled against her cheek, angry and sad at the same time. Ataru, meanwhile, continued to crawl through the poorly-marked honeycomb of tunnels, all marked with faded yellow arrows leading up to the top of the hull.

"Note to self" Ataru began, "make sure to discount the face value of everything from Mendo's mouth..." Ataru was getting breathless. His supplies of air were running low from his earlier marathon sprinting...

* * *

Ryuunosuke and Benten still hadn't returned. This was the approximate time when they reconciled and stood in silence in the sick bay. The bridge was silent as well, save for the beeping of consoles and the transfer of data. Tobimaro sullenly scanned the camera feeds all around, watching Mendo operate by activating each switch after entering its code despite the weighty depression he felt. The Starboard side was receiving the brunt of the debris storm now, but it was so minimal of a concern that it didn't register as a worth dealing with.

"Captain" Tobimaro said, the first to speak up in the entire bridge, "status reports are showing all green levels."

"Engine temperature is optimal" the female technician reported.

"Auxiliary thrust power has been depleted in the counter-balance thrust" the male technician reported.

"Ten minutes until clear of debris field" the Dappya reported in a dragging tone. "Suggest we divert main power to turn the storm to the bottom side of the ship...Dappya."

"No" Lum said, "it's fine. We'll be alright now...." Tobimaro stood up and clenched his fists hard, bracing for something stunning to happen. "We're all fine....that's what matters..."

".....Lum" Tobimaro lowed under his breath. He turned around and marches straight for her seat. She shifted nervously, avoiding any eye contact, smiling even through her still streaming tears.

"Let's just stay on course for now" she said. "We can reach our mission checkpoint in a matter of days if we keep things optimal. No sense in rushing everything..." Her voice trailed off into a high sob. She tried to cover it with a cough and covered her mouth, while reeling forward. She stayed there, bent over herself, with Tobimaro casting a shadow over her from the light of the display screen spanning across the bridge.

"Lum" he said, "please stop." Lum looked up, her eyes no longer tearing, but filled with remorse and sadness. She saw Tobimaro's filled with a warming spark of sincerity and sympathy, of a friendly pity that warmed her chest and broke through her vulnerabilities. She sat up and gripped her arms around him, breaking out into loud, inconsolable sobs. Tobimaro hugged her back, his own eyes tearing from the shared pain she gave to him. Through her wailing cry she opened her eyes to peer into the camera feed of space, now devoid of her Darling, opening only to darkness.

"This is Shutaro Mendo" Mendo reported. "The locks have been secured. I am heading back to the starting point and then returning to the hangar. Over." He flew along the side of the ship, the super-metal hull scuffed but undamaged by the dusty particulate matter of the debris field that hit, and listened closely for a response. He had already said over, and didn't want to overstep himself by continuing despite that. He changed the frequency. "Ataru Moroboshi, respond if you are there." Shutaro waited for a reply but got nothing. He stopped himself with a slow walk and stood over the still opened panel of the secured main lock where he started.

"Moroboshi, reply" Mendo ordered. He waited for another communication, but nothing occurred. He cast his gaze down with a sullen stare and closed his tearing eyes.

_...Damn...._

Suddenly a hatch door near Shutaro opened. He saw it and nearly jumped off the panel and out of his gravity influence. The entire bridge heard the metal clang through the live feed but Lum, whose intense sobs covered her hearing and whose pouring tears covered her eyes. Tobimaro looked over her head, which was over his shoulder, and saw the miracle unfold. From under the metal hatch, **Ataru** emerged, unscathed yet breathless, and stood with mighty steps on the flat hull surface. The hatch he climbed from shut automatically with a dull thud, leaving him standing with his fists bracing his hips.

Mendo looked like he was staring down a ghost, though he looked like he was doing it for the first time ever. Ataru turned to him and flashed him a peace sign, to which he replied by falling flat to his knees and stuttering with a quivering jaw.

"This is Ataru Moroboshi" Ataru hailed to the bridge. "Our mission seems to be complete, but I'm almost out of air. Any suggestions, over?" Tobimaro ducked out of Lum's grip and ran over to his console, sliding up to the boxed station and jumping into the chair. Lum's face was frozen with shock, neutral and mindless shock. She looked up in awe at the screen and saw her Darling at last, standing in front of deep, dark space, an expression of arrogant foolishness surely hidden underneath his helmet. Lum couldn't speak. Her throat had closed from going to too sad to too happy too fast.

"Ataru!" Tobimaro replied enthusiastically. "You're alive!!!"

"Of course I am" Ataru said. "You honestly thought I'd die? What kind of confidence do you have in me? Over." Ataru waited a moment before he got a response.

"You know" Tobimaro began, "you gave us all a huge scare. I don't think we're ready to celebrate you just yet, since you didn't do anything but upset us, over."

"Well of course not" Ataru agreed. "I'm not worth celebrating. Lum's the one who got it all done. Mendo deserves partial credit, I guess. Over."

"Wait a second!" Mendo roared, shooting to his feet and nearly off the metal floor.

Lum stood up and shed tears of joy. Her throat still closed she resorted to smiling and waving at her Darling. Her image showed up in Ataru's HUD, and in response he blew her a kiss and struck a pose. Never one to be left out of any such occasion, Shutaro Mendo struck a refined, regal pose of his own while the crew shouted in jubilation.

"She did it!" the crew cheered. "Captain Lum averted a catastrophic tragedy!"

"Way to go, Captain!" Tobimaro said, turning in his seat with his eyes afire. Lum just smiled and waved in her seat, thoughts racing through her mind of what to say but only one thing truly on her mind.

_Darling.....Thank God!!!_

At this point Benten and Ryuunosuke misinterpreted the events and left in sullen defeat, thereafter leaving Lum as the acting captain while they took on other operations of the ship....


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Love as Great as the Universe is Deep.

* * *

What had started off as an innocent expression of deep love and longing had turned into annoyance as Lum continued to kiss Ataru before he could regain his breath and step on solid ground. She kept him hovering in the anti-gravity hangar while Shutaro just watched with a scowl near the suit hanging stations.

"Stop it!" Ataru demanded, trying to push her away. Lum cried and held him closer and tighter than before, wailing with love into his chest.

"Darling!" she cried. "I'm so glad! I'm so happy!!!"

"That's fine" Ataru said "but let me at least get back on solid ground before you **air-tackle me!**" Lum continued to sob streaming tears of joy into his suit, making it all the more difficult to remove and place on the anti-gravity rack. At long last Ataru and Shutaro left the hangar with Lum hanging from Ataru, her arms wrapped from shoulder to shoulder and her head calmly resting on his chest. Ataru just brushed her presence off and walked with her hanging off him like a garment, just like he was used to. Shutaro took no offense to it, oddly. He was glad in his own stoic respect to see Ataru safe and well.

"Hey Mendo" Ataru began.

"Yes?" Shutaro replied.

"Thanks for saving me back there" Ataru said with a perfectly honest face. "I was ready to give up before you helped me out."

"You're welcome, Ataru" Shutaro said. "I'm glad you're alright. And by the way, job well done." Shutaro stopped and turned to pause them both in the hallway. He extended a hand of friendship for Ataru to accept and added to it a glimmering smile of earnest sincerity. Ataru smiled and took it gratefully. They shook, stood for a moment and departed, Shutaro for the bridge and Ataru carrying Lum towards the cafeteria. Lum opened her eyes, as if coming out of a slumber, and looked up at Ataru's face lovingly.

"Awake already?" Ataru said. Lum pulled herself up and kissed him on the lips. He didn't reject it, nor did he directly embrace it. He just let it happen and turned with a grin as she started walking on her own again.

"I'm so relieved, Darling" Lum said. "I can't believe I almost let you die....I'm so sorry. I lost faith in you, Darling."

"Not really" Ataru said. She looked at him. "I know you. You'd never lose faith in me, even if there's no reason why you should have faith in me at all." Lum blinked at stared straight ahead to ponder Ataru's confusing words. It didn't matter to her that much, though. She stopped thinking and hugged Ataru's arm tight, letting him lead her wherever he wanted to go. In the cafeteria Lum spotted a pile of swirling depressing energy that accumulated around Ryuunosuke and Benten in a distant corner of the room. They sat and sulked together over the loss of their pride and honor to the tiger-striped boots of their friendly compatriot Lum, who waved them down with a joyous smile regardless.

They both groaned and recapped their tremendous loss. Ataru moved himself to their table with the loud setting of his plate full of food and the clatter of his silverware as he prepared to gorge in celebration to his successful mission.

"Great job Moroboshi" Ryuunosuke groaned.

"Yeah" Benten said with over-enthused fakeness. "You're so damn awesome! I hope Lum doesn't give you up anytime soon or she might not get you back!" Benten's head fell to the table and she groaned some more, leaving Ataru ignorant to their sarcasm in favor of food and Lum seething silently at them.

"Haven't you already eaten anyway?" Ryuunosuke asked. "How are you still hungry?"

"Darling was nearly killed!" Lum defended. "He deserves to eat whatever he wants, okay!?" They didn't bother to argue. They were too beaten by her already, and her barking at them only made them sink even lower to the table while Ataru gorged on light, fluffy food. Lum gave him a hug around his shoulders, trying not to inhibit his arms, and sat apeasingly next to him with a shimmering, wife-like smile. "...Why _are_ you eating, Darling?" she finally asked.

"Oh" Ataru said, gulping down a hefty mouth full of food. "This isn't just regular food. It's not supposed to be filling. It's mostly air to replenish my body after being in an artificial environment in space for so long. The one in the ship is equal to Earth's but, you know, the suits were too weak." He crammed another load of food in his mouth, chewed voraciously, and swallowed again. "It's like drinking milk after a hot bath, I guess."

"How?" Lum asked.

"I don't know" Ataru admitted. "I feel better, though!" Ryuunosuke and Benten, not ones to listen to meaningless conversation that wasn't centered around them, picked themselves up and moved to another table, adjacent to Ataru's table, where Shutaro Mendo sat ever so properly sipping some tea. They realized too late what error they made and Shutaro shot them a sparkling, handsome grin.

"Hello, ladies" he said.

_There's no escape_ both girls thought in pained voices. Back at Ataru's table, the most noisy table of scarfing and heavy breathing as the oxygen entered his system from multiple points, Lum had begun a nervous shift under the table by rubbing her knees and hands together as she watched her Darling from the corner of her eye. She was still guilt ridden and clenched her lower lip with her fanged teeth, hiding herself from view as much as she could.

"Something wrong?" Ataru asked, finished eating. Lum looked over at him with surprise and laughed the worry away.

"Not at all, Darling!" she said. She leaned her head onto his shoulder and laid on him for a moment. "I'm just so glad you're okay!"

"You sure" Ataru began "it has nothing to do with the fact that you gave an order that nearly cost me my life?" Lum stayed still. She didn't acknowledge or directly unacknowledged Ataru's accusation. She just stayed static, leaning against his shoulder, breathing softly, not saying a single word. She then opened her eyes and yawned as she stretched her back straight. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked over at Ataru, who was just remarking silently at the sheer transparency of her tactics. She grinned and fell into him with arms open and embracing.

"Hello, Darling" she cooed.

"You think I didn't figure it out?" Ataru asked. "Am I that dim to you?" Now Lum looked appropriately panicked. Her eyes went wide and her lips folded in. She rose up and looked at Ataru with a frozen, nervous smile while he glared at her with inquisitive, accusing eyes. Lum suddenly became flustered and furious and raced to defend herself.

"What was I supposed to do!?" Lum demanded. "In case you didn't notice we were in a serious situation, and if I hadn't made a decision you wouldn't have had a single chance! Our ship would be damage beyond immediate repair before we even got close to our destination! You have no idea how tense I was trying to decide what to do! I could hardly breathe! It was excruciating! And now you're trying to make me look like the bad guy!? I couldn't stop crying afterward, Darling! I thought I killed you!!!" Ataru stopped her as hot, angry tears began to form in her eyes and she blinked them away.

"Come on" Ataru said. "I know the real reason." Lum blinked at him.

"You do?" she said.

"You got mad" Ataru said "and tried to punish me!"

"By killing you?" Lum said, looking worried over the revelation Ataru was slowly revealing. "Darling, no, I'd never ever do that. I love you!"

"When you said you believed in me" Ataru began "I just brushed it off, didn't I? That's why you got mad, right?" Lum was shocked. That _is_ why she got mad, and she distinctly remembered it. "I guess I'm not that good with words, though."

"What do you mean?" Lum asked, turning away to console herself in the reveal of her weakest moment of anger. Ataru laid his hand on her shoulder and made her turn her head back to him.

"Of course you believe in me, Lum" Ataru said with a sincere and caring face. "You always believe in me. I know that. It's redundant of you to go ahead and say it. Even if I failed, you'd be proud of me and love me despite my obvious failing personality. What kind of motivation is that for a guy like me? If something's easy I'll only be minimally motivated to go after it, but if it's hard, like girl hunting is, I'll try and try a thousand times until I get it right. That's just how I am!" Lum's eyes were swelled with tears. Ataru's speech had calmed her mind, soothed her soul and brought an honest smile back to her face.

"You're a moron" she said, holding him tight. Ataru looked confused. He thought he was being introspective and deep. Lum brought him close and touched her forehead to his. "But you're my moron. My lovely, stupid Darling..." Ataru grinned.

"That's what I mean" he said. Lum closed her eyes and pressed her lips into his. Ataru pressed back and they kissed. The longer they kissed the redder Mendo's face grew until his watching the Oni girl of his lingering affection had made he himself an Oni.

* * *

"You okay?" Benten asked the boiling, seething Shutaro. His head was shaking and his face was flush red. His tongue had somehow forked and distended from his jaw which was rowed with spiked fangs and his hair was billowing like the wispy trail of a demon's tail in an arcane, angry wind. He took in a hollow, deep breath and sighed it all away, returning down from the remarkable morphing to his average angry octopus morph and then to his regular face at last. Lum and Ataru walked away before he said anything, and he began his speech with a heavy grip of his hand against his fragile tea cup. It broke in his hand.

"I....am a shameful man" Shutaro said, placing his forehead regretfully into the palm of his hand, sliding to the side. He cast his gaze offward, to the side of the duo across from him, and began a provocative musing. "What kind of a man am I, whose romance compares to the great laureate poets of the old western world, and whose dashing good looks can humble the greatest men and even the Greek gods who hold high the sun in the sky, if I fall even to the vain flights of jealousy that I had hoped so long ago to abandon?"

"Dude, what?" Benten asked, too tired and depressed to bother with translating the egregious fanciful wordplay the overzealous boy used. Ryuunosuke sighed and tried her best to dumb it down.

"He's jealous of Moroboshi" she said "but doesn't believe it."

"Forgive me for being so blunt" Shutaro said, coming down from a poetic mood to his regular, regal self, "but that's an absurd accusation, Miss Ryuunosuke."

"But it's true, ain't it?" Ryuunosuke said. Benten chuckled.

"How can you be" Benten began "to get jealous of that creep?"

"How dare you!?" Shutaro bellowed. He cleared his throat and relaxed himself to maintain a dutiful and representative posture despite his shortcoming of anger. "My apologies, Miss Benten, but Ataru Moroboshi is not an object of my admiration. Far from it. I more often despise him than I can side with him, for my own reasons of course, but the fact remains that I am nonetheless moved by the goings-on in his life. I just can't piece together why. More happens in my regular life than it ever does in his..." He started stroking his chin and looked away thoughtfully.

"Do you have a live-in fiancee?" Benten asked. Shutaro glanced out of the side of his eye at her, but kept his pose otherwise the same. "Thought not. See? He's got more 'going on' than you after all."

"That is hardly what I meant!" Shutaro demanded, turning his head full forward at her. "I have a very healthy love life with a very courteous and loyal fiancee, thank you very much." Benten and Ryuunosuke gave each other a glance, as they knew who he was talking about and couldn't agree less with her courtesy and loyalty.

"Dude" Ryuunosuke said, "your loyal fiancee wants me just as much as she wants you."

"And her own brother" Benten said. "Shutaro looked between them both with a lost balance of charisma, wide eyes and a strand of hair out of place, darting his head back and forth until he shook himself out of it through his natural rhythms.

"She has some very serious psychiatric conditions" Shutaro defended "all of which can be traced directly to her contact with Moroboshi. It should be no surprise why I would relate my dislike of him to my fiancee's inherent situation. Even now, Miss Asuka is undergoing rigorous programs through her and my families combined efforts to restore her mental health to an appropriate level for a bride-to-be, and eliminate her andoraphobia altogether so that she and I may be wed without any circumstance."

"Rushing into things, eh?" Benten said. "Heh. Let me tell you, something. No one I know that went head-first into a relationship like that ever got through it easily."

"It's an arranged marriage with him" Ryuunosuke said.

"Oh" Benten said. "Well, I guess it's a bit beyond you right now, isn't it? Hehehe!" Shutaro could see the obvious pleasure Benten was pulling from causing him deliberate emotional distress but he let it go past him. He simply brushed his hair back and scoffed with a haughty swish of his head.

"My life is mine" Shutaro said. "In the end, regardless of my parent's decisions for my future, I have the final say in who I shall spend my life with. Miss Asuka, however, meets all the requirements for a dignified, royal-family young lady. She is elegant, eloquent, well learned and not the least bit indecent. She is a wonderful example of the high-esteemed status that both she and I hold as heirs to vast fortunes, and I would be glad to spend my life with a woman who is within my cultural bounds."

"Cultural?" Ryuunosuke said. "You sure you don't just want her for the money?" Shutaro gave out a haughty, self-absorbed laugh.

"I have more wealth than most small nations **combined!**" Shutaro said with his ego elevating his voice high above just an arrogant roar. The thought of marrying solely for money is but the dream of some common man without any fantasy or imagination to add to his romantic anticipation of life. Any man without the flights of fancy to marry above or below his status is not a man, I say, but a coward who is afraid to face a possible reality that goes against his high hopes for success and happiness."

"Dude, what?" Ryuunosuke asked. "All this talk about romance and crap, I can't keep up."

"Just level with us" Benten said in plea. "We aren't that up with regular romance. To us, romance is flying your bike half a meter off the ground a granite-spike covered planet. Romance is watching a sun go super-nova and then outracing the collapse of the solar-system's gravity in a light-speed cruiser. Romance is exploring territory where no intelligent being has ever gone before and finding....stuff."

"Romantic scenery?" Ryuunosuke said. Benten snapped her fingers and nodded, accepting her answer in place of her own flimsy addition. "Are you really happy with her though, Shutaro?" Ryuunosuke asked, using all her latent feminine energy to sound as womanly as possible in asking. Shutaro was taken aback for a second but recovered and cleared his throat before beginning.

"I most certainly am" Shutaro said with absolute honesty. "I only wish she were here. I miss her, despite how short it's been since our last encounter."

"If she were here" Benten mentioned "we'd have a lot more problems on internal technical levels. Like holes in the floor and dents in the hull from inside after she goes on her rampages."

"Yes...." Shutaro said in defeat. "She does....still do that often. We're working very hard to help her out."

"Is she still coddling with her bro?" Ryuunosuke asked.

"Yeees...." Shutaro groaned, obviously in a withheld anger.

"Does she still fawn over this guy?" Benten said, pointing at Ryuunosuke. Ryu stomped on her foot and got her to stop and shut up. Shutaro was silent. His jaw was jutted and clenched hard, which showed that he was obviously angry at the answer, and forced an awkward silence to be cast over the table. "Well, the bridge is probably unmanned right now, so I'm taking the night shift. Any objections?"

"Nope" Ryuunosuke said, getting ready to run away before Shutaro blew up. He managed to compose himself long enough to stand and brush his hair back with a charismatic smirk across his face.

"I believe we can all trust in you the most, Miss Benten" he said coolly. He left before either of them, walking between the tables and out of the mess hall, on towards wherever he wished. Ryuunosuke and Benten left together, their confidence restored and their purpose renewed, as they were absolutely positive that Ataru and Lum were together and alone.

* * *

Ataru was standing alone in the hall, leaning against the wall next to a door, waiting for....something very casually. Shutaro passed him in total ignorance, going off on a tangent in his mind that was so loud it blocked out all other noise. Therefore, even though Ataru whistled so sharply that he had to step forward to get all the air out when Shutaro passed, he didn't acknowledge him.

_...UNTHINKABLE POPPYCOCK!!!_ Shutaro thought in a roar of intellect. _To even be under the persuasion that I would ever envy the grunt-headed, foolish, inane, indescribably moronic nexus of all misfortune, one must be insane! Has the tomboyish lifestyle of Miss Benten rubbed off on Miss Ryuunosuke so much so that a reverse is impossible at this point? Is there truly no hope for her to achieve a standard of true femininity anymore? Is she so beyond all hope by alien means that....._

"Huh" Ataru grunted as Shutaro stormed quietly through the halls. "Weird...I get the feeling he was thinking about me, but it vanished...." Just then Ryuunosuke passed by and gave a cold shiver. "Someone thinking about you, Ryu-chan?" Ryuunosuke looked at him and instantly placed blame, giving him a tap to his shoulder.

"Hmph" she huffed, watching him rub his shoulder from the stern punch he was given. She grinned at him and swayed away. "Welcome back, Ataru." She paced away with a haughty swing in her hips, something Ataru had never seen from her before, and he was entranced until Benten smacked his back so squarely that he was thrown onto his stomach.

"Why is everyone hurting me?" Ataru asked. Benten brought him back up by tugging on his limp arm and setting him square on his feet. She was smiling wide and arrogantly, much like he would in any given situation, but she looked much cooler. Ataru grinned back, nervous that he would get hit again but still goofy and flippant.

"You don't know just how steamed you got Mendo, do you?" she asked. Ataru sighed and casually placed himself against the wall once more.

"My ability to just live annoys the guy" Ataru said. "What's the big surprise about him getting mad at me this time around?"

"You and Lum" Benten said. Ataru slid a few inches down the wall. "Honestly, I can't see it, but whatever you've got seems to be working and it's pissing him off."

"I'm sure he's just secretly jealous" Ataru said. He smugly crossed his arms and grinned with arrogance. "That Mendo. He's always been hounding after my amazing secrets. After all, all the most bodacious and amazing babes of the galaxy flock to me! He wishes he had that kind of power! Hehehe!"

"Hey" Benten said, "you alright?" Ataru hadn't noticed that while his feet stayed flat against the ground his head was also on the floor. He slid all the way down in his over-confident ruse of casualness. As Ataru picked himself up Benten shook her head and lightly palmed her forehead. "Listen, can I ask you something kinda personal?"

"Sure" Ataru said. "My hair's natural, and I can't bench any more than my own weight once."

".................huh?" Benten grunted, so utterly confused to his information, unwanted as it was, that her mind skipped over what she wanted to ask that was jut biting at her a moment ago. She shook the confusion off and returned to her former train of thought. "Just how are you and Lum?"

"You need to ask that?" Ataru said. "We're fine. Isn't it obvious?"

"Well, yeah" Benten said. "So much so that it's getting pretty sickening! Hehehe!" She nervously laughed off her last remark, and kept laughing as Ataru joined her.

"Yeah" he agreed, "we tend not to care about what people think!"

"You sure don't!" Benten shouted, patting his shoulders. They laughed loud and riotously for a while, clutching their stomachs and leaning back in the sheer joviality of their strangely-started fit of hysteria. After a while, though, it died down, and Benten and Ataru faced each other once more with a casual seriousness that stayed unbroken by their smiles. "So, you're really close, then?"

"We're engaged" Ataru said. "I'd say we are."

"Really?" Benten said, in surprise with a reeled-away look of disgust on her. She felt like she wasn't looking at the right version of Ataru right now, even though she felt the passive strain of guard that always came over her when either he or an assassin was nearby. "You're...willing to admit that?"

"Well we are" Ataru said. "I'm certainly not planning on marrying her, but what the heck, I'll stay engaged if it keeps me from getting fried regularly."

"Ah-haa..." Benten said uncertainly. "Well, what does she think of that?"

"You saw her, didn't you?" Ataru said. "I doubt I could lose her totally if I tried. She's completely in love with me, irrevocably. That's what all the biographies on us say." Benten slugged him one. Not for being brash but for nearly breaking the fourth wall, and they glanced around shiftily to make sure no one heard them. Seeing nothing, peace was restored and they rejoined themselves where they left off.

"So what about _you_ then?" Benten demanded. "Do you love her?" Ataru crossed his arms and closed his eyes. He kept them shut for a while, making Benten think that he was trying to feign sleep like Lum did earlier to avoid a direct answer, but she could see an unusually sternness on his face that certainly wasn't the look of sleep. She leaned in to try and see through his lids, but suddenly they opened to the dark, stern pupils he owned which continued to swirl in thought. Then he grinned and shifted almost instantly to his regular goofy self, complete with the unsettling, perverse giggle.

"Come on, Benten!" Ataru said. "Why would you want to worry about Lum? She's not around, obviously! Why don't you ask me about **you!?**" Ataru made a short leap for her, arms out and tongue trailing out of his mouth. Benten reeled in fearful shock, totally defenseless and unguarded, then brought her fists up to her tightly clenched mouth and wide, disgusted eyes as Ataru ran his fingers wiggling down her spine.

"**HYAAAAH! BASTARD!!!!!"** Benten spiked her fists into Ataru's head and he was slammed into the metal floor at her feet. She stepped on his back and his hand as she ran away, a tactical retreat born from her natural fighting instinct. She knew, in a grappling battle, Ataru would always win in the worst possible way, so she ran at full speed for the deck or wherever she would be safe. Ataru groaned and brought himself up with a push of his arms. He had a victorious, serious grin on his face, not one of his usual perversion but one of a serious, duteous aura. He stood up and brushed himself off and swiped a thumb across his nose with a quick huff to clear the congestion Benten had slammed into him.

_You should know, Benten_ Ataru thought _how difficult it is to get a straight answer from that question out of me. Honestly, I thought she was smarter than that, even for a rambunctious, adorable biker-babe. I'd never say it so passively, but really..._

"Darling?" Lum called. Ataru turned around to the door where he had waited so patiently in front of and saw Lum, dressed in loose pajamas colored pink with her trademark style of black tiger stripes, complete with thick, fuzzy slippers. She grinned as she leaned from the door and hovered over to him to give him a warm, loving hug. He chuckled nervously and accepted it, hugging her back though not nearly as tight or serious. "I love you Darling" she cooed.

"Yeah, yeah" Ataru said. "I know, I know. You and I and everyone on Earth knows that." She pulled back to look into his eyes, keeping her arms on his sides and smiling that he kept his on her as well.

"Well how many people know what _you_ think?" Lum asked. Ataru grinned at her.

"Only one person" Ataru said "will ever know what I think." Lum blinked coyly and moved in to kiss him, closing her eyes and turning her head to lock her lips with his.

"That's right" Lum said. She pulled him into a long, deep kiss that lasted the length of time it took for the next captain to take her seat and correct the ship's rotation in space. Well over a minute. They both lost track of time and separated finally with a loud smack. "**I do.**" Ataru blinked in confusion.

"......I don't" Ataru said. Lum giggled and floated away from him, brushing her hand down his chest as she turned away and entered her room. The door slid shut just as she turned to wave and wink her brilliantly seductive, sexy eyes. "Wait...wait a second, I thought....there's no altar, is there?" Ataru spun around in place, searching for the appropriations for a wedding, then stopped aiming at the door and cupped his chin in his fist to think. "What did she say 'I do' to? I completely forgot what we were talking about before...." And so Ataru stood in the hall, dumbstruck as usual, and looked up and down the length of the empty hall, thinking and leaning on the border of decision on where he should go now....


	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

An Episode on Earth. What's Everyone Up To?

* * *

The heat on Earth was as brutal as it had ever been. Scientists likened it to the earliest primordial days and began experiments to culture fantastically new creatures in the incredible new heat and light. So far, no success. Through the extraterrestrial networking of the Mendo clan, many homes were spared the incredible heat through the gracious charity of the Neptunian queen, Oyuki, who provided everyone with an air-conditioning wind-chime, a newly refined product that no longer multiplied with each ring past thirty at a time. At the note of their son's usual generosity among his collective of friends, the first successful batch of wind-chimes was given to the Miyake house. Shinobu and Inaba were home alone, left by trusting parents who went out to work and to struggle through the blazing-hot streets for food, up in her chilled room where little gusts blew and occasionally chimed a chilling breeze.

Shinobu sighed loudly on the floor. "It's always like this, isn't it?" she asked. Inaba looked down at her from up on her bed. He was busy watching things outside the window that went past the limited facilities of human understanding.

"Like what?" Inaba asked. Shinobu rolled over and began kicking her legs up behind her.

"Am I so much of a weakling" she began "that no one thinks I can handle the same things? The strange situations or the abnormal reality?"

"Well" Inaba said, turning around, "you don't really have the same passive attention that most of your friends can harbor."

"What do you mean?" Shinobu asked.

"As long as a pretty woman is involved" Inaba illustrated "Ataru and Shutaro will charge forward without an ounce of apprehension or fear. Lum will do anything and ignore the strangeness, or embrace it, if Ataru is involved."

"Well what about Ryuunosuke?" Shinobu asked, crawling up to her hands and knees. "Even if she's abnormal I think she's still the most normal out of the rest of them!"

"But she really isn't" Inaba said. "She's violent, aggressive and manly. It'd work out perfectly if she was a guy, but..."

"Well...." Shinobu said with a more hinting silence afterward. She sat up onto her knees and ran circles with her finger in her carpet. Inaba glanced at her and joined her on the floor. The chime rang and grew another breezy bell out of a frosty branch, cooling the room down instantly. The feeble shades, durable as they were, still let nearly all the outside light in and cast a hot beam onto the floor. A cool steam was rising where the cool air fell to the hot floor.

"Am I too normal for you?" Shinobu asked, finally breaking the tension and creating a lot more. Inaba grinned at her and reached to hold her hand.

"That's what _I_ should be asking" Inaba said. Shinobu's romantic weariness had fallen with her shoulders, and now she was glaring at him flatly. All his romantic vigor shattered as he turned and covered his mouth to sneeze.

"Bless you" Shinobu said, taking a kerchief from her pocket and handing it to him. His nose twitched with each sniff, like a rabbit's nose, and he cleaned his hand quickly.

"Thank you" he said. Shinobu lightly stroked his nose and he curiously glanced at her.

"I didn't know you could do that" she said. "Twitch your nose again." Inaba was blinking rapidly in curiosity but obliged and twitched his nose up and down at will. Shinobu giggled as she watched him, then broke out laughing at him. Inaba turned around and covered his nose, looking down at his shadow on the floor. Shinobu stopped laughing but didn't stop grinning. She laid a hand on his shoulder and he turned, lip bit and throat choking back tears. "I'm sorry, Inaba. I'm sorry." Inaba nodded and turned back around to face her.

"I don't think you're too normal for me" Inaba said, finally answering her most pressing question. "In fact, that's why I'm so attracted to you."

"Really?" Shinobu asked. "I thought it was because I was the first girl you'd ever met."

"Well, that helped" Inaba said shamelessly. Shinobu grabbed, twisted and flicked his nose with one swift and sudden motion of her arm, swinging it back to her chest to cross over her other arm in a huff. Inaba fell back from the attack, his palms flat on the floor and his legs buckled up, completely afraid. "I-I didn't say anything, did I?" Shinobu turned to him with her cheeks puffed up in rage.

"So I _am_ normal, aren't I?" Shinobu said, taking it as an insult of some kind. Inaba shook his hands but kept his mouth shut. There was no defending himself anymore. "They don't think I can handle what they can handle, is that it? That's it!" She grabbed Inaba in a rage, making him squeal in fear. "Take me into subspace!" She demanded.

"....where?" Inaba asked.

"Um" Shinobu said, pausing to think, "I don't know. Where could we go?"

"From here?" Inaba asked. "I suppose I could open something in your room, but I'd have to reopen it someplace else. The safest and quickest way to get to sub-space is right across the street from here. Ataru and I went there one time, but-"

"Nevermind" Shinobu said. She let go of Inaba and took a deep breath. The wind-chime cooled the room again, this time with the added company of five more bells. Shinobu moved across the floor towards a discretely retreating Inaba and managed to catch him long enough to lay in his lap. Inaba sighed with relief and gently began stroking her hair.

"It's quite bright, isn't it?" he said.

"Of course it is" Shinobu said "but they'll take care of it. They always manage, somehow, to take care of things."

"Are you really that upset about being left behind?" Inaba asked. "I'm sure I could take you up to their ship if you really wanted. It has just as many knotholes for dimensional travel as any other structure would."

"That's okay" Shinobu said. "I'm fine here." Inaba held his hand at her head and leaned back against the side of her bed. She curled up tighter and sighed out in comfort and relief. The room was coll in contrast to the obvious heat outside, and being so close to her perfectly warm boyfriend gave her the best feeling of her life. Even if the world baked and boiled outside, in here she was so comfortable that it didn't matter to her. She felt at ease, total peace, weightless and drifty.

_Wow_ she thought. _Maybe this is what makes Lum stay with Ataru. She must feel like this all the time...!_

"Shinobu" Inaba began, "I'm not too, uh, strange for you, am I?" Shinobu looked up through leering, suggestively coy eyes and grinned at him. He felt his heart rise up and close up his throat from the tension she gave him.

"If I didn't have some kind of wonder in my life" she said, nuzzling in closer to his chest, "I'd just be another boring, bland, normal young woman in high school, and I don't want that. I wouldn't last at all in this town if everything about me was _normal_. Nothing here is normal, certainly not......._love._" Inaba had to swallow hard to clear his throat of his swollen nerves, but all at once he was able to breathe clearly again and started wheezing out visible breath. He grabbed Shinobu around her back and drew her in closer, using her for heat as the wall above her door was chiming and ringing loudly with the thirty snow-making bells.

"Aren't you cold?" he asked. Shinobu shook her head and sighed, hugging him tighter and tighter, embracing him with all the strength her love could permit. "I'm.....I'm kinda cold, Shinobu. I think I should put on a coat or something..." Inaba was nailed to the floor with his girlfriend, snared in her rabbit-trap hold, and forced to endure the cold.

_She has inhuman body heat!_ Inaba thought. _It's not normal for a girl not to get cold when it's this freezing!!!_

Shinobu didn't think. She just let herself be lost in her swimming heart, warm from love.

* * *

Strolling down a misfortune-laden street was a tall, wide figure that was cast in a perpetual shadow from the radiant sun. People gazed out their windows wearing heavily tinted goggles and saw this figure marching in heavy steps with a wicker basket that had miraculously not burst into flames in the extraterrestrial heat. Everyone watched the figure walk, and retreated from their windows to the cooling breeze of their wind-chimes once they saw it walking up the path to the Moroboshi house, as expected.

Three loud, hollow knocks from the thick, padded gloves echoed through the inside of the house. No response was heat. In this heat the cicadas don't even chirp. It was too hot and bright, but in the new natural silence a new constant noise of heat would resonate. If one listened closely, no matter where one went, the sound of the ground sizzling could easily be heat, and in the forests the soft crumbling of leaves as they dried and withered on their stems filled the air.

No response so the figure knocked again. This time the door slid open just slightly, letting out a cool, sparkling roll of mist.

"Are you a reporter?" the woman behind the door asked. The figure shook its head in the thick, padded radiation suit. The door shut, a lock slid open, and Mrs. Moroboshi greeted the stranger in her normal attire. A thicker roll of mist swept out and evaporated almost instantly in the heat of the sun. "Please, come in" she offered. The suited person walked in with a bow and set their basket on the floor. "Excuse me for being so defensive, but with our son's notorious reputation preceding him so much, and with him away on his mission to the sun, people have been coming by day after day to root through our family history and his relationship and where we stand on it....it get's very frustrating. So, what can I do for you, sir?"

"Uh..." the figure hummed, "I'm a friend of Lum's who came to drop off something I borrowed from her."

"Oh?" Mrs. Moroboshi said. She took a slight pause, examined the figure, then pointed with a gleaming triumph. "Ran?"

"How'd you know!?" Ran squealed. She forced off her flat-topped rubber mask and visor and revealed her happy, innocent, sweet-as-honey smile with her hair all up in a messy, humid bun. "Sorry if I startled you, miss!"

"Ohoho!" Mrs. Moroboshi chuckled. "No worries at all! I wasn't expecting anyone to brave that kind of heat, that's all. I've been wondering where people have been getting those suits, though. You're not the first person to wear one."

"They're selling them in the market" Ran explained. "Those Dappya creatures were selling them a few days ago, before it got really hot, and I was just lucky enough to buy the last one available!" That was a lie, but Ran hid it well behind her borderline schizophrenic experience. She had beaten someone bloody who had it on when she was walking around sweating through her best sundress and hat. "I was soooo happy!" she went on, glossing over her lie with more sweetness.

"I'm sorry that Lum isn't here to receive you" Mrs. Moroboshi said. "If you're just returning something of hers then you're welcome to do so. Just leave it up in her room, and feel free to take that awful suit off in here." Ran nodded sweetly, with a little hop, and unequipped the suit in a neat, tidy pile on the floor. She was wearing heat-resilient clothes of a more contemporary fashion underneath all that rubber and padding, simple denim shorts and a tank-top layered over a thing baby tee. She even let her hair down and picked up her wicker basket and slipped on the pair of guest slippers and skipped on upstairs.

As she ascended her sweet demeanor gave way to her menacing nefariousness and her saccharine grin morphed into a twisted, evil snarl. Her eyes went to vile slits surrounded by bloody-veined red and her fangs showed in her teeth. Her girly skip became a stealthy, angry stomp that pumped her arms back and forth with tightly-clenched fists. She quietly opened and closed the door to Ataru's room and glared down upon the floor with a murderous shine in her eyes. The shades were drawn, letting in only the single hot sliver of light beneath them, and the stagnancy of freshly-cleaned floors still hung in the air.

_What a pitiful hovel_ she thought. _To think that anyone who calls herself a princess would reduce herself willingly to such a shabby, shoddy little hole! What a pathetic, disgraceful, disgusting, lewd, **garbage-laden, disrespectful, ROTTEN, DISGUSTING!!!!**_

"Ah, whoopsies!" she cutely said, tapping and tilting her head, "I already said that!" She shifted her head from side to side and made her way across the room, suspecting nothing at all. She walked across the floor and looked at the full breadth of the room with a haughty, high-and-mighty look upon her face. She shifted her hand to her hip and cocked it. "What a dump" she said in her nasty, disdainful voice. "I'm glad I've got a nice, comfy UFO to live in now..." Ran placed her basket down and retrieved the items from under the plaid kerchief covering the opening of the woven wicker.

**Bombs.** Tiny Ran-shaped bombs, but more potent with destruction than any earthen gunpowder or combustive liquids retrievable on an open market. Messenger dolls with only one prerecorded message: "Goodbye, Lum!" Ran let out a deep, evil chuckle as she hid each doll in the dark corners, nooks and crannies and under whatever they could fit under. They would come from everywhere and obliterate her unrequited nemesis. Her deep, dark chuckle seemed to awaken something in the room as she felt a presence immediately when her last bomb was hidden in the wardrobe.

"Lum?" Ten called. He slowly opened the closet door and floated out with a visor on his head and a floating puffer-fish-like alien trailing behind him. "Lum, is that you?"

_DAMN!!!_ Ran mentally cried. Ten turned his eyes to Ran and adjusted to her frame before seeing her color. Her tight clothes hugging her skin, bearing her legs and her nebulous hair, all of them framed the exact image of Lum, and in her disheveled panic to a living presence she had fallen back a bit and her bangs curled up into tiny horns in the heat. Ten's eyes teared up, further blurring his vision and he started wobbling through the air with wet, sobbing cries.

"LUM!!!" he called. His puffy friend floated beside him with a cute little smile and wide, friendly eyes aimed at Ran. She stuttered but kept silent and let the little boy grope his way between her breasts. "Lum, I missed you so much! Why didn't you take me with youuuuuuuuuu?"

"Uhhhh...." Ran groaned in displeasure. She grabbed Ten and pulled him away. He kept his fingers hooked at her shirt as he was forced away, tears streaming and grubby hands grasping. "Hey!" Ran growled. Ten opened his eyes and saw the sneering, glaring face of Ran quickly turn to sweet, sensitive and caring as she held him in an unflinching grip. "Silly little boy! You learn too much from Darling, don't you?" Ten had finally adjusted his eyes and clearly saw Ran talking to him in his room.

"Huh?" Ten began. "Wait, why are you here, Ran? Where's Lum? And the idiot?"

"I'm afraid they're still away" Ran said. She now noticed the puffer-fish alien hovering around with a smile on its face, turning upside down and doing little flips in the air out of pure pleasure. She pointed to it to shift their attention. "Who's your little friend?"

"Ah" Ten exclaimed in glee. "He's Ponjaru. He came floating out of a sub-space hole in the closet yesterday and we've been playing ever since!"

"And the visor?" Ran asked, pointing to his green-tinted card-dealing cap.

"We were playing cards" Ten plainly explained. Ran was taken aback with curiosity but only upturned her brows at him.

"What kind of cards?" she asked, her voice deepening. Ten broke away with a quick jerk of flight and flew down to look at one of her dolls. She was fearless of him activating it, as only the voices from Ataru or Lum could activate the horde waiting in ambush. Ten tapped the doll on the head and it shook. Then it braced itself as he kept tapping, hid its head under its arms and cutely tried to bat Ten away with its tiny doll arms. Ten retreated after it gave him a proper, strong swat. He looked to Ran and saw her pacing impatiently and staring at the tatami flooring.

"What're you doing, Ran?" Ten innocently asked.

"Oh nothing" she said sweetly but with a face that harbored an intensity of purpose. "I was just thinking, wondering.....plotting."

"Plotting what?" Ten asked. Ran turned with a silly giggle to him and waved his assumptions away.

"Oh, silly boy" she cooed. "I'm not plotting anything! Teeheehee!" Ran took another step and heard her foot give off a hollow creak of the tatami flooring. She stopped stunned and knelt down, knocking against the floor with her ear to it. "AHA!!!" she victoriously roared. She grabbed the tatami and expertly flipped it into the wall. Underneath was a hollow board with a thin handle whittled into the wood, just wide enough for fingers to pry at.

"What are you doing?" Ten asked, hovering over to her.

"Just watch, little boy" Ran said as she took the handle in her nails....

* * *

_It's gone just as I'd figure!_ Ran thought as she pulled the panel away from the floor. She threw that too behind her, narrowly hitting Ponjaru who barrel-rolled away just in time. It glared at her but Ten waved his hand in a plead to brush the matter away. He was curious to see just what Ran had discovered that had literally been under his nose this entire time. She pulled out a large, black box, one that looked far too long and thick to be in such a thin flooring, and heaved it carefully onto the wooden flooring beside the hole it came from. She saw a lock and took from her tight jean pocket a pin-sized device that unfolded into a tangled, wiry mess of metal. She inserted it into the keyhole once, then pulled it out and the wires had conformed to the proper shape of the lock. She inserted it again and unlocked the box, totally ignoring Ten who observed right beside her.

"What's that?" Ten asked.

"Hehehe" Ran chuckled with sly evil. "A safe box, of course!"

"What for?" Ten asked.

"Obviously" Ran replied "Darling is the kind of guy who stays prepared for any kind of circumstance. He stays on guard around people who regularly threaten him, he learns the shortcuts of any neighborhood so he can escape effortlessly from anyone who chases him, and if the heat ever gets too much for him to handle, he has a stash of emergency supplies hidden somewhere! I knew I'd find it if I looked hard enough, and here it is!!! **GAHAHAHAHA!!!!!**" Her evil laughter, provoked by the heat of the day, frightened Ten.

_What's wrong with her?_ Ten innocently wondered. _Is it a full tide this month?_ Ran picked the safe up and held it on her shoulder, dumping the contents to the floor. There was much less than she thought there'd be, only a few satchels already filled with supplies and some loose items that had clattered around freely before.

Ran cackled and set the box carefully down and started rooting through the bags. Ten was watching, half taken aback in fear by her fervent, manic mood, and half apathetic to her going through all of Ataru's possessions. It was his problem to deal with whenever it suited him. Ran continued cackling as she emptied three full bags of cash onto the floor and grabbed two greedy handfuls of both Japanese yen and American dollars.

"I knew it!" Ran said. "That little punk! He has enough yen for an airplane ticket and enough......of this other stuff" as she hadn't been outside Japan in her life on Earth yet "to lie comfortably wherever he goes! What else is he hiding?" Ran pulled out Ataru's long-forgotten Medal of Honor, bequeathed to him so graciously by the Emperor himself when he won the first game of tag that saved the human race so long ago. "With this he could be protected for _life!_" Ran said with a high-pitched, breathless hiss of voice. "_That bastard!!!_"

Ten had gone back into his closet with Ponjaru and went to playing cards again. Between them there was a single wind-chime bell surrounded by burnt branches from unwanted multiples. Ten looked at his cards and then looked over to Ponjaru, who was upside down and looking over his cards as they somehow floated in front of him.

"She's weird, isn't she?" Ten asked. Ponjaru nodded his whole body in agreement.

"Hehehe!" Ran cackled. "He's got a passport, free travel rights, policing rights, self-defense rights! Legal jurisdiction to own and operate a firearm!!!" Ran stopped sifting through the documents and folders for a moment to rise up with a dumbstruck look of surprise. "What's he need all this for? Is he planning on being some vigilante of justice somewhere? Seriously..." Ran dropped the notes and braced her hands on the warm floor. "Even _I_ don't have this much legal crap. I haven't even renewed my passport for Earth yet, since I use sub-space all the time. I wonder if he has one of those in here..." Ran searched for any script that she could recognize as alien and, to her suspicious, she found one. In Oni.

_So that's his last-ditch plan_ she thought. _If the whole planet turns on him he'll just run away with Lum to her home planet! What a coward!_ Ran let out a nefarious sneer as she opened the legal folder. Inside was a text and signature so shocking that she couldn't hold onto it any more. Her hands were shaking as the paper floated to the floor, all Oni aside from the Japanese names of 'Nerima' and 'Tomobiki' and 'Tokyo', all lined above the single rubber-stamp signature of **Lum**.

"This is Lum's?" Ran said. "She....she's in on this thing!?" Ran hadn't planned for that. She pressed her hands against her mouth to keep from squealing in sheer shock.

_All his plans of retreat_ she thought in utter surprise. _They're for **both of them!?** _Ran went back to searching once more and found even more documents and another clip of currency. But the documents she found were for Lum, all distinct copies of Ataru's documents, all with the same stamp. _By God_ Ran thought, clutching the paper with tight hands and a tighter, mad smile. _I can burn all this and ruin them forever!!! THIS IS THE GREATEST PLAN I'VE EVER HAD!!!_ Ran felt compelled to stand up and cackle as loudly as she could. She wanted to shout her own praise to the mountains! But she stopped herself. She let out a single evil cackle and then slapped her mouth shut.

After a sufficient time of silence had passed, Ran went back to cackling and opened a white binder. On the first page was a full photo of Ataru, along, smiling and holding up a peace sign. She scoffed at it and turned the page.

_What, a portfolio?_ Ran thought with a great dejecting tone. _Is he going to try and be some kind of actor?_ She turned the page and saw Lum, dressed normally, not in her Oni bikini garb, standing the same way in the opposite face with the same peace sign up. Ran was now confused. The third page showed them together, in the same shot, leaning back-to-back and giving peace with grins. She finally folded the book over and viewed the front cover with disgust.

_Photo Album_

A shock of white lightning cracked in her head. She was frozen in her wide-eyed, brow-furrowed dread for a good, long while. She finally set it down and bent over to casually, intently flip through it. For page after page she held back sick cringes at seeing Lum in seductive, suggestive artistic photos, all taken for her Darling to see along, and then she sighed in envy at the pictures they shared together.

_They look like a couple_ she thought. She sighed at herself. _Of course they're a couple. The most annoying one I know..._ She turned past the private and couple pictures and finally found something familiar: herself. Group photos, ones she never remembered taking and ones she was posed in right at the camera, all of them with either one the other or both posing together. One had a translucent goat in it, which she scratched her head at. Pictures of ghosts, aliens, other random inhuman beings and bizarre things, all memories she kept with her or ones she knew were kept tightly in the hearts of those included in them. Ran was finally taken aback with a sweet sympathy, a swooning lovey-dovey trance, when she saw the final photo.

The both of them, together, under a lacy, flowery arch, in wedding attire. Dated in all Xs, signed by Inaba with a little bunny sign. Ran sighed and reeled back with her hands over her mouth.

_Oh my...._ she thought. Her mind stopped for a moment. She felt compelled to turn the page once more, to see what was on the back of this mystical, magically moving photo from a future that even she hoped to one day see, but her hand trembled too much to control. She fought back happy sobs and wiped away escaping tears, finally sighing away her romantic relief to the final page. It was a wedding license with Lum holding Ataru, both of them looking angry and resilient, with all of Ataru's information in a utter protest.

Under name, where Lum had written hers in English letters, Ataru just wrote a big scribble mark.

Under Details of First meeting, Lum gave the entire story, in Oni, while Ataru wrote _No way! This isn't happening! NEVER!!!_ The rest of the paper was marred outside the lines by her alien argument and his outright protest. Even the names were scratched with refusal and part of it was burnt and cracked where one obviously clutched it after producing or, more likely, receiving an electric shock. And with that Ran's mood was back to cynical and dry. She closed the book, sighed and retrieved all that she had dumped out to be placed back into the safe. She neatly stacked the money once more and sealed it back up in the bags she found them in.

_Regardless what I do_ Ran thought, _there'll be no greater defeat for them than the one they bring upon themselves....I can't do anything at all!_ Ran bit her lip and let tears stream down her face. _I can't do anything at allllll!!!!_ Her internal whining brought something to her attention. She noticed all the dolls she had hidden around the room. Certainly that cheap box wouldn't hold out even to their collective blast, as neither would Lum or Ataru, so she gathered them up, one by one, _all but one_, and placed them back in her basket. With the safebox back in its hiding place and the room restored to normal, still thick with the smell of fresh cleaning, Ran sighed and walked out, leaving Ten alone with his friend once more to peer out the closet door.

"I think she's gone now" Ten said. Ponjaru hovered above him and lightly landed on his head. "What was she doing here, anyway?"

Ran left without a word, suited up and just disappeared into the street, a menacing evil on her face under the tinted visor. _Just one doll is enough!_ She thought with scathing hate in her mental voice. _Lum will be blasted through the wall! She'll be decimated, and Darling will have to carry on **without her! MUAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!**_

"**GAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!"** Her very loud, very audible laugh filled the empty street, just over the sound of asphalt baking the air and grass....


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Another Episode on Earth!! The Heat of Vengeance Rages!!!

* * *

The day continued to be unforgivingly hot, but there were still creatures who didn't mind it and stayed out in the sun to appreciate the benefits of super-nature. Kotatsuneko slumped his face happily onto a kotatsu he kept in Cherry's lot, enjoying the heat as it browned the grass and made hot-wind tubes out of the concrete cylinders lying around. Cherry's tent had been reinforced by the gracious donations of the recently Buddhist-convert Dappya-monsters to reflect most of the heat and light that battered down upon it. Still, within, the monk and a gathering of devout cats were enjoying the heat wearing only towels and fanning themselves.

"Nothing like a good old fashioned sweat lodge, eh?" Cherry said. The cats nodded in agreement. Even regular people were still managing to get out. Regular in Tomobiki terms, that is, such as the newest townie Gen Takamura, who walked around down under the guise of a Sumo wrestler, wearing only the traditional mawashi around his waist and groin. His short cropped hair was tied back into as much of a top-knot as it could be, and he walked down the street with heavy, tired stomps, his wooden geta sandals touching the asphalt with a hiss each time.

He sighed and wiped his brow with his thick forearm and groaned from the heat. It was ridiculous, this heat, but Gen managed to bear it as best he could. With what little money he had he couldn't afford any cooling, or even an apartment large enough to install the Neptunian wind-chime air-conditioners. All he had with him right now was a wooden fan to breeze his sweaty forehead and his Sumo wear, taken from his recent attempts to join the national organization.

He passed by the lot where he had known his great, destined adversary to be and looked into it. Past the heat and rolling steam he could see nothing. Upon thinking it over, however, even if he did see something he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. It was too hot to fight. It was too hot to even be out and about in the streets. No one would be so completely illogical as he just to go across town on some mild errand, but he was a stronger man than many, and he knew it. His determination to save his family, to persevere in spite of trying circumstances, was far greater than his want to give up and bake on the street. So, he stomped away, heading down the streets and turning the corners until he found his destination.

The Moroboshi household, a place of local lore and the spawning point for a myriad of detestable rumors. Demons, inter-dimensional anomalies, bizarre screams and flashing lights in the dead of night. All things strange in Tomobiki, strange and unwanted, originated here, including the infamous Ataru Moroboshi. Gen sighed and walked to the door. His errand was nearly complete. He just needed to see that one person to justify his trip across the harsh Tomobiki desert. He knocked on the door, very gently at first, then hit it a little harder.

"Who's there?" a woman called from inside. "If you're a reporter, we're taking all interviews in the side-yard, so just meet me there." She vanished at once from the door, leaving Gen with the quandary of whether to knock again, speak up or just go around the side. He decided on the last option and went around to the side. There he could simply explain who he was, why he was there, what brought him and how he could be helped. Gen appeared in the side-yard, saw the sliding doors of the house open up with a rolling cold steam pouring out, and suddenly he felt himself drop. A pitfall trap had been rigged and caught his leg. Gen caught his balance with a wild pumping of his arms, hopped away from the trap and stomped his foot to the ground. He was confused, primarily, but also determined now with a battle-aura charge to get through the other traps laying in wait for him.

"Oh, don't be shy" Mrs. Moroboshi called with a sinister elegance. "If you're here for an interview, I'm more than willing to talk. Just come right in, won't you?" Gen charged fearlessly, using all his Sumo skills thus far learned to push his way past the pitfalls, catch the swinging pots and pans and bat them away, until finally he made his way with both his legs intact and away from bear traps to the door. He opened it and entered to the empty room. He stepped on something under the tatami mat that seemed to click. Before he could grunt in surprise sufficiently, a **land-mine** exploded and blew him back into the yard and into a huge pit that he just barely fit into. Mrs. Moroboshi appeared standing over him in the light of the baking sky with a stylishly loose radiation suit and mask on.

"Eh!?" she called in surprise. "Why, you're not a reporter! You're....a Sumo wrestler? Sir, who are you?" And thus, with that invitation, Gen cleared his throat and began his pleading explanation...

Moments later he was inside, seated politely at a table in the cool, conditioned air, across from Mrs. Moroboshi who had prepared him a complimentary cup of tea.

"You poor man" she said, setting down her cup. "I'm sorry you had to come all this way only to get tossed around like that, but Ataru and Lum aren't even in, so I'm afraid I can't help you at all." Gen shook his head and caught her attention. He held up a hand and lowered all but his pinky finger, then pointed to it and drew a little circle in the air. Mrs. Moroboshi blinked in a thoughtful daze for a moment. "Ten? Him?" Gen nodded. "Oh, why, he's here. He couldn't go along due to some alien bylaws for alien residents of Earth. I'm not too sure on the details. I just know it's a bit absurd for a child to own and operate his own private space ship without being allowed to go one a heavily-armored one with adult supervision." Gen nodded and finished his tea. Then he stood up with a respectful bow.

"He's up in Ataru's room" she said, pointing him in the right direction. "You know where that is, right?" Gen nodded and went up the stairs to finish his errand. He knocked on the door and waited for Ten to open the door, thinking how difficult it may actually prove for an infant like him to turn a solid door knob. He was surprised when Ten managed to do it and greeted the giant Gen with a curious stare.

"Hi" he said politely. "How are you?" Gen bowed. He went on to finish his errand and moments later, with a fresh coat of super-strong sun-screen coating him, he left the house with Ten leading him in his air-conditioned ducky-shaped hover bike.

"I don't know why you didn't look here first" Ten said as he led him down the street. "I'm pretty sure he doesn't leave unless he has somewhere else to go..." Ten and Gen entered a cleared, grassy lot that was full of a foggy steam. Ten pressed a button on his console and his bike blew a strong gust that cleared the dust from the lot. The first sight to be seen was Cherry sitting on a rock in his fundoshi underwear fanning the fire under his already bubbling pot.

"Good day to you!" he shouted. Ten cried and turned away with a heave of disgust.

"I guess I was wrong!" Ten said. "He must be somewhere else!" Gen sighed and nodded. He turned from the lot, taking a double sight back and shivering in disgust as Cherry waved him farewell, and walked down the street once more.

"What a pitiable youth" Cherry said as he swirled the contents of his pot. "Oh well. He's not the most unfortunate man I've met." Cherry took a gaze up to the sky, hot and wavy from the two sun's incredible heat, and he sighed. "I pray for you, foolish youth! Namandabu..."

* * *

Gen and Ten walked down the Tomobiki School street. According to the little demon, this is the second most likely spot where Kotatsuneko would be. Either in the principal's office, hanging out, keeping tabs on the possessions left there over the break and making himself at home or with the Fujinami family, playing Shogi or Go or cards of some sort for fun. The first place they ventured to check would be the principal's office.

"Hang on" Ten said as he exited his pod in a hurry. "Hot! Hot! Hot!" He jumbled a tiny device in his hands and jammed it in the keyhole to the front doors of the school. Kotatsuneko would have a key, being the principal's trustee on nearly all school and non-school related matters, but he wasn't so irresponsible as to leave the door unlocked. Ten's device tumbled the locks and popped out into his hands. Ten quickly went back into his pod and sighed. "It's hot out there! You're a lot tougher than me, you know? I can't stand the heat like that!" Gen nodded in sympathy. They entered the school building and looked around, deciding where to go in the oven-heat interior of the building.

At the school store, which was properly sealed up to keep the cool in, Mr. Fujinami sat snoring in the corner of the room covered in a thin blanket **of snow.** He hadn't kept tabs on his wind-chime air-conditioners and they had replicated to surround the top of the walls in the main room. Drinks were kept out in the open to stay cool and food was preserved not through the tiny refrigerator but up on the shelves where they froze into solid blocks of ice next to the chilly breeze-makers. Nagisa wore a bundle of hand-knit scarves and sweaters and leg warmers over his dress to keep warm, ironically sporting Ryuunosuke's name on each hand-made knitting.

The freeze they brought on themselves out of their own idiocy had left their meager oven incapable of heating past the freezing cold of the room. Therefore, as it was more than possible at the moment, food that needed cooking or tea that needed heating was placed on the porch and retrieved later. Nagisa picked himself up and pushed through the soft blanket of powerdy snow and made his way to the door that led outside to the supply shed and the small yard. A bright whining light shone in as he opened the door and the snow was melted almost instantly to the warped floorboards. Nagisa bent down and retrieved a tray of steamy tea with his mittened hands and closed the door again with a clack of the lock. Mr. Fujinami shook his head and woke back up with a start. He jumped up and then sank back down with a shiver.

"Awake already, father?" Nagisa asked. Fujinami sat at the table and brushed the powder snow off while Nagisa placed a cup and a slightly charred plate of mackerel meat in front of him. He scratched his head and blinked down at the steamy food. His mouth instantly chapped over with chilling-cold drool. He voraciously tore at the fish and guzzled the tea, feeling his tongue get singed and grinned at it. His throat was burning and he loved it.

"Nicely done!" he said with a wheeze. He pushed together a ball of snow and chased the hot food with it to soothe his burning throat. "Ahhhh, that was a good lunch."

"That was dinner" Nagisa said. Mr. Fujinami fell silent and stared at the floor where he was positioned. The tears in his eyes froze over instantly and fell to the ground as tiny, bouncing pearls. Nagisa finished his meal, cleared the table, brushed it off and set down a nice, thin tablecloth.

"**GAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!**" he roared with animistic anger. He slammed his fists onto the table and creaked the entire floor around the table legs. "I can't believe we're so destitute that we can't even afford a clock! How pitiful are we?"

"Now, now, father" Nagisa pleaded, trying to maintain peace. "You've never been down about yourself before. Just be calm. Everything will work out! Just imagine the joy and the wonderful success that our family teashop will bring once we reopen it in better weather?"

"Ugh" he groaned. He slammed his forehead onto the table and continued groaning to himself. "What family? My son has left you a lone woman, without hope or notice of leave. A widower is what I've raised. Oh, where did I go wrong!?" He blubbered and looked up to the ceiling with clawing hands reaching for an unseen heaven. "Masako! Where has your son gone wrong!?"

"You can't blame Ryuunosuke" Nagisa said, standing to defend his absent fiancee from her own father. "I can understand the hardships of teashop life, but how long has Ryuunosuke been away from it? She's been going to school, distancing herself further and further from the craft she was born into, learning things out of her regular class. It's not her fault she got so confused. Anyone exposed to so many new ideas will be compelled to rebel and find out more so they can expand their already expanded opportunities."

"What are you saying?" he said, scrambling up to his feet as well. He slipped and fell into the table once, but thankfully it was reinforced with an icy freeze and didn't break or buckle under his weight. He got back up and wiped his bleeding nose with a cloth in a quick, manly way. "This school is what's made my son rebel against his father!?"

_That_ Nagisa thought, maintaining a concentrated and serious look on his face, _and the fact that **she's **your **daughter.** I can play along, but I know the truth. I'm not going to try and compromise out genders for the sake of a relationship that, frankly, seems to be breaking apart..._

"Yes!" Nagisa said, keeping his father-in-law-to-be as awake and enthusiastic as possible. "This school, and its people, and the classes, and maybe the teachers; they're all planting new ideas in Ryuunosuke's head, filling her with confusing new possibilities and pulling her away from a lifestyle that they don't understand! They think her natural way of life as a teashop server is wrong or poor, and they claim to want the best for her, but if that's so wouldn't they just listen to her heart and understand what she needs, rather than what _they_ want for her?"

"Hmmmm" Mr. Fujinami hummed. He cupped his chin with his fingers and moved his eyebrows in strangely practiced undulations. His thought train was only temporarily interuppted by the tapping at his 'house' door which Nagisa sprang to answer. He slid back the door and revealed, with a blast of baking heat to jam his throat shut in surprise, a giant Sumo wrestler man. Nagisa was at first compelled to challenge him, as it was within his fighting expertise, but shook it and the hot air off with a quick whipping of his neck.

"Hello" he greeted politely. "Can I help you?" Gen nodded and crouched down under the door to look inside. He saw neither hide nor tail of Kotatsuneko and retired his hopes of him being here as well. "Oh, are you looking for someone?" Ten floated down and interpreted Gen's disappointed slouch.

"He's looking for Kotatsuneko" Ten said. "You know, the big white ghost cat."

"Oh" Nagisa growled with a huff. "Him...." His voice had become suddenly, almost unexpectedly masculine and defensive. "That thing, he hasn't come by here in a long time, actually. He and I, since I'm half-ghost, get into fights regularly, but even though I'm very strong physically I still lose to him all the time!" Gen took in a strong breath of air through his nostrils and blew it back out his mouth with a groaning sigh. "I see" Nagisa said, understanding the subtle simplicity of Gen's mannerisms. "You have a grudge against him as well? Well, I can tell you, from what father tells me, who he's been hanging out with more frequently. A newcomer to their weekly card games, a richer man with plain style of dress, very traditional, and a simple, easily distinguishable face. Yet, when he's more angry, father always describes him as 'a scarecrow son of a', well, you get it."

"Scarecrow?" Ten said. He thought for a moment of who looked like a scarecrow, thinking of a scarecrow pitcure he'd often seen before. He took the face, with simple phonetic characters making up its features, and placed them on the body of a plain-dressed, rich man. "Aha! Tobimaro's dad! Kotatsuneko must have gone there!" Gen tilted his head, communicating confusion. "He's the head of a huge compound, almost as big and rich as Mendo's so he should be easy to find! But walking there might be a problem...no cars are running either because of the heat. What should we do."

"I can take you" Nagisa said. "Don't think I'm not strong just because of how I look. I've won yokozuna status in over a hundred beach Sumo wrestling competitions! I'm a man among men in terms of power! If you're looking to fight that cat ghost, I'll deliver you to him in no time with my rickshaw cart!"

"We have one of those?" Mr. Fujinami asked, breaking away from his previous train of thought entirely and forgetting the matter in itself. "More importantly, close the door! You're letting our free cool out!" Gen smiled. Fortune was smiling upon him this day, despite how it seemed to spit and sneer at all the rest of the world. He hoped, deep down in his powerful chest, that today he would get to end his fateful conflict with the ghost cat and win forgiveness to his ancestors.

* * *

At the Mizunokoji compound, a place far off and away from humble Tomobiki, young and beautiful Asuka sat in her private study cooing curiously at a chalkboard. A woman, marked explicitly as 'woman' and a man, also marked as such, were drawn holding hands and smiling happily. Asuka finally looked up at her tutor, a woman with frizzy red hair mussed and messed from the intense heat, impatiently tapped her finger against her crossed arm. Asuka hummed and tilted her head, deep in thought and consideration.

"I don't know" Asuka finally said, returning her head to normal. "Pass." The tutor pinched the bridge of her nose angrily.

"Fine" she said. She turned to erase the drawings on the board while her assistant came in from the side and took up a piece of chalk, ready to draw what she dictated. "Draw something pertaining to, uh, marriage." Kotatsuneko saluted and began drawing the first thing that came to his mind. He had come for an ad for a tutor's aide he saw in the paper one morning and made it a regular employment ever since the Earth began roasting in its double-sun heat. It was the only way for him to get Taiyaki in the unbearable heat as all the street stands and vendors were closed for health reasons and only the industrious, scrupulous Dappya-monsters sold his covetous treats now. Not only that, but he was a sufficient artist, honed from the practice of writing his speeches on boards to talk for so long.

"Oh, I know about that" Asuka said, catching her scornful tutor's attention. "Marriage is when you live your life with someone you love, and it's the only official way you can have children as well."

"Yes, that's been said" the tutor said while the cat-ghost drew, "but in all honesty marriage is a dying institution. What little can be done to preserve it is going undone, and people marry for money or for status or for things other than love and procreation. Even with love, a couple may remains childless for more complicated reasons."

"Like what?" Asuka asked. The tutor was about to go on a tangent on biological inabilities, but then recalled the scolding about her mistress' innocence from her mother earlier.

_Can't say anything wrong_ she thought with panic. _One wrong slip of tongue and she'll scream and shout and tear this place apart! Then she'll get sunburned or collapse from heat exhaustion and I'll be executed for endangering her health! I have to be calm and complacent in this matter, even though I'm an expert on it. This girl isn't ready for any kind of -ology pertaining to that region of the body...._ She suddenly became very bubbly and cheerful as she turned around to explain.

"Well" she began, "some couples marry for love, but they find that they aren't truly _in_ love, and only married couples who are truly, deeply in love can ever have children. Does that answer your question, Miss Asuka?"

"Um, I suppose" Asuka said. Kotatsuneko stepped away from the board and revealed his picture. Two figures, one a man and the other a woman, made to look like Asuka on a whim, with very distinctly pointed-out wedding bands around their fingers and a flowery arch over their heads. The tutor observed it in wonder for the detail in the color selection, especially due to the fact that she only had white chalk to give. Kotatsuneko just stood firmly, awaiting his next order and eying a box across the room.

"Ahem" the tutor cleared her throat and turned back to the board. "Now, let us explore the deeper facets and attributes found in marriage as a whole..." But while she talked her single, only pupil did not listen. Not out of arrogance or strife or sheer disrespect. Asuka was a good girl, though misguided. She instead drifted off into a blissful little dreamland where she was married to her love, Big Brother Mendo. They lived in a mansion much like hers and dressed just like her parents did. They sat at a table together, she poured her tea and he drank it with a wistful sigh.

"My dear, dear Asuka" he said, "this tea is exquisite! It is as if the Gods of Heaven had blessed your hands from your birth to carve this delicate, amazing bled, a truly euphoric experience!"

"Thank you, master Mendo" she said with a gracious bow.

"Please" he said, "drink with me, my wife."

"Of course" she said, "Big Brother." They toasted and drank. Then they were on a boat, being paddled out by ungendered servants, she under an umbrella held by a waiting woman and he shaded against the bow and showered by the falling sakura petals. Then they walked leisurely across the grounds hand-in-hand, fed their deer from their forest, lifted oil tankers in their underground gym facility together, and finally they retired to their bedroom. Asuka snuggled close to Shutaro under their covers and hugged him tightly, without breaking him or hurting him at all. He embraced her back and then drew away to gaze longingly into her eyes.

"Asuka" he whispered.

"Yes, Big Brother?" she whispered back. He suddenly stood, his sleeping robe billowing in the salty wind, and stood at the edge of a cliff with her in his arms, holding her dear in his powerful chest as a wave crashed up and sprayed them with the salt of the sea from below.

"Are we truly, deeply in love?" he asked. Asuka looked into his eyes with her glistening, starry, loving gaze, then looked away to the side.

"I don't know" she cutely admitted with a squirm. "Are we? Do you love me? I love you."

"We are!" Shutaro said, sweeping her up to her feet. "We are, my dear, I know. Now, let us have children!" And with a sweep of his powerful arm, they were blessed with children. Just like that. Spontaneous family. And she bought it, for it was her mind to imagine what she liked, and nothing was wrong as long as she didn't know it was!

"Asuka?" her tutor called. Asuka was resting her head in her arms and softly breathing in sleep. "Miss Asuka, it is unladylike to sleep when someone is trying to talk to you!" She slammed her hand on the table, but Asuka shifted her weight and rolled onto the floor. The tutor sighed and rubbed her tender temples with sever agitation. "This girl isn't worth _anyone's _effort!" Kotatsuneko nodded half-attentively. His ears perked up to some spiritual disturbance and his fur bristled up from his toes to the top of his head. Something phantasmal was coming his way. With a bang and clatter of wood, a hole suddenly appeared in a wall and an empty rickshaw settled from the dust. The cart spun around on its wheels and its puller, Nagisa, stomped his feet to the ground to stop it.

"Haha!" he laughed with a thick layer of profuse sweat covering his face. "Remember me, cat-man? You may have beaten me before, but I've brought a friend to avenge me this time! I hope you're prepared for a true battle...that you won't...get to walk away from....." Nagisa collapsed. The heatstroke combined with the intense activity of pulling a man as heavy as Gen all the way to the Mizunokoji manor had drained him of all his posthumous, spectral energy. Gen stepped down from the rickshaw with a beaming glare of determination and power. Kotatsuneko reeled back at the sight of him and tried to carefully step away. He wasn't in for a fight, totally unguarded and unprepared, yet here came this troublesome man to drag him across the country to heal the descendants of his heel masters that left him in the cold to die. A struggle of will ensued, and with a crashing of feet against the solid, hardwood floor, a grappling battle began!

Gen versus Kotatsuneko, a mean mountain of muscle against the cursed kami himself, the great ghostly cat Kotatsuneko! Ten watched from within the rickshaw, still sitting in his hovering duck-shaped ship while the tutor ran around in a wordless panic and Asuka slept. The camera feed from the room, used to regulate Asuka's whereabouts in the compound and her teacher's level of effectiveness, was casually ignored by the girl sitting in the security monitor room as she read a magazine instead. And thus the day finally ended with two gargantuan of might and willpower wrestling and pressing their way across the entire Mizunokoji estate in the dead of night. The temperature was as hot as a regular day and the moon shined so bright that the cicadas awoke and chirped at it foolishly.

Finally, after most of the staff had retired for the evening and left the isolated incident of a Sumo wrestler fighting a giant cat to resolve itself, Asuka stirred and stretched before curling up and drifting back into her twilight world of dreams and waking.

"Mmmm, stop, Big Brother" she moaned. "That tickles....I'm ticklish there...." She smiled and rolled over, letting her leg limply swing into and through the wooden floor. Just who she was thinking about, who can say?


	34. Chapter 34

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Back to Space! Lum and her Darling, Fighting Again...

* * *

Out in space, just within Mercury's orbit, the gargantuan Fukujinn ship propelled its way towards the double suns. The smaller one was within the optimal position, the range was closing and all the crew was active on deck. In the captain's chair, operating with sleepless bags in his eyes, was Tobimaro filling in for all the other captains who had gone to sleep without official notice yesterday, leaving him the default leader. He stayed awake through a nervous tension brought about by actively thinking of his sister on Earth and her rib-shattering hugs.

"Captain Mizunokoji, sir" a black-shaded guard reported. Tobimaro's eyes darted to the side of his wide eyes and shook. "We're getting strange signals from the other side of the sun. Our transmitters are unable to decode it all but it seems-"

"Blast it" Tobimaro groaned.

"...sir?" the guard asked. Tobimaro smashed his fist into the metal arm of the chair and began roaring.

"**RIGHT OUT OF THE PARK! HOME RUN OR BUST! BLAST THE BALL! BLAST IIIIIT!!!!!!"**

"Containment unit" the guard hailed on a walkie-talkie. Ten men and women came into the bridge room, ran up the steps and subdued the mad Tobimaro in heavy metal restraints.

"AH!" he shouted. "Asuka, unhand me! You're gentle-grip is hurting my skin!!!"

"Get him some rest" the guard said "and some heavy medication. Send for another captain immediately."

"Sure, sure" the guards called as they carried Tobimaro away. He continued screaming in squeals of resist as he was jumpily bounced in the hands of the rushing crowd. As they ran through the halls his exhaustion knocked him out and he was snoring right past Lum's room. Within Lum was sleeping in anti-gravity, the control on her wall turned all the way to zero, up against the ceiling. She had a gleaming, starlight smile as she floated in the waving nebula of her spacy green hair. She tossed herself out of her fetal curl and stretched her arms and legs out with a happy groan. Then she floated back down to the floor and gently landed on the balls of her feet with her hands combing through her hair from behind her neck.

"Good morning...." she whispered. She jumped over to the wall and returned gravity to normal. An alarm activated the lights of her room and filled the interior cabin with brightness. Compared to the bunk quarters of most of the crew, Lum's room was spacious and well furnished with a Queen-size bed, dresser, vanity and its own private shower room. One of the officer quarters which she had been lucky enough to find and claim last night. She sighed and walked to her shower, undressing as the door slid to a close and locked behind her...

Meanwhile Ryuunosuke and Benten, bunking together in the other officer quarters, awoke with each other's feet in their faces. Somehow, despite sleeping across the room from each other, with the bed folded up into the wall out of regular Fukujinn warrior habit, they had restlessly crawled their way to each other and fought in their sleep. They both pushed each other away and woke up fighting. Ryuunosuke got to her feet and made a running punt to Benten's shoulder as she crawled on her hands to get up with a groan. She hit the side of the wall where the bed was folded and accidentally unfolded it. She tucked herself into a ball with a shriek and let the bed collapse overtop of her. Ryuunosuke jumped back and just barely avoided having the hard metal support of the bed slam onto her feet.

"Whoops" she said. She stood for a moment and pondered the fate of her friend. She quickly took the bed by the handles on its underside edges and threw it back into the wall. Benten was waiting for her and pushed herself up with a double-foot kick to Ryuunosuke's chin.

"Fool!" Benten said as she rolled back onto a knee. "The space under the bed is hollow! The metal sides are elevated up so you can store crap under the bed when it's up or down!" Ryuunosuke stumbled back against the wall and held her chin in dizzy pain.

"That's handy" she said. She shook her head to regain her balance and rushed at Benten with swinging fists. Benten blocked her attacks and came back in full with her own powerful swings. After they were done fighting with no reason, they had an arm-wrestling match to decide who got the first shower. Ryuunosuke was on the verge of winning when Benten kicked the table at her, ran into the shower room and threw her metal breastplate at her just as the door closed.

"CHEAP SHOT!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "Fine! I'll go use the commune shower!" Ryuunosuke huffed and shook her bangs with a rough jerk of her neck and went on her way to the female crew showers. As the Fukujinn let only the strong on their ships they didn't discriminate gender. Therefore there were two showers: Female for only women and Mixed for shameless women and men to shower together as equals. Ryuunosuke paused with her toiletries in a basket held in her arms at the decision and decided, upon seeing the men exiting the shower with their black shades and their jovial grins, that she wasn't that shameless and she went right into the crowded girl's shower with a sigh.

Shutaro stayed asleep in the main captain's room, sprawled out on a huge bed, sleeping with the lights still on. His comfort hadn't waned at all from the hangar bedroom or royal suite of his home. He was sleeping in just as much an unwakable trance as he had even been in, but now in the morning his alarms were set to wake him up through the ship's own wiring. The lights turned off and his covers constricted around him, immobilizing him in a claustrophobic prison hold. Shutaro's dreams suddenly took a steep decline in pleasantry. What was a magical carpet ride between he, the prince of Arabia, and Lum, who went unchanged in his visions, now became the painful memory of his last abysmal affair of a date with Asuka that ended in his hospitalization. Only this time there wasn't just one destructively strong girl, there were **five, hugging and coddling him to death.**

"GAAAAAHHHH!!!!" he shouted, using his frightened strength to tear through the thick, hard comforter covers of the Fukujin bed. "It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared! AAAHHH!!" He began staggering and swinging around randomly in the darkness, crashing into all manner of things while he desperately palmed at the walls for a switch, screaming himself hoarse the whole time. The door to his room silently slid open just enough for a hand to reach in and flick on the lights with a press of the wall-mounted button. Shutaro stood in the middle of the room with a vase from a conquered land over his head, surrounded by broken pottery, scenery and important items he had inventoried before going to bed. He set the vase down carefully next to him and cleared his throat.

"How embarrassing" he said, wiping his cold-sweated face with his palm. "A man of my status reduced to a whimpering maniac....I must make a note to replace as much of this delicate artwork as I can with the monetary equivalents available on Earth when we return..." Shutaro moved across the room, towards his dresser to prepare his captain's suit for another day's proper use, when the same hand snaked its way into the room and shut the lights back off.

"GAAAAHHH!!!" Shutaro shrieked. "SOMEONE HELP! IT'S DARK!!!" The hand left the room and the door shut with it. Ataru, the villain that he was, leaned against the closed door with a pleased giggle on his face and listened to the continuous destruction within. He was the only man who didn't heed anyone's warnings about the dangers of spontaneous decompression and the frigid coldness of space should it leak in, and was the only man of the crew who wore his boxers and undershirt to sleep and upon waking.

"Well" Ataru said, beginning his pace away, "with that chore out of the way, I guess I'd better get my teeth brushed and nab some quick breakfast..." Ataru walked off through the halls, one hand scratching his head and the other rubbing his lower back.

* * *

Ryuunosuke was the first of the crew to be legitimately ready for duty. She was dressed in her proper captain's attire, a sleek woman's uniform of spandex and padded, insulated armoring across her chest and her hips to keep her warm. Her shower had refreshed her body and mind and the fleeting cheapness of Benten's earlier tactics had been forgotten already. That was until she saw the line of ogling, anxious men pushing their way to get into the shower room.

"What's this about?" Ryuunosuke asked. "Did some girl actually go in there or something?"

"Not just any girl!" an excited guard said. "It's Benten!"

"She's so brash!" another guard exclaimed.

"And hot!" one added.

"Yeah, hot!" someone called. Ryuunosuke's face was flushed with anger and rage. She felt something brush against her shoulder and darted her head over to it, then up above her where Lum was hovering just overhead, dressed in her tiger-stripe uniform and carrying a fluttery, light scarf. She turned in the air, over the mass of men, and waved to Ryuunosuke.

"Morning!" she chirped. Ryuunosuke waved back hesitantly.

"Hey" she greeted. "What's up? Are you seriously going in there...to shower?"

"No" Lum said. The entire male company groaned in disappointment, loudly and clearly. "I'm trying to find Darling, and since I don't know where he went to sleep last night I don't know which room he was in."

"He wasn't in yours?" Ryuunosuke asked. Now a curious grunt and hushed murmuring swept through the crowd. Lum shot the men a look and they all hushed up, then she turned to Ryuunosuke and giggled.

"Darling's not that brave yet" Lum said. "We've slept in the same bed together more than once, but he didn't just do it out of spontaneity. I had to goad him an unbelievable amount, and once blackmail him, so he would do it."

"Such a good guy he is, eh?" Ryuunosuke said jokingly. Lum shrugged and smiled, proceeding above the crowd and the apparent roadblock of vicinity that Benten was putting up. Lum landed right beside her friend, who was busy brushing her teeth in less revealing metal armor that covered her hips and breasts completely, like football shoulder pads and broad, metal panties with black spandex shorts running down to her knees. Lum looked all over her flare-red suit and grinned skeptically at it. Benten turned to her with a mouth full of foam and blinked.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Why wear the shorts?" Lum asked. "You're in here. Isn't the point to wear less?"

"I've got spandex on under the armor" she said. "This stuff has a tendency to get uncomfortably stiff and cold without something between the skin."

"I see" Lum said. "Where's Darling?"

"Why would I know?" Benten asked. Suddenly a chill crept up her back and the showers echoed with a trademarked, perverted giggle. "He's here" she said in a cautious low. "I....can _feel_ him."

"So can I" Lum said, her eyes sparkling in the direction of the shower. Ataru walked out from the steam with a towel around his waist and a steamy mist around his body. He took one look at the row of sinks and froze up in shock. His first movement upon recovery was a quick jump back and a clutch to keep his towel secure around his waist.

"L-Lum!?" he shouted. "What're you doing in here!?"

"Darling!" Lum called. She flew over and gave him a hug.

"GAH! Stop!" Ataru demanded. "Wait for me to get dressed, alright!?" Lum detached herself, hands folded behind her, tilted her head and smiled to him sweetly. Ataru looked at her blankly, then looked at the yellow silk scarf she had managed to loop around his neck during her hug. He took it in both hands and looked it over suspiciously.

"Like it?" she said hopefully.

"Yeah" Ataru said, throwing it around his back and posing with his arms crossed. "Makes me feel like I belong on a battleship, you know? It's got a....Rider feeling to it."

"YAY!" Lum cheered as she flew straight up into the ceiling. She floated in a swagger back down to the floor and crouched over her knees holding her head and biting her lip. Ataru walked over and patted her on the back.

"You've never been that legitimately excited over me before, have you?" Ataru said.

"You never let me" Lum whined. Ataru just chuckled to himself and walked by her for the sink. He was a few sinks away from Benten when he started brushing his teeth, but with his masterful grace of moving through space and time, Ataru managed to get right next to her and send a dark chill up her spine with his presence. He spat into the sink and turned to her, spitting again and feigning total surprise to see her.

"Benten!" he exclaimed. "I didn't think you'd be so bold to come into the _men's_ shower room! Ah, you're the perfect girl! C'mere!" He lurched forward with open arms, his face going right into her iron-hard fist. Lum was still wracked in pain but rose up in frustration, still rubbing her head. Ataru hopped away on one foot and waited for his face to unswell before moving back in. Benten turned and spat at him with such high pressure that he was stopped in his locomotive rush and stumbled back again.

_I'm running out of attacks_ Benten thought. _Thankfully I'm prepared for a full-frontal defense. Even if he tries to grope me, this armor is locked and latched and a mere human like him, regardless of what strength his libido grants him, won't be able to pry it off! And best of all, it's non-conductive, so when Lum recovers and shocks him I won't get hit!_ Ataru looked over her armor while she was thinking and approached her. She just squared herself up with him and placed her fists at her waist.

"You see anything appealing, Moroboshi?" she asked. Ataru tapped his chin with a finger and dumbly reached to a hip joint on her armor. He twisted something on one side, popped a latch open on the other and then knocked into the lower plate. It fell right off and hit her feet with a stunning pain. She was stunned just long enough for Ataru to circle around and goose her buttocks. That's when Lum recovered and stomped her foot into the wet floor. All the men jumped. Benten jumped as well, knowing well that her spandex weren't non-conducive, and a super-charged anger jolt blasted through the entire room, expanding on the water that coated every tile and wall.

"**DAAAARLIIIIING!!!!!**" she bellowed in rage. Once the smoke had cleared Lum walked in a rage, still crackling from her hair, and picked Ataru up off the ground. He was just one big smoldering mass of char until she shook him up. Ataru woke himself up, one of his eyes still full of stars, and looked at his ash-charred flesh.

"Ahhh!" he sighed in exasperation. "Now I've gotta take another shower!"

"I'm glad you're so concerned with dirt" Lum said, "because I think you're **SCUM!**" She threw him against a sink and proceeded to stomp on his foot. She was still floating slightly, so it didn't hurt so much, but it still made Ataru wince. "But then, there are some things that water just can't clean, are there?"

* * *

"Owwwww" Benten groaned. She climbed her way up from the floor with her heavy shoulder pads weighing her down and leaned against the sink, coughing out smoke. "Man, you gotta watch those random charges, Lum. I'm not used to them....and neither are they." The entire crowd of men who were still in towels with their feet on the wet tile floor had been incapacitated and was sizzling from the flash of painful frying heat.

"Did you forget already?" Lum demanded. "Did you forget what you said last night? Did you forget how much you love me, **damn you!?**"

"What!?" Ataru demanded. He suddenly forced himself into her and she retreated from him as his eyes flared up to meet her white-hot anger. "I never said that! Not directly!"

"Did it have to be direct" Lum said, sneering from the side of her face "for it to be true?" Ataru scoffed and turned his head from her with a haughty defiance. Lum straightened up and yanked the scarf, slightly burned, from his neck and looked it over. She clutched it tight in her hands and sighed. "This was so hard to come by, you know. I had to bring a sub-space portable portal with me to get it on time!" Ataru's eyes suddenly opened and he turned his head to her again.

"You _ordered_ that for me?" Ataru said. Lum glowered at him, meeting his eyes and shooting sparks between them. Literally. Ataru winced with a far back lean when he saw the electric spark snap at him so suddenly. Lum sighed.

"Can you blame me?" Lum said. "You always managed to lose, regift, or incinerate anything I make for you on a whim. I just....didn't want my hard work to go to waste anymore." Ataru blinked.

"I'm a waste?" he asked, pointing up to his face. Lum got flustered.

"Don't play word-games with me!" she shouted. All this continued while Benten was making a silent, stealthy retreat. Ryuunosuke was watching the entire thing from outside the showers, tossing a bar of soap in her hand, witnessing the lovers quarrel and taking mental notes. Benten rose a finger to her mouth and begged her to stay silent so she wouldn't be noticed. Ryuunosuke gripped the wet bar in her hand and shot out a wicked sneer. Benten stopped with a look of dread.

_This is for this morning!_ Ryuunosuke thought in a heroic bellow. A fire of revenge flared in her eyes as she wound up a fast-ball pitch. Benten looked around for a moment in indecision, freezing just long enough for Ryuunosuke to toss the soap right under her raised heel and force her head with drastic speed to the floor. Benten was knocked out, her head surrounded by cracks in tiles and her eyes in a circular daze. Ryuunosuke pumped her arms in victory, brushed her thumb across her nose and walked off down the hall to the bridge.

"You know exactly what I mean" Lum said, leaning in to force Ataru to retreat once more against the sink. "You always do something foolish and ruin all my hard work. I make you all sorts of things out of love and the only appreciation I get is that you don't throw it away as soon as my back's turned!"

"I'm not angry over you buying me gifts" Ataru said. "If it saves you time that's better spent, then good! I'm mad that you think I'm a waste. More over, I'm mad that you're trying to shade such an obvious lie behind your anger just to make me feel bad! If I were a waste you wouldn't be around me at all!" Lum withdrew. She recoiled in an instant but not before Ataru delivered one final blow as he leaned in. "More over, I'm _really_ mad because, out of everyone in the universe who _does_ think I'm a waste, I thought you were the one person who would believe in me for who I am! Isn't _that_ what _you_ said last night!?" Lum was stunned. Ataru's counter was so powerful, so moving, so rapid that she couldn't recover. In the boxing ring of their lover's spat, Lum's mouthpiece had been bloodied, but she was still up and able to fight.

"I don't" she said, choked for a second by tears. She growled them away and shook her tears from her eyes, through when she angrily opened them Ataru's way he could still see the wetness from the tears she couldn't muscle away. "I love you, Darling! I hate seeing you do these foolish, stupid things, because it makes all those people _**right!**_ But I know better, I know you more than they do! You're not that way, you really aren't! I still don't know why you do it and I want you to stop, but don't ever think that I think the same way as everyone else! I don't! I love you, but when you do this....I....you...." Lum fell into defeat. She dropped the scarf and buried her sobs into her hands. Ataru was completely stunned. Her crying was the uppercut that knocked him to the floor and dislodged the teeth his mouthpiece failed to guard.

Ataru caught Lum as she fell forward, bracing her shoulders with his reassuring hands. Lum looked up from her cupping hands and was pushed into Ataru's chest. He was moved, irrevocably shedding tears and holding her close.

"Darling" she hushed. He pushed her away and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Lum" he began in all romantic seriousness, "I understand everything that you've said and, well, I can't help but say thank you for being so patient and determined with me. I'm not even that certain of myself most of the time. I know I'm prone to messing up around you and flirting constantly without particular purpose aside from old undying habits, but I really do care about you and how you think of me."

"Darling...." she sighed.

"Plus" Ataru added "I already know how your butt feels. It's just a good idea for me to expand my general knowledge, right?" She slapped him. No lead up scowl or warning at all, just a sudden violent reaction. Ataru was chuckling and grinning in his goofy, flippant way while Lum sighed herself a shaky breath and calmed herself down.

"As mad as I get at you" she said "I can't stay mad."

"That's why we work so well together, right?" Ataru said.

"You know" Lum said, looking up at him in concern, "one of us is going to develop heart problems over the other if we keep going like this."

"Ah, don't be ridiculous" Ataru said, shying away from her. "Besides, with all the crap I'm forced to deal with in my life, it's probably going to me before you."

"If it's you" Lum said with a smile "I can just zap you back to life!"

"It doesn't quite work that way" Ataru said with a flat face. They looked at each other for a moment and, despite what protests he had put up earlier, they kissed quickly and parted.

"I'm sorry for shocking you so bad" Lum said with a timid look-away. "I...flipped out. I went to bed in such a good mood from out talk last night that I wasn't emotionally prepared waking up to, you know, the average."

"On a level of my behavior" Ataru said "I'd admit that I was a bit....uh..."

"Outlandish?" Lum suggested.

"That sounds extreme" Ataru said. "I was above my average in bad behavior."

"Well, you're a track-record deviant" she said with a titter.

"I'm sorry too" Ataru said. "Of all the things to do, what I did shouldn't have been done in front of you, especially when you were feeling so good at the time. Poor timing, placement, not enough thinking about things ahead of time." Lum nodded in agreement and Ataru stopped his boyish laughter. He didn't expect, or want him, to agree with her on such insulting points. "Well, yeah. I'll be sure to consider my actions a little more next time."

"That's all I can hope for" Lum said. "Still, I want to know, even though I was withing zapping distance of you, why _did_ you do that so suddenly?"

"Blame Benten" Ataru said sternly. Lum stared at him with wide, shocked eyes, in total disbelief over his passing the blame for justified injury over to a _girl_. "She was wearing all that armor to challenge me! I know she was! Plus, she punched me _and_ spat in my face. Either or would have been fine, but both is painful, even to me, so I just had to show her up."

"Oh, Darling" Lum teased. "That's what Ryuunosuke is here for."

"Yeah, I guess" Ataru said, averting his glance. Lum snaked their arms together and smiled at him. He grinned back and awkwardly grabbed his towel to tighten it around his waist once more. "Uh, can I get dressed before you latch onto me?"

"Oh!" Lum gasped. She floated away in embarrassment and waved to him as she exited the sower room, right past the stack of groaning, mixed-up bodies that smoldered freshly in electric heat. Shutaro saw her pass, analyzed her face and composure at a glance and found Benten lying unconscious on the floor, all while he listened to the distant echo of Ataru's laughter in the shower room. He groaned.

"Healthy fights make healthy relationships....." he said. "Fie! Only a low-born fool would believe that garbage..." Shutaro straightened his collar and walked off, down the hall towards the bridge to take command if he could...


	35. Chapter 35

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Great Mission is Stopped! An Surprise Behind the Suns!?

* * *

The captain's seat was resumed by Ryuunosuke, the only competent member of the captain's crew who was awake and ready to assume the responsibilities. She sat for a while alone and bored, monitoring the minor conditions that affected their travel, leaning into the metal throne seat at the top of the bridge. A technician came up to her with a printed report and handed it over with a salute and then fell back to his post. Ryuunosuke skimmed over the report a few times before placing it on the arm of her seat with a hard press.

_An encrypted transmission?_ She thought. _Why didn't we try to intercept it? What was Tobimaro thinking?_

Tobimaro, of course, was still asleep and dreaming about baseball in the infirmary. Ataru and Lum entered the bridge together, walking side-by-side up the stairs to take the first free positions they could on the second-level of terminals and panels. They seated themselves nonchalantly apart from each other and started working. Ataru's screen lit up with a background of red and a scrolling of black holographic text. Of course, he couldn't read it at all, despite his minor understanding of Fukujin.

"Hey Ryuu-chan" he said, "I've got something here."

"What is it?" Ryuunosuke asked, hopping from her seat to his station. "Is it a transmission? A warning?" She watched the text scroll across the screen and her face fell in hopelessness. "Oni?" she said. "Lum! Over here!" Lum flew over and leaned over Ataru's other shoulder to watch the text.

"What's this?" she asked.

"It's in Oni text" Ryuunosuke said. "I can't read it. What's it say?" Lum pushed Ataru out of his seat and sat down to scan it over as it scrolled. As she read every screen on the bridge began lighting up red, one at a time, with unreadable scrolling text. The bridge was soon abuzz with a clamorous panic which Ryuunosuke moved to quell.

"Calm down!" she shouted. "We're working on it! Sit down and get back to work! That's an order!"

"We can't!" a girl shouted.

"It's blocking the screens from working" a man called. "We're frozen up!"

"We've red-screened! Dappya!" a Dappya-technician hollered. Ryuunosuke clenched her fist and moved back to Lum.

"How's it going?" she asked. "Did you decipher it yet?" Lum's mouth was open and her eyes were twitching in horror. She had read the message several times already and yet the symbols still scrolled in her eyes as she was frozen solid with her face to the screen. Ataru poked her head and she fell from the chair and spun in mid-air.

"Lum?" he asked. He grabbed her and aimed her eyes at his face to try and snap her out of it. "Lum!? Wake up!" Lum blinked and grabbed his face with tears forming in her big, quivering eyes. She gave him a hug and fought of her sobs by burying her face in his shoulder.

"I...It....." she stuttered. Ryuunosuke leaned in to listen. Lum suddenly pushed Ataru away with all her strength and fear and clutched the sides of her head as she roared out across all the bridge "It's a declaration of war! **We're UNDER ATTACK!!!**"

"What!?" Ryuunosuke exclaimed. Suddenly the emergency klaxons blared. Lum looked up to them with fear. Ryuunosuke rushed back to her seat and leaped into it. The huge front display of the bridge was alight with the view of outer space. It was centered on the outer edge of the smaller sun with the light of the solar flare dimmed down through the dark filters. Just beyond it was the tracked motion of some far-distant object. The camera zoomed in three times before the whole of the object was revealed. **A Fukujin Warship**, one of the same caliber, strength and size of the one Ryuunosuke had effectively pilfered from a rich war investor's lot of well-built warships up for purchase by the Imperial Fukujin Navy. This cruiser was equipped for battle, a heavy and high-stakes fight to reclaim the stolen masterpiece craft.

Ryuunosuke engaged a two-way communication between the ships and waited for a reply. A plump man with huge ears, a thin mustache and pointed beard on his wide face. He appeared on screen with his teeth grit in a scowl and his eyes glaring rage. He pumped his arms in anger and reddened his face with fury.

"WHO ARE YOU!?" he demanded in a desperate squeal. "Why have you stolen my ship!?"

"Who're you?" Ryuunosuke asked bluntly.

"Hmmmmmmph!" the man groaned angrily. "What gall you have! To steal a ship from me and never even learn my name! I am **Daikokuten, The Wealth God of the Seven Lucky God Houses!!!** I am the richest warlord of the entire Fukijin royal military! You're thievery of my first-class cruiser is an official declaration of malicious intent against the Fukujin royalty! If you do not abandon your ship and surrender your crew to us, we will be force to engage you in battle!"

"Tough" Ryuunosuke said, her voice stern, deep and unflinching.

"EEEEHHHH!!!???" the crew shouted out in shock.

"I think we should just give up" Ataru said. "His ship seems better, somehow." Ryuunosuke elbowed him away and stood up.

"We're here on an urgent mission" Ryuunosuke explained "to save the environment of a nearby planet, Earth! We can't leave this quadrant with this ship until we've completed out objective, so if you're just willing to wait for a few more hours-"

"NO!" Daiten raged. "I think not! We haven't hunted you down from the furthest arms of the galaxy for nothing! We're either taking that ship back or blasting you out of space with it!" The communication was cut, leaving the crew to loudly whisper in a panicked hush over their fate in Ryuunosuke's hands. She took in their critical panic with a sturdy stance before her chair. Lum helped Ataru up from an unintentionally hard elbow to the face and gripped him tight.

"What do we do?" Lum asked.

"We can't abandon our mission!" Ataru said with steadfast determination. "Are we in range to use the gravity pump?"

"No!" a technician shouted up from the lower floor. "We're still too far away! It will take at least ten minutes of travel to enter the proper range of the sun's tidal fields. Even then, if our position and coordinates are off by even a little, we'll have to reset the settings of the pump and waste precious time and energy repositioning the ship in a high-density gravity field!"

"Well none of that sounds good" Ataru said. He turned to Ryuunosuke with a look of duty. The look of a commander, of a soldier, of a man that Ryuunosuke had never thought him capable of emitting. "Ryu-chan" he began, "let me take command up here. You're mind is trained more for spacial combat, right?" Ryuunosuke stared at him for a moment, wondering how serious he was. Even Lum seemed to shy away from him in uncertainty, but his face refused to change. He was determined, adamant, with the steely glare of a general that Ryuunosuke knew she lacked in her panic. She nodded and gripped his hand tight.

"I'll leave this up to you" she said. "I'll be in the combat bridge prepping the drone ships for deployment."

"Are you sure, Ryuunosuke?" Lum asked.

"Of course I am" Ryuunosuke said as she jumped down the stairs and ran from the bridge. The combat bridge was just down the hall, where a neural interface awaited her to control the fleets of fighter ships ready to deploy and fight off the Fukujin forces inbound. Ataru sat at the captain's chair and glared straight ahead.

_Okay........now what?_ He wondered.

* * *

Shutaro exited the mess hall just in time to be swept into a crowd that ran in a fevered panic for the bridge.

"GAH!" he shouted. "It's cramped! What's going on!?"

"Captain Mendo" a girl said. She took Mendo beside her and his claustrophobia was instantly alleviated. "It's a battle! We're under attack from a Fukujin Navy Battleship!"

"No!" Shutaro exclaimed. "Almost all our inter-ship arms are beneath the solar plating armor! We're defenseless against against an inter-ship exchange of fire!"

"But what about the plating?" another girl asked.

"It's hard enough" Shutaro said "but if it gets dented or pierced we could lose precious pressure when we enter the gravitational field of the suns! It's layered primarily to relieve the heating issues that such intense heat and pressure would create within the ship's interior. Any gap in that would result in a sudden rise of heat and pressure for any section of the ship, which would seal off the areas around it and effectively cut the efficiency of movement in that sector to shreds!!!"

"That all sounds bad!" another girl said. "What can we do?"

"Report to the combat bridge" Shutaro said. "Connect with a neural interface command and use it to track and control the drone fighters that get deployed for battle. Take orders from whoever is stationed there before acting on your own." Shutaro pushed his way through the crowd and managed to squeeze into a crowded elevator bound for the deck. There were more women than men, allowing him to retain his charismatic stoic personality despite the pressing quarters he was in.

_This is quite possibly the second worst-case scenario we could encounter_ he thought. _If Miss Benten isn't already in command, I can imagine that Miss Lum has taken up the reigns. The most important thing for us to do at present is to not antagonize the enemy into attacking if they haven't already. Otherwise, we must present ourselves in as diplomatic a manner as possible, and as we are dealing with the Fukujin I'd shudder to think what they'd say or do if Miss Lum was presented as our captain. It may very well incite a war throughout the galaxy!_ The elevator stopped and Shutaro walked out in a fast, marching pace while the rest who were packed in behind him fell and rolled out over themselves.

_In any case_ he continued, _I must very carefully consider what I do from here on out. As the most proper battlefield-trained soldier from Earth, I must place it upon myself to dutifully guide our crew and command in the right direction. The main objective is key to everything! We cannot, under any circumstances, divert from that! For the sake of the Earth, I must command this ship!_ Shutaro entered the bridge expecting to be able to just walk up onto the captain's chair, so he did, and sat right on Ataru's legs. Ataru just reeled back in shock and blinked as Shutaro ignored his very presence to the point of sitting on him.

"Raise the engine output" Shutaro ordered "and begin the charge to the gravity gun. Shut down aft sectors three-through thirty-three. Bring up a multiple-view feed for the neural-feed from the combat bridge." The streaming banner of klaxon warning encircling the captain's chair became covered with multiple camera feeds from the neural interfaces of the combat drones as they were launched into space, one in each major squad from each major fleet being equipped with a camera that the controller on the bridge was plugged into and used as their viewpoint for all the action in battle. Shutaro shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

"This chair seems a bit strange to me" he said. Ataru finally pushed him off and fell him to his face on the hard metal bridge floor.

"I already started the charge" Ataru said "but I diverted power from the bow of the ship. We aren't using any of those sectors in a battle, and unless we need emergency steering back into the sun, we don't need fore propulsion stations at all. As for these cameras, thanks. I was trying to handle that on my own before you got here..." Ataru leaned back and waited. He boredly brought his hands up and caught Shutaro's downswing just as he stopped himself short of a full follow-through jerk. Shutaro withdrew his sword and sheathed it, then turned and cleared his throat.

"What's the situation?" he asked.

"I'm captain!" Ataru shouted. "Deal with it!" Shutaro turned around with a stupefied shock on his face.

"A wave of fighters is incoming!" Lum announced. "Their just off the bow of the boat!"

"Get a communications link over to Ryuunosuke and the combat bridge" Ataru ordered. A back-and-forth bouncing of waves from one point of the ship to another came up on the overhead screen that monitored the ship's overall hull integrity and general status. The engines were working as they should, slowly pushing the entire ship forward slowly to their mark and the gravity gun was safely drawn under the shielding of the forward deck main-cannon hatch. All the guns were under immovable super metal plates but the hangar doors were exposed from the unfolded gaps in the external hull willingly built in to let the fighter drones through their energy doors at will during a potential battle.

A fleet of drone fighters, no bigger than Earthly jets with more propulsion, firepower and an indirect interface for unmanned flight, set off into space, spiraling together in a close formation with one squadron up above the other. A pyramid alignment of guns and missiles aimed for the incoming Fukijin fleet.

"Ryu-chan" Ataru called in an all-serious voice. Ryuunosuke's brow twitched a bit on hearing his voice, but she subdued her distracting rage.

"Yes?" she replied.

"The bow of the ship is our greatest priority" Ataru said. "Make sure they don't get near the hatch for the gravity gun if you can."

"Roger" she replied. "I'll keep a fleet to encircle and defend the area. Two more squads should cover me!" She spoke that command to the other commanding crew members in the bridge with her. Three squads of ten fighters each gathered around the hatch hull and transformed! The wings folded up and clapped together. The underside of the jets formed a chest, two arms folded out from under the wings which stayed behind as jetpacks and two bulky legs formed out of....seemingly nowhere. These robots had no faces or heads, just bodies with weapons controlled by the careful, strategic minds on board the ship. Red laser-sight bands shined out around the chest area between the shoulders, acting as eyes for the eyeless machines.

The rest of the fighters zoomed into combat and fired a huge battery of lasers and missiles before folding out in a peony blooming pattern, throwing the Fukujin fighters incoming into complete chaotic dodging and disorder. Many of the Fukujin fighters were blown up in the first attack but those that survived banded together and rushed into the fray. Ryuunosuke's sharp and quick fighting mind saw the whole battle as a brawl, with each concentrated firing of lasers as a punch to her opponent's body and each ship getting shot down as a drop of spittle or blood. In that mindset she was focused and driven. She saw weaknesses before her crew and called them out accordingly. She was winning the battle out of pure amateur experience as a delinquent high school brawler.

_Heh!_ Ryuunosuke arrogantly scoffed to herself. _I'd like to see Benten outdo this!

* * *

Benten entered the bridge amidst all the chaos and confusion. She was wearing her old, traditional clothes of plate mail and loose chains with the addition of gloves and bracers on her arms and a short scarf wrapped around her neck, all red. She walked up the stairs and peeked in at Ataru diligently guiding the crew with his orders._

"The gravity charge is at seventy percent" a technician called.

"We're ETA five minutes to the sun's gravity field!" a woman called.

"Two squads of fleet 12 have gone down, Dappya!" a Dappya called. Ataru stroked his chin with his hand and flicked his wrist suddenly with a snap of his fingers.

"I believe in Ryu-chan's fighting ability!" he proclaimed. "Decrease engine output and divert to the gravity pump! Prep another fleet on the double and send down another combat specialist to reinforce what we've already got!"

"Sir!" a man called. "The gravity-pump hatch at the bow is under direct attack!"

"What?" Ataru said as he sat up in his seat.

"The squads stationed there to defend are getting picked apart!" the man shouted again.

"We've just entered the enemy ship's range" a girl announced. "Their cannons are picking the defenses on our hull apart!"

"The hull is getting damaged!" another man said.

"Can we get any weapons online at all?" Ataru asked.

"Not this close" Benten said, finally pulling attention to herself as she leaned on Ataru's seat. "The sun's tidal forces are already screwing with the regular gravity in space. The fighters are all gradually tilting and drifting closer to the sun. This screws with missile trajectory, aiming, stability and general control. We should be thanking our lucky stars that Ryuunosuke's been trained to pilot ships in these conditions." Benten moved to sit on the chair. Ataru graciously cleared off of it and stood beside her, scratching his nose.

"So what's the best plan?" Ataru asked.

"Obviously" Benten said "we need to get on with our main objective as soon as possible! Now, they may be close enough to attack us, but they're not nearly as close to the sun as we are. They're just firing ahead of our current position because they know our destination, anyway. It's not like they're sharp-shooters or anything."

"We have definite damage to the hull" a technician called. "The _actual_ hull of the ship is getting hit! They've blasted through the super metal paneling!"

"Impossible!" Mendo shouted with a slam of his fists against his console's flat metal. "That metal is capable of withstanding anything and everything! It can take a nuclear detonation point-blank and barely get burned! How can they have pierced through it already!?"

"They didn't" another technician said, pointing up to the screen where a panel of metal was visibly drifting away from the rest of the hull. "Somehow, they managed to blast the couplers and detach the entire panel from the rest of the hull around it!"

"Equally impossible!!!" Mendo raged.

"Nothing to do about that, I guess" Ataru said. "If we waste the time to recover it, we'll be wasting time moving back into position!"

"We're nice and screwed, alright" Benten said with a smirk. She leaned forward and stomped on the floor, cluthcing the side arms of her chair in anticipation and excitement. "Arm the Gravity Cannon!" she proclaimed. She drew a very startled and confused battery of grunts.

"Are you sure?" Ataru asked.

"Yeah!" Benten said with a stubborn nod of her head. "Do it! Now!"

"You heard her!" Ataru proclaimed with a dramatic sweep of his hand through the air. He brought it back to his chest and clutched it into a fist before thrusting it forward again with an extreme aura of manly certainty and fearlessness. "Arm the Gravity Pump!"

"No!" Benten said. "For right now, it's a Gravity **Cannon!**" Ataru blinked at her. Lum hovered over, catching on before anyone else, and whispered into his ear. Ataru gasped and giggled.

"You're an evil genius, Benten!" he said.

"Yes I am" Benten said, resting her war-lusting face on her fist. A call went to the minds of all the combat bridge crew-people. Their ships were to return at once to defend the gravity pump.

_What?_ Ryuunosuke thought. _Why now? We're nearly winning! Their first wave is almost gone. If we push through that we can get a clean break at attacking their ship cannons!_

"Trust me" Benten said, reading Ryuunosuke's audible mind through her own neural link up. "This is the best course of action we can take at the moment." Ryuunosuke became unexpectedly contested with Benten's orders. "Come on, sis. Trust me. Trust your big sister..." Ryuunosuke abandoned all her stubborn stead and retreated her fleet which was still flying strong and nearly unfazed.

_Fine!_ She mentally shouted. _What's your brilliant damn plan, then?_ All the fighters currently out and flying transformed to their mech forms and defended the opening gravity hatch with laser-emission shields. Each distant blast that hit a shield broke the energy barrier and the robot behind it. Benten's plan was working well enough, but she began to wonder on the bridge if it would be enough.

"Gravity Cannon is fully charged!" a man shouted.

"Engines have halted" a Dappya called. "We are maintaining current position, Dappya!"

"The cannon is working and operational" a girl reported.

"Whenever you're ready" Ataru said. Benten closed her eyes and focused her mind. Ataru broke her concentration with his constant, perverse leering until Lum took him away and hid his eyes with her arms. Shutaro observed the diagnostic screen before him as the gravity gun began turning, as if of its own free will, and aimed itself perfectly in line with the Fukujin ship in the far, far distance. Just beyond the arcing solar flares of the nearby sun, some extreme distance from the large solar body and under no influence of proximity gravity, the ship of Daiten stood in place firing shots from its slowly moving and constantly aiming cannons.

"Sir!" a mouse-alien hybrid creature the size of a man reported to his overlord God of Luck. "Their ship has stopped moving!"

"Hnnnnnggggg!!!" Daiten squealed. His wide smile and beady eyes showed an extreme and callous rage in his face and his clutched fist before his pointed beard. "Those brats must have given up! Their fleets are in retreat, their engines are down! I don't even see them trying to wield a weapon against us anymore! MAHAHAHA!!! Keep firing! I want to see them evacuate their burning, melting pile of scrap rubble as it piles into the sun!"

"Isn't that your ship though, sir?" the mousy man said.

"Don't you dare destroy it!" he shouted in a sudden turn of vocal rage. "Even a scratch will be a costly error out of your salary! Don't touch it anymore!" With that the battery ceased. Just as the final inaccurate shots flew past the ship, Benten stood up from her seat and threw forward her arm in command.

"**FIRE!!!!!**" The gravity cannon, a huge device shaped by the Dappya's like a cartoony little laser gun with rings around a thin firing shaft and a dorsal fin of metal to complete its fierce Dappya design, charged up with a dark-purple swelling of energy that seemed to bend space and time around the rounded tip of the firing mechanism. The fleet retreated as much as possible, but many drones were caught in an impossibly dense field of gravity and broke apart to collapse into a tiny molecular point at the tip of the gun.

A molecular black hole was formed and fired from the tip of the cannon. The entire ship shifted to its port side following the blast and began to roll clockwise. The tiny black hole diminished itself into a light-bending projectile of gravity, a ray that manipulated and toyed with the very laws of speed, space and dimension in the universe as it coasted right over the elevated bridge of the automated enemy warship.

"What was that?" Daiten wondered. He saw his crew begin to bend. His vision warped. Everything in front of him shrank away into a fast-moving void as the gravity beam carried the molecular space he occupied one iota at a time away from the suns. The bridge of the ship was cleanly detached from the rest of the vessel, leaving a crackling trail of wires, conduits and various other cables that connected the workings of the bridge with the rest of the ship. The bridge spun and saulted away through the void of space, being carried by the invisible warping of gravity, and exited the effective range of the sun by passing Mercury's orbit before normalcy was restored and klaxons began blaring with the failure of their artificial gravity. Daiten and his crew floated in the air in their spiraling bridge, desperately trying to overtake the destroyed controls they had, and eventually managed to activate the emergency jets to convert the bridge into an escape vessel.

"Damn them!" Daiten growled. "Damn them all!!! I will return to right this travesty!"

"Sir!" a mouse man exclaimed. "Our ship has been destroyed! It got pulled into the sun's gravitational field and burned up!"

"WHAT!?" he shouted. "Then, then what about the stolen ship?"

"We can't get a confirmed reading on it" the mouse man said, "but it seems to be on a crash-course for the sun as well!!!"

* * *

Alarms blared and lights flashed all throughout the ship as the giant mass of super metal spiraled itself off course and into the sun. The super metal plates began to peel away from the single hole in the hull that had been detached in the battle. The gravity gun was struggling in vain to return to its primary position. The metal supports bent and melted under the weight and heat of the nearby sun. The aft engines had failed. The power drain on them was too great. The side engines, both port and starboard, were blasting at their fullest capacity to stabilize the ship in its death spin. The crew worked diligently to try and persevere in what seemed to be their final minutes.

Finally, after so much work and expenditure of auxiliary power, the ship was stabilized and a safe distance from the sun. However, the gravity gun was broken and its supports were bent. The engine was overheated. The power was gone for all but the main bridge of the ship. The bow sections were quickly heating and some even exploding. The entire bow of the ship beyond the mess hall was therefore sealed off as it had been evacuated when the crew took battle positions. Now all the beings, human and alien alike, held their breath in terrible anticipation to wait for the okay from their captain Benten, who sat welded to the back of her chair.

"Are we okay?" Ataru asked. Lum had snuck through the low lighting and clutched his arm. The silence with feint beeps was their only accompaniment as Benten refused to speak up.

"Benten....." Ryuunosuke said. Benten finally sat forward and laughed with a big, dumb grin.

"Guess that wasn't the best idea, was it?" she said. Ryuunosuke punched her head against the seat.

"Is this alright?" Shutaro asked, staring at the orange light on the highly-filtered screen before them. He turned to council his fellow captains minus Tobimaro. "We're far too close. The second the engines go offline for any reason is the second we start drifting to our oblivion! What can we do now?"

"We can't escape, can we?" Ataru asked.

"The drones are all gone" Lum said "and even though the bridge is detachable as a last resort, we couldn't fit everyone on it!"

"How unfitting" Shutaro said with a poetic turn to the screen again, "that we courageous mortals would be killed under the weighty power of great Amaterasu-sama. We, who dared to touch the sun itself, were burned to death."

"Don't speak like that!" a man in black shade said with a stern chop to Mendo's head. The rich boy fainted to the floor with his face dazed and absent of thought. "Captains. As a representitive to the honor and fame of the Mendo family, I will hereby permit my fellow's self-sacrifice for your survival. If this mission must fail, but a great few of us can still survive, we men in black shades are willing to stay behind to make room on the bridge for the others."

"Wait a second" Lum said, "we aren't planning on that just yet!"

"I dunno" Benten said as she rose her head up from the chair, rubbing the lump on her forehead in aggravation. "Honestly, I don't see any other way out of here."

"What about sub-space?" Ryuunosuke asked in desperation. "Isn't there a space for it somewhere on this ship?"

"Don't be a fool" Benten said. "This ship was manufactured so that no sub-space infiltration could ever be used to sabotage it internally. There's no way the greatest minds in spaceship construction would let something slip past them that could potentially lose a battle." A distant explosion sounded from the bow and soon rumbled through the rest of the ship. The entire exposed section was beginning to melt and cave in on itself, though the shields sealing the area off were holding up well. The crew waited in silence for a moment as the lights of their screens flickered.

"Wait a second" Ataru said with a sudden stroke of sheer brilliance in his voice. "Benten, can you open a communication channel to the outside of the ship in general?"

"Uh, yeah?" Benten said. "It's mostly used for loud-speakering to a planet or something, but in space I don't think-"

"Trust me!" Ataru said. "Even if it's the slightest hope in the universe, it's still a hope we can ride on!"

"Darling, what?" Lum asked. Ataru slipped out from under her and took a headset from the side of the chair while Benten worked a nearby console to open the channel. "What's your plan?" Ataru took a step up onto Shutaro's flattened back.

"Thank this guy" he said, pointing down. "I just got it from him!"

"A spontaneous idea from Moroboshi, eh?" Ryuunosuke said with some vague prospect of hope. Her pupils shrank. _We're all dead!!!_

"I need this to be as loud as possible" Ataru said. "Loud enough to split through space itself!"

"I can make it that loud" Benten said. "It'll cost us the rest of our power, but I can make it that loud!"

"Do it!" Ataru said. He was getting unusually excited over his plan. Lum flew over and shook his arm.

"Darling, what are you trying to do?" she asked.

"Don't you worry about it" Ataru said. "This can't fail if it will work!"

"What!?" Lum shouted. She flew over to Benten. "Benten, stop! Think about this! Do you think Darling really knows what he's doing?"

"No!" Benten admitted. She was just as excited, though more wild, as Ataru was about his plan. She quickly shut down all the power in the rest of the ship but the bridge and diverted it to the speakers at the bow. She was ready to throw the switch and signal the release of the side engines output. "But I like his style!" She threw the switch. The engines wound down and the ship drifted forward. "You're up, man!" Benten shouted.

"Darling...." Lum said with a quivering lip of worry. She shut her eyes tight and held her fists high to her chest. _I trust you, Darling. Please be right!_ Ataru took in a deep, big breath that puffed up his chest and stomach. He pulled all of his might and power into his throat to empower his voice, and gripped the microphone on the side of his headset hard. Then, with a lean forward, he called to the sun before him,

"**AMATERAAAAAAAAAASUU!!!!!!!!!"** The ship was caught and drifted forward. The bow broke up in the tidal torrent of the sun's spining gravity well and threw molten metal like rain around the horizon of the sun in an instant. The ship continued to fall, the metal panels detaching and drifting away while the plain metal hull burned up and melted, all the time Ataru calling the name of the Goddess of the Sun.

"It's the end!" Benten shouted as she braced herself in a chair. "THE END!!!!" she roared with a smile. Ryuunosuke braced her eyes with her forearms. The crew screamed in panic and fear. Lum held on to Ataru's side for dear life. His voice finally gave out with a wheezing cough.

"Darling!" she exclaimed.

"Lum!" He replied. They held each other tight and kissed on top of Mendo, who woke up just in time to see the blinding light of the sun obliterate the last remains of the ship before him.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, MOROBOSHIIIIIII!!!!!????" Shutaro screamed into the cosmos. The final sounds that cried from the sun were those that cursed Ataru's name.

The Fukujin ship, The _Dappyamato_, was no more...


	36. Chapter 36

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Mission FAILED!? What happened!?

* * *

Earth. The day of the mission's final report. The Mendo Tracking Satellite Array had been monitoring the progress of the _Dappyamato_ since it left orbit right up until its engagement near the sun's incinerating tidal field. The technical crews in command of the monitoring station had witnessed it with their own eyes, the disappearance of their prince and all within from any form of tracking, and they assumed the worst. A few hours of high-dimming filter telescopic scanning around the sun had confirmed their fears. Under the canopy of heavily insulated radiation-proof vehicles the parents were brought in from all the corners of Tomobiki town, including the Mizunokoji parents, to the Mendo estate for a meeting with the country's most esteemed family.

The parents were all ushered out of the sun and into the compound, out of their radiation suits and finally into the family sitting room. The windows had all been covered with lead-lined curtains three-stories tall and several feet thick to keep the harmful sunlight out. Wind-chime air-conditioners rang all across the walls and held the room at a comfortable, controlled temperature. A large, proper sitting area had been arranged. Mr. and Mrs. Mendo were waiting already, sitting together with their eyes cast down at the far end of a long and regally carved coffee table. Ryoko sat apart from them with Shingo behind her at a diligent guard. She snapped her fingers to have him wipe her forming tears away.

"Fancy place...." Mr. Fujinami said. He looked at the sitting area and instantly became excited, shouting with spontaneous glee. "CHAIRS!!! All my life I've longed to sit in a comfy chair! Like a big hot-shot! HAHA!!!" He vaulted over the back of a sofa chair and fell down onto it. The seat of the chair was hard as iron and rang pain through all his bones, going from his hips up.

"I apologize" Mr. Mendo said. "Our daughter, Ryoko, was so taken aback by the news of what happened that she replaced most of the couch cushions with slabs of metal...so do be careful, the rest of you." Mr. Fujinami held his mouth wide open and clutched his legs together. He groaned and jerked his head around, gripping the arms of the couch and wringing the fabric. The other families moved more cautiously. The Moroboshis sat together on a sofa thankful to feel that it was indeed a cushion. Mr. Mizunokoji sat carefully on a hard iron sofa while his wife and daughter, kept close to her mother for her fear of the men in the room, found soft cushions to sit on. Shinobu, who was too busy wondering why she had been called with everyone else, didn't notice until too late that she found another iron seat and simply made the best of it. Mr. Fujinami fell to the floor, holding his broken buttocks high in the air and groaning loudly.

"I'm sorry" Mrs. Moroboshi began, "but we don't really know why we're here quite yet."

"Especially me" Shinobu said. Mr. Mendo sighed and stood up. He straightened his suit lapel and tie, then smoothed back his hair.

"Mr. Teller?" Mr. Mendo called. A man walked into the sitting area from behind Mendo's seat. Ryoko stood up anxiously at the stranger's presence and pointed at him. He was a stout, round man with a wide mustache and a clean, bald head. Obviously, he was a foreigner, an American man in a dim-gray suit with a burgundy tie. He held himself in a high esteem in the presence of the Mendo family proper and cleared his throat before speaking.

"Who are you?" Ryoko demanded, drawing his gaze away from the center of the room. "Father, who is he? Why is he here?"

"Ryoko..." Shingo said. He took her by her shoulder to try and calm her down. She took his hand and ran into his chest, sobbing silently against him. "Sorry, sir. Please, go on."

"Thank you" he said, speaking in perfect, learned Japanese. "I represent the United States branch of the Mendo Conglomerate. Recently, our tracking stations at NASA headquarters picked up on the detailed movements of the ship's last known actions. It seems, by the high emission of photonic energy near the tidal edge of the smaller sun's gravitational pull, there was some form of weaponry discharge."

"Oh my!" Mrs. Mizunokoji gasped. "What does it mean?"

"In all likelihood" Mr. Teller continued "there was some form of conflict, possibly a battle, in space. It is unknown how this affected the ship's functioning but, well...."

"Go on" Mr. Mendo said sullenly. Mrs. Moroboshi stood up suddenly with shallow wetness coating her eyes.

"Don't tell me...." she began, choking on her own gasping breath. "Please, no, you can't mean what I think you mean...."

"I am afraid" Mr. Teller continued "that we have lost all visuals with the _Dappyamato._ It's final trajectory sent it straight into the sun's tidal area, where the gravitational force of the sun is capable of tearing even the strongest earthly metals apart before melting and vaporizing them near the surface.....The ship hasn't been spotted since. We believe, we are positive, that....**the ship and crew have failed....**" Mrs. Moroboshi's eyes opened wide. She gasped in deeply and brought her hands up to her mouth.

"No....." she whispered. Her husband stood up and held her shoulders. She buried her face into him and cried. He held her tight and teared up as well, holding it to preserve his strength for her sake. Mr. Fujinami recovered in time to sit up at the table and lean onto it with his elbow.

"I always knew this day would come" he said. He reached into his waist wrap and brought out a bottle of sake. He poured a shallow glass and toasted to it with the bottle. "Farewell, Ryuunosuke. I hope you've found a good place somewhere out there on your own...." He took a powerful swig of the wine and sat, stoic and stern, on the floor. Shinobu was in complete shock. Her face seemed completely frozen in an expression bordered between intent listening and the same total depression that gripped the room. The Mizunokoji family went into practiced sobs, mother and father holding each other, while Asuka was left alone and seemingly out of the loop.

"So what has happened?" Asuka wondered. "Where is Big Brother?"

"Asuka" her mother said. She called her in close and took her hands. "Asuka...your big brother...is no more..." Asuka maintained her innocent curiosity.

"No more?" she said. "Is he not returning? What of Brother Mendo? Or Ryuunosuke?" Her mother looked up into her eyes, her face still plastered like an antique doll with a pleasant smile and bright, sparkling eyes, which confused Asuka ever further.

"They're dead, Asuka" she said, shaking Asuka's hands and arms. "Dead! Don't you understand that?"

"...dead?" Asuka repeated. "I.....they are gone?"

"Yes, daughter" her father said. "Forever...they will never be coming back..." Asuka's head drooped down. Then, suddenly, she fell forward and fainted. Her mother let her rest on her lap as she sobbed into her own hands. Shinobu stood up, her face still aghast of all reason and expression, and she drifted her gaze across the floor near the windows. She stared at the bright sliver of light illuminated from under the cover of the thick, opaque curtains from the huge, three-story windows. She continued staring until she was forced to turn her whole head and squint at it to focus herself better. She moved through the crowd of couches, past Ryoko and Shingo, and moved toward the light.

"Ms. Miyake?" Mr. Mendo called.

"Shinobu?" Mrs. Moroboshi said. She rose her head up from her husband's tear-stained shirt and saw her moving to the window. "Shinobu...poor dear....." She started to move for her but stopped. The whole company stopped in their sobbing when Shinobu took the weighty, industrial curtain by its edge and threw it to the side with her angry power. The light blasted in from outside, brighter than before, brighter than any natural light from the sun, and continued loudly shining until it was a glaring, bright white. Shinobu gasped as she stared deeply into it. A kuroko stealthily equipped sun-blocker shades from behind to save her eyes from being blinded as she continued unflinching watching the strange, astronomical glow grow brighter and brighter.

"What is that!?" Ryoko asked.

"Shinobu!" Mrs. Moroboshi called. "What is it? What's happening!?" The light blasted even brighter with a glaring whine. Shinobu's face lit up as the true figure of the light began to take shape before her.

* * *

Planet Uru. A hot and dusty celestial sphere in the Sei arm of the galaxy. It was a daily scene. People stood by at electronics shops watching the news reels in the window that gave them distant, delayed information on the situation regarding their beloved princess, Lum, and her notorious husband. It was a regular scene in regard to the day. Oni came and went, mixing their way into alien crowds of merchants and foot traffickers, and the whole crowd of aliens in the open thoroughfares became noisy, colorful blurs in the dry air. It was an ordinary summer with just the backdrop of tension hanging in the air from the impatient people wringing their hands at screens to learn more about what was happening.

Then, in sub-space, in a dark and fathomless reach of the hall of infinite doorways, Inaba stood before Uru's door to the present, a dry door with no knob but a latch to pull, and a nervous shade cast on his face. He wore more traditional clothing than he had been wearing since he came to reside plainly on Earth. Over his clean, starch-white suit and rabbit-paw pattern tie he had a thick cotton overcoat of white with a bunny hood, killing the serious air and attitude he carried. He placed his hand calmly to the door and took a calming breath. Then he drew away and turned to scratch his head.

"I might die...." he said. "He's not the most notoriously welcoming warlord in the galaxy, afterall..." He paced before the door, walking on immaterial darkness, deep in a thoughtful consideration over the circumstances before him. "On one hand" he began, "not telling him could avoid an inter-galactic incident. On the other hand, not telling him will lead to unexpected, undesirable results...potentially, at the absolute worst, war. Or some war-like banter between leaders. I suppose I should go with my best foot forward and hope that Lum's father is a sensible enough man when I tell him his daughter is **with the Gods in Heaven....**" Inaba slid the door open slowly and stepped out of sub space into the open, hot Uru sun.

_The first step towards a mountainous climb...._ Inaba thought.

"Hey!" An Oni voice shouted. Inaba turned and saw an official-looking, muscular Oni in battle armor wielding a heavy, metal club in his big hand. He looked angry, his mighty brow furrowing under his thick, tiger-striped helmet brim. "What do you think you were doing in there, punk!?" Inaba leaned away from him. His club was pointed right in Inaba's face, swinging heftily in the air before him. "You'd better have a damn good excuse for being in there!"

"What?" Inaba said. He turned around and observed the door he had just used to exit from sub space. It was a women's restroom. Inaba stared at it for a long time and hoped he was mis-translating the obvious symbol, text and signs around it, all of which said 'Women's toilet', but he arrived at a hopeless answer and turned to the Oni official peacekeeper with a nervous smile.

"Oh, there?" Inaba said. "I didn't come from there, no. You see, I'm a sub-space denizen, and I merely-"

"Shut your trap, pervert!" the Oni growled. He lowered his face and confronted Inaba on a wholly uncomfortable level, pressing his face closer and closer to knock Inaba over with pure threat. "We look down on social deviance in this town, kid! You'll be getting at _least_ twenty-hours community service for this! Along with an ass-kicking!" Inaba grinned at the man. Then, in a flash, he was off. He was a white blur moving between the Oni's legs and pumping his powerful, rabbit legs as he sprinted through the streets. He ran with a wind-chasing speed and the gust that followed his flee kicked up the dust and skirts of young, fashionable Oni girls.

"Obviously" Inaba thought "the warlord will be in the most decorated military area during the working day. I should looked near the town square for some kind of map or information kiosk so I can find him!" Inaba made a leap over the rooftops and sped among the blurring scenery into a wide open bazaar market. He landed in an alley, into the shadows, and calmly resurfaced into the crowd. He was the whitest figure in the crowd as everyone was wearing traditional Oni garb of yellow and black. Some even wore armor and carried weapons on their backs. He looked around at the shopkeepers, none of which were looking straight at him, and walked through the manic masses to a small shop owned by a young man selling books. A young human. Inaba pulled back his hood and approached.

"Hi" Inaba said.

"Yo" the human greeted. He was Japanese, as Inaba expected, but responded in a common Oni dialect. "It's kinda obvious, but I sell books here. Earth's greatest literature from the East, West and yours truly, all translated into Oni and proof-checked by local scholars and record-keepers. You look like a bookish kinda guy. Why not buy a book?"

"......How'd yo uget here?" Inaba asked in Japanese. The man sighed and scratched his head.

"I was abducted" the man said. "I'd....rather not talk about it."

"Eww..." Inaba groaned.

"No!" the man exclaimed. "Not like that! It was great! It was a ship full of women, gorgeous Oni women, who were taking an inter-galactic census and sexual study! When I think about it, all those glorious days spent alone with beautiful women, all those rigorous 'tests' and 'trial runs' they put me through....only to leave me here with my books....I get depressed...." Inaba could sense the young man's desperation. He could feel the weight of the pitiable air.

"Hey! Books!" an excited passer-by exclaimed. He approached, a huge man, proud and strong-armed with a helmet and visor to mask his face. He knelt down and picked up a thick copy of _The Art of War_ with loose leaf pages lodged randomly through the chapters as translation notes and comments by the young seller. "Ah! I like this one already! HAHA!" Inaba squinted up at the big man's face and tried to read who it was under the lime-green colored visor.

"That one isn't cheap, sir" the young seller said. "It took me a whole half-year to translate it with professional help."

"Money's no object" the man said. He took the book under his arm and sifted through his bodysuit pocket for the baseline price. He pulled out the planet's highest legal tender and handed over a clean, unfolded bill. "You can keep the change, son. Get yourself a chair to sit on and some books of your own to read!"

"Thank you very much!" the man said, shooting up to his feet with a bow. Inaba finally read through the mask and captured the image in his head.

"Invader?" Inaba asked. The man turned to him. "Aren't you the warlord? Lum's father?" The Oni jumped back and shouted. He slowly set his feet back on the ground and calmly brought his hands to his pockets.

"What?" he said, nervously hiding his shock. "I don't know what you're talking about, young man. That man, he wouldn't need books! He's a powerful, political man! He's not a bookish weakling type!"

"It is you" Inaba said, now straight-faced and serious. "Please, sir, don't try to hide yourself from me. I am one of the many inter-dimensional rabbits that manipulates the fate of all living creatures. I represent the Destiny Production Bureau on a regular basis and am a friend of your daughters." Invader gave up and leaned in close to try and keep his stealth amidst the bustling crowd of people around him.

"Nice to meet you, son" he said "and congratulations on seeing through my disguise. My wife told me to start reading more books, you know. Said I was just doing nothing all day but watching the screen, but can you blame her? I'm worried about our daughter!"

"Well, sir" Inaba began, "that's exactly what I am here to talk to you about." The Oni's face began to fall. "I suggest we go somewhere private to continue. This isn't a very private place to share....delicate information." Invader's eyes began to shake under his visor and cracked along the edges with bloody veins.

"What happened....?" he asked.

* * *

Invader home UFO. A calm, royal ship settled in the foothills away from the hustle and bustle of the space-port town. Inaba was cordially invited in as he and the great Oni warlord sat down together with his wife to join after the wine was warmed and the food was prepared. Inaba sat as a distinguished gentleman, his hands carefully folded into his lap and a stern, stone-carved seriousness on his face. Invader stayed as calm as he could. He buckled himself down, pressing on his knees in his seat with his strong hands and let his jaw shake as much as it wanted in front of his company. His wife returned with a tray of drinks and a small dish of 'food', derisively defined as such when Invader picked up a rough handful and shoveled it to calm his nerves. He also took the bottle around the cups and drank a swig of the powerful liquor to try and sedate himself further. His wife sat politely and took a solemn look Inaba's way.

"You say there's been trouble with our daughter?" she said, speaking her native tongue as always. Inaba nodded.

"Specifically" Inaba began "that it was obliterated in the minor sun's gravitational field." Invader stopped chewing. His jaw slowed itself to a stop with his mouth full of half-chewed food.

"Obliterated?" he said, his words muffled by food. His wife nudged him again.

"And?" she said. Inaba tugged at his tie and met her penetrating gaze.

"Although the ship has been vaporized" Inaba went on "there is no concrete evidence to say that the crew was in any way harmed. In fact, from what I can observe with my relative amount of skill, they are all perfectly fine. The fabric of reality has yet to catastrophically shift one way or another regarding Ataru and Lum's disappearance. It's as if they were still together, yet so distant that their energies cannot be read. The cosmic stream of misfortune is still flowing....but....uh.....there's a hole in the riverbed, so to speak."

"What?" Invader said. His wife tilted her head in confusion. Inaba sighed.

"Yeah, it doesn't make much sense, does it?" he said. "What I really mean is that everyone's fine. They're ship was destroyed, but at the last minute they were all somehow taken away from physical reality and delivered somewhere of equal cosmic standing with less real presence. In essence their souls and bodies all....left the universe and went somewhere else."

"But where?" she asked.

"And how!?" Invader asked, slightly more enthused and obviously excited.

"No one knows!" Inaba said, waving his hands up and down at the sides of his head, wiggling his fingers. "I've looked at the situation left and right, up and down, inside and outside and I have yet to fully understand anything. My seniors at the DPB are attempting to figure it out on their own as we speak, and I'm to be paged as soon as they discover any substantial findings." Inaba stopped his fingers and sat back into his seat, folding his hands together in his lap and crossing his legs. "That's all I can say....for now."

"Well how kind" Mrs. Invader said with a sigh of relief. "I'm sure everyone on Earth is as equally relieved as we are, right dear?" Her husband was still blinking hard and scratching his head. He was obviously still lost somewhere in the rabbit's forest of a tale.

"Actually" Inaba began, "this was the first place I visited. The news is delayed across the galaxy. What you've been following is actually a few days old. The Earth has already received the word of the mission's apparent failure, but the effects have yet to fully translate to the side of the galaxy. What news they get from it is bound to be much less fortunate then the news I've just given you."

"Oh my!" she exclaimed. "You should return to Earth at once, in that case! Let them know everyone is safe, somehow, somewhere, before the bad news reaches them."

"No need, madam" Inaba said, holding up a cocky hand. "You see, I've already implemented some sure-fire counter-measures against any sort of wild misunderstandings getting out of control. Namely, I have stealthily entrusted a beacon of sub-space rupture energy to my girlfriend, Shinobu Miyake, who is close friends with Ataru and all aboard the ship. Once they are sent back to the physical plane of reality, they will manifest near her automatically. It's just a matter of how fast or slow time tends to move in whatever plane they're all in and how long it will take them to-" Inaba's bunny tie began to buzz. He took it off with a quick yank, folded it up and unfolded it into a cellphone.

"This is Inaba" he said diligently. The Oni just sat and watched him, waiting patiently for a response. Inaba got up and parted from their attention with a smile and a silent gesture that he would be back. He went on listening, nodding and affirming some odd points during a seemingly one-sided conversation and, at length, finished up to close his phone back up and unfurl it as a tie. He then clipped the tie back on and straightened it, then returned to his seat to meet the over-attentive glares of the concerned Oni parents.

"Everything's fine" Inaba said. "They were just in** Heaven**, as I suspected all along! Now they're back on Earth and the situation has been resolved. Nothing to worry about at all!" Invader grabbed Inaba by the head and lifted him up. Inaba nervously held his grin and held onto Invader's thick fingers for dear life while his legs kicked in a panic. His wife did nothing to stop him, she just watched curiously as her husband brought Inaba up to his face level and glared at him from under half-drawn eyelids.

"You never mentioned" he lowed "that you had an idea where they were...!"

"I guess not!" Inaba said at a pinnacle of nervousness. He let out a dry and fearful chuckle as well. Invader sighed and let him go. He landed on the table and stumbled off onto the floor, side first so he could catch himself and start a retreat. Mrs. Invader cut him off by floating in front of him with her arms crossed and her eyebrows cocked. "It's my business to have unyielding accuracy! I can't rely on my instincts to deliver any kind of answer without authoritative proof! I'm still just a junior in the company! I can't make decisions alone!"

"Well then..." Invader began, picking Inaba up by the back of his shirt now. Inaba flinched and froze up with his legs folded up and his fingers wringing in front of his chest. "...this is the perfect reason I've heard all week to **get Drunk! GAHAHAHAHAHA!!!**" The Oni, with a wide-faced grin and a hot blush across his face, held up a ceramic jug filled with sloshing booze and toasted it to the air. He was in a celebratory mood and handed Inaba a glass full of peach wine. Then he set him down in his chair again and moved into his chair, slouching down and guzzling booze.

"Dear!" his wife protested with her hands high on her hips. "Don't be so aggressive with our company all the time!" She turned pleasantly to Inaba, who was still shocked and unnerved at the inevitability that seemed to have been staring him down just moments before, promising his doom, which had now been replaced by galactic hospitality and friendliness. "Inaba, would you like a drink?" He nodded with a rusty, jerking movement and gulped the drink down in and instant. His nerves mellowed and he was calmed in an instant. "Thank you so much for coming to us with this news" she continued. "Our daughter has a good friend in you, I'm certain." Inaba's eyes were swirling and his head was swimming with the alcohol. In his heart, he knew he'd done well, and he deserved the pleasantries of good company at last....

* * *

Heaven. At the moment of the ship's impact the crew was gone. Vanished from space and time in a glimmering instant. Now they stood, all up and mouths agape, staring at the sight before them. Lum held Ataru's arm tight. Her pupils had shrunk down and nearly left her eyes while her mouth pursed and twitched at the side. Ataru was still standing on Mendo's body, but even he was so taken aback by the fantastic awe that he couldn't be bothered to be angry about his position. Ataru just has his arms crossed and stared, mouth closed and eyes staring up plainly.

"Huh" he grunted. What they stared down was beyond even the most fantastic images of their imagination. Before them stood the heavenly palace of the sun, the home of the Mother of all Creation, Amaterasu the Sun Goddess. They stood before open gates so wide that the panorama of the paradise was fully exposed to them from side to glorious side. Plants that radiated pure sunlight and clean energy bordered gardens of starry flowers all fed by glistening crystal-clear fountains of water that bubbled from the mouths of jade dragons statues. The royalty exceeded even Shutaro's understanding of the word. The traditional Japanese pagoda style extended up and scraped a glorious golden halo in the bright, sun-shaded sky. The ground was made of cotton clouds, firm to walk on but soft to touch. It was a heavenly sight beyond enlightenment, to which the first human voice spoke of with a simplistic grunt.

"That's really......huh" Ataru repeated, still at a loss for words. The full crew stood perfectly still, men, women and Dappya-monsters all, in silent awe of the sun palace.

And so their journey came to an end, but their mission was still not over.......


	37. Chapter 37

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

At the Palace of Amaterasu!! The Earthly Errand Ends!!!

* * *

Ataru and the crew stood in total awestruck shock as they stared down the heavenly palace of the Sun, without a ship, without a breath and without a single inkling as to how they managed to get there. Lum's grip around Ataru's arm continuously tightened as time around them in the divine, astral plane. Mendo finally stirred and looked up from the ground, his mouth falling wide and his voice cracking in surprise.

"WHAT HAPPENED!?" he shouted. A simultaneous breath was released from every mouth. Everyone was waiting for someone to speak up, despite everyone being as much out of the know as even their fearless leader Ataru was. Mendo struggled and pushed himself from under Ataru's feet and stood up, walking hypnotically a half-step forward. He turned with a start at everyone and started waving his hand at the heavenly palace gates before them. "Whe-where are we? How did we get here!? Moroboshi, what have you done!?"

"We're in heaven" Ataru said. "I guess....my plan worked."

"Darling!" Lum shouted, jumping into his side and squeezing him with both her arms and her legs. "I knew you could do it! I knew I knew I knew!!!"

"You're the craziest bastard I've ever met" Benten said as she walked up beside him.

"Thanks" Ataru said, still voicing his total shock and astoundedness. "I guess we should....go in now."

"In?" Mendo said as he began to laugh. "Into the palace of Amaterasu? You? YOU!? HAHAHAHA!!!" Mendo's obnoxious laughter began echoing across the golden, cloudy planes around him. "Moroboshi, there is obviously an error in the cosmos, for if we are in heaven, and if this is truly the heavenly palace of the great sun goddess Amaterasu, and you are the one who truly brought us here, then it means that **heaven has fallen to HELL! A demon like you cannot possibly come to this place as you are!!!**" Mendo snapped. He unsheathed his sword and charged Ataru with a bellowing howl of rage. Lum tried to shake and drag Ataru away but she couldn't move him. His stubbornness in his stead had activated at an inopportune time, and Lum was forced to retreat while Mendo's sword cleaved him down the middle.

"DARLING!" Lum shouted. Benten was stunned. Mendo had followed his slash through to the cloudy ground. The edge of his blade parted the clouds beneath it. He grinned smugly, so proud of himself for finally ending his lifelong foe of some odd few years, and looked up to admire his efforts.

"MAH!?" Mendo shouted. He saw Ataru, not only in one whole and uninjured piece, but looking over himself with some apathetic curiosity from hand to hand.

"Huh" Ataru grunted. "I guess, in heaven, you can't die or hurt people." Benten tested his theory by punching him in the head. Ataru's neck bent and slammed his head onto his opposite shoulder, but he was uninjured. He just took his head in his hands and snapped it back upright.

"How bout that?" Benten said, flexing her arm and looking at her now ineffective fist.

"Too bad, Mendo" Ataru said, now with a wide grin of arrogance. "The first time you manage to land a fatal blow and I'm already dead! HAHAHA!!!" Mendo was lifeless. His face was white and his eyes were wide with astonished horror. He fell to his side, his body remaining perfectly stiff in its position, and stopped breathing.

_How...._ Mendo thought. _In all the universe there is no greater lech, no greater nexus of misfortune humanized into such a repulsive form. And yet this same man has delivered us into the most holy of all realms! He has ascended us to heaven! How? How!? This is impossible! I, the son and heir of the great Mendo clan, the closest thing to divinity on Earth, could not act in any way similar at all, and yet here I lay, at the feet of Moroboshi who has saved us all! How.....how is his luck so twisted and confusing that it saves us all at the same time we all die!? I can't take this....I must atone for my own failure...._

"Single file!" Ataru called. While Mendo sulked and prosed to himself Ataru was rounding all the crew up to enter the palace in as respectable a manner as possible. "Get in five columns, please! I don't wanna have to explain to anyone that their loved ones got lost in heaven! Stick together! I'll go first, since I called us here. She's probably expecting me."

"What about Shutaro, Darling?" Lum asked. Ataru looked over and saw Mendo on his knees, a small dagger before him with a sterile white cloth wrapped around the handle.

"He looks busy" Ataru said. "He's a smart guy, so he'll catch up. Alright! Company forward!" Ataru led the crew in their march as they calmly entered the great palace walls. Shutaro attempted Seppuku without success multiple times, stabbing his blade harmlessly through his flesh and grinding it as if it was twisting in the air, until he began sobbing hysterically in forfeit.

"It's not fair!" Mendo shouted. "It's NOT! WAAAAHHH!!!" Tobimaro picked Shutaro up and slung him over his shoulder as he rolled his neck from one shoulder to another. Shutaro kicked and whined the whole way as Tobimaro carried him to walk with the rest of the crew as they entered heaven. When the last man crossed the glorious golden threshold of the palace gates, the divine panels of heavenly wood reinforced with glorious glowing steel and iron were shut behind them. A symphony of bells and chimes sounded out in the boundless, heavenly sky of sunny gold to announce the arrival of her absolute-highness' expected guests, waking the palace guards and waiting staff to meet them as they ascended the mountain of stairs that led to the entrance of the deity's royal mansion...

* * *

Time passes differently in heaven than in the living realm. What seemed to be days of ascent were actually only minutes that passed slowly on the heat-blasted Earth. While it was hard to measure the passage of time in a land where there was only sunlight and where the pains and needs of hunger and sleep were not present, Ataru was able to gauge the approximate amount of time that they had wasted climbing up and up the steep stairs and whined about it the moment he had cleared the last step.

"Who builds five-days worth of stairs!?" he shouted, looking down at the wide steps which his crew continued mechanically scaling and scaling. Lum floated down beside him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He shrugged her off with a light roll of his shoulder and she stepped down, settling for his single arm instead. "You got off easy, you know" Ataru scowled. "You can fly!"

"What's to stop you from flying, Darling?" Lum asked. "This is heaven. Shouldn't you be able to fly too?" Ataru looked down at his feet and hopped up, hoping to stay in the air. He landed back down. He tried jumping higher but landed just the same. "Hmm. I guess that's just a rumor."

"From who?" Ataru asked. "Who would know enough to make that rumor!?"

"Take it easy, Moroboshi" Ryuunosuke said as she mounted the final step and turned to sit on it. "At least we made it. There's no reason to complain as long as we get the good results, right?"

"That seems more like something you would say, Darling" Lum said, turning to Ataru. "Maybe all the sunlight is changing your personality."

"I hope not" Ataru said. "Let me check." He crouched down and started rubbing Ryuunosuke's back, up and down her spine. Lum just watched, knowing full well that whatever she did wouldn't hurt him and whatever Ryuunosuke wouldn't hurt him either. Ataru then reached around and suddenly grabbed her breasts, prompting both women to glow with rage.

"HEY!" Ryuunosuke shouted. She grabbed Ataru's arms over her shoulders and tossed him down the stairs. He didn't hit any stairs as he fell until he had completely cleared the sluggishly marching crew. It was about two days before Ataru managed to climb his way back up and meet with everyone, still smugly giggling and smiling at his triumph.

"When we get back to Earth" Lum lowed "I'm going to send you right back here!" Ataru waved his hand and giggled.

"How should we proceed?" Mendo asked, taking the front of the movement. "Moroboshi is the one who brought us here, in one way or another, so I believe he should go first to announce our arrival."

"Ah, good idea" Ataru said. He walked to the front of the group with Lum close behind and entered the great entrance hall. He led the company some distance into the gilded hallway, paneled with the cleanest and largest rice-paper walls with the bright glowing of sun-light lamps overhead, looking in all directions for a direction to head. "Hello?" Ataru called. "Anybody home?"

"Isn't that rude, Darling?" Lum asked.

"Well, we were sort of invited in, weren't we?" Ataru said. "I think it's rude that we haven't been received yet. HELLO!?" he called again. "Amaterasu? Are you in right now? We've come from space to see you! Helloooo?" Ataru sighed and stopped in the hall to rest. He had come to the first departing in the hallway and was wracked with the indecision of which way to go. He could go straight, down the same continuous hallway that stretched on into a fog of yellow light, or take a left into a hallway that was gilded with more ornate coverings of gold and silver and glinting, precious jewels adorning weapons and shields that lined the walls. Of course, Ataru chose the path of riches.

"He's wandering the wrong way" Mendo said as he watched Ataru dash of giggling. Lum lingered behind and listened to Mendo talk. "Obviously, the path to heaven is paved not with riches but with good will and patience. If we are expected to find Amaterasu, her heavenly graciousness, on our own, she will expect us to be smart enough to know which hallway to take when the divide comes up. Moroboshi, obviously, is not that smart."

"Smart or not" Lum said defiantly "Darling is the one who got us here. Besides, what kind of Godly being would test people if she's supposed to love them so much?" Tobimaro stifled a giggle at the irony of Lum questioning the wrath of a heavenly being. She floated after Ataru and was followed quickly by Benten and Ryuunosuke.

"Everyone!" Mendo called to the crew, his sword held over his head heroically. "Please, follow me! I shall ensure us-"

"Quick! After Ataru!" a man in the front of the group shouted.

"He's quick, don't let him get too far ahead!" a woman called.

"No man left behind, Dappya!" a Dappya-monster shouted. Mendo was left in shock as the entire crew veered down the hall of riches after Ataru and Lum, leaving Mendo and Tobimaro standing at the crossing alone with a lonely, warm wind sweeping past them.

"Cheer up, Shu-chan" Tobimaro said as Mendo sank to his knees. "I know better than they do as well, riches do not lead a man to heaven alone. Let's embark alone. We'll find them all before too long." Tobimaro looked down at Mendo and found himself surprised at his reenacted attempts at ritual suicide for the umpteenth time, his eyes streaking tears and his mouth blubbering syllables.

"It's over" he said as he vainly wiggled his dagger into his gut. "All my respect, gone. All my command.....gone...." Tobimaro sighed and blew his bangs out of his eyes. He picked Mendo up by the arm and led him, a wobbling staggering former respectable man, down the royal hall without riches as was his original intent....

* * *

After what seemed to be hours of aimless wandering and admiration of the great, heavenly treasures in Amaterasu's hall, Ataru and the ship's crew came to a great, golden gate guarded by two giants in heavy armor wielding great, bejeweled spears. The giants took no notice the the group initially, as they were like ants to them, but when Ataru and Lum crossed the royal threshold together the spears were swung down and pointed down at the frozen couple.

"Ambush!" Benten shouted in reflex. Ryuunosuke slapped her back to her senses and pulled her forward. The giant guards parted their spears and aimed both parties down.

"Who art thou!?" the right guard demanded.

"From where doth thou come?" the left asked.

"Uhhhh...." Ataru groaned, stunned into silence.

"Greetings" Ryuunosuke began with a polite bow, undaunted by the huge weapon aimed at her chest. "We are humans from Earth, Fukujinn warriors and one Oni, come to see Amaterasu."

"An Oni?" the right said, drawing back his spear. The left giant drew back as well and they shared a glance. "What state is our heaven in when Oni may come hither and thither as they please?"

"Mayhap it is not the Oni we think it be" the left said. "What Oni is this? Show them promptly!" At his command, Lum hesitantly detached from Ataru's arm and flew up into plain sight of their eye level. The giants leaned forward and gave Lum a detailed leering. "Oh, so it be this Oni?" the left one said.

"She's far too pretty for an Oni that I've ever seen" the right declared. "Is she perhaps some crossed-spawning of a human and a demon?" Lum huffed and furrowed her brow. "Ah! Look now! Her demon side comes out!" Lum's fangs jutted up from her lower lip and lightning began crackling around her in a cloudy nebula. "Her furious rage shall level this place! We must quell her at once!" The giants stepped back and held their spears tight while Lum fumed and hovered back down in a huff.

"Ah! Don't attack!" Ataru shouted. "She's harmless, except to me, I swear!"

"What's that mean!?" Lum shouted, trying to zap Ataru, forgetting in her subjected embarassment that in heaven there was no pain. All her angry electricity was drained out and crackled off of Ataru in a brilliant glow. She hung onto his shirt, panting and smoking from her powerful discharge, her uniform from space tattered and hanging in strips off of her skin. Ataru patted her back and she fell into him.

"See?" Ataru said.

"You, boy" the right giant declared, pointing the spear back at Ataru who nervously retreated a step and threw up his arms in surrender. "You sound familiar. Pray tell, doth thou have some relation to the Divine Mother of All Creation, Amaterasu-Sama?"

"Uhhh" Ataru began, "well, I kinda brought us here by calling her earlier. You didn't happen to hear that....did you?"

"Ah, but we did!" the left giant said with a smile. The giants turned to each other and nodded. "Her Heavenly Graciousness has been awaiting your arrival, Ataru Moroboshi." The human company (and the Dappya-monsters) were shocked at the mention of Ataru's name.

"You know who I am?" Ataru said.

"Of course we do" the left giant said. "Twould be a disgrace for a heavenly body such as I to admit that I have never heard of the living embodiment of misfortune, Ataru Moroboshi! HAHAHA!!!"

"From up here" the right giant noted "you all look so small. I know your face well from closer up, mind." Ataru was fuming now too, but much more calmly than Lum was. He folded his hands into his pockets and stepped forward with his brow furrowed and his jaw tensing his words with an agggravated bite.

"So!?" he called. "Are we invited in or what?"

"Ah, of course, master Moroboshi and guests" the left giant said. The great golden gate swung slowly open, revealing a blindingly bright room of pure sunlight within. "The Great Heavenly Hostess awaits you within."

Both giants took their spears to their sides again and bowed respectfully. "Please, enter, our gracious guests of heaven." Ataru shielded his eyes and walked forward at their invite. The crew did the same, though most of them already had shades of some kind on and merely adjusted them as they proceeded.

"You think this is safe?" Benten asked. Ryuunosuke turned to her, keeping her eyes in the shade of her arm, and shrugged.

"There's no reason to think it's not" Ryuunosuke said. "I mean....it is heaven."

"I mean this meeting" Benten said. "I'm glad we made it and all, but can Moroboshi maintain himself long enough to hold a serious, legitimate pleading with the creation goddess of the world?" Ryuunosuke didn't give her an answer. Benten turned to her and saw that Ryuunosuke was holding back sweat and her pupils had shrunken in deep thought. She turned again, restoring seriousness to her face, and replied.

"Well...just believe in him" Ryuunosuke said. "That's what got us here, right? M-maybe that'll work."

"What's with the stuttering?" Benten asked.

Meanwhile, as the crew of the ship led by its relatively fearless captains and supernatural experts headed to see the divine goddess of all creation and light on Earth, Mendo and Tobimaro had hit another predictable snag.

"Come on, Shu-chan!" Tobimaro roared. "Quit killing yourself for a second and walk on your own! I'm getting tired of carrying you everywhere, you spoiled, princy, bastard!" Shutaro was huddled over himself on the ground, stabbing into his ethereal gut with his useless, cleanly polished dagger. His face had lost all its emotion and was now a blank, pale glazed-over stare into the void of space before his eyes. Tobimaro sighed and shook his head. "Come on now, are you really that useless that you can't pull yourself away long enough to get up and walk? What a pathetic son of royalty you are..." Instinctively, Tobimaro forgot his place in heaven and caught the downswing of Mendo's blade as he attacked him with a full anger sweeping over him.

"Pathetic, am I?" Mendo lowed.

"See?" Tobimaro said. "Now you're fine! Just concentrate on that anger." Mendo continued to push his sword against Tobimaro's grip and had him against the wall. From far down the hall, catching the attention of both boys with just a glimmer, a light began to approach. It illuminated the floor and moved with a rhythmic, uneven pace, like the hopping sprint of an animal. Mendo released his blade and sheathed it with a stylish swing.

"Could it be?" he wondered aloud as he walked to the middle of the hallway. "The divine, earthly avatar of Amaterasu?"

"Huh?" Tobimaro grunted.

"You uncultured trash!" Mendo growled, gripping a fist at Tobimaro. "Don't you read!?"

"I read baseball magazines" Tobimaro said "but that doesn't make me uncultured. If anything" he roared, hotly defending his livelihood of a sport, "it makes me even more cultured than you, you sportless, un-athletic....you!" Mendo turned back to the light that approached him from the distance. It came closer and closer, bringing itself into a better and more solid view as it approached. "Hey! Are you listening!?" Mendo threw his sword through Tobimaro's head and into the wall in a sudden snap of rage, then turned seamlessly back to his stoic gaze towards the light.

"It is!" he exclaimed. "It is a wolf of white carrying the sun on its back! It is the sun herself, **Amaterasu-Ookami!!!**" The being that charged his way was indeed a wolf, a great white one with glowing golden eyes and a brilliant golden aura following in its running wake. Mendo opened his arms and fell to his knees with tears of joy streaming from his eyes instead of tears of desperation and sorrow. "I did it! I knew my way was right! I beat Moroboshi to the end! I knew I could! **Take that, you bastard!!!**" The wold barreled by with the speed of a train and swept a mighty wind across the wall where Tobimaro was pinned. He finally pulled the sword from his skull and threw it down. He saw pure light in the wolf's wake but missed Mendo.

"Shu-chan?" Tobimaro called. "You alive?" Mendo was more than alive, riding on the back of the divine beast as it sprinted its way through the halls to enter the realm proper where Ataru and the company had just been, unknown to the grateful, weeping, smiling Mendo.

_I knew it!_ Mendo cheered mentally. _When they see me on the back of Amaterasu, they will stand up and cheer, 'He's so great! Long live Mendo!' and Moroboshi will cry! THAT FOOL!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!_ "I'm so happy!" Mendo cheered. He laughed the whole way to the hall of gold where the wolf sharply turned and followed on the path that Ataru had made earlier.....

* * *

The inner realm of the sun palace was a verdant, infinite garden with a glorious, shining mansion built at the top of a nearby hill that shone the light of the sun across the rolling, infinite land. The plants were imbued with the holy blessings of Amaterasu's light and grew taller than most men. Gardens of flowers extended for acres alone and were rowed and columned in an arrangement that imitated the greatest divine inspirations of Earth. Sunflowers were grown as tall as small houses and shaded the gilded, cobble-stone path that the humans walked upon to find their way. Lum tried to walk, but the path rejected her and threw into the thick stalks of the flowers each time, forcing her to hover and look down as her Darling walked in worry and contempt.

"Why can't I walk on the ground?" she asked in a huff.

"Maybe cause you're an Oni?" Benten said. Lum cooed at her curiously.

"Think about it, Lum" Ataru said. "I mean, you're technically a demon, right? And this is Heaven. They wouldn't let demons walk around freely, would they?" Lum pouted and hovered down the path in front of him. She flew around a bend and out of sight from the rest of the group.

"Who's they?" Ryuunosuke asked. Ataru shrugged.

"The Gods?" Ataru said. "You know....Amaterasu.....the others."

"Even I know most of the Gods, man" Benten said. "Don't be such an idiot."

"EEEEEK!!!" Lum shrieked. She came flying around the corner, pursued by angry, spear-wielding sunflowers, and hid behind Ataru. The sunflower warriors accosted them both and stomped on them briefly before leaving down the road and around the bend where they came from. Benten and Ryuunosuke were so shocked and taken aback with surprise that they couldn't move quick enough. Thankfully, some of the more strangeness-desensitized crew women managed to move to action and looked over the two.

"Are you alright?" a girl asked. Lum groaned as she was picked up, shook her head and floated up on her own.

"I'm fine" Lum said. "But....I'm really confused."

"What happened?" Ataru asked.

"Darling!" Lum called, her voice starting to waver. "I was attacked! They just pulled themselves from the ground and chased me with spears and tried to hurt me and I couldn't fight back and....I hate it here! Why does heaven hate me!?" Lum grabbed Ataru and began sobbing into his chest while the boy just looked up in total confusion.

"Then why'd they attack me?" he demanded. He turned his neck to Lum and looked at her accusingly. "They attacked me because you hid behind me, didn't they? What'd you think would happen!?"

"NOTHING!" Lum shouted, still sobbing. Ataru flinched at her volume and shifted his eyes to the side. He gave in with a begrudged puckering of his lips and hugged Lum as she buried her face into his chest.

"Sorry" he whispered.

"I guess they're just that way, eh?" Ryuunosuke said. "If I saw a demon walking around heaven I'd want to get it out immediately....no offense." Lum nodded her head in a nuzzle with Ataru's chest and pulled away with her eyes only brimming with tears.

"What about Benten then?" Lum asked. "Why isn't she being attacked? She's an alien too."

"Yeah" Benten said "but I'm a Fukujin, and my family's named after an actual God so....I guess they like me better. Or maybe they don't distinguish between aliens at all since the Dappya-monsters are here with us." The entire legion of fish men in environmental suits sounded off and saluted at her cue. "Calm down!" she shouted.

"Pay it no mind, madam captain" a man in black shades said. "We should proceed down the path if we must. Do not worry about the hostile plant-life. The elite Mendo guard will take care of them for you."

"HO!" a group of men shouted. They leaped into scene, before Ataru and Lum, with various gardening implements equipped that had spawned from out of the thin, angelic air.

"Proceed cautiously, young stand-in master" the head guard said.

"Alright" Ataru agreed. "Everyone, forward!" The company marched forward, led by Ataru, guarded by the expert guardeners protecting the front of the group and men lining each side of the larger procession to protect the girls and defenseless, wonder-struck Dappyas. They rounded the corner and spotted the same sunflowers casually standing and shifting their legs impatiently, like they were on break. The men held up Ataru, who held up those behind him and started a chain reaction of people stopping each other as they waited for the men at the front to take action.

"I wonder" one of the guards said in a low and halted whisper "is attacking these guys like a declaration if they're guards like us?"

"What do you mean?" the apparent leading guard said.

"If they're Amaterasu's guards" another man said "would attacking them make us....bad?" Suddenly, the sunflowers were alert and took up their bamboo-stalk spears to charge at the men.

"Whatever!" the head guard shouted. "If we sin in heaven we will repent immediately!!! **ATTACK!!!**"

"**HO!!!**" the guardeners shouted. They clashed weapons with the sunflowers and held each other in place in a powerful stand-off, struggling against their force on equal ground. Finally, one force slipped past the other and a guardener managed to cut the head from a sunflower as it guarded its side from attack.

"Nice attack!" Ataru shouted. Just as the ling was broken, the man was stabbed by the sunflower's still-moving body and he let out a deathly groan as he staggered back. He looked down dramatically at his hands and saw them fading into the air.

"Gah!" he exclaimed. "I've sinned! I have to repent before I vanish!" He got down on his knees, still with the bamboo spear shoved through his body, and began praying silently.

"Don't stop!" Benten shouted. She saw the sunflower's body praying as well, across from its foe, as it was fading just as fast for killing him. "What the hell!?"

"Well, they were attacking humans" Ryuunosuke figured "so I guess they were just as much in the wrong as we were."

"Then why didn't they vanish after stomping on me!?" Ataru demanded. "There's something wrong with Heaven's judgment policy on me, and I don't like it!"

"Well, you're married to a demon, aren't you?" a girl said from behind, irking both Lum and Ataru for different reasons.

"**ENOUGH!!!"** A great, commanding, booming voice roared. From beyond the high stalks of the heavenly sunflower wall a light appraoched. A light as bright as the sun, brighter than a thousand watts of energy. A divine and slender woman's hand twisted down a knob that decreased the heavenly glare to a mere, earthly 5 watts, and down from the air descended the royal, beautiful, heavenly vision that was the Great Sun Goddess, **Amaterasu!** She stood between Ataru and his guards, looking down on the company from her high, hovering perch, with a conceded yet merciful and benevolent look across her face. "There shall be no more violence in our realm. So declares the Heavenly One, Amatera-"

Ataru was standing directly under her, looking up her billowing dress. Ryuunosuke facepalmed. Benten bent over and sputtered stifled laughter through her pressed lips. Amaterasu descended instantly and crushed Ataru's head into the cobbled pathway beneath her shining, golden geta sandals. The encounter with the Goddess finally happened....though it could have gone better...


	38. Chapter 38

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Heavenly, Divine, Childish!!! The World is Saved at Last!

* * *

Ataru and his company were brought into the stately, sunny mansion of the Matron Goddess. Ataru, Benten and Ryuunosuke were invited to sit with her while Lum was forced to stand in the corner off and away from the conversation at the regal, heavenly table. Amaterasu sat on her own side of the table, facing her gracious Earthly guests with a radiating aura of light and benevolence around her head. Her wattage was turned down to its dimmest setting so that her personal sun-shine was neither glaring or dark but just radiant enough to emphasize her own greatness.

"We greet you humbly to our home" the goddess spoke. She gave a polite, sitting bow to her company, all of whom but Lum did the same. Lum felt that she wasn't being addressed and simply huffed her head to the side. "We are Amaterasu. What may we do to aid you brave mortals who have ventured so far into our realm to meet with us?"

"Is there more than one of you or something?" Benten asked. Ryuunosuke jabbed her with an elbow and leaned in close to her.

"She's talking fancy" Ryuunosuke whispered to Benten. "Just go with it. When she says 'we' it means me, got it?"

"You don't gotta hit me for it" Benten whispered back. She kicked Ryuunosuke under the table, and a childish scuffle ensued as they kicked and nudged each other on at the edge of their end of the table. Ataru, being the only one left to talk, cleared his throat and braced his eyes to stare deeply into the beautiful face of Amaterasu. He squeezed his legs hard so the pain would distract his instincts to leap across the table lecherously at a divine being.

"Great Amaterasu" Ataru began respectfully, "we have indeed traveled a very far and long distance to see you. Originally, we were alive, traveling in a great metal ship through space to the sun in order to save the Earth. You see, somehow, out of seemingly nowhere, another sun appeared in our galaxy and has been overheating the Earth to dangerous levels. The humans have reached their limit to coping with it and are in dire need of saving by removing the new sun before it roasts our planet into a steamy dumpling."

"Is that the truth of the matter?" Amaterasu asked. Ataru nodded diligently. Ryuunosuke and Benten were pushing at each other's faces with their hands and had their legs coiled together. Amaterasu turned to Lum who was looking at her with a marked resent and she nodded. "Oni-girl, why do you show spite in our presence?" Amaterasu asked.

"I'm Lum!" Lum said. "Don't call me 'Oni-girl' when you know I have a proper name!"

"Don't upset the sun goddess, Lum" Ataru said in all, plain seriousness. He turned his attention back to speaking his matter, but he saw that Amaterasu's gaze wasn't directed at him anymore. It was caught with Lum's as a visible line of sparks shot between their eyes, Oni and Goddess battling it out with their hot glares.

"It's tense in here" a Mendo guard said as he wrung the fabric of his pants in his hands nervously.

"It's like breathing the air is impossible" another said. Ataru flinched at them.

"Where'd you guys come from?" he asked.

"We were former Kuroko guard" a guard said "but we transferred to Shutaro's branch because, well...."

"His sister's insane" the other said shamelessly. Amaterasu stood up, still locked onto Lum, and put on a heavenly smile.

"Come, Lum" she began. "Can we not be civil? As ladies of our standing should be? We invite thou to sit at our table, and we shall hear from you just as equally as we have heard of your husband."

"We're not married" Ataru said. "Not not not" he stated flatly. Lum hovered over and sat next to him anyway, glad to be a part of the table but reserving her emotions away from her current enemy. Ryuunosuke and Benten had stopped struggling visibly and were now exchanging childish blows to the shoulder.

"It's just like Darling says" Lum attested. "There's an extra sun in orbit with the regular sun and it's causing a dramatic increase in the Earth's temperature. We tried to move it, but we were attacked by an enemy battleship and forced to abandon our mission. Darling saved all our lives by calling for you as our ship burned up falling into the smaller sun's gravitational field." Amaterasu held the illusion that she was listening intently to what she considered a plea for help from her subjects.

She, however, was such an old-fashioned and aged deity that she had no idea what a ship would look like that could sail anywhere but in the ocean to fish or to possibly travel along the tides to a further port to trade. The last time she had made a lengthy measure of the world's assets had been an incredibly long time ago, when she was still seriously worshiped and fought for by soldiers and men all over the countryside.

Now she just tilted her head in inquisition on Lum's mention to all the pseudo-technical terms she used. "It's simple!" Lum exclaimed. Ataru palmed her shoulder and brought her back down to sit beside him as she hadn't noticed that she was hovering in anger.

"The fact remains" Ataru said "that we desperately need your help, Amaterasu." Amaterasu looked at him, as if expecting him to continue somehow. Ataru cleared his throat and added "Oh Great Sun Goddess, bringer of life and all that is sunny to the world" to her title. She was sufficed with his efforts and nodded to him. She pulled out a fan and opened it before her face, waving it slowly to elevate her impeccably regal appearance even further.

"We must deliberate the true nature of this problem you have presented" Amaterasu began "for we still know not fully what claims thou have made unto us. There is a second sun, and you reached it by means of a boat. Does this not qualify all humans to do as you have and take such boats off of the planet until the Gods have made things better? Can they not wait for us to be done with our heavenly duties before descending to them at their every wish?"

"They can't, really" Ataru said. "People may have died from this already."

"What!?" Amaterasu exclaimed. "Death from the sun? It is not possible! The sun is a great, loving, life-giving entity! None should be able to die form it! That is...it is absurd. I do not believe you!"

"What happened to 'we'?" Benten said. Ryuunosuke nudged her again and got shoved back in retaliation.

"Just take a look out your window" Lum said "or out your portal or whatever you use to look at the Earth with and you'll see what's happening!"

"I suppose I could" Amaterasu hesitantly said. "Though, we shall not act on the designs of an Oni. We shall act of our own benevolence towards our mortal subjects who have sent their own into my realm to call upon me. Ataru Moroboshi, please make your company at home in my mansion. We shall take a venture out to your world for but a brief moment of thy time and return when we have decided upon the solution to the problem thou have presented to us."

_Big-mouthed windbag_ Lum thought.

"We can stay here?" Ataru said. Amaterasu nodded. Ataru stood up and brought Lum up with him and they both bowed deeply to the Goddess' hospitality.

"Thank you very much, great Amaterasu!" Ataru said.

"Thank you, heavenly Amaterasu" Ryuunosuke said with a polite, sitting bow.

"Thanks, ma'am" Benten said. Amaterasu bowed gracefully as she left the room and traveled out of her mansion, using her heavenly powers to make the great journey into the living realm to see the very problem that Ataru had brought to her. This left the mortals under the guard of her sunflowers and guards while they managed to find hospitality in her home. After a stroke of luck in turning through the halls, Ataru found the main sitting room, a gallant and expansive room decorated in all kinds of royal ornaments and regal apparel with long stretches of silk carpet and beautiful, standing wardrobes and dressers lined up as walls.

"I guess she likes clothes" Ataru said. Lum flew over him and opened wardrobe after wardrobe, seeing the most heavenly and fantastically sewn and crafted kimonos she had ever seen.

"Well" Lum said cynically "she's got good taste, guess."

"Are we allowed to try them on?" Ryuunosuke asked hopefully. Ataru shook his head slowly, knowing that Lum was in trouble regardless of what he tried to say to stop her, and just enjoyed his innocent stance on the matter for once....

* * *

As Amaterasu departed her Giant guards were confronted with a perplexing riddle offered by a young man who claimed to be in pursuit of a heavenly wolf that had gone by. They had seen the wolf but did not tell him where it went, which led to Tobimaro grinning arrogantly as the Giants thumbed their chins and scratched their heads, pondering the question he had posed to them to distract them as he stood and waited for a reply. The innocently naïve boy forgot the key element of confusing guards was to sneak past them as they thought about it....

"But who is on first base?" the left giant asked.

"Yes" Tobimaro said.

"It confounds me!" the right giant proclaimed. "Is who not the name of the person on first, rather than the question itself?"

"'Who' is on first" the left giant said. "Ah! That must make sense! Of course!"

"Then what of the rest of it?" the right giant said. It was now that Tobimaro's mind caught up to itself and he attempted to sneak past the guards and into the heavenly garden, through the door between them. "Can the same principal be so applied?"

"Let us see" the left said, reviewing the riddle in his head while Tobimaro huffed and panted his way up the long flight of stairs into the light. "Is 'What' such a fashionable word that it has indeed become a proper given name for a man?"

"Has it?" the right giant said. Tobimaro successfully made his way past them. Fortunately, they were dim with riddles, allowing Tobimaro more than enough time to pass even with his delay...

Shutaro, meanwhile, continued to ride on the back of what he thought was Amaterasu herself as the great white wolf ran through the thicket of thick, sturdy suflower stalks towards a distant, ever-shining mansion.

_She is taking me to her own heavenly court_ Mendo realized. _Soon all my efforts on Earth shall be accounted and vindicated here in heaven. My failure to slay Moroboshi is the only thing I must pray shall be overlooked as a failure in a righteous deed. Oh, how gloriously fortunate I am to have been in such a place at such a time. Heavenly deity, do not slow for anything!_

"Take me to the ultimate heaven, oh Great Amaterasu-sama!" Mendo hollered in excitement. "Take me to the heaven Moroboshi will never get to see!" He laughed the rest of the way there, all the way into the mansion and through its winding halls, passing all manner of heavenly guard standing armed with spears and great suits of armor, zooming by with the speed of a jet and the power of a wolf all the way to the same room where Ataru and his company relaxed and read scrolls.

"Huh, turns out we were wrong about that" Ataru said. "Atlantis never existed."

"Wait, doesn't that mean we're right?" Ryuunosuke asked. The wolf stopped with a stomp right in the doorway with Mendo's face broken in confusion and his fists clutching tight at the fur on its back. His eyes were wide and curled up at the lower corners by his gaping, twitching, over-surprised mouth. Ataru looked right at him.

"Mendo!" he shouted. "You took a wrong turn, man. We already met Amaterasu, too. She'll be back in a second."

"**Hnnnnwhat!?**" Mendo growled as he dismounted the wolf. He was panting hateful, angry breaths and stood with his fingers curling and his jaw largely distended from his inflated head.  
**If you've already met the maiden-matron Goddess, WHAT IS THAT BEHIND ME!?!?!?**" Mendo pointed up, but Ataru looked down past him. The great white wolf, behind Mendo, had shrunken down to an innocent, puppy size no taller than Mendo's hips and sat wagging its tail and staring up at Mendo's angrily pointing finger. He growled deeply with each breath while the puppy wolf just smiled and licked at his finger, just out of reach.

"Awww" Lum cooed. "He's so cute!" The puppy saw Lum floating towards him and barked with a voice so innocent and heavenly even she couldn't deny its divinity as a godly thing. Of course it rushed at her like a puppy, it licked her like a puppy and she pet and cuddled it like a puppy, so in the end it was in fact a puppy, and Mendo's face once again broke down in a depressing fall. Ataru moved up next to him and slung an arm over his shoulders while using his dead weight to lean.

"It looks like a dog to me, Mendo" Ataru said. "Who's to say that even the Gods don't have pets, right? Of course, I've never read any big myths centered around Amaterasu's puppy. Have you?" Ataru looked at Mendo, whose rage began to easily subside his depression, and an explosion of anger built within him to a bursting point. Ataru was thrown off as his face expanded and glowed a bright red.

"**ARE YOU SERIOUS!?"** Mendo shouted, startling both Lum and the puppy away from the coddling embrace. "I've not only died and gone to the same rule-twisted heaven as Moroboshi, but in the end all the faith and trust I placed in this animal has been for naught! It has only led me back here to my perpetual living hell, a menace named Ataru and all the malignancy he brings!"

"Hey" Ataru said, taking offense, "we're in heaven now, Mendo! Get over it!" Mendo could not get over it. He began to cry in his mixture of rage and anguish, of sadness and wrath.

"All that I know" Mendo began in a weeping low "is nothing but a lie....all pretty falsehoods dressed up into courteasans that steal away my eyes from the more important regal matters. I am a lost man, cast adrift on a current of shame and woe!"

"Huh?" Ataru grunted. Mendo snapped around and swung his blade into the floor, right through Ataru who remained stunned and unharmed.

"**I'm saying you're a JACKASS, MOROBOSHI!!!"** Mendo shouted.

"No you weren't!" Ataru shouted. "Wait....were you?" he said with a more inquizitive voice. Mendo just growled until his voice burst out in a roar and he gave chase.

"I'll cut you to ribbons" Mendo shouted "and then tie them together to be cut over and over again! You hear me!? Immortality shall be the grave of your undoing, you wretch!!!" Mendo chased Ataru a full lap around the boundless room until he was stopped suddenly by the interuption of Lum who hovered down between them. Ataru stopped as well and hid behind her. "Please, Miss Lum, stand aside!"

"No!" Lum shouted.

"....just no?" Mendo said. Lum leaned into him, intimidating him by hovering up over his height and pressing him to bend backwards away from her.

"What gives you the right" she demanded "to chase my Darling around like that, Mendo?"

"Heavenly mandate?" Mendo seriously said.

"Don't do it anymore!" Lum demanded. Mendo fell down to the floor and inched away from the demon-fanged girl in fear as she sparked volts of pure energetic anger while holding a scathing snarl at him. Ataru just stood behind her and watched from a respectable distance. "I'm tired of this! Even in heaven you're always picking fights with him! Darling's the one who got us here, Darling's the one who helped convince Amaterasu that we need help, and right now Darling is in charge! I won't have somebody come in and try to throw him off just because they don't like him! Got it, Shutaro!?" Mendo lay silent on the ground, his face full of shock, but with a clean sweep of his hand over his hair his charm and charisma returned. He crawled out from under Lum and stood back up, brushing his shirt even though heaven's floors had no dust to track. He smirked, completely recovered from the debilitating chiding, and turned to Ataru, his gaze passing right by Lum.

"What a trick, Moroboshi" Mendo said. "You've played your cards well to have someone of such apparent dignity fall into the deep pits of your piteous fleetingness. I'd applaud you, honestly, if there was anything in this act worth celebrating."

"What are you saying, Mendo?" Ataru said with scorn.

"It should be obvious" Mendo said.

"Well, I'm not that smart" Ataru admitted shamelessly. "Use smaller words."

"What I'm saying" Mendo began in a low, full of rage and a darkening of his brow, "is that it's impressive how **you've trained Lum like a beaten dog to come to your defense whenever it conveniences you.**" In that wording both Ataru and Lum were devastated and overcome with a rush of offended emotions.

"I'm here!" Tobimaro exclaimed as he walked through the door. "Introducing, her heavenly maiden-ship, Amaterasu!" He bowed and parted from the door where Amaterasu entered, showing a defeated spirit in her expression, not at all aided by Tobimaro's waving fingers and jazz-hands to accompany her entrance....

* * *

All at once they were ushered back to the sitting room where they had been before and the walls were opened to the outside. Out of the opening of doors the mortals were treated to a breathtaking view of Amaterasu's personal garden where the flowers all shined like suns and the grass was as radiant and golden as glistening wheat. A tranquil sector of eternal, golden shining light with a pool that eternally flowed with clear water and was inhabited by the most royally colored koi, each strong enough to jump up to fifty meters in the air as they wished and nimble enough to land with barely a splash back into their pond. It was here that their meeting resumed.

"We have traveled there and back" Amaterasu began "to bring you the grim truth which thou have claimed. The Earth is indeed in a dire situation, and thus, I plead you to aid my subjects."

_What!?_ They all thought in accidental unison.

"But" Mendo began "that's why _we_ are here. We need _you_, Gracious Goddess Amaterasu, to help _us..._If we still had the ability to do this on our own, we would have!"

"Yeah" Ataru said, withholding his anger at Mendo for the present to focus on matters at hand.

"Can't you do anything abut it yourself?" Lum asked. "Aren't you the sun yourself? Can't you dim the light so the earth isn't so hot?"

"We cannot" Amaterasu said. "The heat and the light of the sun has been set in stone as to its approximate wattage and constant output of regulated solar energy. There is nothing can be done by us, as great in power as we are...."

_What was that near the middle?_ Lum wondered.

"What about the second sun?" Mendo asked. "If you are the sun, which undoubtedly you are as radiant and royal as you are, great Goddess, can you know where that second sun came from or how to get rid of it?"

"We do not" Amaterasu said sadly. The group hung their heads in despair. "We offer our humblest of apologies to you, who have traveled through an impossible reach of space to reach us, but we are without thought on how to resolve this matter...." From the joining hallway where the group returned from came the little heavenly puppy running his way in and barking happily. He made a straight rush for Amaterasu's lap and pawed his way up so that his face rested on the table. His gentle presence and playful young eyes relieved all the depression in the mortals and summoned up a simultaneous cooing from all of them.

"So cuuuuute!" they all said. Mendo was the first to snap from the trance and fell into a deeply-set expression of thorough analysis and intriguing deduction. He sat back while everyone leaned across the table to stare at the happy, panting puppy and he thought.

"He is so, is he not?" Amaterasu said, taking a hand to his fluffy head and petting him down. "He is our faithful companion, come to our realm some recent yet distant time past, from out of the horizons beyond this heaven itself."

"From beyond heaven...." Mendo repeated, his mind intently racing. "Recent yet distant....."

"He's so adorable" Lum said. "May I pet him?"

"Of course" Amaterasu said, offering no thought to Lum being an Oni at all, for all were equal to her when a cute puppy was sitting in her lap. Lum happily pet the puppy which panted with glee and barked up at her in response.

"So cute!" Lum exclaimed.

"Aww" Ryuunosuke, even Ryuunosuke, cooed. "Little tyke. What's his name?"

"We have adorned him with a name to fit his royal seat with us" Amaterasu said. She grabbed her puppy under his front legs and held him up next to her face which curled in an innocent smile and tilted to the side with an innocent dip. "His name is '**Hamcho the Puppy!**'" That's when the group froze, all but Mendo, with faces full of whited shock. They all slowly sat back properly and stared wide-eyed as the Goddess gleefully giggled and received her puppy's licks on her cheek.

"Hamcho...." Benten said.

"...yeah. The Puppy" Ryuunosuke added.

"That's a name?" Lum said.

"Sounds kinda....huh" Ataru said. Tobimaro didn't speak. He was too taken aback by the sudden reveal and had stopped breathing. Mendo, who remained somehow immune to it all, finished thinking and stood up.

"Great Amaterasu" he said, pulling her attention away from her Hamcho the Puppy. "I have a theory. I ask, will you listen to the words of a mortal with the same attention you would give the wise words of a prophet?"

"We shall" Amaterasu said. "Please, speak freely, young mortal." Mendo cleared his throat and prepared what seemed to be a lengthy speech.

"You say that" he began "your companion arrived from outside the borders of heaven, not unlike how the extra sun in our Earthly sky appeared so suddenly and without scientific explanation, as if a tiny micro-star had somehow managed to wander its way into our solar system and caught orbit with the Sun." Amaterasu nodded to show that her interest was indeed still kept. "In the timing, a single day here is but minutes on Earth. So, I can assume that by your wording, his dog came to you a few days ago in terms of Earth's calendar. Could you agree to this?"

"Yes" Amaterasu answered.

"So then we can go on the assumption" Mendo continued "that by anointing that dog as a divine being equal to your own court, you blessed it with the equal to your own powers, correct?"

"He does share in our divinity" Amaterasu said. "We have granted him a part of our radiance and our brilliance. See? On his collar there is a little bulb, like on our head!" Amaterasu showed off the tiny wattage emitter that controlled the puppy's brightness just as her own intensified the glow of her heavenly aura. Again, the embarrassed shock froze all the group but Mendo as the tackiness of what they saw had drained their minds of thought.

"I may have assumed so" Mendo said. "So then, this puppy of yours is as much of a sun as you are, only smaller?"

"That is so" Amaterasu agreed.

"And as you are the sun in the sky, with this puppy in your court so to is he a sun with you."

"Of course."

"So then that dog is the other sun that's baking the Earth!" Mendo called in accusation. Amaterasu only half-nodded her head, then looked between her dog and the debating Mendo and gave him a stern, flat and stubborn

"No."

"What!?" Mendo growled. "Don't argue with me! You know I'm right!"

"Shh!" Ataru hushed. "Don't shout at the-"

"Shut up, Ataru!" Mendo ordered. "You know I'm right! We need to fix this problem, and it's sitting right in your lap!" Amaterasu silently placed Hamcho the Puppy on the ground and stood up, her face withholding great fuming breaths of rage. Mendo felt the retaliation swelling against him, but he did not move. His rage was so undirected that he even contested the most irrefutable and infallible of the gods in his anger. Amaterasu wasted no time. She reached up to her forehead and cranked her wattage up to its maximum, emitting a glaring, blasting light that blinded everyone who wasn't braced for it. Mendo managed to shield his eyes but even the shadow of his arm seemed narrow to that bright and searing light.

"Seems bright" an unaffected Mendo guard said.

"Yeah it does" another said. All the guards sitting within sight of the brilliant light just nodded and kept looking forward.

"How dare you?" Amaterasu lowed. "**How dare you!?** You would accuse us, the Highest Divinity, of leaving the suffering of humankind within our power while doing nothing about it!?"

"I do not only accuse" Mendo said "but I can prove such a thing!" Mendo shut his eyes tight and reached up, turning down her wattage back to its lowest light setting possible so that he could continue unimpeded. The rest of his friends were still blinded by huge, bright spots in their eyes. "You....you aren't so different in your greedy ways from any mortal, you know? All these ornate decorations and regalities, what are they for!? Is it some perpetuate concept of humanity, to be surrounded by hollow possessions wherever they go!? And that name! I'm not the only one thinking it, but what kind of child-minded woman would take any kind of pride in giving a name like that to such an innocent and respectable creature!? What are you, a child!? A spoiled, rotten, dramatic little **brat!?**"

"Don't you find what you're saying ironic at all?" Tobimaro asked.

"You are a Goddess" Mendo growled, ignoring his rival's words. "**Stop acting like a little girl and take responsibility for this problem!!**" His scathing words had stunned Amaterasu just as he had stunned Ataru and Lum earlier, and her paralyzed state reminded Ataru and Lum of those scorching remarks he made to them in passing before the Goddess returned. Amaterasu was speechless before the man. Mendo took her shoulder with a calming, careful hand, and met her staring eyes. She saw, though without a heavenly aura around him, how beautiful this mortal was and she could see the earnest truth in his eyes.

"......but" Amaterasu began, averting her eyes and searching for her puppy, "we cannot. Hamcho the Puppy found us, and chose us, out of any other heaven and any other God! He is a good boy, one worthy of a heavenly home and a Godly upbringing. We could not bear to part with him at all. He is....worth too much to us..." Amaterasu began to softly weep, hiding her tears with the sleeve of her robe. She turned away and sat on the floor where her puppy walked over and laid his head in her lap, trying to brighten her face with his cuteness. "We love him so! We can never part with him!" She sobbed for a moment and then looked through her tears and the puppy's adorable face perched on the robes of her folded lap. She looked down and smiled at him.

"So cute..." she said. Mendo walked to her side and grasped her shoulder once more, meeting her eyes with the resonating force of order in his, and she looked back to her puppy. Hamcho looked up at her with an innocent expression and gave out a sweet bark.....

* * *

Some time later, after the goddess had her time to grieve over the decision, the mortals were all gathered in her infinite field of flowers to be transported back to Earth all at once, and with them was Hamcho. Amaterasu stood before them on the fields of golden grass with her lower lip bit and two guards in blazing golden armor at either side.

"We are prepared, my great Heavenly Lady" the guard to her right said.

"The mortals have declared their readiness as well" the left guard said. "They have prayed for your blessings of safe transport."

"We shall pray again" Mendo declared "upon our return once everything is well again. I apologize that it must be this way, but it can only be trouble if this shining sun were to remain in the sky. We will find a place for it in the heavens so that you may always see him. I promise you that." Amaterasu avoided Mendo's eyes and instead met those of her sweet puppy Hamcho, who sat at Mendo's feet with his tail wagging innocently and his tongue drooped cutely out of his mouth. Amaterasu whimpered and shied her eyes away.

"We hope that you shall" she said. "Hamcho the Puppy, we will miss you...and we love you." Hamcho barked to answer her and howled briefly, as if to sympathize with her pain and coddle her insecurity over his leaving. She gave one final show of sadness as a tear streaked down her cheek, cool and glistening with the light of the ocean in the brightest, cloudless day, and then she waved the mortals away in a great blast of light. The mortals were spirited back to Earth, right at the Mendo mansion estate as Mendo himself had suggested, and Amaterasu was left to console herself with no puppy to cheer herself up....

"My great Heavenly Lady" one of the guards said, "why could you not simply remove the divine blessing that was bestowed upon lord Hamcho the Puppy so that he could remain here without being a second sun in the sky?"

"It cannot be done that way" Amaterasu said. "He is eternally blessed with our touch, and he has once stayed in heaven for too long. Just as if those mortals had been blessed with even a tear from my cheek or a kiss from my lips, they too would be eternally bound to this realm as my divine equal....."

"I see" the other guard said.

"We feel for you, great Heavenly Mother-Goddess" the right guard said. "Truly we do. How, if ever, shall we know of Lord Hamcho the Puppy's return to the sky as the mortals had promised to quest upon?" Amaterasu looked to the shining golden sky above her and moved her hands. With just that the sky was cleared and **every star from ever corner of all of space was visible above her.** All stars surrounding the Earth and all stars yet out of its sight were her canopy, and even in their black void surrounding the light they gave was intense enough for the flowers to grow yet soft enough for the gentle, kind-hearted Goddess to sleep through.

"There" Amaterasu said, pointing to a random area of space that instantly became vacant as the lights were pushed from it. With her divine powers she formed a giant frame of stars in the sky where a blackness was centered. "That is where we decree shall be the home of our puppy, pure and innocent little Hamcho the Puppy...the cutest puppy in all of heaven!" And so Amaterasu waited in her garden and glanced skyward all the time, knowing that it would be to her what would seem like years until that space was filled. But she knew, in time, by the faithful words of the handsome and trustworthy mortal she would see a star illuminate that vacant area of the sky and a new sun would in the universe be born....

* * *

Meanwhile, just as the mortal group returned to Earth so too did its light and heat from the extra sun leave now that said sun was manifest as a puppy in the arms of gallant and cocky Mendo.

"When has the lead ever been from my grasp?" Mendo asked. "When none of you dared to stand up to the Goddess, her Glory, Amaterasu, who but I was strong enough to speak to her the true truth? Huh?" He turned, an arrogant smile on his face, and ignored the wrathful glares and pouts of Ataru and Lum. "It was **me! Only me! MUAHAHAHA!!!**" Hamcho sensed the struggle about to ensue and hopped from Mendo's arms over to Tobimaro's legs.

"Now I'm no fighter" Ataru said as he walked up to Mendo "but I think a four-figure leg hold looks something like **THIS!!!**" In his sudden, brilliant rage, Ataru swept Mendo from his feet and clutched his legs into a painful wrestling hold.

"Are you mad, Moroboshi!?" Mendo shouted. Ataru clutched tighter and Mendo slammed on the grass in an attempted to tap-out. "STOP! I GIVE! NO MORE! ENOUGH, I SAY! GUARDS, HELP ME!!!"

"Uhhhh" the guards groaned. Mendo didn't see, just over his down-turned face, hovered a demon with a menacing glow of pure energy. Ataru released his hold and rolled away, shielding his eyes with stolen shades and grinning happily. Mendo saw an arc of lightning touch down, sparking from off of Lum's foot, and he nervously turned up to her.

"**....beaten dog?" **Lum growled. Mendo had no more words. He held in his breath to scream while Lum electrocuted him with the wrathful, flashing power of the Thunder God, all seen by the eyes of an ecstatic Shinobu from the Mendo family room's giant window.

In the end, however it happened, everyone returned safely......except Mendo, who was hospitalized promptly. The mission was successful at last!!!


	39. Chapter 39

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Return to Earth! What's Everyone up to Now?

* * *

The immediate response of the Earth's instantaneous cooling down and the astrological anomoly being restored was a search for the savior of the planet to get a few words of wisdom from him. Mendo was bedridden and barred from public contact while he healed as the painkillers he was on were slurring his speech inappropriately. Therefore, by the guide of his father, Ataru was searched for and found patrolling the now cool spring streets of Tomobiki.

"I wonder" Ataru said as he walked an empty sidewalk "where I should go today? It's bound to be crowded at the park, so there'll probably be lots of girls there. Or maybe I can go through all the ice cream shops I know of. Girls are probably there too, depending on how long they were cooped up in the heat. Or the public pool! Swimsuits galore! Hehehehe!!!" A car screeched to a stop next to him, barely pulling his attention away from the self-hug he had himself in and the nefarious, perverted chuckling he broke down into. He glanced and blinked as two men dressed in black, wearing pins that didn't show any kind of Mendo-based affiliation, came out from the back of the car and approached him quickly.

"Ataru Moroboshi?" the apparent senior official asked. Ataru looked between him and his partner and then to the black car they pulled up in. He pointed to himself and straightened his stance out. The two nodded to each other and grabbed him. Ataru was thrown into the car with minimal resistance and sat up in the seat immediately. The two men crowded him into the middle of the seat and strapped him in with maximum safety precautions.

"What the heck is going on!?" Ataru demanded.

"Press conference" the first man said.

"You've been directed to speak on behalf of your mission" the other man said. "Explain everything as it happened from the point of the view of the entire crew, if possible, and bring a sense of peace to everyone's minds."

"This conference is going to be broadcast across the entire world" the first said again "so start planning out exactly what you'll say before we get there."

"Huh" Ataru said with marked flatness and crossed his arms. "Well, in that case, I'll just need a minute or so to gather my thoughts. How long until we get there?"

"There's a bullet train waiting for us already" the first man said. "We'll be in the there in about an hour or so."

"Can we stop to get something to eat?" Ataru asked.

"We thought you'd say that" the second man said "either in an attempt to escape us or in an honest request for food, so we brought a meal for you. Your favorite, according to multiple sources..." The man snapped his fingers and from the front of the car another man, seated in the passenger seat, passed back a fold-down eating table with a covered dish on it. The lid was pulled back and an extra-large, juicy-beef filled beef bowl was before Ataru. His mouth twitched with joy. The first guard took out a pair of chopsticks packed in a sterile plastic wrap and handed them off to Ataru.

"Please eat slowly" the second man said. "We wouldn't want any kind of gaseous slip-ups when you address the entire world on what happened as you and your crew saved the planet."

"Oh, of course not!" Ataru said. He was already eating well from the bowl and sipping from a can of soda, eating slowly relative to how he usually sucked away food from the air like a human vacuum. "Heehee! Hey, you guys know where Lum is right now?"

"No" the first man said. "We, by which I mean the government, always assume her to be with you, her legal guardian family residence or in her government-protected residence in orbit. She wasn't at your home when we asked for you, she wasn't with you-"

"She isn't attacking us now" Ataru said with a full mouth.

"And we have no way of knowing if she's in her UFO" the second man said. "Would we require her testimony as well for this conference or can you handle it?"

"Nah" Ataru said as he took a deep gulp of soda and sighed it away with a grin of great flavor. "Just curious. When I don't see her every so often I get paranoid. Good thing I've got guards for now!"

"But of course" the first man said.

"We're at the station" the driver said as he stopped the car slowly. The first man, on Ataru's right, unbuckled him from the seat while the man on his left picked up the beef bowl on its tray table and led Ataru outside, keeping it in front of him as they walked for the platform. Ataru managed to finish it off before boarding the train and sat in an empty window seat with both guards buffered between him and the aisle. The other two drove away as the doors closed.

"_Express for VIP transport"_ the conductor announced _"now en route to Tokyo Station. Please remain safely seated as we prepare to depart."_ The PA rang itself off and Ataru leaned his elbow onto the side of the train to look out the window. The train immediately left the station and accelerated rapidly, as bullet trains often do.

_I wonder why they chose me, though_ Ataru wondered. _They'd be better off with Lum, I think. They'll get a better story out of her...._

"Bear in mind" one of the men said to remind him "that this is going to be a live event, as well as internationally translated in real time, so try your hardest not to stutter or stall."

"Or groan thoughtlessly" the other man said.

"Uhhhhhh" Ataru mindlessly droned.

"Like that" the first said.

"Get it all out now, if it helps" the other said. Ataru sighed and leaned back into his seat.

_Yeah_ he thought, _she'd be a lot better at this. I didn't speak at all the first time I saved the Earth.....or the second. Huh. I guess I owe it to them._ Ataru cleared his throat and adapted a dumb, mind-numbed look as he droned as much as possible to rid himself of the temptation to do so later on, if that was indeed how it worked. Not that he knew, obviously...

* * *

Meanwhile, not knowing where Ataru was but not willing to let her day go to waste, Lum was out on the town in her casual Earth clothing, pink shorts and a soft yellow button-down top with the sleeves rolled up. She was walking through the crowded park and looking around at all the romantic couples finally enjoying the first day they'd had to be out in so long. She enjoyed the relative peace of being just another girl taking a walk while she searched with quick, well-trained scans through the crowd for Ataru. Her patrol, however, wasn't without the depression of failure. She sighed constantly, so much so that an older woman stopped her on the sidewalk.

"What's wrong, miss?" she asked. Lum looked at her and her boyfriend walking together with his arm slung across her shoulders. They were both smiling from each other's presence and enjoying each other in the most passive and pleasant way that Lum envied.

"Oh" Lum began, "I got a little lost from my Darling, so I'm looking for him."

"Oh" the woman said with a calm bit of shock.

"I hope you find him" the man said. Lum nodded and waved them away. She watched them depart with a somber frown and moved to a bench to rest her feet. Yet again, she sighed and took the long strand of her hair into her fingers.

_My Darling..._ she thought longingly. _I can't believe what Mendo said....or that I nearly killed him accidentally. I know I dote on him but I love him! I wouldn't be around if I didn't. But really, a dog? That was so hurtful of him to say. For a man who calls himself chivalrous all the time he certainly has a mean streak....but no, he was doing that at Darling. I know what he was trying to do. He wanted to make Darling feel bad by insulting me, but in the end I'm still trying to convince myself of that. I'm no trained dog, I know that....but am I really doing too much? It's worrying me._ Lum stood up and let go of her hair, pushing both her tensely curled fists down to her side. _This isn't something I can just mull over until it goes away! I need to talk to someone in order for this to blow over properly..._

Lum took flight right in the middle of the park, unaware that the world being saved had drawn out some people in Tomobiki who had never been out long enough to see her around town, and a whole crowd of startled people watched her ascend freely into the air while the regulars just watched and went on with their walks or picnics when she was out of sight, like usual. Lum knew exactly where she was going. She found the round UFO house surrounded by an immense and beautiful garden of twenty-foot tall rose-sunflower hybrid plants. Lum landed at the steps of the house and rang the bell, hoping dearly that her childhood friend Ran was at home.

_Actually_ Lum thought at the last second _Ran isn't quite the right person to talk to about this...._ However, before she could turn or try to fly away, Ran opened the door with a wooden spoon gripped in her mouth dripping with a thick, light-blue pasty substance. Ran peeked out with a neutral expression that changed into her sweetest, friendliest, most concerning expression to Lum that she'd ever seen. It was like, to Ran, she was looking at Rei instead of Lum.

"**Lummy-Lum!!!**" Ran cooed as she gripped Lum in a loving vice-hug. "I was so very worried! Lil Ran nearly cried just about every night you were away! Lum froze up in fear as her friend hugged the vigor right out of her mouth. When Ran finally broke away and took Lum's hand to pull her in Lum was frozen and stuck in a natural-reflex hover. The next thing she knew she was faced across from Ran at a little table with tea served and freshly baked cookies on a plate between them. Lum had calmed down substantially and sipped her tea, hoping it wasn't drugged, but was still cautious about eating the cookies. They all had hearts and baked-in images of Rei on them.

"Tell me all about it, Lum" Ran said eagerly. "I want to know, before anyone, just how you did it! What happened? Was it scary? Did you think you would die? Did Benten cry?"

"Uh" Lum began, unsure of where to start from Ran's constant questioning. "Well, things were going well for a while but, well, we had some hiccups in our plans and a lot of stuff ended up going wrong. Darling....I almost killed him by accident, but we made up later. Then we were attacked by a Fukujin ship like the one we used for the mission."

"Is that when Benten cried?" Ran asked.

"She didn't cry!" Lum said, which Ran scoffed at with an angered face snapping back to her sweet staring immediately after. "In the end the ship was destroyed and fell into the sun." Lum stopped there for a moment as she sipped. Ran looked confused and slowly set her cup down on its saucer plate. "Then we went to heaven and talked to the Sun Goddess. It turns out, somehow, the extra sun in the sky was a pet of hers that we convinced her would be better off somewhere else, so we brought it back with us to take out to another part of space." Now Ran was completely confused and changed the subject.

"Do you like my garden, Lum?" she asked.

"Huh?" Lum asked.

"I crossbred sunflowers and roses" Ran said, making a motion to the windows of her UFO which let in only streaks of sunlight that passed through the thick stalks of the bamboo-like plants topped with huge, beautiful blooms of petals. "Aren't they like something out of a dream?"

"They're certainly gorgeous" Lum said, allowing the subject to change against her will. "You always grow the prettiest flowers, Ran."

"Thank you, Lum" Ran said sweetly. Ran took a sip of her tea and noticed, with just a glance over the edge of her cup, that Lum wasn't drinking with her. She was holding the cup and tapping it lightly with her finger, a somber gaze cast down into the swirling liquid. "Lum? What's wrong? Why are you so sad?"

"Hmm?" Lum said, snapping back to attention with a tight-curled smile.

"Now, now" Ran sweetly chided with a cutely wagging finger. "Don't hide your emotions from Lil Ran. She knows better than that, of course!" She pressed her finger up to her cheek and winked. Lum suddenly tasted something saturated with sugar in her mouth. It was neither the tea or any of the cookies which she hadn't yet tried, it was just there. Lum sighed and lowered her eyes from the natural depression that she prepared to speak with.

"Ran" Lum began as Ran rose up her tea cup. "Do you think...I'm a dog?" Ran's face suddenly fell. A corner of her mouth was raised up and her pupils had shrunken in her eyes, no longer sparkling pools at all. Her brown furrowed under utter confusion and some other disjointed strangeness of emotion from her want to say what she wanted and her need to keep up her cute appearance.

"Uhhhhhhh" she droned.

"I've been so unsure of myself lately" Lum said. "Shutaro said that, that Ataru was treating me like a trained and beaten dog, because I'm always defending him and doting on him....but it's not at all because I feel entitled to. Rather, I feel like I should be entitled to be a wife to him because I consider myself one. That's not wrong at all. If I want to be like a wife to him that's up to me, and you know, lately he's been accepting it from me more and more! He's been open and willing to be with me more often, at least more than he used to be. He's shown me his caring, honest, sincere side time and time again and he keeps reminding me why I actually fell in love with him in the first place."

"Why?" Ran asked. Lum looked at Ran quizzically, for all manner of maidenly tact had left her. She was sitting sideways in her seat with an arm slung over its back and had a very skeptic smirk on her face, which had been drained of all its cuteness as well. "I've looked at it a couple of ways, and there's no way in the time it took you to really fall for him he ever showed anyone any of those traits you fell for! So what did you fall for, exactly?"

"You don't know?" Lum said. "I didn't fall for him because I saw the promise of an honest, truly loving person in him. He wasn't motivated or ambitious, despite the dangers of what would happen if he lost to me when we first met. But nothing stopped him from trying. People jeered him and lost faith, but in the back of my mind and somewhere in my heart, I knew it was a match made in heaven. I knew that when he decided to win, **nothing could ever stop him. That's why I fell for him at first.**"

"Really?" Ran asked.

"I didn't have to accept his proposal" Lum said. "That day....when we started to be together, if I said no....I don't want to know what happened. All I know is that now I'm happy, regardless of what that means to other people. I'm happy! That's what's important!" Lum suddenly stood up and reached across the table in a floating hover to place her hands on Ran's shoulders. "Thank you, Ran! Talking to you has made me feel so much better!" She pulled herself in and hugged Ran, despite her dangerous mode, and received a one-armed hug as well.

"Glad I could help?" Ran said uncertainly. Lum left right after with joyful tears in her eyes.

"Darling, wherever you are," Lum began to call toward the sky, "**I love you! Forever!!!**" Ran rushed to her door just as Lum disapperaed from sight and, still in her rage mode from her mind snap, shouted out her true thoughts.

"Oh, you're a dog alright!" Ran called. "You know what kind of dog you are, Lum!? **A FEMALE ONE!!!**" She slammed her door so hard that the stalk of a nearby sunflower-rose shook.

* * *

At the Mizunokoji estate a serene lull had washed over the staff. All the girls in blue shades had returned to work to share their experiences with each other. The regal head of the estate, and her husband, sat anxiously awaiting the return of Tobimaro, who had yet to enter their hall to greet his esteemed parents upon his adventurous return. His mother was becoming impatient and called upon one of her personal staff.

"Where is my son?" she asked.

"I apologize, my lady" the girl said with a deep bow. "We.....have no idea."

"Oh, that uncaring young man" she said with a pleasant voice and smile as she ground her fist into a rock. The rock broke into pieces and her husband gulped in terror. "Please, do hurry and find him. I missed him so."

"Yes, my lady" the girl said. She turned and ran out of the room, leaving the two parents alone together again.

"Well" Mr. Mizunokoji began nonchalantly, "they certainly timed it well in saving the planet, yes mother? It's such a lovely day. Ha...haha."

"Ah, yes it is" she agreed. The tension was still thick in the air, but at least he could breathe. Meanwhile, across the whole estate the search raged on. The girls were spreading out in wide fans, steering their ATVs and jeeps, one looking around with a pair of thick military binoculars and another calling periodically on a megaphone, assisted by the ATV units driving along the sides.

"Young master Tobimaro!" the girls called. "Your mother is calling for you! Young master Tobimaro!!!" They continued scanning all of the open areas and combing through the forests of the great and wide sports-empire estate, but all of their searching gave them no results. They searched all across the land he owned but failed to recognize his most important asset in his hiding: how it made no sense. Tobimaro hovered high above the estate and witnessed the surprisingly well coordinated efforts that his staff made to find him.

"Look at that, Hamcho" he said. "That's the pride and care that the Mizunokoji family takes in locating its heir!" Hamcho, the divine puppy-dog of Amaterasu, was suspended in the air in his giant wolf form with Tobimaro riding on his back. Its feet were light itself and painted into the fur of its forehead was a royal sun crest of bright red. For whatever reason, Tobimaro had taken the dog and the job of returning it to space for himself. From what he remembered, when he returned to Earth, he and his girls simply walked off of the Mendo estate with the puppy in his arms. Now he rode it into the air if for no reason other than to dodge the inevitable meeting with his parents and overly-affectionate sister. He sighed and turned his face to the distant blue horizon, letting a manly breeze sweep through his hair.

_I'll have to come down eventually, though_ Tobimaro realized. _I don't dare doubt the powers of heavenly Hamcho to sustain flight, but still, it'd be troublesome if they thought I went missing. They'd send jets and helicopters, and then I'd be found out for sure. I'm certain my parents can just adjust to the modern world long enough to just watch television for when either Shu-chan or Ataru will tell the world what happened..._ Tobimaro's eyes shot open with a flicker of youthful fire.

"OH!" he shouted. "**I HAVE TO SEE THAAAAT!!!!**" Tobimaro guided Hamcho with his heart, possibly, down to the ground. They moved with the speed of a divine wind, powered across the plains of his estate by pure radiating light. All the ground Hamcho's paws met became rich with a beautiful path of flowers and glistening light. Tobimaro rode the wolf past all the patrols that spotted him and straight into the estate. "If Ataru is giving the speech, there's no way I can miss it! Faster, Hamcho, please! To the nearest television set!" Hamcho the Puppy barked affirmatively and sped up. He and Tobimaro both became light streaking through the halls, traveling at impossible speeds and turning corners in such dizzying quickness that Tobimaro wondered how he still held on.

They blasted through a wall and ran, unnoticing, right in front of Tobimaro's parents who both seemed to ignore the screeching stream of light and sudden growth of flowers at first.

"It's certainly a nice day for a picnic" Mr. Mizunokoji said.

"That it is, dear" Mrs. Mizunokoji replied. They had unconsciously agreed that it didn't happen at all, it seemed. Hamcho and Tobimaro continued through the estate, busting down locked or closed doors as they navigated their way to the only television available in the entire estate where the traditionalist view of Japanese royalty was observed to the highest regard. That TV was in use already, however, by the diligently attentive Asuka, who watched her supplementary program on men and women in a casual environment. Diligent as she was, of course, she was still afraid each time the man appeared on the screen.

"Hello, Mr. A" the female of the video greeted. The camera came up close to the man's face as he tipped up his hat and grinned with a sparkle of his teeth at her. Asuka whipered and shuffled back on her knees.

"Miss B" the man said, approaching her, "hello. It is quite a lovely day, is it not?"

"Oh, it is" Miss B said. Mr. A took her hand in his and stepped in even closer.

"Any day where I may see you" Mr. A said romantically "must be lovely."

"Oh, Mr. A" Miss B swooned. Asuka was shaking her head and whipping her ponytail hair around in fear.

"No!" Asuka shouted at the screen. "Don't! **DON'T!!!**" And then they kissed. Asuka shriked and flipped up the floorboards to hide behind. Her tutor, safely standing away in the furthest corner, watched with a passive disdain.

_She's an idiot_ she thought. She clapped twice and the lights came back on while the TV turned itself off. Asuka cowered no more when she heard the silence and turned back to her tutor with an innocent understanding of what she had done.

"Did I fail again, ma'am?" she asked.

"You certainly did" the tutor said. "If you're going to overcome your fear of men you need to first differentiate between what is real and what is not. For example, anything you see on the Television that is not news is fake. Those people do not really exist and that man was not real!"

"But I saw him!" Asuka defended. "I did! He was doing terrible things to that woman!"

"And what would you have the young master Shutaro Mendo do to you?" the tutor demanded. Asuka just blinked at her, thoughtless and innocent, and cocked her head to the side. The tutor sighed and fell against the wall. Suddenly, with a swell of light and a whine of energy, Hamcho the wolfen Puppy with a mounted Tobimaro arrived through the locked door, busting it down with a loud blast of power. Hamcho barked at the TV and Tobimaro dismounted his friendly divine beast.

"Thank you, Hamcho" Tobimaro said, stroking the wolf's face gently. "You are a fantastic friend." Then Tobimaro heard something break with a wicked and sickening snap. He turned and saw that that something was in fact his lower half which Asuka hugged in a death grip of love.

"**BIG BROTHER!!!!!**" she shouted. Tobimaro's mouth foamed over from the pain and he was down on the floor, unconscious. Hamcho shrunk into his puppy form and licked Tobimaro's face to wake him up. With his divine powers Tobimaro was fully healed and conscious again, only to be broken all over again by his over-loving sister who had latched her arms around his chest now. "Where did you gooooo!?" Asuka cried. Tobimaro let out his death cough into the floor and was recovered once again by Hamcho.

_Please, benevolent creature_ Tobimaro thought, unable to talk, _please let me die. I wish to be out of this torturous life...._ Hamcho disregarded whatever thoughts were in his head and licked him happily while Asuka endlessly crushed him to death, her eyes blinded by tears of bereft desperation and incredible joy...

* * *

"Inexcusable!!!" one voice roared.

"Utterly foolish!" another chided.

"Man, that was messed up, Dappya" a Dappya said. Benten and Ryuunosuke, the official representatives of all the Fukujin on Earth, were busy being chewed out by Benten's bike which was channeling the transmissions of multiple Fukujin warlords at once. The Dappya-monster market-association president was there as well, being an important alien dignitary in his own right, to weigh in on the issue at hand.

"I trust" an elder, rough voice began "that you two have it in you to make up for this bizarre happening?"

"Of course we do!" Ryuunosuke shouted as she prostrated before the bike. "We're incredibly sorry! We shall repent to the fullest of our-"

"Idiot!" Benten shouted, punching her face against the ground. "They can't see your pitiful display!" Ryuunosuke reached her hand up and tossed Benten's head to the ground as well, initiating a fight.

"Hey you two" the Dappya-president began. "Now you stop this or I'll have to chastise you, Dappya." He spoke calmly and without a single concern, not at all weighing himself seriously against the tussling and bickering sisters.

"**CUT THAT CRAP OUT!!!!"** the bike roared. Benten and Ryuunosuke both stopped immediately and returned to their formal sitting positions.

"Sorry" they both said.

"What's wrong with you two!?" the same raging voice shouted. "You're proud warriors of the Fukujin! What you take is yours, what you conquer is yours, what wars you wage are yours alone to win! Did you forget the principals of being Fukujin while you were so busy trying to save that planet of yours!?"

"Not at all" Ryuunosuke said. "All through the mission to save my planet I held myself to a great sense of pride. I never, even for a moment, let myself do dishonor to my adopted name!"

"Except when you did" Benten said.

"You ain't innocent either!" Ryuunosuke shouted.

"**Silence!"** The bike demanded. "We have conferred over this issue extensively when it first became present. Ryuunosuke, while it is true that you aided our eternal rivals the Oni in stealing a ship from our great Space Navy, we are all in agreement that it was done for a generally righteous cause. It is important that the galaxy sees us not only as fearsome warlords and conquerors, but as benevolent beings who spread great fortune across the cosmos. Therefore, we are able to excuse your crime under the reasoning that it was done to save lives. In such a galaxy as ours, acts like that are to be admired."

"Thank you very much" Ryuunosuke said with great respect in her voice. Benten smiled for her sister, even as she bowed out of habit, and gave her a pat on the back when she rose back up.

"Benten" the voice continued, "you are sentenced to four weeks worth of military delivery service." There was a long pause between the order and Benten realizing what had been said. Ryuunosuke moved away slowly, knowing that her rage was coming to an explosive point.

"**EHHHH!!!????**" she bellowed. "What kinda crap is this!?" Benten stood up and started shouting at her bike. "How am I getting the ass-end of this deal!? What'd I do!? Ryuunosuke stole a ship and you managed to overlook-"

"This isn't about that" one of the other voices, this one an angered and belligerent sounding woman, began. "We're well aware that we're speaking to you over a **stolen travel system.** You stole that bike, didn't you?"

"We don't sell military-grade equipment to civilians" another man said. Benten's anger sunk down into shame and then drifted back to anger when the image of Oyuki crossed her mind.

_I wondered how she got this for me_ Benten thought. "Wait a sec! I've got a scapegoat for this bull-"

"No more!" the most demanding voice called. "Your service starts immediately, and is to be undertaken alone! Ryuunosuke, if you are still listening, you are to be the representative of our species to Earth in Benten's 'absence', is that understood?"

"Yes, sir" Ryuunosuke said. Benten sighed an admittance of defeat.

"We'll let you keep the bike" the woman said once more "under the regard that you used it to perform military services, if we receive no complaints from your superiors. Is that understood, Benten?"

"Yes, ma'am" Benten said.

"Depart immediately" a final voice said. "We will pilot for you, just to make sure you get here on time." The transmissions all cut out at once with a whip of static.

"I'll leave too" the Dappya-mosnter said with a wave. "It'd be awkward if I stayed for no reason, Dappya."

"See ya around" Ryuunosuke said with a wave. Benten climbed onto her bike and gave Ryuunosuke a parting smile. Then she extended her arm for a shake.

"Protect our honor" Benten said. Ryuunosuke smiled and took her hand.

"Don't you worry about that" Ryuunosuke said. "You try and protect what's left of _yours_ after it's been stomped and spit on."

"Bastard" Benten chuckled, pulling Ryuunosuke in for a shoulder-tap. Benten left laughing, her bike automatically guided for the subspace entrance to a distant star system, leaving Ryuunosuke on Earth yet again. Ryuunosuke looked around her and decided to walk away down the road in her skinsuit space attire without a care of who saw anymore.

"I bet Shinobu will let me stay with her" Ryuunosuke told herself. "I don't want to be predictable and go stay with Lum again...."


	40. Chapter 40

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Press Conference! The Truth of the True Truth!!!

* * *

Lum returned home and immediately reentered to the chilled inside. The air-condition chimes were still hung proudly through all the halls, free indoor cooling for the Moroboshi's courtesy of the graceful ice queen Oyuki who treated the family as an extension of her friend's family and struck their bells from the charity record so they wouldn't be taken back after the temperature returned. Lum entered but heard no signs that anyone was home.

"Hello?" she called. "I'm home!" Still, nobody called back. No welcome, though she wasn't surprised not to hear Ataru home at the moment. She sighed and made her way up to her room to relax again and change from the loaner clothes she was wearing into her regular bikini. As she hovered up the stairs she began to think.

_Maybe I should wear something more Earthy_ _and go looking for Darling. That way we could go out to celebrate saving the planet that is, if he hasn't already found a date to celebrate with. If it comes down to that, I suppose I can make the exception just this once. He's not the kind of person to take advantage of someone's trust like that....well, in any case, he still has to come back and sleep in the same room tonight, whatever he does, so I'll just leave him to himself for a while. _

Lum reached her room and looked into her meager selection of clothes taking up half of Ataru's closet. She looked through them, sliding them back and forth, then looked down at what she was already wearing and unbuttoned the blouse to tie it in a knot at her chest.

"I guess this is good enough to relax in" Lum said. "If I've got nothing to do I may as well see what's on Earth's TV." As she left her voice triggered something in the corner to move. A little doll-bomb was brought out of its slumber and started making tiny steps for the door to follow her, its self-destruct sequence activated at last....

Down in the sitting room Lum finally found someone. Ten was sleeping under the cover of the kotatsu that was set out with only his head peeking out. Lum stepped down and knelt beside him to gently poke him awake. He stirred tiredly and looked around with blurry eyes.

"Uwah...." he groaned. He blinked and squinted at Lum.

"Are you awake, Ten?" she asked, her voice so long unheard and almost unfamiliar that Ten naturally reverted to the most natural sight his eyes could behold with green hair and horns.

"Mama?" he moaned. He rolled out of the kotatsu and kicked his tired little legs to hover up. "Mama, I've been a good boy. Can I stay with Lum-chan a little longer please?" Lum plucked him from the air and cradled him in a hug until he woke up and finally saw her long, flowing hair at her back.

"Oh, of course, my sweet little boy" Lum said jokingly.

"Uwah! LUM!" Ten shouted. He was overjoyed to see his cousin again and squeezed her as far as his tiny arms would let him grip at her shoulder. Lum snickered and brought Ten away to see her face again. He was welling up with tears. "Tha-I was having a dream just now! That's all that was!"

"Well, if you say so" Lum said innocently. She stared at Ten's face just long enough to get teary eyes and hugged him again.

"I'm glad you're home, Lum" Ten said.

"Yeah" Lum said back. "I'm back alright....but where's Darling?"

"Psh" Ten scoffed. He heard a slight zapping of electricity between Lum's horns, which indeed there was, and withdrew his comment immediately. "Uh, I don't know, he hasn't come back! I mean, I've been napping this afternoon since I was playing so much with Ponjaru last night when it was too hot to sleep that I was tired today, and-and-and-"

"Ten" Lum began, holding him out and looking down at him, "there's a note attached to your diaper cover."

"Eh?" Ten said. He looked down and, indeed, a piece of paper was attached to his tiger-print written with the signature of 'Mom'. Lum grabbed the note and read it.

_To Lum, it's been quite a while since I've seen you. I hope you are doing well. If you are wondering about us, my husband and I went out for a bit before Ataru came home. You know how it is. We also heard from a government agent that Ataru will be addressing the nation regarding your mission. We will be watching with friends and suggest you do the same. Please tune to channel 3 news when you get the chance, as the ceremony is set to begin close to 5:00. I know you won't want to miss it. Sincerely, Mrs. Moroboshi. a.k.a., Mom._

"Awww" Lum cooed, "is she...letting me call her 'Mom' now?" Lum embraced the note and squeezed it tight. "It's so great! Now it's like I'm really part of the family, right!? But I wonder what time it is?" Lum looked up at a clock. It was past five by about fifteen minutes. She dropped the letter and her jaw in shock. "GUAH!?" she exclaimed. "I'm missing it!?" She hurriedly turned on the TV and flipped rapidly to channel 3. There was Ataru, blank-faced to the screen and blinking, while some unheard voice asked a question in the front row of the audience.

"Hey!" Ten began. "It's Ataru! What'd he do now?"

"He's speaking to the nation" Lum said "about the mission we went on. It's so brave of him. Good for Darling!"

"He's just gonna screw it up" Ten said. Lum grabbed him by the head, ignoring his horn, and forced her into her lap to watch.

"Now, now, Ten-chan" she began sweetly, fixed on the TV, "be a good boy and watch it with me, okay? Since I'm family, you're family too, and if we're going to keep living here we need to be respectful like family should be, okay?"

"I" Ten stuttered, "I'll be good."

"Ah, okay" Ataru spoke. Lum beamed a smile. "Well, the question was, 'How difficult was it to command an inter-species crew?' Well, it wasn't that hard at all, to be honest. The real heel to deal with was Mendo." Ataru's goofy grin and general habits shone through and drew up some laughter from the journalists writing his response down faithfully in their notebooks. Lum just smiled and watched Ataru with a passive pleasant stare. Ten watched as well, observing carefully for the moment when he would slip up and say or do something stupid.

"Eh, are there anymore questions then?" Ataru asked. He looked around and the camera quickly panned through the assorted international journalists in the front row section. "Then, I shall continue with my description. Uh, let's see. After we fixed the ship I ate a lot and went to bed. That was the end of that day."

_Idiot_ Ten thought. Even Lum had to nervously laugh that one off.

"The next day of course was much more involving" Ataru said. "There were many challenges facing us. A dispute arose between two of our captains, Ryuu-sama and Benten-sama, both representatives of the distant Fukujin race. When they had their initial falling out, everyone became tense as well, and the state of things on the ship looked kind of dim for the crew. Ryuu-sama was in command when we intercepted a call from an enemy ship, nameless and criminally minded Space Pirates had were beginning to attack us without warning! They sent a message to our ship, ordering us to either abandon the ship for them or battle to the death, and naturally we decided to fight!"

"Idiot" Ryuunosuke said. "He's leaving out a lot of important details!" Ryuunosuke, rather than return to the disgraceful father and perverted house-guest of Nagisa, as well as the temporary guest Kotatsuneko who was watching the same broadcast with them, had gone rather begrudgingly to stay with Shinobu until she could better assert herself in her own house.

"Is he?" Shinobu said. "Well, I suppose I can't be surprised. He is Ataru after all."

"He's not doing it because he's dumb" Ryuunosuke said. "He's doing it, including not saying my real name, so that no one gets embarrassed about it. The Fukujin attacked us because we stole a high-price piece of equipment from them. That's why Benten's been forced into service and why I'm here on Earth again." Ryuunosuke kept herself from speaking rudely or too angrily in front of her host and once again relaxed beside Shinobu. "By the way, thanks again for this, Shinobu."

"Don't mention it at all" Shinobu said, waving it off with a smile. "In truth, I really wanted to know what you guys did up there, even to the point of hearing it from Ataru, so having someone who knows the whole truth here is great. Besides, I understand your position. I wouldn't want to go home to _that_ if _that _was waiting for me either."

_The order of those seems off_ Ryuunosuke thought, passing the thought by harmlessly. Ataru went on about the fierce battle and stopped for a moment just as he got to the grand ending, when the gravity cannon was destroyed and the ship was pulled into the sun...

"Ah, then we all died" he said. Jaws dropped everywhere, for one reason or another, except from the mouth of Lum, who simply sighed and hung her head.

"Oh Darling..." she bemoaned. "You're going to embarrass yourself in front of the world....again..."

* * *

Elsewhere, Ataru's performance was watched from the elevated television at the foot of a hospital bed. The questions came in off screen at rapid fire and were hardly heard. Ataru picked one out and listened intently to it. It was in German, so an agent standing behind him schooled in multiple languages, interpreted and translated the message as a whisper in his ear.

"Aha" Ataru began. "The question was 'Did you really die, or are you speaking in terms of something else?' No. We really did die from being thrown into the sun." More questions. Ataru politely tried to hush them by making lowering motions with his hands. "Well, that being said, nothing entirely bad happened to us. You see, as we were flying into the sun, I was reminded of traditional Japanese Shinto religion and put it to use by shouting 'Amaterasu' at the top of my lungs through an external speaker on the ship."

Onsen-mark, watching with the principal and school, fell from his feet onto his knees and then forward still onto his hands. _Please_ he prayed in his thought, _PLEASE nobody link this maniac-idiot to me! I BEG OF YOU!!!_

"The question now is" Ataru spoke after hearing another question, "'Are you being serious right now?' Eh?" The agent whispered to him again. "'Are you being literal right now?' Well, yes, I am. We obviously died but were called to the palace of Amaterasu, since I called her, and invited in sort of to talk to her. After we navigated our way through the palace, which is huge by the way, at least....five times bigger than Tokyo Stadium, we arrived at Amaterasu's garden and mansion where we talked about the fate of the Earth and how an extra sun had managed to come into the solar system..." The audience had become quiet, though not attentively. Ataru's bluntness in his explanation only seemed to insult the various nations that were there. They all thought this was some random flight of fancy, rather than stern and serious fact, and nobody seemed to believe him at all.

From the Mizunokoji estate a pair of wooden chopsticks were crushed in hand and the fires of youth were stoked in Tobimaro's eyes. He stood up gasping loudly as he watched the announcement with his sister and the divine puppy Hamcho in the only room equipped with a TV, now crowded with women from the staff.

"Is he completely stupid?" a girl asked.

"No!" another girl, one who had been there, protested. "He's telling the truth!"

"It really happened!" another girl said. "It was amazing and terrifying all at once!"

"That fool!" Tobimaro called.

"See?" a still skepticaly girl said. "Even the young master thinks it's foolish." Tobimaro slammed his broken chopsticks back onto the table and stepped his leg up in a dramatic and passionate flare.

"How could he forget all those incredibly important details!?" he called to the sky. "The beautiful windows that could shine without light! The rows and rows of gilded weaponry too grand and awesome to fit any army of Earth! The amazing height and mythical status of those monstrous guards who stood impeding our path before the gates of Amaterasu's garden? The sunflower guards who attacked indiscreetly, and whom I overwhelmed with my own amazing force of power!? The fragrance of fresh-brewed tea perpetually filling all the air!? The beauty, the pomp, the absolute glaring awe that was the Sun Goddess herself, Amaterasu and the living proof of her blame, this adorable little sun, Hamcho!?" Hamcho yipped and hopped up into his arm. "**UUUUWAAAH!!! HOW COULD HE FORGET SO MUUUUUCH!???**" From out of nowhere, with his fist curled to the sky, a wave crashed at the cliff before him and spread a salty wetness into his blowing hair that remained even on Hamcho when his passion drained and his delusion ceased.

"So....it's not just some dog?" a girl said.

"Like we said!" one of the girls, representing all the others, who had been there began. "It's all true! That Ataru's saying only the truth!"

"I don't remember space pirates, though" a spacy girl said.

"Big Brother" Askua began as Tobimaro lifted the wet bangs from out of his eyes. "If it is true, and they don't believe him, what will happen?" Tobimaro gazed down at her for a moment, then turned straight to think with his arms crossed. Hamcho hopped onto the table and scratched behind his ear.

"Well" Tobimaro began, "more than likely he will be in trouble for disgracing the country by acting like a fool. It certainly won't be the first time he's ever done it, of course. Secondly, if the truth is refused by the people of the world than no one will know it, and history will remain forever corrupted by their ignorance." The fires came back into his eyes. Everyone took a step back from him as he balled his fists once more to power up. "I cannot allow such a thing to happen! Not only are we friends, but I represent my family in my duty to preserve the traditional! The old ways of honor, baseball, ronin and the great house of Mizunokoji!!!"

"Wait" a girl said. "Baseball? Ronin? Those aren't right!"

"**HAMCHO!!!"** Tobimaro called. **"TRANSFOOOOORM!!!"** Hamcho flipped into the air with a cute bark and erupted in an explosion of light into the form of a huge, powerful, sun-marked wolf!

_**GAOO!!!**_ it barked. Tobimaro hopped onto its back and looked down at his startled little sister.

"Asuka" he said, "I will be back swiftly. If you stay turned to the screen, chances are you may even see me."

"Why?" Asuka asked. "Are you going...where he is?" The concern in her voice was read differently by Tobimaro than it was voiced initially. Asuka was frightened that he was going near Ataru. Tobimaro grinned with a glimmer in his teeth _and_ his eyes (the showboater) and comforted her.

"Don't worry" Tobimaro said. "I shall right this before it is ever wrong." And with that, he was off, a ray of light through the wall and into the sky! Asuka held her arms up to the glaring light until it went away, then looked through the hole and cried out for her fled brother.

"Big Brotheeeeer!!!" All the while the girls in blue shades, unaffected by the light because of their blue shades, stood and watched the absurdity with passive expressions.

_Eccentricy, thy name is Mizunokoji_ they all thought. Tobimaro raced on Hamcho, the lightspeed puppy, all the way across Tomobiki and into the greater Imperial Tokyo area, right to the palace where the cofferance was being held, still but a feint glimmer of light in the sky.

"There he is!" Tobimaro said. "Hamcho, to the stage!"

_**GAO!!!**_ the wolf barked. It began running for the stage just as Ataru's composure was beginning to lose.

"Moroboshi" an agent growled into his ear. "What is the meaning of this?"

"It's all true!" Ataru defended in a whisper. "I swear! This all happened! Ask Mendo or Tobimaro or-"

"Disgracing the entire country again" the man lowed. "Does your gall know no bounds? You little punk we can call this treason!!!"

"HEH!?" Ataru exclaimed. "Wh-bu-that's not treason!!"

"Bedding with the enemy is" another man lowed, an obvious mention to his engagement with Lum. Ataru backed away from them and stared them both down, somehow looking in two opposite directions at once.

"I'm telling you" Ataru said sternly "she's not married _or_ engaged to me legally!" Suddenly, a burst of light! A great shining figure of pure sunlight stood on the stage as its form very slowly became physical. Hamcho, the Great Sun Wolf, stood facing the mass crowd of people, the crest on its forehead granting it with a shining golden aura and its eyes of light opened like the dawn sun rising over the edge of the horizon. Tobimaro dismounted it and ran up to Ataru in the confusion to grip his collar and shake him.

"You!" Tobimaro lowed. "Why are you leaving out all the details!?"

"..........huh?" Ataru grunted. Tobimaro resolved to shake him more.

"**The Palace! The Guards! The Mansion! Was I the only one who thought it smelled like tea in there!? DELICIOUS TEA!!!" **Tobimaro made a great swing of his arm as a gesture to Hamcho, who sat politely at the edge of the stage with its tongue handing out and its eyes narrowed cutely. "What about him, huh!? Are you even going to mention Hamcho!?"

"Take it easy!" Ataru said. "It's hard for me to go one with a story no one's believing."

"Well how can they doubt now?" Tobimaro asked. He approached the podium and asserted his authority over the crowd. "Everyone, please! I am Tobimaro Mizunokoji the heir of the Mizunokoji Clan! Before you you see the proof of all that Ataru Moroboshi has been saying! This is the divine puppy, beloved pet of Amaterasu, and the source of the second smaller sun that appeared! His name is Hamcho the Puppy, and currently he is a wolf! **Do you doubt his powers!?**" The audience had a mixed reaction to the wolf's appearance, as well as an equally divided opinion on the sudden intrusion of Tobimaro to explain it. Hamcho was certainly an amazing thing to have appear, but how was it divine?

"Gao!" Hamcho barked. It's bark, while soft and coddling, was heard by everyone in the crowd who instantly became calm and peaceful. He had the healing and happiness-granting powers of a real puppy, despite his form, blessed by the divine power of Amaterasu the Sun Goddess.

"Holy crap!" one of the agents exclaimed. "What....is that?"

"Oh, that's the dog" Ataru said. He politely moved Tobimaro from the podium and took up his position again. "Ah, yes. Like I was saying, Amaterasu herself had adopted this puppy because she was lonely and named it 'Hamcho the Puppy', even going so far as to grant it some of her own powers as a sun deity. So, technically, this _is_ the second sun that appeared and baked the Earth."

"Isn't it dangerous to have such a creature here?" a Japanese man asked, effected by Hamcho's bark but still serious enough to formulate queries.

"Nope" Ataru said. "He's pretty much trained."

"Don't forget about the giants" Tobimaro said. "Or the sunflowers. I arrived a little late, but when I got there they tried to attack me!"

"Oh yeah" Ataru said.

"You also got some names wrong" Tobimaro whispered "and there were no Space Pirates..."

"Well, that was intentional" Ataru whispered back. "Sometimes it's better to make stuff up."

"Of course" Tobimaro said with a wink. It seemed contradictory to his purpose to leave the lies already put in place there for the sake of a more articulate series of truthful details, but it didn't matter to him completely. He stood proud with a wind from nowhere blowing his hair from behind, listening to Ataru go on about what he thought was important in this mystical tale. His sister, of course, could no longer watch because she had gotten so paranoid about him approaching Ataru on the screen that she raced to it and crushed it in her arms out of desperation for her brother.

"Big Brother, noooo!" she cried, coddling the broken remains of the only TV. "I knew it! I knew it would be bad! I knew you might get hurt if you got too close to that horrible man! Oh, Big Brother, whyyyyy!?" The girls filed out of the room, dejected by the theatrics and now commonplace explosive Tobimaro behavior. They also had no more TV to watch now that Asuka decided to save her brother, and thus the room was useless to them....

* * *

From the base of a bed all was watched, right up to the final notes by the station regarding Ataru's comments before and the confirmation of Tobimaro's sudden and unexpected appearance by the live-hosting staff.

"Ah" the newscaster began. "It is confirmed that Tobimaro Mizunokoji is in fact the heir to the Mizunokoji Sporting Goods Empire and indeed _did_ go on that dangerous mission with Ataru Moroboshi. We will await a further statement from both he and Ataru Moroboshi once the ceremonies are closed and the Emperor speaks on behalf of Japan. Ah, here comes His Excellence now...."

"Good evening, citizens of the world..." spoke the dignified Emperor himself.

"So that's how it is...." Mendo said. He reclined in his bed, watching the screen with his whole body wrapped up tightly in gauze and casts from the injury sustained by an angry Lum and assist by Ataru. "Even a fool has his moments...No. Neither of them are fools. Moroboshi spoke bravely the truth, and without bringing any harm to the delicate reputations of either Miss Benten or Ryuunosuke. Plus, it was Ton-chan's assistance that allowed everyone to hear the truth of what transpired. Now that I think of it, as I lay here in my bed static, I have been giving some thought to what I would have said had I been picked to speak. Nothing came to mind but the obvious, but even I in my dignity as a man of high standing would not dare speak of the more fantastic things with such a straight face. In truth, the truth may have escaped me. It takes someone shameless like Moroboshi to write in history now...." Mendo turned off the TV as Ataru was approached to receive yet another medal of honor from the Emperor and closed his eyes with a sigh.

"Are you tired, sir?" a guard said, one who had been there all the time no matter what to guard him. Two more wheeled the television away now that he was done with it and yet another came in to take the remote with him in a special case with the Mendo emblem.

"Actually" Mendo began, "I'd like you to take a note to be delivered post-haste to the home of Ataru Moroboshi."

"Yes sir" the guard said. "Should the mail be shipped to the address of 'Miss Lum', as we currently hold no file for the specific residence of 'Ataru Moroboshi'?"

"They live in the same house!" Mendo exclaimed. "Ahem. To Ataru, whom I hope to find in best regards; Hello Ataru. This is Shutaro Mendo. I, on behalf only of myself and only for myself, wish to apologize to you. During my time in heaven I said harsh things that do not befit my stately character. I hereby apologize to you for the litany of insults I delivered, including my constant anger towards you for being in heaven at all. It was only that scathing sense of aggravation that powered my tongue to lash at you in such mocking, and for that I must submit myself humbly to your forgiveness. Likewise, I must offer a sincerest apology to Miss Lum, whom I insulted outright. I did not at all mean to insinuate any kind of insult unto her, much less call her a 'dog' indirectly. It was a pitiable mistake for me to make, taking such a rude disposition towards a lady _and_ her present...." Mendo paused to think of a word for 'partner' without admitting outright that Lum and Ataru were a couple. "....partner. I have lost not only honor but respect and pride in myself for that comment, and I humbly submit myself to your forgiveness. Lastly, I would like to congratulate you on your speech and subsequent award. I am willing to defend righteously what part I played, but will not overstep the glory that may come with it. I leave that to you. With sincerest regards, Shutaro Mendo..."

"Well done, sir" the guard said as he finished the final penmanship and added a 'dictated but not read' line at the very bottom with his own illegible cursive name. "I will see that this letter is copied, posted and delivered by tomorrow morning at the latest."

"Thank you" Mendo said. "Now, please dim the lights without turning them off. I'd like to get some rest."

"Yes sir" the guard said with a salute. He ran out of the expansive and long infirmary, dimming the lights before he left, to pass the letter off to the next guard he saw. He approached one who had a thick head of black hair, out of regulation, and slowed with the letter held out for him. "Uh, you. Get this letter to the Moroboshi household. Take it through the usual routing to preserve the young master's brilliant wording." The man backed up, keeping his back only facing the guard and reached blindly for the letter. Without dwelling on it, the guard passed the note and the man left, side-walking around the corner so as not to be suspected. The guard was puzzled but left with the mission well enough accomplished.

The guard he passed it to was no guard at all, it turned out, but a **kuroko wearing a long-haired wig over his black masking.** He shed his fake suit garb and fled into the shadows of the mansion, blending in perfectly by walking around in plain sight, being ignored by the staff of the house as usual, with the letter safely hidden in his clothes.

He made his way to Ryoko's room and entered from the compartment placed conveniently less than a meter away from where she sat on the back of a kuroko, sipping tea off of a kuroko-held table, staring out the window of her room with curtains of kuroko's standing on each other's shoulders and holding on for dear life to a rope to keep their form straight.

"Lady Ryoko" the stealthy delivery kuroko announced. He bowed his head in respect and held the letter out on a reaching stick for her to take. "A message intended for delivery to the house of Moroboshi, written by dictation of your brother." Ryoko took and read over the letter swiftly. She then smiled and turned to the kuroko.

"Is this the only copy?" she asked.

"Yes, my lady" the kuroko said with a nod and bow of his head. Ryoko smirked, folded the letter up, opened the front of her dress and hid the letter within. She turned once more to the window and smiled as she gazed out at the setting sun and the far-away red clouds in the orange and blue sky.

"Hmmm" she hummed with a deep and brooding grin. Some wickedness had awoken in her just then....


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Luck's Great Turnabout Nature.

* * *

Ataru, after his rousing speech to the nation and the world, was treated to another government-expense beefbowl and dropped off at home, where he was able to finish off the contents of the bowl just as the men drove off in their black car. It was evening, and the sky was already dark.

"No more girl-hunting today" Ataru said with a sigh. He looked at the huge bowl and at the bottom, lit barely by the twilight sun, he could see something written at the bottom. The streetlights came on at once and read out plainly what it said. 'LOSE. Try again.' "Psh" Ataru scoffed. "I never win these things. I bet they don't even have any take-out bowls that can win, scam artists..." Ataru stuffed the bowl into the trash bag in front of his house and walked up the yard to the front door. He hadn't thought about he he would return, but he knew, inevitable, he would somehow fail and made the subdued and silent approach of gently opening the door and coming in without a word.

_I'm tired_ Ataru thought. _Speaking to the nation is hard work. I'm just gonna go to bed._ Ataru slowly walked through the hall toward the stairs but was jolted to a stop when he heard the TV playing in the other room. He stayed for a moment, hoping to hear some other sound of life from the same room. Before he started for the stairs he crept silently to the sitting room and peered inside. He saw someone curled up in front of the TV and laying on their side as they watched. He very carefully opened the door and saw that it was Lum, asleep in front of the TV with a note on the table. Ataru, knowing the properties of Lum's sleeping, managed to silently walk to the table and read the note without noisily moving it.

…_.......huh. Well, at least they were kept up-to-date about it_ Ataru thought. _If they were coming back then they should have been here by now. It's nearly nine already..._ Ataru looked at the clock to confirm himself and saw that it was just past eight. Without admitting defeat he ignored the clock and moved to Lum's side. He turned off the TV and glanced at her to make sure she wouldn't stir. _Should I just leave her here? If I wake her up, that is, she may not settle down for a while, and then I won't be able to go to sleep until later. I bet she'll be mad at me if she finds me here in the morning and knows I didn't even bother to wake her up. I think I should do without that. I can sleep anytime now that I'm a national hero._ Ataru nudged Lum until she stirred, being careful not to be too direct or forceful at the knowledge that Lum could easily zap him if she felt threatened.

Lum slowly woke up, at first in a bit of a daze, then fully to see Ataru next to her and smiling. "Morning!" Ataru said. "You see me on TV? Pretty dashing, eh?" Lum slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes. Ataru was braced internally for a flying tackle-hug or an electric-hug, but what he got was so jarring that he knew he could never have prepared for it in his current life of training. A gentle and warm loving hug was something he got rarely, even from Lum, and it took him a second to recuperate from it and embrace her back.

"Welcome back, Darling" she said.

"Yeah, I'm home" Ataru said. They parted, though Lum kept her arms around him and her fingers netted together at the back of his neck. "How far did you watch, really?"

"The whole thing" Lum said, "right up to when you left the stage. Of course that was...." Lum paused and took a glance at the clock, then turned to Ataru skeptically. "It's not morning! I barely slept!"

"Well that's good" Ataru said. "That'll make it easier for me to go to sleep tonight."

"How's that?" Lum asked. Ataru stood up and pulled Lum up with him. She floated up, not wanting to walk on imbalanced and tired feet. She tightened her hug around his chest and floated behind him as he went up to his room, savoring their closeness and hugging him tight with no intent of ever letting go. Ataru opened the door to his room, found it pleasantly cool and walked in, just as the explosive Ran doll tumbled out and into the hall. When the door closed it immediately ran to its edge and tried pulling on it to open it back up again.

"Can you give me a sec?" Ataru asked. Lum nodded, rubbing against his back, and parted from him. He pulled up his trick tatami and opened up his secret compartment.

"What'cha doing, Darling?" Lum asked. Ataru took out his newest medal and an appraisal ticket he got from a high-end Tokyo collector's shop with a grin.

"Safeguarding my newest assets" Ataru said. He pull up the container and neatly emptied it, only to find that the order and way things fell out was neither neat nor in any intentional shape or form. He gasped loud and hopped back from the force of the discovery. "Y-y-ypu've gotta be...!!"

"What is it?" Lum asked. She saw the things sprawled out on the floor and looked over them, all out of order and in a mess. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"Someone's been through our stuff!" Ataru exclaimed. He bit his lip in frustration and panic as Lum floated down to her knees with her nails in her folded mouth.

"Is anything stolen!?" she asked, wide awake in surprise. Ataru sifted through everything, searching for anything out of place. Lum grabbed the photo album and flipped through it, taking a careful catalog inventory of all the pictures, even the ones she disliked, to make sure they were all there. Everything was in order, right up to the last page, which she cherished the most. Ataru breathed a sigh of relief when he found that all his savings, winnings and profitable items were still there as well.

"Oh, that's a relief!" Ataru said. "I thought for sure somebody cleaned me out! I was gonna start hunting people down at random! Ah! Wait a sec, I wouldn't have to do that. Lum, you have some kind of device for this, right?" Ataru turned to her and saw her staring at the last page in their photo album. He moved to look over her shoulder and then ducked away when he saw how focused and distant her eyes were. He started shoveling everything back into the case, one at a time, to get them in the right order, and placed his new medal in with his old one. "Uh, Lum, can I have that book back to put back in the case back in the floor, please?" His rushed panic didn't get through to Lum. She only sighed and smiled as she closed and hugged the book.

"I can't wait" Lum said. Ataru was scared. "It seems so long from now...I can't wait!" Ataru gulped and placed a hand on the ground to help him escape. Lum sighed and held the book out for him, catching him in a mid-vanish motion as he froze crawling toward the window. He calmly returned, crawling, took the book and stored it. "What was that just now?" Lum asked, pointing to where he had been. "Why were you crawling like that?" Ataru sealed up their safe and sealed it properly back into the floor, then covered it back up with his trick tatami.

"I need a better tatami" Ataru thought aloud. "A stronger one, one with a name to it..."

"Why were you running away?" Lum demanded. Ataru hesitated before turning his head over his shoulder innocently. "Don't try that! I'm better at that! Why were you running away just now?"

"Can you blame me?" Ataru honestly said. "Let's not get upset about it tonight."

"You can't wait either, can you?" Lum asked. Ataru turned to her, ready to defend himself, but the massive and crippling tiredness onset by his huge consumption of food overtook him and he let out a sigh of exhaustion. Lum smiled as if she had won and cradled Ataru's head against her chest. "Just think about it from my perspective" Lum said.

"That's what scares me most" Ataru admitted. Lum giggled and started rubbing a finger around in his hair.

"It'll be amazing" she said. "A beautiful wedding, with as many or as few of our friends as we like, and in the end we'll get to come out of the church-"

"To be pelted with rocks and sticks" Ataru finished.

"But you'll protect me, won't you?" Lum asked. "You wouldn't let your new wife get hit with rocks and sticks the moment after you got married, would you?"

"I'd consider my gesture as we walked out of the chapel" Ataru said. "And you better be quick on your feet! Don't wear something so huge that it slows you down. Mendo's probably gonna go berserk and chase _both_ of us with a sword."

"I wouldn't hold it past him at this point..." Lum said.

"Well, we can wait for him to say something first" Ataru said. They sat together in a calm silence for a moment and let the lights dim from the outside. "You know, I _can_ wait, but that doesn't mean I don't agree."

"I know" Lum said. "I'll try to be more patient for you, Darling..." Ataru grinned. They sat like that talking about their wedding, all the ups she wanted and the downs he wanted her to expect, until they fell asleep on the floor together....

* * *

The next morning, as Ataru hungrily scavenged through the fridge for breakfast, Mr. and Mrs. Moroboshi returned silently after their night out with their friends, neither expecting their son to be in nor to see him so early in the day. When he walked out to them, however, their reaction wasn't one of shock and horror, but of shock and happiness.

"Ataru!" Mrs. Moroboshi called. She ran forward and hugged him as he gnawed on a piece of toast. "Oh, you _are_ alive! Thank God!"

"Well......yeah basically" Ataru said, removing the toast from his mouth to talk.

"Oooh!!" His father whined, crying into his coat sleeve. "My son, the hero again! We were so upset when we first heard...that you'd died on the sun!"

"Ah yeah" Ataru said casually. "They were pretty quick about it, weren't they?" Ataru's mother kept her hands steady on his shoulders and pushed herself away, staring at her brave young son with toast in his mouth and tears in her eyes. She grabbed the toast away and walked straight to the kitchen.

"This won't do for the savior of the planet" his mother said "and the yet-again nationally recognized hero! Sit tight, Ataru, and I'll make you your favorite for breakfast: a nice hot beefbowl!"

"I had plenty of those yesterday" Ataru said. His stomach suddenly growled. "Uhh, I may have had too many, actually. I just wanted some plain toast so I wouldn't get sick today."

"Then I'll make you the **greatest toast in the world!!!"** she said, an adamant fire burning in her eyes. Her actions were brimming with a maternal shine, but Ataru could see past it to the true Moroboshi motivation within her. _Those market-prowling hags can suck it! MY son's a national Hero! Again!_ She chopped lettuce and carrots into a soup and steamed white rice at the same time that she started toasting the freshest bread they had in the freezer for her son to eat, all while smiling slyly to herself. Mr. Moroboshi and Ataru just watched her work in a slight state of bewilderment from the door of the kitchen and left for their respective rooms. Ataru came back down in a casual outfit for the day and took a seat in the sitting room where his father had already started reading the newspaper.

"Good job, by the way" he said "with saving the Earth, Ataru."

"Sure thing" Ataru said. "Does this mean I get a raise?"

"You may have helped the planet" he said over his newspaper "but I can't recall the last time you helped around the house."

"Stingy as always" Ataru seethed. "That's the last time I save any planets for you, dad!" Lum wrapped her hands around Ataru's mouth from behind, sending him into an arm-swinging panic.

"Calm down, Darling" Lum said. "And don't speak that way to your parents. It's not like you're poor!"

"What!?" his father demanded. "Wait, you're _not!?_ How!? We're barely alive financially, how are you not-" He was cut short by a loud knock at the door. Ataru sprung up and answered it, pushing Lum off his face as he opened the door.

"**GRAVE MISFORTUNE AND DESPAAAAAIR!!!!!!!"** The face of all worldly hideousness had expanded and covered the visible space before Ataru. He reeled back and slammed the door shut in shock. After taking some time to make sure he hadn't suffered from a heart attack and that Lum was okay, if unconscious, Ataru opened the door again with a flyswatter in hand. **"GRAVE-"** and he swatted Cherry on the nose. His face deflated immediately to its regular, though still repulsive, size. "Ouch! What rudness!"

"**ME RUDE!?!?!?"** Ataru bellowed. "You knocked Lum out, jerk!" Cherry cleared his throat and began humming. He tapped his staff against the ground and rang its many rings.

"Is that Cherry!?" Mrs. Moroboshi called from her cooking.

"Yeah" Ataru called back.

"Kick him!" she shouted. "I don't want him in here while I'm busy!"

"Worry not" Cherry said. "I shall forsake your home my various professional blessings as a monk for the time and get right to the point." Ataru remained ever skeptical. Cherry cleared his throat once more and pointed up to Ataru. **"I sense a great growth in you, Ataru Moroboshi!**"

"Oh?" Ataru said. "Growth of what? Gloom? Plague? _Grave Misfortune?_"

"No!" Cherry said, catching Ataru's honest attention. "I can tell that a divine power still clings to you. You carry still the light of heaven itself from your visit, and I don't doubt that the others who accompanied you do as well, but not to this degree. Your venture to the realm of the Sun Goddess has given you a heightened spiritual constitution. Your latent powers are comparable to a very young Sakura, if you need the picture painted."

"Sakura?" Ataru said, brightening up and smiling just at the mention of her name.

"Yes" Cherry said. "Still, compared to here you are hardly a shadow of a full form! You lack training, but the potential to release those energies have increased within you!"

"So I'm not all bad-luck after all! Heh!" Ataru smiled with an honest self of elevation. He felt proud, if not victorious, over hearing the news of his spiritual strengthening.

"No, you're pretty much still all bad luck" Cherry said. Ataru fell down and groaned with his face to the ground for a moment.

"Why'd you lead me on like that then?" Ataru asked.

"I did not" Cherry said. "I merely said your spiritual connectivity to the world has increased. If anything, it's made you a stronger beacon for spirits to converge at and bad luck to conglomerate upon. If anything, **going to heaven has made your life an even greater HELL!!!**" Another sharp swat, imprinting Cherry's face with a mesh-mark red, and Ataru was up on his feet again with the swatter wound up post-swing. "Why again!?" Cherry shouted.

"You don't have to exaggerate everything so damn much!" Ataru exclaimed. They snarled for a time, then calmly breathed out and parted at the same time. "Thanks for what I consider to be a warning, then. Who else should I tell?"

"Do not bother" Cherry said. "I shall make my rounds. It is my duty as a monk, after all, to bestow the blessings and tidings of spirits upon all those in need. It shall exorcise demons and placate the hostile forces of nature, for it is my sole lot in life to do so..."

"And all it costs is a week's worth of food" Ataru said.

"Hardly" Cherry said. He turned on his heel and began to walk out of the Moroboshi yard and into the street. "It is my niece who demands food for a week in lieu of money. I just eat what is there...." Ataru watched him leave, keeping a careful eye on his staff and an ear on the jingling of the rings, until it was gone. Then he closed the door and wiped his feet on the rug at the entrance of his house and brushed his hands on his pants.

"I guess I didn't miss him as much as I thought" Ataru said, still feeling the need to brush himself off after the encounter. Lum was still in mid-hover, shock white and fainted from the sudden surprise of seeing Cherry's enormous face pop up like it did. Ataru tapped her head, lightly slapped her cheeks and positioned her upside-down to try and wake her up. "Can't blame her. I'd be in shock for a week solid if I had a weaker constitution after seeing _that_..." Ataru turned her upright again and lightly forced her mouth shut and her lips closed. _You, of all people, better appreciate this right now..._ Ataru leaned forward and kissed her awake, breaking apart just as Lum really woke up and started leaning in as well.

"Huh? No, keep going" Lum said, drifting forward at Ataru. He held up a hand and intercepted her kiss with his palm, forcing her to stop and land on her feet again. "What happened?"

"Oh....nothing" Ataru said. "Just try not to think too hard about it." Lum held her head and rubbed it to try and quell the post-trauma headache she was feeling. "By the way, I may be more unlucky than usual for some reason."

"Why?" Lum asked.

"Uhh....just a premonition" Ataru said. "I can kinda...feel it. The badness, preparing to happen." Lum hugged his arm and cuddled against his shoulder.

"I won't let anything terrible happen to my Darling" she cooed.

"You will" Ataru warned "if I can't use my arm to eat anything."

"Breakfast is ready for the hero of Earth!" Mrs. Moroboshi called. Ataru charged into the room and slid on his knees into position. Before him was a basket full of toasted bread, a pot of stew, a huge bowl of rice and an empty bowl for taking the stew from the pot. His mother was sweating and her hair was out of place from the active cooking she had just finished and Ataru was immediately drooling over the pile of food. Lum sat next to him and smiled happily at his eager and hungry appearance. Ten floated in to the room and saw the food, imitating Ataru almost perfectly as he floated down beside Lum.

"Thanks for the foooood!" Ataru and Ten said, immediately devouring as fast as the could. The table became a battlefield and all were involved, even Lum who pushed and grabbed her way to the food just as ferociously as her Darling not out of hunger but gleefully out of sport.

* * *

"That was fun" Ataru said. "I hope we get to do that again some time!"

"You think most people would see how we eat" Lum asked "and try to correct us?"

"Most people would try to correct us" Ataru said "without seeing anything we do together." Lum smiled and took his hand in hers.

"I love you" she said with a peck of a kiss on his cheek. Ataru smiled at her and stumbled over a rock. Everyone in the park saw them walking and turned immediately. It was Lum in her tight capri pants and pink button-down blouse tied up in a knot with an exposed midriff that caught the eyes of most of the men. Ataru, in his casual dress jeans and plain T-shirt, drew the eyes of most women and some men not because of his looks but because of his self. The park was abuzz behind the couple's own backs as they walked together, all gossiping faster than some could even talk.

"That's him!" someone whispered loudly to their friend. "That's that Ataru Moroboshi kid!"

"The national hero!?" their friend said. "Isn't he also a locally renowned lady-killer, or something?"

"How'd that lecher Ataru Moroboshi save the planet anyway?" a girl said to her friends. "He does nothing but hit on girls!"

"And look at his latest victim" one of her friends said. "What's with her hair?"

"I remember!" another friend said. "She's that alien girl, Lum! She tried taking over the Earth a while ago, remember!? Then he proposed to her and saved the planet!"

"Eh!?" the first girl exclaimed. "He's saved the planet _twice!?_"

The talking was everywhere. When Lum and Ataru were near they only got the familiar yet distant glances. Then, when they were out of earshot, people began talking up storms. Even though they couldn't hear the exact words, both Ataru and Lum knew what a crowd of people whispering all at once sounded like and it was loud enough to get on both their nerves.

"This isn't exactly peaceful" Lum said.

"Yeah, isn't it?" Ataru said. He sighed and looked around. "There might be less people in town today. Lots of people would want to be in the park since it stopped being so hot."

"Right" Lum said. "Let's find a nice place to sit or a nice movie to watch."

"Let's just sit first" Ataru said "and plan things out once we're rested, okay?" Lum nodded. Whatever plan he had was a good plan to her, so long as they were planning together. Ataru and Lum found a bench just outside the park and sat down. Ataru watched people walking around, some ignoring him and then spotting him as they walked past. Even there the gossip continued and made Lum uncomfortable.

"This isn't working" Lum said. "Maybe we should just go home."

"Nah" Ataru denied, "there's nothing to do there."

"Hey! Moroboshi!" a random streetwalker called. Ataru turned and saw a man waving with a camera in his hand coming at him. "Hey! Hey! Can I get a picture!?"

"You can try" Ataru said. Just as the man lined up a shot Ataru pulled out a piece of metal and reflected the flash of the bulb back into the man's lens, dizzying him and ruining the picture. Lum turned and saw Ataru wielding a heat-proof metal pan with a rubber grip.

"Why do you keep that on you?" she asked probingly. Ataru just stowed it back in the pocket it came from and turned away to whistle. Lum slid down the bench and leaned her face at him. He drew away, become tense and nervous as she closed in on him, until he heard the crackle of static from her body.

"KYAAAA!!!" a girl shrieked. Ataru and Lum both turned immediately, assuming someone had once again found them out in public, to see a girl running down the street with a look of terror on her face. "Someone call the police! Two people are trying to commit a suicide!"

"What!?" a man exclaimed. "Wait, miss, I'm a police officer. Are you sure about this!?"

"You're not dressed like one" Ataru pointed out.

"I'm off duty!!!" he shouted in rage.

"They're on top of a building" the girl rapidly explained "and standing on the edge of the fence on the roof! It's only six stories high but it's still a fatal fall!"

"Haven't you fallen from higher, Darling?" Lum asked in a hushed voice.

"No" Ataru answered "and this could be serious. Let's go see what we can do."

"But what _could_ we do?" Lum asked. Ataru stood up and she followed him up, so into the moment that she retained her bench-sitting position while in the air. Ataru looked down at her legs, forcing her to look down as well, and she realized just then what really _could_ be done. She stood next to him and nodded.

"They're down this way!" the girl called. The police officer was joined by a few brave gentlemen, Ataru and Lum who all raced together down the street. They reached the side of the building and looked straight up at the two plainly human shadows perched high up on the edge of a chain-link fence, holding arms and seemingly ready to jump.

"Is anyone else up there?" the policeman asked.

"This building's off limits" Ataru called, pointing out the signs all over the front and the boarded up door. "How'd they get up there to begin with?"

"Crazy dare-devils turned deviants" the police officer said. "Gah! If only I had a bullhorn!"

"Just shout" Ataru said. "It's not that high. In the meantime, Lum, go talk some sense into them."

"Right!" Lum said with a positive nod.

"Don't get distracted by whatever romantic love-story they have" Ataru warned "about how dying together is a better way for them than living in a world that doesn't accept their love...or whatever!" The eyes of the men were glaring Ataru down. He felt their pressure and the tension behind it as Lum turned with her eyes moist.

".....but such a world....who would want it?" she said.

"Don't get stupid on me!" Ataru demanded. "Just go up and save them!"

"Relax!" Lum said as she started flying up. "I'm much smarter than that, Darling!" Ataru sighed with relief but was pushed down by strong hands on each shoulder.

"Hey you" the police officer said. "**You're Ataru Moroboshi, right?"**

"Yeah" Ataru said.

"And that's your fiancee, Lum, the alien girl, right?" another man said.

"Well, that's a term of technicality, really" Ataru said.

"**YOU BASTARD! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO SOONER!!!"** the officer shouted. "If we knew she could fly **I wouldn't have bothered COMING HERE!!!"**

"Me neither!" the other man shouted.

"I'm double-parked right now, you ass!" the third man growled. Ataru suddenly, and without reason, found himself at the epicenter of an enormous amount of hate. The only thing he could think of at the moment was a damnation against a certain bald monk whose ugly face he could see in the horizon grinning and chanting between laughs. Lum reached the top of the building and saw the two standing, arm in arm, dressed in Sunday-best attire, balanced so precariously on the edge of the flimsy metal fence that swayed unevenly with their weight on it. One was a man and the other a woman, both with tanned skin and a deep, impenetrable stare of love cast into each-other's eyes.

"Stop, you two!" Lum demanded, pointing a demanding finger. The two turned to her slowly and saw that she was floating. Initially, they were surprised, but didn't move. They just widened their eyes as they looked at her. "Love is a beautiful thing, meant for the living! You shouldn't have to love each other only in death! You have so much more to live, and so much more love to give each other! Why would you want to end it here? So what if people around you don't accept your love? Leave them! It's better to be loved and loved back than hated and persecuted for your love by those who you thought really cared about you! Whatever the problem is, I beg you, work it out before you do this! **Don't waste all your love only to die!**" The two blinked at her and turned their eyes back to each other.

"We were never going to jump" the man said. Lum charismatic speech suddenly became useless, and with its drop in value she lost a bit of altitude and a great bit of control to her expression. Now she sparked a bit of lightning and her mouth curled open with furrowed brows to make a smirk of disbelief.

"Eh?" Lum grunted.

"Not to our deaths, of course" the woman said. Suddenly, they both hopped from the edge of the building and kissed in mid-air. Lum's body froze up in that instant as she watched them drift slowly downward, in a slowed space of time, her mouth dropping wide in terror as they both fell straight to the ground.

"AAAAH!!! SHE SCREWED UP ANYWAAAYY!!!" Ataru shouted. The girl who had led him there turned away and screamed. The couple parted and turned back. **Thick and sturdy black ropes extended from their waists up to the chain fence where they just stood and fed through a pack they both wore on their backs. They grabbed the ropes and repelled safely back down the ground after bounding off the second story window and landing perfectly on the ground.** Ataru was speechless. The girl turned and was speechless as well. A speechless Lum descended with her mouth wide open to see the couple run together and hug each other with a grateful twirl.

"Oh, what a rush that was!" the girl said.

"Indeed" the boy agreed. "I'm just glad the ropes lasted this time! I thought it was in bad taste not to bring a parachute, but I guess it ended up giving us a bit more fortune than normal!"

"I swore those ropes wouldn't stay together" the girl said "when I repaired them last night. I only used glue, but it seems to have worked just fine!"

_Great_ Ataru thought as his face sank from disbelief and shock to depression and angst. _My first act of bad luck is meeting a couple maniacs...._ The boy and girl embraced and kissed, an act so intensely passionate and romantic that they literally sparkled and wowed both Lum and the nameless nearby girl into a cooing frenzy.

"How romantic!!!" the girl said.

"Yeaaaah" Lum awed. _Still_ she thought in a rational voice, _what the heck was that about!?_


	42. Chapter 42

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Danger Dating Couple!

* * *

The two couples reconciled to sit together and discuss what just happened, whatever it was, in a nearby restaurant. After their successful jump they were constantly fawning over each other, holding both hands and rubbing noses, regardless of who was watching from across the room. Their drinks came at last, plain water for Ataru, something spicy for Lum and both young lovers sharing a frothy looking red pink drink together.

"So" Ataru began, "what's up with dating on top of a decrepit building?"

"Darling" Lum hushed. "You're being too forward. Uh, I'm sorry to ask this now, but what are you names?"

"Oh, don't be sorry at all!" the young man said. "I suppose it's quite rude of us not to introduce ourselves earlier."

"We're the ones to be sorry" the girl said. "My name is Yuka, and my lovely man here is Ono." They cradled and hugged each other, so sickeningly sweet that the patrons sitting behind them got up and left immediately. Lum was in awe, sparkling-eyed envy over their lovely public display and tried to hold Ataru's hand. He, however, was just as sickened as the regular customers around him in watching them cuddle. To him, as cute a girl as Yuka was, he saw her as a part of a whole that included an equal part of male, thus canceling out any persistent attraction factors in him.

"So Yuka" Lum began, "I hope you don't mind, but what kind of date had you planned to take place on the ledge of a building?"

"Oh, right" Ono said. "We haven't explained ourselves at all."

"And we caused such a hassle" Yuka said. She became dramatic and distressed, falling away into Ono's outstretched hands. "Oh, my Sweeheart, what if they riot against us? What if they hunt us down and torture us for causing such an unwanted panic?"

"There, there, my precious flower" Ono replied, prompting more people to leave, "if such a thing happens, I will fight them off."

"No!" she said. "You can't!"

"Hello?" Ataru said. "Hey, you're avoiding things." Lum elbowed him, so enticed by their romantic performance that she glittering lights and flowers framed around them.

"Fear not!" Ono said. "I shall never boat the boat across the Sanzu river until we may do so hand-in-hand. I shall wait an eternity for you should I fall, even if you become a goddess and live forever!"

"Oh, Ono!" Yuka exclaimed. She jumped up into a warm embrace, radiating pure love so sweet that some patrons left with their hands over their mouths, unable to process such purity and loveliness. Ataru stopped the whole thing by snapping his fingers, and they turned to him promptly.

"Can you be a little more specific, please?" Ataru asked.

"Darling, be patient!" Lum said. "I'm sure they were getting to it!"

"Oh, sorry" Ono said. He and Yuka parted and rubbed the back of their necks together with embarrassed smiles. "Actually, we were getting a little too involved with all that."

"Sorry" Yuka said with a nervous laugh. "Uh, well, how to explain this." She returned to a normal position and began to illustrate her point with a finger pointed up. "You see, Ono and I have been dating since high school. We had almost every date imaginable."

"We went to movies, amusement parks, walks through pristine parks" Ono explained "all on the same day! Those were such lovely dates, but after we'd done virtually everything a dating couple can do before marriage, our relationship hit a terrible rut."

"It was a solid week of absolute boredom" Yuka said. "We found ourselves walking through the same parks, eating at the same romantic restaurants..."

"Waiting in line at the same marriage registery" Ono said. They both sighed as they relived that fateful boredom, all while keeping Lum wholly enticed and Ataru distantly and impatiently hanging on for a proper explanation. "Then, one day, I thought up a brilliant new plan: to go to the beach!"

"We'd done it so many times before" Yuka said "but I had a feeling that it was something different. So I trusted my love's instincts and we went to the beach."

"Coincidentally" Ono said "there was a national warning against a potential tsunami that day, and all sea-side cities were on a full lock-down status."

_This just got interesting_ Ataru thought. Lum was also brought down out of her heightened state of fawning romance and looked shocked.

"We nearly died that day" Yuka said with dreamy longing. "We were holding each other as the monstrous waves beat us down and into the ocean. We were pulled out by the tide on a broken piece of driftwood that had somehow found us, and drifted along the coast too weak to swim until we were picked up by a fishing boat and brought home to safety!"

"It was the first truly different and romantic date we'd had all week" Ono said "and it shattered the bordedom of our daily lives! That's when we decided to continue with high-risk dating to keep the fire of our love alive!" Lum quietly blinked.

"High-risk dating?" Ataru asked.

"What's that?" Lum asked.

"Ah, we've done so much with it" Ono said nostalgically. "We've gone to Hokkaido in the winter and ran around in swimsuits after each other. We've spent nights together in occupied bear caves. We've been lost together in the wilderness with no supplies to keep us going but our perpetual love for a personal record of twelve days!"

"Just when I thought I needed food or I'd die" Yuka said, "our love pulled me through!"

_They're insane!_ Ataru realized. Lum hadn't gotten that far yet, but the romantic awe she had was definitely drained.

"In the days following today" Ono said "we'd taken the habit of going outside for picnics in the park when the sun was deathly hot."

"However" Yuka said remissly "when the scorching sun left so too did our ability to frequent dangerous dating. On our way back home we saw that building, and decided to got there today and eat our lunch while sitting at the top of the rickety wire-mesh fence, hoping to get the spark of love back into our dating again!"

"Uh-huuuh" Ataru said with a nod. "So.....what are you gonna do now? Go waltzing in a bat cave? Or underwater diving with only one tank of air?"

"Don't encourage them" Lum hissed in a whisper. Ataru turned to her and whispered back.

"I thought you were on their side!"

"They're nuts!" Lum attested. "Why would they do stuff like that if they love each other!? One of them could die someday, and then where will they be!?"

"The boundaries of love" Yuka said, overhearing them "are not limited to this one, mortal life."

"If the dangers happen to do us in" Ono said "we will be happy knowing that we died in the name of 'Love'!" Their radiance started to show again, and Lum's refute of their sanity was quickly withdrawn as she looked at them with teary eyes of empathy.

"Our dream wedding" Yuka began "is to take place on the wing of a moving airplane, and then jump off and parachute our way through the roof of an incredibly wealthy family's mansion."

"Once inside" Ono said "we will take the master hostage and lock ourselves in the master bedroom with him blinded and stuffed in a box while we consummate our eternal vows together."

"Then we will live every day of our lives in constant danger" Yuka said, dreamily and longingly, "as the entire nation hunts for us to rectify our terrible crime of love!"

"We will live on the run from the law" Ono said "with no one but each other for all time!"

"And eventually leave the country by stowing away on an express plane to Europe" Yuka finished, "and share our stories of love with a culture that truly understands true love in the face of adversity!"

"What a wonderful life!!!" they both said with a dreamy sigh. Ataru was stunned by their insanity, so much so that all he could do was drink his water and pretend it didn't happen. Lum, however, was so enthralled by their absolute devotion, despite the obvious maddness of it, that she leaned forward and capture their attention at once.

"You two" she began, "I'd like to make it up to you for today. It seems that, somehow, we may have spoiled you date, so please let me help you make your next one even more romantic!"

"Oh?" Ono said.

"Well we'd be honored to have someone help us" Yuka said "but just how do you plan on doing that?"

"Darling, shake!" Lum said, commanding Ataru like a dog. He mindlessly grunted and complied, and for it got a powerful sudden jolt of electricity through his body. Lum snapped her fingers and flew out a lightning spark while Ataru's head hit the table and he sighed out smoke.

"What was that for, demon?" he asked weakly. Ono and Yuka were shocked at Lum's display of power and applauded with their arms interlaced.

"I can certainly make a date dangerous for you" Lum said. Before she could go one Ataru interrupted her with a growl of anger.

"You're gonna pay for that, you know!?" he said.

"Oh?" Ono began. "Well, alright, I shall."

"I think it would be rude not to" Yuka said "considering how rare it must be to find someone like you in this world, Lum!" Ono took out his wallet and thumbed through the thick wad of bills he had in it. He took out a sum of 10,000 yen and handed it to Ataru.

"It'd be completely inexcusable not to pay for this favor" Ono said. "In fact, poverty dating would be just as interesting as high-risk dating. Stealing from restaurants and even skimping on our wedding bill would just make life that much more exciting to live!"

"If it comes to that" Yuka admitted "we'll be happy." Ataru was speechless, but not dumbfounded, and pocketed the money before they could take it back and before Lum could deny taking it.

* * *

After their sit-down, Ataru and Lum returned home while Ataru chuckled to himself as he counted the money Ono had selflessly given him.

"It's wrong, Darling" Lum said suddenly.

"Ah, who're we to criticize their love?" Ataru asked, looking over the cash. "If they want to take a jog in a hailstorm, or swim in crude oil that's just how they'll express their honest love for each other!"

"Not that!" Lum exclaimed. "I didn't want to be paid for this! I wanted to help them because they were honest with us about their love!"

"So?" Ataru asked.

"So!?" Lum shouted. "Don't give me 'so'! I want you to give Ono's money back!"

"No way!" Ataru shouted. "He paid for it! No refunds, that's how this business works!"

"What business?" Lum asked. "Darling, you're talking strange. It sounds to me like you're trying to take advantage of me..."

"No" Ataru flatly denied "you're letting _other_ people take advantage of your own good-will. I'm just cashing in on it."

"You have plenty of money already!" Lum exclaimed. "Why would you need that! Your smallest amount of winnings from Mendo are bigger than that." Ataru turned to her seriously.

"That's investment money" he explained. "This, Lum, is pocket money, to be used at my discretion without any planning whatsoever. That's what's so great about being naturally lucrative: you get all kinds of money from all kinds of people!"

"I'll only accept this behavior" Lum huffed "if you use that money towards a date for us!"

"I'm sure I can think of something" Ataru said as he stacked the money and sealed it in his own secure wallet.

"Really?" Lum asked with high hopes.

"Sure" Ataru said. "If I tell you something's for our date, no matter what I actually do with it, you'll be entitled to believe me! Hehe!" Ataru left the room with a wave and shut Lum in.

"Grrrr!" Lum growled. She felt a growing urge to chase Ataru and start shocking him, but he'd been in mixed spirits since she did it to him at the restaurant and was trying to hold back. She had decided, after some conflicted internal negotiating, to set up a sort of lightning-storm effect for Ono and Yuka's next date, firing random lightning bolts at them from above while they sat on the grass and fed each other. A perfect mix of danger and romance, she thought, that no one would decline....no one with the masochistic tendencies of those two, that is.

"Hmmmm" Lum sighed. She floated down and sat at the kotatsu table with her face rested in her hand. "What should I do? I feel bad about taking their money for a favor, but still....Darling's happy about it. They're both happy about it. I suppose there's really no reason for me to be unhappy about it, especially since I'll be helping make their date more exciting and then everyone will be happy. In the end, I guess things worked out for the best...but still, I fell a little conflicted about it. I'm all for romance, but the danger seems to outweigh the love in most of their scenarios...." Lum laid down and turned over, keeping her legs inside the warm kotatsu blanket while she rested her head in her arms and thought.

_I can't resolve this alone it seems_ she realized. _If I ask Darling he'll just by sly about keeping the money, regardless of what I really want answered. Maybe Mrs......Mother would know what to do if I ask politely._ Lum flew out from under the kotatsu and went downstairs, planting her feet once again to walk to the kitchen where Mrs. Moroboshi was chopping radishes and humming happily.

"Um....mom?" Lum said.

"Yes, dear?" Mrs. Moroboshi said. Lum floated up and smiled widely at her immediate response. Mrs. Moroboshi stared at her apprehensively as she hovered close and took her hand.

"Mom, can I talk to you about a personal problem?" Lum asked.

"Uh, sure" Mrs. Moroboshi said. "You can talk to me about nearly anything, Lum."

"Well" Lum began, "I seem to be feeling a bit conflicted. I met a couple today and promised to help them with a date they were planning, and despite my good-will about doing it for free, Darling still managed to get them to pay for it. I'm just feeling so torn. On one hand, I don't want to let Darling's underhandedness win out or he'll just keep doing it over and over again. On the other hand, I can't go back on what I said, because I _do_ really want to help them. I'm at a total crossroad. Is it really okay to hurt someone if it's in their best interest, mom?" Mrs. Moroboshi put her hand on Lum's shoulder to show the kindness of her own intentions, but took up her chopping knife, sharp and shiny, and started to turn away with a motherly smile on her face.

Ataru and his father were sitting in the next room at the table, Ataru watching television with a grin on his face and his father reading the newspaper. In stormed his mother, who brandished the knife, and pulled all the attention her way.

"**How much have you stolen, spawn of mine?**" she demanded in a low, threatening voice. Ataru shouted and scrambeled up and away while her husband ducked under his newspaper and tried to hide. She chased Ataru around the room and cornered him. "Lum told me you were charging people for dating help. **What kind of illegitimate business are you in, Ataru!?**"

"How much did you get!?" his father roared, staying away from the conflict itself.

"Ninja Art: Vanish Technique!" Ataru shouted. He suddenly disappeared, leaving only his shirt in his mother's balled fist, and she looked around in a startled panic for her son, only to see him sneaking upstairs in his undershirt.

"How dare you try and escape!" his mother shouted. "Get back here! You know you owe your father and I for putting up with you fay after day! **How much is it!?**"

"Go get him, mother!" Mr. Moroboshi called. Lum watched the scene from the hallway and sighed in defeat. She went out the front door and flew up to the balcony window, tapping the glass while Ataru braced his door against his mother who rammed into it with all her strength. After finally feeling the twinge of pain stress on her shoulder she gave up forced entry and walked away.

"Damn" she cursed. "You will have to come out sometime, son of mine. You owe us both **in spades!**" As she left Lum entered as Ataru slowly opened and then quickly closed the window.

"What the hell was that about!?" Ataru exclaimed. "Hey, Lum, what'd you say to my mother to get her like that!? You didn't tell her about the money, did you?"

"Yes" Lum said. "Sorry. But you know, I think if you gave your mom the money, I'd be okay. As it stands I just can't focus right. I'm still so guilt-ridden about charging Ono and Yuka for their date when I promised to do it out of the love of their romance, I don't think I could even go through with it right now." Ataru was frozen in stone. He saw exactly what Lum was doing, and he surrendered. Lum watched him go to the door and remove the barricade he had set up, then open his wallet and remove the newly added 10,000 yen in bills. He opened the door and pitched it out, then slammed it shut with a glare in her direction. She was smiling softly at him, trying to beat him into submission with her beauty, and as he relented with a scoff she flew over and gave him a hug.

"Forgive me" Lum said "but I swore to do it out of the goodness of _our_ hearts, Darling. I know you can understand, even just a bit, how I feel."

"Oh yeah" Ataru said, patting her back, "I do. But, don't think that this is the only time I'll do that. The first time will be out of the goodness of my heart, but after that my heart needs money." Lum pulled away and turned around in the air.

"Oh, Darling, how cruel you are!" she began, imitating the sweetly tragic tone that Yuka had taken earlier in her over-the-top act in the restaurant. "To pry at the pursestrings of a loving young man and woman, entangled with love, out of the love of your own greed for money! Do you not know true love like those two love? Oh Darling, my heart aches! I won't sleep tonight! We may have to cancel the plans after all....."

"Come on, Lum" Ataru said, already seated and skimming through the pages of a magazine. "You think a liar can't tell a lie? And get some acting lessons." Lum turned around and stuck out her tongue, nice and long, to taunt him back into submission.

* * *

"Here" Ono said. "Say 'Ahhh'!"

Yuka opened her mouth and received the strawberry he delicately handed to her. "Mmmmm" she moaned. "It's so sweet!"

"And so are you" Ono said. "Your taste reflects who you are perfectly."

"Oh, Ono" she sighed. She laid her head in his lap and narrow dodged a winding bolt of lightning that randomly struck the ground. "Hmm? Did you say something my dear?"

"No, sweetheart, I didn't" Ono said. "The winds must be trying to talk to you, as only the divine could possibly grace your beautiful ears."

"Oh, Ono" she sighed. Another lightning bolt struck nearby and singed the edge of their picnic blanket. It was the peak of a bright day with mixed, brief cloudiness in the park of Tomobiki. Ataru watched from a safe distance with a flat cap and casual jacket over his usual plain shirt and pants. He withheld most of his scorn but still looked on in a mixed state of envy and disgust as Lum hovered above with her eyes covered, throwing random jolts of electricity down at the area where Ono and Yuka picnicked. The danger was obvious, as lighting hurt and constant strikes would easily strike them out of consciousness, but Ataru remained ever skeptical with no money in pocket to justify the senseless romantic gesture he saw.

"They could just pick a stormy day" Ataru thought aloud "and picnic at the top of the Tokyo Tower, right? There's even less chance of surviving it then...." The regular bystanders of the park that afternoon took great precaution in avoiding the area which Ataru had marked off with signs showing Lum's cute face and lightning bolts framing it. 'WARNING! ONI AT WORK' they said in bold black text against yellow backdrops. Until people saw the lightning and Lum who threw it, they thought it was some strange and confusingly pointless prank, and walked by clueless. Meanwhile, the date went on, going through the lunch they had prepared to and onto their next activity of gleefully running after each other.

"Ono!" Yuka called. "Try and catch me!" Lum charged up a bolt and threw it, hitting Yuka square on. She was zapped into standing still and her hair stood out at its ends. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes shot wide open.

"Here I come!" Ono called. "Yukaaa!" Yuka just stood, unable to move, and coughed out a quick breath before falling flat on her back. "Yuka? YUKAAA!!!" Ono shouted. He raced over and slid across the grass on his knees to pick his beloved up. "Yuka, are you alright? What happened? Did you get sunstroke?" Another lightning bolt hit very nearby and blew some grass into Ono's face. He was stunned with fear and twitched an eye. _I hope she's not actually aiming_ he through. _She agreed to be blindfolded to be random about it, but it seems she's really intentionally trying to-_

"Ughhhh" Yuka groaned. She awoke with a hand somehow moved up to her forehead, like a damsel in distress, and slowly opened her eyes. "Ono? What happened?"

"You fainted so suddenly, Yuka" Ono said. "I was so afraid. Thank God you seem alright." Another bolt hit nearby, though they both managed to ignore it.

_I hope I haven't hit one of them yet_ Lum thought. _I can't see anything with this blindfold and I can't hear anything over my own zapping. I'm sure they won't mind, though..._

"Ono, my love" Yuka said with their hands held together, "would you still love me if even the heavens try to strike me down?"

"You and I" Ono began "shall face the heavens together, and conquer their power with our love!"

"Oh Ono!" she exclaimed.

"Yuka, my love!" Ono exclaimed. They closed in for a kiss. At this point they'd attracted quite a few spectators, watching from the path walkway as they could see the grassy area around them was too dangerous with the Oni hovering above.

"What's going on?" a girl asked. Ataru, nearby, walked up and grinned at her.

"Oh, it's a masochist date" he said. "They wanted to know what it'd be like to be struck by lighting repeatedly."

"Eh!?" the girl exclaimed.

"There's weird people in the world" her apparent boyfriend said. He looked down and saw his girlfriend removed from his side and shifted over with Ataru's arm wrapped around her.

"There's all kinds of love in the world, don't you think?" Ataru said.

"Uh, yeah" she answered. "Whatever makes them happy..."

"And what makes _you_ happy?" Ataru asked slyly. She giggled and shied away as he leaned in to her. Her boyfriend smacked Ataru down and took his girl away with his arm around her and a shamed blush on his face. Lum had charged up a sizeable strike of lightning and took careful aim with it, despite being blindfolded. Ono and Yuka gently kissed, the peak of the romance in the moment, when Lum fired her lightning. It struck with a blinding flash of light and a crack of sudden thunder throughout the park, jarring their bodies which twitched and reeled in pain without separating their lips until the smoke had cleared and the thunder died. Then, they parted, their skin charred brown and their hair smoking, with their eyes half-empty from the dose of shocking pain.

"Yyyyyyyyour kiss izzzzzz " Ono said, stuttering his words with twitching movements of his lips, residual effects of being electrocuted.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Yuka groaned lifelessly. Then they both fell to the ground together.

"Hup. Looks like they're dead now" Ataru said with a quick push of his hat brim. He pulled out a small communicator and pressed the call button on its side. "Hey Lum, it looks like it's over."

"Eh?" Lum began. "Why's that."

"Well, they're dead" Ataru said.

"**WHAT!?"** Lum shouted, so loud through the radio that Ataru had to hold it back.

"Well, they're not moving right now" Ataru said. "Just land and take off your blindfold, okay?"

"I didn't mean to hit them!" Lum exclaimed. Ataru raced across the grass while the rest of the spectators continued watching, wondering whether they really _were_ dead or not. Lum hovered down, suddenly distraught and guilt-filled, and took off her blindfold. She was breathing deep breaths and looked around for the two, not knowing that she had landed and was standing on top of both of them.

"Give them a kick, Lum" Ataru said "and see if they're okay." Lum blinked and wondered what Ataru meant, then looked down and jumped up with a dreadful gasp.

"Darling" she said, beginning to sob, "what have we done?"

"Don't be so upset" Ataru said. "They knew the risks and they accepted the danger regardless. We will honor them, as the soldiers they were!" Ataru cast his gaze high up into the sky where he saw their faces, shining with pride, with Ono giving a thumb up and a wink as his likeness drifted high into the heavens. Then Ono coughed and Ataru was drawn back to Earth. "Ah, they're alive." Ono and Yuka got up with rigid groans of pain, their first experience of Lum's power being roughly the same as anyone else's aside from their sudden inexplicable ability to stand up after it.

"Are you two okay?" Lum asked with worry.

"Oh, yes, we're fine" Yuka said.

"A bit numb all over" Ono said with a smile "but we're alive and fine."

"That was a bit _too_ dangerous though, wasn't it?" Yuka asked. "It was more exciting that I thought it would be!"

"Agreed" Ono said. "Lum, that last bolt that struck as we kissed, in all honesty I thought it wasn't real. I imagined that the rush of adrenaline from dodging bolts of lightning coupled with the tender kiss of my love had sent that thrilling shock through my body!"

"I thought the same" Yuka said.

"But it's still obvious" Ataru pointed out "that you were hit by lightning. So, how was this date?" Ono and Yuka looked at each other, then smiled wide with smoke escaping their mouths at Ataru and Lum.

"Thank you very much!" they both said. "It was an unforgettable thrill!"

"I'm glad you're okay" Lum said. "Honestly, I didn't know what to think about this, but if you're both happy and alright, then it's fine."

"Lum" Yuka said, stepping forward, "you've done such a wonderful job we'd like you to consider helping us again."

"If it's too much of a hassle" Ono said "please know that we can certainly pay for you to continue heightening the danger risk of our dating."

"Oh, well" Lum began hesitantly, "I'm glad to help, but I'm honestly a bit concerned for your health."

"Oh, don't be" Ono said. "My father's a doctor, and her father's a surgeon. We have money to spare and astounding health care! It is danger that gives our love such an unmistakable flavor of grandeur!" While Lum was smiling politely and nervously Ataru was working numbers in his head.

"Then, how about we go with the constant rate of 10,000 yen?" he said.

"Oh, of course" Ono said. "I'll pay you after the date, if that is acceptable. I don't usually bring my wallet on particularly dangerous outings like this."

"Good thing, too" Yuka said. "Your cash may have caught fire."

"But it wouldn't burn hotter" he said "than the flame I have for you in my heart." They closed in on each other, lost in sparkling romantic pools of their eyes, while the spectators departed from the mushy scene.

"That's probably a minor heart attack" Ataru said. "I'd go home if I were you."

"We shall" Ono said. "Thank you again! I hope we meet soon!"

"Lum, I'll call you when we have a date planned" Yuka called. "Take care!"

"You too" Lum said. She and Ataru left while Ono and Yuka stood gazing at each other in the middle of a battle-zone area with scorched earth everywhere.

"Well, that was interesting" Ataru said. "You feel alright about it now, Lum?"

"Sort of" Lum said. "Can we hold hands, Darling? All the romance in the air...I feel sort of left out."

"Oh, uh, sure" Ataru said. They moved their hands together and then Ataru jerked his quickly away. "Yow! Watch the zapping."

"Eh?" Lum said. She looked at her hand and moved it close to the metal frame of a nearby bench. Tiny streaks arced from her skin into the metal constantly and eventually they stopped. She drew her hand away and held it out again. "Try it now." Ataru took a hesitant hand up to hers and carefully touched it. He wasn't shocked and held onto it, bringing it down with his other hand in his pants pocket as they walked through the park together.

"That was strange" Ataru said.

"Oh, it'll be fine" Lum said. "Just a little overcharge, it happens from time to time."

"'S that so?" Ataru asked. "Well, as long as you say it's fine..." So the day ended as it often does in Tomobiki, with someone's hospital report saying they'd been 'repeatedly struck by lightning on an otherwise cloudless and peaceful day', making the strange town the statistical worst place on Earth to live for those afraid of lightning strikes...


	43. Chapter 43

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Dangers of Danger Dating...

* * *

A whistle sound rose into the air, and then after it followed Yuka, who took a leaping jump from a high angle. She was clad in a bikini swimsuit and made a dive straight down for the water below. Ataru, on the sidelines outside the pool, watched eagerly, finding Yuka attractive without Ono in her immediate proximity. Just before she hit the water with arms forward Ataru cringed and shied away as the water splashed up. After a moment Yuka resurfaced with a content sigh.

"Now" she began "I'll try it in the middle-area!"

"Be careful" the lifeguard-on-duty called. She swam out to the side of the pool and ran around its edge. "Hey, no running!" the lifeguard called with delicate apathy. Yuka was giggling happily and sparkling traces of water left her body as she ran.

"It's dangerous to run, Yuka!" Ataru called, as he was already chasing after her. Ono came out from the changing room and was hit head-on by Yuka, who slipped on her own wet feet and flipped full backwards as Ono was thrown down onto his back. Ataru slid to a stop and crouched down. Taking up a stick somehow near the community pool, Ataru poked Ono low on the back as he and she groaned in pain. Then, suddenly, they rose up, Ono rubbing his head and Yuka holding her nose, their free hands held together, instantly turning Ataru off.

"My love" Ono began, "are you quite alright?" Yuka nodded and gave a muffled response. "You shouldn't be so quick to get places. You see what could happen? What if you tripped into the arms of a man and it wasn't me?" Yuka gasped at the mere thought of it.

"Why" she said with a nasal voice, "why I don't know _what_ I'd do! I'd be so embarrassed."

"But wait, Yuka!" Ono called, embracing her tight, throwing out an arm to paint a more illustrious picture for her with an intense voice. "What if, **it's a YAKUZA!!!**" Yuka gasped deeply yet again in fear. "What if you bump into a Yakuza and, suddenly, without warning, you are thrust into the dangerous belly of the beast of Tokyo's underground? He would steal you away, or say something like 'Hey, you know who you're bumping into here, girly? I'll make you suffer for that!'"

"Noooo!" Yuka cried. "I don't want to be called 'girly' by an ugly man like that!"

"Don't fret" Ono said, holding her tight. "I won't let it happen. Come into my arms, my dear."

"Sweetheart!" Yuka called.

"It's not exactly fair" Ataru said from his pool-side chair "to be making money off of this..." Ataru and Lum had conspired earlier to help their date, which they determined spur of the moment to be one at the local pool, be as dangerous as possible. The lifeguard on duty was only proposed to act as one, and admitted that he couldn't even swim, though it made little difference to anyone in the mix. The pool was empty, cleared out for a temporary private party, and though citizens angrily protested outside the gates, they were kept mildly sedated by a Dappya Ice Cream cart summoned up at the last minute by Lum. This was the mission that Ataru sat in on: to make a pool as dangerous as possible without inflicting major injury on either dater.

"Let us charge, my love!" Ono shouted. "To the water!"

"Jump on!" Yuka called. They held hands and ran in a tango-style step onto the diving board. After one half-bouncing step the board broke and sent them both straight into the water. Ono immediately rose to breathe and was hit as the board toppled right onto his head.

"Now! Jariten!" Ataru called through a rolled-up magazine. Ten, who was offered payment to help in the mission by Lum, rose up from his seat next to the 'lifeguard' and hovered to where the two were touching foreheads underwater. He took in a deep breath and blasted a furnace of fire right on top of the water, heating it up instantly. "That's good! We don't want to boil them!" Ten stopped and sighed. Yuka and Ono surfaced shouting and waving their arms in panic.

"HOT!" they shouted. "IT'S HOT! HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTTTT!!!! UWAAAHHH!!!"

"Well, it's supposed to be, right?" Ataru said to himself. Yuka and Ono waded their way to the shallow end of the pool and got out of the water, their bodies red flush quickly fading, to lay on a warmed pad of metal at the end of the pool.

"We narrowly escaped" Ono said. "Somehow, we were about to be boiled alive!"

"What quick thinking you had, my dear" Yuka said "to crawl onto this warm plate here."

"That's right" Ono said. He sat up and rose a pointing finger of enlightenment. "If one goes from hot to cold water too quickly, the shock on the body could be harmful, and possibly even fatal!"

"What a good man you are!" Yuka said as she sat up to hug him. Lum was stationed in the changing room, wearing a slimming and form-fitting orange-sided white one-piece swimsuit, out of sight and in operation of a wide console of buttons and a multitude of different commands. She saw one of them was lit up and pressed the corresponding button. A handlebar grip extended from the wall and a green-light lit above it.

"I'll do a weak one" Lum decided "just enough to get them to the next trap." Lum gripped the handlebars tight and surged a quick zap through her body. The handlebars were conducted via super-conductive wires run through a closed-off section of a sub-space forest cave, to the metal panels and other devices that were strewn and hidden in the pool area. Those watching saw Ono and Yuka get jolted and jump up in distress, then quickly recover and gave a foreign at the electric metal pad they had just leaped up from. The spectators quickly decided to disperse, as even if the pool opened, it would be far too dangerous to swim in, or even relax next to.

"Let us sit together instead" Ono said, motioning her to walk to the chairs beside the pool. Ataru hopped out of his and stood leaning against the fence, watching them at a distance. Ono looked over and waved. Ataru waved back with a smile. Ten hovered over next to Ataru and floated beside him.

"Those two are pretty annoying aren't they?" Ten said.

"I wouldn't say so" Ataru said. "They're just a bit strange, is all, I guess."

"You and Lum are strange" Ten said "and you tend to be the most annoying man on the planet. I guess strange couples are just annoying after all."

"You want money for this or not, brat?" Ataru asked.

"They're a nice couple, huh?" Ten said, quickly redeeming himself.

"This part ought to be good" Ataru said. Ono sat in an folding chair and relaxed, leaning far back with Yuka sitting next to him, one hand up on his chest. In the changing room operation command, Lum took another pair of handles and powered the chairs they both sat on. Ono's folded up, bending his neck and hips forward so his body was in a U shape.

"Dear?" Yuka asked, acting oblivious as the chair whined and constantly bent him into a ball. "What's wrong?" Yuka's arm slipped through the flimsy plastic folds that held her up. Her ankle was snarred as well. Lum gripped across her arm, arcing lightning on her skin, and took deep breaths as she gripped a new handle and charged the other machine to start working. The chair started pulling itself straight and stretching itself out. Yuka was likewise stretched, shouting a constant string of 'Owie' as her leg and opposite arm were very slowly stretched to their limits. Ono, meanwhile, was unable to talk at all as his body was contorted and compressed against the whining of the chair's motors.

"Isn't this a bit...cruel?" Ten asked.

"That just means 'fun' in Masochism" Ataru said. In the end, an hour later, the pool was in shambles and the lifeguard was asleep. Ono, unconscious and unwakable, was carried by a skin-charred Yuka with fresh embers still in her hair as she left smiling for herself and him.

"Thank you very much, Ataru" Yuka said. "Please, tell Lum thank you as well."

"What about me?" Ten asked.

"Oh, you!" Yuka exclaimed. "I'm so terribly sorry, I nearly forgot! Had I known there existed somebody in Tomobiki, not only who can produce electricity, but one who can breath _fire_, I would have gladly sought you out first!"

"Good thing you didn't then" Ataru said "or I wouldn't get any credit."

"Ah, your money" Yuka said. "Um, I'm certain Ono has some money in his pants pocket, but that's in the dressing room, obviously."

"Uggghhh" Ono groaned as he awoke. He hopped onto his own feet and wavered to get himself in a nupright stance. "Worry not, I'm on my way." Yuka clasped her hands together and watched him stagger, still light-headed, into the dressing room.

"Darling?" Lum called. She hovered out of the dressing room she was stationed in with a flat, keyboard-like device in her hands with many retracted lengths of wire. "I've got everything packed up here."

"That's it, eh?" Ataru asked. He moved his hand forward to touch it out of curiosity and got a nasty, sudden shock that arced its way from Lum's skin. "Yow! What, again?"

"Ehehehe" Lum nervously laughed. "It's temporary. Once I discharge all this extra energy I'll be fine."

"Well, pool's empty" Ataru said. "You think that'd work?"

"That'll work great!" Lum said. She gently placed the device down on the dry concrete and hovered out above the water. Lightning arced from her body in wide, pulsing waves. Ataru, rather than watch Ono stumble out while counting a wad of cash from his wallet, watched Lum as she strained painfully in the air. Ataru could tell there was something giving her pain, but her pride covered it so well that he let it go....

* * *

The following day was a demure and rainy day. Ono and Yuka traveled together under the same umbrella, eager to start their next adventurous dating scenario, unaware that the path they walked was already laden with traps. Ataru and Lum, who stalked the happy couple diligently in disguise, stayed in the shadows by a length of five steps at a time, the blissful couple they followed totally unaware.

"I can't be certain of Ataru's plans" Ono admitted as he looked at the instructions on the paper, "but we seem to be heading in the right direction."

"And look" Yuka said, pointing to the sheet. "At the end, there's a festive buffet of food planned for us!"

"I wonder what miracle that Ataru and Lum will have in store for us!" Ono said with anticipation.

"I can't wait to see" Yuka said. "They've been such great friends to us, setting up our dates without batting an eye or ostracizing us for our rare eccentricities."

"They too are an eccentric couple, though" Ono pointed out. "A human and an alien, it's quite the star-crossed couple, isn't it?"

"Oh, you!" Yuka said, pawing at Ono's chest. They walked and laughed together until Yuka nearly slipped and fell into Ono's chest, holding him tight while keeping their umbrella over both heads.

"My dear, are you alright?" Ono asked.

"Oh yes, I'm fine" Yuka replied as she stood back up. "The street is a bit slippery, though. Ono, sweetheart, do mind your step in this rain."

"Of course" Ono said. He walked two steps and nearly fell over, holding onto Yuka to brace himself and keep steady. "Well, that's rather uncharismatic" Ono said. They both looked down and saw not just a damp street but one that seemed to have a slight current. A flat rush of water encircled the soles of their feet and when Ono rose a foot to try and plant it back down but slipped and nearly fell over. Yuka hoisted him up by force and started slipping on the moving water as well. They both eventually steadied themselves, standing wide and bow-legged in the middle of the street, an irksome groan as their hips sunk and their outstretched knees began to get hit by the rain. Ataru and Lum, meanwhile, had taken the upstreet, uphill position and were emptying bucket after bucket of water obtained from the waters of a sub-space spring funneled into sink-faucet-like extensions that were jammed into the sides of houses.

"This is a great idea" Ataru said as he threw another bucket stealthily and quietly into the street. "And we're helping the community by washing the streets!"

"The rain's already doing that, Darling" Lum said. Ataru looked over and saw, past the buttoned collar that hid Lum's identity despite her iconic green hair freely flowing out under her hat, that she was showing an exhausted blush.

"Y'know" Ataru said "I've got this covered. It's as simple as tossing water into the street at this point. And besides, they're close enough to the downhill street that they'll slide to the bottom sooner or later. You can take it easy if you want."

"Don't be silly" Lum said. "I'm alright. If you want to weasel your way out of working that badly I'll tell them it's off and we can _both_ go home, without getting paid." Ataru read her tone perfectly. It was haughty, contesting and exactly as he knew she would talk.

_Lum's getting worn out_ Ataru realized. _It's been happening since the first time. It's not natural for her to keep using so much electricity like this. Then again, if today goes as planned she won't have to use any of her powers except maybe flight, so today should be perfectly fine for her. Besides, having her use her own electricity to power machines saves money on fuel and generators and parts! Who's to say her overusing her powers isn't just useful?_ Ataru threw water with a slightly renewed vigor and Lum matched it perfectly. There was suddenly an ankle-deep flood washing over Ono and Yuka's shoes, forcing them to stumble and slid forward as the water rushed them down the street and towards a concrete grade.

"Look!" Ono cried. "At the bottom of a hill there's a house with an open gate!" Down at the very bottom of the block there was a house with an iron gate that had swung open in the rain. "Perhaps that is where our date is destined for!" Ono unfolded the instructions and reread them.

"But who could be expecting us in such a fashion?" Yuka asked.

"That must be where our buffet dinner is!" Ono said. "At the very least, the slide down should be somewhat perilous."

"And maybe the house will be empty" Yuka said "save for the homicidal ghost of a long-deceased murderer!"

"Uh, that's just creepy" Ono said while Yuka grinned happily at her own quip. Suddenly something drifted along the current, a hat for some reason, that jolted Ono's leg to lift and his balance to lose. He pulled Yuka into his arms, she tossed the umbrella away, and they both fell together into the open street where rain water surged downward like a stream. They shouted in panic as they picked up speed and flew toward the fence.

"Ah, drat!" Ataru exclaimed, looking down the expanse of street to the house at the bottom. "Looks like Sakura forgot to lock her gate. Better go remind her." He happily started wading through the water in his weighted rubber boots while Lum, who sacrificed her own hat, flew in front of him.

"You wait here" she said. She flew powerfully forward and managed to get in front of the couple she was aiding to aid them even further and close the gate from above. _I can't fly down to shut it in time_ Lum realized _so maybe I can close it from here using an electric charge!_ Lum powered herself up and shot two constant bolts of lightning into the gate and the lock in the wall which kept it in place, charging them both electrically to generate magnetic waves. She continued with a great strain in her hands and breathed irregularly. The gate managed to shut and she gasped as she quickly drew her powers away and leaned back toward the sky. As she gasped for air some rain got in her throat and she began coughing. "Ouch!" she exclaimed. She tried to massage her throat but her hands were unsteady and shaking. She looked at them and saw tiny lightning arcing between her fingers, crackling when it reached the full extension of each arc and exploding with a tiny flash. Lum hadn't seen her body react in such a way before.

Ataru, meanwhile, was 'surfing' down the slope in his flat-bottomed shoes to meet Ono and Yuka below, who had rammed themselves into the gate and were currently partially stuck in it. He ran with heavy splashes through the water and creaked the gate closed. Ono and Yuka had their hands together and their heads through the dented openings they made in the iron bars. "Eh, hey guys! Just happened to be passing through to see the girl who lives here. You two enjoying your date so far?"

"Oh, certainly!" Yuka said.

"You know the girl, Ataru?" Ono said. "Once we manage ourselves out of this gate, we'll come right inside for that promised feast!"

"Sounds good" Ataru said. "I'll go see if it's ready and wait for you in there." Ataru ran off, followed closely by Lum, and they entered together.

"What closeness they share" Ono said. "She came to his side without him even having to call."

"Such a close couple" Yuka awed. They then went about the arduous and painful task of straining to free their heads from the gate. Ataru wandered inside Sakura's home, into the wide sitting room where candles were lined against the walls and a magical array of symbols were arranged on the floor, clashing in both Western and Eastern magics. Ataru, stupidly, wandered right into them and became enclosed in a cage of spirit wards and magically-grown iron.

"We expected no less than this" the voice of Sakura called. She appeared from out of the wall, holding a cloak over herself and her miko garb that allowed her to blend in perfectly with it, like a ninja.

"Don't take us for fools" said Tsubame, who appeared out of a puff of smoke wearing a black tuxedo, top hat and opera mask. He took a pose with a wand pointed forward and turned it into a bouquet with a flick of his wrist, also summoning doves from behind his cape. "In the name of the moon, we shall smite thee!" Sakura tossed her cloak at him from across the room, muffling him and forcing the bad joke away.

"Uhhhhh" Ataru droned.

"My uncle has told me" Sakura began "to exercise extreme caution in dealing with you now that you possess even _worse_ spiritual magnitude."

"Wait a sec" Ataru began, "Sakura, uh, did you eat dinner already?"

"What dopey question is that!?" Sakura shouted. "Of course I did, for to practice these spiritual arts on an empty stomach is to spell disaster for oneself."

"She ate a lot, too" Tsubame said, as if bragging, "so she won't be hungry for **hours!**"

"Hours" Ataru repeated under his breath. "Shoot. That means we can't steal it anymore!"

"What was thaaaaat!?" Sakura shouted.

"Ah! No wait! It's for something else, not me!" Ataru pleaded in vain. Sakura was already holding a gohei and swishing it through the air.

"Begone, rotten luck!" she shouted, waving the wand and constricting Ataru in a cocoon of spirit ward papers. Tsubame opened a book that hovered in front of him and drew his finger over a passage, reciting it in his mind, and summoned up ribbons of pure force from the text that was placed on the floor. Ataru was once again tied up and mummified in a blue shell that was topped with a bow and hung with an inscription in French.

"Back where you belong!" they shouted in tandem. In a flash of light the cocoon emptied, fell apart and was replaced by smoke and doves. The grand performance was over, observed in part by Lum, who focused mainly on her shaking hands to try and hide them, and in whole by both Ono and Yuka who had somehow pried the gate from its hinges and wore it together.

"That was astounding!" Ono praised.

"Indeed worth the price of admission!" Yuka added.

"Um" Lum started, "you two, I'm sorry, but it looks like the dinner part is canceled for now, since Sakura already ate. I'll make it up to you tomorrow, if that's okay, but right now I need to get home."

"Ah, Lum" Sakura called. "Are these two friends of yours?"

"Yes" Lum said.

"....and is that my front gate?" Sakura asked, poking her spirit wand at the iron fence.

"I apologize" Lum said with a bow "but I'm in a hurry to get home. That's where Darling is, right?" Sakura nodded. "Then, I'll see you later. B-bye!" Lum flew away and left the company of couples together to scratch heads.

"Okay" Tsubame said as he scanned his book. "I'm sure there's a head-shrink spell in here somewhere."

"We could just animate the gate" Sakura said "into snakes, or something."

"Venomous ones?" Ono asked eagerly.

"Ooo! That one! Let's do that!" Yuka said excitedly. Sakura and Tsubame exchanged curious glances, wondering together whether these two were deeply in love or completely insane...

* * *

The next day held fair weather for many, but for some no matter how bright the sun shined a gray cloud seemed all too close by. One of them was Ataru, who had to take money out of his own pocket from what he'd been paid before to enter Ono, Yuka and Lum into a 'Super Spicy Ultimate Instant-Death Ramen Eating Competition' at a local, well known Ramen shop. The prize was a voucher for free ramen from the shop for up to ten straight visits to the last one still consuming the ultimately over-spiced and toxic-hot ramen dishes the workers specially whipped up. To Lum the contest was just a simple eating one, but to Ono and Yuka, who competed together, it was nearly torture. Still, they managed to maintain their romantic mood.

"Dear Yuka" Ono said, "you have a spot of sauce on your cheek." He took up a napkin and lightly dabbed the red spot away from her already glowing-red face. He, likewise, was within the obvious physical signs of total torment despite his glimmering eyes and romantic tone, as his lips had overinflated to more than twice their size and his brow was so sweaty the chest of his shirt was soaked.

"Why thank you, Ono dear" Yuka said. They both turned from each other and took gasping breaths of pain to soothe their aching throats, hearts, tongues and mouths in general.

"Alright, contestants" the shop-owner announced. "You've tangled with the heat, now let's see what else can come out of the kitchen!" The audience, cowards and novices and plain enjoyers of regular ramen, and Ataru, looked on and cheered as the next bowl was delivered to the remaining few.

"It's nothing special" the modest chef said. "It's just **pure, undiluted wasabi sauce and some noodles rolled in ghost pepper juices.**" One person sniffed it and fainted on the spot. Ono and Yuka tried feeding each other, holding the noodles steadily in their hands, but the moment the food touched their lips it was like getting punched by the fist of a sun, and they were out, on the floor, holding each other and crying in pain.

"WATER!" Yuka called.

"My lobe neebs waber!" Ono called, his lips and tongue too swollen to talk.

"Get sweet Ono dear some water too!" Yuka cried. "Ah! I'm going blind! It's so hard to see!"

"By sweat's all dried ub!" Ono shouted. "Gaah! Da pain! It burns horribry!!!" Ataru walked over and held out two bottles of water for them, looking bored as ever up at Lum as she finished the final bowl with a courteous smile of innocence on her face.

"May I" she sweetly began "please have another?"

"**BY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!"** roared the restaurant owner. "She's done it! She's done it! The fashinable young girl with green hair has **DONE IIIIIT!!!**"

"And?" Ataru said.

"More!" Yuka said dryly. Ataru looked down in shock to see both water bottles already empty. Ono was still reeling in pain with one hand in his wallet and the other clutched just in front of his lips.

"Here!" he said, holding out his hand to Ataru. "I added the total of yesterday's date to this sum, so it should be sufficient to cover for both."

"Thank you for suggesting this, Ataru" Yuka said. "Love through suffering is the most intimate love one can have!"

"Our love is at its highest limit now!" Ono said. They sat up on their knees and kissed, Ono obviously out-lipping Yuka and smothering her mouth, which stung him in its heat like a hot flash. Ataru counted his money while Lum was awarded with her vouchers. After most of the contestants were taken away for medical treatment nearby, including the couple Ono and Yuka, Ataru and Lum left into the afternoon for home. Lum, immediately upon getting outside, rested her head on Ataru's shoulder.

"Full?" Ataru said. "Heehee! Ono paid us in spades, Lum! Spades! This pocket money is almost as big as my smallest pile from Mendo."

"Darling...." Lum said softly, almost sleepily. "Darling, I don't feel well."

"I figured" Ataru said. He stowed the money and walked Lum over to a bench to sit and rest. "I noticed a while back, but you've been overusing your powers a lot to help Ono and Yuka. I think it's starting to really get to you. You seem shaky, tired, off-balance. I didn't want to say anything to hurt your pride, but eariler you were kinda flying on your side." Ataru looked at Lum to see if she was taking offense to it or listening at all. She was looking down and shameful. The dark circles under her eyes and paleness of her face seemed to stress just how unwell she was feeling.

"I need to get home" Lum said. "I'm going to be sick."

"Alright" Ataru said. "Let's go." He went to put his arm around her, to hold against her skin exposed from her soft shirt, but it was so hot to the touch that he jerked away in an instant. He cautiously, though still foolishly, tried to test her temperature against the back of his hand and pulled away after a split second with a small red spot. Lum started breathing heavily, hyper-ventilating, and then lightning started to arc from her skin to the metal of the bench. Ataru shot up and Lum spread herself out on the bench. Her clothes started to come apart, down to the electric-proof tiger bikini underneath, and let off a smoke as they burned.

"Darling...." she weakly said. Ataru drew down, wary to get too close, and saw an emptiness in her eyes. "Darling....I....." That was it. Lum fainted on the spot as her powers spiked and started zapping everything metal nearby. Ataru retreated to a public phone and paused for a second to think who to dial first. Then he decided to simply call home for Ten, who he told to call for an Oni doctor...Then he waited, by the bench, keeping people away and listening diligently to Lum breathe until a hovering robot ambulance vehicle descended into the street. Lum was covered with a burn-proof tarp, hooked up to a breathing machine and moved via robot arms onto a stretcher inside the craft.

"Hey, wait a sec!" Ataru called. "I'm coming with! Give me a hand up!"

"Query:" asked the mechanical voice of the ship, "What is your relation to said patient." Ataru took a calculated moment in the wind of the ship's hovering engines and grit his teeth. His body went tense and his fists clenched but his iron resolve powered the words through his mouth, despite the crowd and himself, with an expression of total demanding seriousness.

"**I'm her husband!"** With that the robot pulled him aboard and seated him in the back to watch over Lum. Ataru could tell, with his slight understanding of Oni, that the readings around him were bad. Even without it, the pain on Lum's face told him more than he wanted to know. All he did was sit and watch her suffer, knowing in all regretful sadness that that was all he _could _do....


	44. Chapter 44

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Hospital on Uru. Is Lum Sick?

* * *

A hyper-space emergency vehicle exited its light-speed burst just within the orbit of planet Uru, Lum's homeworld, while carrying the ailing unconscious girl and Ataru in the back. Lum had been hooked up to multiple machines with wires running from all over her body and a breathing machine in her mouth. Ataru had to sit back and look on with a fearful expression. He knew, very plainly, that it was his fault after all.

The ambulance descended on an emergency route through the atmosphere and into the landing bay of a hospital from which it was dispatched. Once the vehicle stopped Ataru hopped up and motioned to try and help, but the robot arms picked up Lum's entire bed and all the machine attached to it and led out the opened back into the hangar. Ataru ran after them to stay with Lum, but their emergency protocol speed kicked in, and the robots easily outpaced the human Ataru. He was still within eyesight of them when the hangar door closed and locked behind them. Ataru smashed into the thick glass panel and slid down with his chin turned up in pain.

"Ow" he grunted. He pulled himself up and brushed the injury off as nearly nothing, just a usual happening for him, but his resolve to press forward, doubled by his guilt, wouldn't quit. He clenched a fist and began pounding on the glass door, hoping someone on the other side would hear him. The glass door was so thick and reinforced that his hand became numb after so many poundings and was turning a bruised blue. He scoffed and ran along the side of the hangar wall, looking for another entrance of any kind, using what little Oni he knew to get around. Finally, he found one marked 'robot maintenance' and tried to pry it open with his bare hands. After failing at that he tried to knock on the door and it opened up instantly.

A robot rolled out on treads and Ataru hopped on its back. "Maintenance needed in the hospital! Step on it!" he commanded. The robot followed his instructions and entered the hospital, opening the glass doors, which Ataru then saw were much thicker than he initially assumed. Ataru jumped off the robot, leaving it to circle around in confusion, and ran through the nearest hallway, dodging doctors and nurses while searching for a sign of where the robot arms had taken Lum.

"No good" Ataru said, leaning and panting against a counter. "It's hopeless. I can't find her on my own..." He looked down at his bruised hand, which stun each time he tried to move it, and slid it carefully into his pocket. "I hope someone around here speaks Japanese...."

"Excuse me, lad" a doctor said in plain and fluent Japanese. Ataru turned to him with a hopeful expression and saw him smiling with small fangs jutting up from his lower lip. He was a tall but skinny Oni, above the average of most humans, wearing a white-tiger skin coat and pants. "You are from Earth, are you not?"

"Yes!" Ataru said. "I-I-I came here....with Lum! Where is she?"

"Lum?" the doctor repeated. "The Invader's daughter? You know her?"

"Of course I do!" Ataru exclaimed. Without hesitation, or biting his lip to stop himself, and without any reserve at all, Ataru proclaimed "I'm her **husband!**"

"Oh!" the doctor exclaimed. "You're _that_ young man! How very interesting! I didn't know this hospital would be graced with two fashionable young celebrities so soon! Well, I just saw some Orderlies escorting an emergency patient into the EEC ward. If you can read the signs for it, you should be able to find it in no time. But, just in case...." he took out a slip of paper and scrawled some Oni letters on it, reading EEC for Ataru to interpret the signs with.

"Thank you!" Ataru said. "Thanks a lot!"

"Don't mention it" the doctor said. "I'm sure I'll be making rounds here and there, so if you desire to stay I'll certainly see you around." Ataru was already off, completely impatient and consumed by a grieving worry. He stopped at each sign he could and made sure he was on the right track. He managed to find an empty gurney in the middle of the hallway and jumped on it, lowering it close to the ground, and used it to pick up speed through the halls, forcing everyone in front of him out of his way. His mind was focused solely on finding Lum, and his guilt compiled by the second.

_This is my fault, as usual_ he thought in great distress. _Lum's hurt herself because of me again!_ He edged and sharp corner, forcing an Oni on crutches to jump away and crawl back up along the wall as he cursed rapidly. _Then again, Lum was the one who volunteered for it in the first place. I suppose I can't blame myself for it completely, but if I blame Lum, what good does that do me!? She didn't want this to happen anymore than I did, and I definitely didn't want anything like this to happen at all!!!_ Still ignoring all the other patients and staff of the hospital, Ataru sped on his rapid-speed gurney and stopped with a screech in front of the doors leading directly to the EEC ward. _I can't think about blame right now. Whoever's at fault doesn't matter. I just have to make sure Lum is okay..._ He jumped from the bed and ran through the doors with a nurse hot after him.

"Hey!" she shouted. "You can't go in there!"

"Of course I can!" Ataru called back. "Just wa-" Ataru was suddenly struck by lightning from four directions. The floor, walls and ceiling of the ward were made of conductive metal, and he ran straight into the room without any insulation whatsoever. The zap was so powerful he was blasted back and straight into the nurse's body, though she didn't fall over when he hit. Instead she help him up as he coughed and regained his consciousness.

"Woah!" she exclaimed. "You're pretty strong for a human!"

"I'm kinda...used to that" Ataru said, one eye still in a shock-daze and his whole body covered with char.

"You can't get into the EEC without a suit" the nurse said. "It's the Emergency Electric Conductivity ward, after all."

"Why does that exist?" Ataru asked.

"For Oni with electrical powers" the nurse explained "medical care is usually much harder. Their bodies naturally produce an excess of energy, and therefore most treatments involving internal altercations are made impossible by their reflexive zapping nature. So, the entire ward is suited specifically for Oni who constantly produce electricity, as it is conducted away from their bodies and stored safely away from them while the doctors are able to operate smoothly."

"Did someone just go in there?" Ataru demanded. He recovered enough to shake the charred soot from his hair and turned around, taking the nurse's hand in a pleading motion. "I'm looking for someone with those exact powers! Is she in there!?"

"I wouldn't know" the nurse said. "I don't usually monitor that sort of thing. Who am I, some sort of statistic taker?" Ataru stood up, a sick sense of defeat in his heart, and gulped back his tears. He left the hallway doors and looked around at the staff that had gathered. He felt the need to say something, but in his despair it was drowned out. He was ready to give up for a second when an insulation suit was held out in front of his face by the tall, skinny doctor in white.

"Huh!? When'd you..." Ataru began, drawing back in surprise. He took the suit and put it on, a full-body jumpsuit like he remembered wearing some time previous, complete with a helmet as well for extra insurance. The doctor smiled at him, and Ataru nodded back. He ran back into the ward with a battle-cry of arrogance and stormed through the metal hall, no lightning arcing into him at all! The nurse watched after him, along with the rest of the staff and the tall Oni doctor, as he doubled back in confusion and checked a different hallway.

"The gossip seems to be right" the doctor said. "He is a dim human."

"Why would she bother with a guy like that?" the nurse wondered aloud. "I mean....really." The doctor simply stared ahead, into the metal hallway, while the staff gathered the patients and everyone moved back and away from the scene, leaving Ataru's moment private and unseen in the end. Ataru, meanwhile, finally found the proper room where many plastic-bodied short-circuit proof robots were gathered around a single bed. He moved toward them just as they slowly dispersed and the room began to loudly crackle. The energy in the walls was diverted and effectively 'drained' elsewhere. A green light reading 'All Clear' in Oni came on above Lum's bed. Ataru removed his helmet and moved in close to her. She still looked pale and weak, but her breathing was normal, most of the machines were disconnected and when he touched her with a quick, gentle kiss on the cheek her skin was only warm, not searingly hot.

"I'm not leaving now" Ataru said, pulling himself a chair to sit on. "It took me a lot of effort to find you, so now I'm not leaving..."

* * *

Back on Earth, the curious couple Ono and Yuka were walking together, arm in arm, down a certain unfortunate street where trash pickup was a day late. Yuka tripped on a can and nearly fell, but Ono kept her held up and pulled her back to her feet.

"Are you alright?" Ono asked. Yuka pulled her arm out and let it fall numb to her side. She pushed it up and popped her joints back together, then nodded with a smile. "Ah, that was close. Let's be a bit more careful. It'd be shameful to show up to Ataru's house with our faces covered with bruises."

"It'd be a shame no matter what" Yuka began "if that beautiful face of yours were ever hurt."

"Don't speak so highly of me" Ono said. They both began gently stroking the other's face up and down, their lips just far apart enough to speak, and in the middle of the street. "There is no beauty comparable to yours, my dear."

"You flatter me, Ono" Yuka said.

"You deserve it, Yuka...."

"Shuddup!" an irate neighborhood man shouted. "Get a room, why don't ya!?" He slammed his door, leaving the couple to stare blankly for a second before they continued on in a walking embrace. They arrived in front of the Moroboshi house at last and approached the door. Ono knocked while Yuka looked away nervously.

_What should I do?_ She wondered. _I love Ono so. I feel that I'm finally ready....ready to propose! Oh, but what kind of marriage is that, where the woman proposes to the man? It'd be shameful, and among other things I could possibly be shot down! If my Ono were to reject my deepest, most sincere and true feelings of love, oh my heart would simply stop beating! I wish so very much to plan such a date, where he will propose to me, but how? I know my love so deeply, but to make him love me even more...how can I do that?_

Ono was equally nervous, but he hid it beneath a pleasant, charming smile. _Oh Yuka, my love. I wish to marry you now. I've wished to marry you for such a long time, but now, I can finally be a man and ask you myself! All I need is the perfect situation. Where we both crawl to each other, across an errant battlefield of flying shrapnel and deadly projectiles, all our armor torn and wounds all over us, so that we may join hands and attest our love as loud as our weak voices may carry! Our love is such that it can stop wars, Yuka! I will propose to you, with the aid of Ataru and Lum, in such a way that all women will look upon our love in jealousy and try to murder us! All our life will be exciting and thrilling, just as you like!_

"Yes?" Mrs. Moroboshi asked. The couple snapped to attention and smiled the same obnoxiously joyous smile at her. Mrs. Moroboshi felt like closing the door on them, but remained hospitable enough to speak up. "Um, are you here for my son by any chance?"

"Ataru, you mean?" Ono said.

"I wouldn't think a lady like you would be his mother" Yuka said. "You look so very young." Mrs. Moroboshi was won, and opened the door with a beaming smile to them. Just when they thought they'd won, however, the couple was beaten down.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry" she began "but Ataru and Lum never came back. Last I heard they were meeting their friends at the ramen shop nearby for a double-date and....oh! Oh, you're the friends, aren't you?"

"Indeed we are" Ono said. "I still can't taste anything, to be honest."

"We had to go to the hospital" Yuka said, with a pleased tone "because the contents of our stomach were so spicy we were becoming rapidly dehydrated."

"And you lived!" Mrs. Moroboshi said with a smile. "And now you're seeking revenge, right?" Ono and Yuka blinked together. Mrs. Moroboshi moved away and invited them in. "Just a word of advice: He taught himself to catch swords mid-swing somehow, so any kind of manga-like attack probably won't work. You're better off blackmailing him or something. Sorry that he's not home, though. Happy hunting!" Assuming that she was right, Mrs. Moroboshi shut the door on them both and left them to stare and blink in utter confusion.

"Just a joke, I think" Yuka said with a nervous laugh.

"Yes, yes! A joke, of course! Hahaha!" Ono replied. They decided to leave well enough alone and walked back into the street. Just as they stepped outside the Moroboshi's gates, a tiny alien ship hovered down in front of them and a round creature hopped out with a letter in his hand. He was a greenish blob of an alien wearing a walking suit much like a Dappya-monster, but it was smaller and simpler, and perfectly round except for the stumpy legs and arms.

"Ah" it began, using a live translator around the base of its neck-line helmet. "You two live here?" Yuka and Ono were unconscious standing. "In that case, this is for you." He placed the letter between the held hands and then hopped back into his tiny ship to hover off into the evening sky. Ono shook himself away and looked over at Yuka. Enthralled by the passionate confusion that had overcome them, Ono leaned in to kiss Yuka's parted lips. She reacted on reflex and pushed Ono away, waking up with her arm held out and her lover on the ground.

"Oh, Ono!" she exclaimed. "Are you alright?"

"I'm glad I met you" Ono said, unwavering in his charismatic tone. "Such a fierce, dependable woman. There's nobody better than you in the world." Yuka saw that he was alright and turned her attention down to the letter he had dropped. It was in English with alien script above it that she couldn't make out. She read the English as best she could, being the privgilaged girl she was, and interpreted the letter to Ono.

"Dear" she began, "did you know that Ataru had an inter-Galactic passport?"

"It's been so long already" Ono continued, lost in his own passionate tangent. "It feels like an eternity since my life began without you, and a mere, blissful moment since we met. The day you and I came together was one I shall never forget. Each morning I awake it is the first thing I think of, and each night when I sleep or the moment I otherwise lose consciousness for the remainder of the day into the next, it is your face that shines through my eyes, stronger than beams from the sun itself!"

Yuka gasped. "Oh no! Lum is hurt and in a hospital! On....Uru, another planet! Oh, this is terrible! Is it our fault?"

"It's been too long, I say!" Ono continued, shooting up to his feet to continue his pompous prose. "All this time, all our love, all of it leading somewhere, to that place! We've said it over and over, how great it would be, how unlimitedly precious our moments together are, but I cannot tolerate the thought of even nightly separation any longer! I, not just as a lover, but as a _man_ must definitely make my move, or our love shall be eternally imperfect! You, Yuka, are the most wonderful woman I've ever met in my life, brief eighteen years though they've been. I wish you to think the same thing, and I ask, on my knee" which he got down on "that you return these feelings of mine! **Marry me, Yuka! I can hold myself back no longer! Our love is stronger than any dangerous force in the world, and together, we shall make that danger submit to **_**us!!!**_" She wasn't listening. Her eyes were starward.

"I hope she's alright" Yuka said. "It must be so difficult for Ataru, not knowing what to do...."

"Yuka?" Ono asked. He finally saw that she hadn't heard a single thing and became dishearted. He stood up, still holding her hand, and shook it. "Hey."

"He must be so hurt" Yuka said, her eyes beginning to moisten. "His love is ill and there's nothing he can do but watch. I hope it wasn't our fault, but I know it couldn't be his. Or hers. They're such good people. You know, Ono, Ataru and Lum never judged us at all for our preferences. They helped us without any questions every time they asked."

"Um..." Ono began.

"Ono, they're so good together" Yuka said. "They balance so well. A human and an alien....it's....it seems ridiculous, but I suppose the stars fated them to be together from the very beginning. Isn't that how it works?" Ono finally pulled Yuka from her dreamy state and turned her to him.

"Marry me" Ono said. Yuka just stared at him for a second until he let go. "Yuka, marry me."

"....yes" Yuka said. They joined hands and walked together again, all the tension that gathered from asking gone and replaced tenfold with the tension of fulfilling their greater obligations of love together. They were engaged now, officially but without proof, and suddenly felt a familiar tug at their hearts.

"So...." Ono began, "is this what they feel as well?"

"It must be" Yuka said. "I love you, Ono."

"I love you too, Yuka" Ono replied. Their hands tightened as they walked. No longer thinking about what excitement they could have tomorrow, but what plans of family they had for the years to follow....and they both lovingly thought the exact same thing....

* * *

Ran sat bored in her parlor, waiting for a cake to finish baking, as usual. She had prepared several meals, all suspended in a time-lock stasis field rather than frozen to preserve their flavor and temporal goodness. She began slouching and leaning back in her seat until she had her head hung behind it and all her glorious red hair flowing down almost to the floor.

"Boring" she groaned. She snapped back up and began wriggling around cutely, with her fists balled together and her knees touching, twisting around and around impatiently and rapidly. "Oooo! Lil Ran can't take this anymore! I want to date with Reeeei!" She looked up dreamily at the floating vision of her beautiful boyfriend's face, surrounded by lacy pink and a glistening cloud of lovely sparkles. Then it changed to a huge text wall of 'INCOMING CALL', as her huge computer-wall screen went off its idle state. She was thrown back in shock and rocked clear off her chair. "Wh-who could it be?" Ran wondered. She picked herself up and skipped over to the console with a girlish giggle. "I hope it's Rei! He must have been thinking about me!" Ran picked up the phone-shaped reciever and initiated the call. "Hellooooo?"

"Hi, Ran-chan!" Ataru greeted. The second his face appeared on her screen, with his dopey grin and mindless chuckle, Ran fell off to the side.

"You!?" Ran exclaimed into the receiver, initially coarse and aggravated. She cleared her throat and became cute again. "Hello, Darling! Did you finally get a real phone in your house or something?"

"Ah, no" Ataru said. "I'm on Uru. Lum's in the hospital right now and, since I can't call my parents on a phone with this technology, I had to send them a letter, but I don't think it'll get there any time soon. So, if you could, would you please go and tell my mom and dad that me and Lum won't be back for a while?"

".....wait" Ran said, too stupefied to muster either her evil or cute voice. "You just gave me too much information at once. All I got is that you're in the hospital."

"Well, Lum is" Ataru said. "She got overloaded on her regular discharge rate....or something. She overexerted herself to the point that she actually fainted, so I think something is seriously wrong." Ran turned away to hide her bright smile. "So Ran, I'm asking you now to tell my parents. Honestly, if there's a mail carrier fast enough to deliver my note already I won't be surprised, but I'd rather not count on it. Would you please?"

"Oh, of course, Darling!" Ran said, using her cutesy voice once more. "You just leave it to Lil Ran, she'll take care of it lickity-split!" Ran brought her hand up to her face and winked between a peace sign. Then, suddenly, it hit her that Ataru was contacting her freely using completely unearthly methods and showed no real surprise to it. To that, she glared up at him and spoke normally again. "Hey, you know, if you're calling me like this....aren't you suspicious at all?"

"Hmm?" Ataru cluelessly said. "Oh no. I know you're an alien."

"**WHAT!?**" Ran roared, her mouth suddenly spitting fire through fangs. "Did Lum tell you that!?"

"No" Ataru said.

"**HOW DARE SHE!!!!"** Ran snarled. **"I hope she DIES!!!!**"

"Hey, come on!" Ataru said. "That's the worst thing to say right now!" Ran was suddenly hit with a spark of enlightenment, for lack of a better known word. She remembered the pact, the blackmailed promise that Lum was held to, and acted upon it immediately.

"Ataru!" Ran began hotly, throwing out a pointing finger at Ataru. "When we were kids Lum wet the bed! Over and over and over again! Almost every night!!!"

"Hmm" Ataru hummed. "'S that so? Ah, yeah. I think she told me that once, but I sort of forgot it. It's not that important anyway."

"Eh?" Ran grunted, her pupils shrunk and her pointing finger pointing down. "She.....did?"

"Besides" Ataru said, "she didn't tell me you were an alien. I figured it out on my own."

"...eh?" Ran grunted again. Her posture continued to break and her mouth continued to shrink itself closed with each mindless, hollow echo of confusion she emitted.

"Anyway, could you please find some time to tell my folks?" Ataru asked. "Please. I can't call anyone else right now, and you live so close by. I'll hold it as a favor to repay. We can go on a date, if you want! It'll even be my treat, so you won't have to worry about stealing from anywhere you might like eating. I need to go now. Lum's parents are going to show up soon and I don't want to be away from her too long. See ya!" Ataru hung up and the screen went back to the image of Rei. Ran dropped the phone. She was so confused that her eyes were empty and lifeless. Suddenly, the cake timer dinged, waking her from her stun and compiling an insurmountable amount of emotional imbalance to pour out.

"**UUUOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!" **she roared, a warrior's cry of battle and carnage. **"MY CAKE IS DOOOOOOONE!!!!!"** She ran into her kitchen and took out the huge pastry with her eyes wide and glaring daggers. Her mouth was open and her teeth were all tightly pressed together, two rows of perfectly straight and orderly fangs under blazing, rage-filled eyes. The cake was placed neatly on a platter, despite her hectic and raging movements, and she moved through her kitchen to get more ingredients. She poured several bottles of liquid into a large bowl and began stirring it fervently.

"That damn Ataru" she growled, her arm slowing. "How dare he try and ask a favor of me. Doesn't he know I'm busy right now?" As she talked, her movements slowed, her voice became calmer and her grip tightened with the threatening strength to break the spoon she held and stirred with. "The fact that Lum's hurt just makes this all the more sweeter for me. She deserves whatever happens from here on out for causing me all sorts of trouble before. Honestly, Lil Ran couldn't care less what's wrong!" Now in full cute-speech mode, Ran's emotions clashed. She picked up the spoon, now broken in her hand and dripping with the icing she had stirred up, and tossed it into the garbage disposal with a bright smile on her face. **"If she survives, I'll bake her a poison cake and make sure she neverty-ever wakes up again!"** The rage of her anger covered by the sweetness of her voice, Ran had become a full-on bipolar yandere case....

Ran didn't leave her house. Instead, it was morning of the next day when Mr. Moroboshi found the letter dropped by Ono and Yuka right outside his front gate and doubled back inside to discover what had happened. Either way, Ataru's message got through well enough, and the worrying began...


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Cosmic Malady of Ataru Moroboshi!

* * *

At the Miyake house, on Earth, the news finally spread as Mrs. Moroboshi came to tell about Lum's condition. She was invited in at the immediate notice of her demure appearance and served tea by Shinobu's mother. Shinobu herself, as well as their live-in guest Ryuunosuke, came to the table when they heard from Shinobu's mother that something had happened. Mrs. Moroboshi held up the letter that her son sent from somewhere in space.

"This is all the news I've gotten" she said. "I'm terribly worried. I know Ataru's gone off on his own into space before, but the fact that Lum's in a hospital is...well, I've never seen her as a fragile kind of girl, that is."

"She isn't" Ryuunosuke said, trying to be helpful in speaking well for Lum's sheer stubborn kind of resolve. Shinobu tapped her and shook her head. "I mean, she's probably fine, I bet. I mean.....if it's an Oni hospital, she should be fine. They know how to treat aliens better than an Earth hospital because, well, they _are_ aliens...." Ryuunosuke turned away, ashamed at her own nervous and poor delivery of her encouraging words.

"I'm sure they'll both be fine" Shinobu said.

"Oh, that poor girl" Mrs. Moroboshi said. "I just can't imagine what could have happened to her that would have her wind up in a _hospital._ Sadly, I feel like this is partly my fault. I should have known something was wrong or that something was upsetting her. I should have been a better mother figure to her."

"Well, Ataru's with her, right?" Ryuunosuke said. "Knowing Lum, that's probably more than enough for her to get along with."

"And her parents are on Uru too" Shinobu said. "Not that you're not any less of a parent to her, that is, but she has plenty of people with her there to make sure she's being taken good care of."

"Oh, maybe it isn't my fault" Mrs. Moroboshi said. "And you're right, Lum has plenty of friends and other people to support her on Uru. She has her family and I'm sure she has plenty of other people besides. She's sort of a celelbrity too, so there might even be a lot of anonymous people willing to support her too."

"Well, and Ataru, right?" Shinobu said.

"And maybe Ten-chan will go and visit her as well" Mrs. Moroboshi said, sounding finally hopeful. "Oh, I hope he's not too young to see her in a hospital, though. She's like a big sister to him..."

_What about Ataru?_ Shinobu thought.

_Ma'am, you're forgetting someone_ Ryuunosuke chided silently.

"Well you're son will know what to do" Mrs. Miyake said, finally bringing up the painfully overlooked point to the woman herself. Mrs. Moroboshi turned to her in all seriousness and nodded.

"I suppose so" she agreed. "Even idiots have brains, right?"

"Of course" Mrs. Miyake replied.

_Come on, that was mean_ Shinobu thought.

_What's she mean by that?_ Ryuunosuke thought, missing the actual joke, if there was one to have at.

Suddenly, all the dramatic tension was shattered apart when there appeared a disturbing presence accompanied by a ghastly smacking of lips and chewing of food. The women turned to the unoccupied side of the table and saw **Cherry**, stuffing his face with the food out of the Miyake's pantry. His face sent them all belly-and-legs-straight-up from where they sat with Ryuunosuke being the first to recover and sit up again.

"What're you doing here?" she demanded. Shinobu shot up next.

"Are you eating all out food!?" she exclaimed. Mrs. Moroboshi recovered next, leaning onto the table with her elbow and looking threatening.

"Of course not" Cherry said, holding up all the food he had with him that he was consuming. "I'm only eating everything that I have right here! I wouldn't be so rude as to eat it all behind your backs, at least!" Shinobu picked up the table with one hand, and with _one hand_ she powered the table into Cherry's face, sending him against, into and through the sitting-room wall. Mrs. Miyake saw the damage from her position on the floor and fainted outright. Shinobu breathed heavily and set the table back down with a thud. Ryuunosuke straightened it out a bit and stood up with her.

"Looks like he's gone" Ryuunosuke said.

"Hello" Cherry said, popping up from the hole with a hand up. "Forgive the intrusion, but I couldn't help but overhear about all these seemingly coincidental circumstances. However, they are not. In fact, Lum's hospitalization on an alien planet is, in fact, a direct result of Ataru's cosmically altered luck. It's so bad that his own body cannot entirely contain it, and it leaked out into the world, **prompting a most unfortunate series of events to occur around him!**"

"Wait a moment" Mrs. Moroboshi began. "I know Ataru has the worst luck in the universe, but how is this much worse than normal?"

"I had warned him about this" Cherry said "but the supernatural quality of his life has become amplified after visiting Heaven. This, of course, is not so simply to understand as it seems. It doesn't mean that his bad luck has, itself become worse, as that is hardly possible. Instead, that bad luck flows over into others, particularly those near him."

"Ewww!" Mrs. Moroboshi shivered. "So, that bad luck could cause _other_ people the same misfortunes that Ataru has to suffer?"

"Yes" Cherry said.

"Oh no!" she worriedly began. "If he stays in my house, we'll surely go destitute, or a typhoon will destroy it! Or it'll be somehow blown up or burnt down while we're all away!!!"

"That is doubtful right now" Cherry said. "Besides, it's not closeness in exact proximity. Think about it: out of all the beings in the cosmos, which is the closest to Ataru's heart?"

"Pick a girl at random" Shinobu said "and there you go."

"He's got more random chicks around his heart" Ryuunosuke began "than wasps around a hive."

"No!" Cherry said, pointing his finger at them. "That is not the same! Ataru forces himself on others, it is true, but they are not _close_ to him. The fact that it could be any random girl that pulls his fancy is exactly what makes them distant and unknown to his heart! But think. There is one who willingly gets closer and closer to him with each passing opportunity. One being, specifically one girl, who pulls herself closer to his heart and never lets go." The sudden realization forced a tense and fearful silence in the room. Obviously, it was Lum.

"So, now Lum is a nexus of misfortune?" Shinobu asked.

"Yes" Cherry said "though, it is by indirect spiritual contact, and therefore only temporary at best for any given circumstance. In fact, I do doubt this bad-luck will persist for her much longer. At best, when she returns from the hospital she will be fine and normal again. However, anyone who approaches Ataru with the intention of being close to him shall be under the same fate. The same will be true of his enemies, who approach him for different reasons, and even his casual friends. Eventually, misery and misfortune will find them all the same as him."

"That's terrible!" Shinobu said. "That means, at any time, we could just drop dead!"

"That's a bit too serious, Shinobu!" Ryuunosuke exclaimed. "I think, at worst, we'll just have to be around Ataru way more than we're normally willing to be!"

"That's still bad!!!" Shinobu shouted.

"Cherry" Mrs. Moroboshi began in a stern voice. "I have a question. Why are you telling us this now, when Ataru and Lum are on an entirely different _planet?_ Doesn't this seem like something you should have told them in the _**beginning!?**_" Cherry blinked blankly, then cleared his throat.

"Well, you see" he began, "I would have told them before, however...." The women all drew in anxiously.

"However....?" Ryuunosuke said, edging him to continue. After a brief pause and silence, Cherry suddenly spoke up, opening his eyes and turning up the corners of his mouth into a creepy little grin.

"**That's just how unlucky he is! OOHOHOHOHOHOO!!!"** The force of his voice and the words he spoke was like an explosion. The women froze in mid-flight away with their arms outstretched and their toes suspending their teetering bodies.

* * *

Back on Uru an elite and stellar cosmic cruiser pulled into the emergency drop-off hangar with the tall and thin-faced doctor in white waiting at the sliding doors. The cruiser was barely landed when the passenger, the big boss bodied man himself, Warlord Invader hopped off and started running over to the entrance. His wife tipped the Dappya-driver and apologized for her husband's rudeness before leaving as well. A fanfare of robots all lined up with audio projector devices had been prepared for the illustrious man's arrival, but he stormed forward with such pace and urgency that the robots were mostly toppled or shoved out of his way.

"Welcome, sir" the tall doctor said. Invader walked straight up to him and leaned over him with wide, wild eyes.

"Where is she!?" he asked. He went down on his knees, even still taller than the already tall Oni. "Please, tell me she's alright!" he then pleaded, shifting from urgent rage to pitiful fatherly worry. Lum's mother came by as well and rested her hand on his shoulder to try and comfort him. "Yoba, please tell me she's alright!"

"Well" the doctor, Yoba, began, "I've reviewed her charts. There doesn't seem to be anything outright wrong with her, though she will need to stay here for a few more-" Invader already picked him up by his sides and was grinning widely.

"**OH THANK GOODNESS!!!!"** he exclaimed. "I was so worried! Are you sure she's going to be alright?" He suddenly stood up with a hand gripped on the doctor's shoulder and his fist shaking beside his flaming eyes. **"If you're lying just to keep me at bay, you're going to PAY FOR IT!!!"** His wife then hovered up and gave him a stern slap to the face that kept him stunned long enough for her to apologize.

"Worry not" the doctor said. "We have a specialist on staff to explain it to you. I will take you to her room now, if you'll be so kind and follow me." Invader rubbed his cheek and nodded, following after the lead his wife took. They moved through the halls of the hospital as behind Yoba. Patients and staff cleared the way as the big, bulking Oni came walking through and many stretchers en route to urgent destinations had to be stalled for him to squeeze past to let them carry on. Once the two reached the EEC ward Invader was invited to suit up in a special suit while his wife simply flew over the floor ahead of him.

"Darn her" he muttered so no one could hear. "If I don't show up with her, Lum won't think I care about her!" He fussed with his suit even faster and got it tangled and messed up around his outer tigreprint suit. Then he turned to Yoba and shouted at him. "Can't this suit get on any faster!?"

"Well, you're not trying very hard, are you?" Yoba said. "Just putting on the boots will be enough if you don't intend on touching anything."

"Except Lum, right?" Invader said bargainingly. "Can't a father give his daughter a hug if she feels up to it!?"

"I'm sure we can arrange _that_, at least" Yoba said. "Please proceed. She is in the last room on the right."

"On the North-side, huh?" Invader said. "Well, at least you put her in a nice room..." Invader lightly tread through the hall and saw static sparks surging around the base of each boot. Each step he took was like walking on the rippling waters of a lake, but the movements of the pristine color were quick and dangerous, for he was an Oni who did not have electric powers, and was just as susceptible to them as a human, though he was more durable by nature to any kind of pain. He slowly trod his way around the corner to the room and met his wife leaning against the door. She pressed a finger up to her lips and ushered him to follow after her quietly. A long white curtain was drawn to separate the operational half of the room, where consoles and gauges were lit up brightly at all hours, from the end where Lum was kept.

"Lum?" Mr. Invader whispered. He peeked behind the curtain quickly but was pushed back by his wife. She issued a hushed warning to him while making subdued hand gestures to her own clothes. "Whoop! That hadn't crossed my mind!" Invader exclaimed quietly. "Alright, you check first, and if it's safe give me a sign...." Invader turned around with a blush on his face and let his wife check. When she peeked her head around the corner she saw her daughter lying in bed still fast asleep and intravenously sustained by a hanging medicine drip. At her bedside, sitting in a chair and sleeping in curled-up insulation-suit sleeves on a fold-away table flat, was Ataru, being the diligent young man that her parents always thought of him so highly to be apart from the obvious traits he had. Mrs. Invader signaled her husband to come in silently. When he saw the sight he was overcome with pride and smiled. He took his wife by the shoulder as she came to his side, but quickly drew away when she touched the floor and sent a sudden current of zapping energy straight into his hand. Still, he remained quiet.

Ataru started to stir lightly, prompting Mrs. Invader to go over and wake him up properly so their visit wouldn't go totally unnoticed. She gave him a light tap and ended up shocking him awake. Of course, being Ataru, he was used to being shocked awake, he just happened to get up in an initially bad mood because of the long-engrained practice of emotions he had associated with it. When he saw a green-haired beauty leaning over him and smiling sweetly, his first reaction was to turn back over and go to sleep. Then, when he saw Lum lying in bed he did a double-take and had to grip the sides of his chair, thankfully with gloves on, when he saw who was in the room. Mrs. Invader put a finger over her mouth and winked at him. He slowly started to calm down and looked back down at Lum to see her condition had marginally improved since he had seen her before drifting off to sleep. There were less wires, and overall she looked more peaceful.

"Good job, son" Mr. Invader whispered. Ataru darted his head up to him, withholding his startled reaction to the large man's presence, and saw him give a thumb-up and wink of approval. Ataru smiled and nodded. He slipped on the sleeves of his suit and zipped it up to his neck for safety while Mrs. Invader took his seat to get near her daughter. "Boy, it takes some guts to be in a room like this. Just touching a single thing could fry you inside-out in a flash!"

"Yeah" Ataru said. "I learned that the first time, actually....."

"What's wrong?" Mr. Invader asked. "Hey, now. Come on, cheer up. She's not looking that bad, is she? I mean...is she?" He looked up and did a quick double-check on his daughter again, seeing nothing painfully off about her current condition, and dismissed his suspicions back at Ataru. "Say, just how did this happen, son?"

"Uhhhh" Ataru began, trying to organize his story in a way that didn't in any way imply himself at fault. "Well....I'm not completely sure myself. Lum was using her powers a lot lately on Earth to help a couple, but there were some problems. I asked her about it, you know, 'why are you still sparking' and such, but she just brushed it off as no problem at all. And just a while ago, I don't even know how long it's been yet, she fainted and I managed to call for an alien ambulance....then we got here."

"Hmmm" Invader hummed, nodding his head. "Well, she is a proud young Oni woman" he said. "She'd be the last to admit something was wrong with her, but of course, where that has its merits it also has its dreadful circumstances...." Mr. Invader saw that Ataru's mood was in a constant downward shift. He looked more and more demure each time Lum's name was brought up. As the Oni scratched his head and wondered how to deal with such a situation, he started to lean backwards towards the wall. After all, he rarely got to talk with his son-in-law, and when he did Lum often overtook the conversations for him. Just when he had a solid train of thought, Invader carelessly leaned against the bare wall with his bare neck and was jolted with a powerful surge of electricity.

"Oooo" Ataru winced. Invader stepped forward and started twitching in place. He shook off most of the pain and slapped his cheeks to straighten himself out, then leaned down to Ataru with the most serious, tense face he could pull off.

"How is it?" he asked with a quiet but gruff voice.

"Gih! Uh, fine!" Ataru replied. "You look totally menacing right now!" Invader chuckled, returning his face to normal, and straightened back up.

"Hahaha!" he laughed. "I'm just messing with you, son-in-law!" Invader patted Ataru's back, sending the unguarded young man face-first into the same wall by accident. Of course, the only part of Ataru's body not protected was his face, and he was electrocuted briefly just as a stout Oni doctor with a small mustache and round, coke-bottle glasses that hovered in front of his eyes stood within the curtain. As Ataru coughed smoke and shivered on the floor, the doctor cleared his throat and made himself known.

"Gentlemen" he began, his voice unexpectedly manly, "could I speak with you a moment?"

"Huh?" Ataru and Invader grunted. Ataru pointed to himself and the Oni in turn, while Invader pointed down to Ataru, and then they both drew their fingers back up to their own faces. "Us?" Ataru asked. "Him and me?"

"That's right" the doctor said. "This concerns you both right now. Being an Earth-resident alien, Lum Invader's condition must be explained to a representative of her Earth household for her until she wakes up and can tell her Earth guardians herself."

"Well, that's fine with me" Invader said. "If I must hear it, then so must my son-in-law. Come on, let's see what he wants." Invader ushered Ataru along by dragging him up from the floor. As Ataru left he turned one last time to see Lum and saw her mother waving him away to which he grinned and waved back, trying to blow a kiss after he was taken behind the curtain entirely....

* * *

With Ataru and the illustrious lord Invader together just outside the room, the stout and mustached Oni doctor twitched his nose and moved his mustache from edge to edge of his upper lip.

"Let's just get down to it, shall we?" the doctor began. "Apparently, Lum suffered from an overdraw and shock with the overuse of her powers. It's not uncommon, espacially in young Oni women, for this to happen at certain times."

"Hold on now" Invader began. "I wouldn't want Lum's husband to be out of the loop for this. Why don't you explain a little better how Oni powers work?"

"It's true" Ataru admitted. "All I know is that her powers hurt."

"Well, that's all very simple" the doctor began. "You see, it's all our horns." He tapped his with his finger and twiddled his mustache again. "You know, at least, that when they fall off every year or so and regrow, an Oni loses their powers."

"I heard about that" Ataru said. "Oh wait, Earth was almost destroyed because of that...yeah, I vaguely remember that."

"Well" the doctor continued "those horns are the source of all Oni powers. Each individual Oni has markedly different powers, though some do show up more often than others. Enhanced muscular strength, speed, metabolism, extreme bio-electricity output, fire-breathing, and most common of all is flight. It's all very deeply rooted in Oni genetics for these select powers to manifest. For example, Lum's mother has a control over her bio-electric shocks _and_ flight, and because Lum was born a girl, these were the properties that transferred primarily to her, along with her father's general increase in power, giving her an enhanced degree of quality over such powers. One could say she's a 'pedigree lightning-Oni' in that sense."

"It sounds like some weird game" Ataru said.

"Well, it's part of our histroy" the doctor continued "to engage in selective breeding. The Oni are, and always have been, a warrior culture. The Oni with stronger powers are those that are more sought after by other Oni."

"Like that Rei kid" Invader said. "If he and Lum had ever had a chance and had a child, it would surely be a powerful kid!"

"A flying, electric hippo-beast" Ataru said, nodding seriously. "Yeah, that'd be something to see."

"Well, yes" the doctor said. "I suppose that's one...generality of it. Now then, getting back to the main point, do you understand the basics of Oni genetics now?"

"Uh....kinda" Ataru said. "It's pretty simple, although it's confusing, but I get what I should, right?"

"Sounds like he gets it" Invader said. "So, doctor, can you explain the problem in a plain enough manner?"

"Oh, certainly" the doctor said. "I trust that certain properties of the female body translate between human and Oni species relatively, so I'll forego the details. Basically-"

"Hold on a second" Ataru interrupted.

"Don't stall, son-in-law" Invader said. "The doctor's trying his damndest to explain things!"

"By 'female properties'" Ataru began, "you don't mean, _cyclical ones_, do you?"

"Yes" the doctor answered frankly. Ataru and Invader's charismatic stance was shattered, especially Invader's at having nearly started hearing about his daughters biological privacy. He turned around quickly and marched out of sight. "Um, Mr. Invader? Where are you going?"

"J-just tell it to son-in-law!" he said from around the corner.

"I don't need to hear this!" Ataru exclaimed. "I know enough by knowing little-to-none!"

"Don't be a wimp!" Invader lowed. "I expect you to listen through the whole thing and...explain it to Lum later!"

"Shouldn't _she_ know this before _anyone else!?_"

"I'll try not to be too graphic" the doctor said "if that's your worry. And since you know what I'm getting at already, I'll just get straight to it. When 'that time' comes for Oni women, their powers go into a dangerous fluctuation. Normally, overusing her powers would just result in her becoming tired or energetically drained, no pun intended, but when under 'particular circumstances' he powers can do harm to her body from inside and result in a drastic overheating in order to vent and cool her body internally. This is why her skin became burning hot before, and why she lost consciousness for so long. Her body is in a state of repair, and overusing powers that take from the metabolic cycle during....'another' cycle are too strenuous for her to keep up with." Ataru, aside from being unnerved by the sudden educational lecture about more feminine concerns, seemed stunned by a sudden revelation.

"Huh" Ataru said. "Is it possible at all that Lum...didn't know any of this?"

"It's unlikely" the doctor said "unless her parents never educated her on such a topic. I'm sure her mother must have sat her down at some point and told her about it. After all, that's just common sense."

"......huh" Ataru grunted. _So....this really isn't my fault. Of course Lum wouldn't tell me about that, and I wouldn't want to know! But still, if she knew all of this and kept using her powers for those two, it's just as much her fault as it was mine. But, really, I was forcing her to use her powers by getting too into it! I mean, all that __**money!**__ How could I just turn it away!?But Lum....she could have stopped me. And I didn't have to pressure her so much to work for the money....Grrrrr! No matter which way I look, I can't find any real blame!!!_

"So" the doctor began, "do you know how this all happened?" Ataru blinked himself out of his deep and comsuming thought, then took a moment to compile a good excuse for himself, and for Lum.

"Uh.......no" Ataru admitted. "Really, if Lum knew and she wouldn't stop, then I can't make myself blame her. We were helping out another couple and Lum was overusing her powers, like you said. I could have stopped her, but she's just too stubborn to talk with. I guess, if possible, we just need to chalk this up to some **bad luck.**" Just then, as the words escaped his mouth, Ataru froze into stone and started to crack. The doctor jotted his words down and ended them with a quick sweep of underlining.

"Bad...luck, eh?" the doctor said. "Well, it's a lesson better learned than a moral lost, right? Lum will be fine, given some rest. In the meantime, I'd like to suggest you return to Earth. I know you'd like to stay around for a while, but there's really nothing you can do and we don't have anything approved for Earth-natives to eat on hand." The doctor saw Ataru's frozen expression with mouth agape and eyes wide and white. He took his pen and tapped him on the head. Ataru slowly creaked backwards and his head hit against the wall, zapping his head with a powerful charge from the wall.

In the flashing, strobe lights that flashed and blasted in his head from the sudden explosive electrocution, Ataru saw images of taunting, dancing figures hopping to and fro in a ring around him with hands joined and legs linked together. As the colors flashed and combined and darkened his vision returned to normal, and imprinted on his fainted eyes was the mocking face of Cherry, who he knew was laughing at him from some far off corner of the galaxy, knowing that he was **right all along!!!**


	46. Chapter 46

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The Couple Return to Earth! The Depression of Shutaro!!!

* * *

The stay at the hospital lengthened for a short duration as Ataru was treated for electrical burns. Remarkably, as noted by the doctors, his body seemed to be all but immune to electric shocks and he was basically fine. The only factor that had such an impact on his body was the rapidity of the shocks that he incurred. Mostly it was one huge shock and then rest, but his body had a harder time healing itself after many medium-sized shocks so close together. At the request of Lum's mother, he was treated in a highly insulated area right next to Lum, so that when either woke up they would be right next to each other.

After half a day of waiting and monitoring, Ataru finally stirred, but fell back to sleep as he lazily wanted to do. The doctors left him to rest it off as he pleased. Then, soon after he had stirred, Lum woke up and managed to open her eyes to her side. At first everything was fuzzy and blurred from her long rest. That, and the bright lights and glowing walls of the room made it even harder to see through the glare around her. She blinked hard and tried to rub her eyes, but her arms were still stuck with tubes and she couldn't move them above her shoulder level.

_Darling_ she thought. _Where.....am I?_ She looked around, trying to adjust herself to her surroundings, and noticed the obviously Oni-like features of the room. _Don't tell me....I must be on Uru, or in an Uru medical ship! Then Darling...where is he? Is he back on Earth? Is he worried about me!?_ In her panic, Lum sat up and glanced almost on instinct to the side, where Ataru rested. She stopped when she saw him. Her emotions overflowed the moment she noticed that he was there, next to her, wherever she was in an alien setting. She ignored the obvious signs of harm and damage and the fact that he was in a hospital bed just like her, because just seeing him made her heart rise with an ecstatic joy that she could only express in her tired state by gently starting to cry with joy. _Darling....._

"Guah!" Ataru suddenly shouted, drifting out and back in to deep sleep. He rolled over and started hugging his pillow with a perverted grin. Lum reached over until the cords in her arm tugged at her. She looked down at them, harnesses that kept her tethered to bed, and drew them out suddenly. She endured the pain of sudden withdrawal and reached over to touch Ataru's shoulder. She was still just barely off and Ataru unconsciously wiggled away. Lum strained and stubbornly grunted to pull herself further, reaching and grabbing as hard as she could, but a needle in her arm was jarred loose and cut her skin. She winced and drew back to clutch at it in pain. A sensor sounded an alarm at a nurse's station just outside the EEC ward and two nurses suited up in protective gear to rush in.

"Darling, wake up!" Lum said weakly. Her voice and body in general were weak from the long hours of inactivity and the forced drain of energy that her body underwent to cool down. "Darling! Darling!!" Ataru just barely stirred. He was mostly cuddling with his pillow and foolishly giggled at it. Lum knew that giggle was nothing good. He was having lewd dreams again, and right next to her at that! "Darling, wake up!" she managed to shout. The nurses barged in at once and pinned her to the bed.

"Relax, miss Lum" one of them said through the thick insulator suits. "You're body is under tremendous stress right now. Just be calm and we'll help you out."

"What about Darling?" she asked, showing no concern for herself. "This place can't be equipped to deal with humans properly! What about him?"

"He's fine" the other nurse said. "He was active enough a few hours ago to try and unconsciously grope one of the nurses!"

"Unconscious my foot!" the other nurse scoffed. Lum relaxed, her face in a shock. The nurses bandaged the wound quickly and managed to control its bleeding. They reinserted the tubes that Lum had stubbornly removed of her own accord and pushed her bed a bit closer to Ataru's. "Don't remove these again, please" the nurse said. "It's very dangerous, even right now, for you to be moving to much."

"What happened to me?" Lum asked.

"Your body overheated" one of the nurses quickly explained. "It's more of a talk you should have with someone else, probably your mother." Lum immediately blushed and shyly looked away.

"Oh...." she said. "Ah, well, sorry to inconvenience you so much...."

"Don't worry about it, Lum" the nurse said. "Just focus on resting. We'll have you back on Earth in no time at all, provided you can stay in bed."

"And Darling?" Lum asked.

"Well, ask him when he wakes up" the nurse said, "but make sure he doesn't touch anything outside his bed. This _is_ the EEC ward."

"Just call us with that button if you need anything" the other nurse said, pointing to a small button at the side of her bed. "Well, we're off. Get well soon!" The two nurses left the room then, leaving Lum and Ataru in the silence of each other, broken only by Ataru's tired groan as he flopped back toward Lum again. She resisted the urge to erupt and pounce onto Ataru with the most powerful shock she could muster up and started calmly breathing the urge away. In the end, she was more happy than mad, and managed to reach over with tubes still in her arm to take Ataru's hand. She turned her head over and waited with glistening eyes for him to wake up, so eager and peaceful to see his face the moment he stirred that she soon drifted off in her calmness to sleep.

Just afterward, Ataru did manage to wake and find something foreign in his hand. It was Lum's, and attached to it was the rest of her sleeping in bed and smiling at him. He was not startled or jarred at waking up to her. Instead, he was thankful, as he was sure when he passed out that he wouldn't get to.

"Good" he said. "She's okay..." Knowing that they were both alright in the end, Ataru let himself fall back to sleep and rested the rest of the painful afternoon off...

* * *

About a day later, the incident was mostly written off by everyone as just another happening. Ataru and Lum were in space due to illness and wouldn't be back for a bit. In that time, nothing happened. Because the general proximity of Ataru is what triggers misfortune, and because the proximity of Lum is what causes strange events to occur, Tomobiki went through a brief, boring period of inactivity. That all ended, however, when a spaceship coasted down through the city skies and was Tomobiki bound, blaring a warning siren for all traffic nearby to adhere to. It wove between the streets and arced just over house roofs, as if some drunken alien was piloting it, before finally coming to an abrupt stop just above the Moroboshi house. Mrs. Moroboshi poked her head out the kitchen window and nearly fell through it in shock.

"Ataru!!!" she shouted. "Get that thing away from our roof before it smashes the house!!!" Ataru and Lum were gently lowered down via gravity beam to the ground, both of them well and accompanied by nurses who made final checks on their systems.

"Ah, so this is Earth?" one of the Oni girls said. "It's pretty!"

"It's green" another nurse said "if that's what you mean." She disconnected the last of the unessential tubes from Ataru's arm and patched the mark up with a quick tap of the tape. "Alright, you're good to go. If anything happens again, don't hesitate to contact us. The Uru Centralized Hospital in Oe city is renowned for service. You'll get a light-speed recovery for sure!" She and her staff stood together and flashed a simultaneous thumb-up and eye-sparkle.

"I hope you don't want us back too soon" Lum said nervously.

"I'll be sure to visit often!" Ataru cheerfully said. Lum hit him lightly while he just laughed it off. The Oni girls were gone, and with them the spaceship wobbled back off and out into space as well. Ataru watched it leave with Lum close beside him, and a calm afternoon breeze swept past them, surely the start of a new storm of strangeness for the quaint little town. "....Matching blue panties" Ataru said. Lum grabbed his arm and bit through his shirt in a rage. Ataru shouted and tried shaking her off, then turned and saw his mother still hanging out the window.

"Welcome back" Ataru's mother called.

"Yo!" Ataru called back. Lum let go of his arm and let him fall unbalanced to the ground.

"Hello, mother!" Lum called waving.

"Um, could one of you give me a hand please?" Mrs. Moroboshi said. "I think I'm a bit stuck..."

"Stuck how?" Ataru asked as he crawled up from the ground. "Stuck on the counter or stuck in the window?" Somehow she worked a pan past her body and chucked it at Ataru's face.

"I'm just plain stuck!" she raged.

"I'll help you" Lum said. She pressed on her shoulders and pushed her back inside and on her feet.

"Thank you, Lum" she said. "You must be feeling much better. I'm very glad that you've recovered from whatever was wrong."

"Oh yeah" Lum said, nervous to speak up about it. "That was.....well, I'm better now, which is great! My parents even stayed with us the last few days."

"Your dad kept trying to get me drunk" Ataru complained, balancing the pan on his head.

"He's just that way" Lum said, waving his concern off.

"Well, I'm glad you're both home" Mrs. Moroboshi said "and I'm glad neither of you had to go through all that alone." Lum leaned into Ataru who stood and looked nonchalantly to the side. "Anyway, I'm having a bit of a slow day. I'll be making dinner in about an hour, but if you can't wait then you should go get some food before the shops start closing down."

"Ah, right!" Ataru said. "Alright then, I'm leaving now!"

"I'm going with him!" Lum called as she ran off with Ataru, hovering and clinging to his arm after his running speed exceeded her physical maximum. Mrs. Moroboshi watched them leave and let the breeze sweep up and brush past her.

"Feels like a rainy wind" she noted. "I'll have to make sure I close the bedroom window in a bit...oh, I'll go do it now." So she closed the window and went to close the others in the house, as if in preparation for a predicted storm front.

As Ataru and Lum walked through their regular streets once again, they passed the sweet-smelling lot of the infamous Buddhist monk. Ataru stopped suddenly and looked into the lot. He saw Cherry's tent, and a familiar cringe crawling up his back warned him that the monk was indeed there, but he left it at that. He just scoffed in the tent's direction and went on with Lum hanging on his arm and floating beside him.

"What's the matter now?" Lum asked.

"You know" Ataru began "there were probably a lot of points where we could have just stopped and left Ono and Yuka alone. But in the end, neither of us an be blamed for what happened."

"Isn't that good?" Lum asked. "Honestly, I thought it was my fault for a while after I finally found out what had happened. I just got so swept up in helping those two out, since they're so uncommon of a couple, you know? Sort of like us."

"No, I get that" Ataru said. "And to be honest, I noticed you starting to get hurt at first too, but I knew you'd be too stubborn to stop. And honestly, if they were paying me to ignore you I might have done that too."

"We'd go to the same home at the end of the day anyway" Lum said. "I'd get that ignorance broken easily." Ataru looked serious as he walked. Lum realized that, for once, he wasn't joking.

"Cherry said that my luck became worse" Ataru said "and I didn't believe him. It's still hard to believe, thinking that _my_ luck could be _worse_ and I'm still somehow _alive,_ but....I just don't want to have to admit to him that **he was actually right about everything for once and see that ugly mug of his smug with satisfaction!!!**" Both Lum and Ataru pictured a mockingly smirking Cherry at the same time and shared a powerful cringe in unison.

"Well I'm glad" Lum said. "That just means things are really back to normal with us."

"You sure?" Ataru said, looking down at her. "What if my bad luck causes something terrible to happen to the whole planet? Like another invasion that _I_ can't stop?"

"Then at least we'll be together" Lum said. "Plus, then we could move your house and family to Uru so that both our parents can be nearby, and then we can get married according to my customs."

"I thought we already were married according to your customs" Ataru said.

"We are!" Lum squealed.

"Well, too bad we're on Earth then!" Ataru shouted triumphantly. "We're not married here until we have a wedding!"

"When?" Lum asked, eager to jump at the word. Ataru glanced at her and carried straight on, dismissing his own mention as if it never happened. "When? When? When?"

"Cut that out, Lum" Ataru said. "You're being annoying..."

"Cue orchestra!" a handsome voice called. A powerful flourish began from out of nowhere. Suddenly, the alleys were filled with men in black suits and shades playing orchestral instruments. "Cue, Spotlight!" the voice shouted again. Everything suddenly darkened except for one large spot of bright, yellow light that centered just in front of Lum and Ataru. Ataru's eyes spastically blinked while Lum just took a pair of shades from inside her bikini and put them on. "**HAA!!**" the voice shouted once more. Suddenly, a figure of a moving shadow appeared overhead. It flipped and spun through the air, plummeting down from an unseen height, and then suddenly landed in a quick upheaval of dust in the street as the music reached an intense peak of grandiose affluence as the man stood up fully with an extended arm holding a rose. The spotlight widened and cast a brilliant, sparkling glare on everything around him, accentuating his presence so much that Ataru had just stopped trying to watch and closed his eyes.

"**It is I!**" Called the man. **"Shutaro Mendo, esteemed heir to the Mendo Clan, fully recovered and-**"

"Let's get some ramen" Ataru said.

"We always get ramen" Lum said. "Can't we try something different?"

"Alright" Ataru said, "where should we go then? Keep in mind, not many places will let you in with just that on."

"I've got a change on hand" Lum said braggingly.

"Where?" Ataru asked. The couple had already gone past Shutaro and were walking together, unimpeded by his amazing entrance. The music had stopped, leaving Shutaro standing in the middle of the street with all his personal company of guards around him with spotlights dimming and eyes averting to his failure.

_Why?_ He wondered, his face frozen with cascades of water streaming from his eyes at the level of neglect by which he was being treated. _Have they still not forgiven me for my harsh actions? Has my prostration to the level I wrote to them not been enough!? What must I do to seek their approval as my dear friends once more!?_ Shutaro collapsed down to his knees and dropped the rose. Its petals were shed as it gently drifted through the air and hit the ground, bare and dead, like his hopes.

"Fate has conspired" Shutaro said "in such a way that prevents my friends from forgiving me. I must stay resolute to the importance of my life to the world as the heir to the Mendo Clan, and carry on, living life without ties to any friends at all!" Taking on a manly and sacrificial tone, Shutaro turned his tearing eyes skyward and started calling to the heavens. "**My marriage shall be loveless and political, and no happiness shall find me but in my lust for wealth! Is that how it is universe!? **_**HUH!? YOU COWAAAAAARD!!!!!**_"

"Let's just leave" one of the guards still watching said. The rest nodded affirmatively, leaving Mendo alone in a Tomobiki street with tears in his face and fist to the skies!

* * *

Ataru and Lum walked back together from a new and entertaining karaoke bar where neither of them sang and casually ate food. On the way back, Lum mentioned that it was a date, but Ataru outright denied it as he willingly chose to do it for food, and to him, that was survival. They passed through the street where Mendo had been and noticed the rose lying on the ground.

"Are we going to forgive him yet?" Lum asked.

"That doubt is answer enough" Ataru said. They continued on their way home, and soon Lum latched herself back onto Ataru's arm.

"I looooove yooooou!" Lum called.

"Quiet down!" Ataru said with a hush. "It's getting late. Some people might be trying to relax!" Lum nuzzled his shoulder for a bit then looked up at him with prying, anxiously sparkling eyes. Eventually, he had to look. "Eh?" he said upon turning his head to her.

"Your turn!" Lum said, shaking his arm. "Say it!"

"Hmph" Ataru scoffed, turning his head forward again.

"Saay iiit!" Lum whined cutely.

"Quit that" Ataru said. "How old are you now?"

"Just say it" Lum said casually. "There's no reason to hide it. After all, just how old _are_ you?"

"Eighteen" Ataru offhandedly said "and that's not important!" Ataru smiled at her, forcing her to smile back. "You can settle for silence, right?"

"As acceptance" Lum said.

"Silence is silence!" Ataru defended. "Not saying anything doesn't equate with anything else!"

"It does when your asked if you love someone or not" Lum said. Ataru felt like he'd been slapped and his head was jerked to the side as a result. "It doesn't matter that much to me, because I know. Still, I'd like you to say it to someone else at least once, in total seriousness too."

"Who would I tell it to?" Ataru asked. "The wrong reactions would come out of anyone I just came up to and said that to!"

"Well, I trust in your ability to get into situations" Lum said. "Eventually, you'll find yourself unable to say anything else. The circumstances will simply work out in such a way, just you wait."

"Well hopefully you're not in a hospital when that happens" Ataru said.

"Don't blame yourself for that" Lum said, squeezing his arm harder. "It was just bad luck." As it happened, they were passing right by Cherry's lot, and saw no sign of activity from the monk. They hushed up immediately and wandered past it, not letting a single word of their discussions regarding Ataru's supernaturality to slip into the night air. They walked together for a shorter bit of time until Lum spoke up again. "Do you blame me for anything, Darling?" she asked in all demure seriousness.

"Sure" Ataru bluntly answered, straight and without a hint of regret in his voice. "Pick a topic, there's probably something I'd go to blaming you for."

"Even your bad luck?" she asked.

"No way" Ataru said. "I'd say....you're more of a product of my luck....though....not necessarily my _bad_ luck." Lum smiled and rested into his arm.

"Well you know" she began "I don't have anything to blame you for, because you don't warrant any blame from me on anything. I just enjoy being around you, all the fun times we have, our unspoken love for each other....you know, all that stuff. I really love it. And you."

"I'm not saying it" Ataru said. "We've already established that." Lum hopped into him lightly and giggled. He laughed with her briefly, and soon they came to his house once more. "Well, we're home now. Seems like we've been gone kind of long."

"It's only been a few days or so" Lum said. "Really, we've been gone much longer than that."

"Well.....yeah" Ataru said. "I mean, when you consider things like....space and time being warped, I suppose we don't spend a whole lot of time just being on the planet, do we?" Ataru and Lum went up to the door, and he reached out to open it, but something stopped him from just entering his house like normal. Instead he stood with Lum on his arm as she, too, waited for Ataru's hand to move the knob and simply open the door. Somehow, Ataru had just frozen up and was staring straight at the door-knob, as if trying to move it with his mind.

"Darling?" Lum said, pulling Ataru's attention off the door and toward her. "Is something wrong? Are you alright?" Ataru shook his head, but lowered his arm from the door. He pulled his other arm free of Lum's clutch and gave her a tight, warm, deeply emotional hug. Lum was so surprised by his embrace that she stalled in tightly holding him back, but she did. "Darling....." she softly said.

"Let's forgo the sorries and stuff" he said "and just keep going like always, alright?"

"Of course" Lum said, so happy her eyes were nearly tearing. "You're such a good husband, Darling."

"Fiancee" Ataru corrected. "Actually, that might be overstepping it for now. Maybe just start calling me your 'boyfriend' if you can."

"Nuh-uh!" Lum denied. "You said 'engaged', not 'go out with' when we met! We're engaged!"

"Damn" Ataru whispered. "Couldn't escape this time..."

"I heard that" Lum said, breaking the hug and stroking a gentle finger across Ataru's chin as he drew away. "Don't you underestimate the bond of an Oni, Darling. If you try to break an unbreakable bond, the heavens might punish you!" She touched her finger to his nose in a gentle, taunting gesture, letting a tiny spark flicker between their skin. Ataru twitched at it and scratched his nose.

"You know" he began "those nurse girls said that any electrical contact is really dangerous for me for the next few weeks. I could get my whole brain fried from synapse....something."

"Let me worry about that, Darling" Lum said. She took hold of the door handle and entered the house, letting Ataru follow after her. It was just like always between them, it seemed. When one was behind they pulled ahead, and just as they were ready to end the game the other pulled a fast one and switched places, going so far ahead that they just _had_ to be chased. The odd yet often reversal of Lum leading Ataru was something he savored, harkening back to the glory days of his youth and to the day he secretly treasured when they met.....

Their night was not yet over, however. After scavenging even more food from the dinner Mrs. Moroboshi had promised to cook and separate baths to rid themselves of their hospital-room feeling, Lum and Ataru retired to Ataru's room and prepared themselves for sleep. Ten greeted them both as if they had never really gone, just another circumstance of being a self-risen child, and Lum crawled into the closet with him while Ataru spread out his own mattress and blanket.

"You usually do this for me, don't you?" Ataru asked.

"Well" Lum began "you did try to sneak your way out of being a husband to me, so this is your punishment!"

"You should make him do it all the time, Lum" Ten said. "It's just plain spoiling him if you do everything for him."

"Ten, don't be rude" Lum politely scolded. Ten looked down in regret.

"Still, this doesn't seem like punishment" Ataru said. "I'd just now really noticed that you usually do this for me."

"Does she?" the Kuroko in the corner said. "Are you that lazy?"

"No" Ataru said, "it's just never crossed my mind."

"Ah, you're pretty dense, then" the Kuroko said.

"You be nicer too" Lum said, immediately after talking to him losing her balance and falling face to the floor in surprise.

"Ah, you're both actually a little dense" the Kuroko said. Ataru now noticed him, so suddenly that it was hard to notice him at first. The definition of a background character, the Kuroko had expertly disguised himself as a lamp in the corner that was never actually there simply by sitting behind a cutout of a lamp. He moved out once he was realized to be there, and stood up straight and at attention.

"Oh yeah" Ten began, "I thought we were just ignoring him for fun. Sorry, I should have said something, right? Hehe...."

"What're you doing here, pal?" Ataru asked with his jaw to the floor. The Kuroko did something almost blasphemous to its title and **removed its headgear.** Lum hovered up with a shocked and anticipatory expression on her face. She thought that, naturally, all of the Kuroko would have something worth hiding underneath their pitch-black clothing. However, when this one removed his black headgear, he displayed the rugged and jaded face of a man whose rough stubble of a beard had gone too-long unshaven, and his eyes were shielded behind **a black pair of shades!**

"You're one of Mendo's guards!" Ataru exclaimed. Lum snapped her fingers and puffed her cheek in disappointment.

"That's right, I am" the man said. "I'm a secret double-agent constantly spying on Miss Ryoko for Master Shutaro's purposes in defending himself against his sister. Recently, the young lady has taken interest in dubiously plotting to instill chaos and general negativity everywhere she sees there to be a working and orderly system of positive working energy."

"Eh?" Ataru quizzically grunted.

"She's gotten a hobby out of messing with people?" Lum said. The man nodded. "She just gets more and more ridiculously sadistic, doesn't she?"

"She gets bored easily" the man said. "Anyway, the reason I'm here is because her latest act of mischief directly effects the two of you." Both Ataru and Lum snapped to attention at hearing the guard's warning. Their first day back, and already misfortune and general bad luck was calling them out! "It seems that, in his bed-ridden state, young Master Shutaro took to a state of deep regret for something he'd done during your world-saving mission, and he wrote you both a letter of deep regret and great apology. I must admit, when I heard it dictated by the Kuroko who took it, it was a masterfully done apology letter. However, as it is obvious, the letter never got to you. Knowing it was somehow important, Ryoko stole it to sew chaos between you two and the young Master! Now he is beret and going slowly crazy with guilt after you shunned him this afternoon! He won't believe that you would accept his apology without reading the letter, but Miss Ryoko is in direct possession of it as we speak!"

"Okay" Lum said. "Then we'll just go in and take it back."

"**EH!?"** the guard, and Ataru, exclaimed collaboratively.

"We'll give that spoiled girl" Lum said with a snide, sinister sneer "something that she simply _can't_ be bored with!"

"Tomorrow" Ataru said. "It's late right now."

"Yes, tomorrow definitely!" Lum said. "It'll be fun!"

"Ah" the guard said. "Well, in that case, could I sleep here tonight? I'll just sleep in my Kuroko clothes."

"Guest room's downstairs" Ataru said.

"Thank you for having me" he said with a bow. And so another night closes in Tomobiki.....one not so much of a departure from the scale of normalcy that the strange little town usually sees. Just another event leading into another. Just another day in welcoming and curious little Tomobiki town...


	47. Chapter 47

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

A Heroic Retrieval Mission! Of Pride and Honor!

* * *

The next day, plans were set in motion fast. At approximately 1400 hours at the Ryoko branch of the Mendo compound, the devious girl sat at the head of a table lined on all sides by Kuroko, her confidante squadron of advisers and her most skilled kuroko warriors.

"Good afternoon" Ryoko said. "As you know, as of 1200 hours today, one of our spies turned double-agent on us." In the dark room where they met, a huge screen behind her suddenly lit up, casting her face into the shadows behind a wall of light. The image of the Mendo guard wearing Kuroko gear was shown with his face revealed. He was slung up in a tight cocoon of rope, wiggling and struggling against the tension, over a pit of ferocious alligators. "He has been dealt with accordingly."

"So the war has begun" a Kuroko said. "We've committed the first inscrutable act against the young master..."

"Hold on" Ryoko began, "we didn't kill him. We're just torturing him. He'll be fine. But the fact remains that this marks the stage for a definite attack against me, and on my own territory! We must defend our precious prize at all costs!"

"What prize might that be, Lady Ryoko?" A Kuroko asked.

"I have a sneaking suspicion" Ryoko began "that my dear brother's pride has finally come full-circle to force him into acting. If he had a spy within my ranks, he surely used him to find out about the letter he wrote. He's surely after that as we speak!"

"Well where is it?" a Kuroko at the far end of the table asked. "Is it in a safe place?"

"What?" Ryoko shouted. "You're too far away." The Kuroko pulled out a megaphone from under his suit.

"Is the letter in a safe place?" he called through the horn.

"Yes it is" Ryoko replied, calling through her own megaphone materialized from another Kuroko near her. "I can't be too cautious right now, so I can't tell you where it is. We have to remain completely vigilant for signs of other counter-agents. My brother is a cunning and admirable commander. He has surely been able to plant more than one spy among us. For the rest of the day, stay on patrol and use the utmost stealth! These are highly-trained bodyguards we are dealing with, but they aren't as skilled in mimicry and scenery manipulation as you are! Now go out and do your general proud!"

"Yes ma'am!" the Kuroko shouted. They all suddenly sped away and faded off into the scenery, covering their black suits with fabric to blend into the walls. Ryoko remained as the screen shut off and soft lighting from under the long table cast a dim glow to her face. She smiled, only her smile staying out of the shadows around her face, but still a smile that was itself shadowy and grim.

The Kuroko patrolled in pairs of two each, staying close together and moving through the narrow corridors as quickly as they could. They stuck to the walls and their shadows, closing up all the window blinds they came across to give themselves an advantage.

"Mendo's guards all wear sunglasses" a Kuroko pulling down the blinds on a long, Victorian window said. "They won't be able to see very well in the dark."

"We've gotten used to it already" the other Kuroko with him said. "This is one step in our favor before the battle even begins!"

"But, thinking about it," the first Kuroko said, "is it really the young master Shutaro's style to employ these kinds of tactics? He's more of an offensive commander, a 'rush-in-and-shoot-the-place-up-with-overwhelming-firepower-and-numbers' kind of guy."

"Well, this must be a dire circumstance" the other Kuroko said. "Desire drives men wild, after all. He must really want that letter."

"What was in it?" the first asked.

"Dunno" the second replied. "Lady Ryoko has been pretty secretive about it, even from us. She's gotten a little too cautious for her own good, I think." The Kuroko sped away, under the cover of a blanket colored like the wall they ran across. Many groups diverged and met and crossed each other throughout Ryoko's wide area of the compound. Men hid out in bushes and trees, staying ever vigilant for the signs of an impending attack. The traditional styles of Ryoko were inherent of her mother's, but she was still a modern child. Cameras were set up everywhere and monitored in a huge control room at the very top of the biggest building in her compound. She arrived shortly after 1430 hours to monitor the progression of the Kuroko groups inside the building. In time, she was sure to observe a slip-up, a failure in the part of her brother's most trusted staff, and then she would sound the alarm and release the proverbial hounds of war.

An hour went by with no signs of sure progress. The patrols continued tediously without revealing any unseen presences or detecting any intruders. Ryoko started to grow impatient. She leaned against her command chair, geared up in camoflague battle fatigues with the sleeves ripped off her jacket and a belt of grenades around her chest. She was so ready to fight, but nothing was happening. Things were simply becoming boring...

At 1600 hours (4:00) a report came in.

"Seems we have a sighting" a kuroko reported from the monitoring station.

"Show me!" Ryoko called excitedly. A big screen in the middle of the many monitors lit up with a scene. No audio was available, however. A kuroko was waving his arms and alerting another group to an enemy presence around the corner. Two groups of men dashed out of cover and followed him around the corner. When the camera tried to follow them by switching angles, it lost connection and went to static.

"Something's wrong" a kuroko technician called. "Uh, it seems one of the cameras has shut down."

"Could it be the start of an attack?" Ryoko asked.

"No" another kuroko said. "It seems to be out of power."

"Ah, those wireless units are tricky, eh?" another kuroko said.

"Do something about it!" Ryoko demanded. "Every inch of the compound we don't meticulously observe is an inch that Shutaro can use to his advantage against me!"

"Roger, miss" the kuroko said. They started typing away furiously to try and restore the problem, going from camera to camera to find another angle and find the group of men running around, but to no avail. They hadn't come out of that secluded, unwatched area yet. It seemed that Shutaro had indeed gained a foothold in the base.

"Damn" Ryoko whispered. She clutched her fist tight at her side, vehement over the loss already in effect...meanwhile, in that hallway, the kuroko were all knocked out but one. One had sprung the trap that managed to leave them all smoking on the floor, and that one removed its headgear and threw it to the floor.

"Those things are stuffy!" Ataru exclaimed as he wiped his brow. "I don't know how these guys can live in those things for so many hours a day! I'm practically heat-exhausted just running around for the short time I've been!"

"Is something up over there?" A kuroko shouted from around the corner. Ataru nervously darted his head and picked up a blanket. He blended into the wall so perfectly that even the hiding experts couldn't spot him. The two that arrived to the scene were holding the frame of a topless table around their waists, pretending to be its moving legs. "Woah! What happened here?"

"Must have been an attack" the other kuroko said. "Come on, let's get back and report it." So they sped away, not noticing Ataru's presence at all.

_Damn_ Ataru thought. _I need to think. What was the plan again...?_ Ataru started to think hard and let his mind drift back to the morning, when everything was set-up for him to be forced into action in the first place...

* * *

At approximately 1000 hours, on the streets of Tomobiki, Ataru and Lum were guided by the Mendo guard spy still in kuroko clothing to the husked body of Shutaro Mendo. After being ignored so bluntly the other day, he had broken down in depression, and spent the night crouched over himself and staring half-unconscious at the ground.

"Is he alright?" Ataru asked. He reached his leg out and pushed him. Shutaro fell over and may as well have shattered right there. He was hardly hanging on to his tie to the world as his mind had all but left him in its greatest throes of despair and depression. "He can't be dead. All we did was ignore him."

"He could be sick" Lum said. She reached down and put a hand near his forehead. Then he groaned with a weeping tone and started to sit up. Lum drew away as Shutaro managed to push himself up from his slump on the ground into a more proper sitting slump instead.

"I remember happiness" Shutaro began in a broken voice of sadness. "I remember....sunlight." Ataru looked skyward and squinted as the sun brightened the late morning sky. There were hardly any clouds, either. "Yes....I remember warm human hands...." Shutaro took Lum's hand into his and held it close to his face. "I can hardly remember it at all, it's been so long. So many things have happened, so many trials, so much loss. But for now, to kiss of this hand, will be my only saving grace from the world humanity left me behind in..."

"Zap him" Ataru said. Lum casually shocked Shutaro with a few body-shaking zaps and shook him straight out of his funk. He sat back up, revealing his shock, and looked between Ataru and Lum several times.

"You two?" he said. "Am I dreaming?"

"Your guard told us you wrote an apology letter for us" Lum said "so we decided to help you get it back."

"You did?" Shutaro said. He turned straight to Ataru, who was grinning in a charismatic way.

"The fact that you wrote it for _us_" Ataru began "has me interested. I really want to read you apology to me, Mendo." Shutaro looked back and forth at them again, then stood straight up to his feet.

"Then why the hell _didn't_ you!" Shutaro exclaimed.

"We never got it" Ataru said. "Ryoko stole it." Shutaro's face fell. All emotion left it, as he wasn't surprised, but then despair and anger overtook it and weighed his jaw down.

"I found out not too long ago" the guard in costume said. "I'm sorry that my report is so late in arriving, but we're ready to do something about it promptly." Shutaro wasn't listening. His mind had still not recovered from the anger. The three braced themselves and took a few steps back, knowing what angry explosion was about to erupt from Shutaro's mouth. He indeed turned red with rage, leaned back and roared up to the sky a curse of his sister's name.

"**RYOKOOOOOO!"**

"Calm down, young master!" the guard said. "To protect your pride, you have to get that letter back!" Shutaro breathed out and calmed down in an instant.

"You are right" he said. "This time my sister has gone too far! Taking the personal touch out of her efforts by doing something so drastically simple...it isn't her style. It's a dishonor to the prideful name she's built up for herself as a Mendo! I can't let such a thing stand! I will fight her for retribution, for the sake of _our_ family pride!"

"And we'll help you!" Lum cheered.

"I am thankful, Miss Lum," Shutaro began, "but your help is not required. No, even if it were, I couldn't disgrace myself so much as to ask you to retrieve the very letter I meant for you to read from _my_ sister. This is a Mendo family problem. I can't have you included in a war that doesn't concern you."

"Well we're helping you anyway" Ataru said. "Consider it a kind of 'retribution' for leaving you high and dry yesterday." Shutaro turned to Ataru with an incredibly suspicious look. He communicated, without even speaking, how little he believed in Ataru's good will by staring through his widened eyes with pin-point beady pupils. Ataru could feel something like a chill run up his spine.

"Shutaro" Lum began, "I know you're really proud, but at least let us help you with this. After all, if we had gotten your letter, we wouldn't have ignored you and hurt you like that. We're after Ryoko just as much as you are now, so please just let us help you." Shutaro glanced at Lum seriously, taking her words to heart and reflecting on the weight of what she said.

"Why didn't it work when I said it?" Ataru asked to Lum.

"You just don't have any charm" she answered, sticking out her tongue with a kiddish grin. Ataru glared at her.

"Very well" Shutaro said. He swung out his arm for a dramatic gusting effect and smiled toward his friends. "We shall mobilize immediately! Our attack begins at noon!"

And thus, after such a plan had been organized, noon came. Soon after that, those three managed to sneak into Ryoko's compound and met up one last time before splitting apart.

"Miss Lum" Shutaro began, "please refrain from any use of your powers. No flying, zapping, or alien technology. If they find you, Ryoko will surely do something terrible to you to punish us both." Lum nodded, her hair done up in a safe bun, and covered her face with the black headgear. "Moroboshi, you and I will make the main attack against Ryoko's forces. We will blend in to their ranks, lure them into unmonitored spots of the compound and subdue them."

"Well, I'm not a violent guy" Ataru said.

"Don't be, then" Shutaro said. He handed Ataru a taser, to which Ataru nodded and hid in his sleeve. "Will you be alright like that? If it shocks you-"

"You think I'll feel that dinky thing shock me?" Ataru said. "I've built up a tolerance to electricity like rubber thanks to her." He pointed to Lum who tilted her head cutely under her mask.

"Very well" Shutaro said. "Once the place has been caught up in finding us, Miss Lum, you will go with whatever group you can find and report to Ryoko. Then you must search for the location of the letter. If you can steal it from her, do so without getting caught. Once you have the letter, use your lightning to strike the top of Ryoko's building to signal the rescue helicopter to pick us all up. Once that happens, its entirely up to you and I, Moroboshi, to find our way to the helicopter separately."

"What if one of us gets left behind?" Ataru asked. Shutaro placed a caring hand on his shoulder and looked at him with sad, moist eyes. Ataru brushed the hand off. "Hey, remember me? The man who escapes from everything? You'd better hope _you_ can get there in time. Don't you dare worry about me."

"Right, right" Shutaro said, rubbing his hand. "I'd forgotten somehow. Alright then, let's say if all else fails I give you both permission to exercise whatever methods you wish to carry out the mission. And to further motivate you, Moroboshi, I promise that if we succeed I will treat you to whatever food you wish to eat for dinner." Ataru grabbed Shutaro's shoulder.

"You're a good friend" Ataru said. "I'm glad we get to hang out together like this."

"You're such an easy fellow" Shutaro said. They both placed their hands on each other's shoulders and laughed.

"Quiet down!" Lum hushed. "I think someone's coming!"

"Right" Shutaro said, he and Ataru simultaneously becoming serious. They pulled down their hoods, slipped on a perfect disguise and ran into the compound with a shoddy fake horse cover tossed over their heads. "Onward to victory!" Shutaro shouted.

* * *

"Oh yeah" Ataru said. "Free food. Well, I'd better get going. It's nearly dinner time!" With all that remembered so quickly, Ataru sped off to continue his mission. For the next hour he led men into corners of the compound and zapped the cameras by using the taser against the metal air-duct grates built in the walls. Then he downed all the men at once and left them to lay smoking in the hall. Shutaro's plan was working just as well. He was able to render the men he lured away unconscious with the sheathe of his sword, expertly hidden within his baggy kuroko garb, and then sank away into another group, convincing them to band together with as many other groups as possible to increase their survivability.

"But aren't we just patrol?" a kuroko said, raising question to Shutaro's suggestion. "I mean, sure, it'd suck to get attacked, but the point of us is to make it known that enemies are here, and we all know that pretty well right now."

"If one group falls somewhere" another kuroko said "then that means the enemy passed through that area, not that they lost a fight. We're not here to fight."

"Very well then" Shutaro said. "We should split up, in that case, to cover more ground. We all know where the cameras are, so one man should stay in each monitored area to keep it covered." The kuroko agreed to this and split up. Shutaro managed to knock a few of them out while staying out of the camera's field of view. Though he wasn't as good at hiding and escaping as Ataru was, he was still able to hide from the plain sight of the kurokos by disguising himself as various absurd objects. As the hour progressed, Shutaro made a daring gamble to try and get closer to Ryoko.

"Hey!" he called to a kuroko hiding beneath a vase. Shutaro was wearing a horse costume but was dragging the back end behind him. "Help me with this thing, would you?" The kuroko was initially suspicious, or hesitant, but wordlessly moved back to help him support the costume. "Let's report back to Lady Ryoko."

"Alright" the kuroko said. And so, they sped off, running through the halls as a runaway cloth horse.

_That was easy_ Shutaro thought. _I wonder if Miss Lum has gotten any headway towards her goal...._ In the command center, Ryoko paced back and forth, watching as the screens continued to turn to static, one after another, each time a group ran off to inspect some happening just out of sight. There was definitely foul play afoot, but she could do nothing about it. One of the kurokos working the monitors was leaning back in his chair with his hands folded over his lap. Ryoko walked over and smacked him in the back of the head, making him jump in surprise.

"Are you getting paid to sleep on the job?" she shouted.

"Am I getting paid...?" the kuroko asked in a timid voice. Ryoko huffed and walked away, leaving the kuroko to rub his head. Rather, _her_ head. Lum scowled and seethed under her mask, glaring through the thin mask veil to watch Ryoko pace around yet more. She turned back to the console and disabled the feed from one of the cameras, just as Ataru managed to disable one himself, causing two screens to simultaneously go blank.

"Which cameras were those?" Ryoko asked.

"73 and 24" a kuroko said. "Strange, they aren't even on the same floor, or connected to the same routings..."

"Multiple attacks" Ryoko lowed. "That settles it. There's only one way to wrap this up. Launch our defense systems! I declare us to be in a state of high alert!" The kurokos, and Lum, worked to activate the pressure-sensitive traps, unbreachable doors, locked hallways, dangerous trip-wired snares and other nefarious devices to stop the flow of any living creature within the halls. "You, the lazy one!" Ryoko called, pointing to Lum. Lum pointed to herself to clarify Ryoko's choice. "Yes, you! Come with me. I'm going to my room to await the final attack, so I'll need protection against my captors."

"Uh, but you have guns" Lum mentioned, keeping her voice low in tone.

"Just come with me!" Ryoko demanded, hissing fire Lum's way. Lum snapped to attention and ran to Ryoko's side. She followed her out of the room and down the hallway that led to her room. They both stopped in front of a picture frame which Ryoko removed from the wall, revealing a safe with a combination lock. She turned the knob until the door unlocked, then retrieved the single slip of paper from within. "Here" she said, shoving it against Lum's face. "Protect this and get away from the compound. They'll come looking for it by coming straight to me, and I can't let it fall into the wrong hands!"

"Of course, Lady Ryoko" Lum said with a salute. "I will, uh, take to hiding right now."

"I'm trusting you" Ryoko said. "Don't disappoint me." Ryoko entered her room and shut the door behind her. A larger metal rood slid out and blocked the path to the fine-paneled wooden one, then a curtain drew down that looked exactly like the surrounding walls, making it appear like nothing but a stretch of wall was there. Lum blinked under her hood and looked at the letter. It was addressed to herself and Ataru and signed by Shutaro.

_No way_ Lum thought. _That was too easy! Way too easy!....I bet she's going to throw a git when she realizes what she just did!_ Lum kicked off the ground and flew away, out a nearby window and into the air. She tucked the letter away into her bikini under her kuroko garb for safe keeping, then flew up to the metal broadcasting rod at the top of the building. She gathered up a hefty flow of electricity into her hands and blasted a fierce strike of lightning into the metal rod. The broadcast flow for Ryoko's entire part of the compound changed from whatever was playing to an emergency message regarding an unexpected power failure due to lightning striking the building. This message was intercepted by the Mendo troops who waited in their rescue helicopter, hiding it under a blanket of brush and leaves in the middle of the nearby forest grounds.

"That's the signal" the pilot said. "Let's get moving!" The guards inside quickly left and pulled off the tarp that hid the black helicopter from sight. They boarded back up and started their lift off. The flashing red signal-lights drew attention from the windows of the compound's central building, and the patrolling kuroko started their retreat to the safe rooms located on the top and bottom floors. Unfortunately, the security arming was silent, and they only became aware of the many traps once they had fallen into them. Shutaro and his random kuroko friend managed to get to the monitoring room door, only to find it locked steadfast.

"Quickly, open it!" Shutaro exclaimed.

"I don't know how!" the kuroko said. "Why can't you open it?" Shutaro knocked him out with a swift hit to the head and hid his sword and sheathe back under his black garments. "Miss Lum must have been found out. But did she manage to escape with the letter?" Shutaro heard something over the panic on the floor. He walked to a window, triggering a shower of nails from stepping on the wrong spot, but duck-rolled away just in time. He looked out and saw a black helicopter inbound with his family crest on the side. "Well done, Miss Lum! Now, the rest lies up to me!" Shutaro rushed away in an attempt to make his daring escape. He smashed open a window and pulled out a flare gun. The helicopter pilot changed his course and flew toward the high-story window where Shutaro was waving them over.

From one story up, a large Victorian window flew open, and Ryoko leaned out in her battle fatigues. "Oh brother, why?" she called. "Why are you so cruel to your sweet, little sister?" Ryoko loaded a rocket into a rocket launcher and took aim at the helicopter. With a sure shot lined up she fired and the rocket spiraled toward the aircraft. The side slid open and one of the guards armed a small firework cannon. It blasted out an anti-missile projectile which exploded into a thick cloud of dust and debris, stopping Ryoko's rocket from reaching the helicopter and blowing it up mid-air.

"Steady it out, men" Shutaro called to the helicopter crew. "Don't worry about Ryoko. Just let me get on before Moroboshi comes-"

"UWAAAHH!" Ataru screamed. Shutaro saw him running from a wave of water somehow brought about by the ingeniously designed traps of the build's defense system. Shutaro screamed in panic and started to scramble out the window. "Mendo, run for iiit!"

"That's what I'm trying to do!" Shutaro shouted. He made a leaping jump, right in line with the helicopter, just as Ataru turned to the window and jumped out over him. Shutaro was within grasp of his men, who all reached out for him, when Ataru's body fell on top of him, causing him to fall while Ataru pushed himself off of his back and into the helicopter safely. Shutaro fell screaming, his body plummeting towards certain death. Ataru managed to kick out the emergency retrieval ladder when he landed, which fell down toward Shutaro as he fell through the air.

"Young master!" one of the men shouted. "The ladder! Hurry!" Shutaro looked up and saw the ladder. Just before it snapped and reached its farthest length, Shutaro managed to grab a hold of it and held on with a fearsome strength powered by adrenaline and anger.

"Moroboshi...." he seethed in a shaking, angered voice. "You bastard! You ass of a man! I'll chop you up and **feed you to my OCTOPI!**"

"Yeah!" Ataru called down. "I missed doing this too!" Mendo's scowl turned into a smirk as he looked up. He started to climb the ladder, feeling the pull and pain of his arms from catching all his weight at once. Lum flew into the helicopter as it started moving away. Ryoko's building was in a massive panic, and the girl herself could do nothing more than look on as the helicopter began flying away. She saw Lum remove her hood and hold out the letter from within her garb before the guards shut the doors. Then she looked down at her brother, who stood on the ladder with one arm wrapped around its side for support, staring her down.

_He always treats me like a villain_ Ryoko thought _without seeming to care about how I feel. My dear brother....I'm sorry. I just wanted us to play together..._ So the helicopter carried the triumphant team off and across the compound, off toward the feast they so rightly deserved, and as always, left the lonely girl alone to her room....

* * *

Now that their daring mission was over, Shutaro lived up to his promise and accompanied Ataru and Lum to the eatery of Ataru's choice at his own expense. While they sat together in a reserved section of the expensive, authentic Okonomiyaki restaurant, Shutaro read aloud the letter he had narrated for them to read.

"...Lastly, I would like to congratulate you on your speech and subsequent award. I am willing to defend righteously what part I played, but will not overstep the glory that may come with it. I leave that to you. With sincerest regards, Shutaro Mendo..." Ataru put down his chopsticks with a mouthful of food and gave a brief applause.

"Thank you, Shutaro" Lum said.

"How long'd it take you to get it right?" Ataru asked.

"This was an impromptu performance" Shutaro said boastfully. "I am, by no means, a person to be so forward in my admittance of guilt or apology. I'm a proud man, and proud of it. However, there was no trouble in doing this for you. I am still sincerely sorry, to both of you, for what I said in heaven."

"You should be" Lum said. "However, since you went so far to apologize, I forgive you." Ataru noisily scarfed down a whole Okonamiyaki full of shrimp and octopus. Lum glared at him, forcing him to pause, and he turned to Shutaro with a serious look in his eyes.

"Mmf fu frfr fmmf mm ff-fff" Ataru said, muffled by the mouth full of food. He clapped his hands and bowed his head briefly, then went on jamming the food into mouth. Lum smiled at his effort, but she saw Shutaro was more disgusted then glad with Ataru's forgiveness.

"Ah, well, I assume you're thanking me for treating you to dinner...." Shutaro said. "In any case, think nothing of it, Moroboshi. I'm glad we were able to resolve this without any unsightly violence."

"Me too" Lum said. "It'd be terrible if you two had to fight to resolve every tiny problem."

"Nothing would get resolved" Ataru said. "Either I'd run away or he'd flip out and carpet-bomb the city."

"Hahaha" Shutaro laughed. "Even so, I wouldn't be able to hit you, Moroboshi. You have the uncanny ability to hide under even the tiniest amount of shade!" Ataru smirked.

"Gah, you're praising me too much" Ataru said.

"What little there is to praise, Darling" Lum said. "Besides, no matter where you hide, don't I always manage to find you?"

"You cheat" Ataru said. "Using lightning has to be against the rules from now on. And flying. If you can't keep up with me, then you just aren't running fast enough."

"No one runs faster than you, Moroboshi" Shutaro said. "I swear, if you had any drive and joined the school's track team we'd never lose...." So the conversations continued. Ataru led them away from talking about school while Shutaro constantly managed to trace his way back, and Lum just chimed in to either tease one of the boys or make some boastful insinuation about her abilities. Those three continued to talk jovially together, so care-free and pleasant like they rarely ever had before, unaware of the nefarious plots Ryoko was already cooking up for them.

There the dark-haired girl sat alone in her room, on a seat like a throne at the foot of her bed, surrounded by hanging papers. **Copies of Shutaro's letter, hundreds of them, and a stack of envelopes addressed to nearly every home in all of Tomobiki.**

"Now then" Ryoko began, **"where shall the shame-parade begin...? Ufufufufu....."** Such sadistic intent. Certainly, this was a sister of Shutaro Mendo's.....


	48. Chapter 48

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The New Kid! Normal Tomo in Tomobiki!

* * *

After so many years of passive reception to the ill reputation that their neighborhood garnered, the next-door neighbors of the Moroboshi's were finally moving. They were seen off, ironically, by the very family that they were moving away from in a warm and friendly fashion. Ataru and his parents met them at the end of their front gate and shook their hands casually.

"Good luck wherever you're going" Mrs. Moroboshi said.

"So, are you moving for work?" Mr. Moroboshi asked. The couple looked at Ataru, who wasn't paying close attention to the situation. His mother stepped on his foot to turn him forward again.

"Uh, possibly" the husband said. "In any case, we thought it was a good idea to move."

"This town has just gotten too hectic lately" she said with a nervous smile. "What with aliens and all. I'd rather live somewhere a little more normal, you know?"

"Yeah" Mrs. Moroboshi said. She and her husband were caught in a sulk in-between their unsuspecting son. Ataru just looked between them and formulated a quick and brash assumption out of spite.

"If it's like that I may as well move out!" he snapped. They both suddenly looked up with tears of joy streaming from their eyes.

"God, thank you!" Mrs. Moroboshi prayed.

"It's a great day to be alive!" her husband said.

"**HEY!**" Ataru shouted. "What kind of parents are you!"

"If you move in with Lum" his mother began "just know that we fully support you in your decision."

"Wha?" Ataru grunted.

"Promise me you won't get a dead-end job like me!" his father exclaimed.

"I ain't moving out!" Ataru shouted.

"Yes you are!" his mother insisted, pressing her hands against his face. "You said it! Don't try taking it back! I won't let you!"

"Dear, restrain yourself!" her husband shouted. The couple watched for a moment longer before deciding not to stay long enough to get involved. They grabbed their luggage and made a run for it, bolting down the street and out of sight before the Moroboshi family scuffle had stopped. When it did, Ataru and his mother stopped their struggle and looked over at the empty house. She grinned and took Ataru calmly by the shoulders, sending a sharp, cold shiver through his body.

"Well, lookie there" she said. "A new place just opened up nearby! Ataru, why don't you take a gander and see if you like it?"

"Hold up!" Ataru exclaimed. "I mean, it's not unheard of for a high school student to live alone if his parents work a lot, but isn't it kind of useless if I live right next to you guys?" Ataru shook his mother off and stepped back in a sprint-starting lead. "Wait a minute, how could I even begin to afford my own house?"

"You think I'm stupid?" his mother exclaimed. "I know about your money hoarding ways! It's my house, after all!"

"Well..." Mr. Moroboshi began, attempting to make a stand for his own ownership of said house, but Ataru was already running away and his wife as already throwing things at him.

"Get outta here!" she bellowed. **"We'll find a nice rat to replace you with! At least that'd be a STEP UP!"** Ataru turned and stuck his tongue out some distance away. His mother tossed a glass bottle far enough to hit him square on the head. His inhuman resilience, however, kept him conscious and he only swayed before shaking it off to run some more. She sighed and turned around.

"Was that a bit cruel?" her husband asked.

"Oh, no" she said. "You know Ataru. Once he gets hungry he'll come home and forgive us to get a meal. He's just that way."

"More importantly" he began in a totally serious voice, "just how much is he hoarding?" Meanwhile, Ataru continued to run on instinct and stopped in place at the first passing thought of food.

"I guess I should apologize when I get back" Ataru thought aloud "so I can get some food. I can't keep spending money to eat everyday. At this rate I'll get too used to it and spend my emergency funds..." Ataru shrugged the matter off and casually started strolling along. He walked on the side of the street and made a short patrol, hunting for girls out of boredom. It was a slow day in any respect and there were no girls to be found walking about. Hardly anyone was out on the streets, strangely.

_I get it_ Ataru thought. _Lum's out of town, so nothing's happening. When she's here there's foot-traffic jams in the shopping districts. Now that she's gone, all the general weirdness seems to have left. I guess that's what Inaba means when he talks to us about universal balance and whatnot. Well, hopefully she comes back soon so I can hit on the more regularly social girls._ As Ataru was walking a car slowly drove past him. He took a quick peek at it out of curiosity and started following it casually. Something in his brain was alerting him to its presence, as if it were a rarity-detector going off at the first notice of abnormal happenings in the unusually diluted Tomobiki streets. Ataru managed to tail the car, eventually becoming increasingly stealthy and stalking-like in his approach, all the way back to his house. He knew because at that point he was running across roofs and had been atop his own many times before.

"Hmm?" he grunted. "What could this be?" The car pulled up to the recently-emptied house next door and the family within began to depart. "New neighbors already? Just when were those guys planning to move out, exactly?" The first out was a man from the driver's seat. Already Ataru could tell something was different, as this man was no ordinary Japanese suit-type. In fact, he wasn't Japanese at all! He had a scruffy brown goatee beard and long brown hair tied in a tail as well as blue eyes behind tinted purple shades. He had a short-sleeved polo shirt on, nothing too special, and cargo shorts with traditional Japanese geta sandals on his feet. Ataru was confused. His eyes crossed from the full glance-examination of the man.

The second person to come from the car was a slender and mature Japanese woman with shoulder-length hair and black shades. She wore all white and projected a strong, stern sense of business into the air around her. Then, from the back, a young man departed with short, wavy brown hair and regular glasses wearing a proper, private-school uniform and backpack. He had the same no-nonsense look of the woman but with the careless appearance of the man, obviously their child. Ataru crouched down and tried to look harder, examining the details of the new neighbors from afar with his ninja-like balance, but was unaware of his surroundings. Seeing someone foreign in his usual perch, Torajima the neighborhood tomcat, became angered and equipped his claws. He made a leap at Ataru and sank all five claws into Ataru's hind-end. Ataru held his breath to hide his presence but lost his balance and tumbled from the roof into the bushes on the ground with his legs in the air.

The young man looked from his car to the roof and saw the tiger-like cat licking his paw at its peak, then shivered.

"What's wrong, little man?" his father asked in a lax, smooth voice. "Nervous?"

"For some reason" he replied in a diligent, upright voice, "I had the feeling that I was being watched..."

"Ah, that's just nerves, man" his father said, waving his hand. "Come on, help your mom and me with the stuff. You can pick your own room if you carry all your stuff into it first!" So the father broke the ground of their new house, stepping in mere hours after the previous owners had left, while his son stayed wary and let a cool breeze push at his hair. Ataru's foot twitched in the bush, visible proof that he was alive and in pain.

* * *

Later that day, as the sun waned down and evening approached, Ataru finally crawled out of the bush and shook the leaves and branches from his head.

"Oof" he grunted as he pushed his back out. "Well, that was a crappy landing. I've fallen from higher, and fallen faster, before though. Yup, nothing wrong with being invincible!" Ataru stood bowlegged and laughed arrogantly for a bit. Then his stomach growled, alerting him to the obvious. "Oh, I'm hungry." Ataru walked around to the front door and went in, noticing immediately the extra pairs of shoes and the one pair of sandals at the door.

"Is that you, Ataru?" his mother called from the sitting room.

"Yeah, it's me" Ataru called back. He slipped off his shoes and went into the room, seeing the family from before seated at the table where a warm, welcoming dinner had been placed and already half-eaten.

"Have you met the new neighbors yet?" Mrs. Moroboshi asked.

"Uh, no" Ataru said. "Um, hi. I'm Ataru."

"Oh?" the woman, wife, said. "You're Ataru Moroboshi? I had assumed you'd be a bit different."

"Uh, how so?" Ataru asked.

"For a local celebrity" she said "I suppose it doesn't matter. However, if you want to be more proper in your introductions, I'd check to see if there are branches in your clothes." Ataru looked down and saw that he had missed getting rid of some leaves and sticks still in his pockets.

"What were you doing, man?" the husband and father asked with a smirk. "Climbing trees or cutting them down?"

"Oh...nothing" Ataru said as he brushed himself off. He then noticed that there were no places set for him and that most of the food was gone. He got defensive and let his stomach growl above the sound of eating.

"It's nice to meet you" the man said. "I'm Henry Benkyou, brother."

"Henry?" Ataru repeated in his best (which was poor) English pronunciation. "Are you a foreigner?"

"Well, technically" Henry admitted. "I'm an official citizen as of three months ago when I first moved to this country, but I was born and raised in America, man."

"Neat" Ataru said.

"Yup" Henry said. "This is my wife, Tomi." He pointed to her with his chopsticks. "And this is our son, Tomo." He pointed again to his son, but his wife grabbed his wrist.

"It's impolite" she chided.

"Sorry" Henry said.

"So" Mrs. Moroboshi began "was your father Japanese, Mr. Benkyou?"

"No" Henry admitted, "I took Tomi's name when we got married. I was fully resolved to become a Japanese person at the time, you know? I've always been fascinated with this country. All the culture and stuff that just seemed to be missing in America."

"Ah, I'd really like to go to America someday" Mrs. Moroboshi said.

"Hey" Ataru said, trying to speak up.

"Then again, times are somewhat tough" she continued, not hearing her son at all. "If we had a little more money, a vacation would be lovely."

"Hey now..." Ataru said, feeling the sting of her stealthy insult.

"What do you do for a living, Henry?" Mr. Moroboshi asked, fazing the financial talk out for the time.

"I've found work writing tourism guides" Henry replied. "It's pretty simple, but it keeps us moving around. My company wanted me to write a whole book based solely on the Tomobiki area, so I thought it'd be better for us all to move out here together rather than just me being here until I get my work done."

"Eh, really?" Mrs. Moroboshi said. "I wonder what the appeal of such a small place like this could be?"

"Are you kidding?" Ataru said, trying to force himself into the conversation.

"Well, that's what I'm here for" Henry said.

_As usual, just ignore me out of existence,eh?_ Ataru thought. _Well, I can use this to my advantage..._ Ataru walked away, Tomo being the only one to notice his presence as he left. He turned to try and see which way he'd gone, but lost sight of him.

"Do you work as well, Tomi?" Mrs. Moroboshi asked.

"I worked at a news magazine" she said "but, as of now, I'm unemployed. There's a branch of the same company in the area, so I will be referred there by my previous office in a matter of time."

"They might just make you a manager, Tomi-chan" Henry said. She blushed, showing for once a strain of emotion before glancing at her son.

"Tomo, don't be picky" she said sternly. "Finish your meal." Tomo looked up at her, then back at the empty door, then back again.

"Wasn't there someone here just now?" Tomo asked. "Ataru, was his name?"

"Oh, yes" Mrs. Moroboshi said, plainly leaving the matter alone. "So Tomo, will you be attending school locally as well?" Tomo realized quickly that they were all ignoring the matter entirely and went along with it.

"Yes" he replied. "I'll be a third-year this year."

"Oh!" Mrs. Moroboshi exclaimed. "That's exciting! I have a son that age as well!"

"You can help me gather info on the school" Henry said to his son. "You know, as a cultural thing, brother."

"Yeah..." Tomo said. He suddenly felt a strange presence right next to him, like a ghost was nearing him, and looked over. **A disembodied arm was reaching up from under the table, grabbing at the food on it.** Suddenly the whole company was stunned as they watched the hand make a grab for the main dish of stir-fried vegetables and beef strips. The hand stole it under the table and vanished. Tomo looked down and saw nothing, just blank floor and sitting knees. The table was moved and the floor was quickly inspected. Mrs. Moroboshi flipped a tatami up effortlessly and discovered a large opening in the floor.

"_Woah, man_" Henry said in English. "Looks like you've got a pretty big rat problem, eh?" he joked, returning to Japanese. Mrs. Moroboshi placed the tatami carefully back in place and grinned.

"Oh, something like that" she said. "I'm sure it was just-" She looked out the window and saw Ataru crawling up from under the foundation of the house with the platter in his hands. Mrs. Moroboshi dashed for the side-yard door and swung it open.

"**ATAAARUUU!**" she roared. Ataru jerked his head around and made a dash away. He jumped over the fence, into the street and then made a scramble up the side of the house across the way with the plate still in hand. "You come down from there with that food!"

"No way!" Ataru exclaimed. "Maybe this will teach you to be a little kinder to your son!"

"I feed you enough to keep you alive, don't I?" she shouted. "Now come down!" Ataru pulled a pair of chopsticks from his pocket and started gulping down the food rapidly.

"Ahh!" he sighed. "It's just the perfect temperature! HAHAHA!"

"You know if Lum were here you'd be flash-fried by now!" she bellowed.

"Not if I shared it!" Ataru called.

"Why don't you just go out to eat" she shouted "and stay out for the night?"

"I'm trying to break my habit of depending on restaurants all the time" Ataru defended. His mother got furious and started heaving random objects at him.

"Of all the bad habits you have" she growled "the one you try to break is **being self-sufficient?**"

"Oh, not in front of the new neighbors, you two" Mr. Moroboshi said in a low, pointless plea.

"Amazing" Tomi said. "This is the kind of splendor I was seeking from a young man with such a reputation. Effortless climbing abilities, limitless ingenuity; he'll make my story worth moving for!"

"Oh, that's cool, man!" Henry said. "We live next door to a ninja!" Tomo was just looking, his mind aghast of rational thought. Ataru just kept eating atop the roof while he effortlessly dodged his own mother's barrage of miscellaneous objects.

_This isn't normal_ Tomo thought. _No matter what I think about this, I know it isn't normal! This is just...bizarre!_ And so the new family was swiftly introduced to the usual antics of the near-legendary Tomobiki town, unaware of just how shallow their exposure was at that point.

* * *

Later, after the incident of dinner had been cleared up and Ataru had somehow been ceased and bound up in rope, the Moroboshi family met the Benkyou family at their door for the evening.

"I hope our son wasn't too much of a nuisance" Mrs. Moroboshi said.

"Not at all" Tomi said with a glint at the edge of her glasses. "Truth be told, I'd like to know a little more about Japan's twice-honored national hero." Ataru extended his hand to her, the rope bindings already around his feet as if they were never really tied up. Tomi took his hand and endured his lean-in handshake and wide, toothy grin.

"It'll be no problem!" Ataru said. "I already know everything important to contact you with, so I'll definitely be in touch!" Ataru's mother pulled him back and held him down for a bit while Tomi managed to go back into her house.

"You need to teach me some of those tricks, brother" Henry said. "There's never a bad time to be able to escape from ropes and stuff, right?"

"You could call me an escapist king, somewhat" Ataru said. "Granted, bragging about being able to run away is sort of hollow. I tend not to make a big deal out of it."

"You could probably give lessons, man" Henry said. "Maybe you could teach Tomo a little, right? Oh, I know! Why don't you give Tomo a quick tour of the town while there's still time?"

"Are you sure?" Tomo asked. "It's sort of late. Won't there be less than savory characters out at this time?"

"I can guarantee you" Mrs. Moroboshi began "that this is the least savory character in this whole town." Ataru stood with a blank look for a second, then scowled and turned to his mother. She just grinned and turned from him. Tomo got uncomfortable for a second but his father patted him solidly on the shoulder to reaffirm his ground.

"If you get a good local tour" Henry said "you'll be doing important legwork for me, _kiddo._ What'dya say?" Tomo glanced up at his father and smiled.

"Alright, I'll be sure to absorb a lot then" he said.

"Great" Henry said. "Ataru, do you mind?"

"Nah, of course not" Ataru said. "Besides, I have a feeling I'm going to get locked out anyway. May as well enjoy the evening while I can." Again, Tomo became uncomfortable as he found himself the be the only one not laughing at the joke. Of course, Ataru's parents had already silently planned to do just that as soon as they could. Ataru walked with Tomo down the street in a casual stride while Tomo walked at a diligent and alert pace.

"Calm down, already" Ataru said. "You're acting pretty tense."

"Can you blame me?" Tomo said. "The tension just then was palpable."

"Ah, it's always like that" Ataru said. "If they really wanted to kick me out, they would, but for some reason they haven't. So in the end, they don't really hate me."

"But do you have to antagonize them that much?" Tomo asked.

"By doing what?" Ataru asked. Tomo could see the hopelessness in the situation of explaining such a thing to Ataru and abandoned it. Ataru walked Tomo through the streets on his own well-selected route that passed by all the prettiest all-girl running groups each morning and led him to the closed gates of the school.

"So you're going to go here, huh?" Ataru said.

"I suppose so" Tomo said. "It looks like quite a nice school. That is, it's a bit larger than the last one I attended."

"It's a pretty old building" Ataru said. "Anyway, let's not look at it any longer. It's just a reminder that school starts soon for me and I'd like to stay ignorant to that."

"Ah, I agree" Tomo said. They departed, continuing on Ataru's route to point out all the most important places. As Ataru detailed, without mentioning the true purpose of his route, all the corners and proper streets to turn he somehow wound up passing by the lot. The one lot he and everyone else would always do better to steer away from. Ataru ducked behind the fence and pulled Tomo with him to hide from sight.

"What is it?" Tomo asked in a stern hush. "Thieves? A gang? Vandals? Bandits?"

"One of those doesn't make sense" Ataru said "and no to all of them. If you remember anything, make it this: In that lot lives the most reviled creature in all of Tomobiki, and perhaps even the world. Don't let his appearance or disposition fool you, either. He is an evil thing so make sure you never get caught by him at all."

"What is it?" Tomo asked. Ataru signaled him to carefully take a peek. They both slowly edged themselves around the corner, peering at the empty seat next to the pot over the fire. There was a meager tend without any light, a broken kotatsu with no occupant in the corner and a generally empty lot. Then, suddenly, rising up from the bottom of their sight was a hideous face. Like the swelling smoke of an active volcano, **Cherry appeared with an explosively wide face!**

"**GOOD EVENING!"** he shouted, blasting both men away out of pure surprise. His face seemed to grow taller than a tree and wider than Mt. Fuji in the distance. Ataru recovered quickly and hammered a teflon pan into Cherry's face to block it from view. Tomo was rolled clear onto his back with his legs in the air. He was helped up and shown, held by the collar of his garb, the ugly creature.

"Tomo, this is Cherry" Ataru said. "Nobody likes him. We're waiting for him to die in secret so we can use this lot for something useful."

"Oh, woe to you" Cherry said. "You know mocking an old man will come around in full-circle. Don't expect a pleasant sleep tonight, young man." Tomo was mind-blank for a moment. His eyes were empty and blocked by a white glare off his round glasses. Then he regained his composure and smiled. He pushed his glasses up and the glare left them, letting his dark-blue eyes shine out through his spectacles.

"It is nice to meet you, sir" Tomo said, extending his hand. Cherry was dropped by Ataru but still took Tomo's hand with him. He examined it, with no intent to shake it at all, then shook it in the end and gave it back to Tomo. He clapped his staff against the ground and cleared his throat.

"Nice to meet you, young man" he said. "Would you like your fortune told?" Ataru was shaking his head and rapidly moving his hands in various ways to get Tomo to decline.

"Well, why not?" Tomo said. Ataru face-palmed.

"Your life up until now has been rather normal" Cherry said "but from here on out, expect many surprises. Think of it like a road. You've always been traveling on a flat one without any unexpected turns to take, just going along with the ride as the road delivers you to where you are going. As you enter this part of your life, expect that road to disappear! The comfort of knowing the horizon is a thing of the past."

"Just get to it" Ataru said. "Misery, misfortune and shadow-of-death, right?"

"No, that's all you" Cherry fired back. "You, young man, will make many new friends and have a great and involving life here in this town. However, be sure to keep your mind open to possibility at all times. Your unluckiest moments will be when the 'impossible' tends to happen." Tomo looked down at Cherry for a moment, taking all of his wisdom to heart, then nodded with a smile.

"Thank you, sir" Tomo said. "I look forward to my future." Cherry nodded, a mission in his life accomplished, and was rewarded with Ataru stepping on him.

"Now why can't you be that way to me?" Ataru asked. Cherry swatted his leg away with his staff and started spinning it in his hands, making the rings clatter and shake.

"Misery! Misfortune! Wooooe! I see a dark shadow of death upon your face!" he shouted. Ataru started away, taking Tomo with him as they both jogged off and out of sight. Cherry stopped twirling his cane for a second and looked grimly after Ataru. "I really do see...a powerful shadow of death on him...!"

* * *

So, leaving the lot behind, Ataru and Tomo walked back to their block and left the whole experience behind them. Tomo memorized the route he had taken to the school while debating taking the same route back.

"Just do one thing" Ataru said as a parting piece of wisdom. "Don't feed him. If he shows up and starts eating your food, throw him out."

"Well, he's a homeless old man" Tomo said.

"Maybe" Ataru said "but he also has the appetite of several grown men. He's eaten out entire fridge more than once on a whim and there's nothing we can do about it. He's like a cat, if he knows there's food he'll keep coming back for it."

"Well, I'll warn my parents then" Tomo said. "My mother's allergic to cats." He and Ataru laughed for a second, then shared a friendly handshake before heading off to their own houses.

"Thanks, Ataru" Tomo said.

"Ah, no worries" Ataru said. "I'll see you around."

"Of course" Tomo said. Ataru left for his house, only to get to a locked front door. Tomo chuckled to himself at his own front door, looking across and seeing Ataru struggling to get in his own house. However, he took to faith that such a thing was merely a regular joke of his and laughed it off. When Tomo went to bed he stayed up for a minute to look at his palm and recall what Cherry had told him. "Many friends and an involving life, eh? For some reason, I can't wait to see it all..." Tomo stayed awake for a few minutes longer until he was nearly already asleep. Just then, a strange thought popped into his head.

_I wonder who 'Lum' is..._ he thought, recalling Ataru's spat with his mother on someone's roof...


	49. Chapter 49

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Adaptive Tomo Rises and Falls!

* * *

The next day was sunny and pleasant. With only so much time left until school started back up, the kids of Tomobiki were starting to return from their much-beloved summer vacations. Meanwhile, those who had stayed behind for whatever reason, destitution or having to save the entire human race from being burnt by the sun, started to reunite and meet up with their friends again to listen to their wonderful vacation stories while hiding their seething jealousy as much as possible.

Tomo, the new kid in town, took leave with his father in tow to scope out the town according to the route Ataru had showed him. Tomo dressed himself as casually as he could, reflecting his pleasing grin as much as he could. He wore simply bright pants and a green polo shirt, not standing out from any crowd except for his nearby company. His father, while already outstanding for not being Japanese, wore a loose Hawaiian shirt and knee-length shorts with geta sandals and had his long, scruffy hair done in a ponytail behind his head. Tomo could feel awkward stares as they passed through crowds of people in the market. They saw stand after stand that Tomo had noted the evening previous. The ramen shops, oden shops, taiyaki shops, takoyaki stands...other food places. The only places Ataru had pointed out were for food, so Tomo just went around and gathered as much information as he could on his own.

He and his father approached a man standing behind a stand that held inflated beach-balls of assorted color and pattern. Strangely, for such a warm and sunny day, the merchant was wearing a long coat, a wool cap and gloves as well as sunglasses and a white contagion mask.

"Ah, welcome!" he said, his voice unobstructed by the mask. "Even though it's not summer, you wouldn't want to be improperly prepared! Buy a beach-ball! Make it feel like the beach, even in your own backyard!"

"Wouldn't I need sand for that as well?" Tomo asked.

"Man, you're wearing a lot, _brother_" Henry said, observing the merchant's thick clothing. He leaned in and adjusted the frame of his tinted reading glasses. The merchant leaned likewise away.

"Uh, they're hardly a pittance!" the man said. "300 yen each!" Tomo's eyes glinted suddenly and he adjusted his glasses down the bridge of his nose.

"How about 450 for 2?" Tomo haggled. The merchant glanced his way and leaned over his stand in objection.

"Are you kidding?" he exclaimed. "Are you trying to bankrupt me?"

"Then, how about 500 for 2?" Tomo said, remaining adamant.

"300 is plenty-cheap for one!" the merchant demanded. "Don't break my back, kid! Come on!"

"I kinda like this one" Henry said. He picked up a purple ball with a single yellow stripe across the middle centered with a star and started spinning it on his finger. He tossed it up and started balancing it on his nose, attracting the glances of nearby shoppers. The merchant looked around and saw a quick crowd forming as Henry continued to fool around, kicking the ball from foot to foot and balancing it on his chest. He rolled it across his back, from shoulder to shoulder, with no difficulty at all.

"All this extra attention" Tomo began as he poked his glasses up "should be worth at least a 100 yen credit." The merchant gripped his wooden cart with tense fingers and sighed with defeat.

"You damn...warm-blood mammal...fine!" he declared. "I'll give you a discount." He held out his hand. Tomo gave him 450 yen, which the shopkeep looked at and accepted with a desperate, defeated sigh. Tomo took another ball, plain white and alternating colors along the creases, and tapped his dad's shoulder. They both walked off while Henry juggled the beach-balls and continued to make note of the market alley. The shopkeep lowered his mask and sighed out of his **fanged, dry, lizard-like mouth.** With his hat off his **head was green and spiked ridges were rowed down past the collar of his long overcoat.** Turns out he was an alien in human guise, and a reptilian one at that.

"Phew" he said, fanning his weary eyes and forehead. "Too cold to be naked, too hot with clothes on. It's tough being a lizard..." He equipped his cap and mask just in time for more customers to approach his stand with hopeful eyes. "Yes, browse if you like! Don't let summer sneak up on you unprepared!"

Tomo and his father continued down the route to the gates of the school. Henry got a good look at it and let his antics come to rest as he let his beach-balls rest on the ground.

"Looks like this'll be your new skool, Tomo" he said. "Be sure to make lots of friends as fast as possible so they can get you out of a jam, _bro._"

"If you say so" Tomo sighed. "Well, in any case, I'm sure Ataru would know plenty of people, since he's lived here for so long. I'm sure he wouldn't mind introducing me if I asked."

"Save that for last, _bro_" His father said. "Kids your age won't like a shy-guy for a friend. You've gotta be appealing." Tomo nodded. He'd find a way for that when the time came. As for the road back, Tomo decided to follow his father's way, mostly because he had mis-kicked a ball and they both got lost when he went to chase it. They wound up in the park, which seemed to be a center of activity as many young men and women were walking around enjoying the day.

"This looks promising" Henry said. He took out a notepad and pen from his shirt pocket and started off without Tomo.

"Hey, don't just wander off, dad" Tomo said. "At the very least, let's make sure to meet up somewhere in a while."

"Alright" Henry said. He pointed down, without turning anything but his wrist, and said "Here", leaving it to that.

"That's not specific enough" Tomo said. Tomo looked down the street at the various outside cafes and pointed to the nearest one. "I'll take a lap or two around the park and wait there. If you don't show up a half-hour from the second I sit down, I'll go home without you."

"You and your mother are so strict, _brother_" Henry whined. "Well, I can't argue with that. I've got locals to interview. _Catch ya later!_"Henry walked off waving and instantly confronted a young couple with a sincere question. Tomo nodded in silent approval of his father's determined work-ethic and went off on his own way. Henry kept himself aware, however. Once he had finished questioning the young couple he looked back and saw Tomo walking down the path with more and more trees coming between them the further he walked. Henry smiled and stowed his pad and pen away. He had been hungry since they walked through the market district, and the shops around the park looked even better than those in town! Henry made a dash into the closest ramen shop and disappeared...

* * *

Tomo took in the scenery like a deep drink to quench his thirst. The park was beautiful in the daytime. Sun beaming through the trees, a cool shade covering the walkways, a small pond with small birds resting near its surface, staring at the small fish that were swimming around in the water. People everywhere, all of them enjoying the day in their own way. Plenty of couples, too, walking with hands together or even with one resting an arm across the other's back. Plenty of single girls as well, walking in groups of friends and talking about their favorite event over their break and the perfect tans they got.

Then Tomo heard a very solid impact nearby and turned toward it. He saw, first, an angered girl stomping away from a scene and then he saw a rustling in the bushes. Tomo rushed over, somehow expecting something other than a person to pop up. He stepped back in surprise when, not just a person, but Ataru Moroboshi popped up and spat out a couple small leaves from his mouth. He stepped out of the brush and brushed himself down, flicking off twigs and pulling a small branch from his hair. Then he noticed Tomo and grinned.

"Hey, Tomo!" he greeted with a wide grin. "How's it going?"

"Uh, hi Ataru" Tomo replied. "Well, uh, it's going alright. What was that...about?" Ataru realized how quickly Tomo had managed to piece things together and giggled.

"Ah, just a circumstance" Ataru said.

"Of what?" Tomo asked.

"I'm just enjoying the day too much" Ataru said, still grinning gleefully. "I tend to do that from time to time, you know?"

"Well, what did you do?" Tomo asked. "I mean, that girl looked pretty pissed...and you were in a bush."

"Hehehe!" Ataru giggled, more like a high-pitched, well-practiced cackle that shocked Tomo out of his defenses. "Ah, forget about it! Just sit back and watch! I'll get this next one for sure!" Tomo watched Ataru as he ran off and encountered a passing girl. He held out a book and pen and leaned in close to her with his subduing, wide grin and bent his legs down. He seemed to be dancing in a way, shifting from one foot to the other, in perpetual movement. It was like he was being very slowly electrocuted and his body was responding with equally slow spasms of movement. Finally, Ataru seemed to face failure as the girl gave him a light fist to the head and walked away with her chin up. Ataru shuffled back and grinned up at Tomo.

"Hehehe!" Ataru laughed. "Get it now?" Tomo took a second to process what he'd just seen. It took a good bit of rushed thinking, but he finally figured it out.

"She shot you down" Tomo said. The words hit Ataru in their bluntness like a fallen iron ball to the head and he fell face-first to the ground.

"Pretty...much" he said with his teeth gritting dirt. Tomo helped him up and Ataru brushed himself off again.

"So you're hitting on girls?" Tomo said.

"Heh! Pretty much!" Ataru said, much more excited and happy. "I call it girl hunting, personally. It makes it seem a bit more exciting!"

"Well, that's a strange hobby" Tomo said. "What is your mark of success?" Ataru held up his little black book and opened it, revealing a name, address and phone-number with an X near the top-left corner.

"All I need" Ataru said "to set up a date is this. With only this, I can unlock the mysterious universe of any single single girl that I meet!"

"So you just want to date them all?" Tomo asked. "What about deep and meaningful relationships? Wouldn't you want one of those?"

"Maybe when I'm old" Ataru said. "I figure there must be a window of time in my life when I either _can't_ girl hunt or simply won't be interested in the pure joy of it. At that time, I might get married, or at least have kids. Until then, and after that time, I do this for fun!"

"So you don't date them?" Tomo asked. "You just get their numbers to prove you can?" Ataru sneered at him.

"Of course I date them" Ataru said. "I can only have so much to do. When I've got nothing on my plate I pick a name and call them up!"

"Don't other guys do this?" Tomo asked.

"Not as well as I do!" Ataru said with a determined low to his voice. He spotted a fresh group of girls heading his way and turned with a wide, perverse grin to Tomo. "You wanna try it?" Tomo leaned away from Ataru on instinctive disgust and let his glasses slip down. The glare blocked his eyes from view until he pushed the frame back up. By then he had a determined look, a stiff chin and a straight posture. He nodded. Ataru jumped away and sped to the group of girls. He blocked their path and smiled them to a stop.

"Hey, girls!" he greeted. "How about we all go somewhere and get some tea, eh?"

"All of us?" a short-haired girl of the group asked. "Together?"

"Like some weird date?" the long-haired center-girl asked. Ataru held out his book.

"How about today?" Ataru pressed. "Or tomorrow? If you give me your names, and addresses and phone-numbers and possibly your measurements, I can set up a quick date for all four of us!" The center-girl slapped him. Her friend with curly hair followed up by slapping his other cheek. Then the more timid, short-haired girl quivered for a second at his reddened, perpetually grinning face and gave him a shrieking uppercut. Ataru fell down and the girls walked in a wide berth around him. Tomo saw everything and decided that doing that wouldn't work. Instead, he sent his mind to work and adjusted his glasses by the side of the lens frame. A glint sparked in his eyes and he briskly went up to the girls from their collective blind-side. He brushed his straight bangs to the side and gave his head a quick tilt so his hair would become slightly unkempt at the side.

"Excuse me" he began, catching all of their attention and defensive glares at once. He kept cool and stood straight, leaning back slightly with his hands in his pants pockets. "I couldn't help but see all that. I want to apologize for my friend's behavior." The leading girl with long hair turned straight around and stomped her feet to square herself up with him.

"That creep is your friend?" she lowed.

"Heh" Tomo smirked. His casualness continued to pour out in the apathy he expressed in his nonchalant shrug and echoed with sheer coolness. Out of the three girls, two of them remained adamant in their own stubborn haughtiness. However, the timid girl with short hair looked at Tomo with a slight sparkling in her eyes. Tomo noticed it but didn't move on it just then. "Well, what can I do about it. He's really a good guy, he's just an idiot."

"You bet he is" the curl-haired girl said. "Can you believe he asked for our measurements?"

"Ah, he tends to do that" Tomo admitted with a nervous smirk. "You see, the thing is he has no idea how to properly talk to girls. He's got no filter between what he thinks and what he says, it all just comes out at once."

"Well, you're his friend" the long-haired girl said. "Why don't you help him work it out, or something?" She and her friend turned around, but the short-haired girl lagged behind them. Tomo glanced back at Ataru, who was sitting up and rubbing his jaw on the ground, while keeping aware that the other girl was approaching him. He turned back without expression and looked straight into her eyes for a split-second. She seemed stunned somehow, and he knew he won.

"Um..." she began, "Listen, if you're free sometime, uh..." Tomo turned back to her fully and smiled.

"Sure" he said. She became instantly excited and scrambled to find something to write with. Tomo had a small notepad and a pen in his pocket, but he didn't want to use it. Instead the girl took out a photo, wrote on the back and circled something on the front before giving it to him.

"Call me sometime, okay?" she said. Tomo nodded and pocketed the photo without even looking at it. She ran off, looking back to wave at him, and he gave her a brief, static wave back. Once she caught up to her friends, Tomo straightened his hair and turned back to Ataru, ready to gloat.

"Since when did all the girls in this city start power-lifting?" Ataru asked as he rubbed his punched chin. "Man, that hurt. It's always the scared ones, too..." Tomo stopped behind Ataru with just loud enough of a gait to grab his attention. Ataru stood back up and faced Tomo, who held a photo of the three girls in bikinis with the short-haired girl's face circled. Then he turned it around. Her name, Mikoto, her number and her address, as well as three numbers labeled as 'B:XX-W:OO-H:XX' in the corner.

"Name, number, address" Tomo gloated "_and_, technically, measurements." He folded the photo and placed it neatly in his pocket with his notepad and pen. "So, does this mean I'm winning?" Ataru blinked to collect his mind, then glared with a competitive smirk and opened his book.

"We're just getting started, young one!" Ataru exclaimed. He held his book open in front of his face so that, after a moment of grim realization, Tomo could only see the sweat as it quickly crawled down past his jawline. Tomo stood fast with his arms crossed in arrogant victory and a cocky grin on his face.

* * *

Ataru refused to admit defeat. However, the more Tomo achieved ahead of him, the hungrier he seemed to get until there came a point where Ataru's mind outright abandoned girl-hunting in favor of getting food. He and Tomo left the park to get a bite at one of Ataru's usual standby ramen shops. As soon as Ataru walked in he was greeted by the owner with a friendly wave and was seated right next to the main kitchen.

"Didn't expect you to come without a girl, Moroboshi" he said. Ataru laughed it off.

"It's slim pickings out there" he said. "One beef, please. And for my friend, how about a bowl of shrimp?"

"Alrighty" the chef said. He went back to the kitchen to cook.

"You seem pretty well known, Ataru" Tomo mentioned.

"I am" Ataru said bluntly. "Don't forget it, because somehow, I tend to."

"My mother did mention that you're something of a local celebrity" Tomo said. "I know she plans to conduct a more formal interview, but could you tell me about that?"

"Well, one time" Ataru began "I led my entire grade at school, all the 2nd year classes that is, into leaving during lunch period to eat in town. All the teachers and the disciplinary committee came after us, and a huge, all-out war ensued. It was pure chaos! Eventually, neither side won, but the ban on eating out for lunch was repealed. After that, I became class president...no wait, I became president first. That's how I managed to rally everyone so easily. Man, I haven't thought about school in so long my memories of it are starting to fade..." Tomo was in minor shock. He cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up to straighten himself out.

"What's the worst trouble you've been in at school, Ataru?" Tomo asked.

"Um, define worst first" Ataru said, again stunning Tomo with white-shocked eyes. The owner returned and handed out the ramen bowls. Ataru rubbed his hands together with glee while Tomo shook himself out of shock again. Ataru tried prying his chopsticks apart but broke them unevenly, leaving the ends stuck together slightly. It was still manageable for him, being the master of discrete chopstick utility, so he began eating promptly. Tomo did the same, though usually his chopsticks split perfectly. When he separated them, he heard an uncommon snap and saw that the corner of the end wasn't torn off and was stuck to the other stick. Tomo awed at it for a second and began eating.

"This is great, _brother!_ Send more my way!" an aloof and goofy voice called from the restaurant corner. Tomo looked back, his face full of noodles, and saw his father gorging himself on side-dishes with a huge bowl of ramen. Tomo sighed and gulped his noodles down.

_I should have seen this coming_ he thought. He looked up at Ataru, who was eating faster than he even thought could be done, and decided not to drag him down by being slow. Tomo started eating as well, mimicking Ataru's well-practiced style and nearly matching his speed. However, being a novice, Tomo stopped at the first sign of choking and started eating normally. _He's a good eater. And he isn't even fazed by getting punched-out by that girl earlier. Rather, those girls. He doesn't have any marks at all, not even comically bright-red slap marks on his cheeks, which I would have openly expected from those harsh hits he'd gotten. I guess Ataru's just a strong guy, though it doesn't show in the most flattering ways._ As Ataru and Tomo finished their ramen, the owner came up to them and grinned. Tomo couldn't help but notice a nervousness to his expression.

"So will you be splitting the tab, Moroboshi?" the man asked. Ataru looked up from his empty bowl and sighed with satisfaction.

"That depends" he replied. "Are you actually keeping track of how many bowls I eat each day? Is there some grand total I'm going through as we speak or something?"

"Given that the average person eats three meals a day" the man began in a rehearsed, exasperated tone, "and that there are 365 days per year on average, an average 'Year's worth of Free Ramen' would round to roughly 1095 dinner-sized bowls." Ataru was grinning so hard he was emitting a high-pitched laugh. The owner sighed and turned his eyebrows up in despair. "Of course, Ataru Moroboshi, you're not an average man at all."

"I'm really not!" Ataru grinned. Tomo, sensing the tide of emotion, took out his wallet and laid down the exact change for his meal.

"I can't ride on my friend's coattails in style" Tomo said. "I'll pay for mine. Leave the free noodles for Ataru, as I'm sure you'll be needing them." The owner looked at Tomo's kind gesture, one he could have avoided simply by grinning with the jovial Ataru and working under the owner's depressing assumptions, and he smiled. He took the change with a nod and made a mental note to remember the boy's face. Ataru just quietly belched.

The boys left the shop, leaving Tomo's father behind to enjoy his outing, and started on their way home. Ataru led Tomo down a different path than before, one that didn't have the chance to intersect with obnoxious monks, and tried to keep his spirits down about his apparent victory.

"Listen Tomo" Ataru began "a true victory isn't just to single out one girl from a group. If you want to feel a true victory, you need to get all the numbers of all the girls in a single group at the same time for it to count."

"But I did that" Tomo said, holding up an envelope with three different names on the back. "You were unconscious when it happened." Ataru snatched it away, read the names, then took out his own book to record them. "Hey! I don't want you calling my girls, okay? I got their numbers fair and square!"

"Silly amateur" Ataru said, holding Tomo back with his leg. "There is no fair in the sport of girl-hunting! It's all in luck and skill, style and talent!"

"Ah, quit being a sore loser, Ataru!" Tomo said, trying to push Ataru's foot out of the way. He had nearly succeeded when, all of a sudden, he heard the rumble of thunder in the distance. "Sounds like rain?" Tomo said, quizzical as to how thunder could be made on a nearly cloudless day.

"No that's an engine" Ataru bluntly said. One scrawled note after he had said that something clicked in his mind. How he knew it was an engine sparked a great fear within his gut that wrenched him nearly to a sickening point. He dropped his book, his precious and essential tool, and looked up with a start to the sky. Again, thunder, but no clouds nearby. Even on the visible horizons there was no sign of dark clouds at all! To Ataru, that meant **certain death.** He picked up his book and threw it to Tomo.

"Take that and run!" Ataru shouted. He led the way, sprinting at the speed of a trained athlete, leaving Tomo too far behind to catch up. Tomo ran after him anyway, attempting to at least keep up, but lost him when he rounded a corner. Tomo tried cutting through the street between two houses and ran into Ataru, who tumbled them both to the ground. Ataru pushed himself up and heard the thunder grow dangerously loud. Once Tomo pushed himself up and adjusted his glasses he saw that a shadow had been cast across the ground, shading them both beneath a mysterious and ominous object in the sky. Tomo sniffed at the air.

"Do you smell ozone?" he asked. Ataru pushed him away and instinctively jumped in the other direction. As Tomo hit the ground he looked up and saw, with the deafening blast and blinding flash of light, a **bolt of lighting striking Ataru from clear out of nowhere!** Suddenly Tomo's mind swam with confusion. He looked on as Ataru twitched and convulsed under the powerful electrocution of a pure bolt of energy from the sky. Soon, the lightning dispersed and a searing, smoky screen was left in its place.

* * *

The shadow dispersed with a rumbling sound and finally, Tomo stood up. "Ataru!" he shouted. "I know this is stupid of me to ask, but are you alive?" He listened hard as he could past the steaming ground. It seemed more likely that Ataru was dead than anything, but still he heard the undeniable sound of feet marching on the paved ground. He ran forward for a step and peered through the smoke. There was Ataru, his body smoking and a trail of steam rising from his mouth, still twitching and making painful laughing sounds on the ground.

"Hmm?" hummed a curious female's voice. "Who're you?" Tomo was stunned. He felt compelled, suddenly, to run at top speed away. He turned slowly and looked to where the voice originated. As the veil of smoke cleared an otherworldly beauty stood before him, **a celestial goddess taken a divine form. Metal tiger-stripe armor covered her legs, arms and head while a tiger-stripe bikini and midriff sling covered her otherwise bare and sensual skin. **Tomo was stricken nearly blind at first sight with the green-haired, armor-plated, mystery-girl who appeared out of a cloud of smoke. Ataru stood up, catching Tomo's sight and his pure disbelief as he jumped back and pointed at him with a shaking mouth.

"Why did you do that?" Ataru asked the girl. She turned to him and was suddenly beaming was delight.

"I'm back, Darling!" she said.

"Ah!" Tomo stuttered, unable to clearly talk.

"What happened to nice Lum?" Ataru scathingly asked, still steaming (literally) over being blasted. "What happened to 'no more indiscriminate, unprovoked zapping' Lum, hmm?"

"Sorry, Darling" Lum apologized. "I was so excited to be home that I beamed down clear from low orbit! I just wanted to see you again so badly that I didn't want to wait to land."

"That impatience of yours always leads to trouble" Ataru chided. "Also, I'm in pain! Did you anticipate hurting me when you did that?"

"Oh, you're tough enough" she said, waving her hand. Tomo's nonsense stuttering became loud enough to hear over the bickering and both Ataru and Lum turned to him as he shakily stood up with his finger nervously pointing.

"A-a-Ataru" he started, "who is...that?"

"Oh, right" Ataru began. "I never told you, did I? This is Lum." That was it. As to why she was wearing armor or how she appeared in a bolt of lightning, Tomo still had no real idea.

"Darling, don't be rude like that" Lum chided. Ataru opened his mouth as if to say 'like how' in a most insulted way, but Lum turned to Tomo before he could talk. "I'm Darling's fiancee! **Nice ta meet'cha!**" That was nearly it for Tomo. He felt something pounding inside his skull that he could only assume was a stroke, but fought it off. He fought it off and gathered all of himself in a moment with a simple push of his glasses.

"Explain to me what I saw just now, if you'd please" Tomo said. "Miss Lum, is it? Just where did you come from? What was that explosion?"

"Well" Lum began, "I came from there." She pointed straight up. "I was off-planet on some business with my family. My daddy had just led a campaign to conquer a contested star-system over the Fukujin and was setting up trade-routes and finalizing a bunch of ceasefire treaties."

"I thought you left for family matters" Ataru said. "You didn't say it had anything to do with a war."

"Well it was a family matter" Lum said. "We're **Invaders**, after all!"

"Hmmhmm" Tomo laughed. "Hehehe. Hahaha! AAHAHAHAHA!" Ataru and Lum nervously looked back to Tomo, who had crossed his arms in defiance of the present facts. "Off-planet? Space-wars? Invaders? Don't try and fool me, you pyromaniac with strange, pretty hair! Just tell me what is going on and how you managed to pull a stunt most modern special-effects specialists can't!"

"Like I said!" Lum began. "I'm an alien! I came down on my ship!"

"Which only has violent methods of transportation" Ataru dryly added.

"No" Tomo denied. His fists clenched tightly at his sides. Then he aimed his arm up and pointed, heatedly, straight at Lum's face. "I can't believe you! I _won't!_ **THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS ALIENS!**"

"Scuse me" said a Dappya-monster passing through the scene. He carried with him a purely alien plant with a mohawk of petals and a mouth full of sharp teeth planted in a hovering pot. The intrusion, while random, broke Tomo's stance and mind and he fell flat onto his back, legs and arms still frozen in position but face fully stuck in a tense, open-mouthed shock of disbelief. Ataru and Lum both moved closer, with Lum hovering over him.

"Now look what you did!" Ataru said. Lum glared at him and he glared ten-fold back until she sighed and lowered her head with a sigh of despair.

"I'll apologize when he wakes up..." Lum said. And that was what happened on the second day of Tomo's life in Tomobiki town.


End file.
